“Provocation to conflict, scandal is a form of “vampirism.” The main goal is to knock a person out of emotional balance and draw attention to himself. “Vampirism” does not occur without mutual consent; The more and longer the “donor” is indignant, the more intensely he gives off energy.” (For more about the conflict, see my playlist below). .
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I recently attended an intervisor group. One of the sessions was devoted to the fact that the therapist provoked a conflict in the client. A strange phenomenon, unusual, but I thought about how often people provoke conflict without understanding the true need of their behavior.
Types of conflicting personalities
Conflict-prone individuals have various characteristics that indicate whether they are capable of aggravating or provoking conflicts through their behavior. So, according to the theory of F.M. Borodkin and N.M. Koryak, the following types of conflicting personalities can be distinguished:
- Demonstrative type. She wants to constantly be in the center of attention, and is ready to use any methods and techniques for this. The attitude of a given person towards others is determined by how others treat him. In “superficial” conflicts, he is able to emerge victorious, since those around him do not take him seriously and are ready to give in. At the same time, he is not afraid of conflicts, feeling confident. Conflict acts as a way to demonstrate oneself. Often the demonstrative type acts as a source of conflict, but does not show it.
- Rigid type. Is suspicious and has inflated self-esteem. Needs self-affirmation, confirmation of one's own importance. Not ready to accept someone else's point of view, touchy. He is often straightforward and lacks flexibility, which is why he constantly gets involved in conflicts.
- Unmanaged type. He is impulsive and can behave unpredictably in any situation. Capable of defiant behavior and aggression. Needs regular confirmation of his own importance, can blame anyone for his failures. Plans are not his strong point. Mistakes and past experiences do not teach him.
- Ultra-precise type. Scrupulous, makes high demands on himself, as well as on others. Is sensitive to details and little things. He may not communicate with certain categories of people because it seemed to him that they were treating him negatively. He himself suffers from his hyper-precision, which can lead to diseases, for example, insomnia.
- Conflict-free type. Unstable, quickly changes his mind. Inconsistent in his behavior. Always wants to appear “good” to his superiors. Lack of sufficient willpower.
- Purposefully conflict type. He uses conflict to achieve his goals by provoking it. He knows how to manipulate, for example, he can be affectionate with someone, but not with others. Masters the technique of emotional argument.
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Practical exercise: How can you easily use the knowledge gained and defend your boundaries?
Did something go wrong in your conversation with your partner? Psychologist Alla Pilipyuk tells how during a quarrel you can quickly restore balance in communication.
For some reason, we don’t have the subject of “relationships” in schools. But conflicts arise between men and women at any age, with any education, income level and for very different reasons. Fortunately, a lot of information has been collected in the course “Man: Honest Instructions” from Yaroslav Samoilov. The course is free.
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