LECTURE 12. The concept of conflict and its structure. Psychology of communication

Each person has an understanding of conflicts from his own experience. This inevitable life phenomenon arises due to misunderstanding and rejection of other people’s ideas between people and even states. Conflictology is a branch of science that studies and generalizes knowledge about conflict clashes and ways to resolve them, and examines in detail various types of conflicts.

Conflict

Basic Concepts

A conflict is a contradiction between two subjects.

The subject is a participant in the conflict.

The object is the problem itself that caused the conflict. The object has the following characteristics:

relativity (becomes an object of conflict only in someone’s eyes, for example, power can become an object of conflict);
connection with the historical moment;
limitation (not everyone will get it, not everyone will have enough).

Most often, resources, statuses and spiritual values become objects.

An object is a specific material expression of an object. So, for example, the object can be status, and the subject can be a promotion or increase.

The concept of conflict in psychology

Conflict is understood as a confrontation between two or more opponents who have different points of view on some situation. Conflict (conflictus) from Latin - clash. The concept of conflict in psychology implies a clash of interests, differences of opinion, and opposition in achieving goals. A person’s entire life is spent resolving these disputes. Charles Lixon in his book Conflict. Seven Steps to Peace” noted with a bit of sarcasm: if there is no conflict in your life, check your pulse. The psychology of conflict confirms that disagreements between people occur constantly and are an integral part of their existence. Is this so bad? Let’s try to figure it out. Conflict is the opposition of desires; successful resolution of a tense situation will benefit the conflicting parties; in the psychology of a dispute, you need to feel the line at which the clarification of relationships occurs in a creative way. Violation of this boundary has a negative impact on both sides of the confrontation.

The structure of conflict in psychology includes:

object (what the dispute was about);
subjects (those between whom disagreements have arisen - individuals, groups or organizations);
flow conditions;
scale;
strategy and tactics of behavior of the subjects of the situation;
the final stage of the conflict (resolved, unresolved).

Causes of conflicts

Among the popular causes of conflicts are the following.

Inadequate self-esteem. The individual does not accept criticism. He either gets angry (high self-esteem) or gets angry and additionally experiences the conflict internally (low self-esteem).
Inadequate understanding of oneself, a situation, or another person. It arises from ignorance, believing rumors, receiving false information or lack of data.
Incompatibility of social roles. Internal contradiction of one person or different ideas about the same role between two people. For example, teenagers consider themselves adults, but for their parents they are children.
Discrimination on any grounds. We are talking about “us” and “strangers”.
Limited amount of resources, that is, “battle for place, benefits.”

The cause of a conflict can be anything that does not satisfy the needs of one person or group of people, affects interests (personal or group) and limits the behavior and activities of subjects.

Stages of conflict

The stages of a conflict represent the main points from its beginning to its end.

The emergence of a conflict and the development of the situation towards aggravation. There are two parties involved in the first stage.
Acceptance of the conflict by one side and emotional reaction to what happened. Accompanying awareness with external signs: changes in mood, condemning statements addressed to the opponent, restriction of communication.
Open conflict behavior. One of the accomplices in the conflict begins to act, making accusations, statements, and physical attacks. The second participant in the conflict responds.
An open conflict position in which the disputants directly state their intentions and communicate the conditions.
Resolving a conflict situation. It all depends on the form: destructive or constructive.
The phases of each conflict are also distinguished: initial, rise, peak, decline. They show the situation in dynamics and project a possible outcome.

Functions of conflict

“The truth is born in a dispute,” says a well-known saying. This is true, but this is far from the only function of conflict. If the conflict is constructive (more on types later), then it performs the following functions:

relaxation of tension (if the conflict is managed favorably, opponents begin to understand each other better);
informational and connecting (opponents receive new information about themselves, each other and the situation, which they can use in the future);
cohesion and structuring of a team, organization (we are talking about uniting people against someone or something);
stimulation for change and development (searching for new arguments to defend one’s position);
expression of hidden ideas and thoughts (allows you to more fully understand the situation and analyze all options for its solution);
diagnostics of interpersonal relationships (“friends are known in trouble”).

Destructive conflict (with disapproving methods of resolution) also performs certain functions, but they are negative:

emotional burnout;
dismissal, expulsion;
decreased productivity and performance;
deterioration of relationships and socio-psychological climate;
underestimation of the importance of the opposite party, inadequate assessment of oneself;
emotionally painful focus on the struggle and victory itself, and not on the result (solving the problem).

In relation to a specific individual, conflict also carries positive and negative functions. The positive ones include:

self-knowledge;
correction of self-esteem;
relieving your own tension;
self-development;
adaptation;
socialization;
self-affirmation;
self-realization.

The negative effects of conflict on a specific person include:

decreased performance,
self-disappointment
decreased self-esteem,
loss of motivation,
development of passivity,
destruction of worldview,
loss of valuables.

A measure of the subject's psychological stress

Dissatisfaction is a feeling of dissatisfaction and an expression of dissatisfaction with something or someone, manifested by a grimace, intonation, plasticity, and sometimes vocabulary. On the one hand, dissatisfaction is not yet a conflict, since the subject is hardly aware of the cause of this state; the object of unrealized interest is still on the periphery of consciousness, but not at its center. On the other hand, dissatisfaction is already a conflict, since circumstances lead to a conflict of interests, although this conflict of interests is not yet clearly defined.

A person asks to be introduced at work during a visit to the dentist. The colleague complies with the request, quietly muttering to himself: “They always ride on me.” There seems to be no conflict here. But again, it doesn't seem like it's due to a flaw.

Discontent is a thin veil, indicating that, like a subtle ghost, contradiction hovers between subjects. Unacknowledged and therefore unresolved, it thickens, becomes more obvious and turns into a dispute.

Disagreement is a difference of opinions and views that have personal meaning to the subjects, such that they cannot compromise their opinions and views.

The next stage in the development of disagreement tension is resistance, which is an action that prevents another action.

There can be a long period of time between dissatisfaction and disagreement. The time between contradiction and confrontation is short: finally, awareness of the contradiction has occurred, and each subject knows what he wants, his desire to achieve his goal is growing rapidly. Thus, if subjects do not come to their senses here and now, do not use their active imagination, do not paint a picture of future relationships, do not direct their efforts to find a way to resolve the contradiction, they will not notice how they will find themselves at a level of confrontation where the level of tension is excessive.

The paradigm of confrontation is “I don’t want!” Every subject takes this position. (His version is “I still want it!”). The interests of the subject have eclipsed the whole world, the situation in which he and the other subject find himself, relationships, business, circumstances and, most importantly, the future. Everything is focused on a specific interest. It is difficult to get out of the confrontation, because the subjects of the conflict drive themselves into a tough position.

Conflict reaches its highest level of tension in confrontation, in the struggle with someone or something that, in the opinion of the subject, interferes with the achievement of a goal, the realization of interests. Since at a moment of high psychological stress it is the other person who is usually perceived as an obstacle, all forces are directed towards destroying this person. Methods of destruction or suppression are difficult to control, so the use of physical force, as well as humiliation, insult and insult to the opponent of the conflict, cannot be ruled out. If at the first stage (discontent) good relationships and connections have not yet been broken and there is no conflict yet, but at the same time it is already present, then at the last stage (confrontation) all connections are broken and the conflict has essentially disappeared, but it is still present.

The type of resolution we choose determines how the conflict will be resolved and how the relations between the subjects of the conflict will develop. This is the third stage of the conflict.

Structure of the conflict

The structure of the conflict includes two elements:

A conflict situation as a set of causes and conditions for the development of a conflict (a contradiction between the needs and interests of subjects).
An incident as actions (conflict triggers) of one of the parties aimed at achieving goals. “How could he, well, that was the last straw! War means war!

A conflict situation, in turn, is based on the characteristics of the object (real or fictional), the goals and motives of the subjects (parties), their characteristics and vision of the situation.

The subjects and the object themselves are also included in the structure of the conflict. In addition, sometimes minor persons are involved, which can have an ambiguous impact:

incite for the sake of one's own interests (provocateur);
resolve disagreements (mediator);
support one or both sides (ally, support group);
plan and manage the conflict (organizer, “puppeteer”);
to be accidentally involved (victim).

Stages of conflict

There are 4 stages of conflict development:

The formation of a conflict situation, that is, a potential conflict (not always realized by the subjects themselves).
Awareness of contradiction. Moreover, it can be adequate (real vision of the situation), inadequate (distorted vision of the situation), unclear (tension is obvious, but the reason is not clear), false (“made a mountain out of a molehill”).
Choosing conflict behavior tactics. The goal is to block the intentions and achievements of the opposite side.
Conflict resolution. Occurs due to a change in the situation or the attitude of the parties to it. Partial (external signs of conflict have been eliminated, but the parties still have internal motivations for confrontation) and complete (external and internal elimination of conflict behavior and motivations) resolution is possible.

Signs of conflict

In order to clearly understand what a conflict is and how to identify it, you need to remember three main features that must be present in it:

1. Bipolarity (opposition)

. This phenomenon occurs when two people defend opposing points of view in a dispute that is interesting to both. The presence of opposing positions does not yet imply conflict, but is a prerequisite for it.

2. Activity

. Surely you have heard the expression “conflict is only possible with the active participation of both sides.” This is true. For the conflict to continue, both sides must be active.

3. Availability of subjects

. A conflict is not just a situation, but a form of interaction between two subjects. Typically, the likelihood of a dispute escalating into a conflict depends on the conflict level (that is, the presence of conflict thinking) of the subjects.

Conflict classifications

Conflicts can be classified according to different principles.

By solution method

Antagonistic. The categorical attitude of one of the parties is characteristic. The result is complete collapse and the other side abandons its ideas.
Compromise. A group of conflicts in which the parties make mutual concessions, change goals and objectives, and methods of achieving them in order to solve a common problem.

By nature of occurrence

Social (between groups, group and individual, individuals).
Interstate.
National.
Ethnic.
Interethnic.
Organizational (between and within the enterprise).
Intrapersonal (contradictions in the inner world of the individual).

Towards

Horizontal. The parties are not equal in a hierarchical system.
Vertical. The parties are equal in status and age, that is, in any hierarchical system they are at the same level.

According to the consequences

Destructive. They destroy relationships.
Constructive. Strengthens relationships.

By severity

Open. Obvious actions.
Hidden. Indirect interaction.
Potential. Hidden aggression.

By number of participants

Intrapersonal. Contradiction of motives, needs and interests of one person.
Interpersonal. Disagreement between two people on some issue.
Between the group and the individual. For example, a child is not accepted in class.
Intergroup. For example, the confrontation between youth subcultures.
Intragroup. In turn, they are divided into conflicts of hopelessness (complete incompatibility of group members), uncertainty (ambiguous nature of the relationships between participants), attraction and fear (relationships between the core of the group and the rest of the participants).

I suggest you take a closer look at the most popular conflicts, classified by nature and number of participants.

Types of conflicts

All people are unique individuals with their own beliefs, interests, and needs. That is why human relationships are so complex and multifaceted. Conflicts in society are almost inevitable. They manifest themselves in various fields of activity, personal, business and social relationships, politics, and economics.

The literature gives different definitions of a social phenomenon with an emphasis on contradictions. That is, a conflict is an acute manifestation of objective or subjective contradictions based on divergent views, inconsistency of judgments, interests in the process of social interaction.

Conflicts are usually perceived as an undesirable phenomenon and associated with negative emotions, disputes, aggression, and hostility of opposing parties. The notion has taken root that they should be avoided or resolved immediately.

Negative conflicts

Important! All types of conflicts in modern psychology are considered not only in a negative, but also in a positive way, as a generator of new ideas, a way of developing an individual, group, or organization.

A universal scheme for describing the conflict has not yet been developed. There are some disagreements in the created conceptual groups. To facilitate the classification of a complex social phenomenon, supporting concepts and basic characteristics are introduced.

Structure of the conflict:

the object is the problem itself of the dispute that has arisen (resources, statuses, spiritual values);
subjects – direct participants (individuals, groups, organizations);
conditions – (family disputes, business environment);
scale (interpersonal, regional, local);
behavior strategies;
final results.

Sometimes parties to a conflict are outsiders, who may be instigators, leaders, or accidentally involved people.

In a conflict, four stages of its development can be distinguished:

the process of forming a conflict situation;
identification and awareness of contradictions;
choice of behavior tactics;
permission.

To manage a conflict, a targeted influence on its development is required. This is possible by determining the cause of the disagreement, the features and the method of resolution. All efforts are directed toward achieving compatible goals.

Conflict management

For a correct understanding of the essence, features, functions and consequences, the main types of conflicts are distinguished.

For reasons:

difference in goals and vision of what is desired;
lack of resources;
differences in views and thoughts on the issue raised;
features of mental development, differences in feelings and emotions that irritate the participants.

By resolution method:

antagonistic;
compromise.

By areas of manifestation:

social;
foreign policy;
economic;
organizational;
ethnic.

Political conflicts

By duration:

short-term;
protracted.

In the direction of influence:

vertical - opposite sides are at different levels of the hierarchical system;
horizontal – occur between subjects of the same level;
mixed.

Depending on the number of participants, conflicts in society and their types are divided into:

Intrapersonal - occur within one individual, often due to a discrepancy between a person’s actions and his internal attitudes. Accompanied by psychological stress and negative emotions.
Interpersonal – the most common. A clash of goals, values, and behavior of two or more opponents in the process of social communication.
Intergroup. Confrontation between groups on a professional or emotional basis can lead to intra-organizational conflict.
Between the individual and the group. They arise when a new person in a team does not accept the terms of communication.

Interpersonal conflicts

Different types of conflict situations for various reasons can arise in the sphere of trade and services, structural divisions, and social institutions. There are innovative conflicts related to the development of certain organizations.

Ethnonational conflict

These are contradictions between countries and peoples. The causes of such conflicts include:

territorial disputes;
cultural, historical, economic and social divisions;
competition in the division of labor;
struggle for resources.

Ethnonational conflicts develop longer than others. They are characterized by a latent period (putting forward demands), a manifestation stage (sanctions, the beginning of actions), an active period (attacks, strikes) and, in fact, the result (consequences).

As a rule, such conflicts are resolved first by force, then by finding a compromise and cooperation. These are political issues, so I don’t want to get into this jungle in more detail. Let's talk about something more mundane and smaller-scale.

Interpersonal conflict

The confrontation between two people has its own distinctive features:

The confrontation takes place here and now (in person, by phone, via the Internet).
In the process, all reasons are revealed (general and specific, external and internal).
This is a confrontation between individual psychological characteristics (character, temperament, will, intelligence).
There is high emotional tension, all sides of the relationship are involved.
A conflict affects the interests of not only two people, but also those who live, communicate, and work with them.

Interpersonal conflict arises against the background of:

negative assessment of a person’s actions, belittling his importance;
demonstrations of superiority;
downplaying the merits of another person;
violation of personal space;
threats, reproaches;
negative emotional state of one of the partners;
interruptions;
antipathies.

A conflict between two people goes through the following stages:

awareness of the goal,
dispute,
threats,
actions,
attracting others,
blows,
self-destruction.

Resolving interpersonal conflict

It is obvious that without a settlement the conflict will not bring anything good. This is where classic strategies of behavior in conflict come to the rescue, which are selected according to the characteristics of the opponents, the cause of the conflict, the goal and the prevailing conditions.

Several psychological tricks help resolve interpersonal conflict:

emphasize the opponent’s individuality;
address by name;
respect the rights of the opponent;
focus on the positive traits of the person opposite (“You are an attentive and caring father, an interesting conversationalist, if only you were also a romantic husband”);
connect time (try to forget about the “here and now”, connect the past and look into the future);
to compliment;
focus on the social role of the opponent.

Prevention of interpersonal conflict

How can you prevent emerging interpersonal conflict? Here are some recommendations.

If your opponent is aggressive (shouting, angry), then give him time to defuse. Just wait quietly. It is important not to appear arrogant. There is absolutely no point in saying anything - you won’t be heard.
Then ask to express dissatisfaction using facts, not emotions.
Reduce aggression with funny, kind, unexpected questions, but be careful as this may not always apply.
Change "you" to "I". That is, not “you deceived me,” but “I feel deceived.”
Identify the problem (not emotions, likes and dislikes) and think about how it can be solved.
Don't look for someone to blame. Accept the fact of the problem, imagine that someone else has it. How can it be solved? Express the sentences one by one.
Don’t forget to slow down and wait if emotions run high again.
Remember to always respect your personality and your opponent. Don't evaluate a person, evaluate their actions. Not “you are unnecessary”, but “you have not fulfilled your responsibility.”
Repeat your opponent’s phrases, check whether you correctly understood the meaning of his words.
Stay on an equal footing. Don't go up to the level of superiority, but don't go down in the eyes of your opponent either.
Don't prove it. Express or write down the positions of each side, determine what they have in common and what is different.
Don't be afraid to apologize sincerely. This always earns respect from the opponent and changes the course of the conversation.
If you want to say something rude or undignified, then it’s better not to say anything.
Do not state the undesirable state of your opponent (“here you are getting mad again”).
Don't get personal or slam doors.

You can describe the situation in the form of a table. This will help put everything together, fully evaluate the positions of both sides, and the formal nature will pacify emotions. Include in the table such items as problem, goals, obstacles, fears, strengths, opportunities, personal needs, emotions, missing information, common ground.

For the most part, people are ready for compromise or cooperation, but another question is that few people are ready to take the first step towards resolving the conflict.

Family conflict

Family conflicts can arise between children, children and parents, parents and grandparents, spouses and so on, there are a lot of options. Obviously, it is impossible to avoid contradictions in a family, but they can and should be rationally overcome. Popular causes of family conflicts include:

selfishness of one or more people;
inflated self-esteem of one or more members;
unsatisfied need for self-affirmation;
inability to communicate;
financial problems or excessive material demands of one of the spouses;
disagreements in matters of education and housekeeping;
mismatch of temperaments and reluctance to get to know each other;
bad habits of one of the spouses;
problems in sexual life.

Destructive tactics include (and should be avoided):

hypocrisy;
empty promises;
escape (to leave, to sleep, to remain silent);
false agreement (if only they would fall behind);
humiliation and destruction of something significant for a partner (indirect blows);
a blow to secrets (sore spots that were entrusted to you);
revenge at the right opportunity;
attribution of secondary problems.

Instead you need:

plan the conversation (time and place, participants);
clearly see the subject and object of the conflict;
be correct (if you criticize, immediately offer an alternative);
fully, but in an acceptable form, express your emotions and feelings (positive and negative);
repeat your opponent’s words to ensure they are understood correctly and to better understand his position;
break down a complex problem and a big conversation into several small ones;
occupy the time between them with something pleasant;
compare previous information and the picture formed taking into account new data in new conversations;
offer your help to your partner.

Do not incite conflict, be prepared to take the first steps, triple the unexpected surprise, show signs of attention, do not cultivate resentment.

Fathers and Sons

Conflicts between parents and children, perhaps, occupy one of the leading positions. In order to prevent child-parent conflicts, it is recommended to adhere to the following recommendations.

Study the psychological and pedagogical characteristics of children, improve your pedagogical culture.
Create family traditions, collective hobbies and work activities.
Be realistic in your requirements, back up theory with practice.
Follow the same educational line with all relatives.
Take an interest in the child’s life (hobbies, problems, interests, successes).

Psychologist Sergei Klyuchnikov

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Communication can be easy and difficult.

With easy communication, it is easy for people to find a common language, they do not have much conflict in their interests, their psychological qualities are adjusted to each other.

It was this kind of interaction - friendly, mutually enriching - that Saint-Exupéry called “the luxury of human communication.”

Like any luxury, such communication is not universal - otherwise it would cease to be a luxury.

Conflicts in our lives are inevitable, since contradictions between people are irremovable, and therefore conflicts in communication .

If there are no quarrels, then there are no contradictions, and there is no life. Stagnation.

The dream of a completely conflict-free life is utopian and unrealistic. However, ways of resolving conflicts can be very fruitful and not very fruitful (or even not at all).

By learning to conflict in communication correctly, you will learn to avoid unnecessary wars and win inevitable battles.

Causes of conflicts in communication

Most often, the cause of discord is psychological incompatibility (always multiplied by the inability to manage oneself).

People don't like each other for some mysterious reason. Sometimes the cause of conflict in communication lies in a difference of interests.

This often happens in broken marriages or with ex-friends or partners.

Once they were suitable for each other, and there were no problems in communication.

However, over time, their interests diverged so much that, despite the previous positive relationships, they forgot how to negotiate - and confrontation, emotional outbursts and military actions began.

And it happens that people have common interests and have nothing to share, and quarrels and conflicts in communication occur for completely trivial reasons, because of nothing - this, in fact, is called psychological incompatibility.

Initial aggressiveness, lack of restraint and inability to control oneself, increased readiness to quarrel, the habit of psychological “fights” are the third cause of conflicts.

Conflict situations can often be anticipated and predicted.

The partners start a business together, and as long as things go smoothly, they manage to get along well.

However, when a company experiences a period of decline or, conversely, an unexpectedly large income drops, people cannot withstand the critical situation and begin to quarrel.

Marriages of different ages often turn out to be fraught with a deep divergence of interests.

This happened to a couple of my friends whose age difference is twenty-four years.

The first years they lived well, but then the young wife began to grow up, and the husband began to grow old.

She wanted to visit and go to parties, but he gravitated toward a home-based lifestyle. The conflict situation had been brewing gradually for a long time and finally came...

Any conflict in communication is an interaction between people that is based on confrontation.

Their views, or motives, or interests or volitional impulses turn out to be directed against each other.

During conflict communication, turns to his interlocutor with his shadow side and demonstrates new, hitherto unknown qualities.

Just as war differs from peace, a person in a state of conflict also differs from himself in a peaceful state.

The psychological environment, most typical for residents of large cities in the modern world, is a very aggressive, conflict space, filled with fluids of aggression.

Aggression as a style of conflict communication is largely brought up by society itself.

It seems that our media have well grasped the thesis of Heraclitus - “War is the mother of all things.”

“To live with wolves, howl like a wolf,” the Russian proverb answers him.

An aggressive style of behavior is actively shaped by television.

The word “aggressive” itself is often interpreted in a positive way (“aggressive business”) and acts as a semantic equivalent of the word “successful”.

From all sides it is instilled in a person - the more you attack, the faster you will achieve your goal, you will become rich, successful, happy.

In turn, if they attack you, you must fight back immediately. Let us remember how often even the first Russian president uttered this phrase.

The space of modern human relations is quite aggressive. Communication is conflictual in nature; people have competing interests, different beliefs and psychological reactions.

Just as demand creates supply, so attack creates the need for defense.

Certain styles of attack and defense are formed.

The actions and deeds of a person who strikes another on a psychological level can be considered an attack.

It, in turn, can be conscious or unconscious, achieve the goal or not, but the attack will remain an attack in any case.

And any aggression from the outside, as is known, generates a desire to repel a blow and causes a conscious or reflexive defensive reaction.

Reflexive defense forces us, as a rule, to act from the lower floors of our Self.

Conscious defense involves choosing the right strategy and consciously using a particular type of behavior.

Conflict communication is based on the principles of attack - defense, which can be both reflexive and conscious.

It must be said that sometimes it is difficult to separate ordinary human communication, built on the exchange of thoughts, feelings, energies, volitional impulses, from communication based on the attack-defense principle.

Often, communication is built on this principle, which we do not perceive as conflicting: we slightly attack our neighbor and defend ourselves from his retaliatory attacks.

And he, in turn, constantly defending himself a little, constantly attacks us.

This flow of energy from a defensive state to an offensive state and back always occurs in the human community.

And there is no point in complaining about the wild, irrepressible rapacity of human nature.

This gives life a certain amount of sharpness and tension, helps us discharge excess energy relatively painlessly and practice “combat strikes” in comic battles.

This is how fencers train with dull swords, which can simply be replaced with real ones.

However, in real life, rarely does anyone perceive this living exchange of energies and feelings as attack and defense.

The attack-defense relationship system is used not only in conflict communication .

It is not always possible to trace at what point ordinary communication gradually transforms into real military operations, although each of us can recall many examples of such a transformation.

It all starts with harmless jokes, then they turn into caustic irony and often end in mutual insults.

A normal work dispute in a team, which began as a free exchange of opinions, may well transform into a verbal brawl with personalization and general hubbub.

The same is possible in the family. The playful grumbling of the young spouses gradually turns into a showdown and ends in a serious kitchen scandal.

The ways in which conflict develops, which is accompanied by an aggressive attack and painful defense, are truly inscrutable.

Alas, no one will tell you in advance when the dormant energies of evil and the reflexive habit of defense will break through.

But the very logic of our conflicts in communication shows that attack and defense in some sense constitute the deep essence of human existence as a whole.

It's hard to argue with this. And why? After all, it would be much simpler and more useful not to deny this eternal truth, but to master the rules of the game and learn

Phases of conflict in communication

Sooner or later, one or both participants in the ripening conflict realize their confrontation, and a quarrel becomes inevitable.

Conflicts in communication are a natural phase of the development and growth of contradictions.

There comes a realization: “yes, our interests do not coincide.” Previous strategies for smoothing out a conflict situation or veiling it do not work.

One side does not hold back and declares war on the other, carrying out some act of aggression: throwing ridicule, insult, mockery, claim or some other “bomb”.

This is followed by the retaliation phase. In a word, the war begins.

However, war can also proceed in different ways, and this depends on the tactics, temperament and education of the combatants.

Sometimes it can be stormy, sometimes calm and comes down to positional exchanges of tricks.

After the war phase in conflict communication , the conflict resolution phase begins, and it can also take different forms.

This may be a temporary respite in hostilities or the exhaustion of aggression: the parties finally begin to agree on something, sometimes without even understanding why they had to get into a fight.

It’s easy to imagine conflict as a wave.

Both have a beginning phase, a rising phase, a climax phase and a falling phase, after which the conflict can either be interrupted or flare up again.

The life of conflicted people is continuous waves, overlapping each other and exhausting the psyche.

Psychologists who have studied conflict trace certain dynamics in the possibility of its resolution.

At the beginning phase, about 90% of conflicts fade away: passions at this stage have not yet flared up, and it is quite easy to extinguish their fire.

In the escalation phase, it is possible to prevent approximately 50% of conflicts.

In this phase, it is already more difficult to do this than at the beginning, because the parties have already taken certain steps, the conflict in communication has flared up, and retreat at this stage for many means a loss of face: the other side would interpret this as their victory.

This situation is extremely painful for the pride of many people. At the culmination phase, the chances that the conflict in communication can be stopped are already less than 5%.

When it comes to fighting, literally and even figuratively, there is hardly any hope that people will immediately be able to forget their grievances, apologize to each other and begin to calmly dot the i’s.

As a rule, in such cases they fight to the bitter end - until someone retreats before the opponent’s strength or both fall exhausted.

During the decline phase, the conflict is extinguished in about 20% of cases: having been rude to each other and thereby letting off steam, one fifth of people calm down and become capable of negotiating.

The remaining four-fifths disperse as enemies, emerging from the conflict with frustration, hatred and irritation.

Conflicts in communication and psychological types

The degree of conflict in communication depends on what psychological type a person belongs to.

Conflictologists, based on the typology of personalities created by Gannushkin, identify five main psychological types: hysteroid, schizoid, hyperthymic, epileptoid and asthenic.

A hysteroid is a vain poser, an extrovert with defiant manners.

He loves to be the center of attention and often works for the public: some call it demonstrativeness and posing, and some call it artistry.

Usually the hysterical person goes into conflict so that someone will see and appreciate it.

The most striking example of such behavior in politics is embodied by Vladimir Zhirinovsky.

A schizoid is a person of principle, often of an introverted nature.

These stubborn people are guided in their behavior by their internal decision, and not by the external situation.

They love schemes and systems, which is fraught with a lack of flexibility, rigidity, and focus on themselves and their vision.

As a rule, such people are suspicious, have inflated self-esteem and are little critical of their actions.

At the same time, they are poorly oriented in the situation, poorly sensing its nuances, and therefore it is not so rare for them to have a variety of conflicts in communication .

If such a person does not see manifestations of goodwill towards himself, he often interprets this as manifestations of aggression.

He reacts to this with resentment, the right to which he will stubbornly defend.

Hypertim is a leader who loves power, a person with great ambitions and strong passions.

For the sake of the goal, he is able to restrain his feelings, but if he is dealing with someone who is weaker than him, he does not stand on ceremony and throws out on his interlocutor everything that he feels at the moment.

Hyperthyms are like fast-moving cars that have difficulty braking.

If they had driven slower, there would have been fewer casualties on the road.

In a state of rage and conflict in communication, such people do not follow any rules, they are not prone to self-criticism, but are always ready to blame another for creating an emergency situation on the road.

Epileptoid is a thorough, meticulous person and very sensitive to details.

He is often stingy, ready to defend every little thing that seems important to him.

He cannot tolerate disorder in others; the forces of chaos drive him crazy.

Outwardly, the epileptoid is always reserved.

He makes high demands on himself and others, but this is often perceived as petty nagging.

An asthenic person is a so-called conflict-free person.

This type of person is always ready to make concessions.

A weak will makes him very suggestible, unstable, inconsistent and dependent on the opinions of others.

He cannot resist other people and therefore is always ready to smooth out rough edges and make compromises, without even thinking about the reasons for the conflict.

If you want to understand the psychology of the person who is in conflict with you, try to understand what psychotype he belongs to.

Do not forget that it was also useful for you to determine your own psychotype and, depending on this, choose the right strategy when communicating with your opponent.

In this case, your communication conflicts will more often end in your favor.

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Intrapersonal conflict

One of the most difficult types. Intrapersonal conflict seems to split a person into two camps (or even more). His opponent is always next to him, this is the difficulty.

Intrapersonal conflict can be motivational, moral, role, between desires and reality, adaptation, due to inadequate self-esteem. It may manifest itself:

neurasthenic conditions (irritability, depression, sleep problems, headache, decreased performance);
euphoria (hysterical laughter, ostentatious fun);
regression (return to behavior of an earlier age or even primitive forms, avoidance of responsibility);
projection (unfounded criticism of others, attributing one’s negative qualities to them);
nomadism (frequent changes in any area of life, instability);
rationalism (self-justification of any of one’s actions).

The positive effects of intrapersonal conflict include (if successfully overcome):

mobilization and activation of personal resources;
self-knowledge and formation of adequate self-esteem;
“what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”;
self-development and self-actualization of personality;
enrichment of the inner world.

The negative consequences of intrapersonal conflict include (if unfavorable overcoming):

personality disorganization;
decreased productivity;
developmental cessation or degradation;
aggression or submission of a person, or another defensive reaction (read more about this in the article “Mechanisms of psychological defense of the individual”);
doubts, anxiety, depression, depression and other mental disorders;
loss of meaning in life;
feeling of one's own inferiority and worthlessness.

In a group, such a person appears distant, asocial, inattentive, rude or disorganized, silent, and sensitive to criticism.

Organizational conflicts

Conflicts between participants in one or more organizations can be caused by external and internal factors. External ones include:

unstable socio-economic situation in the country or unfavorable conditions;
changes in laws, payments, allowances, benefits;
changes in the legal capabilities of workers.

Internal factors include:

destructive leadership style;
silence, unwillingness to fulfill duties, violation of workers' rights;
active activity of informal leaders;
changing the production process without taking into account the interests of workers.

Signs of conflict in an organization include:

official or unofficial facts of personal humiliation;
sudden change of responsibilities (often without taking into account the interests of the employee);
hackwork, evasion of orders from superiors;
insults;
division into informal groups;
formalism;
depression of individual workers;
negative feedback from employees.

It is solved by choosing a third party to manage the conflict and eliminate its causes, especially if they are normative in nature. An approximate course of resolving such a conflict will be presented below.

Forms of ending the conflict

The conflict can be resolved, settled, extinguished, eliminated or transformed into another conflict.

Permission

It occurs under the condition that the participants are committed to completely solving the problem and eliminating opposition. It takes place in several stages:

Identification of conflicting parties.
Identifying the personal characteristics, motives, goals and interests of each of them.
Identifying the true cause.
Determining the intentions of the parties and their understanding of the situation.
Collection of opinions of persons not directly involved in the conflict, but interested in its successful resolution.
Choosing the optimal strategy for resolving the conflict. When choosing, it is important to take into account the nature of the reason, the characteristics of the participants, and the focus on improving relationships.

Settlement

It assumes the involvement of an independent third party in the process of ending the conflict. At the same time, it is important for him to be as impartial as possible. As a result of the settlement, it is possible to increase the trust of the parties, establish direct contact between them, organize a joint calm discussion, and act in the interests of resolving the conflict. The process also occurs in several stages:

Finding out the causes, not the causes, of the conflict.
Determining the authority of the third party.
Finding out the motives of the conflicting parties (why they are in conflict).

Attenuation

It involves the transition of an open conflict to a hidden one, that is, it is the cessation of opposition, but the preservation of tension. The conflict may fade due to:

exhaustion of the parties;
loss of motive, significance of the object;
abstraction of the parties (other problems arose, the conflict faded into the background).

Elimination

It involves eliminating a conflict situation (conditions, social situation predisposing to conflict) and an incident (actions of opponents). For example, an employee may be transferred to another workshop.

Transformation

In the process of interaction, the motives and interests of the parties change, which gives rise to a new object of conflict. Sometimes transformation appears against the backdrop of an incompletely resolved conflict.

Escalation of conflicts

A much greater danger is posed by ignoring a very important pattern - the escalation of conflict triggers. It happens like this:

We try to respond to a conflict togen directed at us with a stronger conflict togen, often the strongest possible.

Having received a conflict addressed to him, the victim wants to compensate for his psychological damage, so he feels the desire to get rid of his irritation by responding to the insult with an insult. It is difficult to resist the temptation to teach the offender a lesson. As a result, the power of the perpetrator of the conflict is rapidly growing. In trying to justify ourselves, we act on the principle that the best defense is an attack. Perhaps this is explained by the fact that the need to feel safe and comfortable, to maintain one’s dignity is one of the basic human needs, and therefore an attack on it is extremely painful. This pattern is compared with the well-known principle of mechanics: The reaction force is equal to the acting force, but is directed opposite to it. In humans, the reaction is usually stronger than the effect (not equal to it), another fundamental difference is that the mechanical principle works independently of our will, and we can still stop the escalation of conflicts by force of will.

Scheme 1.

The first one is more powerful, but even more powerful

conflict Þ response Þ response Þ response ÞiiiÞ CONFLICT

Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict.

This is one of the circuits through which conflicts arise. This diagram helps to understand why 80% of conflicts arise spontaneously, without intention on the part of those involved in the conflict.

The initial trigger for conflict is often situational, outside the will of the people, and then the escalation of the conflict causes... And then conflict arises. To avoid conflict, the chain of conflict triggers must be broken somehow.

Types of conflict togens.

Most conflict togens can be classified into one of three types:

Striving for excellence;

Manifestation of aggressiveness;

Manifestation of selfishness.

What all these types have in common is that conflict togens are manifestations aimed at solving psychological problems or achieving specific goals (psychological or pragmatic).

Let's look at the most common conflict agents of each type.

Striving for excellence.

Condescending attitude, i.e. a demonstration of superiority, but with a tinge of goodwill: “Don’t be offended”, “Calm down”, “How can you not know?”, “They told you that in Russian...”.

Showing off causes irritation, a desire to “bring the show-off guy to his knees.”

Categorical, categorical - a manifestation of excessive confidence in one’s own rightness, self-confidence; implies superiority and subordination of the interlocutor. (Categorical phrases: “All men are scoundrels”, “All women are liars”, “Everyone steals” and “... and we’ll end the conversation here”). It is the categorical nature of the judgment that causes protest. Seek advice from yourself. There is one rule: give advice only when asked. The advisor essentially takes a position of superiority. The intentions are often the best, but the result is not what you expected.

Interrupting your interlocutor, raising your voice, or when you correct your interlocutor. This shows that his thoughts are more valuable than others, and he is the one who should be listened to.

Retention Information. Information is a necessary element of life. Lack of information creates a state of anxiety. Information may be hidden for various reasons, but nature abhors a vacuum, and the resulting vacuum is filled with speculation, rumors, gossip, which can be even worse.

Violations of ethical standards, both intentional and unintentional. (Using someone else's thoughts, but without citing the author; causing inconvenience, but without apologies, etc.).

When the conflict is considered intractable and unmanageable

A conflict is considered intractable when:

participants perceive it as a struggle;
participants consider the interests of the parties to be mutually exclusive;
the participants initially have different values or interpretations of the conflict, which is what causes disagreements;
The parties are social institutions (for example, family and school).

A conflict is considered unmanageable when:

the parties are determined to maintain the conflict;
constructive interaction is impossible due to the emotional intensity or characteristics of the participants;
the conflict that has arisen is part of the subjects’ broad rejection of each other.

How to manage conflict

If you want to become a third party mediator in resolving a conflict, here are 16 simple steps to manage conflict:

Based on the information you have, present a general picture of the conflict and determine the essence, assess the needs and interests of both parties.
Have a conversation with the participant whose position seems more justified to you. Find out his vision of reasons, fears and desires. From his words, compose his vision of the opponent’s interests, desires and fears.
Talk to the second opponent in the same way.
Have a conversation with your first opponent's friends. They will help you create a more accurate picture of your interests, fears and aspirations.
Do the same with the friends of the second opponent.
Discuss the vision of the conflict (reasons, methods of regulation and possible consequences) with the informal leaders of the group.
Discuss with formal leaders.
Find out the real reason and distance yourself from the participants.
Identify their subconscious motives.
Indicate where each opponent is right and what is wrong.
Describe the possible best and worst possible outcome of the situation for each position. Find out if a compromise is possible.
Assess all possible, including hidden, consequences of your intervention.
Prepare and propose approximately four options for joint efforts of opponents to solve the problem. Moreover, there is a maximum program and a minimum program.
Discuss programs with friends and leaders, make changes if necessary.
Stick to your chosen plan, try to involve your opponents' friends.
Evaluate the positive and negative aspects of your experience.

As you may have noticed, this is a general plan for resolving conflict, universal for different species. Of course, it needs to be adjusted taking into account the specific situation and type of conflict. In its pure form, it is more suitable for resolving organizational conflicts.

Conflict Prevention

Prevention is always more effective than elimination. Therefore, they offer several methods to reduce the tension of the situation:

Consent, or common cause. If it is obvious that, for example, a conflict is brewing between children, then they need to be united in something that satisfies the interests of both. Being passionate, they will find other common topics and learn to collaborate.
Development of empathy, the ability to empathize.
Forming a respectful attitude and understanding of the value of each individual.
Relying on your opponent's strengths. It's important to highlight the differences, but in a positive way. “I know how to present material creatively; you can arrange it in a structured way.”
Relieving psychological stress with the help of “strokes” (holidays, presentations, joint recreation).

You need to undergo trainings yourself or the organizers conduct trainings, events, courses on the general development and strengthening of interpersonal relationships, improving communication skills.