Surely every person has found himself in a situation where he was unable to control his emotions and even behavior. After such an event, a person may lament that he behaved in this particular way, but when he finds himself in the same situation again, he repeats his emotional reaction.
In this case, we are talking about the fact that emotions take precedence over reason and a person, contrary to his own wishes, can show aggression, scream, get into an argument, cry and even lose the ability to control his speech. Of course, without the ability to control your own emotions, it is easy to lose your composure and end up in a similar situation.
In this article:
How self-control will help you control yourself The connection between willpower and self-control How to learn to manage your emotions
What is composure?
Composure is a person’s ability to make competent and objective decisions when a tense situation or stress arises.
Synonyms for composure include self-control and restraint. Composure manifests itself in stressful situations, and a person with this quality is able to think soberly at such moments and not give in to panic. An opinion may arise that a cold-blooded person is characterized by restraint, closeness, and emotional stinginess. But these qualities are not inherent to him all the time; composure makes itself felt only when it is necessary to maintain composure in a stressful situation, i.e. composure cannot be called a static indicator.
Composure does not mean the presence of alienation of emotions, coldness. It is about having maximum control over your own feelings and having the ability to stabilize emotions to achieve a favorable outcome.
The difference between endurance and self-control
Self-control and self-control are concepts whose psychological meaning is often identified or confused with each other.
Grit is the ability of an individual to achieve his goal regardless of the size and strength of the obstacle. A person with good self-control activates mental functions responsible for inhibiting emotions that interfere with the implementation of plans. He steadfastly endures hardship and suffering, pushing emotions into the background, ignoring and suppressing them. This is the main difference from self-control: in this process, feelings are controlled, not pushed aside.
For example, endurance allows a person to be persistent here and now, to demonstrate to others his calmness, and after the end of troubles there is a powerful release of negativity in the form of tears or aggression. With self-control, a person expresses his emotions in the process of resolving the situation, but does it adequately, for example, with the help of I-statements: I am upset, I am angry, I am tired, I am angry. At the same time, he continues to do his job, giving his emotions an outlet within decent limits.
An example of composure
One of the greatest examples of composure, which, by the way, everyone can see, is a moment from the film “Bridge of Spies” (2015), where Tom Hanks played the role of a lawyer defending in court a captured spy who was facing the death penalty.
At one of the key moments, when the defendant was about to be sentenced to death (possibly death), the defendant himself was absolutely calm - he did not worry, did not panic, there was complete serenity and calm on his face.
And so, at this moment, his lawyer - Tom Hanks (right) asks him - “Aren’t you worried at all?”
And the defendant, with a smile on his face and his characteristic calm, asks him a counter question: “Will this help?” But this is not just a counter question, but, in fact, this is the answer. Indeed, worry and loss of composure have never helped anyone, and maintaining composure in emergency situations is very, very important.
Examples
A teacher, for example, must have the ability to maintain self-control. When children begin to misbehave in class, trying to disrupt it, the teacher has to demonstrate this quality to the fullest. He must resist the desire to shout or kick the main “ringleaders” out of the lesson, but calmly and firmly inform students about the inadmissibility of such behavior in such a way as not to offend anyone, but also not to leave the opportunity to disrupt the lesson.
Another example of people who do not lose their composure is the military. Often these people have to see things that a civilian would never dream of in his nightmares. But they must remain calm to preserve their own health and life, as well as those of their comrades or personnel entrusted to them.
Doctors are also people with highly developed self-control. Regardless of what the situation is, they must remain sober, continue their activities and ensure the recovery of their patients. Surgeons, resuscitators, traumatologists and emergency medical personnel should have the best knowledge of their condition.
Pros and cons of composure
We have discussed the positive aspect of being cool, but there is also a negative aspect to this quality. But it is important to note that composure becomes negative when it becomes excessive. In particular, a person with an excessive level of composure may demonstrate cruelty, a high level of inhumanity. In its negative manifestation, this quality is inherent in maniacs, mad scientists, an emotionally burnt-out supervisor, and a medical worker who does not see patients as people, but only as work. Such hypertrophied composure is due to a lack of empathy, i.e. the ability to empathize with other people.
But a “healthy” composure that has not become excessive has many positive aspects. In particular, such a person is practically not subject to manipulation. This character trait helps to formulate an accurate plan even in a stressful situation that changes quickly and requires extreme concentration.
Composure not only allows you to react correctly to stressful situations, but sometimes turns into an actual necessity in certain areas of activity. For example, in the rescue service. A cool-blooded person can control his feelings in an extreme situation and give the right instructions. This quality also helps to adapt normally in a team that is characterized by high competition, a poor microclimate, and not to succumb to manifestations of mobbing, blackmail and emotional abuse.
Most people would like to become cold-blooded to calm the nervous system, change their lives, and solve problems with emotions. It is important to consider that this task can be accomplished. Let's figure out how to do this.
Advice from Daniel Levitin
The American psychologist promotes the practice of preventive work, when it is analyzed in advance what could go wrong and what unpleasant surprises may occur in a given situation. Surely, Viktor Mostovoy’s actions had been practiced many times before in simulators, when options for possible engine failure were considered. Composure is the ability to curb emotions and give way to reason, mobilizing the body, but not the appearance of a ready-made solution out of nowhere.
Therefore, in a calm environment, it is advisable to think in advance about certain actions in the event of, for example, preventing the loss of valuables, documents, emergency leaving the apartment, etc. To do this, you should identify special places for storing keys, a phone, documents, a wallet. Photos or copies of documents should be placed on electronic media in order to quickly restore them in case of loss.
How to develop composure?
To develop this character trait, it is necessary to develop a number of qualities, including learning to maintain internal balance, behave with restraint, not dramatize or exaggerate the significance of problems, be able to be distracted and control yourself. Let's talk about how to develop these skills.
- To achieve internal balance, you will need to forget about existing fear. This will allow you to be resilient and understand how the problem can be solved. For example, if you stop being afraid of the occurrence of a certain important event, you can calm down and understand that this event must happen. It is important to control your own breathing. It should be smooth. This will help you feel calm. It is necessary to understand that problems are mandatory for solving a problem. And you can do this only after concentration. It will be hard. But only this approach will help a person develop composure;
- To feel restraint, you need to learn to notice the main thing in a problem and discard everything unnecessary. There should be no unnecessary barriers in consciousness. After this, you will be able to make the right decision and understand the depth of the problem. It is important to demonstrate the following qualities - empathy, mutual understanding. They are considered the main helpers for long-term endurance during the occurrence of a problem.
- Visualize - be able to imagine a difficult circumstance in life as a web that needs to be untangled. You won't be able to do this if you start to get nervous. The web will only get bigger. After visualizing the problem in the form of a web, you can calm down.
- To achieve composure, you will need to learn to think about the current situation , which can cause stress. It is necessary to analyze it in the context of all factors, weigh all the pros and cons, find and make the necessary decision. You cannot rush or prematurely share your experiences and concerns with other people. It’s better to be alone and think about the problem. It may turn out that the primary information was incorrect, obtained due to emotions, but in reality the situation is different and not everything is so bad.
- There is no need to dramatize when a problem arises or try to “inflate” it. You need to soberly analyze the current situation and control your own thoughts. They can lead in the wrong direction. To avoid such a situation, you will need to force yourself to think that the problem that has arisen is completely insignificant. And solving it will not require spending a lot of time and effort.
Return to suffering
The first rule that can help is to return to your suffering. Every person has some memories that bring pain or great resentment. These are the ones you will have to turn to in your subconscious every time you are overcome with positive emotions.
It usually becomes very painful to experience negative moments at first. But at one point this feeling disappears. And you stop caring. Once you achieve this, it will be easier to solve the problem.
Try to remember all the negative events at once, en masse. Only then can you fully answer how to become insensitive. Yes, it may seem impossible, but with continued practice, you will notice clear changes in your behavior.
Mirroring
Are you often bullied? Or maybe you are simply succumbing to eternal emotional tyranny? Gain strength and courage...and mirror your behavior. Don't be afraid to touch the nerves of your offenders. However, like all other people.
What does it mean? Treat your offenders the same way they treat you. It doesn’t matter who it is - a relative or just a friend/acquaintance. Take people who hurt you as an example. They are usually just perfect role models. After all, the ability to touch a nerve is a good skill for a cruel person.
What to do with those who communicate with you with kindness and friendliness? Mirroring will not help here - it is a charge of unnecessary positive emotions. Therefore, just follow the example of your offenders: try to distance yourself from such individuals, constantly tell them something offensive and unpleasant. Over time, this will become a habit for you.
