Conflict prevention. How to avoid conflict? Psychology of conflict

The third lesson of our training on conflict management is devoted to a very important and, it would not be an exaggeration to say, topical topic - conflict prevention and management.

Unlike the mostly theoretical material of the first two lessons, the information presented below will be useful not only for reading and comprehension, but also for direct application in practice.

Using the acquired knowledge will not be difficult for you, because... All of them are presented with the expectation of use in everyday life.

What is conflict

In modern psychology there are many different definitions of this concept. But they all assume that conflict is the most acute phase of resolving various contradictions. They arise in the process of interaction and consist in the opposition of the participants in the situation, accompanying it with negative emotions. Most scientists focus specifically on the contradictory goals and interests of the subjects of the disagreement that has arisen.

There is a definition of contradiction as a speech act, which distinguishes three stages of the struggle of interests, the result of which is a conflict:

differences of opinion;
contradiction in dialogues;
direct struggle, expressed in conflicts of action.

Thus, conflict prevention means the absence of any speech acts intended to cause harm of any kind to the other party.

Rivalry

A strategy that involves defending one’s own interests to the detriment of the interests of the interlocutor. This means that a person is confident that he is right and wants to single-handedly win the dispute. The main actions that a person will take in competition are: strict control of the opponent’s behavior, pressure and the use of tricks, provocations and manipulations, reluctance to enter into a constructive dialogue. This method of conflict resolution has more disadvantages than advantages, and is not at all suitable if you want to maintain a relationship with your interlocutor.

The essence of the conflict

In order for conflict prevention to be sufficiently effective, it is necessary to understand what the essence of the contradiction is, which has four characteristics;

structure;
dynamics;
function;
control.

The structure of the conflict consists of:

object (subject of dispute);
entities (individuals, groups or organizations);
flow conditions;
scale;
strategies and tactics of behavior of the subjects of the situation;
outcome.

The psychology of conflict involves a dynamic process that consists of the following stages:

objective situation when objective reasons for conflict arise;
conflict interaction, where the incident itself occurs;
conflict resolution, which can be complete or partial.

Conflict performs various functions, and some of them are quite important for effective interaction between the parties:

dialectical, which involves identifying the causes of conflict interactions;
constructive, which involves directing the tension caused by the situation that has arisen to achieve the goal;
destructive when different personal and emotional colors of relationships appear.

Conflict regulation essentially comes down to the ability to manage it. Management, in turn, is divided into external and internal. In the first case, control over the situation is entrusted to the leader, in the second, personal control of one’s behavior is necessary.

Five Strategies for Dealing with Conflict

How to solve the problems that have arisen? Thomas and Kilmann described a classic model of conflict strategies. This is pop that works, like Coca-Cola. The mantra “Strive for win-win” arose from there.

Let us place on the axes of a simple graph 100% of the benefit of one side and 100% of the benefit of the second. During the conflict, each of the partners chooses the area they want to capture. This determines his strategy. For example, a compromise will give 50% to each. Win-win (cooperation) 100%, but this is not always possible. There are also more interesting strategies: confrontation (100%, 0%), concession (0%, 100%) and avoidance (0%, 0%).

Winning a conflict is the area of the shaded figure, so it may seem that the best strategy is win-win. But life is not limited to a specific conflict: sometimes a person is sure that he will not be able to win, and it is more profitable to retreat or pass by. There are no good or bad strategies, what matters is situationality and consequences.

Cooperation. Let's check it out: maybe you both can get everything you want and more. To do this, determine the goal of each party: what you want, which option suits you. Discuss it with the other party. In general, scout the situation, look for other potential interests, find and offer new opportunities.

If you are competing for a position or a client (that is, something indivisible), then win-win will not be achieved. But if you want different things from the object of interest, then after analysis and negotiations you can come to cooperation. For example, a free window in a meeting room will go to one person, and a corporate card for a business lunch with a client will go to another.

Compromise . From the classics: “What do you want, Miss Murphy?” - “Eddie, I want half.” Compromise is the most common way to resolve conflicts. Let's be constructive and come to it. We will divide the tasks equally and take turns occupying the office.

Dividing 50/50 will not always work. Therefore, focus on satisfaction, not on the number of pizza slices in the box. Decide what you like best, what you need first, and what is easiest to do. Both of you must meet each other halfway.

Confrontation. If you don’t have enough fun and want everything at once, you are a fighter. But think about the consequences: will you be excluded from the group if you constantly take all the chips from the table? If you want to fight in a relevant way, initiate fair competition. But only in such a way that the losers recognize the justice of defeat and maintain their dignity. Otherwise, one of them will harbor a grudge and may take revenge.

In general, it's up to you. Sometimes we get cocky, and that's okay. For example, if you love Starbucks for its service, then order a cup of coffee on Arbat. Most likely, you will be unpleasantly surprised. When a business has an endless number of disposable customers, it begins to act antagonistic and impudent. Forgets about the interests of other parties because he does not see the value in long-term relationships. Do you have an endless number of partners?

Concession. If you come across a stronger lion, give in. There is no point, as Bruce Lee bequeathed, jumping on the back of a tiger, because you will not be able to jump off it without consequences. This is motivation for growth, and it should be in the zone of proximal development.

In other words, a concession is when you have assessed your chances of winning and realized that they are unlikely and the costs are low. You are asked to print out and sign another form at the administration, you agree: after all, it’s not difficult to sign, but it’s almost impossible to argue.

Avoidance. This is a strategy of actively maintaining the status quo, which means hushing up the interests of the parties and freezing their overall development. At the same time, a bully on a train is not a reason to make money on a racket (win-win) or compromise to divide spheres of influence among the benches of the train. Sometimes it's better to move to another one. Remember that in addition to the interests of the conflict, there are also costs from its occurrence. It happens that they significantly exceed the potential benefits.

Now you know what you can do to solve problems. But that is not all! You will need to adjust for the strategy chosen by your partner. If he:

Strives for win-win - just negotiate wisely and choose the same strategy.
A person of compromises - initiate the search for other benefits and opportunities with the help of questions (suddenly a win-win is possible).
Opponent - talk about prospects: does he think that he will retain his positions and benefits if he always gets his way 100%? If you want to fight, for example, for a specific project, then create fair competition or invite a third party.
A yielder or an avoider - see if he soon begins to move to the destructive side, because he has probably already sacrificed a lot. Ask what he wants and tell him that his interests are as important as those of anyone on the team.

Still from the film “The Art of Self-Defense”

Main stages of conflict situations

The reasons for disagreements can be very different, but common to all of them are the stages of the emergence and resolution of a dispute. So, the stages of the conflict are as follows:

the moment of emergence of a conflict situation, which can be provoked by one or several people;
awareness of the current situation, expressed in changes in mood and various critical statements addressed to the opponent;
open confrontation, when the parties take active action with the aim of causing offense or other moral damage to the enemy;
the opponent’s awareness of the conflict situation and the beginning of response actions;
development of conflict when certain demands are put forward;
the finalization of disagreements through requests, conversations or administrative methods, consisting of a court decision, dismissal, etc.

As you may have noticed, these stages of conflict move from one to another, regardless of the type of disagreement that arises.

Outcome options

There are different options for resolving conflict situations:

leaving it when one of the parties does not notice or pretends not to notice the disagreements that have arisen;
smoothing out contradictions when one of the subjects of the conflict either agrees with the claims made by the other party or justifies himself;
compromise, when both parties make mutual concessions in order to resolve disagreements;
an increase in tension when the onset of a conflict is particularly abrupt and turns into a serious confrontation that is not limited in time;
suppression of a conflict by force, when one of the parties or both subjects is forced to accept a certain point of view.

Swap places

One of the most effective ways to resolve a variety of contradictions. First, try to take the position of the opposite side. The main thing is to get into the skin of this person, understand his habits, worldview, character, financial situation and much more. Perhaps, from his point of view, he is indeed right. And then, based on this, explain your position to him so that he, too, comes closer to you and takes your place. Invite him to make a decision for you. By giving your opponent freedom of action, you will give him responsibility for the decision, which will most likely stop him from hasty steps or at least make him think.

Tamara, 37 years old, head teacher: “When retiring, my predecessor warned: “Be careful with Petrova. Like the new schedule, she is unhappy. He’ll walk around and torture you.” That's how it all turned out. As soon as there was the slightest change in her schedule, she immediately came and began to shake her nerves, you would think that she was the only one with problems! Then I suggested that she herself change her schedule the way she wants, but so that the overall picture does not “creep”. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t come up with anything. She didn't bother me anymore."

There are other ways to resolve conflict situations. The most reasonable of them is to try to find a compromise, to resolve the contradiction point by point. But they are good when the opposite side is also ready for dialogue. Threats, ultimatums and other harsh means most often lead to unpredictable consequences, so it is better to avoid such methods. But nobility never hurt anyone. Even if you put your opponent on both shoulder blades, you should not mock him or make fun of him in front of others. It is best to show that you consider the incident to be resolved and help your colleague get out of the situation with dignity. Only when both parties are happy can the problem be considered resolved.

Olga Klimentova Article provided by the magazine “Work & Salary”

Types of conflicts

The psychology of conflict involves its division into types depending on the basis. Thus, the following factors can serve as the basis for identifying it as a separate type:

sources of occurrence;
social consequences;
scale;
forms of struggle;
subjects' tactics.

Conflicts are also divided into two types in relation to an individual subject:

internal;
external.

Internal conflict involves the contradiction of the desires of one person, and external conflict involves disagreements between him and the environment. The nature of the external conflict, in turn, can be interpersonal, intergroup, or such that it arises between an individual and a group.

Interpersonal conflict is the most common and consists of a clash of interests of different individuals. Intergroup conflict, as a rule, arises in a work atmosphere when the interests of small groups turn out to be opposing. As for the conflict between an individual and a group, this kind of disagreement is also typical in the business sphere, when the interests of the organization contradict the interests of the individual.

In addition to such disagreements, there are many others: family, teenage, personal or generational conflict. In each of these situations, problems arise with the closest people, which means that everything must be done to prevent this.

Family conflicts

Unfortunately, despite all efforts, conflicts in the family are an inevitable phenomenon. And the point here is not that people don’t like each other, it’s just that not everyone knows how to resolve differences peacefully.

Conflicts in the family can be between spouses, between children, between parents and children, between spouses and their parents - there are many options. However, the question arises: why do some couples live happily ever after, while others become enemies and separate forever? It's all about people's attitude to the current situation. The subject of the conflict can inflate the scandal, increasing its scale, but it is within his power to end it without great moral losses.

The slightest reason is enough for a conflict situation to arise. Sometimes it becomes like a game of table tennis, when partners throw mutual accusations at each other like a ball in a game. This can go on for quite a long time, it all depends on the desire and ability of the parties to make trouble.

In fact, there are many ways to maintain peace in the family. For example, if frequent disagreements began to appear not so long ago, you can try to express your complaint and ask your spouse to voice it in his own words. Psychologists say that most problems in couples arise due to misinterpretation of the words of their spouse. After trying this method, you will quickly become convinced that the essence of the conflict has no basis.

If the reason for the disagreement is a discrepancy in desires, take a piece of paper and write what you would like to do. It is advisable to have at least 5 items on the list. Then compare your desires and try to deduce from them something common to both. You will be surprised how effective this method is.

However, it is worth remembering that, regardless of the reason for the disagreement, the main thing is to find out its reason. Conflict prevention is to listen and hear each other. In addition, it is necessary to voice your desires without expecting them to be guessed by your spouse. If you follow these two rules, the number of conflict situations in family life will be minimized.

Take a dominant position

A tougher way to get out of a conflict is to try to show your interlocutor that you are the master of the situation. There are many ways here, most of them are non-verbal. Not so much with words, but with intonation, facial expressions, facial expressions, and behavior, a person shows that he is above the incident, this situation is indifferent to him and does not affect him in any way. The main thing here is one hundred percent confidence in victory, since the loser loses everything. It will not be possible to solve the problem this way. That is, the opposite side will still be offended by you, but if you are fluent in this method and know how to apply it correctly, your opponent is unlikely to want a new quarrel with you.

Galina, 30 years old, accountant: “We have a new chief accountant in our company. First of all, she began to establish her own rules, constantly finding fault with the employees, forcing everyone to write explanatory notes, which intimidated the entire accounting department. She tried to influence me too. I dug up a dozen of some minor shortcomings, began to reproach them with them (and I returned from the bank at the wrong time, and left some paper in the wrong folder) and ended, as always, with a demand for an explanatory note. Without thinking twice, I wrote several notes, the text of which was a veiled mockery. She numbered them all and put them on her table. The calculation worked - she is not my employer, so she cannot cut my salary or fire me, and she is afraid to complain to management: she would not admit that she is not in control of the situation. That’s why the boss chose not to touch me anymore.”

The problem of fathers and children

In modern society there are three main directions: older, mature and young. Generation conflict is a normal part of the relationship between elders and younger ones.

As for the discussion of this type of disagreement, a transition to micro levels is inevitable, when this kind of situation becomes commonplace in any average family, where the views of parents differ from those of children or teenagers. However, different worldviews do not necessarily lead to conflict situations.

How to avoid generational conflict? The only way out of this situation is to accept the views of the other side, mutual respect and tolerance. For example, pensioners, having stopped fulfilling their daily professional duties, find themselves in a difficult psychological situation when they need help and support from loved ones.

Teenagers, in turn, are at an age when categorical behavior and complete denial of the opinions of adults is normal for them. Between pensioners and young people stand mature people, who may also suffer from different views on the lives of their parents or children. In this case, each party must be tolerant of and respect the opinions of others. Only such mutual understanding can be the answer to the question of how to avoid conflict between different generations.

Beware of a mistake: what actions “slow down” the resolution of a conflict situation?

But even knowing how to resolve a conflict, very often people do not restrain themselves and make mistakes themselves, which reduce all efforts on the path to “peace” to nothing. These are primarily the following errors:

leaving a calm tone and switching to shouting, adopting an aggressive pose, interrupting during a conversation;
opening ridicule of a partner, switching to insult - it doesn’t matter whether in response or not, i.e. open manifestation of antipathy;
attracting a third party who is the enemy of your opponent;
deliberate understatement of the merits of the opposite side, insincerity and hypocrisy;
systematic refusal to respond to proposals to resolve the issue.

Teenage conflicts

In adolescence, which is considered one of the most difficult periods, conflicts occupy a special place, being an integral part of social life. Conflicts among adolescents arise not only in relationships with parents, but also when communicating with peers. Often, it is the child’s difficult relationships with friends that become a serious cause for parental concern. At this time, adults are required to make every effort to help the teenager avoid difficulties in communication. There are several rules that, if followed, can help avoid such situations and help a teenager move to the next stage of life as painlessly as possible. So, if your goal is to prevent conflicts, you are required to:

Don't blame the teenager for everything. It is at this stage of life that trusting relationships with adults are crucial for him. Therefore, it is extremely important that the child knows that he can trust you in any situation without fear of accusations against him.
Find out the reason for the disagreement. Find out from your child all the details of what happened before drawing conclusions. If a teenager withdraws into himself, you should talk to school teachers and find out the cause of the problem.
Realize that parental intervention is not always beneficial. If we are talking about a quarrel between best friends, who can swear several times a day, and sometimes it comes to a fight, then the intervention of adults will only have a negative result. Before deciding to help your child, find out all the details of what happened.
Do not show indifference. The position of an outside observer is not always beneficial. For example, if your child has serious problems with peers who do not accept him into their circle, this can lead to serious psychological problems in the future. This situation should be taken under control as early as possible, finding out the reasons for such behavior.

Your friendly attitude and tolerance are crucial in resolving teenage conflicts painlessly.

Recourse to management intervention

By resorting to the help of management to resolve disputes that arise between employees, you can put yourself in a very disadvantageous position and tarnish your own reputation. In addition, co-workers are wary or even hostile towards anyone who resolves quarrels in this way.

Sometimes, however, the method helps if you are sure that your boss will understand you and you can correctly convey to him the essence of the problem. In order not to be branded as a brawler or an informer, it is best for the boss to speak only about the essence, emphasizing not that you were personally offended, but that this state of affairs can harm the common cause. Under no circumstances should you suggest a ready-made solution, much less ask for punishment for the opposite side.

Don't threaten your opponent by informing management - he can do it for you. Having decided to appeal to a higher authority and informing your opponent about this, do not give him the opportunity to get ahead of you.

Larisa, 31 years old, sales department manager: “The head of the department didn’t like me. He not only constantly found fault with me, but also periodically simply interfered with my work. I lost promising clients because of him, I was constantly angry and generally wanted to quit. Having realized that I would not work with him, and considering my dismissal decided, I dared to use the last chance. Knowing his meticulousness and pedantry, I asked him to put all comments on my work in writing and send it to me by email, and, having received the message, forwarded it to management. After reading this nonsense, the director immediately fired him.”

Personality conflicts

Especially common are personal conflicts that can arise both between colleagues and between people connected by various social ties. They, as a rule, appear due to the impossibility of accepting the point of view, ideology, value system and other attitudes of the enterprise. Also, disagreements may arise between employees due to the incompatibility of their characters and other psychological characteristics.

The main quality that helps in overcoming such situations is tolerance towards the opinions of others. It is necessary to realize that no one is obliged to share your point of view, because each person has his own opinion. Awareness of this fact makes it easier to perceive personality differences.

Conflict resolution styles

Depending on the goals and interests of the subjects of a conflict situation, the following styles of conflict resolution are distinguished:

Competition is one of the toughest options for resolving conflict situations. Suitable for people who seek to solve a problem primarily to satisfy their own interests. The style is most appropriate in cases where the subject of the conflict is an employee of the organization, and resolving the situation is within the competence of the manager. In this case, it is competition that will teach employees to obey, and will also help restore faith in the success of the enterprise in a difficult situation.
Evasion is expressed in postponing making a decision for too long under various pretexts. This leads to the fact that the situation only becomes more complicated over time, which is why this style is the least preferred.
Adaptation involves focusing on the behavior of others and an unwillingness to defend one’s own interests. The result of choosing this style of conflict resolution is a concession to the opponent’s demands and recognition of his rightness.
Cooperation involves solving a problem in your favor, taking into account the interests of the other party. This is the most acceptable style of resolving social conflicts, because it is the key to maintaining peaceful relations in the future.
A compromise based on mutual concessions on both sides. It is suitable for situations where the goals of the parties coincide, only the ways to achieve them differ. This style of conflict resolution is often the best option for the participants.

Joke

A sense of humor often helps get out of difficult situations. By presenting the problem in a humorous way, it is easier to resolve it, since such a negative factor as hostility is removed. By trying to defuse a tense atmosphere with a smile or a joke, you are showing friendliness and showing that there is no aggression or malice in your words and actions.

But if your opponent does not have a sense of humor or does not find anything funny in the situation, he will perceive your attempts to cheer him up as mockery, and in the end he will have one more complaint. Therefore, if you are not sure that the interlocutor will understand your joke correctly, it is better not to risk it.

Vasily, 26 years old, tour manager.

Basic ways to resolve conflict situations

All existing methods of conflict resolution can be divided into two large groups: negative and positive.

Negative means a struggle for one’s own interests, the main goal of which is to change the conflict situation. This can be achieved in various ways:

influencing the other side;
changing the balance of power;
using both true and false information about an opponent for one’s own purposes;
correctly assessing the other side and its capabilities.

This method of resolving a conflict is quite aggressive and often leads to a breakdown in unity between the parties in the future. This is why it should be avoided whenever possible.

Positive methods of conflict resolution involve negotiating to determine the most optimal solution to the situation. They, as a rule, require concessions from the subjects and lead to partial satisfaction of the interests of the parties.

Thus, there are many ways to resolve conflict situations, but the best way is to prevent it.

Let off some steam

It is very useful to have a friend at work to whom you can complain when something goes wrong with a task or a client demands the impossible. This is not the colleague from the first example who just happened to be there when you were annoyed. And the one you trust and to whom you can calmly pour out your soul.

This is necessary from time to time, so don’t keep negative emotions to yourself. But don’t forget to switch to something positive after each “therapeutic session”. Otherwise, you risk ruining the mood of both yourself and your friend for the whole day.

For example, consider what an unpleasant situation can teach you or how you can change your approach to it. If you are the listener, remind your friend about this.

How to avoid conflicts

The most common reason for this kind of disagreement is a person’s excessive emotionality. If your goal is to prevent conflicts, you should learn to:

calmness and resistance to stress, thanks to which you can calmly assess the current situation;
keep your emotions under control in order to be able to convey your arguments to your opponent as effectively as possible;
listen and pay attention to the words and expressions of feelings of others;
realize the right of each person to resolve this or that situation in his own way;
Do not use offensive words or do anything to humiliate your opponent.

Following these rules will help to avoid the emergence of various conflict situations, and therefore the need to look for the optimal way out of them.

Get back to the facts

Some people like to imagine problematic situations at work in advance. They may even convince themselves that this will help them prepare for any eventuality and respond quickly during a conflict. In fact, this only causes unnecessary anxiety and suspicion. And the person begins to look for hidden meaning in the actions of his colleagues, although there is no reason for this.

Or, perhaps, you yourself noticed that one of your colleagues was walking around with a thoughtful look, and began to come up with explanations for this. Maybe he's unhappy with his job? Or treats you personally poorly? Once you settle on one option, you begin to perceive it as fact, and this can affect your communication with that person. Although at that moment he could think about anything not related to work.

In both cases, it is important to stop in time. Go back to the facts you know and don't overthink things.

Figure it out