Ways to resolve conflict: how to find the optimal one

How to get out of a conflict and what absolutely cannot be done in a conflict situation? People of all ages face this unpleasant phenomenon. Small children quarrel among themselves over toys and parents' attention. Adults do not agree on their views on life, work issues, or issues of recreation and entertainment.

Some conflicts are resolved through serious conversation. Others drag on for weeks, months, years. What to do in such cases?

Causes

Conflicts and controversial situations arise for many reasons:

1. Lack of some type of resource. An example is a family that has been saving money for a long time. When the required amount was collected, the wife decided to buy a dishwasher. My husband dreams of purchasing a new computer. Such a discrepancy in views and desires provokes the development of conflict.
2. Dependence on others. Often you have to solve work problems together with other people. In any team, someone will be dissatisfied with the way a colleague works.
3. The difference is in the methods of achieving goals. A situation similar to the previous one. Sometimes several methods of work are discussed at once. However, in reality one or at most two is used. Another example is friends who decide to relax together. One wants to go to a nightclub, while the other prefers to spend time at home watching a new movie.
4. Different goals. On this basis, conflicts develop both between individuals and between groups.
5. Incomplete or inaccurate information provided. Here psychologists often give an example about two sisters who could not divide an orange. They turned to the sage for help. It turned out that there was no problem. One girl needs the juice, the other the zest.

No matter how trivial it may sound, often the cause of conflicts is character traits and emotional state. In most cases, such situations arise between people who live or work together.

Let's summarize

For any manager, employee conflict is a test of strength, a kind of exam. The boss should take a neutral position and, through negotiations, help employees come to a mutually beneficial solution. There are 5 main strategies for behavior in a conflict situation: conflict avoidance, concession, competition, cooperation and compromise. Compromise and cooperation are considered constructive ways out of conflict; they should be strived for in resolving controversial situations. But this does not mean that other strategies should be rejected. Taking into account all the circumstances of the conflict, weighing all the pros and cons, choose the optimal solution in a particular situation.

Separate from work conflicts is the phenomenon of bullying in a team - psychological pressure directed at a specific person. The manager must be aware of the problems of the team and prevent such phenomena.

Conflicts negatively affect work - tension increases, instead of working, employees find out who is right and who is wrong, orders are lost, profits fall. If the team is conflictual, staff turnover occurs, a lot of resources are spent on training new employees and getting them up to speed.

At the same time, some disputes can improve the company's performance. If there are conflicts regarding the division of responsibilities, this is a reason to refine business processes and draw up a clear algorithm for employee actions. If unfair wages cause negativity, you need to create a system of evaluation criteria, bonuses and fines. If disputes arise because workers are overworked, a time and attendance system can be installed to analyze the situation.

Often conflicts are a result of the growth of an organization; it is better to overcome them while the organization is small, so that when the business scales, these problems no longer interfere.

Kinds

There are three types of conflicts. Each has its own characteristics and distinctive features.

Clear conflict

Has a clearly defined reason. All parties know what they want. Here you can recall an example of a quarrel between spouses over accumulated money.

Hidden conflict

The participants in the conflict do not understand the reasons for its occurrence. For example, the class teacher often scolds a student for what she thinks is an unkempt appearance. However, the cause of discontent is personal hostility.

False conflict

Develops against the background of misunderstandings or receipt of inaccurate information. For example, a mother scolds a child for wanting to pet a stray dog. However, the child did not even think about doing this. He simply approached her while walking.

Primary analysis of the situation

Of course, it is better to negotiate peacefully, kindly and respecting each other’s interests. But this is not always possible. There are situations when conflict is inevitable. Exiting the conflict with the least losses in this case is the main task of each participant.

Before taking any active action, you need to stop and think. Stress is an inevitable accompaniment of any quarrel, and it is a bad advisor. Therefore, you need to try to calm down, turn off your emotions and analyze the current situation. Perhaps a way out of the conflict will be found quickly enough; a lot of effort may have to be made to resolve the situation. But, one way or another, some analytical work will have to be done. Any conflict of interests is akin to a game of chess. The winner is the one who can soberly assess the situation and make the only right decision.

Conflict resolution methods

There are many ways to resolve conflict situations. They help solve the problem immediately after it occurs or stop its development.

Rivalry

Implemented more often than other methods. Involves defending one's interests to the bitter end. The parties to the conflict are ready to do anything not to give in to each other. Various types of pressure can be used in the process.

The method is used when people’s lives and the success of an enterprise depend on the decision made. An example could be a situation where one of the family members wants to go on vacation to a country with a difficult political situation, the threat of a military coup. Here the opponent can and must be proven right.

This method is also applicable in cases where it is necessary to resolve a conflict between a manager and a subordinate. The first can force the second to accept his point of view.

Device

Otherwise called flexibility. This is a decision to sacrifice one's interests for the sake of maintaining normal relationships. The method will be effective in several cases:

• good relationships are better than the cause of conflict;
• the result is more important to the opponent;
• the situation does not deserve such close attention;
• the chances of winning are critically low.

You can also make concessions if a person admits he was wrong.

Compromise

This is a situation when the parties to the conflict make concessions, satisfying only part of their own interests. There are cases when you need to use this particular exit path:

• the parties have an equal chance of winning;
• a temporary solution works for both;
• the initial goal or task can be modified.

You can compromise when it is the only way to maintain a good relationship.

Cooperation

Allows you to satisfy the interests of all parties to the conflict. However, it will take more time to resolve the problem.

This method will be most effective if:

• opponents want to avoid a quarrel and at the same time remain in their interests;
• the relationships between the parties to the conflict require preservation;
• there is plenty of time to solve the problem;
• the participants in the quarrel are ready to calmly explain their position.

Cooperation is appropriate if the parties to the conflict speak as equals. Otherwise there will be no result.

Care

Detachment from conflict or the so-called ostrich method. The person simply steps aside, leaving the problem unresolved. Such actions will be especially effective in the case when the counterpart is not well-mannered, deliberately provokes a quarrel, or is a complete stranger. This also includes situations where the result is not so important.

Avoiding conflict is considered an inappropriate method for resolving serious issues. Over time, discontent will accumulate, which will ultimately lead to a scandal.

Not just a conflict between employees: bullying in a team

Separate from work conflicts is psychological terror, bullying of “inconvenient” employees. Its causes may be personal hostility, tense relationships in the team, the presence of a provocateur who takes pleasure in pushing employees together. If the source of bullying is one person, this phenomenon is called bullying, if a group of employees is called mobbing. Manifestations can be different: boycott, gossip, slander, withholding information, unfounded criticism and much more.

Anyone can become a victim of mobbing:

• a new boss who is not accepted by the team;
• a very gifted employee whose colleagues are against him sticking his neck out;
• a modest hard worker who simply cannot respond to offenders.

Bullying shows that there is an unhealthy atmosphere in the team, so it is important to prevent such phenomena. But this can be very difficult to do - provocateurs get away with it during a conflict analysis, shifting responsibility to other colleagues. Mobbing is difficult to recognize and stop - helping the victim can be perceived as an attempt to single him out, which will lead to an escalation of the conflict.

Bullying often has ulterior motives, and to overcome it, it is better to consult a specialist. He will help to find the instigators of the conflict, determine what caused it, and improve relationships in the team. If we are talking about a specific provocateur who, due to character traits, lack of tact, conflict, sets other employees against each other, it is worth considering how valuable this person is to the organization. A solution in this situation may be to fire such an employee, transfer the victim of bullying to another department, disband the department or take measures to improve relationships, encourage teamwork, or work with a psychologist.

Natalya Storozheva , General Director of the Perspective Business and Career Development Center:

“The workdays of the sales department were like a theater of war: people were in conflict over the distribution of client requests from the site, the provision of special conditions to customers, the reservation of goods, the sequence of document processing. It wasn’t just hostility; employees were openly harming each other. One manager kept losing documents, and he was forced to carry a thick folder of “primary documents” to lunch and coffee breaks. Another’s computer constantly froze and the email program did not work; the third could not be reached by phone due to constant communication problems. For some time, the manager turned a blind eye to this, considering it a manifestation of healthy competition. But one day, while one of the employees was absent from the office, her client was told that she was fired due to a loss of trust from management. This led to the loss of a large order, and the manager’s patience ran out. To overcome conflict and sabotage in the team, he revised the department’s motivation system and added a team bonus to personal bonuses, motivating people to cooperate, share experiences, help each other in obtaining orders and developing work with clients. He also coordinated several team building trainings for the department to reduce aggression and help people move from confrontation to mutual assistance. This helped develop team communication skills and reduce tension. It took about three months to stabilize the situation, the sabotage gradually stopped, and the department’s efficiency indicators went up. After 6-7 months, sales growth was 10-12%"

Conflict and emotional control

Managing feelings in a conflict situation is difficult, but it is worth learning. Negative emotions will not solve the problem. They will worsen your relationship with your opponent, your mood, and your health.

You need to react as calmly as possible to the attacks and emotional impact of your interlocutor. This is the main advice. You cannot give in to the “enemy” and act in the same way. It’s better to stop and ask yourself three questions: “Why does a person behave this way?”, “What does he want to achieve?”, “What is the main reason for the manifestation of negative emotions?” This tactic has many advantages:

1. The work of consciousness is activated. Thanks to this, protection against emotional overstrain is activated.
2. The opponent can let off steam.
3. It turns out to be distracted at least for a few moments from unnecessary, offensive information.
4. Reflection and search for answers allows you to assess the situation from the outside and find out the cause of the conflict.

The second piece of advice concerns constructive dialogue, during which you can share your experiences and express your emotions. Often negativity is a kind of defensive reaction of a person to rude behavior or shouting. Therefore, you need to talk calmly, trying to avoid incorrect statements and derogatory phrases.

And finally, the third tip. It affects self-esteem. Under no circumstances should you underestimate either your self-esteem or your opponent. The conversation should take place as equals.

Suppression

Suppression is used mainly if the subject of the conflict is not clear or if it has entered a destructive phase, i.e. has become a direct threat to the participants; and also when it is impossible to enter into an open conflict for any reason or when there is a risk of “falling face down in the mud”, losing authority, etc.

Basic human actions with the “Suppression” strategy

• Targeted and consistent reduction in the number of opponents
• Development and application of a system of norms and rules that can streamline relations between opponents
• Creating and maintaining conditions that prevent or complicate conflict interaction between the parties

Pros and cons of the Suppression strategy

Effective suppression of conflict is possible if the essence of the conflict is not clear enough, because this will nullify the mutual attacks of opponents and protect them from senseless waste of their energy. Suppression can also be effective when continued conflict would cause serious harm to both sides. But when resorting to suppression, it is important to correctly calculate your strength, otherwise the situation may worsen and turn against you (if your opponent turns out to be stronger or has more resources). The issue of suppression should be approached by thinking through all the details.

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Rules of conduct in conflict situations

To resolve a conflict and maintain good relationships, you need to adhere to a certain algorithm of actions.

Find a common denominator

One of the effective ways out of conflict. You won’t be able to tolerate an unpleasant situation or avoid your opponent for a long time, so you still have to talk. Several effective recommendations will help you do without “victims”:

1. Screaming and indignation will achieve nothing. There are, of course, exceptions. However, they usually have the opposite effect. Therefore, you need to remain calm. This behavior will somewhat calm down the “rival” and will arouse respect in him.
2. It is important to understand the other person. You need to think about why your opponent behaves this way. Knowing the motive will help resolve the conflict so as not to return to it again.
3. Get outside opinions. Often, others provide a more adequate assessment of what is happening. Therefore, you need to describe the situation to a close relative or friend. Perhaps he will show a direct way out of their conflict or at least give practical advice.
4. Assess your attitude towards your opponent. We need to think about whether the cause of the conflict is a biased attitude towards a person? If this is the case, it’s worth reminding yourself that no two people on the planet are the same. Discrepancies in character and outlook on life do not make an opponent bad.
5. Think about what the participants in the quarrel have in common. It could be anything: hobbies, music, movies, family. It happens that identical interests nullify differences and radically change the nature of relationships.

In order to find a common denominator and understand all participants in a conflict situation, you need to devote more time to live communication. In the age of technological development, it has become catastrophically scarce. Regular conversations have given way to correspondence via email or social networks. But this will not solve the problem.

Not only constructive dialogues will help to establish communication, but also joint shopping trips, trips to nature, playing sports, etc.

Conflict without aggression

In the wild, aggression is easily fought through a show of force. This is how males defend their territory, females, and food. In human society everything is much more complicated.

A number of principles will help to ensure that in a conflict situation it does not lead to aggression:

1. A smile shows that the opponent, despite disagreements and misunderstandings, evokes sincere sympathy and respect. A good mood quickly spreads to other people.
2. Speaking in a raised voice is a manifestation of aggression. In view of this, the conversation must be conducted calmly, smoothly, and unhurriedly.
3. The opponent needs to speak out. Let him tell you what he doesn't like. At this stage, you should show interest, ask leading questions and insert remarks.

It is also important to show a willingness to cooperate. It is not necessary to make concessions and sacrifice your interests. The main thing is to show sincere interest in solving the problem.

Conflict and Dignity

Remaining calm when your opponent is openly hostile is not easy. Especially if the conflict has dragged on. However, it is still possible to restrain yourself, not start shouting, and maintain your dignity. It is enough to use one of the effective tips:

1. Don't forget about the goal and your position. There is no need to succumb to provocations, attempts to offend or confuse. The interlocutor can resort to any tricks: accusations, memories from the past, persuasion, threats. You should not react to them, make excuses, argue or explain anything. It is better to let the person speak out, and then firmly voice his position.
2. Don't get personal. We need to talk about the problem, not about each other. If necessary, the conversation should be brought back on track.
3. Control behavior. There is no need to tease your opponent. In order to reduce the ardor, it is better to try to adapt to his mood. If he screams, you can also raise your tone. But do this without anger and aggression. Perhaps, seeing himself from the outside, a person will change his behavior.

Another tip: you should always remain yourself. You should not be sarcastic or rude in response to barbs and threats. It is necessary to be above all this, showing the level of education and good manners.

It’s easy to ask for forgiveness and smooth over conflict

Quite an effective way to resolve conflict situations. Helps to avoid grievances, mutual reproaches, and showdowns.

To apologize properly, you need to follow a few tips:

1. Don't waste time. The situation will not resolve on its own. Delaying will intensify the conflict and lead to loss of respect and trust. Therefore, you need to call your opponent for a conversation as quickly as possible.
2. Discuss the situation exclusively in person. As stated above, communication on social networks or instant messengers does not solve the problem. If a person does not want to see each other, you should wait a while and try again.
3. Be as sincere as possible. The desire to resolve the conflict and change the situation must be sincere. It is unlikely that anything will work out if there is falsehood in every word.
4. Choose the right words. The conversation should resolve the conflict, not spark a new one. Therefore, there is no need to make excuses, start discussing a controversial issue again, or remember past grievances.

An apology does not guarantee that the relationship will be the same as it was before. You will have to make a lot of effort to earn trust again.

We are looking for a way out of the situation together with our opponent

Everything is simple here. It is enough to ask your opponents to tell you how they see the result and what prevents its achievement. They also need to suggest ways to resolve the conflict. There is no need to find out who is right and who is wrong. It’s better to discuss together what to do next.

Mirror of claims

Even if the essence of the conflict and the views of the parties to the conflict are clear, you need to clarify details and ask questions from time to time. This way you can show yourself as an attentive interlocutor, a person interested in resolving the issue as quickly as possible.

Mirroring complaints is a great way to reduce aggression.

To be silent or not

It all depends on the situation. If a person is drawn into a quarrel against his will, it is better to be the first to shut up. Such a way out of the conflict will negate the opponent’s efforts to provoke aggression or offend.

If your opponent has stopped talking, you should not remain silent. He may take this as surrender and his own victory. However, the subsequent conversation should be calm, without complaints or reproaches.

Stages of dealing with conflict

The manager must resolve employee conflicts from a neutral position. Its main function is the role of an arbitrator, managing the emotions of all participants in the process, including his own. Methods of solution can be pedagogical (persuasion, explanation, request, conversation) and administrative (dismissal, reprimand, punishment).

HR specialists from the UK conducted a study in which the following percentages of respondents said that improper conflict resolution led to the following consequences:

• 27%: personal attacks and insults;
• 25%: absence from work and sick leave;
• 18%: conflict between departments;
• 18%: bullying;
• 18%: dismissal of employees;
• 16%: dismiss colleagues;
• 13%: Team members move between departments;
• 9%: projects failure.

To understand how to resolve a conflict, find out the reasons for its occurrence. This is best done during a conversation with the parties to the conflict.

Stage 1 – Clarification of the situation

It is better to start the conversation with an introduction in which you can express the hope that the conflict will be resolved for the common benefit. It is necessary to listen to all employees related to the conflict situation. This is the only way to look at the problem from all sides. Most likely, these will be mutual claims and emotional statements. This is necessary so that opponents can let off steam. The boss should not take sides or demonstrate support for a certain point of view. His task is to remain as objective as possible, find out the goals and motives of the employees’ actions, and study the relationships of the participants before the conflict.

Stage 2 – Modeling an “ideal” future

At this stage of the negotiations, find out what vision of the result each side of the conflict has. There is a possibility that this will be something impossible, but this is the only way to understand what each participant wants. It is important to continue communication, even if there is a feeling that negotiations have reached a dead end. The main thing is not to deviate from the essence of the problem and encourage movement towards reconciliation.

Stage 3 – Transition to constructive

To reduce emotional stress, it is important to demonstrate a desire to listen to your partner, show sincere interest in your opponent’s position, and focus on common interests and goals. You need to prove your position with facts, speak calmly, without unnecessary emotions. Using the information obtained earlier, you should briefly outline the essence of the conflict, determine the intentions of the parties to the dispute regarding the means of reconciliation, and move on to the next stage. It is important not to push with authority using threats and ultimatums.

Stage 4 – Finding a solution

At this stage, choose a solution that suits all participants. Often, looking at a situation from the outside, you can see a simple solution that did not occur to you due to raging emotions. If the manager understands that employees are able to negotiate on their own, he can provide them with this opportunity. Otherwise, it is worth drawing the attention of the participants to the fact that without mutual concessions the conflict will not be resolved, so it is necessary to choose an option that will suit everyone.

Stage 5 – Fixation of reconciliation

The solution found needs to be discussed in order to draw additional attention to it. Subordinates must understand that their opinions were heard and their interests were respected. Employee conflict is a pain point that can signal that something is wrong in the organization. Having established relationships between employees, the manager must analyze the big picture to reduce conflicts between employees.

Mikhail Mikhailov , founder of the consulting bureau MIKHAILOV CONSULTING:

“The conflict arose because one employee was appointed head of a department over another. The subordinate considered the new boss incompetent and not suitable for this role. I suggested that the owner act as a regulator in this conflict, since it was important for him to preserve both. But, in the end, we came to a simpler solution - to separate the parties to the conflict into different departments, since the size of the company and functionality allowed this. The employee conflict was resolved by eliminating interaction. Such an easy solution, of course, is not always possible. For other cases, there is a rather extensive procedure for resolving the conflict using a special method.”

What is strictly forbidden to do during a conflict?

There are several prohibitions:

• criticize an opponent;
• attribute bad intentions;
• demonstrate your superiority;
• Blame the incident solely on the interlocutor;
• ignore the interests and position of your counterpart;
• take into account only your own opinion;
• deliberately belittle the merits of the opponent;
• provoke;
• raise the tone, shout;
• put pressure on the sore spot.

Don't think in stereotypes. A person may have a different opinion. Don't try to squeeze a solution to a problem into a generally accepted framework.

Influence on the conflict of subjective factors

A very important factor is not only the objective component of conflicts, but also the subjective element. Still, this is a clash of human interests, and people are far from impartial. Each of the participants in the conflict imagines how he looks from the outside, attributes certain opinions and judgments to his opponent, based only on his own ideas about him - this phenomenon is called “secondary reflection.” Ways out of social conflict often run into such deliberate biases of the parties. It is difficult to persuade people who think poorly of each other not to quarrel. But it is almost impossible to reconcile those who are sure that the enemy hates or despises them. Few people like gossips sitting at the entrance, although they do nothing wrong. It’s just that everyone is sure that the pensioners gathered in the circle do nothing but condemn everyone passing by, suspecting him of the darkest sins. And this is enough to cause hostility, even if grandmothers are simply discussing the TV series they have watched. Such moments also need analysis; they need to be taken into account when exploring the conflict and ways out of it.

Compromise

A compromise, as the name suggests, provides for partial satisfaction of the interests of each party. Such a way out of the conflict presupposes the desire of the opponents to reach at least a temporary agreement, sacrificing some of their demands for this. Most often, a compromise is resorted to if the capabilities of the parties are equal and the cause of the conflict is not fundamental. In this case, it is better to give up a number of claims than to risk losing everything by losing the argument. The main disadvantage of such a strategy is that the peace achieved is rarely long-term. The temptation is too great to try to win back those points that were previously sacrificed when the balance of power changes in the right direction and one of the sides gains an advantage.

Cooperation

The rules for resolving a conflict state that the best solution is the solution that best suits the interests of each party. No strategy meets this requirement quite like collaboration. In this case, the parties not only make mutual concessions, they actively interact, creating alternative ways to solve the problem. Recognizing the obvious importance of resolving the conflict, its participants strive to jointly eliminate the difficulties that have arisen. As a result of using such a strategy, it is possible not only to successfully solve the existing problem, but also to lay the foundations for further fruitful cooperation.

When making a choice in favor of one of the strategies, you should remember that your opponent makes the same decision. There is a high probability that while one of the parties is inclined in favor of a compromise, the other categorically does not want to give up its positions. Therefore, strategies can be adjusted and, if necessary, replaced with more suitable ones for the situation. Carefully studying the conflict and ways out of it, you need to track the enemy's moves and analyze them before making an important decision.