The expression to close the gestalt - in simple words it means to start living in a new way. Leaving the situation open means repeating the mistakes of the past. At the same time, it is not always easy to close the gestalt on your own, since it is often formed outside the zone of people’s control. Therefore, it is important to know techniques on how to close the gestalt.
People remember unfinished tasks best; the brain seems to fixate on them, which in some way provokes the emergence of mental stress. Subjects develop a persistent desire to return to an unfinished situation in order to experience it, turning it on again. So, for example, having started a new relationship, people involuntarily introduce into them unresolved contradictions from previous ones or run away from people who resemble an abusive father. In order to avoid this, it is necessary to close the gestalt in relationships with a man, woman or parent.
Why do you need to complete your thoughts?
Unfinished thoughts and events can be either fully conscious of us or almost invisible. Some thoughts can remain unfinished throughout your life, causing when recalled:
- loss of mood
- prostration
Completing unfinished thoughts will give you:
- comfortable relationships with others
- intrapersonal resource
- feeling of control over one's life
Whether we like it or not, all our needs are satisfied one way or another, albeit not always in the optimal way for us. The question is how consciously and acceptable this is for us.
Examples of an open gestalt
Habit of being capricious
When a small child needs parental attention, but fails to receive it directly, he may become capricious and mischievous, incurring parental anger and, with it, the desired attention. After all, negative attention is also attention. Most likely, having achieved his goal, the child will take this method into adulthood, continuing to reproduce it automatically.
Unreasonable generosity
Some of our qualities and actions are approved by the people around us, and some are not. For example, if you did not want to share your toys, then your mother told you that you should not be so greedy, that you are disgusting in this manifestation. Over time, you do everything not to be greedy, and at some point you not only stop showing, but even realize your greed, becoming almost a standard of generosity. But the energy that was spent on the manifestation of your greed still lives in you. Instead of spending it directly, i.e. In order to manifest your often quite appropriate greed (frugality), you spend additional energy to suppress it. It turns out that your energy is spent against your own interests. Awareness and acceptance of the once discarded parts of yourself will allow you to regain your integrity and energy.
What usually brings discomfort into our lives?
Essence of the question
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What does the incomprehensible word “gestalt” mean? If translated from German, we get “image”, “structure”, “form”. This means little to a person uninitiated in psychology. They speak of an unclosed gestalt if some situation from the past remains unfinished. What is the danger of an unfinished situation? The fact that it is repeated again and again: a person steps on the same rake again and again and cannot break the vicious circle.
Have you noticed that you regularly encounter people of the same psychotype, for example, boors? Or are you haunted by the same life situation, no matter where you are? In extreme cases, a person regularly has the same nightmare dream, for example, that he is being killed or that a monster of a fantastic type is chasing him and cannot catch up with him. These are all examples of unclosed gestalt.
Close Gestalt: what is it in simple words? This means putting a period at the end of the sentence, that is, completing an unfinished situation in the past. For example, unexpressed children's grievances to parents hang like a heavy burden on the soul and become heavier every year. But how to close the gestalt in a relationship if the parents are no longer alive? This relates to internal work with one’s psyche, so the presence of a counterpart is not necessary, although the option of working through it with the participation of the other party is also possible.
Why is it easier to discover gestalt than to get rid of it? Because it is always easier to destroy than to create. But for our subconscious it does not matter what is simpler and what is more complex: it creates psychological discomfort within us if we do not close the gestalts. How does this happen in life? For example, we will constantly find ourselves in an unpleasant situation, which we are terribly afraid of or which causes a feeling of burning shame. There is even a proverb: what you fear happens.
What does an open gestalt look like in a relationship with another person? We will subconsciously look for a meeting with such a person or look for a replacement for him in order to say certain words or do something. Moreover, we will not always understand why we always come across some boors or traitors on the path of life. But everything is very simple: you need to complete the gestalt, work through the situation from the past so that it never happens again.
Do you know of cases where people form a new family with another spouse, but as a result they separate for the same reason that they left their previous spouse? This is all a question of unclosed gestalts: they have found a worthy replacement for their unfaithful or lazy spouse. No matter how many times they get married, the same story will repeat itself.
How to close a gestalt and what usually interferes with this
To speak out the unspoken, to express the unexpressed, to satisfy the unsatisfied - this is the very notorious “completion of the gestalt.”
A simple example of closing a gestalt
The love and tenderness that you have lost in your relationships with loved ones can gain new strength after you fully experience your anger and resentment towards them. To speak out the unspoken, to express the unexpressed, to satisfy the unsatisfied - this is the very notorious “completion of the gestalt.”
The Gestalt approach is based on the idea that no matter what problem you solve, the resources for solving it are within you, access to which can be blocked by various kinds of incompleteness.
Gestalt is one of the most universal areas of psychotherapy, which is effective regardless of:
- whether you are experiencing the routine of life or its acute, crisis stage
- making a difficult decision
- deal with your feelings and internal conflicts or want to improve relationships with loved ones
Toxic ways to close gestalt
Some of our qualities and actions are approved by the people around us, and some are not. Within the framework of Gestalt, we learn to recognize and discard as unnecessary ineffective, crooked, and sometimes toxic ways of satisfying needs, replacing them with healthier and more appropriate ones. Conservative adaptation is replaced by creative adaptation.
Philosophy "here and now"
The philosophy of Gestalt therapy is formulated by K. Naranjo in the peculiar “nine commandments”:
- Live in the Now: Focus on the present rather than the past and future
- Living here: dealing with what is, not what is not
- Don't let your imagination run wild: embrace reality
- Stop unnecessary thinking; better try and see
- Express, not manipulate, explain, justify, judge
- Surrender to the unpleasant and painful as pleasure; do not limit consciousness
- Do not accept other “shoulds” except your own: “Do not make yourself an idol”
- Be fully responsible for your actions, feelings, thoughts
- Be who you are
Basic gestalts: examples
Let's consider the main gestalts, which often remain uncovered.
Example 1. A girl dreams of becoming, say, a web designer, but her parents are sure that a pedagogical institute is better for her - she will always find a job. Following her parents' lead, the girl graduates from a pedagogical institute and begins working as a teacher at school. However, an unfulfilled desire torments her all the time. This manifests itself in irritability, insomnia, and psychological discomfort. It comes to neurosis. The girl decides to close the unfinished gestalt and goes to study to become a web designer. Her health is gradually improving, she is becoming a more balanced and harmonious person.
Example 2. A woman decided to sew herself a beautiful dress, but something went wrong during the process - sewing the dress turned out to be more difficult than she thought. As a result, she puts away the unfinished dress and buys herself a ready-made one in the store. Everything seems to be fine, but that same unfinished thing constantly catches the woman’s eye. The result is that everything she tries to do with her own hands either doesn’t work out, or she doesn’t like it herself, in a word, she can’t finish any work to the end. Why? Because mentally she returns to that unfinished dress, that is, the gestalt is open and it needs to be closed - the dress needs to be remade, altered, thrown out in the end. Then everything will return to normal.
Example 3. A young man was abandoned by a girl, and she did not explain the reason for their breakup, and the guy did not find the courage to ask her about it. Years passed, of course, the matured man had women, he even started a family - he got married and had children. But periodically his thoughts returned to that first girl - he was haunted by the question of why she left him. The wife saw that her husband was sad from time to time, and took it personally - apparently she was doing something wrong. Disagreements began to occur in the family, and things were heading towards divorce. Fortunately, the man realized that the reason for the discord in his relationship with his wife was nothing more than an unclosed gestalt, he turned to a psychologist, and his emotional state began to improve.
Help from specialists
If you can’t cope with all this on your own, then seek help from a psychologist or other specialist who can help you forget about the “unfinished business.” Psychologists who help get rid of the negativity of a broken love relationship, which disrupts the quality of life, use various Gestalt therapy techniques. They are helping:
- develop consciousness;
- survive painful mental conditions and get rid of the burden of the problem;
- forget about your gestalt forever;
- start a life unencumbered by past problems with a new partner or restore an alliance with a former loved one on your own terms.
Typically, specialists use only gentle approaches in their work and gradually, without trauma to the psyche, free clients from the shackles of the past.
Gestalt therapy: alone or with a psychologist
You can practice Gestalt therapy on your own, but there are cases when the help of a professional is needed, namely:
- you have frequent stressful situations;
- you have difficulties communicating with loved ones;
- you have difficulty adapting to a new environment;
- you have long-term depression;
- you are a victim of violence (mental or physical);
- you have suffered a bereavement;
- you have phobias;
- you cannot achieve your goal;
- you cannot satisfy your desire;
- you cannot live for today;
- you cannot understand your feelings and sensations.
In these cases, the help of a Gestalt therapist will be very necessary; it is important to find a good specialist so that the effectiveness of the sessions is as high as possible.
The influence of gestalts on loved ones
It would seem, how can our unfinished situations affect other people? However, those closest to us – children and partners – suffer the most from this. For example, a person who at one time dreamed of becoming an artist, but, following the instructions of his parents, went to a law school, will, without realizing the unfinished aspiration, send his child to all kinds of creative clubs. At the same time, they usually forget to ask the child himself about what he really wants, how to realize himself. After all, it is much easier to make an artist out of your child than to close the gestalt yourself, to work through an unfinished situation yourself.
In relationships, incompleteness manifests itself in the form of whims, incomprehensible demands, hysterics and inappropriate behavior
And the reason for this is the lack of attention received from the previous partner. In order not to torment people dear to your heart, it is necessary to work through and complete all unfinished processes, strive to close the gestalt in past relationships
