Do people change for the sake of something or after something: a psychologist’s opinion, reviews

Are you satisfied with yourself? Do you like the way you look, your character and the way your life is going?

Often it is dissatisfaction with oneself that pushes one to think about changes, and then the world around will change and seem better.

Not every person is able to begin to change - most people like to suffer and think that life itself will somehow change.

The catch is that change is difficult in every sense. Therefore, it is even believed that people, in principle, do not change. But is this really so?

In this article:

Do people changeWhere to start changing10 steps towards change

Do people change: psychology

A person tends to change every day. After all, it is influenced by the social environment and surroundings. An individual who communicates with a certain group of people tends to adopt their habits and traditions. Accordingly, after long-term communication, people can finish each other’s phrases, or think the same way. These factors are considered external, but are directly related to the internal characteristics of a person.

Do people change, psychology:

Almost all people are suggestible and prone to imitation. In order to get close to a certain person or group of people, you need to accept their habits, gestures, and try to copy them. This happens on a subconscious level.
Of course, internal factors and nature most actively affect human behavior. All individuals are different, differing in temperament, as well as mental characteristics. If a person's social environment is favorable, it contributes to the development of a person's potential, as well as the nature of the individual.
Within a person lies the need for self-realization, self-determination, and is a kind of engine of change. It is the desire to become better, to self-actualize, that drives a person, contributing to the emergence of various kinds of changes.

Wisdom

Internal factors

Internal factors include human nature. From birth, people are endowed with different mental properties, temperament, inclinations and qualities. With successful socialization, there is a gradual disclosure of potential, maturation and development that corresponds to the essence and nature of a particular person. The need for self-determination, self-realization and self-actualization is the main internal force for change.

In this case, people change for something or after something. For example, when they understand that their previous lifestyle is harmful to them and spoils their health. Or when they understand that the desired profession and standard of living lacks certain qualities, habits, and skills.

Do people change over time: psychology

People change for certain reasons. For example, a person understands that a given lifestyle or activity is harmful to him and can threaten life and health.

Do people change over time, psychology:

A person changes if he understands that this profession does not generate income. You need to change your personal qualities, habits and skills in order to earn more. External factors are a kind of motivation, and they have a very weak effect on human changes, unlike internal ones. This is why change is much more difficult for someone else than for yourself.
Selfishness and pride play a key role, because most of all a person is able to do for himself, and not for the sake of someone else. That is why treatment of bad habits associated with alcoholism is much faster and easier if the person himself wants it, agreeing to rehabilitation. At the same time, alcoholics are absolutely incapable of changing for the sake of their wife and children, despite the fact that they agree to treatment.
The main reason for change is a person’s internal motivation. Next, willpower comes into play. People only change if they want to. After all, any changes are accompanied by conscious work on oneself. Thanks to painstaking work, individuals get rid of a large number of bad habits and character traits. Only by working on yourself can you get rid of talkativeness, aggression, isolation, and secrecy. These are basically character traits, and they can also be adjusted. People who complain about their character are actually just lazy and are not ready to change anything.

Wise Quotes

What do you get when you change yourself for your partner?

Wasted time

At the beginning of a relationship, due to a hormonal surge, a person sees everything through rose-colored glasses: the partner seems charming, and his eccentricities seem cute. This illusion is also supported by the fact that people often want to appear better than they really are and hide some habits and character traits. Gradually, the euphoria will begin to pass, and the partner will begin to show his dark side. And if something about you categorically does not suit him, this is a reason to look for a more suitable person, and not to reshape yourself.

Ekaterina Matsapura

Why does a person's character change?

It is impossible to change a person’s psychotype and temperament. After all, from birth, every person has certain character traits that create the main line of behavior. The development of a person is influenced by his environment. But overall, the core remains the same as it was from birth. However, this does not mean that you need to relax and go with the flow.

Why does a person’s character change?

Some negative character traits can be smoothed out and tried to get rid of them. As a result of constant work on oneself, a person can correct his behavior and get rid of negative character traits.
Irritability, as well as the ability to build relationships with people, is hereditary. Accordingly, it is quite difficult for people who do not like to communicate with society to change themselves. This does not mean that a person is obliged to sit indoors or work remotely.
If you constantly work on yourself, then even an introvert will turn into a person who works in public. All character traits can be developed and, if necessary, hidden. The main genetic component is the ability of people to change. This contributes to adaptation not only to climatic conditions, but also to a certain social environment and standard of living.

Changes

What can you change in a person?

Household habits are the worst to adjust. They take years to develop and are often harmless. The person himself may not perceive them from a negative side, so he completely refuses to put the toothbrush in another place (put down the toilet seat, cover food with a lid in the microwave). It’s better to put up with such little things or wait for time.

But behavior and character are well adjusted. But only on condition that the owner of the qualities himself wants it. Help him, support him so that the changes go as smoothly and unnoticeably as possible, without stress. The best results are those that are achieved gradually.

How quickly do people change?

We have heard repeatedly from various sources that people do not change. However, psychologists and psychiatrists say the opposite.

How quickly people change:

Instantly. Most often, internal change is facilitated by mental shock. Usually this is the death of someone close to you, or the birth of a child. As a result of these events, the emotional shock is very strong, which forces you to rethink your life attitudes.
Gradually. The development of consciousness contributes to changes. This is a kind of spiritual growth of a person that is invisible to others. Every day a person improves himself and develops his consciousness. All these changes occur very smoothly, and as a result, the friends who previously surrounded the person disappear. This is due to a change in a person’s worldview and his desires. A person’s inner experience, which accumulates over the years, develops consciousness. Thanks to this, the individual looks at the world with different eyes.

Masks

Making adjustments to your life: how to change a person

To change someone, you first need to improve yourself. We list three qualities that are worth working on and correcting:

Dependence on other people's opinions. Often this is expressed in the abstract “What will people say”, in other cases in the need for advice, guidance, guidance. This trait is brought up in childhood by parents who do not allow the child to decide anything on his own, doing everything for him. This leads to low self-esteem, immaturity and inability to cope with problems and make serious decisions.
Fear of failure. Many people don’t start a new business, don’t leave work for another place, don’t leave bad husbands because they’re afraid. This feeling hinders any self-development and forces you to stand still. We need to take steps forward, not fearing for the consequences, but predicting them.
Depressive thoughts. When a person looks at everything negatively in advance, he does not notice the joy of life. Yes, there are problems, but they will seem less significant to you if you meet them with a smile and confidence in the future and in yourself.

Why does a person change dramatically?

Temperament is an innate quality that is difficult to change. It can be corrected as a result of working on oneself. A choleric person is unlikely to become a melancholic person and vice versa. But some of the most striking character traits can be changed or hidden. This is possible as a result of working on yourself.

Why does a person change dramatically?

Circumstances can change a person’s psychology. As in the first case, this is a strong emotional experience. Promotes changes not only for the better, but also for the worse. This usually happens due to moving or changing jobs. If a person is returned to previous conditions, his behavior will be restored.
Finance. They are also capable of changing a person, both for the better and for the worse. After all, very often a revolution occurs in the soul of a person who has become rich. People who were very greedy start spending money on charity.
Bereavement, illness of relatives, death of a loved one.

Emotions

Typical mistakes that prevent genuine human transformation

Human transformation affects deep internal processes. Its goal is not to eliminate the consequences and causes of various injuries that have occurred. This is the birth of a new person who begins to understand the world around him anew and creates his own updated perception.

Not all people can achieve inner transformation. To do this, you need to have a strong enough spirit that can lead a person through all the obstacles along this path. Strengthen him spiritually and, ultimately, open the door to an endless storehouse of universal knowledge.

Spiritual fashionistas escaping their own loneliness

For some, the desire for spiritual development has become a commonplace. This is a kind of another fashionable feature of the year that has nothing to do with human transformation. There is no depth of understanding of the subject itself, but there is a party. The main thing is showing off. These superficial people are afraid of loneliness, and spirituality is an empty phrase for them.

Do people change for the sake of their loved ones: psychology

Relationships between people always seem very complex. Sometimes girls meet young men who do not meet their idea of an ideal man. In such conditions, a woman begins to change a man, or try to do so. Which often becomes the reason for the breakdown of relationships and a large number of divorces. This does not mean that a person is not able to change. A man is capable of transforming beyond recognition, however, under certain conditions.

Do people change for the sake of their loved ones, psychology:

There is a category of women who live with rude, oppressive men with sadistic tendencies. Such men are capable of throwing hysterics, shaking their nerves, and raising their hands against a woman. A relationship is established between a man and a woman, where she is the victim, and he is the pursuer or maniac. In this case, the woman gives her energy to the man, and he feeds on it. In order for such a man to change, changes are necessary in the psychology and perception of the woman herself.
It is necessary for the victim to stop giving energy to the man, she is tired of the role of the victim, she is tired of living in such a relationship. The woman gives the man an ultimatum and says that she is leaving. However, you should not manipulate, a huge number of women do this. You can’t play the “go away” game, as it will soon stop working, and it’s not a fact that it will work the first time. You need to be decisive and change yourself.
It is necessary that in her soul the woman wants to stop dating this man and live as before. Only in such cases is a man able to change. There are also two options for the development of events. Due to the woman’s changes and her reluctance to give energy, the man changes, his worldview and attitude are transformed.

Sometimes a man does not want to change, but the relationship in the old version is no longer possible, and the couple breaks up. In approximately 80% of cases, the relationship breaks down. Only 20% of couples actually change for each other. This applies not only to men, but also to women.

Relax

General information

Disagreements and disputes arise due to misunderstandings. Some demand emotional changes from their partner, while others try to correct his habits, addictions, hobbies, and also remove negative factors - dependence on alcohol or cigarettes.

Implying the entire set of changes, I note: every person changes during growing up and aging. These are natural changes in character (moving away from infantility to independence, accepting problems, taking responsibility for actions, and then for loved ones), which then lead to other habits. Unfortunately, not all people completely get rid of childish traits.

Usually, between the ages of 18 and 20, character is formed, but some changes still occur in a person. Here are the most common methods of metamorphosis encountered in everyday life:

Getting rid of bad habits and traits that the individual himself does not like about himself. Many people evaluate themselves, find something that irritates them or their loved ones about it, and strive to correct it.
With the advent of new knowledge, with the accumulation of information and life experience, the individual loses his point of view or completely loses his thinking. This may affect behavior.
Difficult life situations - death of a loved one, serious illness, financial bankruptcy. At such moments, both men and women become tougher and may lose their immaturity and tenderness.
Profession, study, personal relationships - all this leaves an imprint. Compare a guy at 18 years old and the same young man at 19 after the army.
Social status and position in society impose frameworks and roles on the individual, which over time change the person himself.

Throughout life, natural metamorphoses occur with character. In some cases they can be controlled, in others they cannot.

Why people don't change: psychology

There are several reasons why a person is resistant to change.

Why people don't change, psychology:

His reluctance. An individual is absolutely comfortable living in such a situation and promoting a certain lifestyle.
The person feels very weak. He does not have enough strength to carry out some changes, since they are associated with a certain job.
The environment and surroundings hold a person back, preventing him from changing. In fact, this reason is not so important, since changes occur due to the desire of the person himself, and not the environment. But the environment can affect some features of human behavior. For example, a woman wants to lose weight, but spends time in the company of relatives and friends whose remote control beeps. They are used to eating unhealthy food. Accordingly, in such an environment it is very difficult to go on a diet or join a gym. Because everything around us is different. It is necessary to gradually change the environment and do what is convenient for you. Of course, under no circumstances should you break off relations with your relatives and friends. However, try to reduce your interactions with them. Communicate with them only when there is no risk of you breaking down. Over time, when you lose weight, you find like-minded people, perhaps some of your relatives will be inspired by your example, and they will also want to change.
The main reason for fear of change is the fear of what others will think when you start to change. People who are self-confident, even somewhat selfish, always change much faster and more effectively than people with weak character.
Weak willpower. Very often, after several failures, a person gives up his idea. Although it is necessary to develop your willpower and character, try to achieve your dream an unlimited number of times.
No severe pain. After a certain shock, a person is able to change. In comfortable conditions, the desire for change may not arise.
Not knowing where to start. The hardest thing to start a transformation is to set your goals. Therefore, at the initial stage of change, it is necessary to clearly build an action plan and understand what you want from yourself. It is very difficult to change if there is no understanding of how to do it, for what reason.

Argument

Is change possible?

A person with developed willpower is able to change his character, often having motivation in the form of a loved one.

Can a person change? Maybe, especially if this was preceded by some serious, often traumatic event. A person is also capable of causing changes, including in character, on his own initiative.

At the same time, modern society adheres to two opinions:

it is impossible to change a person (if changes occur, they will be temporary);
changes are possible (good motivation and constant practice in consolidating new skills are enough for changes).

Psychology considers two main reasons that influence the desire to become better:

the influence of a loved one, and this can be either a request to change, or direct demands and even blackmail;
personal desire to change, to become better. Such a need can arise both in a situation when an individual realizes that through his behavior he is poisoning the life of his loved ones, and in the case when someone is nearby who becomes a role model. The individual begins to be drawn to it, and the desire to engage in self-improvement appears. Moreover, such changes can occur both consciously and at an unconscious level.

It is important to understand that as you age, it is very difficult to make changes in a person’s life. His character, behavior, and everyday habits have long been formed; it is almost impossible to change anything. And even if an individual in old age decides to change, his path will be long and laborious.

Why do people change for the worse?

There are several reasons why a person changes for the worse.

Why do people change for the worse?

Reluctance to constantly work on oneself. As you know, it is always easier to degrade than to develop and improve. For degradation there is no need to do work on oneself. It’s enough to be lazy and follow your desires or instincts.
Environment. If a person has a specific environment, he is surrounded by dishonest people, thieves or deceivers, then it is very difficult in such an environment to remain honest and true to his principles. As a result of the influence of others, a person changes for the worse, adapting to them. AND
Deception from other people. Simply put, a person is disappointed in his surroundings, in loved ones, relatives, and therefore does not see the point in developing and being good for someone. First of all, he should be comfortable for himself.

Masks

Stages of change

Understanding the problem

There is an opinion that in order to consolidate new positive character traits, a person needs to go through a number of stages.

Negation. A person tries to resist change, denies the existence of a problem, and convinces himself that his negative traits are not so bad. Someone overcomes this stage, moving on to the next stage, while others, stuck at it, remain with their old habits.
Reflection. Awareness of the problem comes. A person has thoughts about the fact that it is really possible to make adjustments to his life. This stage can take from one to three weeks. This process can be accelerated by the presence of a close environment that influences change.
Preparing for change. An important stage, skipping which it is difficult for a person to consolidate changes. This stage is characterized by the acceptance of new obligations and the awakening of emotions.
Actions. The individual begins to introduce new habits into his life. It’s great if at this stage there are people who praise and motivate.
Saving results. A very difficult stage, but necessary. This is exactly the time when some people give up. For example, after quitting smoking, they break down and start smoking, convincing themselves that they can go through this path of quitting cigarettes again. At this stage, it is very important to continue to follow your idea, not to give in to any temptations, and to go towards your intended goal. This stage may take from one to two months.
Consolidation. The stage at which a person manages to introduce a new habit to the point of automaticity.

It is almost impossible to change an individual against his will. It is unlikely that your threats and scandals will contribute to change. Often in such a situation a person becomes embittered, he develops a strong conviction that he is not loved.

Do people change in relationships?

People change in relationships, and these changes may not be initially noticeable. Indeed, family is the closest people who surround a person.

Do people change in relationships?

The habits of a spouse can significantly affect the psychology of another person, changing it. That is why colossal changes are often observed, as a result of which a person changes, both for the better and for the worse.
Although in 70% of cases changes occur for the worse. People usually tend to adopt negative traits from each other. This is why people in marriage often change not for the better, but, on the contrary, copy the character traits of their partner. However, the opposite situation also exists, this happens in couples in which there are very strong feelings and affection for each other.
People are ready to change for each other, completely transforming their way of life. It becomes a habit and we notice positive changes in some people's lives. First of all, this happens due to strong feelings that overpower a person’s desire to do as is convenient for him.
It is necessary to ensure that a person’s desire to change becomes a priority. This is very difficult to do. If partners do not have feelings or strong attachment, then no changes will occur. At the initial stage, there may be promises that will lead nowhere. A person is able to change only if he is strongly attached or loves.

Internal struggle

Is it possible to change a person for the better or is it impossible?

This will work for those people who themselves have these good traits. Let's give an unsuccessful example: a girl claims that her boyfriend is selfish and does not give her gifts, but she herself behaves in the same selfish and narcissistic way. In the opposite situation, the beloved does not make demands, but gives all of herself to the relationship. This behavior leads to the fact that the young man himself strives to surround such a girl with care.

You cannot ask your spouse to stop drinking beer in the evenings if you yourself do not lead a healthy lifestyle. You need to set a good example - that's the only thing that works.

How does a person change when he stops drinking?

Serious changes are visible after a person stops drinking.

How does a person change when he stops drinking?

A person may remain psychologically dependent for several years, resulting in a significant change in character.
Many note that from a kind and patient person, a teetotaler turns into an angry, hot-tempered, and outspoken one. This happens for several reasons.
A person is simply not interested in his previous environment, since his interests have changed.
It is very difficult for a sober person to be in the company of drunk people; their conversations are not interesting and cannot interest a sober person.

Addiction

Recommendations

You have the power to change if you really want to.

Rethink your life. Conduct an analysis of what character traits do not suit you, what you would like to change in your life.
Evaluate your positive and negative qualities. It would be nice to have an outside perspective. Let a person from your inner circle evaluate your personality.
Determine what qualities are hindering you from achieving your goal. It happens that the presence of one trait does not allow one to get rid of the most negative quality.
When dealing with your shortcomings, focus on your strengths. You can also use antagonists of bad qualities, for example, eradicate greed with generosity.
Work on your inner world. Having gotten rid of one negative trait, begin to eradicate the second. Improve yourself by improving the quality of your life.

When you start making changes in your life, don't expect instant changes. This process is long and requires effort. But the result is worth it.

It is important to understand that a person is capable of changing for the better if he really wants it, it is from him that the initiative comes. Without accepting the need for upcoming changes, it is difficult to force someone to be better or to make adjustments to their character without outside influence.

Why does a person change: reviews

Below you can read reviews from those who have experienced changes in people.

Why a person changes, reviews:

Victor . I drank all my life, I had a huge number of friends. Thanks to this, I got behind the wheel drunk and drove several times. Since he worked as a driver, he did not have time to get away from the constant drinking bouts. On one of these days I had an accident at work. As a result of this, he lost his job and was in a coma for several days. After that I stopped drinking. I am sure that only difficult life situations change people. Then I was between life and death, and God gave me a second chance. I couldn’t spend it on alcohol, constant drinking and showdowns with my wife.
Valentina. I got married at the age of 17. However, my relationship with my husband did not work out, since the marriage happened because of my pregnancy. My husband apparently didn’t have enough fun and didn’t have any special feelings for me. That's why my life was unbearable. One day I said that I was leaving, but he did not attach any importance to it. I packed my things and moved in with my parents. A week later he came and begged to come back. I decided to give him a chance. Unfortunately, nothing has changed. Two years later I left and never came back. I am very glad that I was able to break off the relationship and change my attitude towards marriage. I think that it was not necessary to get married because of pregnancy and force a person who does not love you to marry.
Veronica. I lived with my husband for 10 years. He is a fairly calm person, but recently he has begun to change. Coming home late, making excuses for delays at work. However, I understood that something was wrong. Later I found out that he has a woman. Over time, this was confirmed, he said that he was leaving. He accused me of being overweight and unwilling to change. I really gained weight during maternity leave and became uninteresting. And imagine his surprise when they met 2 years later. I lost a lot of weight and began to relate to men differently. I believe that he gave me the impetus that allowed me to change for the better.

Relationship

The main rule is to let him breathe freely!

Understand that a man has every right NOT to change.

. Imagine that HE constantly demands something from you - not to talk on the phone, not to go out for long walks with friends, to spend less money on cosmetics. You won't like it, will you? Put yourself in his shoes more often.

Analyze why you suddenly don’t like this or that behavior of your partner

. For example, if your husband returns late, why are you worried? Maybe you're just bored and need to find a hobby? Then there will be no time for attacks, and your mood will improve!

Come up with an alternative.

Decide for yourself what behavior you want and why. And explain this to your partner in a normal tone. For example: “I worry when you are late, if it’s not difficult, warn me about it.” Turn the demand into a sweet request.

Find out the hidden motive.

Why does he prefer to spend a lot of time with his friends rather than with you? Maybe you are a homebody and force him to watch the series with you, but he is not interested? Ask yourself honestly, what can you offer in return for his hobby?

Never forget that this is for you

It is important to change a man, it is you who are unhappy. And he thinks that everything is fine with him! Maybe he's not wrong?

Tags: marital relationships, men, family values, interaction, relationships in a couple, psychology of communication, man and woman, relationships, mutual understanding, marriage, husband

You can change your personality, but it's not that easy

Correcting and replacing your behavioral patterns with others requires a lot of resources, including motivation and time.

You also have to remember that these patterns are formed by repeating the same behavior in similar situations. For example, some people have behavioral patterns that involve running away from situations.

These people either try to prevent a situation from happening in the first place, or run away if they failed to predict it. They find it difficult to stop, even if they know it will hurt them.

In the short term, they avoid pain and suffering by running away from their problems. But this behavior can lead to more serious problems in the future, and they may even feel unable to lead a normal life.

Research results

We are all familiar with physical aging; it is easy to detect visually. Now, after decades of research into the effects of aging, scientists are discovering another, more mysterious change. “The message is exactly this: we are not the same person who remains for life,” says Rene Myttus, a psychologist at the University of Edinburgh.

Our features are constantly changing, and by the time we reach our 70s and 80s, we have already undergone significant changes. And while we're used to aging in terms of deterioration and decline, gradually changing our personalities has some surprising benefits.

We become more conscientious, agreeable, and less neurotic. Levels of the dark triad personality traits, Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy also tend to decrease, and with them the risk of antisocial behavior such as crime and substance abuse.

Scientists have proven that we become more sensitive and trusting. Older people have more control over their emotions. At the age of maturation, far from childhood, about 30 years, our personalities are mobile and malleable. “People are becoming better and more socially adept,” Muttus says. “They are increasingly able to balance their own expectations of life with societal demands.”

Advice from psychologists on changing character

Psychologists agree that an important stage in changing one’s qualities is external change. You have to change your job, get surrounded by people who don’t know you. There you will be able to show your other qualities without causing condemnation. It is also important to understand why you are changing yourself. The changes should be beneficial to you. Then you will be able to motivate yourself correctly. To change yourself, you need to find good reasons and true desire.

Change your environment, change your job, or make new friends.
Motivate yourself.
Start doing something that will help you develop the necessary qualities: sports, a new hobby, or something else.

Also, watch films where the characters exhibit the trait you want. Learn from them. Try to imitate.

Therapy for personality disorders

Depending on the type of disorder, the degree of suffering of the person who has these changes, the ability or inability to control the impulses generated by this disorder, as well as the level of personality, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and sexologists treat this pathology. In the mildest cases, psychologists work with such people. Therapy for personality disorders requires long-term and painstaking psychological work. Progress in drug treatment for personality disorders is inconsistent and often questionable. If we set the task of working with personality traits and reactions that burden the patient, then psychological work, in general, can achieve more impressive results than drug assistance.

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All materials on the site are presented for informational purposes only, approved by certified physician Mikhail Vasiliev, diploma series 064834, in accordance with license No. LO-77-005297 dated September 17, 2012, by a certified specialist in the field of psychiatry, certificate number 0177241425770.