The ability to manage emotions is an important skill that a person needs to master in order to successfully interact with others. Emotions are a person’s natural reaction to certain events or people’s actions. Their manifestation is not always appropriate, so psychologists advise learning self-control. How to manage your emotions?
Ability to manage emotions
Is it possible to control emotions?
The degree of manifestation of emotional reactions depends not only on a person’s upbringing, but also on the characteristics of his temperament. Therefore, some believe that they will not be able to teach themselves to manage their experiences and feelings. This is not at all true - psychologists have developed ways to learn how to manage your emotions.
People think about managing their emotions after they have reacted to an event or have been told that their feelings are being too intense. They promise that next time they will think before they do or say anything. To fulfill it, you need not only desire, but also knowledge of how to control emotions.
Interesting. It is easier to monitor their emotional behavior for those people who have been taught this skill since childhood. They are taught not that they need to always be cool, but to understand when to show emotions, when to remain calm.
It is possible to master this art as an adult. What is emotion management in psychology? This is the ability to change the psychological state and degree of manifestation of feelings using special exercises. There are two options:
- weakening of emotional reactions;
- strengthening emotional reactions.
Most often, they learn to weaken; in some cases, strengthening of emotions is required. Sometimes this is done before a speech, meeting or negotiation to make it more successful. Therefore, before trying to control your feelings, you need to decide for what purpose you need to do this: negotiation, personal. Then select methods to manage emotions.
How to control your emotions
You should be prepared for the fact that you won’t be able to completely control your psychological state right away, because the habit of acting thoughtlessly and expressing your opinion has been formed for many years. Now you need to develop a new skill: monitor the severity of your reactions.
You should not assume that learning to manage emotions is possible only up to a certain age. A person must always improve himself; mastering such a skill relates to personal growth. How quickly an individual masters this skill depends on his determination, the chosen methodology and the regularity of the exercises.
Hawaiian Ho'oponopono Method - But Not Quite
Yes, this technique is similar to the one described by Joe Vitale in the book “Life Without Limits”.
I specifically re-read the description of the Hawaiian method of Ho'oponopono and was convinced that my technique has a significant difference. Perhaps Joe Vitale himself did not really understand the Hawaiian technique, and conveyed it in a distorted form. Or perhaps it’s because his methodology is completely different and has different goals. But in his interpretation, there is no order in the utterance of the phrases “I’m very sorry,” “I thank you,” “I love you,” “forgive me.” In my case, the order in which these phrases are pronounced is important , since each of them is the key to the next emotional state, each of them precedes the next one. And when you pronounce, live through the next phrase, it is as if you are climbing the steps to higher states of your emotional tone.
Write your questions in the comments.
All the best.
Why do you need to control your emotions?
There are individuals who pride themselves on their emotionality. Creative people need a heightened perception of the world. In most cases, self-control of your feelings is the key to successful social interaction.
Development of intelligence - how you can improve your mental abilities
Why you need to master the art of controlling emotions:
- You need to make important decisions, guided by a “cold” mind and being in a calm psychological state. When a person is in a stressful situation, it becomes more difficult to find optimal solutions. Psychologists advise you to stop being nervous and start analyzing.
- Self-control of emotions helps improve the quality of social contacts. People will be happy to communicate more with those who know how to listen, empathize and not put their feelings above the feelings of others.
Important! Some people mistakenly believe that there is no need to deal with emotions when communicating with loved ones, because they should accept the person for who he is. This does not mean that the thoughtless display of emotions does not affect their psychological state. A person’s ability to manage feelings will show his care and respect for loved ones.
- This skill will be useful for women during pregnancy. The emotional state of the mother affects the development of the child. If a woman wants her pregnancy to proceed without complications, she needs to remove irritability and excessive emotionality. During this period, the lady becomes especially receptive; this skill will allow her to maintain a relationship with her man.
- Allows you to cope with stress faster. Self-control exercises teach you not to focus on negative manifestations. A person looks for ways to solve a problem, and does not engage in constant reflection and complaints to others.
- Possession of self-control has a beneficial effect on the mental state and functioning of the nervous system.
Important! The ability to manage emotions does not mean completely suppressing them. It teaches their selective manifestation and more practical application.
Showing anger
Controlling your psychological state has a beneficial effect on all areas of life. A person’s actions should not be guided by emotions; he must make the right decisions himself, analyzing the situation and taking into account the feelings of the people around him.
Self-control
Often, especially in stressful situations, we lose control over our own thoughts. Under the influence of strong emotions, we experience experiences that leave a strong imprint on our consciousness. Today, it is perhaps impossible to completely avoid stress, but what we do with its consequences is our own choice. The basis of stress resistance is primarily emotional intelligence. It is expressed in the ability to read one’s own feelings, understand the nature of their origin and manage them. With low emotional intelligence, we simply give in to the situation and allow stress to build up in our body. As a result, we mentally return to the traumatic situation, intensifying our experiences and increasing our anxiety. This leads to intrapersonal conflict, which literally destroys our psyche and body. When new stress arises, we become even less stable, problems with sleep and nutrition appear, and diseases may even develop. This is due to a pathogenic type of thinking - when we repeatedly replay negative events in our heads, harbor resentment, and think through a plan for revenge. Gradually, this turns into a habit, which is difficult to get rid of, because we find ourselves in a vicious circle: we think negatively and begin to suffer from this, as a result we again think that everything is bad - and provoke deterioration.
Useful habits that you need to develop consciously will help you avoid falling into such a trap. As soon as you notice this behavior, analyze why it is happening. Reflection is a powerful psychological tool that can help you get to the root of a problem. Perhaps self-doubt makes you replay awkward situations in your head over and over again, and the manifestation of even the slightest symptoms causes fear of a serious illness. In each specific case, you should eradicate the cause of apathy through action - develop confidence, visit a doctor, carry out prevention. Control your thoughts and don't let your emotions take over. The opposite of pathogenic thinking is sanogenic behavior, when reason takes precedence over feelings.
Ways to control your condition
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Psychologists have developed algorithms for self-regulation of one’s condition. One of the popular ones is the system created by Dale Carnegie. The exercises he suggested are easy to do every day and are applicable in different situations. How to control your emotions:
- You need to live one day at a time. Constantly expecting negative consequences, “winding up” yourself - all this has a destructive effect on the nervous system. You can’t live by constantly thinking about the past and future; you should focus on solving pressing problems.
- Focusing on positive phenomena. It is human nature to return more to the negative aspects. This is wrong - it is necessary to strive for positive memories and attitudes to occupy a larger part. This will help you look at the problem from a different angle.
- One of the important methods of psychocorrection is developing the ability to react correctly to failure. A person should prepare himself for the most unfavorable outcome, so that it does not come as a surprise, and choose ways to solve it.
- You need to learn to accept what a person cannot change. This will save you stress, leaving you time and resources to deal with things that you can influence.
- Psychologists advise making a rating of tasks for the day, especially if most of them need to be completed in one day. They start with the most important things, gradually moving on to solving other problems. This method allows you to effectively cope with a large number of cases.
- Dale Carnegie taught his clients the importance of shifting from problems to other activities. When a person is depressed, psychologists recommend focusing on work or finding someone who needs help and surrounding them with care.
- Negative emotions are destructive, leading to conflict and complications in relationships, especially resentment towards others. It will be more productive and better for your psychological state to distance yourself from unpleasant people and, if possible, avoid communicating with them.
- Most people do good deeds in order to receive recognition. This setting is incorrect. You need to do good deeds without expecting anything in return except joy from the process itself. This will relieve the feeling of disappointment that sometimes arises when the response does not meet expectations. After all, a person received his reward after experiencing a feeling of joy.
- An important lesson is to be able to find positive moments even in negative episodes of life. Having found them, a person can use them for his own benefit.
- You need to share your emotions and feelings with your loved ones.
To effectively master this technique, it is recommended that you re-read these tips so that they remain in your memory. It is worth paying attention to the analysis of life situations in which one of the above methods of self-regulation of emotional state could be applied.
Choosing methods for self-control of emotions
Learning self-control requires constant practice. Having mastered all the practical techniques, a person will use them easily and naturally. Some companies organize special trainings.
Develop self-confidence
How to learn to turn off emotions? Train self-confidence. A person who considers himself an excellent specialist and a wonderful person will be less irritable and more objective. A self-confident person will be cool-headed. Look at any famous businessman. Its very appearance inspires calm and tranquility. A person feels a similar state within himself. A person can suppress his emotions by withdrawing from them. High self-esteem does not allow the brain to break through the psychological defenses, and it does not panic every time it hears not very pleasant things about itself or about loved ones. A person who can independently judge certain circumstances and not listen to gossip will go very far.
Why can people deliberately spoil the mood of others? Energy vampires feed on the emotions of weak-willed people. How do vampires turn off emotions? They piss you off and boost their self-esteem at your expense. Don't let anyone do this.
Holding Emotions
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The ability to keep feelings under control is a real art, because unexpressed reactions can cause psychosomatic diseases. It is important to find a balance between expressing emotions and controlling them. If you constantly suppress your feelings and do not express your opinion, a person may become dissatisfied, and others will not know about his psychological state.
Finding a balance between expressing and controlling emotions
When expressing emotions, you need to respect the boundary so as not to go beyond the boundaries and not create a conflict situation. Therefore, it is important to learn how to control attacks of anger and other negative reactions. It is necessary to express your opinion tactfully, without hurting the feelings of others. At the same time, you should speak firmly so that people respect the other point of view.
Take a rest
Rest is a great way to relieve emotions; it is especially good at combating irritability. The more tired you are, the more difficult it is for you to adequately respond to the world around you. This happens because your level of thinking drops to the lowest level. Many people understand that they need to rest more, but still underestimate it.
You can work hard for a long time, but then, due to fatigue, make a bunch of mistakes, which will negate all your work and efforts. The best rest for the brain is sleep; it also reboots the entire body. You should improve your sleep, because people who get good sleep are less irritable than those who don't get enough sleep.
What does psychology say?
Psychologists advise not to hold back your emotions, but not to throw them out on others. There are other ways to learn to control and restrain your emotions that are productive:
- projecting feelings onto a piece of paper;
- use of anti-stress coloring books;
- a good way to relieve stress is to play sports or work associated with physical activity;
- watching your favorite movie or reading a book;
- relaxation accompanied by suitable music or an audiobook.
Psychologists advise finding a hobby so that a person has something to do that brings him pleasure. Experts recommend sharing your experiences with loved ones (wife, husband, parents, friends), who can provide not only moral support, but also give practical advice.
We're going to be a plus
After a reliable feeling of a neutral state, it would be good to get into the black. To do this, feel what you can be grateful for in life right now. This is at least the opportunity to walk, hear, sleep on a bed with clean linen. For those who try, but do not feel gratitude, the advice is to try to imagine themselves without it.
For those who are especially inquisitive, who want to feel it in such a way that it “gets through”, there is an effective recommendation. You need to tie your hands behind your back and try to live a normal life like this for at least an hour. The understanding that there is value and for which life can be grateful with feeling will quickly appear, I assure you.
The meaning of a person's emotional state
Certain responses can serve as an incentive for people to take action. Your emotional state affects relationships with others, so for successful socialization you need to be able to subtly sense the mood of your interlocutor.
Communication with a psychologist
Strong manifestations of feelings inspire creative people to create their masterpieces. A person becomes more receptive to the world around him. Therefore, it is impossible to completely suppress feelings and not express your thoughts.
Controlling emotions is not only the key to successful communication. A person learns to monitor his facial expressions, gestures, behavior, begins to better understand the inner world of others and create a favorable environment. Self-correction teaches you to concentrate on solving important problems and pleasant emotions. Managing your thoughts, experiences and other manifestations of feelings is one of the sections of mental hygiene.
read books
If you love to read, then you know that feeling when you are so engrossed in a book that you forget about everything that is happening around you. Reading an interesting, fascinating book can make you feel like a truly happy person. You will receive a whole range of emotions and impressions.
Reading good literature helps fight negative attitudes, bad mood and even depression. The more you read, the more interesting and wider your inner world will become. You will increase your level of intelligence, which will help you find a way out of any situation. Also, while reading, you can achieve a state of very deep relaxation.
Definition of self-regulation
In a broad sense, mental self-regulation is considered as one of the levels of regulation of the activity of living systems, which is characterized by the use of mental means of reflecting and modeling reality.
Thus, mental self-regulation includes control of the behavior or activity of the subject and self-regulation of his current state. There are also narrower interpretations of this phenomenon:
- “Mental self-regulation is the influence of a person on himself with the help of words and corresponding mental images”
- “By mental self-regulation we understand mental self-influence for the purposeful regulation of the comprehensive activities of the body, its processes, reactions and states”
According to V.I. Morosanova, self-regulation is understood as “integrative mental phenomena, processes and states” that ensure “self-organization of various types of mental activity” of a person, “integrity of individuality and the formation of human existence.”
What all definitions have in common is the identification of the human condition as an object of influence and the focus on the use of internal means of regulation, primarily methods of psychological self-influence.
Resources for work
At the end of the master class, the presenters asked the audience: what practices do you use to change your attitude towards problematic situations? What thoughts and attitudes help you maintain your internal balance throughout the day and work week?
Here are some answers. • Phrase: “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” •Attitude: “I will solve problems as they arise. I am solving pressing issues right now. Those questions that can be postponed, I postpone them.” •Approach: “The main thing is to get involved! Let’s get started, and then we’ll figure it out!”
The practice of transformation. Meditation.
How to learn to control your emotions through meditation? Transformation is best carried out in the form.
Let's try.
Purpose of Meditation
Feel the emotion as energy, as created from it, and direct your attention to it
We don't think about how to transform energy or sublimate it when it comes to sexuality.
We simply reduce our attention to emotions as energy. And that's it
Transformation happens on its own.
Let's try to use the energy of fear for meditation. Although, of course, you can try to remember those moments in life when you were very happy about something. Choose any emotion you want.
Remember, it's just energy. She has no characteristics, neither good nor bad.
I will now try to describe the process of meditation, you will understand how it is done and will be able to practice it without any problems.
Meditation.
Sit in a meditation pose. It should be convenient and comfortable.
Draw in your mind a certain story that probably happened in your life when you experienced severe fear. Maybe some event awaits you in the future that you are very afraid of. Immerse yourself in this situation, immerse yourself in it. Create in your thoughts something that you are very afraid of.
Next, try to plunge into this place as deeply as possible.
To do this, pay attention to your clothes, shoes, and their color. Notice if there is anyone else with you in the story, or if you are alone
Maybe you hear something there.
Now direct your attention to the feeling of fear and dive even deeper into the plot of your fantasy. Try to concentrate on the fear and let it take over you.
Become aware of it.
At the moment when fear is felt very clearly and strongly, discard all details and memories. Throw away everything except the emotion of fear itself. Try to feel where exactly, in what place of your body it is located
Find it and direct all your attention there
If you notice that you are distracted, then simply calmly return to the fear again, to the place where it is located. Feel it as energy, simply as energy that has gathered in this place. Don't do anything, just watch her, let her change, move, do whatever she wants. Just watch this energy.
Don't be afraid of it, don't try to drive it out, don't resist it, don't hold it back
It is very important
Just be an observer. Observe the energy, where it goes, how its intensity changes
All attention is on energy. Continue meditating on this energy for at least 10 minutes
When you decide to stop, then gradually, slowly become aware of yourself, your body, your breathing, inhaling, exhaling
Slowly bring your attention to your breathing. Take a few slow breaths in and out and open your eyes.
How to learn to control your emotions - focus on energy.
By perceiving emotion as energy, we learn to transform it. You will be able to feel this after practice, when fear for you becomes just energy inside the body, nothing more. If you conduct such meditations regularly, then over time you will learn to quite easily switch from the emotion itself to its energy.
This helps a lot, for example in moments of anger
Sometimes it is very important not to lose your temper and not say unnecessary things to a person
And here, if you can switch your attention to the energy itself, then the emotion will cease to control you, because it will cease to be it for you. It will become just energy, neither bad nor good, but simply as it is
And after some time of your attention on it, the energy is transformed, sublimated into your internal energy.
- Firstly
, deal with the emotion, stand away from it, it no longer controls you. - Secondly
, it makes you stronger; you, as it were, take this energy for yourself, transforming it.
Fear is scary as long as it is “fear”, as long as it is called that. Once you remove that screen from it and see it as energy, it ceases to be “fear” and transforms into something completely different.
With regular practice, it will be easier to control your emotions. This can be done not only during meditation, but also in everyday life, when you catch the moment when emotions turn on.
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