In any way they make it clear to other people that they feel bad, in most cases directly and openly expressing emotions.
However, the same cannot be said about men: the psychology of the stronger sex is completely different. At first glance, it seems that the guy is unlikely to hate his ex-partner after the breakup or feel any emotions at all. But in fact, this is a deceptive feeling - it’s just that men’s feelings and sensations are mostly seething inside, hidden from prying eyes.
Psychology of male feelings and experiences
When a relationship ends, no matter who leaves whom or what the reasons are, both partners suffer .
Hearts are broken because both the woman and the man are disappointed in the ending of their relationship, which suffered a crushing fiasco.
The main difference between men and women is how pain manifests itself and how a guy deals with it. There is also a difference in the phases of pain, which are different from a psychological point of view.
It is this difference that makes women think that men are completely indifferent to breaking up relationships. However, this is a misconception: just because pain is experienced differently does not mean it is worse or less valuable .
Men usually suffer silently, quietly, within themselves. They do not show their emotional state to the whole world, they try in every possible way to hide their feelings, even if their heart is broken into a thousand pieces.
Moreover, especially if young people, on their own initiative, decided to break up and leave, then the experience of a new way of life is very sensitive .
First of all, because without a soulmate, there is a fear of becoming lonely and unwanted again: there is no longer a delicious dinner after work, a massage at night or morning coffee in bed, and there is nothing to say about the sexual component of life.
Further, the experiences are quickly replaced by emotions with the realization that something very valuable and important has been lost.
Your reaction is normal
Photo by Vung Nguyen: Pexels
A woman faces:
- breakup of relationships,
- but most importantly, with the feeling of an unsaid and open question for her.
She is tormented by guesses, and the more thoughts she has, the darker they become.
If you find yourself in the same situation, our task is to help you understand the reasons for leaving without any explanation. This will allow you:
- don’t worry about guessing;
- let go of the situation and close the gestalt.
Feelings and emotions after divorce
Let's consider what feelings and emotions a man may experience after breaking up with a woman.
Inability to show suffering
The first person in front of whom a guy will not show weakness and suffering under any circumstances is, of course, his ex-girlfriend.
Men
“cannot” and do not want to show their weakness , especially immediately after a breakup.
Therefore, they will try in every possible way to prove that they do not care about what happened, that everything is fine with them, and life continues as if nothing happened.
This can be expressed through increased activity on social networks, ostentatious indifference , desire for new or frivolous relationships for one night.
At the same time, men try to open up to their friends. Despite the reluctance to show the range of emotions they have experienced, they try to transform feelings through the search for new experiences. These are extreme activities (to combat fears), excessive physical activity (to extinguish anger), flirting with unfamiliar girls (to increase self-esteem).
During this period, talking about feelings, pain and disappointment is not typical for guys . Basically, they prefer to silently weather the storm - from resentment to disappointment.
Search for pleasure
Another emotional reaction of men to a breakup is the search for entertainment, parties or meetings with friends. Consequently, women may think that a guy is not suffering after a breakup and is fine, since he wants to have fun with his buddies and engage in recreational activities, including flirting with strange girls.
However, this is only a temporary way to release emotions and forget about the breakup, and has nothing to do with real desires and needs. This is just a short escape and a temporary attempt to forget about your problems and disconnect from what is happening.
Focusing on oneself and other circumstances
This is another typical emotion for men after a love relationship ends.
The basic concept is that a guy who breaks up tries his best to avoid contact with what he feels inside , so he turns his attention “outside.”
The “external world” refers to all the physical sensations that men experience during active activities, such as, for example, playing sports, working hard and overtime, and wanderlust.
Entering into a new relationship, boredom
The fourth and final reaction is entering into new, most often short-term, alliances. They mainly perform a palliative or analgesic function. On the other hand, a guy who is upset and disillusioned with life wants to make the most of his return to a “single” image , awaken his seductive nature, and demonstrate masculine strength and authority.
Going through the early period after a breakup, a man begins to realize that he is still in the past and, in fact, is not yet ready for a new relationship. At this moment, feelings change - he begins to miss his former beloved more.
Angry at a woman
The first phase after a breakup with a woman for a man is shock. He tries in vain to understand what happened and why. At this moment, the guy asks himself the following questions: “I can’t believe this is the end, really?” or “Why did this happen to us?” Breaking up is a huge stressor, especially when the woman the guy loves no longer wants anything to do with him. It can literally cause nausea, loss of appetite, apathy, loss of concentration, etc.
But immediately after this comes denial and anger. As soon as the initial shock passes (and can last up to several days), the guy will begin to get angry at what happened , including at the participant in the process, even if the breakup was provoked by him. Then he may think: “She wanted it to be over between us. I definitely didn't lose her forever." At this stage, the guy can write to his ex-girlfriend, call to make complaints or prick her for wrongdoing.
In such a situation, he may blame his companion for some mistakes that, in his opinion, ruined the chances of a happy relationship.
Does he have any regrets?
Another version of anger is also possible - an attempt to renew the partnership , based on sincere regret about the separation.
A man tries to convince his ex to come back to him again and promises her that he will do everything to get another chance.
At this moment, the young man sincerely intends to make the woman happy and never let her down again.
However, failure of a woman to do this may result in the man becoming angry. If a woman strongly disagrees with the continuation of the relationship, and the guy feels that he can't do anything about it, he may be angry with himself or his partner. In such a situation, regret turns into powerlessness and disappointment , because the representative of the stronger sex understands that there is no turning back, and the relationship is finally over.
Suffering from separation from her beloved
In difficult cases, a man falls into a depressive phase, feels depressed and sad.
He feels insignificant because he knows that all attempts to return to his ex have failed. Thinking that he is not worthy of the title of a real man because he has irretrievably lost love, the guy puts himself in the category of bachelors doomed to eternal loneliness. He seriously and sincerely regretted the breakup.
My heart is heavy
At this stage, sadness and suffering due to the end of the relationship can also be complicated by the fact that the young man has to explain to family and friends that his tandem has broken up , he has lost his life partner and, therefore, has not succeeded as a man. The censure of relatives and the whispering of acquaintances, who, in a man’s opinion, consider him unserious due to his inability to start a serious relationship, cause a feeling of heaviness in his soul.
Inability to take care of yourself
If a woman does not take care of her appearance, then she ceases to be interesting to her chosen one. This is because she is not ready to invest in herself, perhaps she spares money on purchasing attractive things and cosmetics. Inability to take care of yourself is a serious mistake of a girl that scares off guys. If a representative of the fair sex does not value and respect herself, she should not expect approval from others. This is human psychology. Why do men leave pregnant women - they simply cease to attract interest. Of course, such a step cannot but be regarded as a betrayal, but nature can hardly be deceived.
Girls need to be able to take care of themselves, if only in order to keep the person they love.
Read also: Why was Rus' called Rus?
How to cope: advice from psychologists
First of all, you must be patient and go through all the stages of realizing the separation as a fait accompli in order to finally start living without the other person.
A favorable outcome also depends on the approach and willingness to start life as a clean slate , as well as on individual inner strength, which will allow you to stop thinking about the end of a love relationship as the end of the world.
- Stop looking at the past and try to start building reality from scratch, as if you were just born and have not yet lived: enjoy the good weather, which is favorable for a walk and a sudden working day in a schedule that will allow you to forget about loneliness.
- Get busy. Exercise releases endorphins, hormones produced by the brain that make the body feel excited and happy. Mental activity completely occupies the head. This makes it possible to reduce pain, speed up the “wound healing” stage and clear the mind.
- Don’t blame yourself and your companion for how the circumstances turned out: what happened happened. It is not known whether there are more or less suitable ways to end a relationship, and there are certainly no ideal people. Do not judge the person with whom you were in a partnership, but try to evaluate your reactions from the outside, as if it was not you who broke up, but, for example, your good friend.
- Analyze the nature and motivation of the emotions that continue to bubble within you. This can only mean two things: either you still deep down want to get back what you lost, or you are trying to forget about it, but you can’t. Try to think carefully about how you feel - not for the sake of self-flagellation or masochism, but for the sake of working on mistakes that will help build happy relationships in the future.
- After your relationship is over, it's best to focus on yourself and think about how you want to build your life. Change your position or job, discover new hobbies and talents, lead an active lifestyle.
- Take your love out on other people. This does not have to be a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Pay attention to parents, siblings, nephews or other relatives. Perhaps they have needed your help for a long time, and you simply did not notice it.
First year of marriage
When people are just starting to build a common life, conflicts happen quite often. This is because they need to get used to each other’s presence and rebuild their normal lives. This explains why men leave women. People begin to feel that they will not succeed and, therefore, have no future.
In fact, the first year of marriage involves certain difficulties. Often at this time conflicts arise that will never occur later. Naturally, people need to get to know each other better, set personal boundaries, understand and accept the behavior of their other half.
It's actually quite difficult. It is necessary to show wisdom and patience, but only when the situation is really worth it. You can’t get a divorce just by giving in to a momentary desire. Otherwise, you may very soon regret your decision.
How can a girl understand what her ex-boyfriend is going through?
The main thing to understand is not to think that the guy doesn’t feel offended because your relationship ended, even if he proves otherwise through his actions.
Yes, men are different from women, but in general, each of us, regardless of gender, expresses our feelings differently.
Signs in favor of men's suffering after breakups include deletion from friends on social networks, reluctance to meet, and, during a spontaneous meeting, refusal to make eye contact . Indifference can also be recognized by the reverse reaction - provoking people into meetings, too frequent messages and calls, imposing one’s persona and discussing with mutual friends the circumstances of the broken union.
love addiction
Women often prefer to deceive themselves. They do this unconsciously, guided by the natural need to be happy. Every representative of the fair sex wants to feel happy and loved. However, if there is an unworthy partner nearby, this is hardly possible. The heroine of the Brazilian TV series “Castles in the Air,” dance teacher Janetti, once utters the following phrase: “Fool me, I like it that way.” These words characterize the approach of many women in love: they are ready to sacrifice themselves, endure significant inconveniences, just to have a ghostly hope of happiness, to feel loved. A woman has a maternal instinct. Often she transfers it to the guy who is next to her. Love addiction often forces you to infringe on your interests and adapt to your partner in everything. Such women are well aware that they are being deceived, but do not want to admit it.
The reason for this is a lack of self-love, an inability to value one’s personality. Many people ask: why, when a woman leaves a man, does he change? It's simple: seeing in front of him a person who loves and values himself, the guy also begins to treat his partner with due respect. All ladies who suffer from unfair treatment should take this pattern into account.
When should you not communicate with your ex-man?
No connection goes unnoticed. Even if you are now happy with your new partner, memories of your ex-boyfriend may involuntarily creep into your head. In this case, it is tempting to think about the possibility of seeing him or even communicating. But think about what this behavior will give you? And how will this affect your current relationship?
Try to listen to your mind. You will see that there is practically no chance of renewing that relationship. Now you have new, real and so fragile feelings. Hold on to them and don't let fleeting memories from the past become a threat.
General recommendations:
- Figure out whether you are truly in love with your ex-boyfriend and whether he is worth any action on your part. Think about the reasons for the separation and answer yourself whether you are confident that this will not happen again.
- If the behavior becomes unreasonable (you have lost your head and are ready to endure again all the bad things that your ex-man did), try to pull yourself together and look at the situation from the outside.
- Take a closer look at the men who surround you. Think about which of them you could give a chance? Do you see yourself in a happy relationship that brings joy and smiles? Once you open up to the world, you'll be amazed at how much you've missed out on because you've been fixated on one person.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
