How does a man cope with a breakup with his lover?

• What stages does a man go through?
• Actions and deeds of men
• How to get through a difficult period?
• How to finally let go of your mistress?

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It is generally accepted that men endure breakups with their beloved women more easily than the opposite sex. However, it seems so only because the stronger sex does not show its feelings. In fact, men sometimes experience breakups much stronger and deeper, even when it comes to their mistresses. What a man experiences will be considered by the men's site masculino.ru.

How does a man feel if his relationship with his mistress breaks up? The logical answer here would be “Nothing”, but this is not true. If we are not talking about a one-time betrayal with a specific woman, but about a long love affair that lasted for months and even years, then parting does not go away without feelings. Although men say that they cheat not with their emotions, but with their bodies, sooner or later they develop feelings for those with whom they cheat.

If sex happens once, then cheating is truly physical. However, if a man cheats on his wife with the same mistress, their relationship develops, is built, and a certain stability is observed, then this can no longer be only physical infidelity. A man has feelings for his mistress, despite the fact that he does not intend to divorce his wife and marry her.

What a man feels for his mistress is individual in each case. There are even men who fall in love with their mistresses. A small part of them even leaves their families and goes to their mistresses. However, this is rare. Often, sooner or later, love relationships between lovers fall apart because someone gets tired of them, the woman finds her future husband, falls in love, or simply quarrels with her lover who does not want to marry her.

Separation between lovers is inevitable, unless the man decides to leave his wife for his mistress. Even the man who did not intend to fall in love with anyone gets used to the woman with whom he constantly sleeps. Yes, she is a mistress, and he remembers it. However, it is impossible not to feel anything for a person with whom you have been dating and sleeping for a long time.

It turns out that men also cheat with emotions, even if it all started just at the level of their bodies. Why is he so worried after breaking up with his mistress, if he can return to his wife and even soon have a new mistress? It turns out that even if he has a wife, a man cannot be indifferent to breaking off relations with his mistress. He may not show it, but this does not mean that he is not worried inside himself. Perhaps he even has a desire to return his mistress. But if the breakup is final, then the man worries for some time. How would this happen?

What stages does a man go through?

Psychologists do not share whether a man is worried about a breakup with his beloved woman, wife, or because of a separation from his mistress. Any break in a relationship falls into the category of loss of something valuable. Therefore, here the man goes through certain stages of loss, some of which the wife may notice. The only difference here is the speed of passage through these stages, which depends only on how strong and deep the lover’s feelings for his mistress were:

1. The first stage is called denial. At this stage, a person cannot believe what happened. He still hopes that his beloved will come back, he continues to make plans for spending time together, sometimes his hand reaches out to call his mistress. A man does not accept reality because he was not ready for it or does not want to accept it.
2. The second stage is called anger. At this stage, a person experiences hatred, anger, dissatisfaction towards the one he lost. A man can be angry both openly and within himself, unnoticed by others. But still, a man cannot completely extinguish these feelings within himself. His anger can spill out on his wife, children, and work colleagues who irritate him with every little thing. Even a mistress, because of whom a man is angry, can suffer in some way. For example, a man can call her to say a bunch of nasty things, or meet her at the entrance to stir up old feelings.

Often at this stage, a man blames either himself, or his mistress, or even his wife, especially if she caused the breakup of the lovers’ relationship. By the way, if it was the wife who separated the lovers, then at this stage the man becomes so aggressive that he ceases to be afraid of anything. He runs to his mistress to return her and unite, without fear that his wife will find out about this and might leave him.

If a man does not return his mistress, and the wife was not the reason for the breakup of the love union, then some tension will still be felt in the marriage. A man may accidentally snap at his wife, who may wonder what dictates his behavior.

1. The third stage is called bargaining. Here the man is trying to come to an agreement with himself: how long will he still love his mistress, how much time will he give her to return, what concessions is he willing to make if his mistress starts returning, etc. It is at this stage that a man can break loose and go to his mistress to bargain with her. He doesn’t seem to be trying to bring her back, but he shows up on her doorstep to tell her what she’s lost and what will happen if she doesn’t return to him. He will tell her how much time he gives her to come to her senses.

In this way, the psyche tries to calm itself down and distance itself from negative emotions that a man cannot otherwise eliminate.

1. The fourth stage is called depression. At this stage, the man finally accepts reality. He realizes that nothing can be returned. From the realization of loss, a person falls into apathy, depression, nothing interests him.
2. The fifth stage is the final one – a new life. Here the man realizes that he is wasting time on unreasonable worries and thinking about what cannot be returned. He has a desire to start a new life, he pulls himself together and, as often happens, looks for a new mistress.

What to do if there are children in the family?

You only have two options. You can continue to be willingly harassed and accept that you and the marriage are simply convenient for your husband, or you can stand up for yourself, refuse the harassment, and end the marriage. Neither option is painless, but if the future depends on it, why not try?

If you have children, think very carefully about whether you want to continue forcing them to tolerate this type of parenting behavior. Divorce can be difficult for children, but not so difficult that it is unsurvivable. It is a misconception that children need both parents, regardless of whether the family is prosperous or not. Do not deceive yourself if your husband insults you with his infidelities.

This is insulting to you and your children. If you decide to stay together for the sake of the children, there is a chance that they themselves will grow up to become cheaters, humiliate their partners and will not be able to build healthy family relationships. The result will be a vicious circle. Before dooming your children to such a life, think seriously about the state of affairs.

Actions and deeds of men

Men experience breakups differently not only with the women they love, but also with their mistresses, for whom it is also impossible not to feel any emotions, especially if the relationship lasted a certain time. A man may be perplexed, depressed or aggressive if the breakup did not occur on his initiative, which most often happens. Either his mistress left him on his own initiative, or he was forced to break up with her if his wife insisted on it, from whom he is afraid to divorce. In any case, the breakup will not go smoothly for a man who can go to great lengths:

• Going on a binge. If a man has not drank before, then drinking alcoholic beverages until he can calm down can turn into addiction.
• Going to the gym. There the man is trying to get rid of all the anger that he has accumulated due to his disagreement with what happened.
• Race. A man gets behind the wheel of a car and accelerates to high speed to rush along the highway and enjoy the ride. Such trips rarely end in accidents, but there is still a risk, which forces a man to drive a vehicle.
• Physical exercise. A man finds activities that require his physical strength. In this way he throws off aggression, and also brings himself to the point of exhaustion, so that at one moment he falls and falls asleep.

Men of a dependent nature experience the breakdown of relationships the hardest. Such people simply do not love themselves, so they cling to all the women with whom they have been able to establish connections. Here, as they say, every woman is registered. If there is a breakup even with a lady who is not his beloved, the man still takes it hard.

You need the help of a psychotherapist who will help you realize that a man does not love the woman he broke up with, but confuses his feelings with love.

The most painless cases of separation are those when the man himself or is ready to break off the relationship. So, a man can much more easily endure a breakup that occurs by mutual desire. As they say, he is happy and she doesn’t mind. Everyone is happy if the desire to separate appears at the same time in both partners.

If a man himself decided to break off relations with his mistress, then he will not have to worry at all here. Often, such men introduce their mistresses to other gentlemen, to whom they can switch their attention, thereby saving the men themselves from the painful breakup of relationships and the pursuit of them, threats and insults. If the mistress finds another interesting man, then she will not suffer because of the breakup with her lover.

It is good if, during the period of separation from his mistress, a man can return home to his wife, who trusts him if she does not know about the betrayal, or forgives him if she knows about his adventures. It will be easier for a man to get through the breakup if at least one of the women remains nearby with whom he can warm up and then move on again.

Classification of breakups with a woman in terms of root causes

If the knight, without fear or reproach, has long been looking for any reason to “throw away” the romance that is pretty boring to him, he does not feel any remorse after parting; on the contrary, he is happy and serene.

You and I are not interested in studying the behavior of such a person; we would rather rejoice together that we got rid of this unsuccessful partnership option. Are you hurt? The wound will heal, don’t worry, and also read our advice, of which there is a lot in the magazine for this case.

A completely different “calico” for the breadwinner and “lady hunter” when they threw him into the “dump of stories of love relationships”, and even preferred another owner of women’s hearts, clearly superior in merit.

In this case, a normal man does not show pain and emotions, but hides them in the most hidden corners of his soul. Most often he worries sincerely, in severe versions he falls into a long depression, reaching for a glass, a cigarette, or worse, memory-erasing drugs. He strives for loneliness, “wedge wedge”, as representatives of the fairer sex often do, does not knock him out, cries on the shoulders of friends and relatives in the rarest moments when he is at his worst.

What are the circumstances? Please, we have collected them into a single list and their number is small:

• “old, proven in a lot of collisions, reliable in family battles for survival,” his wife pointed to the door after betrayal, and he very soon realized how cruelly mistaken he was, carried away by the charms of a “foreign” charmer, the road home was tightly closed, compromises were unlikely, the children took sides mothers and ignore him on all counts;

How do men cope with breakups?

• the mistress found a thicker wallet, a more accommodating sponsor, a gentle friend, more skilled in the art of bed, the male “I” was thrown into the dust, self-esteem was trampled, ambitions were at zero;
• a young friend fell out of love, having become carried away by a certain “bright male sun” with a creative streak, the soul of a sentimental poet, who loves to “throw” sensual compliments, but is little materially adapted to real life, or on her way she met a brutal athlete-athlete who overshadowed his as if sculpted from granite figure, all ideas about the physical attractiveness of a representative of the stronger sex;
• a man got rid of a female friend with modest external characteristics, with whom he was used to sharing everything that life brings, went in search of a “diva”, a model, a stunning beauty, and having won her, he realized that he had run into a “dummy”, a “shiny wrapper” without spiritual content”, “a silly girl and a doll without moral principles and ideas”, he should have made a “throw back”, but there is icy indifference, a sandy desert with snowstorms, a caustic, insurmountable resentment in response to his betrayal.

No, we, of course, do not undertake to claim that all possible options were indicated in the list of reasons for breakups. Life is such a thing, scarier and more interesting than any fiction. And yet, the background of a “divorce” from a woman more or less fits within the given framework, and it’s time for us to talk about the fact that the male sex, according to the “colors and shades” of their experiences after a breakup, is also divided into “psychological personalities-psychotypes”. We will now dwell in more detail on their highlights and features.

How to get through a difficult period?

If a man is worried about a breakup with his mistress, then he is given recommendations on how to get through a difficult period:

1. Set a goal - to start a new life and forget about the past. At the same time, do everything to achieve this goal.
2. Delete all contacts of your mistress so as not to be able to write or call her. It's better not to go to her house. In general, protect yourself from returning to the past.
3. Think about your wife, who is no better than you. If she knows about your cheating, then it's time to restore your relationship with her. She is definitely the worst in this situation. If your wife doesn’t know about your affair, then you can just be with her, which will help you forget about your mistress.
4. Enjoy the breakup. Sooner or later this had to happen. It’s good if the breakup occurred before the wife found out about everything. And if your wife knows everything, then rejoice, because this will allow you to argue your love for her, which will contribute to the restoration of your union.
5. Enjoy your freedom. After all, now you don’t have to be torn between women and deceive them.
6. When you leave, leave. There is no need to return to what goes away.
7. Rest. You can go on vacation or travel with your wife and children to take your mind off bad thoughts.

Should you get a divorce?

Since you obviously agree with your husband's demands at this time, there are several possibilities why you would do this. Most likely, this is not the first or tenth time that a man lays down the laws and you agree to his wishes. Think about how long you are willing to tolerate such an attitude? If a conversation with your spouse does not lead to anything, he is not going to change anything in his life, isn’t it time for you to decide to make these changes? Don’t try to maintain the apparent illusion of family happiness, which is not good for anyone.