Reasonable egoism - what is the theory of reasonable egoism?

The concept of reasonable egoism does not fit well into ideas about public morality. For a long time it was believed that a person should put the interests of society above personal ones. Those who did not fit into these conditions were declared selfish and subjected to general censure. Psychology claims that a reasonable amount of selfishness should be present in everyone.

Ethics of duty and the categorical imperative. Kant.

Debt cannot be derived from personal experience, since the empirical subject is always selfish. Debt cannot be determined by collective experience, since a community of people always experiences a clash of opposing interests. Therefore, Kant considers the morally obligatory as an a priori property of human consciousness, as autonomous and not conditioned by anything. According to Kant, there is a certain moral law that has the self-evident property of imperativeness, i.e. obligatory for any person. Kant distinguishes two types of imperatives: hypothetical, i.e. requirements conditioned by some external considerations (goal, interest, usefulness) and categorical, which prescribe proper behavior regardless of any conditions. The former have nothing to do with morality; only categorical imperatives express what is due as such, an unchangeable and universal moral law. The first formulation of the categorical imperative reads: “Act only in accordance with such a maxim, guided by which you can at the same time will that it become a universal law.” The second formulation: “Act in such a way that you always treat humanity, both in your own person and in the person of everyone else, as an end, and never treat it as a means. Thus, if a person’s duty is to recognize, apply moral standards to the specific situation in which he finds himself, and practically implement them, then the question is to what extent this task is fulfilled or to what extent a person is guilty of not fulfilling it is a question of personal responsibility. Consequently, responsibility is the correspondence of an individual’s moral activity to his duty, considered from the point of view of the individual’s capabilities.

The concept of the categorical imperative

“...don’t do to people what you don’t want for yourself, and then the state and family won’t feel hostile towards you.”

Categorical imperative (from Latin imperativus - imperative), a term introduced by I. Kant and denoting the fundamental law, or rule, of his ethics. It has two formulations: “... act only in accordance with such a maxim, guided by which you at the same time can wish for it to become a universal law” (Kant I., Soch., vol. 4, part 1, M., 1965, p. 260) and “...act in such a way that you always treat humanity, both in your own person and in the person of everyone else, as an end and never treat it only as a means” (ibid., p. 270). The first formulation expresses the formal understanding of ethics characteristic of Kant, the second limits this formalism. According to Kant, the categorical imperative is a universal, generally binding principle that should guide all people, regardless of their origin, position, etc.

In these sentences, four types of logical objects mentioned in the judgment can be distinguished. This

- the subject himself;

- its maxims, foundations, rules;

- his actions, judgments;

- universal norms of behavior, laws.

Accordingly, in order to analyze these sentences, we need first of all to establish the exact meaning of all these terms, and first of all to clarify the concepts of law and maxim.

Morality, according to Kant, is the sphere of human freedom, whose will here is autonomous and determined by himself. To give this will a morally positive meaning, it is necessary to coordinate it with the highest moral law - the categorical imperative, since only good will is capable of making the right choice. The most famous formulation of the categorical imperative looks like this: “Do only! according to such a maxim, guided by which, you can at the same time wish that it should become a universal law.” The universality of moral requirements recorded in this case is undoubtedly a specific characteristic of morality, but it is very problematic as a criterion for distinguishing between good and evil in real life practice, since any subjective choice is possible if desired. presented as a general norm.

SELFISHNESS

Egoism (ancient Greek Εγώ, lat. ego - “I”) is behavior entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his own interests above the interests of others.

Calvin and Luther pointed out the crime of selfish self-love, despite the fact that there is nothing in a person that one could be proud of. This view has had a significant impact on the formation of attitudes in Western culture towards the pursuit of one's own happiness, which should not be the main goal. I. Kant considered the focus on one’s own well-being to be natural for human nature, therefore, not having, unlike love for others, “ethical value.” Nevertheless, according to Kant, a person should not give up personal happiness, since his well-being can be useful for fulfilling his social duty. According to Hobbes, egoism is an innate property of the individual, which can only be limited by the sovereign. Helvetius defended the individual's right to personal happiness. In his understanding, if, in pursuit of personal happiness, a person causes harm to others, then he becomes a source of evil. The one whose own interests are linked with the public interest does good. This consistency between the personal and the social is “rational egoism.”

Subsequently, Stirner, and even later Nietzsche, defended the individual’s right to happiness, while selfishness was represented as the opposite of love for others, altruism, considering the latter a manifestation of weakness. Modern psychologists consider this opposition to be incorrect. It is currently accepted that an altruistic mode of action may be based on selfish aspirations, perhaps not consciously realized by the person.

The highest good from the point of view of the egoist is the satisfaction of personal interests. The complete opposite of selfishness is altruism. The extreme degree of egoism is egocentrism. Selfishness easily manifests itself in situations that force a person to make a decision - to satisfy personal interests or act to the detriment of them, for the benefit of another person. Egoism should be distinguished from normal self-love, that is, a feeling of goodwill towards oneself and natural self-preservation.

Self-love includes possible concern not only for one’s own good, but also does not contradict the good of other people, combined with their desire, thus being the goal of the common good, in accordance with the motto: “the well-being of each depends on the unity of the whole.”

Often "selfishness" is called self-righteousness or conceit, in which the satisfaction of one's own needs can be satisfied at the expense of other people, thus representing a lifestyle akin to a parasitic one.

It is also necessary to separate egoism and individualism (Latin individum - individual, individual), that is, such a position or principle of a person that is a priority relative to the collective interest, and his personal good, freedom and development are the highest goal, for the achievement of which social groups and institutions as a means or condition for its achievement.

Throughout the spectrum of human relationships, selfishness can manifest itself in different ways:

1. Dictatorial egoism.

This type of egoism is expressed in the individual's deep conviction that everyone around him should serve his interests.

2. Selfishness of one’s own exclusivity and uniqueness.

This type takes as its basis the rule that says: “everyone around should follow moral standards and principles, except for my beloved, if this does not bring me any benefit.”

3. Anarchic egoism.

According to this view: “everyone has the right to pursue their own interests, in accordance with their moral principles,” that is, there are no rules.

Moreover, the first two types contradict the basic requirements of morality, in which, without any doubt, the principles of reciprocity and equality are violated. Treating yourself as the only value, and treating other people as a means of achieving your own goals, represents that extreme degree of egoism, called egocentrism, and is a common quality of manipulative people.

Concept and classification of egoism Self-identification, including thinking and behavior, which concentrates on obtaining benefits, benefits, positioning one’s interests above the needs of others is called egoism. The phenomenon is focused on the human “I”, on “oneself”.

For a long time, the opposite of this term was altruism - selfless concentration on others, “others”. In modern psychology, comparison, and even more so contrasting, egoism and altruism is incorrect. The phenomenon of egoism can be identified with individualism, which emphasizes the paramount importance of the individual, the predominance of individuality over collectivism.

In society, selfishness is assessed as a negative phenomenon. This term refers to a person who can only take, but does not give anything in return. Such people act in their own interests, ignoring the needs of society and others.

There are softer, neutral, objective interpretations. Selfishness is normal pride, preference of personal interests over the needs of other people.

In psychology, this term means value orientation, a system of qualitative characteristics of a person, at the center of which is the concept of the prevalence of personal interests over the demands of society, groups and other individuals.

Selfishness can be:

• irrational, when actions correspond to moment-to-moment interests, they are impulsive and short-sighted;
• rational when the consequences of one's actions are assessed.

Forms of egoism:

• Ethical. People should do what is in their best interest.
• Psychological . People are always motivated by their needs; this is the basis of all incentive actions.
• Rational. In personal interests, act rationally. The following types of egoism are distinguished:

Primitive - a position of obvious, open disregard for the interests of other people, complete focus on satisfying one’s own needs and aspirations. It is characteristic of individuals with underdeveloped intellect and psyche. Reasonable - a position in which the priority of one’s own interests over the demands of society or other individuals is ethically and philosophically justified and confirmed. The concept was put into circulation due to the general negative connotation of the classical definition. An egoist thinks only about himself and pursues personal interests everywhere and in everything, neglecting the needs of others. A reasonable egoist acts rationally, within the limits of generally accepted norms. He pursues his own interests, avoiding conflicts with the demands of society or other individuals. This interpretation justifies the value priorities of the modern world of capitalism, market relations and consumption. A person is, first of all, an individual, therefore he is characterized by selfishness, but it does not contradict generally accepted norms. Healthy is close in meaning to reasonable. This position allows you to pursue your interests while taking into account the needs of society and other people. Hedonism is a position that puts personal pleasure at the center of everything. All actions are subordinated to achieving this state. This is the meaning of life, the central, fundamental life value. Everything else is just a means to achieve pleasure. Sophisticated is a hidden form of achieving personal goals. A person achieves his goal under the guise of caring about other people. By actively solving social problems, such a person receives additional opportunities to pursue his interests. An egoist understands that in order to do well for himself, he must also take care of others. This type can easily be characterized by the formula: you give me - I give you.

According to the degree of influence on others, selfishness can be divided into 2 types:

• active;
• passive.

Active egoists interact with others to achieve their goals. They can easily perform altruistic or mutually beneficial actions to get what they want. Such people actively give in order to receive even greater benefits in the future.

Passive egoists do nothing for others; they are focused on themselves and do not hide it. It is difficult to find a common language with such people without making concessions.

Signs of selfishness:

• Ignoring the requests and comments of other people, even if they are justified.
• Touchiness.
• Calculation.
• In conversations, touching on topics related only to a selfish person.
• Love of compliments, tendency to self-praise.
• Painful perception of criticism and one's own guilt.
• Increased envy, painful perception of other people's successes, especially if it concerns a “close” area of ​​activity.
• Tendency to make value judgments - criticism, condemnation.
• Invasion of personal space, the zone of free choice of other people.

The purpose of egoism This character trait is inherent in a person as a natural part of his being. The mechanism of pursuing personal interests is due to a long period of evolution, when primary care of oneself was a prerequisite for survival. This is its main purpose.

All animals are selfish in matters of preserving life, obtaining food and reproducing. This is a means for the biological organism to satisfy basic life needs.

The degree of selfish manifestations decreases with the development of social (group) values. A parent sacrifices himself to save his child - a mechanism for the predominance of the task of procreation over other needs. Lionesses give part of their food to the lion, because protection from other predators and procreation depend on him.

The peculiarity of the individual’s interaction with the world is that the environment is seen from the central position of his “I”. People perceive everything subjectively, and this inevitably gives rise to selfish manifestations.

The meaning of the phenomenon under consideration in a complex and multifaceted society. It makes it possible to obtain the most favorable position, since the basis of social values ​​is the individual personality. Its interests are at the forefront of everything and prevail over group interests.

The role of selfishness in human life Selfishness is necessary for an individual to live a normal and fulfilling life. This feeling is common to everyone. The difference is that some people understand the presence of this phenomenon in themselves and know how to control and hide it. Others do not restrain themselves, and then selfishness manifests itself in full, with all its inherent negative traits.

It is normal for healthy people to take care of their well-being and protect their interests first, putting everything that does not concern them “in second place.” And this is selfishness.

It is important that egoism evolves with the development of personality. In childhood, a person is characterized by primitive egoism. Competent education allows you to internalize values ​​and translate it into a healthy form. With the accumulation of experience, the emergence of rational egoism occurs. The extreme form of wisdom borders on altruism, when the understanding is strengthened that everything in this world is interconnected, in order to get the most for yourself, you must first actively give.

Egoism and success Great importance is attached to the influence of egoism when considering the problem of achieving success. Achieving goals is inextricably linked with the degree of manifestation of excessive selfishness. This is partly true.

Focusing on your interests, focusing on your goals really contributes to success. But it all depends on the degree of egoism. Altruistic people also often achieve recognition because in the process of helping others, great opportunities open up for them.

Success is an exclusive product, it is individual and has its own characteristics in various fields of activity. To develop in business you need certain qualities, and to succeed in your personal life others. Selfishness influences the receipt of laurels, but is not a predominant factor.

Selfishness and generosity With a superficial perception of selfishness, it may seem that it is incompatible with the concept of “generosity”, i.e. a personality trait that allows you to support others and help them unselfishly.

It would seem that an egoist is looking for profit everywhere, and generosity is unacceptable to him. It is not that simple. You need to understand that selfish individuals are often masterful at hiding their nature. Such people may be generous, but this virtue is always embedded in a complex scheme, where the result will be a later receipt of benefits, the achievement of goals as a result.

Selfishness and greed A characteristic manifestation of a selfish person is greed. The predominance of one's own interests in life attitudes is often inextricably linked with the desire to get the best and in as large quantities as possible. Greed implies ignoring the interests of society and other people, which is closely intertwined with selfishness.

But this is also a relative manifestation. Many selfish individuals are not greedy. The life goals of such people are modest, but in achieving them the interests of others are still ignored.

Egoism and self-esteem The phenomenon in question is often confused with egocentrism. But these concepts have significant differences in nature. Egoism is a complex personality characteristic. Egocentrism is a way of thinking in which people in all situations put themselves at the center of the world and live in accordance with these ideas. Egocentrism is impossible without egoism, but the latter phenomenon is broader.

Selfish individuals tend to have a distorted attitude towards themselves. Such people have high or low self-esteem. A person exalts himself above other people or considers himself inferior.

Selfishness and selfishness The concepts of selfishness and selfishness should not be confused. Self-love or narcissism is a character trait that manifests itself in excessive love for oneself. It is accompanied by inflated self-esteem, which does not correspond to the actual state of affairs.

Habits of a Selfish Personality Selfishness is quite easy to recognize. Selfish individuals manifest themselves as follows:

Tendency to a parasitic lifestyle - achieving goals at the expense of a spouse, parents, colleagues. Lack of balance in many areas of life - routine, diet, entertainment and work, clothing, luxury items. Low motivation when performing socially useful activities and in the case of self-improvement. Gradual stagnation and degradation of thinking. Tendency to illusions, depression, apathy, addiction. The predominance of the material sphere over the spiritual. Problems with adequate assessment of actions from the point of view of morality and ethics.

Formation and weakening of egoism The mechanism of formation of a selfish system of views in an individual is a complex and lengthy process. Taking care of yourself, fear for your health and life is inherent in instincts and manifests itself from birth. As we grow older, our upbringing influences our degree of “self-focus.” The child copies the behavior and attitude to life of authorities (parents, grandparents, and later friends, significant adults).

There are a number of developmental factors in childhood that influence the degree of manifestations of selfishness:

The child is the only one in the family. The child is the darling of the family. The baby has an attractive appearance or some talents. Children who have been long awaited in the family, born “for themselves.” The youngest of the siblings in a family with several children. Indifferent attitude on the part of relatives. Sick child. Excessive care or excessive independence. The degree of egoism depends on the intellectual level. A literate and educated person who understands life is less inclined to manifest extreme forms of the phenomenon under consideration.

Failures and psychological trauma also have a significant impact on the formation of egoism. Lack of success and the negative attitude of people around us creates a disdainful attitude towards the interests of other people, leading to the understanding that you can help yourself only if you put yourself above others.

It is almost impossible to re-educate an adult egoist. A decrease in selfish aspirations often occurs as a result of tragedy or loss. These can be a variety of situations - the death of loved ones, bankruptcy, the loss of something important.

Altruism and egoism An altruist is a person who unselfishly helps others. According to some psychologists, this behavior is also based on selfishness. The assistance provided by altruists is a means that helps them follow their life ideology and have a “clear” conscience. For the assistance provided, they receive a reward, of course, not material. This form of selfishness is considered healthy.

Peculiarities of communication with egoists There are several lines of behavior with egoists. The choice depends on the form of the relationship with the egoist and the degree of manifestation of this phenomenon.

Complete ignoring, avoiding all communication. This behavior is typical in relation to pronounced and primitive personalities who are fixated on themselves. Reducing communication to friendly, superficial communication, but a person avoids closer interaction with an egoist through diplomatic techniques. A serious problem is building close relationships with an egoist. In this case, you will have to sacrifice your own interests, ideals, and goals. A selfish person will strive to take a leadership position in a couple. She can't do it any other way.

Pronounced egoists are unable to truly love or care for others. Feelings and attitudes in such cases are ostentatious, aimed at achieving one’s own interests (having a family, a ready-made dinner and a clean house, children, a prosperous life). In such relationships it is difficult to achieve trust, honesty and sincerity.

Family life is subordinated to the interests of the egoist (leader, head of the family).
In this case, the other half will often be deprived of his personal life, his own space, and individual interests. Facebook

Examples of reasonable egoism

In everyday life, the behavior of a “reasonable egoist” is not always welcomed, and he is often declared simply an egoist. In our society, refusing a request is considered indecent, and from childhood a feeling of guilt is formed in the one who allowed himself such “liberty.” However, a competent refusal can become a clear example of correct behavior, which will not be superfluous to learn. Here are just some examples of reasonable selfishness from life.

1. Additional work needs to be done
   . Your boss is insisting that you stay late today to complete work that you did not do and for which you will not be paid. You can agree, canceling plans and ruining relationships with loved ones, but if you use the principle of reasonable selfishness, overcoming the feeling of fear and awkwardness, calmly explain to your boss that there is no way to reschedule (cancel) your plans. In most cases, your explanations will be understood and accepted.
2. My wife needs money for another new dress.
   In some families, it has become a tradition that the spouse demands money to buy a new dress, although the closet is full of clothes. Objections are strictly not accepted. She begins to accuse her husband of stinginess, lack of love, sheds tears, in fact, blackmails her husband. You can give in, but will this only increase love and gratitude on her part?

It is better to explain to the wife that the money has been set aside to buy a new engine for the car in which her husband takes her to work every day, and not only the good performance of the car, but also the health and life of the passengers depends on this purchase. At the same time, you should not pay attention to tears, screams and threats to go to your mother. Reasonable egoism should prevail in this situation.

An old friend once again asks to borrow money

. He promises to return them in a week, although it is known that he will give them back no earlier than six months later. It is inconvenient to refuse, but in this way you can deprive your child of the promised trip to the children's center. What's more important? Don’t shame or “educate” your friend - it’s useless, but explain that you can’t leave your child without rest, especially since he’s been looking forward to this trip for a long time.

The given examples reveal two positions of the relationship that require thorough correction. Relations between people are still built on the superiority of the demanding or asking and the uncomfortable state of the one from whom they are asking. Although the theory has existed for more than two hundred years, reasonable egoism is still difficult to take root in society, which is why situations prevail:

• the one who needs something insists, demands, blackmails, shouts, accuses of greed;
• the one who is addressed makes excuses, explains, listens to unpleasant words addressed to him, and experiences a feeling of guilt.

Notes[edit]

1. Bayer (1990), p. 201; Gert (1998), p. 69; Shaver (2002), §3; Moseley (2006), §2.
2. ↑
   Shaver, Robert (2019), Zalta, Edward N. (ed.), "Egoism",
   Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
   (Spring 2021 edition), Metaphysics Research Laboratory, Stanford University, retrieved May 27, 2021.
3. Shaver, Robert (2019). "Egoism". In Zalta, Edward N. (ed.). Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
   (Spring 2021 edition). Metaphysical Research Laboratory, Stanford University.
4. ^ abc Scanlan, James P. (1999). "The case against rational egoism in Dostoevsky's underground notes". Journal of the History of Ideas
   .
   University of Pennsylvania Press. 60
   (3):549–567.
5. Moseley, Alexander (2006). "Egoism". In J. Fieser; B. Dowden (ed.). Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
   .
6. ↑
   St. John Murphy, Sasha (2016).
   "The debate about nihilism in Russian literature of the 1860s." Word
   .
   School of Slavic and East European Studies, University College London. 28
   (2): 48–68. DOI: 10.14324/111.0954-6839.045.
7. Andrzej Walicki; Hilda Andrews-Rusecka (1979). A History of Russian Thought: From Enlightenment to Marxism. Stanford University Press. item 196. ISBN. 978-0-8047-1132-6.
8. "SparkNotes: Notes from the Underground: Context". SparkNotes
   . Retrieved May 30, 2015.
9. Sidgwick (1907)
10. Sidgwick (1907), p. 1
11. Sidgwick (1907), p. 95
12. Sidgwick (1907), p. 508
13. Smith (2006); Moseley (2006), §2a.
14. ↑
    Ayn Rand, "Faith and Strength: Disruptors of the Modern World,"
    Philosophy: Who Needs It
    , 1982, New American Library, p. 74.
15. D. Parfit (1984), parts II and III

The principle of reasonable egoism in business communication

It is known that business communication is built on its own rules, dictated by personal or corporate benefit. It provides profitable solutions to issues that allow you to get the greatest profit and establish long-term relationships with the most useful business partners. Such communication has its own ethical standards and principles, which the business community has formulated and identified five main ones:

• positivity;
• reasonable selfishness;
• predictability of actions;
• status differences;
• relevance.

In accordance with the issue under consideration, the principle of reasonable egoism attracts attention. It implies a respectful attitude towards the partner and his opinion, while clearly formulating and defending one’s own (or corporate) interests

The same principle can apply in the workplace of any employee: do your job without stopping others from doing theirs.

Links and further reading[edit]

• Bayer, Kurt (1990). "Egoism" in a companion to ethics
  . Peter Singer (ed.), Blackwell: Oxford.
• Brink, D. 1992, “Sidgwick and the Justification of Rational Egoism,” in Essays on Henry Sidgwick, ed. B. Schultz, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
• Gauthier, David (1986). Morality by agreement
  . Oxford: Oxford University Press.
• Geert, Bernard (1998). Morality: Its Nature and Rationale
  . Oxford University Press.
• Kagan, S., 1986, “A Theory of Rationality Focused on the Present,” Ethics 96: 746–59. JSTOR 2381097
• McKenzie, Alexander J. (2003). "Evolutionary Game Theory". The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
  (Summer Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.). link
• Moseley, Alexander (2006). "Egoism." Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
  . J. Fieser and B. Dowden (eds.). link
• Mueller, D. (1989). Public Choice II
  . Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.
• Parfitt, D., 1984, Reasons and Men , Oxford: Oxford University Press.
• Parfit, D., 1986, Reply to Kagan, Ethics , 96: 843–46, 868–69.
• Paul, E. and F. Miller and J. Paul (1997). Personal benefit
  . Cambridge University Press
• Shaver, Robert (1998). Rational Egoism: A Selective and Critical History. Cambridge University Press.
• Shaver, Robert (2002). "Egoism." The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
  (Winter Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.). link
• Sigvik H. Methods of Ethics. London, 1874, 7th ed. 1907
• Smith, Tara (2006). The Normative Ethics of Ayn Rand. Cambridge University Press.
• Sober, E. and D. S. Wilson (1998). For Others: The Evolution and Psychology of Selfless Behavior
  . Harvard University Press.

The world is built on selfishness

There are hardly a dozen true altruists in the entire history of man. No, we in no way belittle the merits and merits of the many benefactors and heroes of our species, but, to be completely honest, altruistic actions also come from the desire to satisfy one’s ego. For example, a volunteer enjoys his work and increases his self-esteem (“I’m doing a good deed”). By helping a relative with money, you relieve your own concern for him, which is also partly a selfish motive. There is no need to deny this or try to change it, because it is not bad. Healthy egoism is inherent in every intelligent and developed person; it is the engine of progress. If you do not become a hostage to your desires and do not ignore the needs of others, this selfishness can be considered reasonable.

Who are egoists?

Before considering the question of whether selfishness is a bad or a good character trait, it is necessary to define who selfish people are. In the dictionary, the word egoism is interpreted as a character trait that forms a type of behavior in which a person aims to satisfy his own needs and wants and puts his own interests above the interests of others.

That is, egoists are people who live as they want and do what they want, without taking into account the desires of others. Egoism among the common people is often confused with egocentrism, but in fact these concepts are not identical.

Egocentrism is characterized by a person’s inability to perceive any opinion that diverges from his point of view. Based on this definition, we can conclude that egocentrism can be inherent in an egoist, but not always, because many people who put their interests above the needs of others can still listen to others, perceive their arguments, admit mistakes and change their point of view.

The complete opposite of selfishness is altruism - the willingness to perform selfless acts for the benefit of other people, without taking into account personal interests and desires.

Altruism and selfishness are, at first glance, complete opposites, but in fact, both of these character traits are inherent to almost all people to one degree or another, since in some situations even the kindest and most selfless can behave selfishly, and in some they are selfish capable of altruistic actions.

Why is it good to be selfish?

Our parents and teachers at school wanted to make many of us good girls and good boys. That is, you had to forget your desires and “forget” your feelings and emotions for the sake of other people. Therefore, we are often not ourselves, but what we have been molded into over the years - people convenient for others, who are ready to sacrifice themselves or who are too fixated on themselves to see others. But only taking care of yourself allows you to truly take care of others.

Every person influences his environment in one way or another. If he feels good, he is filled with positive energy, joy, harmony, then he wants to share it with those around him.

Psychologists are well acquainted with the “please others” attitude. This attitude, as a rule, is laid down in childhood and is supposed to lead to a positive life scenario. But most often it leads to the opposite results. The child hears from his parents: “Please us with good things,” “Never be rude to your grandmother,” “If you help people, they will answer you in kind.” He gets used to thinking about the needs of others, and not about his own. When a person is filled, he has a need to share and do good. Then he manages to make the life of his loved ones brighter and happier.

Is selfishness good or bad?

Nature has designed it in such a way that all living beings are primarily guided by instincts aimed at survival and the preservation of the species,
and this rule is no exception.
Both animals and people instinctively strive to fulfill their own needs and are ready to compete with representatives of their own and other species for the right to possess resources. Therefore, selfishness is an innate character trait of a person,
since it is precisely this that allows one to realize the needs associated with ensuring life and establishing one’s own status in society.

However, people are a social species, and in isolation from society, the development of a person’s personality is impossible. It is precisely in order to make the living of each individual in society comfortable that so-called social contracts were formed - unwritten rules and norms governing the interaction of members of society with each other. Altruism, mutual assistance, guardianship and protection of the weakest and resolution of conflicts through compromise are important components of the social contract

in human society, since they provide a comfortable and safe life for each individual member of society.

Based on the above, it becomes obvious that selfish behavior is the norm for a person, however, every member of society must restrain his selfish impulses in order

And the most important thing for every person is to be able to find a balance between selfishness and altruism so as to be able to realize their needs and goals and at the same time not infringe on others

Distortions in behavior both towards selfishness and altruism are always fraught with negative consequences for the individual

. A person who always adheres to a selfish line of behavior and at the same time infringes on the interests of others, sooner or later risks becoming an outcast in society and losing all his friends and relatives, since no one will tolerate a notorious egoist around for long. And people who are always ready to give up their own interests for the sake of others can very quickly find themselves, as their kindness will begin to be taken advantage of without giving anything in return. A striking example of what excessive altruism leads to are women in relationships with tyrants, alcoholics and drug addicts. These women spend their time and vitality trying to please their partner and save him, but in the end they only have a crippled psyche and undermined physical health.

It is obvious that selfishness is a necessary character trait for every person, since it is it that allows people to realize their needs,

achieve your goals and find your happiness. But still, each person must behave in such a way that, while satisfying his desires, he does not infringe on other members of society. And it is precisely this line of behavior that modern psychologists call reasonable egoism.

Signs of selfishness

We started with the fact that selfishness is a pattern of behavior aimed solely at satisfying personal needs. The time has come to figure out what exactly is meant by this and how selfishness manifests itself. In modern Western psychology, it is customary to separate two points: how to determine that your partner is an egoist, and how to understand that you are an egoist.

This is a fairly correct approach, because few of the real egoists are ready to voluntarily try on the signs of selfishness and admit that they exist. And not all people suffering from their partner’s selfishness are ready to face the truth when they see signs of selfishness in their partner’s behavior. Therefore, let's simply separate these two streams of information.

Examples of selfishness or how to understand that your partner is selfish:

• He tries to control you and is constantly jealous, including of other people, activities, plans for the evening without his participation.
• Devalues ​​your successes, especially if you are currently more successful than him.
• You have to beg for a long time to get something done the way you want, not him.
• He is never interested in your mood, state, or asks how your day was if you haven’t seen each other all day.
• Constantly interrupts when you try to tell him about your business or what interests you.

These are the main signs of selfishness, which are pointed out by Jen Hill, an American sociologist and consultant on interpersonal relationships [B. Wong, 2016]. Excessive talkativeness and a willingness to constantly talk about oneself are identified as the most striking sign of selfishness by psychologist and author of numerous books on psychology, Debra Campbell.

Psychotherapist and relationship counselor Caryl McBride considers it a sign of selfishness when your partner is more interested in your career and what you do at work than in you as a person [K. Bride, 2020]. Note that this is a very fine line, because... Many psychologists attribute a lack of interest in the affairs of a partner at work to selfishness.

What is meant here, rather, is a situation where women marry a “wallet with legs” and are vigilant to ensure that the wallet is not empty, but otherwise they lose interest in a partner and begin looking for a new and more successful one. On the other hand, women who carry the cart of family worries on themselves and tolerate a drone husband who only knows how to lie on the couch with beer receive no less a portion of condemnation from psychologists. Therefore, we do not include this item in the general list and leave it at the discretion of readers.

Now a reminder for those who want to make sure that they are never selfish and do not show their painful ego in relationships with others.

Examples of selfishness or how to understand that you are an egoist:

• You try to control your partner and are constantly jealous, including about other people, activities, plans for the evening without your participation.
• You devalue your partner's successes, especially if they are clearly greater than yours.
• Never take an interest in your partner’s mood and state of mind, don’t ask how his day was, although you think that you are obligated to listen to you in any case.
• Constantly interrupt when your partner tries to tell you about their business.
• You have to beg for a long time to do something as your partner wants, not you.

Very similar to the list located just above the text, isn’t it? This is logical, because the ugly forms of selfishness look the same no matter how you look at them. This is the opinion of family psychotherapists from the USA Amy Begel and Gary Brown [K. Borresen, 2019].

Family relationship consultant Marnie Feuerman also considers the desire to avoid conversations on difficult topics and avoid solving problems to be signs of selfishness [M. Feuerman, 2016]. In principle, this may indicate a number of psychological problems, so we will not include such behavior in the list of exclusive signs of selfishness.

One way or another, all of the above clearly goes beyond the scope of reasonable egoism, because it interferes with others, and over time, with the egoist himself, who will simply be ignored with all his dependent tendencies. Something needs to be done about unhealthy forms of selfishness. Especially if someone else’s or your own egoism begins to interfere with you.

Chernyshevsky's views

The philosopher and writer began his path with Hegel, telling everyone that he belonged only to him. Adhering to Hegelian philosophy and views, Chernyshevsky nevertheless rejects his conservatism. And having become acquainted with his works in the originals, he begins to reject his views and sees complete shortcomings in Hegelian philosophy:

• The creator of reality for Hegel was the absolute spirit and the absolute idea.
• Reason and idea were the driving forces of development.
• Hegel's conservatism and his commitment to the feudal-absolutist system of the country.

As a result, Chernyshevsky began to emphasize the duality of Hegel’s theory and criticize him as a philosopher. Science continued to develop, but Hegel’s philosophy for the writer became outdated and lost its meaning.

Marx on morality

Marx did not create a moral theory at all. He did not set such a task for himself - not in the sense that he did not do it, but in the sense that such a task, from his point of view, is essentially false. Marx offers a critique of morality. He believes that morality is a transformed form of social consciousness; it does not reflect, does not express, but distorts and covers up the actual state of affairs.

The essence of Marx's position is that morality is unworthy of theory. After all, the theory of any object is at the same time a recognition of its necessity, its legal existence - this is precisely what K. Marx denies to morality.

Since being is a social practice, it is possible to transform it according to human standards. It is possible to create a moral being. There is no need for morality to be confined to the area of ​​knowledge of internal motives, individual experience; there is no need to look for places somewhere other than the real world. The real world itself can be perfect, fundamentally friendly towards humans.

K. Marx embodied the idea of ​​a moral remake of reality in the doctrine of communism. Here he faced the most difficult problem of the subjectivity of morality. It was as follows: how imperfect people can build a perfect society, or, in the words of K. Marx himself, how to educate the educator himself.

Parental instinct as a precursor to altruism

According to Efroimson, the main source of altruism in all mammals, including humans, is the parental instinct. For these animals, which have a relatively small number of offspring, the parental instinct has an important adaptive significance, ensuring the stable existence of the species. For those living in flocks/herds, protecting the young from attacks by predators is a function not only of the parents, but of the entire flock. Efroimson's book gives many wonderful examples of such collective protection by a flock of its offspring. I will limit myself to just one. Herds of African ungulates, as a rule, do not fight predators, but prefer to flee. However, in the period before and after the calving of females, when attacked by predators, the herd takes up a circular defense: in the center of the circle are females with calves, and on the periphery are males, each of whom protects the common offspring of the herd.

There is no doubt that in humans, descended from primates living in packs, the instinct of collective protection of offspring, as well as the instincts of mutual assistance and mutual assistance, did not appear out of nowhere. The genes underlying these instincts already existed to some extent in human ancestors. There is a large literature describing the behavior of animals, especially primates (see, for example, []), which from a human point of view (here it is always difficult to avoid anthropomorphism) can be interpreted as “altruistic”. An illustration of this kind of altruistic behavior can be provided by examples of caring not only for one’s own, but also for other people’s cubs, as well as for sick and aging members of the pack. However, in the evolution of man and his struggle for existence, collective care for offspring played a particularly important role in connection with the extremely slow growth and development of children, which made them helpless in the face of external nature for a long time. Here I will give the floor to Efroimson:

“Parallel to the evolutionary growth of the brain, the period of helplessness of the cubs is increasingly lengthened, the period during which they need help and protection from not only their parents, but also the entire flock, herd, horde, tribe, family. Even among the most primitive tribes, a child under six years of age is completely incapable of independent existence, of defense <...> Continuous protection, continuous feeding of helpless children and pregnant women, whose number was at least a third of the pack, and sometimes the majority of it, could only be carried out by a pack, the horde as a whole, constrained in its mobility by this mass of carriers and transmitters of genes in need of protection and food. <…> Selfishness greatly contributes to the survival of the individual. However, continuation of the family required from our ancestors continuous heroic care for their offspring and their protection. A group, pack, clan, horde that did not have the biological foundations of powerful instincts and extrapolation reflexes for the collective defense of offspring and the group were doomed to death by group natural selection. In other words, along with elementary individual selection, there was also group selection for countless forms of altruism, aimed at the development of collectivism and many other individually disadvantageous, but useful to society forms of behavior dictated by conscience. <…> Hordes and packs of subhumans could exist without any particularly complex collectivistic and altruistic instincts. They could win and even multiply. They just could not raise their offspring, and therefore they could not pass on their genes and died out, forming countless dead ends and dead ends of evolution. Only the offspring of packs could survive with sufficient instincts and emotions aimed not only at personal defense, but also at the protection of the offspring, at the defense of the horde as a whole, lightning-fast, instinctive or fast defense. In prehistoric and even historical conditions, the presence of these instincts and drives was continuously checked by natural selection” [].

Adopted baby of a female chimpanzee who lost several offspring due to insufficient lactation []. She was taught to bottle feed her adopted child. As a result, she nursed not only her adopted child, but her own subsequent offspring. According to the observation of F. de Waal, the author of the book “The Origins of Morality: In Search of Humanity in Primates” [], in which these photographs were published, adopted children (a phenomenon he considers as a manifestation of altruism) exist not only in humans, but also in great apes , at least in the living conditions created by man

Reasonable egoism: concept

First of all, let's define what distinguishes reasonable egoism from unreasonable one. The latter manifests itself in ignoring the needs and comfort of other people, focusing all a person’s actions and aspirations on satisfying his, often immediate, needs. Reasonable egoism also comes from the emotional and physiological needs of a person (“I want to leave work right now and go to bed”), but is balanced by reason, which distinguishes homo sapiens from creatures that act solely instinctively (“I’ll finish the project and take a day off tomorrow”). . As you can see, the need will be satisfied without compromising work.

Reasonable and unreasonable egoism

After the concept of reasonable egoism was released, the concept of “egoism” began to be considered in two versions: reasonable and unreasonable. The first was discussed in detail in the theory of the Enlightenment, and the second is well known from life experience. Each of them gets along in a community of people, although the formation of reasonable egoism could bring more benefits not only to society as a whole, but also to individuals in particular. Unreasonable egoism is still more understandable and accepted in everyday life. At the same time, it is often cultivated and actively planted, especially by loving parents and grandparents.

From Hegel to Feuerbach

Not satisfied with Hegelian philosophy, Chernyshevsky turned to the works of L. Feuerbach, which subsequently forced him to call the philosopher his teacher.

In his work “The Essence of Christianity,” Feuerbach argues that nature and human thinking exist separately from each other, and the supreme being created by religion and human fantasy is a reflection of the individual’s own essence. This theory greatly inspired Chernyshevsky, and he found in it what he was looking for.

And even while in exile, he wrote to his sons about the perfect philosophy of Feuerbach and that he remained his faithful follower.

Criticism [edit]

Two objections to rational egoism are raised by the English philosopher Derek Parfit, who discusses the theory at length in Reasons and Men.

(1984). [15] First, from the point of view of a rational egoist, it is rational to contribute to a pension scheme now, even if it harms one's interests (spending the money now). But it is equally reasonable to maximize one's interests now, given that the reasons are not only relative to him, but to him as he is now (and not to his future self, which is said to be a "different" person) . Parfit also argues that since the connections between a person's present mental state and the mental state of a person's future self can be diminished, it is implausible to claim that a person should be indifferent between the present and future selves.

The "selfish gene" model of evolution proposes that human (and animal) behavior that appears altruistic is actually selfish when viewed from a gene/phenotype perspective. People help each other "unselfishly" because copies of their own genes exist in others, so behaviors that help the genes survive are selected, and altruistic drive decreases with genetic distance.

From a psychological point of view

From a psychological point of view, selfishness is inherent in all mentally healthy people as it is a consequence of the conservation instinct. Selfishness is not a bad or good assessment, but a character trait that can be developed to a greater or lesser extent. Among its manifestations are super-egoism (I am everything, the rest is zero), self-destruction egoism (I am nothing, look how insignificant I am) and healthy egoism (understanding one’s own and others’ needs and reconciling them with benefit for oneself). Anegoism can be attributed to the realm of fantasy or serious illness. There are no mentally healthy people who don’t take care of themselves at all. In a word, living well without reasonable selfishness is difficult. After all, the main advantage of a person with healthy egoism is the ability to solve his problems taking into account the interests of others and competently build a system of priorities.

Your egoism is completely healthy if you:

• defend your right to refuse something if you think it will harm you;
• understand that your goals will be achieved first, but others have the right to their interests;
• you know how to take actions in your own favor, trying not to harm others, and are able to compromise;
• have your own opinion and are not afraid to speak out, even when it differs from someone else’s;
• ready to defend yourself by any means if you or your loved ones are in danger;
• don’t be afraid to criticize someone, but don’t become rude;
• do not obey anyone, but do not seek to control others;
• respect your partner’s wishes, but don’t overstep yourself;
• you are not tormented by feelings of guilt after making a choice in your favor;
• love and respect yourself without demanding blind adoration from others.

Basic concept of the theory

The theory of rational egoism evaluates the benefits of human relationships and the choice of the most profitable ones. From a theoretical point of view, the manifestation of selflessness, mercy and charity are absolutely meaningless. Only those manifestations of these qualities that lead to PR, profit, etc. have meaning.

Reasonable egoism is understood as the ability to find a middle ground between personal capabilities and the needs of others. Moreover, each individual proceeds solely from self-love. But having intelligence, a person understands that if he thinks only about himself, he will face a huge number of problems, wanting only to satisfy his personal needs. As a result, individuals come to personal limitations. But this is again done not out of love for others, but out of love for oneself. Therefore, in this case it is advisable to talk about reasonable egoism.

What is reasonable egoism

According to psychologists, reasonable egoism is a behavior strategy in which a person makes active efforts to self-development and achieve his goals without infringing on the interests of others and without coming into conflict with society. And the main differences between reasonable selfishness and excessive one are the following:

Reasonable egoism is the ideal balance between innate egoism and altruism acquired in the process of socialization. And more and more psychologists recommend that their clients develop precisely this strategy of behavior, and not deny their own selfishness. According to experts, reasonable egoism is precisely that form of thinking and behavior that allows a person to live in harmony with himself and the world around him, realize his goals and find his place in society.

Reasonable selfishness

Reasonable selfishness

- a term often used in recent years to denote a philosophical and ethical position that establishes for each subject the fundamental priority of the subject’s personal interests over any other interests, be they public interests or the interests of other subjects.

The need for a separate term is apparently due to the negative semantic connotation traditionally associated with the term “egoism”. If under the egoist

(without the qualifying word “reasonable”) is often understood as a person who
thinks only about himself
and/or
neglects the interests of other people
, then supporters of “
reasonable egoism
” usually argue that such neglect, for a number of reasons, is simply
unprofitable
for the neglecter and, therefore, represents is not selfishness (in the form of a priority of personal interests over any others), but only a manifestation of short-sightedness or even stupidity.
Reasonable egoism in everyday understanding is the ability to live in one’s own interests
without contradicting the interests of others.

The concept of reasonable egoism is closely related to the concept of “individualism”.

The concept of egocentrism and its difference from egoism

Egocentrism is understood as an extreme form of egoism. This is an attitude towards the world that is characterized by a focus solely on one’s self. In philosophy, this concept borders on solipsism - a position according to which a person recognizes his own individual consciousness as the only reality and denies objective reality. The definition of the universal encyclopedia Britannica gives a vivid example of the manifestation of egocentrism: a playing child closes his eyes and joyfully exclaims: “You don’t see me!”

Swiss psychologist and biologist Jean Piaget was one of the first to study egocentrism in children and observed their development, noting the period when they emerge from a state of egocentrism and come to understand that other people also have their own desires and needs. According to Piaget's research, the infant at the sensorimotor stage is egocentric. In the preoperational stage (from two to seven years old), children begin to understand that there can be alternative views, but they do not yet realize that there can be different attitudes towards the same object. Children overcome egocentrism when they reach the operational stage and begin to understand other people's points of view. Piaget's theory of cognitive development implies that by the age of seven, egocentrism is practically not manifested.

Signs of an egocentric

• Unable to put yourself in another person's shoes
• Places himself at the center of all events
• Not interested in the world around him
• Sees other people as minor characters
• Follows the rule “to achieve at any cost”
• Does not notice the inconvenience caused to him because he does not think about others
• Is not aware of the impact of his behavior on other people
• Can read gestures and emotions, but is not interested in the inner world of other people
• Most often does not feel guilty
• Looks for the cause of the problem in the outside world and does not admit his own guilt

“Egocentrism differs from egoism, which is primarily a moral value orientation of an individual and manifests itself in selfish behavior contrary to the interests of other people. An egoist may be aware of the goals and values ​​of others, but deliberately neglects them; thus, he may not be self-centered.

An egocentric person can behave like an egoist, but not necessarily because he opposes his interests to the interests of another, but because he does not perceive someone else’s position, being entirely concentrated on his own interests.”

Popular psychological encyclopedia. Sergey Stepanov

Egoism and egocentrism difference

There is also a concept similar to egoism - egocentrism. There is a difference in definition between the categories of egoism and egocentrism.

Selfishness is a personality trait, a part of its character that manifests itself in behavior, and egocentrism is a way of thinking. An egocentric person sincerely believes in the existence of only one correct opinion, and that is his own. Only his idea has the right to exist, and he establishes the order, and he will not listen to anyone else’s reasoning. The center of the universe is closed on the egocentric, he is the navel of the earth, he sees only himself at the head of the world, he was born with this feeling and it can pass or more or less weaken at the age of 8-12. If an adult behaves like the ego did in the past, something happened that prevented the person from growing up.

Selfishness examples from life. Selfish people have too strong a desire to have everything, even what they will never need, but others have

Such an overly focused attention on one’s own desires and their satisfaction, even at the most inopportune moment, is characteristic of small children who do not yet know what is good and what is bad, and what can be done right away, and what can cause a negative reaction in society. But the terrible truth is that such manifestations of selfishness are inherent in both children and adults who have physically long since passed that age, but have not matured psychologically

They do not have a feeling of satiety, and not only in food, but in all things, they are always not enough, always lacking. They don't want a big piece of cake, they want the whole cake.

Human egoism has childish traits, but the brain of such individuals works better than it should. They always need to look for ways to get more. It is necessary to come up with cunning tricks to get what you want. Their mind is constantly tense, it is aimed at calculating ways to achieve their own benefit.

It is precisely because of this that human egoism is considered the trigger for progress. A person is in motion, which means he develops, invents, creates and achieves. It is this feature of egoism that gives it a positive connotation. If from childhood you direct egoism in the right direction in a certain way, use this energy as motivation for achievement and at the same time teach the child moral and ethical principles, according to which it is necessary, but respecting the needs of other people, you can raise a very purposeful personality.

What to do with selfishness?

Many articles have been written on the topic of how to deal with selfishness and how to live with it. As in the previous paragraph, let’s separate the fight against our selfishness and the fight against the selfishness of others, because methods will vary. Let's start with how to defeat your own selfishness, which has begun to cause problems. We are realists and understand that until an egoist starts having problems, he will not bother to change anything in his behavior.

How to deal with your selfishness?

In short, there are two paths for fighters against selfishness. The first way is to take the side of reasonable egoism and consciously control your behavior so that it does not look too defiantly selfish.

The second way is to develop other qualities, as a counterbalance to selfish tendencies, such as a willingness to help, empathize, and rejoice in the successes of others. If we are talking about your own egoism, which has begun to interfere with you, try, as psychotherapist Vladimir Dashevsky says, “put egoism on pause” and do something good for others [V. Dashevsky, 2020]. It's not bad that you want to do something good for yourself. It's bad when you don't want to do something good for others.

are a lot of options here work as a volunteer at an animal shelter, donate books to a library, take part in a charity concert if you are a musician, or simply offer help with the housework to a lonely elderly neighbor or feed homeless animals. The origins of unhealthy forms of egoism may lie in such depths of the subconscious that you will never reach, even with a psychologist.

An egoist may latently feel that by helping someone out with money, he risks becoming a beggar, and by sharing food, he will only begin to starve. Therefore, requests for help to such a person seem obviously suspicious and dangerous. Simple actions - feeding stray animals, donating books - will show your subconscious that giving is not at all scary. And this can be the first step towards getting rid of painful forms of selfishness.

If you are a family person, you can ask what exactly interests your other half at the moment and what kind of help or assistance she needs most of all. This is a fundamental point that is most difficult for egoists who have embarked on the path of correction due to their selfish mindset.

Many people strive to act in a stereotyped way: for example, inviting their wife to a restaurant or giving a set of underwear. It often turns out that the best gift for a wife would be two hours of afternoon sleep or half a day of free time to go to a beauty salon, if the husband agreed to go for a walk with the small child and fed him an afternoon snack himself. This approach will precisely become the door to that very reasonable egoism, which will benefit both you, those around you, and again you, because a rested and calm wife is always better than a nervous and tired one.

And, be that as it may, don’t worry about the fact that you are a little more selfish than the norms imposed by society allow. People who do not know how to love themselves and take care of themselves are more likely to suffer from neuroses and other related diseases and are more likely to believe that they have not received something from this life. In your case, you can always say that you did everything you could for yourself.

After all, how to learn to love yourself is no less a popular topic in trainings and master classes than the topic of fighting selfishness. And articles on this topic advise you to stop constantly being interested in the opinions of others about your person and be yourself [M. Labkovsky, 2019]. What a reason to be proud, because you already know how to do all this! All that remains is to find a reasonable balance of these and other equally useful skills in life.

It seems that with the topic of one’s own egoism everything is more or less clear. But what to do when a person from your inner circle turns out to be selfish, and you missed this moment and now have to endure the inconvenience of this?

How to deal with other people's egoism?

If we are talking about people who are not related to you by blood, then prevention is the best fight. Learn techniques for protecting yourself from manipulation and simply don’t let toxic people into your close circle of friends. It’s more difficult when it comes to a child, for whom you do everything you can, but you can’t even expect help from him with housework. Or about your spouse, when at the stage of falling in love you did not see his or her shortcomings, but now you suffer from inattention.

Let's start with the topic of children's egoism and immediately recall that children copy the behavior model of adults. If it seems to you that the child is behaving selfishly, there is a high probability that the relationship between the parents is exactly how one-sided he sees. Remember the cute joke when a little girl says that when she grows up, she will definitely become a dad? In response to the clarifying question, “Maybe, after all, by mom?” the child resolutely declares that no, it’s better to be a dad: he came home, ate, played on the computer and went to bed, but nothing else needs to be done.

Due to his age, the child does not have abstract thinking and will not be able to understand that dad earns money and is tired at work, so mom takes on household chores and takes care of dad. The child sees only what he sees, and parents will have to adjust the visible part of the relationship. Unless, of course, they want to get a selfish child who will sincerely believe that his mother should serve him exactly like his father.

The second point in raising a grown-up child is a clear statement of what exactly you expect from him. Children are not as sensitive to clutter as middle-aged married women, so hysterical questions like “Don’t you see that you need to clean up scattered toys?!” It's better to keep it to yourself. It is enough to clearly and calmly explain to you that the toys want to sleep and need to be put in a specially designated place.

If there is no response, calmly explain what the punishment will be and stick to your promises. It is better not to practice material rewards for performing household duties, because the child’s self-care at the everyday level is needed by the child himself, and not by you. Simply praising someone for completing a task is enough. Otherwise, the child will have a very difficult time when you send him, for example, to a summer sports camp, where the entire group is punished for not clearing away his plate in the dining room.

There are other ways to defeat children's selfishness:

• Foster independence in your child - do not do for him what he can do at his age himself (tying shoelaces, using a spoon, doing school homework).
• If your living space allows, get a pet - a cat, a dog, a parrot - and introduce your child to caring for animals.
• Buy fairy tales and download cartoons where the main characters treat each other and others with respect. Or watch cartoons with your child and comment on dubious moments.
• Rejoice with your child when he rejoices at the success of his friends or classmates. At this moment, refrain from reproaches like “You see how smart Petya is, he won the Olympiad in mathematics, and you are a fool.” Such comments do not lead to improved academic performance, but only raise your child to be an evil, envious creature.
• Do not sort things out in the presence of a child and prohibit other relatives from doing so - your wife, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, etc. If they don’t listen, it’s better to rent housing and live separately, because... the costs of raising children will be more expensive than rented housing.

And, of course, fully welcome the child’s initiative if he suddenly wants to help you, for example, in the kitchen [V. Gritsuk, 2020]. You can fight your fears about “what if he cuts himself” or “what if he breaks something” by teaching your child how to use kitchen utensils and explaining what and how to do correctly.

The second problem we announced is the problem of selfishness of one of the spouses, usually a man, because women, by default, carry the brunt of household chores. The reasons why selfishness suddenly began to appear in relationships may be different. Perhaps this did not happen suddenly, you just were in love before and did not notice the alarm bells. Perhaps you surrounded him with excessive care when he no longer felt like a man and a protector whose help his beloved woman needed. Perhaps he himself would be glad to become different, but he grew up in a family where he was the only and late child who was spoiled to the extreme.

It is important to understand the reasons, because the strategy of your actions will depend on this. If a person is simply not aware of what it means to care for others, tell him about it in a gentle way. Don’t start from afar saying that you want to sleep during the day, and don’t be angry that he didn’t think to immediately go for a walk with the child - just ask him to walk for a couple of hours with your baby while you rest. Don’t be indignant that your husband still hasn’t fixed the jamming lock in the wardrobe - perhaps he doesn’t take things out of the closet very often and is not aware that the lock is jamming. Be sure to praise if your spouse has done something good and do not prematurely expect that he will suddenly learn to predict your desires overnight.

If the spouse's selfishness comes along with other signs of a toxic relationship, such problematic relationships will require comprehensive work on them, which is a topic for a separate article. To begin with, we recommend taking our courses “Mental Self-Regulation” and “Best Communication Techniques”, because there you will learn basic techniques on how to build healthy communications. For many, this knowledge is enough to stop being nervous and improve relationships, both in the family and at work.

We wish you to love yourself and others, and never lose your sense of happiness, no matter what happens in this world!

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Conscience: why doesn’t everyone have it and what to do if it doesn’t?
• Selfishness: what is it and how to live with it?
• Spiral dynamics model
• Working with delays
• Compensatory mechanisms
• Self-transcendence
• Lessons of Wisdom from Benedict Spinoza
• Ten ways to become a team player
• How karma works
• What lessons can a monkey teach a person?

Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation

Links

• Nikolai Naritsyn.
  Reasonable egoism (reasonable egoism as a recommendation of a professional psychoanalyst and psychotherapist)
• Andrey "Varraks" Bortsov.
  Reasonable egoism (Satanism and reasonable egoism)

Wikimedia Foundation. 2010.

See what “Reasonable egoism” is in other dictionaries:

Reasonable selfishness

- a term introduced by Chernyshevsky to designate the ethical principles he developed. The basis of Chernyshevsky’s ethics, largely built under the influence of the teachings of French. materialists of the 18th century, as well as C. Fourier and L. Feuerbach, lie the attitudes, the meaning of... ... Russian Philosophy. Encyclopedia

REASONABLE SELFISHNESS

- a term introduced by Chernyshevsky to designate the ethical principles he developed. The basis of Chernyshevsky’s ethics, largely built under the influence of the teachings of French. materialists of the 18th century, as well as C. Fourier and L. Feuerbach, lie the attitudes, meaning to ry... ... Russian philosophy: dictionary

REASONABLE SELFISHNESS

- an ethical concept put forward by the enlighteners of the 17th-8th century. which is based on the principle that a correctly understood interest must coincide with public interest. Although man is by nature an egoist and acts only out of his own interest, out of... ... Thematic philosophical dictionary

REASONABLE EGOISM is an ethical teaching that assumes that: a) all human actions are based on an egoistic motive (the desire for one’s own good); b) reason makes it possible to single out from the total volume of motives those that constitute a correctly understood ... Philosophical Encyclopedia

selfishness

- a, m. égoïsme m. 1. Philosophy that asserts the real existence of only the soul. 70s 18th century Exchange 156. Disgust for Hisism, according to which everything relates only to oneself. Interlocutor 1783 2 24. False sensitivity refers everything only to itself; according to ... Historical Dictionary of Gallicisms of the Russian Language

This article needs to be completely rewritten. There may be explanations on the talk page... Wikipedia

Egoism (from the Latin ego “I”) 1) psychological term: The value orientation of a subject, characterized by the predominance in his life of selfish personal interests and needs, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups.... ... Wikipedia

The terms “egoism” and “egotism” can refer to: Egoism is behavior that is entirely determined by the thought of one’s own benefit. Reasonable egoism is the belief that first of all you need to act in your own interests. Solipsism (sometimes... ... Wikipedia

Selfishness

- in psychology, this is a value orientation, a quality of a person, thanks to which he puts his own interests above the interests of other people, a group, or a team. An egoist will never take part in a business that will not bring benefits to him; he does not understand the sacrificial morality of serving his neighbor. The behavior of a selfish person is completely determined and guided by motives of personal gain, without regard to how much his gain may cost others.

Altruism and egoism are opposite concepts and it follows from this that the egoist is focused on satisfying his own needs, while completely neglecting the interests of others and using them as a means through which selfish personal goals are achieved.

An egoist is in love with himself with all his soul, sometimes he forbids others to love him, because he considers them unworthy of his attention, which is why such people almost always remain lonely. A selfish type of behavior is characteristic of people who have too much self-confidence. When they have a definite desire to possess something, then it must be served to them immediately and on a silver platter. They completely exclude the fact that they won’t have it or that they need to wait a while for it.

A little history

Reasonable egoism begins to emerge in the ancient period, when Aristotle assigned it the role of one of the components of the problem of friendship.

Further, during the period of the French Enlightenment, Helvetius views rational egoism as the impossibility of coexistence of a meaningful balance between a person's self-centered passion and public goods.

This issue was studied in more detail by L. Feuerbach. In his opinion, human virtue is based on a sense of one’s own satisfaction from the satisfaction of another person.

The theory of rational egoism received in-depth study from Chernyshevsky. It was based on the interpretation of the individual's egoism as an expression of the usefulness of the person as a whole. Based on this, if corporate, private and universal interests collide, then the latter should prevail.