Adviсe
- I am an egoist! Problems of egoism and its nature
- Reasons why a person becomes selfish
- Moms and children
- A life lived for the sake of the whole planet
- Selfishness and altruism
The problem of selfishness in modern society is becoming increasingly relevant. Is it because people, pursuing their own interests, have stopped noticing the problems of those around them? We stop feeling other people’s pain and move towards our goal “over our heads.” Maybe this is the normal behavior of a person who strives to become successful and achieve recognition in society?
What determines the boundaries of human egoism, which public opinion is still able to recognize and come to terms with? After all, initially every living being is selfish. So, how to differentiate between reasonable and unreasonable egoism? This is a fine line, crossing which a person will face censure and rejection by the public.
Small salary
They pay us money for the work done. They are the equivalent of our contribution to the overall process of social development. Fruitful work should be well paid.
Don’t be afraid to ask for more if the time has come and management is holding out on a promotion!
Excess hours or days worked must be paid. If a job does not have prospects for growth and increased income, then there is no need to cling to it. There are many other places in the world where your efforts will be properly appreciated. Look for something new! Is it selfish to act in your own interests?
When you need and can be selfish: 10 reasons for reasonable selfishness
Let's consider cases when reasonable egoism is not just appropriate, but necessary:
Least favorite job
Many people don’t even imagine that work can be fun. There are many people who do their work with pleasure, and all because at one time they found something they liked. Don't stay in a company or company if you don't like the work. Look for what you like and you will find it. Salary, of course, plays a decisive role here, but you should set goals for yourself to get the job of your dreams. After all, a huge part of our life is spent on work; we need to live it in pleasure, and not in eternal dissatisfaction and remorse.
Wage
Many people are embarrassed to ask for a salary increase. While others ask and receive. Many work late and are not paid extra for it. While others clearly voice their position that their work hours should be paid. If you don’t see prospects for career and financial growth, don’t cling to this job, look for something new. Healthy selfishness is pursuing one’s goals without sacrificing others. Don't you and your family deserve better? Enrich yourself, not your bosses, if they don’t see you as a valuable person. It is important to realistically assess your capabilities and contribution to the common cause.
When is it necessary to be selfish?
Know how to say “no”
While others mutter something inaudibly under their breath, others know how to say “no” if the situation is inconvenient for them. Because of their inability to refuse, people lend money even if they didn’t want to. Because of their inability to refuse, people agree to work after hours. Because of the inability to refuse, people comply with the whims of relatives and friends that go against their wishes. Who ultimately suffers? Only the person who simply could not say one simple and firm word “sorry, no!” In such situations, you need to be selfish, otherwise you risk becoming a convenient lifesaver for those who will quickly understand that you can be manipulated and you cannot refuse.
Extra friendship
There are people who do not bring you happiness, joy, or benefit, but at the same time they take up a lot of free time, they can dump their problems on you and burden you with their requests. But at the same time, if you ask for something, you may be refused. Many people have a girlfriend who constantly calls, takes up a lot of free time, and you cannot rely on her. And there are a lot of such stories and examples.
Trying to get rid of unnecessary friendships can drag on for many years. Learn not to waste your time on dubious friendships, because instead you can start a friendly relationship with a good and congenial person. You should not abruptly interrupt communication in a rude manner; it is enough to make it clear to the person that you have other concerns and you simply have no time for him. Of course, such a person will be offended, but this should not worry you. Don’t even think about reproaching yourself and feeling guilty.
Family
In the minds of many women there is an understanding that you are a woman, you are a mother, and you simply must, at any cost, do the best for your family every day. Some household members do not take into account the fact that the mother is tired, that she also wants to relax and do her favorite things, instead of serving the family. On weekends, the woman will clean, wash, cook, while the household can watch TV and do their own thing.
In this case, the woman simply must be “selfish,” let’s call it that, and attract all family members to help. Children can clean their own rooms; they should be taught to help from childhood. The husband can vacuum or peel the potatoes. And then the whole family will have a day off. If household members don’t want to help, let them take care of themselves; mom should also have a day off.
Examples of healthy egoism
Children
It is not uncommon for a husband and wife, not loving each other, to live for many years in marriage for the sake of their children. People who do not love each other deceive themselves, trying to portray the illusion of happiness in marriage. It’s easier for them to do this than to try to explain to the child that mom and dad will now live separately, but will still love the child just the same. You should not sacrifice yourself to fears, stereotypes and fear of responsibility for your life.
You need to take responsibility for your personal happiness, even if you are called selfish, even if you are dissuaded and condemned for depriving your child of a full-fledged family. The best way to make a child happy is to show him this by example. The same goes for your career. You can often hear a mother reproaching her child: “I quit my job because of you, and you...”, “I quit my job in order to spend all my time with the baby...” and things like that. Don't give up on your career if you want to work and achieve career heights.
Move towards your dream
Many people encounter this on the verge of leaving school. When parents choose a university instead of a child, without taking into account the fact that he would like to enroll in another. This can be presented so cunningly that a person will believe that he himself made his choice. And only after a while he can understand that he has taken a wrong turn in his life. Over time, your choices can be influenced by your spouse, bosses, and others. A reasonable egoist will understand in time that these are not his desires and will take the path to his dream, even if everyone dissuades him.
Extra politeness
If you have had the habit of apologizing for any reason since childhood, you need to correct it a little. If you step on a person’s foot on the subway, you definitely need to apologize. However, you should not apologize for someone else if their inappropriate actions can be associated with you. Everyone must be accountable for themselves, but not for anyone else. For example, you went with your friend to a cafe, she had too much and started dancing on the tables. You don't have to apologize for her behavior; she is responsible for her actions. Refusal of unnecessary politeness concerns many areas of human relations.
Sex
In pursuit of the desire to please a loved one, some people forget about their own pleasure. In addition, many women worry about how they look, whether the extra pounds are too noticeable, or whether their hair is funny. During sex, healthy egoism should also be present. Firstly, you should stop thinking about things like appearance, an unattractive tan and similar little things that are not important to your partner. Secondly, you should think about how to get pleasure yourself and give in to passion without second thoughts. Then your partner will be happy, not just you.
Self love
Remember the phrase “Do you want others to love you? Love yourself first!” This phrase means that you need to learn to understand your desires and not deny yourself. For example, do you want that handbag? Buy it for yourself. Instead of constantly remembering and regretting it later. This is a primitive example, but it expresses the essence of the issue. A person who loves himself radiates happiness; he can give others kindness and a good mood. It's easy with such a person.
Selfishness or self-love
On the path to healthy egoism, try not to become overegoists. Your egoism should be within the bounds of reason and not run free. The phrase from the Soviet cartoon “Love yourself, sneeze on everyone, and success will await you in life” should not be taken literally. You don’t need to sneeze at everyone, but learning to love yourself, respect your personal space and value your own time is definitely worth it.
Personal relationships
Everyone knows the concepts of “ex” or “former”. Some people try to remain friends after a breakup. How pitiful their meetings and communication sometimes look! You should not continue communication if even a photo on a social network causes pain. This is a form of self-mockery. Reasonable egoism is the saving grace here. Think, first of all, about yourself and what advantages have opened up to you. Don't maintain a broken connection and it will die on its own.
Egoism: what is it, is it good or bad to be an egoist - examples of selfishness
The opinion has long been established in society that an egoist is a very bad person. From childhood, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers raise their children in the spirit - deny yourself, but share with a friend. If a child shows reluctance to live and act in the interests of others, he is generously rewarded with reproachful glances and instructive statements about how bad he is.
As a result of growing up, a person comes to terms with his fate and the understanding that he is no one. That being selfish is bad.
Fortunately, not all parents do this, and not all children become anti-egoists. In modern society you can find many who, as a tribute to fashion, raise children according to the principle - you are the best, and the rest are nobody. This practice is also in most cases not correct and can offend the interests of other people.
Where can you find that golden mean when you can live for your own pleasure and not offend anyone? There is an opinion that you need to learn to separate super-egoism and reasonable egoism.
Important: Selfishness is behavior in which a person puts his own interests above the interests of others. At the same time, on the way to the goal, a person hurts the interests of other people and does not take into account the opinions of others at all.
Examples of selfishness:
- An egoist considers himself better than everyone else, period.
- An egoist knows only two opinions - his own and the wrong one.
- The egoist is indifferent to many, but he puts himself above all.
- An egoist cannot enter into the position of another person.
- He waits and is sure that they should give in to him, but he himself will not do it.
- In any of his actions he seeks benefit or openly demands it.
- Goes ahead, regardless of the fact that it hurts others.
- He demands love and respect for his own person, while he himself cannot offer anything in return, and does not consider it necessary.
Egoist - who is it?
There is still a golden mean between superegoism and self-abasement. It's called healthy egoism.
Important: Healthy selfishness is the ability to live in your own interests, without contradicting the interests of others. Behavior in which a person knows how to find a balance between his desires and the opinions of other people.
Examples of healthy egoism:
- A person with a healthy sense of selfishness gives primary attention to his interests, while he understands that other people have opinions and takes them into account.
- He is not afraid to express his opinion, even when it does not coincide with the opinions of others.
- Respects the wishes of the partner, but does not betray his principles.
- When choosing in favor of yourself, you are not tormented by feelings of guilt later.
- He knows how to refuse if the offer does not suit him.
- He also knows how to accept refusal, doing it without offense or complaints.
- Such a person is ready to compromise.
- He knows how to refuse what, in his opinion, can cause harm.
Selfishness is neither good nor bad. Each of us must have healthy selfishness. It is incorrect to condemn a person for being an egoist. The only thing is that not everyone can come to terms with the degree of selfishness in a certain person. If a person is over-egoistic, this can have a negative impact not only on the people around him, but also on his own life.
Many people are accustomed to the mistaken belief that being selfish is great. Such people go ahead, and all doors open for them. Actually this is not true. It's great to be a reasonable or healthy egoist. Such a person can build his life in such a way as to maintain good relationships with others and not live at the expense of himself.
The price for over-egoism is loneliness. People who are over-egoistic cannot build trusting relationships. Their acquaintances end in superficial communication; even close people may turn away sooner or later, because such behavior is socially unacceptable.
Is selfishness good or bad?
Extra politeness
Many children were taught as children to apologize for any reason for what they did. Sometimes the object or cause was not worth such humiliation. Now you have grown up, but the habit remains. You still need to apologize if you accidentally step on a passerby's foot on the subway. It's a different matter when it comes to career growth. Everything is different here. A nice girl who is applying for a good job should be pushed aside if she wants to take the place for which you are applying. Gallantry in such matters is inappropriate. The same principle applies in other areas of life.
Examples of rational egoism and manifestations of this feeling
Moms and children
Why, when choosing between a dress for herself and a new hat for her daughter, does a mother buy a gift for her child? She may already have a hat, but this particular color and style will suit the girl. Have you seen young mothers with strollers, who don’t have a drop of makeup on, their hair is pulled back into a ponytail, but they look absolutely happy? What is this? What are they happy about and why is this happening?
Answer: these mothers do not know how to have fun to the detriment of their children. Even the kids won't notice it. They pursue a selfish goal - to make the baby happy, to give him everything that her loving heart is capable of. Refusing other pleasures, mothers live by caring for their children, which is where their selfishness lies. Nature gave them children, and they, in turn, must provide them with a decent existence. Mothers who perform their duties correctly receive a feeling of true selfish pleasure from this.
A life lived for the sake of the whole planet
Pleasure, which is the result of the manifestation of egoism, is obtained in different ways. How can we explain the life of a scientist who works for all of humanity, makes discoveries, doesn’t sleep at night and invents new technologies that will later be used by all the people of the world? Why does a person need this? He wastes his personal time, forgets about his family and the world that exists around him. Thus, the scientist seeks to satisfy the selfish desire to be “superior” to other people who will not do what he is doing. He enjoys his power over the world and humanity, whose future depends on his invention.
The same goes for artists, poets and other outstanding personalities who live only by their own interests, but at the same time give us the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of their labors for centuries
Children
Stories about people living together just for the sake of children are truly terrifying. What positive example will a child receive if for many years he sees only anger and scandals around him? For children to grow up happy, you need to be that way yourself. A reasonable egoist will act wisely if he breaks this vicious circle. You should also not sacrifice your career for the sake of your child. You can always find a compromise.
It turns out that the essence of selfishness lies in happiness and harmony. Then life will be a joy. Be a worthy member of society, and not a separate piece of gray mass. Remain selfish and live in pleasure.
Who is an egoist?
The word "egoism" comes from the Latin word "ego", which means "I". Most often, this concept is interpreted as behavior that is determined only by the thought of one’s own benefit and the desire to use others, regardless of their preferences, interests or desires.
Egoism is usually divided into rational and irrational. In the first option, a person evaluates the possible consequences of his actions and decisions and takes this into account when making a decision. In the second case, the actions of a selfish, short-sighted and impulsive person are governed solely by his own desires, goals and interests.
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How to understand how selfish we ourselves are?
People often do not notice selfishness in themselves because they do not listen to what others tell them. Why do this if they already feel great?
Egoists are people who rarely notice that they bring a lot of problems to other people. But then how can they understand that they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and watch. Then the egoist will notice that he has been asked for some kind of service or favor for several months. And if a large number of people have accumulated around you who are dissatisfied with your behavior, this is a reason to think about it.
Is it possible to rehabilitate an egoist?
It is possible, but only in rare cases. If a person has become selfish after experiencing severe shock or grief, then there is hope that he will understand: he is also surrounded by living people who have their own feelings, desires, problems and dreams. But it is almost impossible to change an adult if he does not want it himself and is not ready to make efforts and spend time on it. So if your partner, whom you truly love, is afraid of losing you and is willing to change for you, then there will be progress. You will just need to be patient.
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Are there types of egoism?
Psychologists say that there are two types of egoism - passive and active.
An active egoist, often well versed in the world, knows very well how to please people, and can conduct lengthy small talk. However, when talking with him, in 10 minutes you will understand that all the words of this person are aimed only at achieving his goal. To do this, he is ready to make almost any sacrifice, for example, to show hypocrisy, bribe and even sacrifice his own reputation.
A passive egoist chooses a completely different line of behavior. Such people do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals by acting arrogantly and rudely, “going over their heads.” Often people around him quickly realize the true nature of such a person, as a result of which they begin to avoid him. Therefore, a passive egoist in most cases simply becomes lonely, without friends and relatives who can be relied on in any situation.
