What does constructive mean (element, dialogue, criticism or thinking)

Constructive thinking is the weapon of any adult. It helps to solve difficult life situations and get out of them with minimal losses. Precise definition: the ability to think productively, unemotionally. The skill is very useful, but the main injustice is that some people are gifted with this type of thinking by nature, while others can only dream of this superpower.

What does constructive thinking look like?

Constructive thinking is, in a sense, a way of life. It can be seen in the example of human reactions to difficult situations. For example, two maids finished their shift at a hotel and found themselves stuck in an elevator late at night. Both suffered from mild claustrophobia. Both of them were in a hurry about their business. And for both the situation was physically unacceptable. One of them panics, hits the buttons, starts wailing, screaming, trying to attract attention. The other, meanwhile, tries to remain calm. She monitors her breathing. She tries to call the elevator operator using the button. When the button did not work, the woman took out her mobile phone, called a friend who lived nearby, and after 15 minutes they were released.

What is the difference between the types of thinking of these women? The first one's thoughts were chaotic and not constructive. She felt sorry for herself - after all, she was claustrophobic, and she was in a hurry. Giving in to her emotions, she did not allow her mind to work on the situation. But she also had a mobile phone in her purse. The second woman did not allow herself to panic. She took it upon herself to solve the problem and did not panic when the elevator button did not work. If she didn't have a phone, she would still find a way out.

In any situation, constructive thinking begins where emotions end. Feelings prevent a person from adequately perceiving the situation. This type of thinking is more characteristic of men than women. The reason for this is different hormonal sets. Estrogen, which women are thoroughly saturated with, sensitivity at a certain time of the cycle - distances them from constructiveness. Women often give in to impulses and act under the influence of emotions. Such actions have no logical justification and, over time, become a matter of regret.

Men are also devoid of constructiveness, because there are very sensitive, vulnerable representatives of the stronger sex. Just like there are women who carry a “golden head” on their shoulders that can solve any problem.

Listening technique

To conduct a dialogue, you need to master the techniques of listening to your interlocutor. These include: active (reflective), passive (non-reflective) and empathic.

Active

The active technique is to reflect the information received. This shows the other person your attention, interest and respect, and also keeps their attention without losing the thread of the conversation.

Passive

Passive technique reflects complete concentration of attention on the information received and the behavior of the partner. To demonstrate that you are interested in the topic, sometimes nod your head, thereby confirming that you are listening to your interlocutor.

Empathic

Empathic technique is based on empathy for the opponent. It is necessary not only to understand, but also to share the emotions of the interlocutor. To conduct a positive, constructive dialogue, it is advised to master this technique. You need to tune in to listen to your opponent, abstract from your problems and surrounding events. Try to capture your partner's feelings and convey them in words. Pause after your words for your interlocutor to think about them. There is no need to explain the reason for these experiences.

Where to get constructive thoughts

First, let's figure out what this type of thinking gives a person.

1. The ability to balance the emotional pendulum and not succumb to negativity. The person will feel calm and protected. Behind constructive thinking is like behind a stone wall.
2. This helps to find a way out of the most difficult situations.
3. This kind of thinking often changes a person's life. He acquires a similar skill, realizes that there is something in his life that does not suit him, and begins to work in this direction. Logic will no longer allow you to avoid changes or find reasons for inaction. This is how positive change begins: with a thought. With the right thought.

Anyone, even the most emotional and inert person, can learn to think constructively. Try to remember a person around you who has this ability. Imagine a difficult situation and think about what he would do. Try to put yourself in his place and adopt the way of thinking. Emotions away, just cold reason.

You can practice both in fictitious situations and in real ones. A little work on your thinking, and the skill will become a habit.

Constructive thinking is characterized by:

• Impartiality.
• Logics.
• Subsequence.
• Thoughtfulness.
• Comprehensive assessment of the situation.
• Building a plan.
• Assessing prospects.
• Forecasting developments.
• Lack of emotions.

The main component of this type of thinking is a cool mind. Emotions do not allow a person to consider a situation from all sides, see perspectives and evaluate all possible options, choosing the best.

Principles of speech communication

In order for communication not to be meaningless and empty, you need to know the rules and principles of communication. These include: quantity, quality, attitude and method.

1. Quantity. The statement should contain no more and no less information than required.
2. Quality. The statement must be truthful, with sufficient justification.
3. Attitude. Don't deviate into other topics.
4. Way. Express your thoughts clearly, avoid ambiguity, and be concise and organized.

The rules of speech also include the principle of communication. This principle includes: tact, generosity, approval, modesty, agreement and sympathy.

Tact

Tact refers to the boundaries of personal spheres. It is necessary to maintain distance between interlocutors. You should not talk about the purpose of the conversation if your opponent has not voiced it, and also avoid topics about your personal life and tastes.

Generosity

Try to formulate your proposals without being forced. The opponent must be able to refuse it.

OK

The views of the people conducting the dialogue must coincide and be positive in their attitude. Different visions make it much more difficult to achieve your own goals.

Modesty

It is necessary to stop excessive praise addressed to yourself and have a realistic, objective self-esteem. Inflated self-esteem can negatively affect the achievement of results.

Agreement

The interlocutors must abandon the conflict to achieve the goal.

Sympathy

The address to the opponent should be favorable. Lack of goodwill makes constructive dialogue impossible.

Compliance with rules and principles is not absolute. But they allow you to achieve a positive communication climate, because the effectiveness of information transfer increases in an atmosphere of trust and goodwill.

How to think constructively

You can master the technique of a constructive way of thinking using the technique of renouncing emotions. Its essence is to completely rid yourself of emotions for a while. Just after hearing unpleasant news, most people immediately form a chain of negative thoughts in their heads, which plunge them into the abyss of dark feelings. No productivity.

The first step after receiving any information should be its comprehensive processing. Of course, if the information concerns you and can somehow affect the existing situation. There is no need to use logic and comprehend an anecdote, funny story or gossip about a colleague.

Example: a man is informed that his beloved wife had dinner in a cafe with an unknown man.

Destructive thinking.

“She’s definitely cheating on me. I'm a cuckold now and my friends already know. I'm disgraced. I will never forgive her. She won't admit it and will find an excuse. I loved her so much! I will also find a mistress - it will be fair. I don’t want to see her. I’m going on a spree.”

Such behavior and reaction would definitely lead to a scandal. And repeated situations of this type will lead to divorce. And all because of the inability to think constructively. Unnecessary emotions, far-fetched situations. And the wife just went to show her new colleague the cafe next to the office. They were just talking about work. He could be a deeply married man or even a man with unconventional views on women.

Constructive thinking.

“My wife will definitely give me a reasonable explanation for this case. It is unlikely that she will publicly share lunch with her lover in a cafe. The situation is unpleasant for me because I love my wife and am a little jealous of her. But she never gave me any reason to doubt. We will talk and find out everything, until this moment the situation will look to me like Schrödinger's cat. And now I don’t have a single reason to worry. It could be her distant relative or colleague. She will return home and we will calmly discuss everything. There’s no point in going over possible options in your head.”

Don't panic: assess the situation. Yes, the news is unpleasant for him. But the man pulled himself together; he would not burn his nerve cells in vain. He will not cause a scandal by screwing himself up. He accepted the fact that there was not enough information to draw any conclusions. Constructive thinking in action.

What notes should you not pay attention to?

We often express our opinion, we do it involuntarily, we do not strive to ensure that our point of view is objective. Sometimes we don’t want to help someone at all, we simply talk about our thoughts, tastes, experiences or hobbies, and we can also throw out a flurry of negative emotions on a colleague.

Nowadays we are very susceptible to criticism, we face it everywhere.

• Internet. On social networks, people leave comments to each other, some are positive, others are aggressive. You shouldn't take them seriously.
• Policy. Our television screens often broadcast debates between political figures, who, despite their status, subsequently turn to shouting and sometimes to personalities.
• The science. A community of scientists can become divided over differing opinions on one specific issue.

Don't pay attention to judgments that are intended to hurt or offend you. They are untrue and unfounded. In any group of people you will find a like-minded person who will support you and give valuable advice and recommendations.

Thinking like a strategist

Have you ever wondered how the mindset of a millionaire or a successful entrepreneur differs from the mindset of an ordinary person? Why do some people succeed in everything in life, while others cannot achieve a promotion even with an excellent education and work experience? Everything always starts with a thought. And the ability to think is decisive in any field.

How do these short, homely men think, next to whom the beauty queen walks? How do ugly women manage to get real Apollos as husbands? How does a boy from an orphanage become a millionaire? What is the secret of success? When there are no prerequisites, when no one helps, how do they manage to achieve their goals? Let us examine in detail the thinking of a strategist.

1. See the goal, consider it comprehensively.
2. Realize the degree of importance for yourself.
3. Assess your real capabilities, taking into account the complete lack of luck and help from other people. For strategists know that in this life they can only rely on their own strength.
4. Calculate options for the development of events.
5. An important rule of successful people: you should always have a backup plan. Plan b". If it doesn’t work out right away, they will use this fallback option. It is also worth developing a plan “B” - and so on at least until the middle of the alphabet. Often people achieve their goals not on the first try and not on the second. Sometimes it takes the thousandth option to get all the way to the end.
6. Next comes a promise to yourself that you will not give up. Now that the options have been calculated, you don’t have to be upset about failures. The strategist foresaw this and prepared a plan B. There is no disappointment component. Emotions can lead you astray. They are good in certain situations, but not here.
7. A strategist knows how to make emotions serve him. There are only two options: eliminate them completely, using reason rather than feelings, or use them. You can hang a photo of your least favorite fat relative on the refrigerator - and this will force you to stick to your diet. Every day you can remember your difficult childhood in poverty and go to work, climb the career ladder. Man considers himself a rational being. But when his emotions control him, he looks no better than a kitten chasing its tail in rage. Destroy or subjugate: this is what successful people do with their feelings.
8. Next, the strategist’s thinking comes into play and the details are thought out.
9. The implementation stage begins. The strategist at this stage continues to be guided by his own plan. Analyzes it. Makes adjustments if necessary.

At first glance, this seems like a simple task. But in reality, such discipline is not possible for everyone. It’s good if there is a person around who can teach this by example. If not, you can always take the heroes of films and TV series as an example. Sherlock Holmes thought constructively. He is a model of impartiality. Another example is the image of Sheldon Cooper from the popular TV series “The Big Bang Theory”. His thinking is borderline fantastic.

Teaching children

When raising a child, do not forget to teach him the correct ability to listen and respect the interlocutor. This training involves controlling your own speech. Children repeat everything after the people around them. Try to ensure that your communication with your child is the same as with an adult. When communicating with their parents, children must learn to live, being able to argue and defend their point of view. Let them take the initiative. Do not interrupt, despite the absurdity of the statement. Listen to him to the end, carefully and thoroughly explain the wrong to the child. Teach him to defend his point of view.

How to understand that you have a chaotic type of thinking

Having read the article to this point, everyone was already thinking: “What’s wrong with me? Do I have constructive thinking? It is so simple. Or not?". To answer this question, analyze how you usually speak and solve problems.

A simple test will help you understand your way of thinking:

1. During a conversation, are you distracted by insignificant details and trifles?
2. How long does it take you to explain your thoughts?
3. Do you start the story with the Mesozoic era? (This means whether you start it from the very essence or, as in the fairy tale: “We lived, we didn’t grieve”).
4. Are you distracted by extraneous thoughts, changing the topic of conversation?
5. Do you ever analyze other people's thoughts about your idea? (People who are closed to other people's opinions are limited. It is not necessary to accept someone else's point of view, but if you are offered an alternative option that may turn out to be productive advice, an intelligent person will definitely listen).
6. Don't plan your day in advance?

If you answered yes to at least one of the questions, you should work on yourself. This means that your type of thinking is close to chaotic. More than three positive answers mean that your thinking is chaotic.

When is criticism appropriate?

It’s worth expressing your opinion about a person’s work or actions if you want to help him and not to insult or offend him. If a person posts the result of his activities online or presents them to colleagues, he should prepare for comments in advance, listen to them carefully and thank them for the help provided. When evaluating any subject or activity, a critic needs to determine whether he is the target audience and whether he has the right to evaluate this work, since there is a possibility that the shortcomings he identifies will be insignificant and will not affect anything.

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Criticism is allowed to those people who will subsequently interact with the opponent and deal with his unfinished mistakes.

The main feature of all judgments is the relevance of the opinion and the understanding that it will benefit the person being criticized and will not offend him. This behavior should be followed when commenting on a person’s appearance. It’s stupid to assume that she will immediately make an appointment with a stylist just because she was told about it. Criticism should be where without it complete failure can occur.

Development of thinking

Practical exercises will help you develop the right way of thinking. What is needed for this? Just start. With the understanding that it won’t work out the first time or even the hundredth time. You will practice for a long time before you notice that emotions no longer rule your life.

Start with simple everyday situations. I don't feel like washing dishes. Analyze the situation, engage constructive thinking. Perhaps you will realize that it is more advisable to wash the dishes immediately after eating, without leaving them for later under the pretext of soaking and busyness. Moreover, washing dishes is a time of relaxation. When you wash a plate, think only about the plate. Learn to turn off your thoughts. Afterwards, praise yourself for washing right away.

Any unpleasant situation can and should be used for good. And constructive thinking will help with this.

Ways to create the right dialogue

What methods and techniques can you use to create a constructive dialogue:

1. Be on the same wavelength as your interlocutor.
2. Emphasize your respect for your opponent.
3. Find common ground.
4. Show interest in problems.
5. Listen to the person.
6. Show emotions through gestures and touch.
7. Speak clearly and specifically.

Applying these rules will help build a correct and clear dialogue.

Grouping topics

For convenience, you can mentally compile a library of topics. If you are talking about work, then the topic should not switch to personal issues. If you analyze the situation, do not think about the upcoming renovation or movie. Clear your internal dialogue of debris. Only pure constructivism of thinking. When you are no longer working, but just walking in the park, you can allow yourself to think about something detached. But even then, do not forget about control. There should be no porridge in your head - pure thoughts on a certain topic. When it is exhausted, move on to another. Thinking needs control.

The main differences between these two varieties

Constructive judgments contribute to self-development, while destructive ones destroy aspirations and cause mental wounds. The main feature of valid criticism is the provision of valuable advice for correcting mistakes and improving performance.

Negative reproaches are based on insults and aggression; such appraisers are not responsible for their words, which hurt and reduce self-esteem. If you encounter such an individual, try to avoid communicating with him, this way you will maintain your calm and your confidence will not suffer.

Actions that do not relate to objective judgment:

• Intimidation. Not allowed: “If you don’t clean your room, you’ll go hungry.” Allowed: “Clean up the house, while I prepare dinner.”
• Insults. You can’t: “You look very bad, haven’t you washed your hair again?” In general, one should not evaluate external data.
• Subjectivity. Don't criticize your friend for her taste, dreams and goals.

How constructive thinking affects health

There are several changes that will happen to you if you learn constructive thinking. Everyone who took such training or mastered the art on their own spoke about them.

1. The person becomes calmer. His thoughts come into order. He begins to plan his day.
2. People around notice changes in the gait, posture and gestures of such people. But this does not happen immediately. Psychologists notice such things in their patients who have persistently trained their way of thinking for several weeks.
3. Panic attacks and neuroses recede, and VSD partially goes away. A person no longer gives in to panic, does not look for diseases that he heard about yesterday from the news.
4. Many women and men finally manage to go on a diet and lose excess weight. People begin to control themselves better.
5. Some somatic diseases and symptoms of asthenia disappear.
6. Sleep improves and a person feels more alert. Especially if you paid attention to your health: included sports and proper nutrition in your daily to-do list.
7. People who were terrified of doctors get rid of their fears and undergo preventive examinations on time.

Such results are achieved by those who are persistent, those who do not give up what they started. If a person manages to control his thinking, his emotions can also be controlled.

Thought is an intermediate link in the eternal struggle between reason and feelings. And when reason wins, a person’s life improves.

Emotional stress during communication

It is necessary to conduct a constructive dialogue with a cool mind, without excessive emotions and feelings. Excessive emotions can lead to loss of control over the situation.

To relieve emotional stress, there are the following techniques:

• do not use defense and attack tactics;
• formulate your thoughts in such a way as not to evoke a desire to defend yourself;
• do not make excuses, this shows weakness;
• explain your point of view calmly and thoroughly;
• eliminate the source of negativity;
• show your readiness to understand your opponent;
• Don't focus on your needs.

How to learn to convert positive into constructive

Constructive thinking almost completely eliminates negativism. A person cannot give in to sad thoughts and feel sorry for himself, because this is of no use, like milk from a goat. Wanting to invigorate and motivate itself, the mind will rather find positive moments in any situation. And positivity turns into constructivism. In fairness, it is worth noting that the engine can be not only a carrot, but also a stick. But it is wiser to use positive reinforcement more often - you are not your own enemy.

Example. You are tired and want to put off some work until tomorrow. But this will affect your earnings. Positive reinforcement: You figure out what to buy for yourself with the extra money. This idea brings joy. You don't want to lose her. Here's an incentive to work on the weekend! Next is a simple action plan to get everything done: organizational issues. So the positive turned into constructive.

Destructive criticism

This is an indication of the opponent’s shortcomings for selfish purposes. Such a critic has no desire to help; he does it to offend the person.

The main reasons for such unfounded reproaches.

• Manipulation. Manipulative influence on a person is aimed at persuading him to take actions beneficial to the critic.
• Envy. Even if it is a flawless job, envious people will still find flaws and point them out, even if it is not true.
• Non-standard. If any opponent does everything differently from others, there will be a large number of people who want to unreasonably criticize him.
• Bias. The critic is completely confident in the truthfulness of his thoughts and does not give the opportunity to refute them.

Methods

Let's look at techniques that will help you learn constructive thinking.

• Complete control over emotions.

Let it upset you that your boss yelled at you in the morning. Away with self-pity and theatrical digressions. You simply solve important problems, go to his office and resolve the situation to the end.

• “No” to fear.

If you feel a symptom of any disease, turn off the panic. What symptoms should the patient have? Do you have them or is it all the result of wild imagination? If symptoms persist for a while and there is no explanation, just get checked. Don't panic and write a will. Feelings are almost always unnecessary. Because they are not constructive.

• Plan your time from start to finish.

You should always know what you will be doing tomorrow and in a month. If plans change, adapt, keep the basics. It should be prepared in advance. It goes like this: a lot can change, but even if the world ends, you'll still do 50 sit-ups and clean the house. This is the basis of constructive thinking.

Why are we so sensitive to criticism?

Many studies have concluded that praise has a positive effect on the result, but various types of comments have a negative effect. We react to reproaches more sharply and remember them faster than compliments. One of the reasons for this phenomenon is evolution. During the evolutionary period, we learned to quickly respond to negative stimuli. In the wild, such signals portend mortal danger, so it is necessary to respond sharply to them in order to survive. Now everything has changed, but we react to troubles in the same way - emotionally and strongly.

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The next reason why we are overwhelmed with emotions when someone criticizes us is a new experience. We have a negative attitude towards stimuli that are unusual for us.

Character is our enemy!

So, the effectiveness of resolving a conflict situation largely depends on the possession of competent communication techniques. But it should be noted that mastery of constructive communication techniques also depends on our character. If you tend to show only confrontational strategies in resolving contradictions, then, unfortunately, you are a conflict person. Your psychological characteristics are such that you tend to blame other people for your failures and constant clashes with colleagues. You see conflict where there is none, and when you provoke a conflict through your own actions, you transfer all claims to others. It is much easier for owners of this character to blame another “for all sins” than to pay attention to the problems of their own behavior and communication with others.

The first thing to advise such a person is to turn his powerful energy of critical analysis on himself. It is important to ask yourself questions:

“What did I do to make this conflict arise?”;

“What traits of my character cause dissatisfaction among people around me, wherever I work?!”

The beginning of positive self-change in communication lies in the ability for communicative reflection - the ability to see oneself from the outside, from the position of an external observer. Reflection (from Latin reflexio - turning back) is not just knowledge or understanding of a partner, but knowledge of how a person reacts to our words and actions, a kind of doubled process of mirror relationships with each other.

It is important to try to understand: what does this other person feel, what does he think, what consequences can have harsh and offensive words that the conflicting person shouts out in a state of anger and with a distorted face or pronounces in a threatening whisper?

In order to develop internal means of communicative reflection, several exercises can be used.

Exercise “Through the eyes of a friend.” Instructions from a psychologist

We all need friendly communication with people whom we value and accept, who understand us and can come to our aid. It’s good if such people are nearby all the time and are ready to respond to our problems and questions. But in real life this rarely happens. In this case, you can take the advice of an imaginary friend whom you trust and whose opinion you value.

Describe to him your latest conflict situation. Ask him to analyze it from the perspective of your participation in the conflict. It will be good if a friend can talk openly with you about your “contribution” to the conflict: what did you do to make the conflict begin and flare up, what traits of your character cause tension in relationships with people, why does this happen?

Ask your imaginary friend for advice: what can you do in such a situation? After all, you want to be successful in your professional activities and strive for mutual understanding with colleagues. How to resolve conflict situations? How does your friend act if he experiences similar incidents? Discuss with your imaginary assistant possible actions to change yourself.

Performing psychotechnical exercises and mastering constructive communication techniques will help you more effectively cope with emerging conflict situations and skillfully manage your behavior. It is important to understand yourself in time, to learn to control your emotions in the process of daily communication with family and colleagues: after all, we want to live long and happily and work successfully. All in our hands. The main desire.