How to understand that your husband is cheating and deceiving: ways to check, what you should pay attention to

How to understand that a guy is lying in a relationship, about feelings, cheating? Verbal and nonverbal signs of lying. A complete manual with rationale and techniques.

The relationship between a man and a woman is a subject for discussion not only among psychologists, but also philosophers, sociologists and various types of researchers. In fact, they have a lot to talk about, given that this is an issue that goes back deep into history. Everyone builds their relationships differently, types, varieties, everything changes over time, but the essence remains the same. Love, family, procreation and everyday life.

However, as we know, all people lie. This is not a whim or a compulsion, but just human nature. The lies can be different, ranging from the fact that he forgot to put on the laundry at home, ending with the fact that he supposedly went on a business trip, but in fact spends time with someone else.

So how can you determine that your boyfriend has started lying and, worse, cheating on you? Next, we will take a closer look at how your young man lies to you: in phone calls, correspondence, SMS messages, in life, whether he lies about his feelings for you, whether he lies when he says that he loves you, and also consider the advice of psychologists and physiologists. Let's get started.

Attention to detail

First of all, it is worth noticing the little things. From them not only the whole picture is built, but it is from them that one can determine the “frequency” of lies. This is how a man lies most often. Oddly enough, women most often lie about little things related to everyday life, while men lie about everything that has to do with their personal life.

What is the easiest way to “catch” such a liar, how to understand that a guy is lying and cheating? It’s very simple, psychologists advise paying attention to the details of the “noodles” that they diligently hang on your ears. During a dialogue with a man, for example, in response to the question “where have you been?”, he will begin to colorfully describe how he was late at work, then got stuck in a traffic jam, and also the clueless neighbor’s children rode the elevator for about 20 minutes, and getting up “I’m so tired” .

Just ask, after this whole tirade, to tell everything in reverse order. The fact is that the human brain is designed in such a way that it is much easier for him to invent than to remember, and when telling a story “on the contrary”, your companion will begin to frantically remember what exactly he lied, will begin to stutter, get confused, stammer, his eyes will run around, his hands will sweat and etc., it’s easier to determine that the guy is lying. These are all clear signs of a liar.

How can you tell if a man is lying to you with questions?

Breathes like a locomotive

For every liar, deception is a stressful situation. The blood rushes to the face, the pressure jumps, the pulse quickens. It is these indicators that are considered during a polygraph study. The machine measures your heart rate and blood pressure and then gives its verdict.

But let's leave this device for specialists. You better use your wits and observation skills. If the spouse breathes quickly during standard questions, and a blush appears on his cheeks, he is hiding something.

Asking the right questions

A question, not an interrogation, is important. No one, under any circumstances, encourages you to tie your significant other to a chair and, with a soldering iron in your hand, “extort” the coveted truth, poking it in all possible and impossible places. Everything is much simpler. To understand or determine that a guy is cheating, just start asking him leading questions, unobtrusively. An honest person will answer in detail and in order, without nerves and psychosis; on the contrary, a liar will twitch, get angry and avoid answering by any means.

Mumbling and stalling for time

«Darling, why didn't you answer my call last night?

?,” you ask insistently.
And suddenly your eloquent and verbose man begins to mumble like a poor student at the blackboard: “ Uh-uh... Well, you understand, this is the thing...
”. He deliberately drawls out his words, inserts interjections, trying frantically to come up with a more or less true story.

When cheating, you will also notice how the man mostly uses adjectives rather than verbs in his justification speech. This means that he does not remember yesterday’s real events, but composes another story.

Behavior and sudden mood changes

A “jumping” mood is the moment to find out if a guy is lying about his feelings or even cheating. Psychologists usually attribute mood swings to the fair half of the population, but they do this very recklessly. Now I’ll explain how, imagine a situation... A guy comes home from his friend’s birthday party. There are no visible signs of betrayal, such as the smell of perfume from a shirt, traces of lipstick, but there is no limit to your doubts. You sit down next to him and begin to ask him what was there, how you noted, who was there, and if your partner begins to fidget, actively gesticulate, and at the end of the story he suddenly changes in mood, changing the topic of the dialogue, you can definitely be sure. He's lying.

One of the most obvious signs of infidelity

If the husband decides to cheat, the last thing he wants to do is talk to his wife about his action. When you see the first signs of your husband’s betrayal, be sure to talk to him about it. He will begin to avoid the conversation by any means and do everything possible to take the conversation in a different direction.

The spouse may begin to blame his partner for lack of trust, but you should not consider yourself to blame for this. As mentioned above, if intuition tells you that the husband is walking “to the left,” then that’s the way it is. After all, having lived with a person side by side for many years, you feel and understand this perfectly. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Gestures and facial expressions

One of the most reliable methods and an obvious “innate” traitor. In this regard, pay attention to small children: when they lie, very often immediately after this, they cover their mouth with their hand. This is evidence of a lie. The same thing works with an adult, despite the fact that over the years this aspect becomes less and less noticeable. So, whether a guy is lying or not can be understood by the following non-verbal signs:

1. Eyes

As the sages said, “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” They are capable of revealing not only lies, but also 90% of the spectrum of all human emotions that lie within (all poker players are virtuoso liars, but even they wear opaque glasses when sitting at the table and playing). Let's find out how to find out if a guy is lying about feelings, cheating, etc. according to the “mirror of the soul” - the eyes.

There are quite a lot of aspects here, from the pupil to the direction of gaze. Now, in order. As you know, pupils enlarge when a person looks at something he likes and decrease during stress. So they also decrease at the moment of lying, due to the fact that a person will be scared if he “gets caught”, so this is how you can understand whether a man is lying to you about something or not. As for the direction of the gaze, probably many people know the expression “the eyes were running”, so don’t be categorical, if this happens to your interlocutor, it’s not always a lie. According to scientific “physiognomists,” a person lies only in those cases when his gaze is directed upward to the left and straight to the left; in other cases, he remembers real sensations, events and sounds.

1. Arms and shoulders

Restless hand movements and lack of perseverance indicate that your young man is lying. In addition to the fingers, which indicate excitement, twitching and rising shoulders can also give it away. Nervousness, uncertainty and lies.

1. Lips

Another “traitor” who will give you a traitor. Everything matters here, from the shape to the angle of the corners of the lips. They can change in a second, so it is important to “catch” this change in facial expressions. Fear, contempt, excitement and anger, your lips will give it all away. So, for example, if a person purses his lips when talking to you, it means he is keeping silent about something.

True, it’s not worth looking at his lips under a magnifying glass to find out whether he’s lying or not. It is enough to pay attention to this from time to time. If your partner is embarrassed by your views, just say that he has “juicy lips.” This will definitely turn him on.

1. Body

In addition to the unilateral movement of the arms, it should also be noted that this applies to the entire body and more. For example, if a person, when answering a question, takes a step back and crosses his arms in his chest, this indicates uncertainty in what was said. If your arms and legs are initially in a “closed” position, it means your interlocutor doesn’t particularly want to have a dialogue.

Also, if a person puts his hand forward when talking to you, but his palm remains open, it means he wants to abruptly end this topic of conversation. A very “talking” gesture is a raised finger, it is simultaneously regarded as intimidation (pay attention to the eyes) and as arrogance. By the way, the latter also includes a raised chin.

1. Nose

This moment of facial expressions and gestures is called Pinocio syndrome. A simple and “popular” movement among men has a very funny name. When they speak and lie, their nose often “itches.” A clear sign of a liar. For example, you asked “do you love me?” to understand whether he was lying about his feelings, to which they heard, “yes, of course,” and he immediately began scratching his nose - which means he doesn’t really love, as he says. You stop building pink castles and enjoy life without him. Just don't bend it too much. Suddenly he has a runny nose.

How to break up a cheater in a relationship

Physiognomy lesson

“I can see in your eyes that you are lying” - this is a phrase parents often say to their children, realizing that their child is a little liar. It would seem that such a trick would not work with adults. But no. Anyone who is at least a little familiar with physiognomy can understand where the lie is and where the truth is. Even in voice and gestures. Well here are some examples.

Another useful article: How family quarrels affect children

Eyes

Someone who is calm and does not intend to deceive looks like this:

• right-down (a sign of confidence);
• right-straight (memory of sounds);
• right-up (visual memory);
• left-down (memories of sensations and smells).

Anyone who wants to lie will look like this:

• left to top (a sign of fantasy, unrealistic pictures);
• left-straight (about to voice the deception).

And only straight-looking eyes are a sign that a person is listening carefully to his counterpart. By the way, at this time a man can study your view of lies and truth.

How to create “stress” for a liar and why?

No one is asking to portray Freddy Krueger in order to scare a potential liar and expose him in a lie. In order not to fall for the bait, it is enough to do (unexpectedly, of course) just a couple of actions. They will confuse your interlocutor and it will be more difficult for him to invent anything for you.

• Violate his personal space. Imagine what a shock this is, your husband or boyfriend comes home later than usual, tries to justify himself, and at that moment you come close to him. An effect of surprise is created and it is more difficult for the brain to find excuses, but if your partner tells the truth, then he will not be embarrassed at all.
• Take a higher position. You can sit on a hill or rise above your interlocutor (when changing shoes, for example), which will create a kind of intimidating effect and put the insidious liar in a stupor.
• Don't shout or blame him for anything. This will rather “lead” the liar away from the subject of the dialogue, which will not allow you to “catch” him on the “hook”, because in the future he is unlikely to want to return to this conversation. It’s better to listen to him calmly and ask him again from time to time, and the “smaller” the details are, the more difficult it will be for a liar.

Bites his lip

«Why did you come so late?

“, you ask your husband, who showed up in the morning and didn’t warn you that he would be late.
“ You can’t imagine what happened!
I saw a stray dog ​​with a broken leg on the road. I wanted to take the poor guy to the vet, but not a single taxi driver wanted to take us. I had to help myself... ,” the hero tells the tales with gusto, biting his lower lip.

Psychologists believe that such a gesture signals a lie. And the liar himself does not believe in what he says. Therefore, he subconsciously tries to close his mouth so that the truth does not break out.

So why are they lying to us?

This question is asked by the “lion’s” part of the beautiful half of the population. But in fact, “Why?”, “Why?”... It all depends on the degree of the lie itself. If it is small, then most likely your partner did not want to inconvenience you, make you worry, or appear a little better than he really is. This could be a simple exaggeration of achievements or concealment of information that can later harm you. In this case, you should not check whether the guy is lying or not. You need to clearly understand that deception will not always be based on betrayal.

If the lie is serious, then most likely, in addition to the fact that he is simply avoiding conflict, he also experiences tender feelings not only for you. Also, if the lie concerns the financial aspect of life together, then this can be called either “preparation” for a surprise or banal greed.

How to tell if a guy is lying via SMS

How does a man feel after a divorce?

And such a man, accustomed to lying to his wife, gets divorced. Contrary to the popular belief that divorce is more difficult for women, the psychology of family relationships says the opposite. In our society, it is customary to give all sympathy on this matter to the fairer sex, and, on the contrary, to blame men for what happened. But it should be taken into account that men cannot allow themselves to grieve openly; they have to carry all their experiences within themselves, which is doubly difficult. During this period they experience feelings such as:

• feeling of loss;
• loneliness;
• mental pain;
• bitterness for lost years;
• disappointment.

A man has to push negative emotions deep inside, and lie to those around him that everything is fine with him, which results in depression, alcoholism and somatic illnesses. If communication between spouses has been maintained, then the habit of lying remains, only the motivation for this is different. An attentive, albeit ex-wife, will easily understand that her ex-husband is lying, based on facial expressions, gestures and intonation.

How can you tell if he is lying via SMS or over the phone?

Well, now we come to the highlight, the type of lie that is most difficult to recognize. Why, you ask? But because it is so impossible to see the interlocutor and understand exactly when and what he is lying about. Let's find out how to understand that a man/boyfriend is lying via SMS or phone:

1. Long sentences

It would seem that this is a “so-so” sign, but if you think about it, it is completely justified. The partner has time to think, come up with ideas, consult with someone, or warn someone. After which he dumps a lot of information on your head, which is worked out in great detail, and you honestly believe it. But this point should only be an addition to the others in order to accurately find out whether a man is lying to you or not.

1. Replays

When a guy or husband starts saying everything two or three times, not only is it annoying, it is also an obvious sign of lying! “Who is she?” - “Yes, just a classmate. At the alumni meeting we still agreed to meet. We just studied together."

1. Silence

When you ask a series of direct questions, or ask for something, and your partner simply ignores or writes something that has nothing in common with the information you convey, rest assured. Lie.

1. Pressures on pity and conscience

If, when talking on the phone or in SMS correspondence, He says something like “This is what you think of me, well, everything is clear with you” and everything in the same vein, trying to subconsciously put pressure on you, you know, he’s a liar, a liar, a liar. Yes, yes, like in the comedy of the same name with Jim Carrey.

1. "Throwing" arrows

If, for example, to your question “Did you delete the correspondence?”, a guy or spouse answers “Why always me?!”, you should know that this is how he diverts unnecessary attention from himself, which means that, correctly, it’s a lie.

1. Change of intonation

While talking on the phone, in the absence of the opportunity to see this “shameless face,” pay attention not only to all of the above signs, but also to the way he says it all. Changes in intonation and tone are also of great importance.

Why does my ex-husband avoid communication?

In many cases, after a divorce, a man tries to break off relations with his former family. This usually happens when the husband initiates the separation. He is burdened by constant quarrels and an eternally dissatisfied wife. He is getting a divorce to gain freedom and does not want to hear anything about his ex-wife. Resentment towards his wife also interferes with communication with his children, while he either lies or does not speak to anyone at all. Often after a divorce, men go to their mistresses, now devoting all their energy and time to building new relationships and a new family. This is another reason why ex-husbands do not communicate with their previous families, they simply do not have time.

When a man tells a woman: “You are my only one,” girls, know that he is lying! Even if a man has the most beautiful woman, he still looks to the left. Still looking. It's in our nature. How can I explain it to you without offending anyone... In short, even if you have been vacationing in the Maldives all your life, you still want to go fishing for a day in Astrakhan. If you eat marbled beef, it’s still once a year, up, and fell for dumplings. Later, of course, you will regret it, but you ate. And when I ate it, I liked it. Pavel Volya

Another reason that forces men to break off relations with their ex-wife and children is regular employment. After all, they now have a different way of life, they must manage to do all the things themselves, both at home and at work.

Reasons for male infidelity

Only complete womanizers cheat without reason, with whom either those who are ready to turn a blind eye to infidelity or too naive women connect their fate. In other cases, after decades of marriage, wives themselves can become the reason for the cooling of passion. After all, marriage is a constant work on oneself and relationships. The strength of the union and the monogamy of a man completely depend on the woman, on her wisdom and experience. And no matter how unpleasant it may sound, you need to know the provoking factors and be on alert:

• Routine and fatigue. A husband is not an addition to the family; he does not become property after being registered at the registry office. This is a living person with his own shortcomings, emotions and desires. Often, especially after the birth of a child, a wife distances herself from her husband, turning him into an addition to the budget, forgetting about the need to be desired. In more than half of the cases, during the maternity period, men stare at the young and carefree, relaxing in fleeting affairs and replenishing their sexual dissatisfaction in them.
• Frequent business trips. A job that involves constant travel tests a couple. Men cannot live without sexual intercourse for long, and the more often and longer the absences occur, especially to the same places, the higher the chance of ceasing to be the only one. The only exceptions can be considered workers of drilling wells, who fly to uninhabited places, contacting only male colleagues for months at a time. But this is more due to lack of opportunity.
• Wild life. In a couple where the man freely enjoys gatherings with friends in the evenings, often drinks or has other bad habits, cheating is only a matter of time.
• Lack of variety. Differences in sexual temperament cannot but be a problem. If a wife has enough sex once a week and according to a monotonous program, and her husband wants new positions, toys and role-playing games, then, having not received what he wanted on the marital bed, go elsewhere.

Sign 9. Money will tell the truth

Adultery requires not only a lot of time, but also money. The deceiver can pay for meetings in hotels and gifts for his lover using the card, but this will be too noticeable. Pay attention to your spouse's expenses, namely the history of cash withdrawals and online transfers, because an unfaithful partner sometimes makes secret purchases through friends. To do this, he asks a friend to order the necessary item, and then transfers money for it. So, other halves think that their spouse simply returned or lent the amount to his friend.

Adultery at a distance

The development of social networks and the availability of cellular communications have led to the fact that infidelity occurs virtually. The husband does not physically engage in sexual contact with his partner, but he does engage in indiscreet conversations, exchange intimate photographs, or communicate via video chat.

As a rule, the spouse hides his hobby from his family. Virtual sex is an affordable way to realize sophisticated fantasies. Rarely do such acquaintances develop into something more, but they significantly influence the sphere of intimate interests.

Signs of virtual betrayal:

• The desire to spend night and evening hours at the computer.
• Gadgets have additional passwords.
• Flashes of jealousy appear, although this has not been observed before.

Intimate life with your wife after virtual sex may seem boring. The husband will not discuss fantasies realized on the Internet with his lifelong friend.

If one time is enough for him to satisfy sexual fantasies on the Internet, nothing threatens the family. But when betrayal at a distance is repeated repeatedly, intimacy with your wife becomes less and less common. A man may become addicted. It requires special therapy.

Sign 1. Friends have become enemies

An unexplained change in relationships with a partner's friends can be a significant sign of adultery. Sometimes a cheater turns those around him against his chosen one in order to somehow justify his betrayal. It also happens that acquaintances stop communicating with their friend’s significant other because they project his behavior onto themselves, and they feel awkward in the presence of their deceived spouse.

A Reddit user with the nickname caramel311 said that one of the reasons why she suspected her husband of cheating was the unreasonable irritability and hate from his friends.

All his friends start hating me for some unknown reason, talking bad about me to my face and behind my back and wishing for me to die. It turned out that he was on dating sites and planned to send me 700 kilometers to another state against my will and continue a relationship with another woman in his city, send me money weekly and visit me on weekends to create the illusion of marriage. Yes, this man was my husband. Now ex.

Symptom 5: Check seat position

Some deceived boys and girls found signs of the presence of a stranger not only in the house, but also in their partner’s car. While in your loved one's car, check the seat back and legroom. If there are changes, then probably a person of a different build was sitting in your place. It is possible that the spouse could give a ride to a friend or colleague, but when the chair is constantly adjusted to a certain position, it is worth thinking about. Perhaps your significant other picked up a passenger they don't want to tell you about.

Sign 2. Cheap gifts from relatives

One of the warning signs of an impending separation is cheap gifts from the partner’s relatives. Perhaps things have gone so far that your significant other has decided to break off the relationship, and his/her close circle already knows about it. Why would they then spend money on a person who will soon be abandoned? Most likely, the parents of the cheater will give the current chosen one an inexpensive trinket, because the absence of a gift would reveal the betrayal ahead of time.

So, one guy (joestele) suspected something was wrong during a holiday in the house of the girl’s relatives after they gave him a cheap thing.

Her parents were quite wealthy and always gave us the best Christmas gifts. One Christmas, as usual, she received an expensive gift, and I received something that cost nothing at all. Two days later I discovered that she was cheating with my best friend. Her parents knew.

Sign 7. Do fingerprinting, fingerprints don’t lie

For secret meetings, cheaters often use a car, which means there may be traces there. Carefully inspect the front panel of the car - you may find palm or fingerprints on the dusty surface. Sometimes lovers leave secret messages in the form of inscriptions and drawings that easily appear on foggy glass. Breathe on the windows, including those near the rear seats, to detect them.

How I found out about my boyfriend's cheating. The window fogged up and this appeared. “I never draw on windows,” the TikToker with the nickname yana_n174 signed the video.

Comments:

• 12.04.2019

  Anna:

  There are such skillful deceivers that you will never declassify their lies. I recommend that all women communicate closely with all of your man’s close friends, then any questions will not confuse anyone. Also take an interest in a man’s life; hiding a large amount of information and building a complex chain of lies is much more difficult than hiding one fact.

• 18.04.2019

  Alyona:

  When you constantly communicate with a person, you begin to distinguish moments that are uncharacteristic of his usual behavior, increased excitement and insincerity. But it is useless to prove anything to him at this moment.

• 12.07.2019

  Galina:

  Good advice, but nowadays it’s extremely difficult to catch a guy cheating. I dated someone for three years, he claimed that he was a student and was studying at one of the local universities. He supposedly left in the morning to study and came back in the evening. He had dinner and sat for a long time at his laptop, claiming that he was preparing for school, writing coursework and so on. And then the truth was revealed - he was expelled 2.5 years ago! And all this time he cleverly fooled me by visiting his mistress during the day!

• 23.07.2019

  Lera:

  If you suspect that you are being deceived, then ask as many leading questions as possible.

Sign 6. The number on the odometer is evidence

The partner said that he had been working too long, but there were 50 extra kilometers on his odometer, although the office is located in the next block - what is not a reason to suspect at least fraud? Look carefully at the instrument panel, namely, at the daily mileage of the car. As a rule, if the chosen one uses the car only to travel to work, then the number of kilometers traveled will be approximately the same. But an increase in numbers may indicate secrets on the part of a spouse.

Odometer

Why know about treason?

Before you close this article, think - what will knowing whether a man cheated on you? What will you do if your husband cheats? Kick him out? Will you leave on your own? Or will you try to figure out what caused the betrayal? Will you save your family? Or will you say that he is a lustful animal unworthy of your heart?

You must be prepared for any development of events. This does not mean that you cannot trust your husband. Trust is a must. But it is much easier to trust if you do it not out of despair, but of your own free will. When you are not afraid of the world around you, it is easier to trust people. Before labeling yourself a traitor, try to figure out what’s going on in your husband’s soul. The article Myths about male psychology and men will help you

Family relationships should be built on trust. But you can't force yourself to trust. It is impossible to learn to believe in the integrity of your spouse by checking your phone every day.

There are so many reasons for cheating! What exactly led a particular man to the fall – even he himself may not know. What matters is not whether the husband cheats. What matters is whether he wants to change. Even if a man lived his whole life without looking at others, but secretly hating his wife, can such a marriage be considered happy?