Definition of the term
Self-criticism is a quality for which there are several definitions. For example, this term implies a sober assessment by the individual himself of various life conditions, recognition of mistakes and misdeeds. This quality is manifested in a critical attitude towards one’s own “I”. Some psychologists believe that self-criticism is the absence of egoism and the presence of self-esteem.
Summary
- Self-criticism is an ingrained habit. It does not always reflect your real state.
- Self-criticism does much more harm than good. It depresses and saddens you.
- It is within your power to learn to get rid of excessive self-criticism. Treat it as a feature of your thinking, and not a reflection of your personality.
- Negative thoughts can be questioned. You can learn to notice these thoughts and their impact on your emotional and physical state or behavior. You can find a more balanced and gentle response to certain situations.
- You can and should experiment with your perception of yourself: positive, less harsh; as if you are addressing not yourself, but another person.
Author: Melanie Fennell, Professor of Clinical Psychology, Warrenford Medical Centre, University of Oxford.
The material is published in an abbreviated translation from English. ATTENTION!
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Advantages
Let's try to identify those distinctive characteristics that can be considered the advantages of this quality.
Self-criticism and modesty are those distinctive qualities that are increasingly rare in the modern generation.
The following can be noted as the advantages of such a person:
- self-improvement involves certain efforts made by a person to acquire new knowledge;
- the ability to recognize one’s own shortcomings allows one to adjust one’s own actions to achieve results in a certain area of activity;
- people with healthy self-esteem analyze their actions, draw correct conclusions, and eliminate problems and errors.
Self-criticism is respect not only for yourself, but also for the people around you. Only a person capable of self-analysis can admit his own mistakes and compromise with his interlocutor.
How to Eliminate Excessive Self-Criticism
As stated above, unhealthy self-criticism leads to self-blame, depression, fear of repeating past mistakes and painful rumination over the current situation. Therefore, you need to get rid of it as soon as possible. There are six effective ways to solve this problem:
- Self-criticism is an objective assessment of advantages and disadvantages. Write them down on a blank sheet of paper. Ask your family and friends to do the same. Compare and analyze records. Maybe you are too self-critical of yourself?
- Learn to accept yourself with good and bad qualities. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Work on your weaknesses. But remember, this takes time.
- Looking at yourself from the outside will help you get rid of excessive self-criticism. But not through the prism of other people's assessments. Don't forget: you can't be good to everyone. Therefore, remain yourself, do not strive to meet other people's expectations.
- Listen to the opinions of others, but don't live by them. This is a good way to get rid of self-criticism. People evaluate you using their own views and idea of an ideal person. If you try to match him, you will lose your individuality, inner harmony and yourself as a person.
- You always need to develop. But there are times when this is not possible. Don't blame yourself, don't humiliate or criticize yourself for it. Do what you can at the moment.
- Self-criticism should be fun. Don't become dependent on the result. Celebrate even small successes.
And, probably, the most important advice. Don't look for flaws in yourself. Pay attention to good qualities and achievements. Appreciate what you have now.
Flaws
In addition to numerous positive parameters, this personality trait also has certain disadvantages.
Self-criticism, modesty, and pride characterize a person who is overly demanding of himself. This leads to self-humiliation and provokes depression. A situation arises in which a person begins to see only negative qualities in himself and does not notice his best sides. With prolonged self-flagellation, various mental pathologies arise; not everyone manages to get out of depression on their own.
Objective and subjective criticism
There are significant differences between the two types of criticism. Signs of objective criticism:
- evaluates facts;
- gives accurate information.
Subjective criticism gives an overall assessment based on one fact.
A clear example of both types of reasoning is a person who considers himself worthless. This is a subjective opinion. Perhaps it was imposed by society or by some of the people around us. If you look at the facts, everything will not be so scary. The person managed to build a career, created a strong family or founded a thriving business. This is how an objective view of things manifests itself.
Statements about self-criticism
The characters of many literary works created by domestic and foreign writers have this quality. Examples of self-criticism - statements of great philosophers, scientists, artists and poets - indicate how often talented and gifted people think about this quality.
For example, Socrates said that he only knows “that he knows nothing.” Of particular interest is Oblomov’s self-criticism in Goncharov’s novel. The main character of this work constantly analyzes his actions and treats himself with disdain.
Many people in society imagine themselves as victims, do not want to admit their own mistakes, and do not plan to correct them.
How to criticize yourself correctly
So, what is human self-criticism? This is the ability to objectively evaluate oneself as a person. You look at all thoughts and actions through the prism of beliefs, values and priorities. You see mistakes and look for ways to correct them.
But what if self-criticism develops into self-flagellation? There are eight effective ways to correct the situation.
Be honest with yourself
What does self-criticism mean? First of all, it is honesty with yourself. There is no point in deceiving yourself. Learn to at least tell yourself the truth. This will help to properly educate your conscience, making it your best assistant. Only in this case will she protect from wrong words and actions.
Don't despise yourself
Always respect yourself. Mistakes, failures and setbacks happen to every person. But they should not reduce your self-esteem and affect your self-confidence. Remember that self-criticism is a direct path to change for the better.
Don't criticize wrong actions. Assess your personality, develop it, learn. But under no circumstances destroy your inner harmony.
Curb your EGO
It is a well-known fact that every action has a motivation or reason. And it can be good or bad. For example, you can take a case when you treat a person friendly solely for selfish reasons, you are friends with him for the sake of some benefit for yourself. Such cases are not rare. But is this right?
Notice such motives in yourself. Don't be fooled into thinking this behavior is correct. This is where self-criticism plays into your hands. It will reduce EGO and help you focus on changing yourself, not others.
Quiet your pride
There are two opinions: mine and the wrong one. Surely you are familiar with this phrase. This is how pride manifests itself. A proud person considers himself right in everything. He doesn’t allow those around him to say a word. Because of this, he cannot see his shortcomings. The only solution in this situation is to come down to earth, put yourself on the same level as others, learn to respect and listen to them.
However, you should not completely eradicate pride. Self-esteem must remain in any situation.
Don't blame yourself
Lack of self-criticism, as well as excessive criticality, are extremes. Everything should be in moderation. Therefore, criticize, but do not develop feelings of guilt. On the one hand, this is how conscience manifests itself. On the other hand, this is the road to self-criticism, a feeling of worthlessness and depression. Remember, the error has already occurred. Don’t stand still, trying to think everything over again. Go ahead and focus on self-development and improving yourself as a person.
Be wiser
Sound self-criticism teaches you to understand and accept the opinions of other people. Imagine the situation. You began to change your life, you became better, smarter and more reasonable. But those around them remained at the same level, behaving as before. It is not surprising that sometimes their behavior will cause indignation in you. In such moments, remember three rules:
- Every person lives the way he wants.
- Nobody owes you anything.
- People develop at their own pace.
While developing self-criticism, learn to look objectively at your family and friends. Be an example for them.
Listen to people
Sometimes you really know better from the outside. Accept this fact. You may not see your wrong or mistake. Therefore, learn to listen to the opinions of others. This is one of the laws of self-criticism.
Don't take advice with hostility. Not everyone wants to offend or prick you. There are those who want to help you become better, who wish you well.
Criticize yourself out loud
How will this help develop healthy self-criticism?
- Those around you when you make a mistake will be able to help you understand and correct it.
- It will be easier for you to admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness.
But remember that it is better to criticize yourself out loud when surrounded by reasonable, friendly people. Otherwise, mistakes will be used against you.
Rules
In order for self-criticism to develop, you need to know some rules:
- it is difficult to find ideal people;
- you should not retreat if you are sure that you are right;
- you need to listen to your intuition;
- You need to have fun and not lose your sense of humor.
Self-criticism is a conscious assessment of one’s positive characteristics as a person.
For example, Oblomov’s plan for youth and self-criticism can be considered a value that not everyone owns and uses.
What is self-criticism
Self-criticism is inherent in every mentally healthy person. It’s not for nothing that the famous scientist Ilya Shevelev said: “The lack of self-criticism is often a monosymptom of stupidity.” Essentially, this is a person’s ability to adequately evaluate himself and his actions, look for and analyze mistakes. It affects behavior and thinking.
Healthy self-criticism has nothing to do with self-criticism and self-deprecation. These qualities bring with them the destruction of personality. They lower self-esteem and cause feelings of shame and guilt. Self-criticism is an adequate perception of oneself, one’s positive and negative sides.
Self-criticism in psychology is a look at oneself through the prism of principles, values, and beliefs. The main thing is that they are your own. Don't try to look at yourself based on other people's beliefs. At the very least this is wrong.
Problems from childhood
Problems associated with self-criticism begin in childhood. When well-meaning parents unwittingly lower their children's self-esteem, they have no idea what consequences this will have on their children.
For example, mothers have high expectations for their children, and if they are not met, they lower their self-esteem by criticizing them.
Kids do not understand why they are not happy with them, and gradually turn into insecure teenagers. Of course, this does not mean that you need to constantly praise your children. But criticism must be reasonable so that problems with the mental state do not arise.
Children with low self-esteem choose people who are similar to them to communicate with. With every mistake or wrong action, they will consider themselves even more untenable individuals. Such teenagers are characterized by pessimism, fear of public speaking, and low activity.
How self-criticism affects a person
People with low self-esteem are too hard on themselves.
For them, self-criticism is a way of life. They constantly berate themselves; always believe that they did wrong, and also place the blame solely on themselves. They will not miss a single mistake or sign of weakness. For them, this is not just a manifestation of normal human weakness. Every mistake tells them of their inadequacy. Insecure people label themselves as “stupid,” “incompetent,” “unattractive,” “a good-for-nothing mother”) because of any difficulty or failure. This attitude towards oneself provokes a complete disregard for positive qualities. As a result, a person sees himself only from one side. Hence the excessive self-criticism.
You can evaluate the impact of self-criticism on your condition by conducting the following experiment. Read the list of words below, focusing on each one. Imagine that you are given such a description, and observe how your mood would change and how much it affects your self-confidence.
clueless, weak, pathetic, useless, unattractive, unlikable, unwanted, loser, incompetent, ugly, stupid, inadequate
Excessive self-criticism undermines a positive attitude towards oneself and leads to depression. If you rewarded yourself with some words from that list, highlight them. Think about how else you describe yourself and write down those words.
Why are you always unhappy with yourself?
Destructive self-criticism rules people who have not been able to build harmonious relationships with themselves. Those who have achieved internal balance are reverent about their achievements, and do not nullify all efforts. Psychologists consider self-rejection a problem and do not welcome self-flagellation.
Do you remember how, as a child, your parents told you that if you didn’t stop eating candy, you would become fat and clumsy? Of course, behind their words there was a natural desire to see their child as the most beautiful and successful. But you took them too literally.
As an adult, dissatisfaction with yourself has become overgrown with complexes, and you feel awkward every time you pass by the candy department. And when you return home from a date, you reproach yourself for giving up the salad in favor of a delicious roast: “He’ll definitely think that I’m a glutton and will never call again!”
All the phrases about “you’re not trying hard enough”, “you could have done more”, “why Katya has five, and you have four” should have become a powerful motivator, but they were deposited in the subconscious.
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In some cases, self-criticism is a way to abdicate responsibility. Demonstration of remorse allows one to achieve compassion and at least partial remission of sins.
When self-criticism becomes a problem
According to psychologists, constructive self-criticism is useful, but destructive self-criticism has harmful consequences, the saddest of which are addictions and eating disorders. Increased self-pickiness can become a catalyst for depression.
Destructive self-criticism:
- reduces self-esteem;
- creates uncertainty and isolation;
- makes you feel a constant feeling of guilt;
- increases the risk of becoming a victim of a manipulator;
- causes aggression;
- takes up valuable time;
- prevents you from enjoying life and making the right decisions.
Photo by Monstera: Pexels
Is it good or bad
Self-criticism is harmful when it turns into self-criticism and self-examination.
- One of the reasons for this behavior is ambivalence of feelings, motives, and emotions. When a person himself does not clearly know what he wants, he often comes into conflict with himself. Then constant self-examination and self-criticism become a way of life.
- The basis of self-criticism is the internal motives, beliefs, values, principles, and goals of the individual. But if a person himself has not made a decision in life, then other people’s systems of beliefs and values become guidelines. This is the second reason why excessive self-criticism occurs.
- The third reason is the lack of personal boundaries. If an individual does not understand where his responsibility is and where the other person’s fault is, what he can control and what he is powerless over, then he will chalk up all the failures, difficulties, and problems to his own account.
Excessive self-criticism suppresses independence and initiative. The more a person is convinced that nothing will work out for him again, the more fears appear and the less desire to try anything.
Due to constant reproach, self-esteem decreases even more. Along with this comes a feeling of guilt and shame. They become chronic and later transform into depression, neuroses, and disorders.
What does a lack of self-criticism lead to?
But what can happen to a person who, on the contrary, is too self-confident and does not want to listen to himself or the critics around him. Overconfidence can lead to a loss of connection with reality. And a new business project may fail. And at the same time, the person did not calculate this scenario. He was too self-confident and stopped thinking with his brain.
Here it is quite appropriate to recommend reading the statements of famous people about self-confidence.
