In any relationship there are different stages: positive and negative. The latter include constant quarrels with her husband, especially swearing after the birth of children.
Overcoming these same situations, the growth of mutual understanding in a couple indicates precisely the development of relationships - the achievement of harmony. Therefore, it is so important to learn to quarrel correctly, seek mutual understanding and make peace.
Do not miss
- Do not miss
Quarrels, squabbles and scandals: 5 zodiac signs that turn divorce into hell
Any conflict situation arises for one reason - there is some problem that cannot be solved. And constant scandals with your husband are the fastest way to solve this problem.
Reconciliation
If a scandal has already occurred, the question always arises of how to return to the previous relationship after a quarrel. The truce will depend on how much each partner needs it. If both want it, it will be quick and non-traumatic. If only one person makes contact, he will eventually get tired of it - separation is inevitable. If both are too proud to ask for forgiveness, a breakup will occur soon.
What can you do to restart your relationship after a fight:
- ask for forgiveness (if you are to blame);
- calmly discuss the painful problem, find a solution and not return to it;
- arrange a reconciliation dinner;
- stun your partner with good news so that he forgets about the quarrel: “I’m pregnant,” “Marry me,” “I bought a chinchilla,” “I love you” (if this is the first declaration of love);
- make a gift (from simple but romantic daisies to the latest iPhone model);
- write an SMS or a note, record a video.
In fact, there are a huge number of ways of reconciliation. Many factors matter when choosing:
- The partner’s character: some will only be reconciled after a gorgeous bouquet, while for others a compliment is enough.
- Age of relationship: young people need romance with dinner on the roof, and older people can make peace over a cup of tea and bagels.
- Degree of guilt: you can simply ask for forgiveness for a broken vase, but for the dented bumper of your husband’s favorite “swallow” this will clearly not be enough.
- The scope of the quarrel: if it was just a heated argument, making peace can be easier and faster, and after a scandal that all the neighbors heard, it takes some time to calm down.
If you want to renew your relationship, take all these points into account. Remember that every couple is unique. What worked for Vicky and Vasya may turn out to be absolutely useless in your case. Look for the best ways, but never delay the truce. A day is the maximum for a person to come to his senses, calm down and be ready to build bridges.
Second road. There is no support in your relationship
For example, a wife came home upset and talked about a conflict at work, but her husband did not support her: “What did you want? It’s my own fault!” But both couples need support. We are not able to be strong 100% of the time, sometimes we need help from another person. We feel safe when we can lick our wounds next to our partner.
How to avoid this road?
- Give others and yourself the “right to deficit.” It is important to see your partner, when he feels bad, as just a person - alive, sad, weak. And become his support at this moment.
- Constructively voice a request for support: “Please support me!” If you need help, ask for it - we should not and cannot read each other's minds.
- Find out from each other what support is for each. For some it’s tea with raspberries and dinner, for others it’s an opportunity to talk, do something around the house or get a massage. Go through the options through experimentation.
"One of us often ignores the other"
Completely ignoring your partner is a very bad behavior strategy.
It's worth noting that conspicuously ignoring another person is not the same as saying, "I'm really angry, so I need to take a break to calm down." According to Torrisi, many people confuse these things, so they resist the idea of breathing space before resolving a conflict. But there is a big difference between these two types of behavior. In one case, we show respect and act fairly. In another, we don’t care and we just want to punish our partner.
Ignoring is often used for manipulation. This is an example of denial of emotional connection and a type of revenge - an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. This behavior often means the end of a relationship, as it implies that one partner no longer wants to deal with the common problem.
Fourth road. You constantly argue about the same things
A couple has resource zones - common interests, love, home. And several pain points that cause controversy: money, sex or, for example, homeopathy. When you manage not to step on them, everything is fine. But as long as you don’t talk about these topics, tension accumulates, due to which someday there will be an “explosion”. What people don’t discuss and keep silent grows deep into relationships, intensifies and becomes toxic.
How to avoid this road?
- Say what you don't like. And offer your own version of how this situation can be resolved differently.
- Listen to the other person. This means: do not interrupt, do not persuade, do not argue. Listen and try to understand his picture of the world, take his place. It's difficult, but you need to practice.
- Learn to talk together. It is impossible to build a happy family life in silence. Create a safe atmosphere for dialogue and eliminate attacks and tantrums. Tell them that conversations are critical to you. Just like sex, cooking food or paying rent.
Causes of quarrels
The causes of conflicts can be very different, but still there are basic problems that everyone faces, both people in marriage and just people in the beginning of a love relationship.
Don't want to change
When you start your journey with someone you care about, it is simply impossible not to change your usual way of life. Due to the fact that many do not want to change their old habits, which are in no way suitable for living together, many couples separate.
Selfishness
A fairly common problem in many families, if people are not ready to sacrifice something for the sake of another, this will lead to dire consequences. Caring and helping your loved one is the fundamental basis for a strong relationship
. Learn to understand, sympathize, give in and sacrifice your needs for the sake of another, in order to endure certain periods of life well together.
Failure to fulfill one's obligations
Everything is quite simple here, everyone plays their role. A woman gives the home coziness and comfort
(cleaning, washing, cooking dinner), where a man always wants to return with joy.
The man, in turn, must help around the house with other things, for example, repairing sockets, faucets, sewer pipes and all other things that require male strength
. And also, he must take care of the financial well-being of the family, protection and in solving other important problems.
Important!
In today's world, a lot is already changing, women are able to earn and provide. But if this does not happen, it is better to resort to the usual responsibilities of each partner. Remember that in any relationship, balance is important, with everyone playing their part for the benefit of the family.
Stumbling blocks
If your goal is to get rid of quarrels in your relationship, you need to sit down and discuss with your partner what most often causes them. According to psychologists, they are the same in every couple:
- jealousy, lack of attention, cheating, flirting, lack of romance;
- different characters, temperaments, lifestyles, views, political beliefs, social statuses, interests;
- issues of raising children, relationships with parents;
- household, financial, housing problems;
- addictions: alcohol, drugs, gaming;
- dissatisfaction in bed.
Once the main stumbling blocks have been identified, try to figure out their size.
There are major ones on which the future fate of the couple depends. For example, whether to forgive a partner after cheating. In this case, you need to sit down for a serious and constructive dialogue, during which three questions are calmly discussed:
- What does the partner want?
- What do you want?
- How to combine these desires?
If you cannot reach a consensus on your own, psychologists will help you resolve the conflict peacefully and stop quarrels.
There are smaller stones that are just as exhausting as the larger ones. These are trifles like who doesn’t turn off the light in the toilet in the evening or why he said hello to some girl on the street. If such clashes occur frequently and result in major scandals, you need to sit down and outline the rights and responsibilities in the relationship. It’s even funny: before going to bed, I check that the lights are turned off everywhere, and you, in turn, don’t look at other girls. Believe me, this seems absurd only from the outside. In fact, when everything is written down, there will be fewer conflicts.
8 common causes of family quarrels and detailed instructions on what to do. About this - follow the link.
How to make peace with your husband after a fight?
If during a family conflict the husband allows himself to be assaulted, the situation becomes even more complex and dramatic. It all depends on the circumstances that provoked the husband to such an act.
Please clarify the following questions:
- Is this behavior typical for him in a normal environment? It happens that a woman, with her unbearable hysteria, forces a man to hit her in order to “shut his mouth.” If this happened once, and the beating was not severe (for example, just a slap in the face), the spouse can be forgiven for this trouble. It is likely that this will not happen again, but you should also take better care of your language.
- Does your husband reach out regularly? If yes, and this happens at the slightest provocation, it means he is a tyrant, and, alas, it will not be possible to establish normal relations.
- If you are constantly beaten by your despot husband, you should not save your family for the sake of your children. On the contrary, they should be quickly taken away from such a father, so as not to completely break their fragile psyche. Such men do not change, and their assault often extends to defenseless children.
It is not always possible to be diplomats in family relationships, but everyone needs to learn restraint and mutual respect. Otherwise, harmony and love in the family cannot be maintained.
The reasons for quarrels may lie not only in bad manners or real problems, but also in the psychological incompatibility of people. Perhaps in this case it is better to break off an unsuccessful union and open up to a new relationship than to try to reconcile.
Why do husband and wife start to quarrel?
Romance is inherent in relationships at first. Rare couples manage to carry it with them throughout their lives. The longer you are together, the more it is not about passion, but about a built relationship in which both you and your husband should feel comfortable. What does such a relationship consist of? This is mutual respect, a life that suits both, and also much more: children, a car, work, joint leisure, etc. When the veil of love falls from our eyes, we see our partner's shortcomings. They are especially striking when young couples start living together. If the affection for each other is strong, and the husband and wife are wise people, then they turn a blind eye to these moments. On their scales, the cup with negativity will not outweigh the positive aspects of existence together. But wisdom is not available to everyone, especially young families.
Need some advice?
Call!
I provide consultations in person and via Skype
Make an appointment from 10.00 to 23.00 daily
Sign up
The discrepancy between expectations and the actual state of affairs is frustrating and depressing, and in striving for happiness, a person makes mistakes. So, a wife may want to change her husband, impose her views on him and control his every step. The husband, in turn, may doubt whether this brawler and dictator is really the one with whom he wants to spend his whole life. The perception of each other changes, and on this unsteady ground it is easy to make mistakes and lose truly valuable relationships.
