There are people with whom communication every time becomes a test of strength and stress resistance, and careful preparation and attempts to conduct a constructive dialogue come down to conflict. It’s good when it is possible to limit communication with conflicting people, but if this is not possible, then you definitely need to understand what type of conflicting personality you are dealing with and how to protect yourself from the negative influence of this particular personality.
Below are the main personality types, their behavioral characteristics, as well as ways to counter them.
Demonstrative personality type
Wants to be the center of attention. Likes to look good in the eyes of others. His attitude towards people is determined by how they treat him. He finds it easy to deal with superficial conflicts and admires his suffering and resilience. Adapts well to different situations. Rational behavior is poorly expressed.
There is emotional behavior. Activity planning is carried out situationally and poorly implemented. Avoids painstaking, systematic work. Does not avoid conflicts, feels good in situations of conflict interaction.
How to counteract:
- Ignoring this behavior
- Load with adequate, useful work
- Isolate
Inadequate perception of criticism
Criticism is a catalyst for development. Knowing our shortcomings and weaknesses, we can begin to work on them and become better. But, unfortunately, not everyone adheres to this position.
A conflicted personality takes any criticism with hostility. Even justified and aimed at helping. Therefore, any remark addressed to such people starts the process of formation of conflicts and strife.
These were the general characteristics that make a personality conflicted. Now let's look at the typologies of conflicting personalities.
Rigid personality type
Suspicious. Straightforward and inflexible. Has high self-esteem. Constantly requires confirmation of one's own importance. Often does not take into account changes in the situation and circumstances. He has great difficulty accepting the point of view of others and does not really take their opinions into account. Expressions of hostility on the part of others are perceived as an insult. Uncritical of his actions.
Painfully touchy, hypersensitive to imaginary or real injustices.
How to counteract:
- Interaction through documents (job responsibilities, rules, etc.)
- Explanation of the rules and their necessity
- If there is no specific status, then give it
- Remove fear of any changes (explain that it is not scary)
Management methods
The success of each person’s realization in society, or self-realization as an individual, directly depends on his ability and ability to manage conflicts. Conflict management is a directed action to eliminate the causes of the conflict, or adjust the behavior of the participants. Let us dwell in detail on two methods of conflict management:
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
- intrapersonal – aimed at raising the level of self-organization of a person’s behavior: the style of your statements, your behavior should not provoke a defensive reaction from other people. This method consists of awareness of one’s actions and speech. It requires training in order to develop the internal skill of reasonable tolerance to opinions and the vision of the situation from another person;
- structural - this method affects conflicts caused by improper organization and distribution of responsibilities. This usually causes feelings of injustice, rejection, confrontation, and, as a consequence, the emergence of conflict.
Uncontrollable personality type
Impulsive, lacks self-control. Characterized by poorly predictable behavior, often behaves defiantly and aggressively. May not pay attention to generally accepted norms of communication. Characterized by a high level of aspirations. Not self-critical. He tends to blame others for failures and troubles. Cannot plan activities competently and consistently implement plans.
The ability to correlate one’s actions with goals and circumstances is not sufficiently developed. Few lessons are learned from past experiences.
How to counteract:
- Do not give the reaction he is waiting for (fright, fear, aggression), but give the opposite, unexpected one - coldness, calmness
- Lack of the same emotional reaction as him (such people are extremely sensitive to how you react, your fear, indignation, etc. are important to them)
- Sense of humor - such people are afraid to be funny
Polverara breed of chickens
Origin story.
In comparison with other varieties, which also turned out to be small in number due to the fact that they could not withstand the competition with modern crosses, Polverara is still in a good position.
The number of chickens of this species on our planet is at least 2.5 thousand heads, and this is a relatively good figure when compared with others, of which there are from 10 to 200 heads left in the world. Therefore, there is hope that the feathered beauty will not disappear.
Polverara breed of chickens is a real masterpiece, which was created by people and nature through joint efforts. Unfortunately, like many ancient species, the black chump in question has a lot of facts unknown to modern scientists in its history.
No one really knows exactly how and when exactly the winged beauty was obtained - data about this was lost in time. Today, only the fact is known that the black chickweed appeared on the territory of Italy, and the oldest records about it date back to the beginning of the 14th century. Scientists are still trying to get information about the ancestors of the quonka, but so far without success.
Thanks to advances in technology, it has been discovered that the chicken's ancestors may be Italian and French laying hens. The fact is that the same exterior characteristics are repeated in some French species, and genetic analysis confirms the relationship with the La Flèche breed.
Today, the feathered Italian is included in the standard as a meat-egg, decorative chicken. It is bred mainly in breeding farms in order to preserve the species. But, in Europe, and even in some places in Russia, there are several private farms where poultry farmers also raise this beauty.
Super accurate personality type
He is meticulous about his work. Makes increased demands on himself and others, creating the impression of nagging. Has increased anxiety. Overly sensitive to details. Tends to attach undue importance to the comments of others. May break off relationships with friends due to perceived resentment. He suffers from himself, experiences his own miscalculations, failures, sometimes paying with illnesses (insomnia, headaches, etc.). Restrained in external, especially emotional, manifestations. Has little sense of real relationships in the group.
How to counteract:
- You can’t give power or control over other people - it will drive you crazy.
- You can give a subject-oriented assignment - for example, someone in charge of a magazine, etc.
- Such people draw conclusions from the situation and even exaggerately
- Explanation: “There is no good and bad, there is a way out of the situation...”; “You didn't do it, but you learned something...”
- These people have problems with variability.
Inflated self-esteem and narcissism
A conflicted personality also, as a rule, has inflated self-esteem. By putting himself above other people, overestimating his own importance, a person causes negative emotions and provokes conflict.
Often such narcissistic people take on tasks that they are unable to complete, cope with them poorly, but do not notice this and remain convinced that they did everything well. This causes resentment.
It is very important to be able to admit your mistakes, but people with high self-esteem do this poorly.
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Conflict-free personality type
Unstable assessment in opinions. Internally contradictory. Has easy suggestibility. Depends on the opinions of others. There is some inconsistency in behavior. Focuses on immediate success in situations. Doesn't see the future well enough. Excessively strives for compromise.
Doesn't have enough willpower. Almost does not think about the causes and consequences of the actions of both himself and those around him
How to counteract:
- send for personal growth training
- explain norms of behavior in conflict
Tactics of behavior in conflict
Tactics are a way to achieve a goal. The same tactics can be used in different strategies. The following tactics of behavior in a conflict situation are distinguished.
Belief
Using logic and rational arguments to support your position.
Pressure
We are talking about threats, intimidation, demands.
Sanctions and “waving” of power
This implies using one's status for rewards and punishments.
Friendliness, flattery
Suppresses the opponent's vigilance and changes his mood.
Building a Coalition
Requests to get into the situation, to help, to understand.
Manipulation
That is, managing people, introducing them into uncertainty.
Ultimatums
The doing of something by one party until its demands are met.
Deal
“I tell you - you give me.”
Thus, tactics can be rational and irrational, direct and indirect, soft and hard.
Tank personality type
A rude, unceremonious person, going to break, despising the subtleties of relationships and other people's feelings. Selfish and confident in his own rightness. Believes that others should give way to him. Doesn't like it when someone questions his rightness. Concerned about his authority. Painfully proud. He is wary of jokes that have similar content to the current situation. He sees every joke as a hidden attack on his personality and dignity.
Attempts to discuss with him his attitude towards people (with the hope of fixing something) will be in vain. Without exception, all your complaints will be attributed to your bad character - after all, many with whom he communicates agree with him.
Such a person is focused on business, people are a tool for him
How to counteract:
It’s not easy to protect yourself from the “Tank”; it’s also very difficult to protect others – he’ll still find someone to take over.
Recommendations for communication:
- Calmly stick to your point of view.
- Rich argumentation and oratory have no meaning and will have no effect.
- If open insults begin, say that you do not intend to continue the conversation, since “Tank” has violated the rules of decency. You can make some concessions, but the main thing is to stand your ground, without reproaches, accusations, or tearing off masks.
It is especially difficult to resist such people where the spirit of totalitarianism is strong, where pressure in interpersonal relationships is widespread.
A little history
Conflicts and conflicting personalities have always aroused interest in their study. In the 50s last century, a discipline called conflictology appeared. This science existed earlier, but was called the sociology of conflicts, and only in the second half of the twentieth century was it able to form into an independent discipline. A huge contribution to the development of this industry was made by the work of A. Coser and R. Dahrendorf. Thanks to the works of D. Rapoport, M. Sheriff, R. Doz, D. Scott, a new trend in conflictology took shape - the psychology of conflict. In the 70s There was a need for practices that would teach behavior in a conflict situation. Various practices and methods for resolving controversial issues in the most peaceful way are beginning to appear.
It is worth noting that initially the subject of conflictology research was conflict as a social phenomenon. Scientists described the types of confrontations and tried to find the most acceptable ways to resolve them. However, recently, more and more conflicting personalities have begun to appear in society, which is difficult not to notice.
Conflictologists mean a conflicted personality of an individual with contradictions in the conscious and subconscious. V. Merlin notes that the most conflict-prone people are those with a creative mindset and an active lifestyle. There are many theories regarding the origin of this type of character in humans. For example, a conflict personality, according to Freud’s theory, is a collision of the human “I” with its instinctive, unconscious component “It”. According to Freud’s theory, there is also a third component of the personality “Super Ego”, that is, the ideal to which a person strives. Thus, the individual constantly suffers from the clash of these three “I”s, and this can often result in external conflicts.
On the other hand, there was the teaching of C. Jung, who argued that human neurosis and the difficulty of adapting to others are formed in childhood. The scientist emphasized that it is important to teach a child to understand and be aware of his thoughts and desires in order to resolve internal conflicts. According to his examples, a conflict personality can appear if adults begin to deceive the child or stop paying attention to him. Then the child may draw incorrect conclusions, which will complicate the process of self-perception.
Another interesting theory was voiced by Karen Horney. She also drew attention to the process of personality formation in childhood and coined the concept of “basic anxiety” - a feeling of loneliness and complete isolation in a hostile world. This condition occurs when in childhood a child was unable to satisfy his need for security. As a result, “basic anxiety” becomes the basis on which a conflict personality is formed. Such people require more attention to themselves and react sharply if something does not go as they would like. They have a much higher need for love and recognition than other people. In short, conflicted individuals try to find evidence of their importance, at least that’s what Karen Horney says.
Leech personality type
The “leech” does not say nasty things, does not scold or insult, does not directly accuse you of anything, but after communicating with him, your health worsens, your mood decreases or a feeling of fatigue appears, and it is more difficult to direct your thoughts in the right direction. He does not consider that he is causing any trouble to his interlocutor; he gives his company as a gift and is grateful to himself for taking the initiative in communication. If he is lethargic and silent, he is still pleased with himself; everyone should appreciate that he forgives a lot. He knows how to connect his interlocutor to his problems and makes him experience negative emotions.
How to counteract:
At the end of the conversation, you need to tell “Leech” about your feelings, condition, how it changed during the conversation. Without judgment or reproach, describe to him what is happening to you, how you feel.
Vata personality type
Such a person gives the impression of being pleasant and flexible. He is compliant and accommodating. I like this at the beginning of interaction with him. But then problems often arise: “Vata” does not fulfill what was promised, agrees to do some work and does not do it. This type constantly has unforeseen circumstances that interfere with the fulfillment of what was promised. He does not consider it necessary to speak about such circumstances in a timely manner.
How to counteract:
It is quite difficult to thoroughly clarify relations with him, because he agrees with everything. With such a conversation, you can feel uncomfortable when you have to reproach a seemingly friendly and accommodating person. However, we need to remember a few of his actions and show him that words are too far from deeds.
Tendency to gossip
People who spread rumors are real generators of conflict. Discussing other people behind their back often leads to infighting within the team. Gossipers make other people quarrel, and they themselves don’t mind getting on someone’s nerves.
And even if a person does not spread gossip, but only listens to it and believes it, the likelihood of a conflict still increases. Omissions and unfounded suspicions appear. Someday this hidden discontent will definitely come out.
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Personality type "Accuser"
For him, the whole world is full of fools, scoundrels and slackers. But he does not criticize the structure of the world, but very specific people: neighbors, bus drivers, sellers, doctors, co-workers, bosses, government officials... He criticizes with enthusiasm, with fervor, with knowledge of the matter, with facts, findings and conclusions. Has his own clear judgments about who should live and work how. If you try to interrupt the endless accusatory speech, most likely there will be no aggression. There will be slight irritation: either caused by your, of course, inept attempt to blame better than him, or “your myopia” and a vain attempt to justify someone.
How to counteract:
The “accuser” is driven by a passionate desire to speak out and be heard. It is useless to try to knock him down; he does not forget the words of his song. Of course, real music is more pleasant to the ears. But what to do? You can learn to do some business while listening to the music of accusatory speeches.
Usually, after one or two hours of tirelessly revealing the truth, it becomes easier for the “accuser” and then you can interrupt him and take the conversation in a different direction. Just don’t even try to give even the slightest hint that he is wrong about something or that it seemed to you that he did not express all the arguments. He will repeat two or three more times. Then you will wait at least three hours for the next break in speech.
Uncompromising
A conflicted personality is not ready to make concessions. Even if such a person understands that he is wrong, he will stand his ground. Of course, this will lead to conflict.
For harmonious relationships, you need to be able to conduct reasoned debate, and not just foam at the mouth to defend your position.
Even if the opponent is ready to give in a little and smooth out the conflict, such a person behaves uncompromisingly, which only adds fuel to the fire.
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"Passive-aggressive" personality type
He does not object or resist openly, but tries to achieve his goals at the expense of others. His hostile attitude manifests itself in some way every now and then, but it is quite difficult to bring it out into the open. For example, he may do the job only halfway, incorrectly, on time, or carelessly. He will always have completely logical, pseudo-reasonable explanations for this such as: “I didn’t know,” “I forgot.” A passive-aggressive person outwardly often demonstrates a willingness to cooperate and even offers to help. However, in reality it all ends in failure to complete the work.
How to counteract:
If possible, it is better not to contact such people, or at least not to count on them to perform any important tasks. It is important not to take their tricks to heart, not to outwardly show anger and disappointment - this is exactly the gain that they seek.
If you have to deal with a “passive-aggressive” person, make sure he writes down exactly what is expected of him. It is ideal if you keep a copy of the obligation for yourself so that you can present it to him later. Clearly outline to him the significant consequences for him of not completing this task. Monitor the progress of non-fulfillment of promises. It is very important to control yourself and not make claims until a person of this type has not yet done anything wrong, not to “program” him for non-compliance. If you are faced with a passive-aggressive type who is whispering behind your back, the most important thing to do is to identify him and call him out while keeping a cool head. He is only strong while sitting in the bushes. Ask him directly, perhaps in the presence of others, questions about what he is dissatisfied with, what he wants. Most likely, he will become embarrassed and confused.
The desire to argue for the sake of arguing
Many have heard that truth is born in a dispute. This is true when it comes to constructive dispute. Arguments, counterarguments, impartiality, the desire not just to show oneself, but to determine who is really right - all this can lead to the truth. But conflicted individuals do not need this.
They want to argue for the sake of arguing. They enjoy the process itself. They triumph when the exhausted interlocutor simply waves his hand at them and refuses to take part in a verbal skirmish. Such people will not be able to produce truth in a dispute, but there will be more than enough conflicts.
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“Super flexible” personality type
May appear very passive-aggressive in that he agrees with everything. Moreover, he persistently offers his help, but does almost nothing. Referring to overload and other circumstances. At the same time, he is inclined to be offended in response to a remark made to him about this, because thinks that he wanted to help from the bottom of his heart, but his pure impulse was not appreciated. Most often, this is a person who wants to please everyone and sees no other way than to be useful.
How to counteract:
When dealing with such a person, it is important to check his promises for reality, clarify the deadlines, and encourage his sincerity in expressing doubts about the possibility of implementing certain plans, taking into account all the circumstances. It is necessary to express sympathy to him. Create an environment of emotional acceptance for him, no matter what he does. This will give him the opportunity to take a break and not seek important favor in such an unproductive way as he practices.
Intolerance of opposition
Conflict-ridden personalities cannot stand other people's points of view. Any contrary opinion should be ridiculed or at least ignored. The world can only be the way they see it. Not otherwise.
Such inertia forces hostility even when the difference in opinions is not critical and it was possible to do without conflicts: a discrepancy in points of view is not a problem in itself. But no, a person who cannot stand opposition will be able to make any minor contradiction a reason for a fierce quarrel.
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