“A request is a voluntary permission for oneself to be weak, and for a man to be strong.” How deep and capacious this phrase is. Especially these days, when women's desire to surpass men in masculinity (this is not a joke!) goes beyond all possible limits. And if you are one of those who proudly declare publicly that “there are no normal men left,” pay attention to this text. We promise it will open up a lot of new things for you. However, we dare to assure you that this material will be useful and interesting to a wide range of readers.
What is a request?
First, a little secret.
Men love to hear requests from their wives, girlfriends and lovers. To feel like an all-powerful arbiter of destinies - what could be better? True, no less iron consequences flow from this iron rule: 1) you need to ask correctly; 2) you should be more careful with requests - too frequent “wants” over time dull men’s sense of their own uniqueness. So what is a request?
A request is a form of addressing another person that necessarily contains two components,” explains psychologist Pavel Zygmantovich. And we are not talking about the obligatory attributes of a request, such as the words “please” or “would you be so kind as to...”. The point here is not in philology, but in psychology.
The request must necessarily contain: a) the right to refuse (even the most charming and tearful request can be rejected and this is normal) and b) the absence of punishment for this (moreover, this does not only mean the wording “oh you are so! then I... ", but also an elementary insult). If at least one of these conditions is not met, the result is not a request, but a demand or an order. Albeit in a veiled form. Remember this once and for all!
Who is not denied a gift and why?
At first glance, a “request that cannot be refused” (read, an order or demand) has a much higher chance of success, but this is not so. Sooner or later, even the most patient man will begin to refuse, not caring about punishment. It may even come to a break in the relationship if he decides that you don’t need anything other than gifts.
But those who calmly accept refusal, realizing that the reasons for this can be very different, will definitely get their way. Not once or twice, but many more - the statistics in this case do not lie: the less you demand, the more you get. Remember, as in “The Master and Margarita”: “...never ask for anything (read – “don’t demand”), especially from those who are stronger than you. They will offer everything themselves, they will give everything themselves.”
Notice how we have quietly approached the main theme of this chapter - a request is not denied to someone who asks and does not demand. However, the chances of “winning” can be increased if you add some additional touches to understanding the very essence of the request:
• Let your man know that you will not constantly bombard him with requests;
• Gently hint that you like receiving gifts (it sounds strange, but it is very important);
• Don’t make a secret of what you really like (this will make it easier for men - known lazy people who don’t want to “read between the lines” and make guesses).
Treat with understanding7
Each man is individual and reacts to requests of this nature in his own way. For some, one offer is enough, and they immediately give money. Others need reasons to give them. If a partner, in response to a request, asks: “Why do you need a new dress/bag/shoes, you already have several beautiful ones?”, then he treats money thriftily and considers the woman’s request a simple whim. In this case, you need to convince him that the thing is really needed.
An example of correct argumentation: “You’re right, they are very beautiful, but soon (next event). It’s important to look presentable there, and all the guests have already seen their old outfits.” The event may include birthdays of relatives, business evenings, presentations, etc. Another option: “Yes, I understand... It’s just that old bags don’t fit groceries/documents/personal items, but the one I have my eye on is very practical.”
In general, the man needs to be explained that the purchase is really necessary and will not be a waste of money.
When a man gives you a gift, he thinks... about himself
Psychologist, expert and trainer of Larisa Renard's Academy of Private Life Maria Permyakova believes that for a man, the desire to please a woman with a gift is not the main motivation.
When a man gives a gift to a woman, it is much more important for him to feel his self-sufficiency, pride in himself: “I could do it!”, “I managed to do it!”. A man should literally see these sensations in the reflection of a woman’s eyes. They expect sincere admiration from you, otherwise it will all be in vain. But this comes only later, when the gift is received. What comes first? That's right - sincere love and admiration for your man. They are exactly what he needs to reach the state of “I could do it!”
A gift is not just something that one person gives to another for free use. A gift is a small story filled with meaning and content. By giving something (money, jewelry, perfume, gadget, etc.), a man wants to give a loved one a piece of himself. But he wants this only if he feels that he is loved and admired.
The Three P's Rule
