How to become an optimist: 12 working tips

“Always in a hurry, but never on time. So busy that there is no time to remember who he is and where. So gloomy that the smile of a passer-by rather irritates him than pleases him.” This can describe 80% of the population of our country. Optimism went out of fashion along with good nature. People are so immersed in their own problems that they have no time to look around, distract themselves from the negativity, and see the beauty of the world around them. Is it possible to improve the situation? How to develop optimism and restore faith in the good?

What are we missing in life?

Why do we live? Surely not in order to devote all your time to work, solving some problems, or everyday issues. Our goal is to live a productive, interesting, colorful life with optimism. And there are all conditions for this.

By refusing positive thinking, we deprive ourselves of a lot. This is how we set a bad example for our children, friends, and acquaintances. And this is also the highest degree of ingratitude for the life given to us. Yes, it can be difficult. But a person can be strong, learn to smile, and charge other people with positivity.

Pessimism, unlike optimism, is the attitude of someone who has given up. Don't miss a single day to do something good, lift someone's spirits, be optimistic.

Emotional background scale

Let's look at the reasons for the lack of optimism. Pessimists are people broken by circumstances. They give a negative assessment of life and do not even try to change it. It’s as if they are slaves who have no rights or freedoms. However, in modern society, everyone is the master of their own life and can change it at any moment.

The mechanism for the development of pessimism looks like this. A person is born an optimist, lives, enjoys life until a negative circumstance appears that traumatizes him. If we are talking about a sanguine person, most likely he will cope with the situation and will live on with his characteristic optimism. But if a melancholic or choleric person gets into trouble, his emotional scale will first go towards strong feelings, and then apathy will set in. Everyone has their own experiences and emotions in life, the only difference is how people deal with them. For some, a broken nail is enough to cause depression, while others experienced a real tragedy and did not break.

To break in this case means to lose optimism, to become a pessimist. These are people who are emotionally broken, who no longer accept positive emotions, and find negativity in everything. They prefer not to fly so that they don’t have to fall later. The transition from joy to sadness for them is like falling from a height. They don't allow themselves to become optimistic. And over time they simply lose this ability.

False optimism

Wanting to return the wings of optimism, the joy of life, a person can already consider himself a daredevil. He is strong for deciding to change. But just a smile is not enough. This is not optimism. True joy comes with setting the right priorities. What is important? So that the weather matches your mood and the suit fits? No, these are little things. Let it rain, let the tights tear. All this is insignificant. The rain will pass, but the tights - initially it was clear that they would not last forever. Go to a cafe, order your favorite coffee. And then go shopping. This is what optimism looks like.

Optimism is a perception. This is not a forced smile, but the ability to see good even in bad.

Don't give up on your goals because of obstacles

Optimists, like all successful people, approach tasks creatively and do not give up in case of trouble. They know that they will never have everything they need, so they make do with what they have at the moment.

Steve Jobs didn't panic when he didn't have enough money to start a business: he sold his only vehicle, the VW Microbus.

Walt Disney was not depressed when he was told that Mickey Mouse was “a giant mouse that only scared women.” He promoted his project and look at the attitude Mickey is receiving today.

Donald Trump went bankrupt four times (1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009) and each time his ingenuity helped him rise again. Back in 2011, his fortune was estimated at $2.9 billion.

Restructuring your thinking

The key to healthy optimism lies in setting goals and going towards them with the understanding that everything in life is relative.

How a pessimist thinks.

“My colleague’s dress is better. I look worse - it’s terrible.”
“It’s bad weather outside again. I’ll catch a cold again.” (And he will definitely pick it up. Thoughts are material).
“We increased the salary. Now they will throw on responsibilities. And not such a big increase. Still not enough to save for the sea.”

How an optimist thinks.

“My colleague looks great today. You need to compliment her. It will bring joy to both of us."
“There was a storm outside the window. It’s so cozy to be indoors at such moments. We’ll stay at home in the evening, light candles, and talk with my wife about all sorts of little things.”
“The salary has been increased. I’ll mark this day in red on the calendar and buy wine. You can invite your friends in the evening. We haven't sat this well in a long time. This is the reason."

Every situation in life has two sides. An optimist focuses on the good. A pessimist sees only the bad. The transition from negative to positive lies through the passage of an intermediate link: realism. First, understand that you can be upset endlessly. Look at the situation from a broader perspective. You will notice the pros and cons. Concentrate on the positive. This is the only way you can develop optimism in yourself.

Reasons for pessimism

Scientists have been trying to understand personality traits and the impact of optimism on health for hundreds of years. Thus, according to recent research, the two main reasons for the formation of optimistic and pessimistic worldviews are:

Genetic predisposition.
Upbringing. As a rule, pessimistic views prevail in the family; parents never praise the child and constantly predict his failures in all fields.

Read more: How to not be afraid of anything, be brave and confident

The experiment, conducted by London professor Tim Spector, involved identical twins. The girls grew up in the same family and in the same environment, however, one of them is cheerful and cheerful, and the second regularly experiences depressive episodes.

The professor’s goal was to answer the key question: what factors actually influence the formation of human personality and how this can be influenced. Spector was able to discover a specific set of genes that function in one girl, but are inactive in another. It turned out that only half of the differences between people are due to genetics. At the same time, external factors can activate or, conversely, weaken specific genes. The name of this process is epiginetics.

How to find harmony

Understand that the concepts of “good” and “bad” are subjective. They don't exist. Accept what is happening as it is. Don't think about how it could be. Comparing reality with fantasy always leads to a pessimistic assessment. How to develop optimism and become an optimist? Advice from psychologists boils down to finding harmony:

Remember who you are and where you are. State your name.
Briefly recall your past life.
Appreciate the present.
Think about the future.

Could it be better? Yes. Could it have been worse? It could have been a lot worse. Events just happen. And you, as before, have this life, the opportunity to manage it.

Accept what has already happened. Please accept with gratitude. Harmony begins with humility. Be optimistic.

To come into harmony with yourself and the world around you, and develop healthy optimism, try these techniques:

Watch less TV.
Limit your visits to the Internet to once a day.
Meditate twice a day for 2 minutes. First, learn to focus on your breathing. Turn off your thoughts, concentrate on how the air leaves your lungs and fills them.

And further. Think about the present. An optimist will not return to the past over and over again.

The power of thought

They say that thoughts are material. Whatever scenario you imagine for the development of this or that event, this is most likely what will happen. If you are afraid of the upcoming interview, you will see in your mind that it will not go well - most likely, this will happen. And if you try to calm down and relax as much as possible, imagine that the meeting will end successfully and the employer will like you, there is a high chance that you will get the coveted place. And the point here is not that it is enough to attract luck with the power of imagination. Thought can awaken great inner work in a person and concentrate efforts on the goal.

“This is how a positive thought works: first we think, then we imagine a picture - a certain image of our desire, and in the end we show activity - we begin to act,” says Alexander Mutovkin. – When we take responsibility for our thoughts, our dreams become reality. For a person who has taken the path of optimism, it is very important to learn to think positively. And you also need to radically change your attitude towards yourself - accept yourself unconditionally, with all the shortcomings and flaws, love your imperfections, this is where optimism begins. And then it will become possible to listen to myself, understand what I really want, and accurately follow my desires, without turning back or retreating, despite stereotypes, doubts of friends, dissatisfaction of parents. You will certainly be rewarded - optimism will give a different quality to your life, help you move away from dissatisfaction, envy, comparison, hatred and come to love, gratitude, joy.

The best self-control exercises to become a little more optimistic

By developing the ability to concentrate on the positive, learn to be an optimist in everything. Stop yourself from thinking about bad things. It's a whole new world: you'll feel like you've opened the curtains and let the sun in.

Develop a negative attitude towards bad thoughts. Every time negativity appears, force yourself to squat or snap your hand with a money rubber band.
If you are overwhelmed by negativity, anxiety, apathy, self-pity, change your facial expression. Move your cheek muscles, make different grimaces. This will change your inner state.
Helps remove the negative “dog breath”. Remember how dogs that have been running for a long time breathe. Quickly, often, superficially. Open your mouth and breathe in the same way for about a minute. Emotions will leave you.
Smile at at least three people every day.
Read books daily. Make a list of the ones you want to read.
Exercise every day. Sport helps produce joy hormones.
Get a cat. If it’s very busy, you can have some fish. But better than a cat. This is a living creature that can entertain and distract from heavy thoughts. The cat will make you happy - these animals take away negativity, relieve stress, and heal. These are scientifically proven facts. By receiving additional positive emotions, you will quickly develop optimism.
Call your friends, family. Every day, choose someone to talk to. Do not correspond, but talk, meet. Choose live communication.
Keep a success notebook. Write down everything that made you proud of yourself since childhood.
Watch films that motivate, charge with optimism, and inspire. Lists are available on the Internet.
Keep a wish notebook. Write down everything you want there. Think over ways to implement each point, go towards your goals.
Walk outdoors every day.
Take photographs of the city streets, yourself, and friends.
Forgive everyone who has hurt you in the past. I'm truly sorry. Try to understand and don't get angry anymore.

A contrast shower will also help get rid of bad thoughts. Take it if there are no health contraindications.

A little about pessimism and optimism

Before research, pessimism and optimism existed as philosophical concepts. Among the prominent representatives of the philosophy of pessimism are Hartmann and Schopenhauer; according to them, the world is not just bad, but even hopeless. Pessimists often discuss the meaning of life. What is the point of birth if life ends in death anyway? Why is the world filled with evil and suffering?

As a rule, as a result of such discussions, pessimists come to the conclusion that the world is inherently vicious, and humanity is unable to change anything and will never change anything. However, most people with such views are no different from others; they also create families and go to work.

Despite such popular “pessimistic” ideas, optimism also has well-known representatives. As a rule, in philosophy, a positive worldview is associated with Gottfried Leibniz, who believes that humanity lives in the best of all worlds.

A little humor: there are two children in the family: an optimist and a pessimist. For the New Year, their parents prepared gifts for them: a toy horse on wheels for the pessimist, and a pile of fresh horse manure for the optimist. The children woke up in the morning... Pessimist: “Well, the horse... uh... small, but I wanted a big one... completely white... and I wanted apples... uh... wooden, but I wanted a live one...” Optimist: “But I have alive!!! I just went out for a walk!”

How to become an optimist and how to improve your mood if you are a pessimist: advice from a psychologist

Most often, focusing on the negative is an innate quality. All 4 types of temperament are present in a person to varying degrees. Among pessimists, the melancholic type is dominant. Temperament determines a person's reaction to everything that happens. For melancholic people it is sadness and tears. Almost everything upsets a person. It cannot be remade. But you can learn to cope with the first reaction and switch quickly.

The instructions for developing optimism are still the same: work on yourself, follow the advice described above. Whatever the initial settings, man is a self-determining creature. You wake up in the morning and the day lies in the palm of your hand. What colors you paint it in is up to you.

Open up to friendship

As a child, we could easily and naturally find new friends. This becomes more and more difficult to do with age. In addition, relationships with some of your existing friends deteriorate or simply become obsolete. The difference between adult relationships is the awareness of choice. We got to know each other in the sandbox, kindergarten or other places because we were forced to spend time together in the same location. But even this does not detract from the main advantage - it was easy for us to talk to a stranger and immediately start playing together.

Adults need to learn this too. For some this comes easy, for others it is a real challenge. By limiting connections, we stop developing, learning new things, and simply forget about pleasant friendly gatherings. Don’t think, we don’t encourage you to make friends with passers-by on the street. It would be strange. Today it is very easy to find friends with similar interests using the Internet. It will be both interesting and useful. Such friendship is much more sincere and honest than “forced” friendship.

It is important to know

You could observe the latter, for example, at work. When a person pretends to be friends, but in reality they hate you. Do not let such people into your personal space and try to limit communication with them.

Ronald Hubbard, mentioned at the beginning of the article, put this emotional background at 1.1 on the scale. Suspended between fear and anger, he does not openly show hostility and prefers to wear a mask. This is his defense.

Communication with such an individual can be dangerous, because for the most part they are angry and envious. But you can easily neutralize its negative impact if you identify it right away. Here are his behavioral characteristics:

starts the conversation first and tries to prevent questions from being addressed to him;
allows himself barbs and caustic remarks (he does this in a veiled manner, so it’s difficult to call it a direct insult);
will definitely respond to the remark and will not miss the opportunity to undermine your authority in the eyes of others;
constant lying, even unnecessarily;
actively collects and spreads gossip;
does not act “forward”, it is characterized by cunning combinations.

With such a friend there is no need for enemies. Just don’t let them into your life, look for real, sincere relationships and people.

Look for the positive side

Most people push everything good away from themselves. When something didn’t work out, a person thinks: “I’m a failure,” “everything failed again,” “I shouldn’t have done this,” “I knew it wouldn’t work out.” Instead, you need to look for the positive side in every situation. Started your own business and went broke? But we gained invaluable experience. Didn't your relationship with your loved one work out? You have experienced many positive moments together. Think about it this way: it didn’t work out right now, but I have time for one more try. Next time it will definitely work. Remember that there are no easy paths, perfect relationships and eternal life, so do not trade your existence for negative thoughts. Look for the positive side in every situation.

Increasing self-esteem

Positive and negative sides coexist peacefully in a person’s personality. A pessimist knows about all his shortcomings, but what advantages can he highlight?

Divide a sheet of paper into two parts. Write the heading “My Pros” in the left column. In the right column - “My cons”. And thoughtfully list the relevant character traits. Compare the two lists. Which one was shorter?

The first time around there can be a long list of shortcomings. Then you should continue the exercise and find even more positive aspects. Just don't fall into fantasies! Qualities must be real, not fictitious.

Now look at the result obtained through the eyes of an outside observer: with such a set of characteristics you cannot be called a worthless loser!

Give warmth!

The next step towards a happy and joyful life is love. Even if you don't have a soulmate, there is probably someone who really needs you today. Right now.

Try to develop a good habit of doing good deeds. To do this, you don’t need to be a very rich person or have a lot of time, it’s enough to be empathetic and sensitive to others.

Feed a homeless puppy, accompany a lonely grandmother on a walk, hold the door to let a young mother with a heavy stroller through.

You will see, as soon as such a habit appears in your life, your soul will become much lighter and lighter.

Lift your mood daily

In order to maintain a positive attitude, you need to fuel it with films, books, trainings, and music. Do what you love, allow yourself a little weakness after a working day. Motivate yourself with literature and films, it really helps not to lose confidence in your abilities.

Sports, music, meetings with friends must be present in your life. These attributes are necessary for every person, and an optimist uses them to the fullest, they bring him happiness.

Smile

A smile is an indispensable attribute of an optimist. Start your day with a smile, smile at your reflection in the mirror, at your significant other, at your parents, at your neighbors, at those around you. A smile will give you and everyone around you a charge of positive emotions for the whole day.

Important: the smile must be sincere, then the effect will not take long to arrive.

A pessimist is most often stingy with smiles and laughter, even when everything is going well. He believes that if everything is good now, then something bad will definitely happen soon.

Real life instead of social networks

For those who want to change their thinking to a positive one, it is worth limiting your time on social networks. And, if it is not possible to completely leave there, then at least it is very possible not to spend hours of your life there aimlessly.

It turns out that modern people’s dependence on their social networks has an extremely detrimental effect on their attitude towards life. After all, in fact, it replaces real communication and events that occur outside the walls of the house.

The past is no more, the future is not yet

The next step towards a positive life is to realize that most worries are in vain. The things we worry about often don’t happen at all or happen, but in a different form. Therefore, there is no point in worrying about what has not happened yet. Or about what has already happened.

After all, the past cannot be changed, you can only learn lessons and move on. Let go of your thoughts, live in the present!

RULE No. 2. Self-irony, not self-examination!

Self-flagellation is a bad helper, which takes a colossal amount of energy, depleting you mentally and physically. And most importantly, it does not bring us one step closer to solving problems. The critic that appears in our head during difficult moments in life can tirelessly scold us for the mistakes we have made, pushing us into a state of depression. Self-irony in such situations has a valuable psychotherapeutic resource, eliminating destructive moods. By looking at a situation that we perceive as negative from a different angle, we can sometimes find some humor in it. If you managed to smile or laugh, then this is a sure sign that you are not in a good mood with a depressive mood, which means that you will certainly be able to cope with your existing problems. Therefore, it is quite natural that most optimists have a sense of humor and self-irony.

Have a rest

Work always entails stress, which is why the body needs to recuperate. Even an ardent optimist needs a couple of days off a week, otherwise the positive attitude will be eaten away by fatigue. It’s better to work twelve to fourteen hours on weekdays and rest on Saturday/Sunday than to sit in the office from nine to six all seven days.

You also need to pay attention to your own sleep schedule. It is easier for the body to go to bed and get up at the same time, and the duration of sleep should be at least eight hours a day.