10 reasons why people need relationships - psychology of relationships

Why are relationships needed? This is the same as asking why water or air is needed? But many people cannot answer this question or give the most banal reasons.

Everyone knows the parable about two halves that God scattered around the world, and they spend their entire lives looking for each other. Not everyone manages to find it, so people start dating for the most ordinary reasons: not to be alone, to have children, to live like everyone else, to be a support in difficult life situations.

But what is a relationship for then? Why fall in love, waste time on friends, communicate with family, if the reasons for their creation are so prosaic.

Every person needs a relationship because he has a soul that requires harmony and warmth. Reuniting with each other for love and friendship, they give a sense of real life, turning each into a great value for the other.

Even when the relationship doesn’t work out, this is a wise lesson for each of us.

Why do people need relationships?

This term was first used by Aristotle and called the relationship “a symbiosis of two people, which is created by a mutual connection.” Their highest level is love, everything else is dictated by reason.

At different periods of life, the need for them is dictated by different reasons.

Why are relationships important during adolescence?

Romantic relationships during adolescence are an important stage of human development. During this period, the basic principles of future adult life are laid. The feeling of adulthood, independence, raging hormonal levels “leads” a teenager to his first, sublime love.

For a teenager, these relationships are very important; they look for the only person in the object of love with whom they can share their most intimate things, receive support, and feel new emotions and experiences. Often a teenager loves not a real person, but his dream, attributing non-existent traits to the chosen one.

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But it is precisely these feelings that correctly evaluate ourselves and others.

According to surveys, every ninth man is married to his first “school” love.

Why do we need a relationship between a guy and a girl?

There are several reasons why a guy and a girl meet: uncontrollable love at the level of a chemical reaction, logical choice, physical attraction.

In the process of developing feelings, young people experience a “mini-format” of future family behavior.

The beginning is full of hope, tenderness, and enjoyment of each other. After six months, the passions subside, and are replaced by a period of testing feelings and similarities of characters, the idealization of the partner ends, disagreements arise, and separations are possible.

If the partners retain their feelings, this becomes the threshold of marriage.

Long-term relationships are based on trust, the desire to share significant events, support each other in trouble, and the opportunity to be yourself next to your partner. This is an invaluable experience for the future long years of life together.

What is the relationship between a man and a woman for?

Relationships for a man and a woman, according to psychologists, have different goals; they need each other for different tasks.

It is important for a man:

Continuation of the family line
Constant sexual intimacy
Taking care of him and making him feel comfortable at home
Spiritual closeness and support
The desire to care, provide, and protect one’s “nest” are three basic components of a man’s essence

It is important for women:

Start a family, get married
Have children
Financial support
Feel loved and wanted
Feeling of security and stability
Care and help

Sigmund Freud on relationships

Sigmund Freud is famous for his research into the psychology of the unconscious. It is he who owns the phrase that perhaps most fully reveals the essence of a person’s need for relationships: “We choose each other not by chance - we meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.”

Thus, in Freud’s understanding, the subconscious is more responsible for a person’s desire for relationships than a conscious choice. So if you figure out what your subconscious is looking for, you can easily understand why you really need a relationship.

Now the second and, as we wrote above, more important point. It is important to understand in whose subconscious we already exist. If everyone chooses only those who already exist in their subconscious, then we are chosen according to the same principle. If this is clear, then, after all, you will have to turn on your consciousness and try on the basic patterns for yourself.

For example, if a woman wants to feel protected always and everywhere, the likelihood of attracting the attention of a powerful, or even despotic, person is very high. If a man wants to reign supreme, then in choosing a partner he can rely at most on some kind of “gray mouse” who does not want to take responsibility for his life. A determined and independent girl is unlikely to tolerate someone’s despotism and total control.

Through the area of the unconscious, you can consider almost all the visible and, it seems, conscious reasons why people start or continue relationships. Of course, in this way you are unlikely to correct your subconscious, but at least you will reduce the degree of misunderstanding why your relationship is developing this way and not otherwise.

And one more thought from the master of psychology: “A woman should soften, not weaken a man.” Yes, this idea needs to be taken into account long before your first date. Few men will strive to be with a woman who makes him weaker. But the opportunity to be next to someone soft, kind and caring looks clearly more attractive. By the way, being needed is also one of the motives why the stronger sex seeks a relationship with the weaker sex. And one of the differences is in the motivation for relationships on the part of the stronger and weaker sex.

How to know if you need a relationship

To understand whether you need a relationship, you need to honestly analyze your inner state and decide whether you constantly need another person by your side. Many people feel much better and calmer when alone.

No	Yes
The person is an introvert, does not need communication, people are annoying	Lack of communication, I want to have a good friend
Love freedom from any obligations	Lack of sex life or its irregularity
Relationships hinder career advancement	Do you want a family and children?
No desire to make long-term relationships	Lack of care, support and help in life
You don’t see a worthy partner in your environment	Loneliness, melancholy
Self-sufficiency, best friend is a pet	Having confidence in the face of life's challenges is easier with two people
Negative past experiences	The state of unclaimed love

What influences them2

How relationships develop and change depends on many factors, including beliefs about behavior and attitudes between women and men in relationships, experience, or at least character.

This is largely influenced by a kind of matrix of “woman - man”, “woman - woman” and “man - man”, which people carry out from childhood. Simply put, a girl learns from her mother what it is like to be a woman, a wife, a mother. The “mother-daughter” relationship is a prototype of a girl’s relationships with other women in adulthood. And the girl’s relationship with her father is a kind of prototype of her relationships with men in the future.

For example, if the father is strict, demanding of his daughter, cold or aggressive, then the girl learns to fulfill her father’s demands, to be towards him, he can react with fear and objects to his outbursts of aggression. In adulthood, this girl, as a woman, can be defensive, submissive in relationships with men and react with anxiety to her partner’s outbursts of anger.

How to create strong relationships

In order not to make a mistake in your choice and understand whether it is worth planning a future with this person, you need to objectively evaluate your partner and the prospects for further life together.

Strong mutual feelings require the fulfillment of a number of important conditions:

Sexual harmony and compatibility.
Respect for personal space.
Lack of desire to remake a partner in your own way.
Everyone has the right to individuality and originality.
Accepting flaws and preferences.
Intuitive understanding of each other.
No deception, no secrets.
Caring for each other, lack of “terry” selfishness.
Coincidence of life priorities.

Can a person be happy alone4

There are many single people who lead a happy life; one can understand that at the current stage of life he does not need anyone to be happy. It happens. Nevertheless, sooner or later, more or less consciously, the need arises to create a strong, stable and safe union, the need awakens to share your life with another person.

People who live alone can be a source of sympathy from others and are labeled as “the one no guy wants” or “the one no woman can stand.” Despite this, single people are increasingly common in the modern world, and their marital status is no longer surprising.

Tolerance in the public consciousness is growing, thanks to which people living alone can mature in relative peace until the moment when they are ready to enter into a permanent, interesting and very successful relationship, or abandon them completely.

Kinds

All types of interpersonal relationships can be divided into three main types :

By status . Here you can distinguish vertical and horizontal directions. The first type includes communication between a boss and a subordinate, a child and an adult, a teacher and a student, etc. The second type includes the interaction of colleagues, friends, spouses and everyone who is in equal conditions in relation to each other;
By goals . There are only two varieties: business and personal;
By emotional coloring . They depend on people’s perceptions of each other, and are divided into negative, positive and neutral.

Also, all interpersonal relationships can be divided into 5 levels of intimacy :

Initial acquaintance . The first few meetings with a person. At this moment there are no relationships between people yet;
Friendship . People got to know each other a little. At this stage, there is a prospect of developing closer relationships if the communication was positive;
Partnership . People have mutual interests and common topics of conversation. At this stage, communication becomes closer;
Friendship . One of the closest types of interpersonal relationships. People already know each other well, have many common interests and communicate frequently;
Family relationships . The closest view. Possible between relatives, spouses, parents and children.

You are afraid to ask your partner for more

Frank conversations are very important, because open communication is the basis of a long and healthy union. Relationship coaches point out to How to Know When It's Time to Let Go of Someone You Love/Time that not talking about your wants and needs is more likely to destroy a relationship than preserve it.

Julia Hill

Family psychologist, psychotherapist.

In close, trusting relationships, there should be no discomfort when discussing personal needs. I talk about myself, I open up, I know that you won't hurt me back.

If it is always difficult for us to talk about our needs - in the family or at work - this is a signal that at such moments we find ourselves in some kind of “sore spot”, perhaps a feeling of self-doubt, unworthiness. We need to think about whether it was previously difficult for us to talk about ourselves, to ask, or whether this feature appeared precisely in this relationship.

If this has always been the case, then you should pay attention to your personal boundaries and determine how often you act against your interests. If this only happens in your relationship and you want to save it, it may be worth contacting a specialist together with your partner. Another option is to break up.

Physical needs

Although this option is quite crude, it is one of the reasons to try to build a relationship. In order for a person to be healthy, he must satisfy all his needs, one of which includes sex. Some people initially start a relationship precisely for this purpose, knowing that no serious relationship will come of it. But if we compare the need for food and the need for sex, then the latter will be less important, especially since the desire to have sex is perfectly suppressed by other sublimated activities, for example, sports. Thus, although physical need is the answer to the question: why are relationships needed, it is far from the main thing.

Self improvement

Very often, love and the desire to have a relationship force a person to improve. For example, in order to please a certain person, you begin to study topics that interest him, try to become better, and highlight the most positive qualities in yourself. It happens that a person finds a soul mate in the process of self-improvement, which makes this reason for looking for a relationship doubly productive. Even if you don't build a relationship, the fruits of self-improvement will remain with you forever.

The most frequently asked question to a psychologist

This question sounds like this: “How can I make other people fulfill my conditions, my desires and do what I want?”

This question clearly shows a desire to manipulate. And who likes to be manipulated? The psychologist believes that it is impossible to come to understanding and good relationships by answering this question. Only by changing the wording of the question to: “Who wants to manipulate and who does not like control?” — we can approach understanding and solving this issue. It’s right to start asking yourself questions: “Why do I react this way? Why do we always talk about the other person? Why are we trying to change other people’s behavior?”

Open relationship: pros

It's easy to maintain passion, romance and newness as a couple. The opportunity to spend time with other people “excites the blood” and creates a feeling of being in demand and popular.
It is convenient to satisfy the needs of both partners, even if they have different sexual temperaments and fantasies.
A constant influx of new emotions. Active communication with many people creates a feeling of “bubbling life” and emotional upsurge. This has a positive effect on the relationship because both partners feel happy and fulfilled.

But, if everything is so rosy, why do open relationships remain taboo for the vast majority?

Accepting your partner for who he is

Does a man or woman need a serious relationship if their partner has any shortcomings? It is worth understanding that everyone has negative sides. And in order to create and maintain a strong relationship, the beloved must be accepted entirely. Psychologists recommend trying to look at your partner’s shortcomings from the other side and try to find something good in them. For example, if a man does not want to eat what a woman likes, she has to prepare dishes separately for him and for herself. Of course, this is not entirely convenient. What to do in this case? A woman should study the properties of her favorite products. Or maybe they harm the body? In this case, you should think about switching to the food that your partner prefers. After all, it turns out that he is not capricious at all, but cares about his health.

Finding compromises

How to understand whether a man or a woman needs a relationship if disagreements often arise between partners?

You should not rush to conclusions, since it is quite difficult to meet absolutely identical people. Each of the partners is an adult, already established personality, with their own principles and views. Nevertheless, if they want to have a serious relationship, people should try to find something in common that would suit both of them. And this is very important when making any serious decision. In such matters, the opinions of both sides must be taken into account.

Taking care of each other

When a person truly values something or someone, he cares about it. We take care of what is dear to us! And we don’t feel sorry for losing only what we don’t need or what we have a lot of in our lives. Therefore, if we need a person for a serious relationship, we cannot help but take care of him. When a man forces a woman to work from morning to night, when he doesn’t take care of her at all, he doesn’t care about her! He doesn't appreciate her! With such an attitude towards a person, it is simply impossible to talk about any kind of serious relationship, even if he gives her flowers from time to time and buys her expensive trinkets. And the situation is exactly the same with a woman who forces her husband to work more and more, not paying attention to his health, as long as he brings home a lot of money, which she spends mainly on herself. Such a woman doesn’t care about her man, she doesn’t value him! Often, women don’t even care that their man is an alcoholic, as long as he works. Well, is this a normal relationship? Yes, this is not a relationship at all - this is parasitism. If you don’t care about your woman or your man, don’t count on any kind of normal relationship with this woman or man. Such a house of cards will definitely collapse.

Why and who needs conflicts?

The psychology of relationships does not take into account one important fact - the dual nature of man. The spiritual principle is the personality and soul, and the animal principle is consciousness and body. Diana learned about this thanks to the books of Anastasia Novykh and programs with the participation of Igor Mikhailovich Danilov. And personal experience and many years of practice gave a clear understanding of how the human consciousness works.

“The intellect (consciousness), says the psychologist, is not at all interested in establishing human friendly relationships. It is the animal part of man that tries to dominate others. This is a tool with its own character, which must be curbed and learned to control. And only by accepting this fact within himself, does a person begin to study it, to recognize the beast and the egoist within himself.”

But if consciousness is a tool, then who am I?

Relationships with children

The relationship between parents and children also very often develops into conflict situations. Some of the questions from viewers who turned to a psychologist for help are: “What should I do if my parents are still playing tyrants and trying to teach me how to live? How should a child behave if a parent is constantly dissatisfied?”

“The topic of control and suppression is quite difficult for parents and their children,” says Diana. Psychology of relationships, as well as questions: “How and why?” - sounds from people indicate a lack of understanding of the reasons for what is happening. They are focused on investigation and blaming others.

The problem is that people ask, “Who is right and who is wrong?” And sometimes parents themselves seek to control and manipulate. Naturally, children begin to adopt these behavior patterns and resist. Why, if it only brings suffering?

Using her personal example, Diana told how she faced problems of mutual understanding with her children. Until she began to ask herself questions: “Who is the child trainer in me and who is the evaluator of other people’s actions in me?” — there was no clear understanding of the situation.

If you remove the assessment and stop picking on children over trifles, then the relationship will gradually improve. We must understand that they are just learning to live and interact in this world. Therefore, it is better to just help them with this and love them.

Purely for myself

What is a relationship for now?

How does a person who lives in “post-truth” mode and perceives a girl as a feature for a show called “happy together” answer this question?

Status

— The status of a guy who is not alone, “in demand” by the female sex, is very important, otherwise you and your influence are too weak. You can read about the rules of life for a womanizer here. The principles of a womanizer or what needs to be done so that your constant does not find out about your mistress

Sex

- Be sexy and experienced. A need as important as uninterrupted access to Wi-Fi

Household items

-House cleaning and cleanliness. Little things in relationships, how girls help in relationships.

First love

What about the relationship between a guy and a girl? Why are early marriages necessary? After all, the psyche of young people has not yet been formed; they cannot objectively evaluate the opposite sex, sometimes confusing love with lust, sporting interest and simply a desire to try the unknown. But it is precisely the first love and sexual experience that will leave a strong imprint on the entire subsequent emotional sphere. How many men and women around the world suffer precisely because of the mistakes of their youth!

If every representative of their gender thought about this before entering adulthood and did not rush into action, then there would not be such a frightening number of divorces, unhappy spouses who, for various reasons, continue to live together and are crippled by other people’s ridicule.

Why do open relationships stop working?

Most free unions end sadly: one of the partners becomes jealous and leaves the relationship. Or he meets another person with whom he falls in love and decides to build a marriage with him. Therefore, think, are you really ready to risk your family for the sake of ephemeral freedom?

If you feel that your relationship no longer brings joy and harmony, start with yourself. Answer honestly: what do you need to be happy? What don't you like about your marriage? Only you are responsible for your feelings and emotions. The “Secrets of Women’s Happiness” course helps you understand and accept this. On it I teach girls to hear their inner needs, learn to satisfy them, and interact harmoniously with the opposite sex.

Tell me, could you understand the guy who offered you an open relationship? How would you answer him?

Parting

Relationships between people are an ambiguous and complex concept. This is why separation is sometimes very painful and unexpected. For those who are frightened by the possibility of a breakup and expect only the worst, psychologists recommend not to be tormented by painful thoughts. You should thoroughly analyze the current situation and determine whether your partner needs the relationship. Perhaps the fears that have come are unfounded.

There are a large number of signs that signal the fading of feelings. The most common of them are:

One of the partners takes everything from the relationship, but does not want to give of himself. Love, as a rule, is impossible without sacrifice. If people love each other, then each of them will strive to give their soul mate all the best. And he will do this absolutely free of charge. However, if one of the partners begins to pull the blanket on himself, then such behavior can ultimately lead to separation. A person who finds himself in a disadvantageous position eventually becomes tired of the responsibilities assigned to him and ceases to believe in the sincerity of his other half, feeling offended.
Constant negativity and irritation. If one or both spouses are in a consistently bad mood, we can talk about an impending breakup. Moreover, the exact reason for people’s irritation is not realized. Each of them only focuses attention on the shortcomings that the chosen one has, his habits, interests, friends and tastes. A similar phenomenon occurs when the expectations and fantasies of people who, at the initial stage of a relationship, idealized the image of a partner are destroyed. They endowed him with non-existent but desired positive qualities. However, over time, any illusion gradually dissipates, and each spouse sees the essence of his other half. That is why it is so important, already at the initial stage of a relationship, to separate your dreams from the existing reality and accept your partner with all his advantages and disadvantages.
Painful quarrels. Absolutely all couples periodically begin to sort things out. However, this can be done in different ways. If, after splashing out negative emotions, spouses stop communicating with each other for a long period, then the likelihood of a breakdown in the relationship between them is very high. Is it necessary to restore the relationship if one of the partners allows himself to make rude remarks about his other half in a public place? It is unlikely that a union can be strong if people are unable to control their negative emotions. Such quarrels humiliate a person and violate his dignity. Scandals in the presence of strangers are mainly aimed at manipulation and suppression of the individual. Sometimes they are arranged on purpose, thereby showing that further relationships are impossible.
Lack of care. This phenomenon is also a sign of dying love. Partners always look after each other. They care about the appearance of their loved one and their health. Most men strive to create all the conditions for their beloved to make her happy, giving her the best. Showing care is a need for loving people. If one of them shows coldness in the relationship and does not care what his partner looks like, whether he feels good, etc., then all this indicates the likelihood of separation.
Alienation. What does it mean that separation is approaching? For example, while people are together, one of them withdraws into himself. Parting is not far off for those partners who increasingly decide to vacation separately. This is considered a bad sign. However, sometimes such behavior of a partner is caused by problems that have arisen in him, which for certain reasons are difficult for him to tell about. In such situations, you should be tactful, unobtrusively calling your significant other for a frank conversation. If the chosen one really needs help, then he will definitely explain his behavior. If he refuses to communicate, we can talk about his desire to break off the union.
Lack of physical contact. People who are in love with each other always want to touch their partner. Such tactile contacts are a classic manifestation of sincere and deep feelings. If a partner avoids this, and even more so refuses intimate life under various pretexts, then this may indicate the fading of his love. But you should be attentive to your significant other, because sometimes a lack of sexual desire is a sign of disturbances in the functioning of the genitourinary, hormonal or immune systems.
Lack of joint plans. People who want to be together always dream about the future. If there are no common goals, you should be wary. It is unlikely that anyone needs a relationship in which one of the partners thinks out loud about how he will save money for a new apartment and buy a car, but does not mention his chosen one. All this will confirm that such a person is not yet ready for a serious manifestation of feelings or believes that he has not yet found his true love.
Mistrust. Partners who truly love each other are ready to entrust their soulmate with everything they have, even their own lives. If a person is not ready to build a serious relationship, then he is in constant internal tension, mentally preparing for the fact that he will become a victim of betrayal. As a rule, trust leaves a person after deception, betrayal and outbursts of jealousy. Sometimes in a relationship it is absent from the very beginning. This is influenced by negative experiences gained in the past and the fear of experiencing pain again. In this case, the person can make an attempt to restore trust. However, psychologists say that this is not always a reasonable way out of the situation. Sometimes it’s better to just turn around and leave than to live in anticipation of being stabbed in the back.
Constant dissatisfaction and complaints. Some people daily complain about their fate, showing dissatisfaction with their partner. At the same time, such couples do not observe any positive changes in communication and in life. This fact should alert you and make you think about whether a relationship that brings complete disappointment is necessary. You can try to find out from your partner what exactly does not suit him. If nothing can be changed, then separation is the only way out of the situation, because our life is pleasant only when people enjoy it.

What is an open relationship?

By “free” we mean relationships that are not constrained by the framework of a classic marriage. Typically, partners are allowed to flirt with other people and have sex with them.

There are three common types of open relationships:

friendly sex;
guest marriage;
polyamory.

You will find a detailed description of all three types in the articles on the official website of Pavel Rakov.

Girls, why do you think some couples choose this format? Write in the comments, I’m very interested to know your opinion!

You are trying to get what your partner does not give you from friends and acquaintances

Think about who you will tell first about a promotion at work or a family crisis: your partner or someone else. This does not mean that you cannot have close friends and acquaintances. However, if you find yourself sharing your worries more often with friends and colleagues, it may mean that you are not getting the support you need from your loved one.

Julia Hill

Family psychologist, psychotherapist.

The question is how we are used to asking for support and how we present it. If a wife asks her husband, “How do you like my new sweater?”, he nods approvingly, but she would like him to say, “You are beautiful, darling! The sweater is very stylish, how grateful I am to the universe that I met you” - of course, she will not feel support from her husband.

Relationships are always a dialogue between two interested parties. I not only expect something from you, but also help you understand what exactly I expect and at what moments, and if you cannot support me in this way, I hear and understand you.

But if you feel like you're endlessly knocking on a closed door that won't open, there are two options: couples therapy or separation.