Not every woman wants to have children and some believe that the maternal instinct is completely absent. But is it? Why doesn't the wife want to have a child? You will learn about this in our article.
It often happens that men do not want to have children, but women are like that too. While the former are easy to understand, the situation with the latter is somewhat more complicated. After all, it is women who give birth to children, not men. But the task of the male sex is different. And there is no way to dispute this.
And it just so happened that since nature has endowed women with the function of giving birth to children, they should want it. After all, why does a person need such a function at all if he doesn’t need it? Of course, there's no need. Accordingly, it is no coincidence that nature has endowed women with the opportunity to give birth to children.
Accordingly, it is inherent in every woman, but for some reason sometimes it falls asleep. It is believed that about 6% of women do not have maternal instinct. Some will say that this is quite a bit, but it is not so. But still, why can a woman refuse to have a child and what to do about it? Let's find out.
Why women refuse to have children: reasons
The wife does not want children
As a rule, women refuse to give birth to children for reasons other than natural. And everything influences her so much that the maternal instinct is even drowned out. It often seems that a woman does not like children at all. There are several reasons that force women to refuse to have a baby.
- My wife doesn't want children - she grew up in a large family
When a woman grows up in a large family, she does not receive enough attention. For the most part, she is left to her own devices and lacks communication. If she was the youngest, then often she does not have personal belongings, because she gets everything from her elders. Of course, this leaves its mark and, as an adult, children become cold. And it’s not even a lack of maternal instinct. He simply hid in the depths of his subconscious.
Usually in such cases, women do not want to give birth if the family was problematic. In other words, it is hidden in upbringing and comes from childhood. Undoubtedly, when a family has many children, this is not bad, but one should never forget about children and raise them. As a rule, if there are no problems with this, then the girl always grows up loving kids, and not vice versa.
- The wife doesn't want children - she doesn't know how to love
There is also the opposite situation, when a girl grew up alone and all her whims were fulfilled. She received enough love to be shared among several children. Usually such girls become very spoiled and capricious ladies. Of course, such a girl does not know how to love, because she is used to being given love only to her. And she doesn’t want her children, because they will have to give love and affection. Again, excessive parental affection, tenderness and care suppressed the maternal instinct in her too much.
- Wife doesn't want children - doesn't have enough money to live on
Why does the wife refuse to give birth?
Often this reason becomes a reason for refusing to have children. Undoubtedly, is it possible to support a child if you have a very small salary and live in rented housing? But is this really why a woman doesn’t want children? Of course not. After all, the situation can always be corrected, and if a person does not strive for this, then it is for a reason. There are also families where the income is above average, but the woman still does not want children.
People are such creatures that money is always not enough for them, even if there is a lot of it. So the reasons for the lack of funds to support a child are usually far-fetched. But behind them lies ordinary laziness, unwillingness to take responsibility for the little man, as well as banal greed.
- The wife doesn't want children - she wants to build a career
According to women's emancipation, men and women should be equal in everything. Accordingly, some people first want to build a good career and only then think about having children.
But think about it, when will this happen? You can build a career all your life, but by the age of 50 you will definitely not have a child, because time has been lost, and you want to live for yourself. Often women do not understand that children do not actually interfere with their career. After all, how many successful women who are mothers can prove this to you. Surely, among your friends there is someone who knows such people.
Besides, why pursue equality with men? To surpass them or to prove something? But this is also possible in ordinary life. To do this, you need to do something that no man can do - give birth to a baby.
- The wife does not want children - fear of gaining weight and becoming ugly
My wife doesn’t want a child - what should I do?
By the way, it happens that men themselves are afraid of this. In general, this reason is hardly justified, because it is based on the same selfishness, laziness, and so on. Even if a woman gains a few pounds, she can still remain attractive if she puts in some effort.
For some women, being overweight suits them and makes them even more attractive. Men definitely don’t leave such women. And if this happens, then the man simply uses it as a reason; he would have left without it. In addition, in most cases, women return back to their curves after childbirth.
In other words, there is no need to be afraid of gaining weight. There's nothing wrong with that. You can always get yourself into the right shape or make being fat a virtue.
- Wife doesn't want children - lack of confidence in a man
When a woman doesn't know if she can fully rely on her man, then she must figure out why she does so. If a man takes care of his beloved, helps and supports her in everything, then nothing will change after the birth of the child. He will be the same husband, and also a caring father.
If the situation is the opposite and the woman is left to her own devices, then the situation is deplorable. Even after the baby is born, she will not receive any help. He will not help, because he has not strived for this before. You can say that your man is an exception, but it’s unlikely. You clearly misjudge the situation.
What to do in this case? There are several options here:
- Agree with your husband and don’t care about your nature. There will be no children in the marriage, although someday the woman will definitely get tired of
- A man will change his attitude and still behave appropriately
- Find another man and have children with him
You need to decide for yourself what to do.
- The wife does not want children - fear of pregnancy and childbirth
Fear of pregnancy
This also happens. After all, we are afraid to go to the dentist, although there is nothing so terrible there, but pregnancy is much more serious.
Usually a girl begins to be very afraid when her friends intimidate her and everyone unanimously talks about how painful it is. Undoubtedly, everyone tries to cope with such fear and still give birth, but some begin to experience such strong fear that they have to overcome it with a psychologist.
- The wife does not want children - medical contraindications
Often girls are afraid that genetic diseases will be passed on to the baby, they themselves have poor health, or there are some problems that can become an obstacle to bearing a baby. Despite everything, you need to discuss this together and decide what to do. Perhaps not everything is so bad and there are chances of success.
As you understand, a woman cannot have no instinct at all. After all, it's instinct. But today’s life is such that women are often actively influenced by third-party factors, which they cannot always resist.
Material need
Nowadays, women understand that a child is a luxury. In infancy, he will need expensive diapers, then interesting and beautiful toys, and even later - school supplies and beautiful clothes. It’s hard to imagine modern schoolchildren without phones, tablets and computers. And all this requires serious money. A woman thinks about whether she will be able to support her family if her husband suddenly leaves her and does not help the child in any way. Poor children grow up disadvantaged and unsure of themselves. How should a mother look at this?
What to do if your wife doesn't want children?
When spouses look at one problem from different angles, it is worth trying to find a compromise that will definitely suit both. What should a husband do if his wife stubbornly refuses to give birth to a baby?
First of all, you need to find out the reasons for this behavior. Perhaps they are not so serious. First you need to look within yourself. Pay attention to whether you earn enough? Maybe your income is too low, and your spouse is afraid to hint at it, and the birth of a child will clearly put you in a deep hole. It is also important to decide on the issue of trust. If it is not there, then it is understandable why the wife does not want to have children. But if everything is in order on both counts, then it’s worth talking to your wife and asking directly why she doesn’t want to continue the family line.
Bad example of parents
Often girls who grew up without a father or saw his bad attitude towards their mother are afraid to start their own family, so as not to step on the same rake. They do not see anything good in family life, so they prefer lonely freedom. It is natural for a daughter to repeat the fate of her mother, because she imitates her on a subconscious level. But realizing this with a sober mind, women avoid. And only a real loving man can prove to such a girl that family life can turn out completely differently.
Is it worth getting a divorce if the wife doesn’t want a child?
Should you get a divorce if your wife doesn't want children?
In this case, divorce is not the solution to the problem. A man in such a situation does not just want a child. It must be from the woman he loves. They just want children in rare cases. Undoubtedly, you can always get a divorce and find a woman who will love children. But that would be a selfish act.
You must understand that children are always happy when their mom and dad love each other. And when parents simply love their children, but not each other, then such a relationship will definitely not be an example to follow. So you should only get a divorce as a last resort. It is better to try to persuade your spouse, solve problems together with her, and awaken her maternal instinct.
Tie your spouse to you or feel the need
As mentioned above, you cannot tie a person to yourself in this way. Even if you give birth to a child, if your partner does not have any feelings for you, the child will not stop him and he will leave the family. If necessary, he will simply see the child and reproach you for growing up without a father.
But sometimes women manage to keep a man in this way, but, as a rule, after a while everything returns to normal, and the man still leaves.
Also, sometimes a situation happens to women when everyone turns away from them and they feel that no one needs them. In this case, the woman decides to give birth to a child in order to become needed by someone. But such situations are not entirely favorable for the newborn child; as a rule, either he grows up in excessive care or, on the contrary, his mother often swears at him.
What to do if the wife does not want to have a second child?
If you already have one baby, but your wife does not want to agree to a second one, then you should behave like a competent psychologist. First of all, you should decide on the reasons why your wife does not want to be a mother for the second time. Most likely, she had problems during her first birth, the baby has developmental disabilities, or she is simply afraid to give birth. Some are afraid for their figure, because during the first birth it was difficult to restore it, and after the second it will remain that way.
When the reasons are clear to you, it will be easier to take action and try to carefully change your spouse’s opinion. Pressure and inclination in one's own direction do not work here. After all, a woman, as a mother, must love a child, and if he is unwanted, then it will be very easy for her to do this.
Hope for support
It is common for all people to grow old, and therefore many women think about their old age and want to give birth to a child as soon as possible who could care for them in old age. But if children are born for this purpose, then most often the parents get the opposite effect.
In addition, some girls want to give birth before they are thirty, so as not to look old when the child grows up. But there are correct points of view for this reason, because there are many cases where children were embarrassed by their parents because of their age. Although, parents are not chosen. But this contains adequate and truthful information. After thirty years it is very difficult to give birth
, and therefore it is better to do this before this age. But before the birth of a child, you need to thoroughly prepare for this so as not to complicate life, neither for him, nor for yourself, nor for your spouse.
What to do - the wife does not want to have children: advice from psychologists
Psychologists are also of the opinion that the husband should definitely find out the reason and try to correct it. For example, if a wife is afraid of being a bad mother, then you need to get her to change her mind.
If the first birth was very difficult or the child died during the process, or maybe there was a miscarriage in the later stages, then only a psychologist can help the problem. It will help a woman get out of depression and believe in herself again.
If a woman has not yet worked up and is not ready to have children, then there is no need to rush into having them. The moment when it will be decided will definitely come.
Lack of a worthy man
Even 50 years ago, girls were not as “selected” by suitors as modern educated young ladies. They got married for love, and after some time they were bitterly disappointed. Meanwhile, a child was born who prevented the mother from breaking off the unhealthy relationship. In most of these cases it turned into flour.
Modern girls calculate everything in advance. They want to see someone who is reliable and loving next to them. Many live in a civil marriage and are in no hurry to go to the registry office. This indicates only one thing - the woman is not confident in her chosen one. Having a man does not mean having a potential father for children together.
And let's be honest...
Men don't give birth. Pregnancy is not only a joyful state, but also a frequent urge to go to the toilet at the most inopportune moments, toxicosis, compulsive overeating or a complete lack of appetite. And many, many things.
The male body does not experience hormonal storms and changes; it does not need to pick itself up piece by piece after childbirth.
But at the same time, the birth of a new life is a real miracle. And the best way to convince your wife to give birth is to overcome the fear of the unknown and a new stage in your life together.
Ksenia Litvin,
psychologist Growth Phase
Pressure from outside
Many social factors put pressure on a woman. From childhood, girls are instilled with the idea that happiness lies in a large family. To some extent, yes, for many this is one of the elements of happiness.
And the fairy tales end with the princess marrying the prince, they had many children, and everyone was happy. Only in reality the picture is a little different (read above).
When a girl grows up, everyone around her suddenly becomes “concerned” with only one question: “When will you get married?”, “The clock is ticking,” and so on.
Rarely does anyone ask a woman what she wants until she announces it to annoying well-wishers.
Yes, we don’t live in the Middle Ages and girls have millions of opportunities and choices. Including: the ability to decide whether she wants to have children or not.
The childfree movement, by the way, is very actively gaining momentum also due to the fact that marriage and motherhood become the result not of harmonious relationships and love, but of pressure:
“When will you give me grandchildren,”
my mother cries.
“I need an heir,”
insists the husband.
“It’s very difficult to give birth after 30,”
my friends insist.
“Children
are the flowers of life,” from every “iron.”
The desire to have a child can often be dictated from outside. And from the inside, a woman is simply consumed by panic fear: from banal everyday problems to the uncertainty that she will be able to raise and educate a new person.
What if she simply has no desire to change anything. Selfishness has not been canceled either.
