As statistics show, any family breakdown is perceived, especially by women, as a natural disaster, which is incredibly difficult to survive without breaking down. Hearing that her beloved husband stopped loving her and wanted to leave will be extremely painful for any woman. Naturally, this is a catastrophe when the familiar world collapses, and all the time spent together seems to be devalued. The ground is being pulled out from under your feet and it is completely unclear how to live on.
- My husband said he didn’t love me anymore and left! - this is how my friend Irka complained to me on the phone, sobbing loudly.
- How could he stop loving me and leave? What should I do now? At least get into the noose! Life is over! Who needs me now, and even with two children?
I never expected this ending to their family relationship. To hear that Slavik has stopped loving Irina and wants to leave is beyond my understanding. But is this the finale? Did he really stop loving her? It was hard to say. Irishkina and her husband’s love story could easily be described in any novel. Beautiful courtship, a wonderful couple, to the envy of many spiteful critics, beautiful children of the same age, just like in the movie that is so familiar to all of us in our hearts - a boy and another boy. Total: Irishka gave birth to two wonderful boys, I’m not afraid to say a loud word, risking her life to her husband Slavik. Irka has not been in good health since childhood, so giving birth to and raising two sons who are the same age for her body is quite a feat worthy of loud applause.
I can’t say that Slavik didn’t help - he took part in the upbringing and organization of everyday life as best he could, at least it seemed so to him. But Ira didn’t always think so - the lion’s share of all household chores lay like a dead weight on her, but she never complained about her husband, she was understanding: he is very tired after work, he should rest and recuperate. No one cared much about Irka’s own strength, which again had a noticeable effect on her health, and, consequently, on her appearance. At the time of such a “life-affirming” statement from Slavik, after which his wife wanted to “get into a noose,” their family had existed for ten almost cloudless years, as it seemed to her. I sat in Ira’s kitchen and consoled her as best I could.
- It’s okay, Ir, today he said that he stopped loving him and left, tomorrow he’ll crawl back, you’ll see!
And she, as always, justifying him, blamed only herself for all his sins:
“I let myself go, I became uninteresting to him, I didn’t pay him enough attention - so he left!”
And so on and so forth. This “Yaroslavna’s cry,” unfortunately, is a pattern for most abandoned women. Was it really only Irka’s fault that her husband fell out of love? And was it even her fault that he left? As far as I remember, more than one friend faced a similar problem. Why is this happening, why did you say that you fell out of love? As they say, the eternal Russian question: who is to blame? So what should I do? Let's try to figure it out...
What should I do now
Down with emotions! Just think - he left, think - he said that he stopped loving. Of course, it’s difficult not to include tears here, it’s impossible not to engage in self-criticism and soul-searching. To, so to speak, finish off oneself completely. It is difficult not to unleash the full range of anger on the offender. As they say: “Our indignant mind is seething!” After what he said - remember to your husband “the years torn from life”! However, it will be much better if any decisions and actions are implemented with a “cold” head, devoid of any emotions.
Revenge is a dish best served cold! Of course, you should not take revenge on your husband. Life is much wiser than us and over time it will put everything in its place. And if someone deserves punishment, then life itself will do it much more gracefully than you. So there is no need to worry about this topic at all. However, in order to come to your senses and gain strength to move on with your life, the first thing you need to do is stop self-flagellation and hysteria.
Try to look at this problem, as it were, from the outside. A cool head and a sober mind are your main allies!
How long will this last?
Are you still clinging to hope of repairing your marriage or just want to know how long his new relationship will last.
The problem is that you can't look into some crystal ball and see what the future holds.
You may be thinking that his new relationship is doomed to fail because he left you for a younger woman who isn't really interested in anything long term.
Or maybe you think he's going through a midlife crisis and this relationship is just a symptom of that. You think he might come to his senses when the crisis is over.
But this is just speculation.
As painful as it may be, you are an outsider in this relationship. You can't feel what he feels and you don't know what they are like together as a couple.
Some men can leave their wives for a new woman and find themselves happier than ever before.
Other men may soon realize that the grass is not always greener and that he and his wife are fine.
No one can say for sure, not even your husband.
Life is over
I declare with absolute confidence - nothing like that! Yes, your husband left, abandoned you, trampled you, humiliated you, said that he stopped loving you. There may be a lot of reasons for this; we won’t go into details and sort them out now. But really, he said that doesn’t mean that he really stopped loving. And at the same time, you are going through a difficult period and, more often than not, you only blame yourself, which is fundamentally wrong. Both are always to blame in any conflict.
However, the husband did not have the desire and patience to try to cope with family problems and he simply fled. No matter how blasphemous it sounds, he has the right to stop loving and leave. You just have to accept his choice and “learn to live with it.” Live in a new way, without him. No matter how painful it may be, you won’t be nice by force. Is it possible to force someone to love you? Have frantic attempts to impose your point of view on a problem and your rejected love on your ex-husband ever lead to a happy ending? Nothing like that comes to mind in my memory. But what about “fighting for your love” and “trying to save your family,” you ask?
Naturally, it won’t be superfluous to just talk with your husband, without humiliating yourself or throwing hysterics, without clinging to him, try to find out the reason for leaving and determine whether it’s worth trying to save the family. Alternatively, you can contact a family psychologist.
In any case, remember that you are a living person, with your own desires and needs and, above all, you have the right to realize them.
Husband doesn't love his wife: signs
A crisis in a relationship hits 99% of couples in love.
Only with the advent of vast life experience, spouses are able to firmly maintain a balance of feelings and respect for each other. Not only women experience stages of doubt, but even men are susceptible to jealousy for no reason and depression caused by fatigue, problems at work and personal life. The main signs that a man no longer has loving feelings towards his significant other:
- absolute indifference to her affairs;
- does not sleep in the same bed with her, or regularly turns away from her;
- ignores joint breakfasts, dinners and lunches on weekends;
- does not give gifts and demands them himself;
- does not want to hear about her difficulties and does not let her know about her affairs;
- nitpicks over trifles and criticizes for minor mistakes;
- does not fulfill her requests and obligations around the house;
- communicates regularly with other women;
- ignores calls from his wife and does not return calls;
- behaves selfishly, not combining achievements, goals and objectives into the word “we”.
There is no need to take radical measures until the true reasons and motives of the spouse’s behavior are clarified; they can be caused by external circumstances that the spouse may not even be aware of.
Women are by nature mysterious and unpredictable creatures, but men should not be underestimated in this regard. Even at the first stage of a relationship, a man is able to misunderstand his nature and confuse being in love with sincere and full-fledged feelings. This then develops into misunderstanding and a complete lack of sympathy for his chosen one. In this case, only separation will help the couple continue to live happily and calmly.
In situations where the woman is directly to blame, she will personally need to correct her attitude towards herself. Often, after betrayal, women demand, after the man’s forgiveness, the same attitude as before. But returning feelings in full is almost impossible and the man’s behavior becomes unpredictable. A detailed reboot of relationships and a change in views on their status are required.
A man does not tolerate humiliation of his personal dignity; if his wife, by mistake or inexperience, in a circle of friends, at a public event, or even in a personal conversation, has questioned her husband’s high self-esteem, then expect an immediate cooling of feelings. The spouse is able to return them to their previous level by promptly apologizing, or by intelligently reducing the situation to the level of comic. In the hope of a sense of humor and understanding on the part of the husband, it is possible to correct this miscalculation, but in the future it is necessary to strengthen concentration and prevent this from happening.
If a man falls in love with another woman, then his feelings for his wife change. When it is clear that he has lost interest in the relationship, but his eyes are burning, this is a clear sign of an outside relationship. In this situation, the wife decides what she should do, return the unfaithful man or file for divorce. Often the presence of joint children forces the spouse to forgive and compromise towards the betrothed, but mistakes should not be forgiven more than once.
My husband is always dissatisfied with something
As a result, the signs are critical and signal. In the first case, it is better to get a divorce, and in the second, turn on the cleansing mode or a new start to the relationship and try to save the marriage.
How to distinguish characteristics by type is indicated in the table:
| Signals that encourage action | Critical signs |
| interest in other women | regular betrayals |
| detention at work | numerous requests for a divorce |
| manifestation of selfishness, withdrawal into oneself | complete lack of emotion |
| lack of passion in sex, ignorance and passivity | disgust towards spouse, cruelty |
Husband communicates with ex-wives - what to do?
As they say - there are many men in the world, but you are alone
It would be a good idea to remember this motto and repeat it to yourself when the next attack of self-flagellation comes over you. No matter how trivial it may sound, we must move on with our lives. Engage in self-development, try to outline and master new goals and horizons. Time is the best healer and you yourself will not notice how, having become interesting to yourself in a new way, other people around you will become interested in you.
The pain and resentment from betrayal will pass over time and their place will be taken by a readiness for some new, positive emotions, perhaps new feelings.
What to change in family life
Having found out why your husband has lost interest in you, you need to carefully consider your line of behavior:
- Forget about everyday life. A man wants to see a loving woman next to him. Stop running around the house with a rag and finally have a romantic date.
- Be interested in your spouse's life. Do you know what your husband is interested in, does he have a hobby? Spend more time with your significant other, be interested in his life and problems, support him.
- Engage in self-development. Remember what you were like when you first met and compare with yourself today. It often happens that one partner continues his development, while the other, on the contrary, remains at the same level or even deteriorates.
Who needs me now with two children?
How to whom? First of all, to the children and to yourself! Yes yes exactly! And it would be nice to always remember this. It’s incredibly difficult for kids in a situation where parents separate. They need your support. And in order to provide it, you yourself need to be strong and, with dignity and wisdom, go through this most difficult page of life with your children. So, the husband said he didn’t love him and left? Not paying attention to all your attempts to reach him with requests to save the family.
Regardless of the happily lived years, how much you had to go through and experience together, the common sorrows and joys, the children who need both parents like air.
Has my husband really lost his feelings?
