Midlife crisis in men: symptoms at 30, 35, 40, 45 and 50 years old.

Perhaps everyone has heard about the midlife crisis in men, but not everyone knows what exactly it is expressed in. Of course, the symptoms of a crisis speak for themselves, and are noticeable not only to the person demonstrating them, but also to those close to him. So, is everyone susceptible to this difficult phenomenon, is there a way to avoid it, and how long does this condition last?

The concept of midlife crisis

Middle age crisis

– a long-term unstable emotional state, characterized by a complete revaluation of experience. The person realizes that he has missed many opportunities that he put off until later in his youth. Thinking about his past life, he begins to doubt himself, the goals achieved and the chosen environment.

It is believed that it is more difficult for a man to cope with a midlife crisis, since by a certain stage society begins to demand significant achievements and success from him. Or he is convinced that this is required of him.

Having analyzed their own results, men often come to the conclusion that they “didn’t do the trick” somewhere and missed the chance. They are no longer satisfied with the existing way of life, and, driven by the goal of “outplaying everything,” they begin to take unpredictable actions. Their ideas about their own personality and about the people around them change.

Fully aware of the transience of life, a man begins to rush to different extremes. Someone decides to divorce, believing that life will begin anew with another partner. Someone is experiencing a series of nervous breakdowns. Others are desperately trying to retain youth by getting involved in youth hobbies and modernizing their appearance almost beyond recognition. Not only the man himself, but also those close to him usually suffer from these drastic changes.

The crisis is felt especially acutely if there are no opportunities for career growth and change, which are possible only with significant cash injections. Life begins to seem empty and unnecessary. The feeling of internal panic is growing more and more noticeably.

Symptoms of crisis in men

At different age periods, the midlife crisis in men manifests itself differently. So, by what symptoms can you identify it?

At 30-35 years old

He is often in a bad mood. He is either silent or communicates without much desire.
There are outbursts of unmotivated aggression, the mood changes radically. He often takes his anger out on his family.
Often looks tired.
Restless sleep.
There is a desire to change your wardrobe.

At 35-40 years old

First of all, a midlife crisis is manifested by obvious dissatisfaction with one’s own appearance. A man begins to react sharply to the appearance of gray hair, signs of baldness or wrinkles. To feel attractive, it is important for him to improve his appearance, and he goes to measures that were previously atypical for himself.
He thinks a lot about his health and sexual capabilities. Wanting to regain his former strength, he begins to pay attention to suspicious drugs that promise incredible possibilities.
One of the hallmarks of a crisis in men may be isolation. This is especially noticeable if we are talking about a previously sociable person.
He experiences worries about the future; it seems unpromising and joyless to him.

At 40-45 years old

He feels like he's backed into a corner. There is a strong desire to radically change your usual life.
Withdraws into himself or displays childishness that was previously atypical for him.
Seeks new sensations, taking unnecessary risks.
One of the most famous symptoms of crisis among married men: the desire to find a mistress.

At 45-50 years old

The man feels a decline in vitality, his health worsens. Often there is an exacerbation of chronic diseases, and new ones appear. Even with absolute health, natural changes appear in the body, reminding a man of approaching old age. This is especially difficult for those who treat their appearance with special attention and trepidation.
It seems to the man that just recently he was listening to knowledge from others, but now a role change is approaching. He notices that more and more often he is expected to give advice and responsibility. It is especially acutely felt that youth is left behind.
One of the most negative symptoms of a crisis: self-absorption. A man doubts that he has lived a huge part of his life correctly, is not sure of his choice, and regrets many actions. Even those individuals who outwardly appear to be completely wealthy and successful are susceptible to these feelings.

Pathogenesis

The origin of the crisis in midlife was studied in detail by E. Erikson. According to his theory, at the age of 35-50 certain developmental tasks are formed, the solution of which requires the acquisition of new skills and abilities. The successful completion of a crisis allows you to gain new experience and find peace of mind. The main task is to make a choice between stagnation of the “I” (Ego) and generativity, that is, the spread of interests beyond the boundaries of one’s own well-being. When implementing the second option, one identifies oneself with other people, with future generations, which partly solves the existential problem of the meaning of life and the inevitability of death. Choosing stagnation of the “I” means returning and reconciling with the acquired ways of functioning. A person prefers a familiar, comfortable state and refuses to experience stressful situations. This often leads to disappointment, dissatisfaction, and depression in the future.

Possible reasons

So, what are the causes of a midlife crisis? Even the designation itself indicates the negative aspects of the phenomenon, but if you look at it from a different point of view, you can also see some positive aspects: a revision of your life principles. Sometimes a person really needs to change something to make things better. Each person has their own reasons for immersing themselves in this state.

If we talk directly about the crisis in men, we can highlight some general aspects:

Former goals cease to be interesting and lose their original meaning, but new ones have not yet emerged.
There is no former satisfaction from the field of activity.
There is no desired self-realization, a certain limit has been reached in one’s career, and further growth in the profession is problematic.
Married life is unsatisfying and seems like a mistake.
Unfulfilled plans come to mind, and a suspicion begins to arise that a wrong choice was made over a certain period of time.
Changes of a physiological nature make themselves felt, and functional disorders of libido are especially upsetting.
A growing feeling of the transience of life, of inevitable old age. If earlier retirement seemed like something far away, now it is just a few years away, which is seriously depressing. Depression sets in, and unpleasant thoughts constantly hover in your mind.

Complications

Without the help of psychologists and the support of relatives, the crisis in men drags on and is accompanied by destructive emotional and personal changes. The most common complication is depression. It is formed when one refuses to actively resolve the basic conflict, “escapes” from the problem. Relationships and activities remain the same, but internal dissatisfaction accumulates, the idea of the meaninglessness of further existence and the unattainability of happiness is consolidated. In addition, depression can develop after overcoming the crisis and assessing its consequences - loss of marital, friendly, professional relationships, loss of career, income.

How long does a midlife crisis last for men?

Any man facing a midlife crisis wonders how long it will last. This topic worries not only him, but also those people who are close to him. Some individuals do not fully realize that this is a midlife crisis: it seems to them that life has been revealed to them as it really is, this process is natural and cannot have any ending. In fact, this is an individual question.

A person can remain in this state for several months, but in some cases the crisis can reach several years, especially worsening in moments of difficult life situations. The first manifestations can be noticed already at the age of 30 - this date becomes a kind of milestone for many. Further, the symptoms become more noticeable and complex. Usually, by the age of 50, a man accepts his age and stops worrying, finding more and more advantages in it.

The motor is acting up

At age 40–50, men experience a peak in cardiovascular disease. It is generally accepted that this is due to stress, which abounds at this age. But this is one part of the problem. Another is that after 40 years, circulatory disorders begin. In men, the diameter of blood vessels decreases, this is due to the development of fibrous connective tissue in them, which also grows in the heart muscle. As a result, the lumen of the arteries narrows, blood flows more slowly, and the heart and other organs do not receive enough nutrition.

The growth of fibrous tissue is a natural and inevitable process. But diseases such as atherosclerosis, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, as well as the notorious stress, aggravate these manifestations, hence the “unexpected” heart attacks and strokes in seemingly young and vibrant men. By the way, the same hormones increase the risk of developing cardiovascular diseases.

Article on the topic Preventive examinations for men: what tests should be taken after 30 years?

If estrogen has a positive effect on the female heart, then in men with high levels of this hormone the risk of “heart problems” becomes 5 times higher. Research by scientists at the University of Cambridge has shown that if testosterone levels are reduced by at least a quarter of normal, the risk of dying from cardiovascular disease in men increases by 40%.

How can a man survive age crises?

A midlife crisis in men can be quite difficult, and when faced with it, it is better to immediately take certain measures rather than wait for the situation to arise on its own.

So what to do:

Come to the realization that the crisis will not last forever, you need to survive it, put your thoughts in order.
Treat yourself like a teenager who needs boundaries so that he doesn't get into more trouble.
Do not delve into meaningless fantasies that lead to rash steps and prevent you from gaining the strength needed to overcome the problem.
Don't take your feelings too literally. You feel like you want to “drop everything and run away” - this is not the most reasonable decision. Surely, your difficulties can be overcome in a less radical way.
In order for life to change, it is not at all necessary to fuss and make sudden movements. Move towards changes slowly but surely, without destroying along the way what was previously built with considerable difficulty.
Realize that many opportunities are missed and accept it. Analyze why you didn't do what you wanted. Write down your options on paper. Think about what else you can do and write down on paper how you can achieve it.
Think about what priorities you have built in the past and which ones you would like to focus on now. Reflect on what changes you can make without completely destroying your usual life.
Think about the things you value in your life that you wouldn't want to lose. Remember these things, stick to them.

How to help a person (husband, friend) overcome a midlife crisis

Do you want to help a loved one overcome a midlife crisis? First of all, be patient. Do not demand that he immediately contact a psychologist. Just be there, don’t overreact to the manifestations of his psychological state.

What can you do to help your husband:

Try to make your family life more diverse
. Invite him to go to a concert, to a new restaurant, to attractions, to the pool. Do some sports together, attend some courses. Show him that you can live brightly not only in your youth.
Talk to your husband more often
. An open and friendly conversation will allow a man to share his feelings and talk about the moments that worry him. Show him that there are many aspects that he can be proud of. He certainly has strengths - remind him of them.
It’s not easy for you now either, but if you want to help a loved one, try not to run away from problems and not to blame your husband for strange behavior
. Tears, indifference or reproaches in this case are a direct road to divorce. Provide him with psychological support, and subsequently your participation will be appreciated.
No matter how hard the husband experiences it psychologically, the sexual side is no less important for him
. Show your spouse, who is acutely experiencing a midlife crisis, that you want to be attractive and sexy for him.

In a word

Most likely, the couple has been married for a long time. The wife studied the second half in detail. There come moments when the husband reproaches himself for being useless and gives arguments of inadequacy. During this period, remind him of his achievements. Tell us how proud you are of him, give specific facts. Tell him how needed he is, how the children miss him when he is at work, how much you love him. For every attack regarding his worthlessness, have a phrase in stock to parry the negativity. A man should be confident that he is loved and welcome at home. That he is needed and important for the family.

Psychological recommendations

The midlife crisis in men is quite painful, but some recommendations will allow you to endure it calmly and quickly.

Embrace your life

Want something new? This is impossible without accepting what already exists. Admit that at some stage you have made mistakes, but there are many good things in your life. Analyze what qualities prevent you from achieving your goals. Think about what you could achieve in the future and how your experience can help you achieve it.

Your values

The midlife crisis in men allows us to reconsider existing values. They can change periodically, and there is nothing unnatural about this. Think about what is of particular importance to you? What is dear to you?

Take care of your health

Do you suspect a health problem? Go to the doctor, don't risk it. Depression and apathy can be not only a symptom of a midlife crisis - serious illnesses cannot be ruled out. Lead a healthy lifestyle, do not indulge in alcohol and junk food, remember about physical activity.

Bring balance to your life

Balance in all areas of life gives a sense of control. Distribute your time between family, work, friends, entertainment.

Look for goals

At any age, you can find a purpose that gives meaning to life. Stop dwelling on missed opportunities and focus on new ones. Determine a list of things that will help you feel more comfortable and happier. Stop thinking abstractly - set a goal and go towards it.

Work on your relationships

It is easier to overcome any problem when you are with a loved one. By contacting other people, we become more resistant to stress - do not withdraw into yourself. Communicate with family and friends, ask for support, help them in their difficulties - participate in the lives of people important to you.

Find time to do what you love

Find a hobby you love and devote time to it. It seems that even a small activity takes all your energy, but by doing what you love, you will feel less tired. Perhaps in your youth you dreamed of devoting yourself to some business, but now you believe that time has been lost. Reconsider your beliefs - perhaps you will be able to express yourself differently in your chosen field. Think about the people you admire, think about the hobbies that inspire them. Perhaps such hobbies will suit you too?

Don't stop developing

Don't close yourself off from life, be curious, develop in several areas. The world never stands still, and you don't stop. Attend interesting trainings, discover exciting courses, read interesting literature.

Listen to yourself

There are no perfect people - everyone experiences regrets about something that did not happen. This is not a reason to close yourself off from life. Do you know yourself well? What do you like, what are your tastes and needs? Are you satisfying your simplest desires? Please yourself more often in small things, show sensitivity.

More positive

Be attentive to your emotional state. A crisis in men can lead to emotional burnout. Develop resistance to stress, discard pessimistic reasoning. Realize that having gone through a certain period of life, you have acquired the necessary wisdom and experience - this is valuable luggage for building the future.

Stages of midlife crisis in men

People who are forced to watch the development of a crisis in a loved one often do not know what to expect from him. We are talking about a problem that has several stages. With a successful development of events, a man quickly goes through all stages, but sometimes he lingers at one of them for a long period. How to understand which stage has arrived, what are its characteristic signs?

So, the stages of a midlife crisis in men.

Depression

Characteristic of any psychological crisis. A logical manifestation of dissatisfaction and disappointment of a man who feels like a loser. Depression can be in a mild stage, appearing only at peak moments, and in a severe stage. In the second case, a person completely abstracts from the world around him, plunging into dark thoughts. This happens more often to men who experience regular mood swings. If depression is truly a stage of crisis in a man, and not a manifestation of some disease, then it will be followed by the next one.

Anger

A destructive emotion that causes rejection from others. Having pulled himself together, a person can use anger for good - it will become a powerful mechanism for achieving goals, overcoming barriers and fears, and defending one’s own boundaries. Having correctly assessed the current stage, a man gains strength for transformation - this is a positive moment.

The negative aspect is the destructive action aimed at loved ones. Often they are assigned the role of “culprits” in the troubles of a person in crisis. He often states that if it weren’t for them, life would have turned out differently. Additional manifestations of the stage: nervous breakdowns, wastefulness (a person buys all sorts of nonsense, trying to prove that he can afford it), showing interest in drinking, provoking close people into conflicts.

Reclusion

A person notices that he wants to be alone. He gets annoyed by everyone - even those with whom he used to have a good time. If a man is married, then the wife will be the first to feel the manifestations of the stage, expressed in dissatisfaction with her company, irritability during meetings or conversations. The man declares that he wants to be alone, and a caring or offended wife does not bother him much.

The main signs of the stage:

Avoiding meeting friends and relatives.
Recency. He reluctantly supports attempts to start a conversation, sometimes gets irritated, and withdraws.
Pessimistic thoughts.
Passion for alcoholic beverages, even if previously I was indifferent to them.
Constant self-flagellation, self-pity, search for the meaning of life.
Terminal stage

An important stage in the formation of a new way of thinking for a man. Any psychological crisis does not pass without a trace, and “the way it was” will no longer be. It is important to draw the right conclusions from this state and acquire the necessary values. The old personality remains in the past - the man understands that he has undergone a significant transformation. In the thermal stage, the midlife crisis moves into a new stage of development. Having overcome the previous stages, a man rethinks his life and plans for the future; almost nothing remains of his former personality.

Characteristic manifestations of the stage:

A person wants to try “something new” and takes previously atypical actions. It may be limited to a change of hobby, but radical changes also happen: a new marriage, a change in social circle, a different job, a move.
He demonstrates in every possible way that he is ready for radical changes, broadcasting this with his appearance and statements.
He stops infringing on himself, allowing much of what he previously considered unacceptable.
Excessively attentive to appearance and health. He goes to the gym, visits salons, and adheres to a special nutrition system.

Adoption

The final stage. The main difference between a strong and mature personality and an immature one is that she takes responsibility for her current life and current state. He also understands that it is he who decides how to further build his destiny. He stops regretting missed chances and concentrates on opportunities that can become reality. Having entered the stage of acceptance, a person comes to terms with everything that happened and turns his gaze to the future.

Other manifestations of the stage

The man behaves calmer and more confident.
Mood changes occur less and less often, emotions return to normal.
He becomes more tolerant of issues that previously caused protest and acute rejection in him.
He understands that he behaved unfairly towards people close to him, feels guilty before them, and makes attempts to make amends for it.
Periodically, briefly returns to previous stages (anger, depression), but quickly pulls himself together.

Gradually, the manifestation of the previous stages becomes less noticeable, and subsequently they completely disappear.

Is it all the wife's fault?

At the age of forty, a man's suffering is concentrated on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as you and I already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, well-being and masculine strength.

He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only duty remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man the least in his forties. A sense of duty cannot make him happy, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him; it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe deeply and feel young. The marital bed grows cold. And the wife is “to blame” for this too.

A man feels that no one understands him, he is endlessly lonely, everyone needs something from him, but no one needs him. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality become for a man a sign of intolerable unhappiness: “If I cried, then life is truly terrible.”

The following text can be printed out and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother your spouse with “composing” the reasons for dissatisfaction and disappointment.

You have become unsexy and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
There is nothing to talk about with you, you have no interests except household chores and your girlfriends.
You no longer understand me, I am completely alone in my family.
You don’t play sports, so you look blurry and flabby.
You are only busy with your career and rags.
You are treating me like a consumer.
I need freedom, and you are constantly spying on me.
I worked all my life, now I want to live for myself.
There are a lot of problems at home, this is how you raised your children! I was busy with work, earning money. It’s unclear what you were doing.
You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
Don't pester me with stupid questions! You still won't understand what's wrong with me.