Crisis of 30 years in men: symptoms, causes, how to overcome

Crisis Irina Vasilyeva The complexity and depth of men's experiences are rarely taken seriously by the average person. The image of a real man: this is an imperturbable warrior, a steadfast and reliable friend, a knight without fear or reproach. Most men in the post-Soviet space, not succumbing to the influence of LGBT communities, try to adhere to a brutal image. But under the harsh shells hide sensitive and vulnerable souls. The crisis of 30 years in men is a test of strength not only of the man himself, but also of those around him. What do you need to be prepared for so that a crisis period does not take you by surprise?

Good afternoon, dear reader! Today we will lift the veil of secrecy and take a look where only those closest to us are allowed: into the very essence of the severe male crisis that overtakes the stronger sex at the age of about thirty.

Beginning and duration of the crisis period

The crisis period does not begin exactly the minute a man turns 30. According to statistics, problems appear between the ages of 27 and 34. They do not come suddenly, because all men face disappointment in themselves and their lives. It’s just that not everyone has the courage to admit it right away.

As for the duration, it is impossible to say exactly how long the crisis will last. There are men who, having realized the problem, pull themselves together and normalize their condition in a couple of months. Others remain depressed for years without even trying to change anything.

shorten this unpleasant period of time, as well as
reduce the severity of its symptoms :

support from family and friends;
stable financial position;
stable character, presence of willpower;
stable job, career growth.

The position of a man in society also plays an important role.

Yaroslav:

“I live quite comfortably alone, I’m able to entertain myself, find something to do.” Have I ever thought about starting a family? Yes of course. And I decided that until I provide myself with funds for the rest of my life, I will not consider this issue for myself. Besides, I don’t yet understand exactly how I could connect my life with another person. It’s not that I have a bad character, quite the opposite, I just really value my personal and free time. As for children, there can be no talk of any freedom of action; children require all parental attention, and even if you don’t have to go to work, saying that you’re sick, you won’t tell the child that.

The essence of the problem

The age of 30 is considered a certain milestone, after which a man becomes mature. Essentially, this is a turning point that prompts you to take stock, reconsider your goals and, perhaps, work on mistakes.

According to the men themselves, this period is closely connected with three important themes :

First - a feeling of irrevocably passing time. Someone at 30 has already been called an “old man”, someone suddenly realized that their health is no longer the same and nightly entertainment in a club is fraught with extremely unpleasant consequences in the form of headaches, hangovers and the thought that it would be better to sleep at home.
The situation gets worse if the man looks around. Often he sees more successful peers and realizes that he is lagging behind them. Time is running out, but he never got the education he wanted, didn’t get the girl he was in love with, didn’t agree to a lucrative job offer, etc. And these moments cannot be returned.
There are people who are trying to change something. But in most cases, representatives of the stronger half of humanity remain in place with a lot of regrets and feelings of guilt. They understand that time and opportunities are running out, but they do nothing to take advantage of them.
Second A theme associated with the crisis of 30 years for men is the assessment of one’s own identity. Society offers its own description of a successful man. And if the latter does not correspond to it, problems begin.
So, according to the generally accepted template, the person who has achieved career heights, acquired real estate and a car, etc. will be successful. A man who works in a factory and lives in a rented apartment or with his parents is automatically excluded from the list of successful people.
Third topic. It looks like this: the world will not bend under us. At some point, a man understands that sometimes he has to play by the rules established by society. This is necessary in order to protect the family, keep a job, etc. You have to make concessions and negotiate compromises with your conscience.

Yakov:

— There is one close friend, he is thirty-five, he has never married in his life, there was no question about children at all. In real life he is a wonderful person, cheerful, cheerful, highly erudite. It's hard to say that he is severely deprived of something. But almost all his acquaintances believe that he is only hiding the bitterness and frustration that remains after such a gray life. When I heard this again, I really wanted to know for myself, so to speak, for the future - is it really so? I hardly remember the direct quote now, but here’s what he roughly told me: “Listen, I live like this, I remember my youth, I had fun, so why should I suddenly, after a certain number of years lived, feel sad and bad?”

Causes

The reasons for the development of the crisis at the age of thirty flow smoothly from the topics described above.

There are several of them:

inability to realize long-standing plans, goals and dreams;
lack of money, low income;
lack of real estate, car and other “signs” of success;
problems in personal life;
presence of serious diseases;
tense social situation.

According to many psychologists, this list is more than conditional. The crisis at 30 also happens to successful men who are satisfied with their lives. And it doesn’t matter how much money they have, whether they have an apartment or a family . It turns out that the root cause lies much deeper.

According to statistics, by the age of 30, in the life of every man, without exception, a reassessment of values and a rearrangement of priorities occurs. Looking back, he realizes that in many situations he could have acted differently. But time has already passed. Awareness of this provokes the development of depression, the emergence of a feeling of inadequacy and, as a consequence, the development of a crisis.

Alexander:

- Family and children as an obligatory attribute of a “successful, full-fledged” man in the present time are nothing more than a relic of the past. The time when the average life expectancy was just thirty years is long gone. So why, in the twenty-first century, continue to live, thinking in categories from a reality that is different for us currently living? Those who think progressively are unlikely to worry about this. But those who have been brainwashed by so-called traditional values, spiritual bonds and other delusional fairy tales, such characters are most likely worried if by the age of thirty they have not gotten married and have not had a whole horde of back-eaters.

Symptoms and manifestations

Everyone experiences the crisis of their thirties differently. Everyone has their own character and personality traits. Therefore, the symptoms may differ. But overall the picture looks like this :

A man decides to reconsider his goals and views. He loses motivation and desire to move on.
There is a desire to feel sorry for oneself, and with it dissatisfaction with what is happening in life and complaints about society.
Personal life is deteriorating. Feelings cool, the desire to spend time together disappears. Sex is a rare guest. But even the one that exists does not bring much pleasure or, to be more precise, satisfaction.
Even those activities that used to bring pleasure are not enjoyable. I don’t want to build a career or change anything.
The man gets the feeling of being in a cage. It seems to him that life is unfair to him. He experiences fatigue, apathy, and a feeling of devastation.

Few men immediately realize that they are facing a crisis of 30 years. Most often they think about banal fatigue . But during a crisis period, they are supplemented by complaints about work and life in general, deterioration of relationships with family and friends, and reluctance to work.

A man sits more and more at the computer, wanders aimlessly on social networks, and watches a lot of TV. Plus, he devalues everything he has achieved in the past.

Psychological aspect of the 33-year-old crisis

The problem is accompanied by a physiological and psychological aspect. The latter causes depression in men,

Therefore, it is necessary to fight it first of all.

Basically, depression can occur if a man has problems with work or family. In the first case, you need to weigh everything correctly and come to the conclusion whether a man really needs this job. The best option would be to change it.

If there are conflicts in the family, then you need to realize and reconsider your behavior. Taking a step towards each other can solve all family problems.

If the psychological situation is only heating up, then you will need to consult a specialist

, which deals with such problems.
If the depression is deep, then the only way to overcome the midlife crisis is medication:

Antidepressants. These drugs help combat depression, as well as improve your mood and overall well-being.
Tranquilizers. Treatment with these drugs is short-term and the result occurs only after 2 weeks
, but the result will be very good. But they should not be abused.
Vitamins. To normalize the nervous system you need to use vitamin
B. You can also take other vitamins to improve the overall tone of the body.
Mood stabilizers. The drugs are prescribed to suppress depression and stabilize a person’s mood.

Treatment with medications should only be carried out with the help of a specialist.

Self-medication can be harmful to health.

Ways to overcome

The advice concerns not only the man facing a crisis, but also partly his family:

Create a good atmosphere in the house .
Although men are considered the stronger sex, no less than women need support. It is important for them to want to return home, to know that they are expected there, listened to and understood.
Warm relations are the key to ensuring that the crisis passes with minimal difficulties.
Minimize the amount of stress. It's not just about work and relationships with people around you. A lot of information that can cause stress comes from TV. Therefore, it would be nice to reduce the time you watch it and thereby protect your nervous system from unnecessary stress.
Allocate sufficient time for sleep and rest . According to doctors, 8 hours of sleep will help you fully relax, get a charge of vigor and good mood for the whole day.
Find a hobby . This is advice in case none of the activities that you liked before bring joy. You can, for example, remember what you wanted to do as a child. Now is the best time to make your dreams come true.
Go on a trip . It is not necessary to immediately rush for a trip to the islands. To begin with, you can find interesting places in your home or neighboring city. A change of scenery is a good opportunity to reboot.
Self-care . We are talking about both physical and spiritual care. The first involves changing your image, playing sports or any other feasible physical activity. You can even start with short walks in the fresh air in the nearest park. Spiritual self-care - reading, communicating with interesting people, gaining new knowledge, etc.

In cases where all efforts are in vain, men facing a crisis at 30 years old are advised to consult a psychologist.

What happens after?

As with any other age-related crisis, when it ends, life will change a lot. It will contain new rules and settings. Rethinking his past and achievements , the man:

draw conclusions;
will find the right direction to move;
will set new goals.

He will reach a completely different level of relationships not only with the people around him, but also in the family. We can say that his life will become more orderly and rational.

Bachelor-intellectual.

Caring like in the 19th century. Flowers, sweets, “oh how it suits you”, “if you please”, “do you mind if I do”. And just as long. Dresses elegantly, long coat, silk scarf, kid gloves, umbrella-cane. Cultural events are his credo. Philharmonic, vernissage, chapel. An inspired face, eyes closed, lips trembling with admiration, he doesn’t see you until the final chord. Then he leans to his ear and whispers: “That was divine.” As a gift he brings a rare edition of the Celtic Chronicles in Latin. It rarely comes to intimate relationships. If it does, then the partner falls asleep even before he finishes admiring her divine body out loud.

Source: www.bt-lady.com.ua

The importance of the period and the correctness of its passage

As stated above, the duration of the crisis, as well as the strength of the manifestations of its symptoms, largely depend on how a man relates to this period. Those who do not take it seriously often make a lot of mistakes:

Instability .
The man continues to behave the same way as before, experiments. He takes on several tasks at once and does not complete any of them; he cannot decide on a profession. Most often, such representatives of the strong half of humanity go with the flow, are inactive, thereby destroying themselves.
Closedness . This mistake lies in the fact that such a man is easy to suppress in any of his endeavors. He can draw up a life plan for the coming years and strictly follow it. But then, with the advent of the crisis, he realizes that the best years should have been spent on something else. In a fit of emotion, he can easily give up everything he has been able to achieve.
Successful success . Yes, men often successfully move forward. They are capable of any task, they easily overcome all difficulties and reach the top. But they don't stay on them. All because of the mistaken belief that their self-doubt and low self-esteem will disappear after achieving success. But, unfortunately, this does not happen.

Such behavior patterns do not lead to anything good. A man only aggravates the condition, spoils relationships with others, devalues his achievements, etc.

Married dude.

Walks like a gogol. Looks straight. At home, obsequiously sweet. He treats vodka with contempt, but he proudly drinks disgusting cheap whiskey, accompanied by a boring story about the dangers with which a diplomat he knew stole this bottle for him personally from the cupboard of a CIA nuclear bunker. He willingly goes to cultural events, but he keeps his eyes looking around all the time, afraid to run into acquaintances. Talkative in bed. He can spend hours retelling the Kama Sutra, tries to make love in unimaginable positions, and fails. After which he looks at his watch and runs home, promising to tell next time why nothing worked this time.

Options for adaptive behavior in times of crisis in men

Managing your own mental state

As you already know from previous publications, the ability to intelligently and consciously control emotional and physical states is an important building block on the path to success. This means working through mastering self-regulation techniques: meditation, visualization, breathing practices, yoga, qigong, working using body and even dance movement therapy methods.

For those who want to receive an effective set of self-regulation techniques and feedback on their assimilation in one bottle, there is my online training “How to cope with stress, turning it from a monster into a helper.” Each training session includes both theory and practice. In addition, after completing your homework, you can count on having it assessed by a specialist.

What should girls do to please such men?

There is no universal method or approach in this matter. A girl just needs to be herself and not pretend to be anyone, because falsehood is always felt. The right person will pay attention to her himself, so there is no need to do anything special.

Middle-aged men are more scrupulous in choosing a soul mate - that's a fact. And there are good reasons for this, for each their own. However, in the end, only careful selection and a serious approach in this matter can help them find a suitable life partner and find complete spiritual harmony with her.

Chubby instead of macho

Keep in mind that not all men fall into the clutches of a crisis due to unsatisfied ambitions. For some, events develop according to a different scenario. One day, the faithful approaches the mirror and discovers in it not the handsome macho man he is accustomed to consider himself to be, but a plump mattress with a belly protruding from under his T-shirt, bags under his eyes and a bald patch breaking through his once thick curls. Here, of course, I remember yesterday’s shortness of breath after climbing to the third floor, and my own children, whom I want to wash, cut, change clothes and rip off their headphones from where strange music is playing, and my wife in a classic torn robe. A vile thought appears in the unfortunate man’s head: “God, I’m not young anymore! I don't understand my offspring! And who will explain to me what this woman is doing in my house? The result of such sad thoughts is depression, melancholy and, again, the desire to change everything.