School or kindergarten, clubs and sections, flows of information and new experiences, and even flows of demands from parents and teachers... It is not surprising that many modern children, even very young ones, are in constant stress. How to recognize its signs?
The word “stress” is of English origin; translated it means “pressure, load, tension.” It occurs as a result of intellectual and emotional overload.
While adults can recognize symptoms of stress and seek help, children have a much harder time. The child does not understand what exactly is happening to him, does not know how to get rid of a bad mood. Therefore, parents should be able to recognize signs of stress in time and help the baby cope with the situation.
Fears
If an ordinary child suddenly turns into a desperate coward, it means that he is clearly under stress. Parents should be alerted if a child closes doors everywhere, constantly checks whether the lock is locked, and turns on lights everywhere. He is already afraid not only of a dark room, but also of a picture on the wall, and noise on the stairs, and silence.
What to do? Actively involve your child in play, drawing - both of these activities are good for relaxing. With their help, try to understand, or quietly eavesdrop on the child’s conversations with toys.
What psychologists advise
In order to cope with the aggressive behavior of a 5-year-old child, you need to find out the cause and stimulating factors of anger.
Parents of those children who are prone to aggression must learn to manage the behavior of their children. Positive contact should be established with the child, and parents should praise him for good behavior.
At the age of 5, a child should not be physically punished. Such punishment will not stop an aggressive child; on the contrary, the problem will worsen. If children who are prone to aggression are punished, they begin to misbehave more often, but hide their actions.
In this case, the child’s psyche may be shaken, and he will develop a desire for violence. Children with such behavior are classified as high-risk groups. As adults, these children are at risk of developing mental illness.
Psychologists believe that a common problem among parents is children’s quarrels with their sisters and brothers. If a child behaves this way towards his family, then with unfamiliar children, he may simply become uncontrollable.
The task of parents is to teach a 5-year-old child the basics of social behavior and emotion management skills.
One of the options is martial arts classes, where the child learns not only the basics of self-defense, but also learns correct behavior.
Teachers and parents should make it clear to children that all issues can be resolved peacefully, learn to assess the situation and control their emotions.
How to reduce a child's aggressiveness through play activities
“Toy in the fist”: Give the child the task of closing his eyes. Let him take a toy or candy in his hand. Then the baby should firmly grasp this object in his fist. After a few seconds, you need to ask to open the handle. The surprise that the child sees in the palm of his hand will be a pleasant surprise.
“Bag of anger”: You need to have a “bag of anger” at home. The child will “put” his aggressive emotions into this bag. If you take an ordinary ball, but instead of air, fill it with grain or sand, then a container will appear where negative aspects are hidden. This pouch is used to avoid aggression.
“Tuh-tibi-duh.” If the child begins to get angry, then you need to invite him to walk around the room, saying the phrase: “Tuh-tibi-doh.”
Words should be pronounced very actively, with anger. As soon as the baby starts to laugh, you need to stop saying these words.
Aggressiveness
If you notice that your baby, who was previously so docile and friendly, suddenly began to be rude, answer sharply, throw toys and books at the wall, swing at others, know that these are signs of stress.
What to do? Aggression cannot be prohibited; it is better to try to translate it into other forms: learn to defend one’s rightness, analyze the situation together. Look for a constructive outlet for the child’s pent-up energy: active sports, outdoor games with other children, start a puppet fight.
4. Mood swings
The child is sometimes touchy for no reason, can easily cry over an insignificant reason, or, on the contrary, becomes too aggressive. Older children or depressed, depressive mood that lasts for days, weeks - all this should also alarm parents.
What to do? Have a heart-to-heart talk with your child and find out what is causing him concern. Teach him to understand and constructively express his emotions. Pay attention to even the smallest achievements. Monitor your child's daily routine, diet and sleep.
Forms and purposes of aggression in five-year-old children
Aggression in children aged five can be expressed both physically and verbally. Moreover, aggressive behavior can have either a mental or emotional basis. What is the reason for the aggressiveness of five-year-old children? What do they want to achieve with their bellicose behavior?
And the goals for children can be the following:
- expressing your anger and hostility;
- an attempt to show one's superiority;
- intimidate others;
- achieve what you want in any way;
- an attempt to overcome any fears.
Modern psychologists distinguish between 2 options for the manifestation of aggression in children of this age:
- This is impulsive aggression, which is committed in a hysterical state, it manifests itself spontaneously and is accompanied by very high emotional stress.
- Predatory aggression, which, most often, is planned as a way to get what you want. For example, by deliberately breaking a toy, a child throws an aggressive tantrum in order to be bought another one.
Moreover, psychologists note that children who are more developed at 5 years old choose the tactics of aggression according to the second option. Whereas, less developed children are more prone to impulsive aggression.
The behavior of children from 4 to 6 years old is characterized by the manifestation of anger towards peers. During this period, children begin to realize that they are part of society, so they have contradictions and grievances, both real and far-fetched. It is these feelings that make the child attack others.
Health problems
Parents are often confused by inexplicable symptoms: vomiting, rash, fever, abdominal pain and other oddities - all this can happen due to nervousness if the child is very worried.
What to do? First, establish the psychological climate in the family, check whether the demands of family and school are not too different. They must be clear and consistent. Ideally, you should work with a child psychologist on the child’s self-esteem and be sure to check whether your son or daughter has personal time and space.
How can parents survive this period?
The age crisis of 7 years in a child’s life becomes a crisis in the educational system of parents. Previous measures of influence applied to a son or daughter cease to be effective. Therefore, it is important for parents to show flexibility and reconsider their views on raising yesterday’s preschooler.
To begin with, stop overprotecting the child and provide reasonable freedom to the developing personality. But in order not to worry and continue to ensure the safety of your child, use the “Where are my children” application from the AppStore and GooglePlay. With it, you will always know where your child is, what he is doing and how things are going at school.
10 NOT for parents:
- DO NOT try to place straws at every step of the child.
- DO NOT overload with clubs and sections after school.
- DO NOT force or put pressure on the child.
- DO NOT criticize his friends.
- DO NOT ignore your child's problems at school.
- DO NOT scold or ridicule for mistakes and mistakes.
- DO NOT speak negatively about the school or teachers.
- DO NOT compare your child with other children.
- DO NOT humiliate or physically punish.
- DO NOT annoy you with conversations about the onset of “adulthood”.
The natural desire of all parents is to protect their child from all sorts of troubles in life. However, if you constantly monitor and correct his every step, then the son or daughter will never learn to live an independent life.
The most sensible thing parents can do during a 7-year crisis is to prepare their children to overcome difficulties on their own.
10 POSSIBLE for parents:
- Spend more time with your child.
- Show your love for your son or daughter with hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement.
- Allow the child to solve problems himself, where he can do it.
- Accept the child's individuality.
- Help you gain self-confidence.
- Talk on any topic.
- Listen carefully without interrupting.
- Leave time for games.
- Laugh and have fun together.
- Help with homework, but only if the child asks.
Decreased academic performance
The fact that a child is in a poor psycho-emotional state is indicated by such signs as impaired memory functions, difficulties with imagination, poor concentration, loss of interest in everything that previously aroused curiosity.
What to do? Take an interest in the children’s school affairs every day. “What are the grades?”, ask about his feelings, mood, support him. Do not skimp on praise, notice even the most insignificant achievements of the child. If possible, help your child complete difficult tasks.
8. Fatigue
, difficulties with studying, which used to be easy. The child gets tired quickly after exercise, is absent-minded, forgetful, and restless.
What to do? Find out about childhood experiences and emotions. To help your child feel supported, make sure he knows that you are available any time he wants to talk to you about his problems. Appreciate your child in all situations and hug as often as possible.
Typical traits of a five-year-old aggressor
Aggressive behavior of five-year-old children is expressed in the fact that they lose control, argue with elders, and behave rudely and ruthlessly with peers. Such a child will never admit to his mistakes; he will definitely justify himself and shift the blame onto other children.
Traits such as vindictiveness, envy, wariness and suspicion are characteristic of children prone to aggression.
If you observe the behavior of five-year-old bullies, you will notice the following signs:
- the child constantly tries to bully, push or call other children;
- he likes to break or destroy things;
- he constantly tries to provoke others, angers teachers, parents or peers in order to receive reciprocal aggression;
- he deliberately does not fulfill the demands of adults, for example, does not go to wash his hands, does not tidy up toys, in order to be scolded. Moreover, having received a remark, he may burst into tears so that they begin to feel sorry for him. This is how an aggressive child can “release” internal tension and anxiety.
Insulation
A state of psychological stress can manifest itself in a child in a desire for loneliness. He stops participating in the games of his peers and has difficulty maintaining discipline.
What to do? First you need to deal with the stressful situation; if the child does not currently have the resources to communicate, there is no need to insist. If he wants to, help your child make friends with one child first: go to the park or to the theater together. Children's communication trainings (for example, group sand therapy classes) are an excellent way to cope with this problem.
Who can help with enuresis?
A neuropsychiatrist will help with enuresis. Additionally, you need to be examined to exclude malformations of the urinary tract and spine, diabetes mellitus, and diseases of the central nervous system. You will need consultations with a pediatrician, endocrinologist, laboratory tests, ultrasound examination of the kidneys and bladder (ultrasound), EEG (electroencephalography).
Treatment of enuresis is complex. Drug treatment (psychopharmacotherapy) is aimed at eliminating anxiety and fears and stabilizing mood. Psychotherapy - to eliminate emotional disorders and change behavior, in particular, maintaining a daily routine, eating and drinking regime - limiting fluids, eating foods only with a low liquid content. Other non-drug methods of influence are acupuncture and manual therapy.
Compulsive symptoms
Indicators of a stressed state in a child include winding hair around fingers, as well as coughing, trembling hands, shaking the head, twitching of the shoulders, playing with the genitals, bedwetting and even daytime urinary incontinence, and stuttering.
What to do? Adequate physical activity can help a child survive stress: daily walks, jogging, cycling, morning exercises. The child should have the opportunity to express his emotions and fully rest, relax after a hard day.
If the situation gets out of control, do not neglect the help of a child psychologist and neurologist.
Each of the signs listed above may indicate that the baby is under stress. Be attentive to your child: if parents ignore these alarming signals, this can not only lead to permanent health problems in the baby (for example), but also affect the formation of his personal qualities.
Grodno Regional Children's Clinical Hospital
Details Published June 20, 2017
Childhood neurosis:
how do you buy it?
It would take a long time to list the causes of childhood neuroses. The main thing is to understand that the causes of nervous diseases in children lie not in the imperfections of the child’s nature, but in the mistakes of upbringing. Some parents, taking their children to doctors, asking why the child has tics, enuresis, stuttering, fears, talk about extraneous causes of the disease. But by doing this, they are throwing themselves “into a healthy head” - if such a pun is appropriate here. The root cause lies within themselves.
How to develop neurosis in your child?
1. Establish a difficult relationship with your spouse. Without problematic communication, your child will not develop neurosis.
2. There is no need to strive to fulfill your parental responsibilities. Try to get as much rest from your children as possible!
3. Do not raise a child, but transfer this honorable responsibility to another family member, for example, a grandmother.
4. You need to live your life. You haven't realized yourself! Live for yourself for now. It doesn't matter that you are 30–40 years old. You are still small (little) and need care yourself.
5. You need to live an easy life, think about today, and not worry about such trifles as raising a child.
The reasons for the difficult relationship between parents and children, and in turn, the reasons for the increased nervousness of children, lie in the insolvency of parents, the inability to fulfill maternal and paternal responsibilities due to the infantilism of people creating a family. Each family member deals with his own problems, forgetting that the child needs constant love, attention and care, and understanding of his problems, of which he has many.
Many families break up before crossing the 5-year mark of existence. But, since most families already have children, they first of all pay for the mistakes of adults.
Children carry into adulthood the stereotype of relationships that is established in childhood.
But there is also the opposite situation: an excess of unjustified attention, a sort of “all-seeing eye” of parents, can also give rise to self-doubt in the child, various complexes, and, as a result, lead to the emergence of neurosis. Therefore, it is no less important to understand the sense of proportion: “Nothing is poison, nothing is medicine - the main thing is moderation.”
How to avoid the development of neurosis?
Anxiety neurosis
When such conditions arise, most often we are talking about the fear of death. It manifests itself to one degree or another in all children aged 5-6 years. As a rule, children themselves cope with such experiences, but only if there is a cheerful emotional atmosphere in the family.
The source of all kinds of fears (death, illness, fire, elevator, car, etc.) is most often the mother, who is anxious by nature and was afraid of all this in childhood.
Children subconsciously and imperceptibly learn their parents' way of behavior.
How to overcome this neurosis?
Parents, overcome your fears! Otherwise you won't be able to solve this problem.
Neurasthenia
Neurasthenia (from the Greek astenia - weakness, impotence) is a painful overstrain of the child’s psychophysiological capabilities. He is unable to meet the high demands of others and considers himself in advance unable to cope with any upcoming difficulties.
Most often this comes from the parents’ inability to accept the child for who he really is. The child, in turn, cannot understand why his parents are so strict with him, because he tries so hard to do what they demand. The contradictions of the parents themselves lead the child to nervous overstrain. A child with neurasthenia becomes irritable, easily upset and cries. Increased fatigue, dizziness, headaches, gastrointestinal disorders, sleep disturbances, vegetative disorders (pain in the heart, cold hands and feet, sweating, sensations that “something is shrinking inside”) may also be observed. With anxiety or physical exertion, these disorders intensify.
In this case, there is no need to talk about the healthy psyche of the child - the conflict between the parents and them is perceived by the latter as their own inferiority.
In fact, one has to be surprised at the patience of children in such situations. According to A.I. Zakharov, parents, at his request, counted how many comments they made to their child per day: about 300 contradictory demands (not requests, appeals, but demands and orders).
Another reason for such neurosis may be:
- switching the attention of parents to another child who has appeared in the family;
- the inability of the parents themselves to evenly distribute attention among all children in the family;
- unfair reproaches against the older child.
All this, as a rule, turns into nervous breakdowns, tics, and in the worst cases - overt aggression towards a younger brother or sister. This is how the suffering child understands the reason for the decline in his “rating” with his parents.
What should parents do?
1. Distribute your attention evenly to children.
2. Think ten times, and then express your reproach to the child.
3. Show maximum attention and love.
Hysterical neurosis
Its external manifestations are apparently familiar to everyone: the child is excessively capricious, throws tantrums every now and then, falls to the floor, and fights. The internal conflict of such a child lies in the infringement of his egoistic position “I want / I don’t want”, in which resentment and discontent arise. The child does not yet know how to defend his interests, so he achieves his goals in ways accessible to him.
For example, a child may develop a fever, a stomach ache, or start vomiting because he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. Or, if something was not given to him, the child may wet himself or crap himself. “Diseases” can be very different: urinary incontinence, vomiting, a feeling of a lump in the throat, poor coordination of movements, sensory disturbances in certain parts of the body, and sometimes even convulsions and paralysis.
At the same time, the child “gets sick” “not on purpose” and he himself believes in his illness. Don’t be afraid, such disorders are shallow and are unconsciously demonstrative in nature.
The reasons for this behavior are due to inconsistency in the upbringing of parents and the immediate environment of grandparents. You don’t have to look far for an example; it’s taken from life. The mother-in-law, who sees her grandson once a year, arrived and decided to show “pedagogical sensitivity.” “You can’t say ‘no’ to a child,” she tells her mother, and fulfills absolutely all the demands of her grandson. When the grandmother left, it was impossible to explain to the child why he was prohibited from doing what was allowed yesterday.
Another cause of hysterical neurosis is determined by the other side of this situation: not increased attention to the child, but, on the contrary, the complete absence of it.
Children deprived of emotional attention stage demonstrations as their attention deficit accumulates. But, as a rule, they come across a wall of misunderstanding - the always quiet and inconspicuous child turns into an uncontrollable brawler. “We don’t like you like that,” the parents seem to say. Such children are called “unclaimed”.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
This neurosis is characterized by involuntary, obsessive experiences and fears (for example, the child is afraid every time that his mother will not pick him up from kindergarten). As a concomitant symptom, nervous tics may appear - monotonous movements (blinking, wrinkling the forehead, shrugging, coughing) or monotonous actions (frequently washing hands, pinching a pillow), which have a protective and soothing function and relieve nervous tension.
More often, such repeated actions are unpleasant for the child himself and he strives to get rid of them.
The roots of this neurosis are the same - family relationships, or rather, their violations. Increased demandingness of parents, demandingness - for the sake of demands, adherence to principles - contrary to common sense. Parents demand unquestioning obedience from the child; upbringing resembles drill. Children in such families develop suspiciousness and fear of violating the demands of their parents.
Of course, we must not forget that any tense moment can provoke neurosis to come to the surface. For example, your child was barked by a dog, a car honked sharply, or he experienced the teacher’s injustice. However, we must remember that the foundation of neurosis is laid in early childhood.
In fact, no one demands perfection from parents. Everyone has the right to make mistakes. But many of them could have been avoided! To begin with, solve your own problems and problems of relationships in the family. If a child often sees his parents quarreling, he subsequently accepts them as the norm of life and develops the habit of such relationships. Having become, in turn, a parent, he subconsciously realizes the idea laid down in childhood in his own family.
A clear understanding of this guarantees the mental health of your child in the future, as well as the fact that most of your problems will not pass on as useless baggage to the lives of your grandchildren...
Emergency neurologist Oliferchik V.V.
Gender characteristics.
Despite the fact that the causes of tantrums in a 7-year-old child are approximately the same, gender differences in children’s behavior are still noticeable. Problems manifest themselves differently in girls and boys.
Girls quickly get used to the new stage of school and become more focused and responsible as students. Therefore, they can calmly endure many shocks while they are away from home. Thus, a diligent student at school may throw violent tantrums upon arriving home and be capricious about every occasion in the presence of her parents. It is important for parents to have calm conversations with the girl, often ask about her condition, and direct her to creative disciplines where she can show her true self.
Boys at the age of seven try too hard to express themselves, throw out their energy and show all their skills and qualities. Therefore, their behavior is often flashy and beyond external control. Rivalry with other boys, aggressive behavior, bullying girls - almost every boy goes through this period. It is very important for parents to direct the child’s energy in the right direction, for example, in sports, walks and games in the fresh air.
So, summing up the signs of gender differences, we can understand that the girl directs energy inward, trying not to receive condemnation from others (if these are not parents). And the boy, on the contrary, gives all his energy to the world around him.
