How do you feel about couples with an age difference of 10, 15, 20 years? It is curious that two centuries ago such a difference was considered not just the norm, but also part of the culture.
Twelve-year-old girls were enviable brides, and the fate of six-year-old babies was decided by their parents, selecting a profitable husband in advance.
Those days are gone, but couples with a striking age difference have not gone away. What is the reason for this and what are the consequences of such unions? Let's figure it out.
Society's attitude
In society, it is considered quite acceptable for people of different ages to meet. When this difference is 1-5 years, no one says anything. What if the man is 15 years older? Reviews from girls who dated guys much older than themselves vary, but all the girls agree on one thing: those around them condemned them. They considered it unacceptable to live with a man who was almost old enough to be a father. 15 years is a gap of more than one generation. People of different ages rarely achieve understanding. It’s easier to communicate with peers, they are on the same wavelength. The older generation looks at young people with some disdain. Men think people younger than themselves are dumber. And society understands this very well.
It must be recognized that there are exceptions to any rule. Dating a man 15 years older is not always frowned upon. Sometimes people love each other and live in perfect harmony. But this only happens if one of the partners is precocious or remains a child at heart. But even such relationships will be condemned. Why? People love to talk bad about other people's lives. It is not surprising that the topic of romantic relationships is one of the favorites to discuss. And it is more pleasant to wash the bones of people who are visually unsuitable for each other than to look for flaws in couples that obviously do not have them.
Modern marriages
It is believed that men have always preferred and prefer younger companions, while women, on the contrary, are looking for more mature and experienced partners with an age difference of many years. In principle, this is the case in most cases. However, as research shows, neither one nor the other would refuse an intimate relationship with a younger partner. In this case, it only stops condemnation from others.
Be that as it may, the verdict of society is this: a man should be, at least not much, older than a woman. Other options for marriages with age differences are perceived as incorrect, and this can apply to both marriages of women with younger men and marriages of women with men more than 10 or 15 years older.
What do psychologists think?
Psychologists believe that if a girl likes men 15 years older, it means she has some kind of problem with her father. If a lady had a happy childhood, which she spent with her dad and mom, growing up, the girl will look at her peers, and not at older people. And if the girl did not have a father, or when the daughter was in her teens, the man abandoned the family, then the girl will try with all her might to find a replacement for her father. Such a rebellion occurs not only during the period of youthful exploration, but even at a conscious age. The lady might not have overcome her complexes, and therefore will try to find care and support from an older man.
Are you and your partner 15 years apart in age? A man is older than you, and this seems something out of the ordinary to you? Psychologists are of the same opinion. A normal man who does not suffer from an inferiority complex will try to find a woman of his own age. And those men who look at young girls most often suffer from an inferiority complex. They want to increase their self-esteem at the expense of others.
conclusions
The most important thing in choosing a wife, of course, is your compatibility: sexual, interpersonal, in values, as well as kindness and attentiveness to each other. And love between you, of course. As you may have noticed, age is not included in this list.
You may be more likely to find a wife you'll be happy with in the long run if you don't limit your interactions to girls your own age or younger. Look at the person and how good you feel with him, and not at the numbers in her passport.
Celebrity couples in which the husband is younger than the wife: 8 examples
Emmanuel Macron and Brigitte Macron
Difference: 24 years
Photo by @emmanuelmacron
Emmanuel Macron is a French politician who became President of France on May 14, 2021. He has been married to Brigitte Tronier since 2007, and she is 24 years older than him. They first met when Macron was 15 years old and Brigitte was his teacher.
In 2006, Brigitte divorced Andre Louis Ozier, with whom she had been married since 1974, and in 2007 married Macron.
Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet
Difference: 12 years
Photo @ prideofgypsies
Jason Momoa, an actor, model and producer, met actress Lisa Bonet in 2005. She is 12 years older than him. In 2007, their daughter Lola Aiolani was born. She was followed in 2008 by their son Nakoa-Wolf Manakoapo Namakaha.
The couple formalized their relationship in 2021, although many believed that they had been married since 2007. This was the second marriage for Lisa Bonet, as she was previously married to Lenny Kravitz from 1987 to 1994.
Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling
Difference: 6 years
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Posted by Eva Mendes (@evamendes) Mar 12, 2021 at 10:47 am PDT
Strictly speaking, this couple of famous Hollywood actors is not legally married. However, they are in a long-term relationship and have two children together. Mendes is six years older than Gosling.
Ryan and Eva began dating in 2011 after meeting while filming The Place Beyond the Pines. Since then they have lived together, and they had two daughters: Esmeralda in 2014, and Amada Lee in 2016.
Bart Freundlich and Julianne Moore
Difference: 9 years
Photo by @juliannemoore
Director, screenwriter and producer Bart Freundlich chose a wife who is nine years older than him. He met actress Julianne Moore in 1996 on the set of the film Shadows of the Past. They had a son, Caleb, in 1997, and a daughter, Lice Helen, in 2002. The couple got married on August 23, 2003.
Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson
Difference: 24 years
Photo by @samtaylorjohnson
Aaron Johnson and Sam Taylor-Wood have one of the biggest age gaps in Hollywood. The couple met on the set of the film “Becoming John Lennon” in 2009. At that time he was only 18 years old and she was 42 years old.
By November of that year, the couple announced their engagement, marrying at Babington House in Somerset, England on June 21, 2012. After the wedding, both spouses changed their last names to Taylor-Johnson. They now have two children together: Wilda Rey was born in 2010, and Romi Hiro was born in 2012.
Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness
Difference: 13 years
Photo by @thehughjackman
Despite their age difference, Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness remain one of the most loyal couples in Hollywood circles. The age difference between them is 13 years. Jackman and Furness first met in 1995 while working on the television show Correlli.
They married a year later in Melbourne, Australia. Furness had several miscarriages, so the couple decided to adopt a child. Now the couple has two adopted children: son Oscar Maximilian was born in 2000, and daughter Ava Eliot was born in 2005.
Tom Kaulitz and Heidi Klum
Difference: 17 years
Photo by @heidiklum
The famous German couple - a model and a guitarist - began dating in 2018, having met on the set of the program “Germany’s Next Top Model.” Heidi is 17 years older than Tom. The lovers got married in 2021 on the Italian island of Capri.
Maxim Galkin and Alla Pugacheva
Difference: 27 years
Photo @maxgalkinru
The Russian showman and diva got married in 2011, but, as Alla Borisovna admitted, they began dating secretly back in 2001. In 2013, the couple gave birth to twins Elizabeth and Harry, who were born thanks to a surrogate mother. After six years of marriage, in 2017 the couple got married in the Archangel Michael Church, located in the Moscow region.
- Author: Maria Minaeva
pros
If many young girls date men 10-15 years older, it means they have some reason to do this. What are the advantages of being in a relationship with a partner who is older than you?
- Beautiful courtship. An experienced man knows how to please a woman. He will pamper her with attention, bring her gifts, gallantly open doors and take her to various establishments. Many women's hearts melt from such care.
- Older men earn good money. Are you and your partner 15 years apart? The man is older, which means he has already managed to realize his career. This means that your gentleman has good income. Girls like to spend money, especially other people's money.
- Interesting conversations. Girls always love to talk. You can discuss a lot with peers, but grown men can always surprise you, tell you something interesting and help a girl figure something out.
- New sexual experience. The grown man lived a long and eventful life. During this time, he was able to learn a lot, so he has the opportunity to surprise his partner every night.
- The man wants to settle down. Many girls at the age of 25 begin to want to start a family. But peers often do not make proposals, citing the fact that they need to build a career, and only then think about children. Older men already want children, since they have managed to realize their potential in the working world.
The Science of Unequal Marriages
The theme of love is difficult to analyze. Surveys and observations of representatives of couples from different age categories are regularly conducted. But it is impossible to say that today there is a general indicator that, with even an approximate degree of probability, will determine the coefficient of happiness in a particular couple. In fact, scientists cannot even agree on the ideal age difference between spouses:
- USA and 1 year difference;
- Finland – 15 years;
- Sweden – 6 years;
- Russia – spouses must be the same age.
The scattering of statistical data once again confirms that love has its own laws and marital happiness does not depend at all on age. A happy marriage can happen between peers, and between an adult man and a very young girl. What is the key to success? Work on relationships, understanding or just chemistry? The answer to this question can only be found experimentally.
Minuses
People often judge what is unfamiliar to them. For example, many people believe that if a man is 15 years older, marriage is doomed. But still, young wives themselves complain about many husbands. What are the disadvantages of living with a partner who is older than them?
- The man does not lead an active life. A young woman is very active by nature. She wants to be everywhere and see everything. Ladies enjoy going to clubs, exhibitions and parties. A man who is much older than his chosen one will not show much desire to accompany his wife to all sorts of social events.
- A person may not want children. For example, if a man already has adult children from his first marriage, he may decide that they are enough for him, and now it is time to live for himself, and not for the sake of his offspring. What if a woman is 15 years older than a man? Reviews from men who dated older ladies are very mixed. Young people complain that their chosen one refuses, and often cannot, give them an heir.
- Judgment from parents and friends. Misunderstanding from society and constant reproaches from loved ones will irritate a person. And over time, when the influx of feelings subsides, constant conversations about the age difference can lead to a break in the relationship.
The age difference between the spouses is 5-7 years
Older man
None of the psychologists objects to the difference between spouses up to 7 years. Both partners were brought up on the same films and listened to the same music. As children and teenagers, they spoke the same slang, or at least were familiar with it. In addition, most women seek support and protection from surrounding adversity in marriage.
Older woman
Oddly enough, there are many more such couples than many people think. A woman may well look younger than her actual age, both due to natural characteristics and with the help of quality self-care. The psychology and physiology of such couples is practically at the same level.
Such couples have every chance of living happily ever after. Moreover, the woman will not necessarily dominate in this union. Partners can be good friends, or one of them can be a leader. With such a difference, which psychologists do not consider critical, any distribution of roles is possible.
Is it worth deciding on such a relationship?
A handsome man came up to meet you? You need to immediately assess the person's age. If a man is 15 years older than a girl, then continuing meetings with an emphasis on romance must be done with great caution. Why? The likelihood that a man will decide to have fun at your expense is very high. Men who are 15 years older than young girls are most often married. Such persons are experiencing a midlife crisis and decide to test whether they can still attract the opposite sex. Such a game will be one-sided. A man can take a girl on dates and buy her various trinkets. But it’s unlikely that anything will come of this novel. If a girl is simply interested in the experience of meeting an older man, then she can afford to have some fun. But in this case, you should not fantasize that a prince on a white horse appeared to you in the guise of a dear patron. Be aware that you are most likely dating someone's husband and father. Would you be comfortable with the prospect of some young lady dating your dad while you were waiting for him at home? No? Then try to check the information that your spouse definitely does not have a family and children.
What if it's love?
If a woman is 15 years older than a man, can their romance last forever? Theoretically, this is quite possible. But practically, it’s unlikely. Why? Love and family always come first for a woman. And for a man, the main thing is a comfortable existence and successful self-development. Men receive less pleasure from love. Sex is really important for them, but feelings are secondary. Men can love one woman all their lives if she can provide him with a comfortable existence and will arrange surprises from time to time. Is an older lady capable of this? Quite. But soon the lady will lose her physical attractiveness, and as you know, men love with their eyes.
There are many examples of couples in which the husband is 15 years older than the wife and people are happy together. But this is an exception to the rule. Have you met a handsome and intelligent young man who treats you with special attention? It is not surprising that a girl would fall in love with such an ideal gentleman. But you shouldn’t put on rose-colored glasses and immediately walk down the aisle with the person. Take a closer look at your older friend. If you really understand that this is a soul mate, then don't listen to anyone, listen to your heart and common sense. If they prompt you to connect your destiny with the person you have chosen, then age will not be an obstacle to happiness and a pleasant family life.
Psychological problems
If a woman is 15 years older than a man, and still she attracts her husband, then the lady needs to think about whether her partner really loves her and not uses her? Today there are a lot of young people who do not want to work, but want to live at the expense of others. It’s not surprising that guys like this can play havoc with successful women who lack male attention. Such women have problems with men and therefore they agree to have an affair with the first person they meet who shows sympathy for their candidacy. Why are smart and pretty ladies forced to settle for gigolos? All a person’s problems are in his head, and the roots of these problems should be sought in childhood. If a person is not loved by his parents, then he will seek tenderness and warmth from everyone around him. And for childless older women, there may be another problem that they want a child, but did not have time to give birth to one. The young lover is perceived by the ladies as a child who needs warmth and affection.
Men who are looking for young life partners are also not distinguished by their sound psyche. Despite the fact that nature has instilled in men the reproductive instinct, and a male person can conceive a child at any age, a man has a limited life span. And in adulthood, a man must understand that he cannot afford to have children, since he simply will not have time to raise his daughters and sons.
Why do women love older men?
The reasons for this predilection among women lie in the benefits that older men can provide. Modern young girls dream of a beautiful life. A man 15 years older? Most likely, he already has some experience, has established himself as a “breadwinner”, has built a career and can help make many dreams come true! The gentleman will buy beautiful outfits, take you to restaurants and movies. The lady will be able to develop her creative potential and separate from her parents. The girl will move in with her lover and have complete freedom of action. In this situation, the lady wins a lot and loses nothing. Yes, she pays for all the services provided to her with her body, but not many ladies perceive such payment as prostitution.
Older men can not only give a girl a lot, but can also help her develop and become a better person. They say whoever you hang out with, that's how you'll gain. Young girls, often arriving in the company of their boyfriend, willy-nilly listen to conversations conducted by their lover’s smart friends. And in order not to look very stupid, the girl has to work on herself, read a lot and study previously unnecessary information. Such self-development shapes a girl as an intelligent and intelligent person.
How will your parents and friends react?
When a man is 15 years older, the girl doesn’t really want to introduce her boyfriend to her parents. Why? The older generation can rarely adequately perceive the liberties of modern society. Some might say that even in ancient times, young ladies were married to people twice their age. But in modern society this approach to marriage is condemned. Parents will treat their daughter's boyfriend poorly if he is not her age. They will believe that the man is using their daughter to satisfy his sexual desire. Even if it is a half-truth, few parents will listen to the explanations of a grown man.
The lady's friends will also judge her relationship. A gentleman who is 15 years older than a woman will not be able, and will not want, to maintain friendship with his beloved’s friends. He will avoid youth parties in every possible way, as they will seem too boring to the person.
Couple where the man is much older
An association immediately pops into my head - a successful man over 40 and an ambitious young girl standing next to him. According to the psychologist, this resembles the standard “father-daughter” scenario.
Men like the defenselessness of their young lady. He shows masculinity, authority and experience. Evolutionary psychology explains his conscious choice this way: a young wife is able to raise a healthier generation. Girls stare at men much older than them, because they are sure that he has “walked around”, settled down and is ready for a family. But the main thing is that with such a partner they feel stability.
“The man psychologically perceives her as a daughter and shows attention and care. In such a scenario, the role of the mistress can move to the side,” says Anastasia. “Usually in such couples, the man keeps his wife on a leash, forbidding her to walk freely, stay somewhere late, or work. Even if there is no control and prohibitions, the senior partner in such a marriage presses with experience and confidence. Over time, this can cause a problem, because not every person will be ready to maintain such a relationship. But I would like to emphasize that this does not happen in all couples and largely depends on the personality of the partner.
What else should such a couple prepare for?
- different perceptions of reality;
- lack of common interests;
- a girl may not accept her husband’s age characteristics;
- men's health;
- children from a previous marriage.
In the first two cases, everything is resolved by compromise and finding common ground. According to the advice of a psychologist: look for common interests, then you will understand each other better. There is no single solution to the issue of children from a previous marriage, because there are different situations: some may accept their father’s new chosen one, others may not care, and still others will be categorically against it. The main advice from a consultant, which is suitable for resolving many conflicts, is not to be silent, constantly talk, discuss issues and share your opinion. Then the young lady will feel reliable and confident, and your union will remain strong.
Weather in the house
How are things going in a family in which the man is 15 years older than his wife? In most cases, the partner will be jealous of his young lady of any representative of the stronger sex. A man will be aware that every year he gets older, and can give his woman less and less. But young rivals can easily take a girl away. Constant jealousy out of nowhere will irritate the girl and, as a result, if the man does not stop bothering the woman with reproaches, she may actually begin to cheat on her husband.
Children in the family will partly help smooth out the age difference between spouses. But such magic will only work while the children are small. Then, when the children need to be taken to clubs, sports activities and developmental courses, parents may have problems in their approach to education. The generational difference will leave its mark on people’s consciousness, and they may not come to a common denominator on many issues. And this is fraught with serious disagreements that can lead to divorce. Therefore, if you receive an offer from a pretty but mature person, do not rush to get married. First, get to know the person better and live with him under the same roof. If your life is a fairy tale for several years, you can formalize your relationship.
