Family life is full not only of joys and difficulties, but also of unexpected “surprises” in the behavior and attitude of partners. Often, the reproaches of the other half are quite justified, and then they hurt quite strongly, because the man himself realizes that he is not entirely right about something.
However, situations are not so rare when a woman turns into a real “saw”, without having objective reasons for this, conscious of the man. Of course, if a wife constantly nags her husband, he has no choice but to try to protect his own psyche.
What does “sawing” mean?
Before starting the fight against such a phenomenon as “gaps” of the male brain, it would be nice to understand what it is and why it appears. First you need to figure out what it is - a “drinking” wife.
How does a man influence other people and the world around him as a whole? By force. Both intellectual and physical strength. Some representatives of this half of humanity do not disdain to influence the weaker ones in this way - women and children. This feature of influencing others in order to achieve something from them is genetic. Once upon a time, a man obtained food, protected his home and seized various material assets from his neighbors using physical force.
A woman is deprived of such an opportunity from the very beginning. Even the physically strongest woman is still weaker than a man. Accordingly, nature has endowed the fair sex with other qualities through which women influence their loved ones and others. That is, they affect on an emotional level and directly on the minds of men. As in cases of men using violence against weaker people, including members of their own families, in situations where a wife constantly “nags” her husband, we are talking about abuse of natural characteristics.
Simply put, a man hits, a woman nags. These are absolutely similar phenomena, each of which is a reason to contact a family psychologist.
Temperance movement.
Currently, the most effective strategy to combat alcoholism is the promotion of a healthy lifestyle.
, and not only and not so much by the state, but by civil organizations.
One of the first mass temperance movements took place in Russia in 1858–1859. Thousands of villages and villages, hundreds of thousands of people made decisions to close drinking establishments. Temperance societies began to emerge in many provinces (Kovno, Saratov, Kursk, Tula and others). However, this spontaneously started teetotaling movement was interrupted by the rude interference of official authorities who were not interested in reducing revenues from the excise tax on alcohol.
A new wave of temperance sentiments arose in Russia at the end of the 19th century. By 1914, there were 400 temperance societies operating in the country. The tsarist government continued to slow down the temperance movement: even to give a lecture on the dangers of alcohol, the temperance society had to obtain special permission from the trustee of the educational district and the governor. The Minister of Finance said that “the requirement of complete sobriety is contrary to the generally accepted opinion about the benefits of moderate consumption of strong drinks.” Despite resistance from above, in 1909 the first All-Russian congress to combat drunkenness was held in St. Petersburg. The Standing Commission under the Russian Society for the Protection of Public Health has developed a number of provisions that have not lost their relevance to this day. Let us point out as an example the following thesis: “As a poisonous substance, alcohol in any dilution cannot be counted among the strengthening or nutritious products and generally should not be considered in any respect “necessary” or “useful” for a normal body.”
The period of the most massive temperance movement in Russia was 1928–1930. In 1928, an organizational meeting of temperance initiative groups opened in the Moscow club named after Kukhmistrov. Several thousand participants in this meeting approved the charter of the Society for the Fight against Alcoholism (OSSA), which existed until 1932. However, this time, too, the civil struggle against drunkenness was suppressed, since the Soviet state did not tolerate public organizations independent of it. The temperance movement did not revive in post-Soviet Russia either.
America has more effective experience in the civil fight against drunkenness.
The American temperance movement has a long history, stretching back to the early 19th century. But if previous advocates of sobriety came out with demands for a complete ban on the “devil’s potion,” today effective programs for overcoming alcoholism are focused on painstaking, systematic work to change existing sociocultural norms. This involves, first of all, preventive work with children and adolescents, constant promotion of an alcohol-free lifestyle in the media, and increased taxes on alcohol producers. The US experience shows that a stable change in this norm requires at least 5–7 years of active action to implement such a program.
In the treatment of alcoholism, methods of group psychotherapy, as well as various forms of group psychological support for social rehabilitation, are demonstrating increasing effectiveness. The most famous experience of this kind is the activities of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) society, which originated in 1935 in the USA. It has become an example to be followed in other countries. AA is an informal fellowship of recovering and recovered alcoholics who promote healthy lifestyles through discussion meetings and support groups for other recovering but still drinking people.
Already in the 1970s, a steady decline in deaths from liver cirrhosis began in the United States, reflecting a decrease in alcoholism. As a result of promoting a healthy lifestyle over the past decade, the frequency of alcoholism among American adults has decreased from 4.4% in 1992 to 3.8% in 2002. However, at the same time, a less painful addiction to alcohol - the habit of drinking in stressful situations - has increased significantly (from 1. 6 to 4.7% of the adult population).
Thus, by the beginning of the 21st century. It is generally accepted that alcoholism as a social disease can be, if not overcome, then at least stabilized. However, this is only possible through a long-term policy, without hopes of quick returns.
Vukolova Tatyana
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Latov Yuri
Why do women do this? Objective reasons
In order to understand why a charming creature, ready to follow her loved one to the ends of the earth over hot coals, suddenly turns into an object from a horror film and brings her husband to nervous exhaustion, you need to figure out whether the woman has objective reasons for such unpleasant behavior.
Men, however, like women, often do not see their own shortcomings. Probably the most common example is that after work a woman picks up her child from kindergarten, goes into the store with him, and stands at the stove. What is a man doing? After work, he drinks a couple of beers at a bar with friends, goes to the store for a “one and a half to go”, collapses on the sofa or sits down at the computer, periodically asking when dinner is. Of course, everyday events can develop differently.
The point is that a woman has a completely objective reason to “nag” her precious one. Of course, she literally cannot do this. And what does the woman do? It begins to “eat the brain.”
Why does a man drink in the family?
A person is most often pushed to regular abuse by stress, quarrels with his wife, various internal psycho-emotional conflicts, low income or social status, dissatisfaction with his own achievements, low self-esteem, and complexes that he can carefully hide. To get away from problems, have fun, relieve stress, a person turns to a bottle and begins to relieve tension with its help more and more often.
Causes of alcoholism:
- drinking environment, relatives;
- drinking friends;
- loneliness;
- depression;
- dissatisfaction with life, with oneself;
- desire to relieve stress;
- internal problems and conflicts.
If your husband drinks every day after work, perhaps he views alcohol as a “reward” for a difficult day, a kind of antidepressant. This is how psychological dependence develops. Soon a person can no longer imagine himself in the company of friends without a glass of beer or something stronger. Alcohol quietly becomes a part of life.
How to wean your husband off alcohol? You shouldn’t start quarrels and scandals; this will only make the addict withdraw into himself and stop trusting you. On the contrary, win the person over in a confidential conversation, tell him that together you will overcome all difficulties and obstacles, you just need to start acting in this direction. What should the wife of an alcoholic do? Call the CZM drug treatment center and get a free consultation and advice from a psychologist.
Tips for men to quickly improve relationships
Paradoxical as it may seem, quite often in order for the “drinking” wife to again become the angel with whom a man once fell in love, you just need to get up from the couch or take a break from the computer, fix a leaking faucet, play with the child, buy a bouquet of flowers or at least come home immediately after work.
That is, you need to start the fight for your own comfortable existence in the house and a healthy microclimate in the family with an adequate assessment of yourself. You should also rummage through your memory. Perhaps the wife more than once tried to convey something to the man’s consciousness in a polite tone, but these attempts at communication did not produce any results? Men often say about someone that a person does not understand anything until you hit him in the face. So, “sawing” is a feminine way of “punching someone in the forehead.”
Tip 9. Understand the essence of addiction
The husband must understand: his wife’s alcohol addiction is not so much a physical problem as a spiritual one. The bodily attachment can be removed - there are now many high-quality drugs. If your soul is empty, only God can help.
All other excuses: “I drink because I had a difficult childhood... because you don’t love me... don’t care about me...” - these are just excuses. You can carry her in your arms, but the alcoholic will go on a binge because she wants to do it. Until the emptiness in the soul is filled, periods of enlightenment will become shorter, periods of heavy drinking will become longer.
That is why our rehabilitation center, which operates under the Narco-Net program, is an ideal option. We pray for a drunken alcoholic, tell the woman about God, and involve her in ministries. An alcoholic learns to communicate with sober people, share and listen to advice, take responsibility for her actions... As she stays in the center, the spiritual emptiness is filled, and the addict can say “no to alcohol.”
Why do women nag if there are no objective reasons?
If a wife is “sawing” her brain without having any reason for this, then this is a serious reason to seek professional help. But since it is not customary in our country to visit the offices of psychotherapists - both those working in the family area, with married couples, and others - you can try to understand the origins of what is happening on your own.
Often women completely unconsciously copy the behavior of their own mothers or grandmothers, which they observed in childhood. Often, a woman herself does not understand that she is doing something wrong, and thereby causes psychological discomfort to her chosen one. If she grew up in an atmosphere of daily sawing by her mother, her father, her grandmother, her grandfather, her father, and, possibly, her own daughter, then this model of behavior is natural for a woman. At the same time, there really are no objective reasons why such a wife “nags” her husband, and she doesn’t need them.
It is quite possible that a woman is a so-called energy vampire and provokes scandals. Some representatives of the fair sex are not able to feel comfortable without experiencing strong emotions. As a rule, these are temperamental and bright ladies who attract attention wherever they are. If such a woman lacks emotional intensity, violent passions, or at least simple attention from her husband, instead of the “queen,” a “saw” wife instantly appears. This switch in behavior occurs unconsciously. Human nature is designed in such a way that people intuitively find the fastest and easiest ways to get what they want. In this case, a woman needs strong emotions, and whether they are positive or negative does not matter. Negative emotions are much easier to evoke, and they are always experienced much more vividly.
Of course, there are other reasons that explain the behavior of women and have nothing to do with objective reality. But only a professional psychotherapist can identify them.
Stay together or...
Every woman must make this decision on her own. After analyzing the situation, you need to answer the question: are you ready to continue living with your drinking husband? Do you have the strength to cope with all the difficulties? Many psychologists advise ending your relationship with your alcoholic husband.
You just need to act decisively. Constantly talking about leaving and doing nothing about it is a bad idea. The husband will soon get used to this passivity and will not take his wife’s words seriously. If a woman really starts packing her things and planning a move, this will make him think.
When a husband begins to persuade his wife to stay, you should not immediately believe his words. A condition must be set: either serious treatment, or she will go away forever. It is also necessary to set a control time. One month is enough. If nothing has changed during this period, it means that the husband does not plan to stop drinking.
What else do wives nag about? Social reasons
Quite often from men who are dissatisfied with the behavior and attitude of their spouses, you can hear the following phrase: “My wife nags me that I don’t earn enough.” The woman’s motivation in this case is not at all as clear and simple as the man understands it.
The easiest way to understand those women who are tormented by envy. This phenomenon is akin to how men envy the vibrant and varied sex life in marriage, which their friends talk about over a glass or two in bars. And it would occur to a very rare man to ask his boasting friend a question about why he then does not run headlong to his loving wife, but chills in the company of friends. Women, in the same way, “with their ears hanging and their jaws dropping,” listen to their friends and envy them. Coming home after such bachelorette parties, the lady begins to “nag” her husband with the goal that he should be no worse than her friends’ husbands.
It is also easy to understand a woman’s envy of the material wealth of others that she sees. For example, the neighbors bought a new car, and at work someone got a fashionable long fur coat. And she wants it too, but she doesn’t have enough money. This dissonance in the psyche, caused by the inability to possess what others have, leads to sawing.
How to deal with an alcoholic husband?
Often women, for various reasons, remain to live with alcoholic husbands. In such cases, it is important to behave correctly in order to minimize aggression, avoid binge drinking and still reach your loved one.
How to deal with an alcoholic, advice from a psychologist:
- Convene a family council. It is necessary to convey the existing problem to all relatives. You need to talk to the person calmly, clearly explaining your attitude towards alcoholism. If the addict does not listen to his wife, maybe his parents or brothers or sisters will be able to convince him to get treatment.
- Do not sort things out with a drunk. When your husband comes home “tipsy,” you shouldn’t immediately start a scandal. This will provoke retaliatory aggression. A drunk person is not able to adequately perceive what is happening. When he is completely sober, you can already talk to him. But even here you need to control yourself. Hysterics and scandals will not help. It is better to calmly discuss the problem, making it clear to the husband that the whole family is suffering from his behavior.
- Don't indulge your weaknesses. You cannot be persuaded or give money if you know in advance that it will be used for drinking. The same applies to the rest of the family.
- Pay more attention to yourself and your children. You shouldn’t give up meeting with friends or walking in the park with your children. Excessive immersion in the problems of an alcoholic can lead to emotional burnout.
Do wives “nag” with good intentions?
It is much more difficult to understand wives who nag their husbands consciously and with exclusively “good” intentions. The “saw” wife in this case acts, although using intuitive methods, but very thoughtfully. She does this because she is absolutely sure that her husband needs constant stimulation.
Moreover, for such a saw-muse it is absolutely not important what exactly to stimulate. This type of woman believes that a person always needs to be pushed, otherwise he will not achieve anything. As a rule, these ladies are very ambitious and status is extremely important to them. By sawing, they usually achieve the promotion of their spouse up the career ladder.
“I’m afraid to die, and also what my children will drink”
According to Nikita, alcohol changes consciousness and destroys the body. You've been drinking and you don't care.
- This is weakness. And there is strong shame. Alcohol erodes important microelements in the body - calcium, potassium, magnesium, and problems with the heart, nervous system, and even panic attacks begin. You skipped work, and with a hangover a monstrous shame and fear comes over you, you don’t know how to show up in front of your boss. When the hangover goes away, your conscience no longer torments you so much.
—Aren’t you afraid of dying from cirrhosis or stroke?
- Happens. But only in a state of hungover guilt and panic attacks. Alcohol is not perceived as a danger - it is sold.
I started coding. This is a generally accepted word; it refers to forced methods of giving up alcohol. I was given injections several times - a special substance was injected into a vein that blocked the breakdown of alcohol. When I got coded for the first time, I showed the certificate to my wife - calm down, they say, finally. And I went everywhere with this certificate - I was not allowed any alcohol, not even a few drops of Valoserdin. But when coding ended, and this happened after 3 months, I started drinking again. Once I was in such despair that I went and surrendered to a drug treatment clinic. The hangover was so severe that I needed professional medical help. They dug me out for a week, after which I was “stitched up.” I installed a spiral, it used to be called a torpedo.
But instead of the promised three years, the spiral in Nikita’s body lasted only 9 months. And everything started again.
- Remember this famous moment in “The Master and Margarita”, when Styopa Likhodeev wakes up and, characteristically, it is Woland who offers him a hangover? There really is a dark meaning in this,” Nikita smiles bitterly. — I believe that now I am an alcoholic in remission. Now I’m afraid of dying, so I’ve set strict rules for myself that I try to honestly follow - don’t drink for two days in a row, don’t drink during the day, no matter how much you want to. They say that you need to replace it with something, find yourself a hobby.
I'm afraid of a monstrous hangover, when my muscles cramp, it's similar to the state of withdrawal, as heroin addicts describe it.
What stops me is that it is impossible to avoid this condition. It's not willpower, it's fear.
—Aren't you afraid that your children will drink?
- Afraid. And I don't want this. Despite all my binges and alcoholism, I always remained a social type, I always had a job, I did not drink with homeless people at a kiosk. There are millions like us all over the country. But I wouldn’t wish such a share on my children.
What to do?
Not only for the spiritual comfort of the spouse, but also for the formation of the personal qualities of the children, a situation when a wife “nags” her husband is dangerous. What to do in this case? How to return a warm, spiritual atmosphere to your own home? Unfortunately, few men think about these questions. Most of them simply find an outlet outside their home walls. Moreover, these are not necessarily intimate relationships; much more often, men who have been married to their wives simply spend maximum time with friends or completely devote themselves to hobbies, work, or some other activity that can become a reason not to come home.
This is completely understandable behavior and is the easiest way to maintain your own mental comfort. However, it does not solve the problem, but only aggravates it.
Therefore, if you want to change your wife’s behavior, you shouldn’t do this, otherwise you will end up with an eternal drinking wife next to you in life. What should I do? You need to determine the type of sawing, understand what caused it, and act based on this.
Family therapy
This small analysis of the situation and recommendations on how to fix it will not help everyone. For most people, the article will only give food for thought, but will not allow them to move forward. Sometimes the transition from a relationship from the plane of “I’m the boss - you’re a fool” to equality is very difficult to make. Here you need the help of a family therapist or psychologist.
You will say that it is difficult for you to decide and go to a session. You can answer that it is most likely much more difficult for your wife to restrain herself and not yell at you than to get ready and go to a psychologist. You are not your spouse's enemy, and she is not your enemy. You are two people, tired, unhappy, stuck in a typical relationship mechanism that leads to a breakup.
Eliminate this mechanism, start building relationships on a new foundation. Take responsibility for this, change your behavior, give arguments that will force your wife to start communicating with you openly and without unnecessary emotions. You can understand that both you and she can handle this. But it will be better if you do this together, rather than bring the situation to the point where the easiest solution seems to be separation.
Actions when “sawing” for objective reasons
It is more difficult for a man to determine the objective reasons for his wife’s behavior than to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not guess what specific male imperfections brought your wife to the state of saw, you just need to talk to her.
There is no need to fear a scandal. Women who are concerned about specific actions or the lack thereof, as a rule, clearly voice in confidential conversations what they want to receive from their husbands. Of course, having heard why your wife nags all the time, you need to immediately resolve this problem. With this approach, next time the spouse will not blow her mind, but will make several attempts at a confidential conversation.
Wife and “mother” herself
With the notations “I told you so...” A wise wife is a gift for a man, but “too smart” is a disaster. If you know everything well, why did you get married at all? In fact, such women are deeply insecure, which is why they try to be present in all areas of life. This makes them feel like they are in control of the situation. In fact, men quietly dump the solution to all problems on them, and then openly (with divorce) or secretly go to the one who is “weak”, who needs to be helped and next to whom you can feel “worthy” and not “an eternal loser” "
Actions for unconscious “sawing”
If a wife nags her husband only because she is not familiar with another model of behavior in the family, professional help from a psychologist may be needed. Of course, this is not always possible. You can try to cope with the problem yourself, but it will require considerable patience, tact and some cunning.
First, you should take a closer look at your wife’s mother and how the woman behaves. If the wife copies her mother, then it is worth looking for those moments that irritate the spouse in the parent. To do this, it is enough to visit your wife’s parents often and never tire of praising your mother-in-law, holding her up as an example to your wife. This should be done in private, under no circumstances visiting your parents. Sooner or later, the wife will “explode” and dump a lot of information about her mother on the man. At this moment, you need to show maximum attention and remember what the wife does not like about her mother-in-law.
After the next visit to your parents, you need to thoughtfully tell your wife that she was right. In one thing, you don’t need to use all your trump cards at once. A woman will definitely respond to this message. The topic should be developed and casually noticed that the mother-in-law nags the wife’s father. At the same time, you must definitely say: “How lucky you are that you didn’t drink.” It doesn’t matter that this is not the case, we must not forget that the woman does not realize the error of her behavior. After several such conversations, the wife will definitely think about whether she is so different from her mother. And when he thinks about it, he realizes that he is behaving in exactly the same way. Realizing this, most women make incredible efforts to change their behavior.
In psychology, this technique is called manipulation. Its essence is that a person is led to the desired action, and he feels confident that he is doing everything independently and according to his personal desire.
Wife problems
What is the wife's mistake? Instead of looking for the causes of stress, she focuses on the symptoms: irritability, fatigue and other unpleasant feelings. And she begins to blame her husband, who is unlikely to be the source of stress.
She begins to perceive her husband as her slave, as an employee. She cannot talk to him calmly and openly. She does not want to discuss with him possible changes in life that will allow her and him to rest more and regain strength.
Photo by priscilla du preez on Unsplash
She works her butt off, and when she feels that she has absolutely no strength left and there are still many unfulfilled tasks, she lashes out at her husband. It's mildly offensive and the wrong way to communicate. When she screams at her husband, she experiences release. But it hurts him, which can be bad for the relationship.
The wife in this situation needs to realize that the very fact of a ten-year marriage is not an excuse for such behavior on her part. The husband did not undertake to be her slave; he has a choice: leave or stay. He may decide to stop being her punching bag.
It is important for her to understand that there are no situations in which she is always right and her husband is always wrong. She needs to get to the bottom of it and understand what drives her into a state of frenzy. And change these circumstances, and not throw out your dissatisfaction on the person who is trying to support her.
Sawing actions due to lack of emotions
Another reason why a wife nags her husband is simple boredom and a lack of passion in the relationship. If this is true for your family, solving the problem will not be difficult. You should simply give your wife what she wants, that is, attention, passion, ardor, romance, and so on.
Often you won’t have to perform “feats”. As a rule, a tender look, a kiss in the morning, a bouquet of flowers in the evening and invitations to dates are enough. Even such a banality as a date on the street, somewhere in a park, works wonders. After all, usually people living under the same roof do not go on dates the same as at the beginning of their relationship. Accordingly, such a pastime will stir up a lot of memories and revive fading feelings. That is, what the woman nagged the man will happen for.
My husband drinks - does he need help?
If you truly love your spouse, saving your family is quite possible! Don't despair, we can help in this difficult situation. How to deal with my husband's alcoholism? Don't go it alone, you are not alone, call us. Treatment of alcohol addiction, like any other serious illness, is the task of the professionals at the drug treatment center. There are professionals working here who can provide not only the necessary medical care, alleviating the condition of the addict, but also psychological support for both the alcoholic and his loved ones.
Contact our alcoholism treatment center by phone: 8 (800) 333-20-07. We know what to do if the husband is a heavy alcoholic and drinks alcohol on a regular basis.
If the reason is envy of friends
The most common mistake husbands make is trying to bring their girlfriends to light. In such attempts, an envious woman sees only the man’s excuses for his failure and “boils” even more.
The simplest thing is to wait out the crisis. As soon as the wife’s attention switches to something else, she will forget that her friends’ husbands are ideal, and she herself has nothing to boast about. Another option is to do something that your wife can brag about. For example, find out where her friends with “ideal” husbands most often go, and order a billboard in this place with a photo of their spouse and a declaration of love. There will be no limit to a woman's happiness.
The only thing you shouldn't do is try to start earning more money. If a spouse “eats” her brain by talking about how her friends’ husbands endlessly buy fur coats, Mercedes, trips to the Canary Islands, and so on, then what the woman needs is not an extra few thousand rubles, but the opportunity to say with her head held high: “But here’s mine— That…"
CZM team - who will help if the husband starts drinking?
The employees of the Center for Healthy Youth are psychologists, narcologists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, chemical dependency counselors and other specialists with a huge amount of knowledge in the field of addiction and psychiatry, high qualifications and undoubted professionalism. They know exactly how to make a husband stop drinking in the shortest possible time without harming his mental or physical health. If my husband becomes an alcoholic, what should I do?
First of all, you should not give in to panic or self-medicate. Treatment of alcoholism is a complex process and cannot be done at home. Curing an alcoholic without his desire is ineffective, and without consent is illegal. Therefore, do not hesitate to contact a drug treatment center. This is completely anonymous, only you and the attending physician will know about the problem, no third parties or drug records. We guarantee an integrated approach to solving the problem and long-term remission.
Actions when “sawing” due to envy of the material values of others
You should not try to suggest that a woman should not look at what her neighbors or acquaintances have. This will only upset her and will not solve the behavior problem at all, but will rather make it worse.
Moreover, you should not try to acquire everything that your spouse craves. We need to give her an alternative option. That is, if a wife nags because a neighbor has a fur coat and she doesn’t, then you should buy something that the woman living behind the wall does not have. It’s easy to determine this - you need to ask your wife and offer her to buy something from the above.
How to overcome my husband's alcoholism?
The question arises: “How to get rid of an alcoholic husband forever?” Of course, you can leave your family, but who will lend a hand to a drunkard? Left alone with the problem, the addict will take the path of degradation and self-destruction; the loss of a spouse often becomes a catalyst for the development of binge alcoholism. You can help!
How to influence an alcoholic husband? The specialists of the Center for Healthy Youth know the answer to this question. We have what is important: experience, qualified employees and psychologists, as well as other specialists whose goal is to help every addict recover and stop drinking. There is a way out of any situation. So, what to do if your husband drinks? The answer is simple: treat.
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How to resist sawing with good intentions?
It is difficult to resist the saw muse. Such a woman is absolutely convinced that she is right. She knows exactly what she wants and does everything to achieve it.
As a rule, conversations about how her behavior causes mental discomfort are unsuccessful. The only effective way to fight is practice. A woman “nags” - a man lies down on the sofa, sits down at the computer, takes sick leave during a crucial period and sabotages his own career in every possible way. The woman praises and smiles - the man immediately plunges into work and achieves real success in the shortest possible time.
The man's position should be tough. All actions must be performed consistently, stopping the slightest attempts at sawing with your behavior. You shouldn’t allow yourself any concessions, because the saw-muse has the mentality of a crocodile. As soon as a man shows softness, he will again be faced with the endless “eating away” of his own brain.
there is hope
If the husband is an alcoholic, what should a woman do? The psychologist’s advice depends on each specific case: there is simply no universal answer that would suit every woman. Usually you have to act according to circumstances, and do the best you can even when the situation is bad.
And here it is very important to remember and realize the fact that the most significant factor that will force an alcoholic to change is pain and loss. The alcoholic must face the consequences of his actions: physically, emotionally, socially, financially
This motivates him to look for opportunities to improve the situation. This is what psychologists mean when they give advice when they say: “Don’t cover up, don’t shield, don’t justify, and don’t lie.”
The alcoholic must realize that he is responsible for his actions. If you manage to get through this period, applying the advice of psychologists in practice, perhaps (although not necessarily), the moment will come when the drunkard is ready to change. If you see this moment and talk to him openly and seriously about alcoholism, this can give results, and the person will take the path of sobriety.
What to do if your husband starts drinking? Psychologist's advice
First of all, turn to professionals. Call our drug treatment center. We not only provide consultations, but also provide comprehensive treatment for alcohol addiction from the moment of motivation and detoxification to complete recovery after completing a rehabilitation course. What to do if a man drinks every day? You should start keeping a diary and recording your actions, when the process is started, you should not stop there, you need to move towards your goal - getting rid of the addiction of a loved one.
If your husband asks for money for drinks, don’t give it, you’ll only make things worse for him. Prevent the appearance of drinking buddies in the house and indulge addiction. You should not show pity; such behavior is a signal to continue drinking.
Often the wife joins the spouse’s feasts and gatherings. In this case, she may also be affected by alcoholism. This happens when there is a codependent relationship.
How to force your husband not to drink alcohol?
What should you do if your husband drinks every weekend or periodically gets drunk to the point of unconsciousness? You need to act, don’t expect him to stop drinking on his own or go to the clinic. Without action, the situation will only get worse. You have the power to make alcohol disappear from your home forever. You can start with this: pour out all the alcohol in the house and wait until your spouse sobers up. Try to have a confidential conversation with him and discuss the existing problem, show that you are not indifferent to his condition and you are worried about his health. Tell your significant other that you will support him in his decision to start treatment and will always be there for him.
However, only 1 in 10 alcoholics agrees to seek professional help. If a person behaves aggressively, it is worth calling a doctor to your home. An experienced psychologist will be able to convince a person of the need for treatment and go to the hospital. In the case of a psychological intervention, the patient agrees to treatment in 9 out of 10 cases, but one should not think that in some cases motivation is powerless. A person will simply come to the idea of treatment later, realizing that there is a problem. Our center’s rehabilitation program will leave no chance for addiction and will rid your family of alcoholism once and for all!
What categories of alcoholics are there?
Depending on their behavior while intoxicated, there are several types of alcoholics:
- “Violent” (they are also called anxious). After libations, they can show aggression, treat rudely and even beat strangers and loved ones, and take out their anger on children. They strive to suppress family members; the wives in such couples are most often in the position of a victim, feel fear and avoid communication.
- "Emotional." Their dependence manifests itself only among like-minded people. They actively demonstrate tenderness and reverent feelings towards their family, due to which they are considered the ideal husband and father.
- "Pathetic." They drink alone, and the next morning they don’t remember what happened the day before. They are constantly haunted by failures, which lead to feelings of pity for themselves, as well as for those around them. The wife in such a marriage is disgusted, makes scandals, but at the same time strives to remove the conflict herself.
Wives of addicts often put up with their spouse's illness. This is how dependence on a husband is manifested, the opportunity to gain benefits for oneself, the desire to feel special and irreplaceable. Some are afraid of being left alone and need to clarify the relationship and subsequent reconciliation.
