Some girls avoid romantic acquaintances with “old men,” while others are attracted exclusively to mature and experienced gentlemen older than themselves. Couples where the man is 10 years older meet quite often. Women are attracted to such relationships by reliability and security, men by the feeling of “second youth”.
How long a union with a large age difference will last depends not only on the desires of the partners, but also on a number of other factors: physiology, the presence of joint plans for the future, common interests and views. If spouses coincide in all respects and know how to overcome differences, such a union can be happy and long-term.
Let's consider the psychology of marriages where the man is 10 or more years older, and also talk about the advantages and disadvantages of such unions.
Advantages of Unequal Marriage
Almost all women who choose a significantly older couple can be divided into three groups. The first ones grew up without a father and are looking for a reliable and mature chosen one who will make up for the lack of paternal care and give them a feeling of security and safety. The latter want new sensations and start relationships with older guys as a temporary experiment. Still others dream of financial stability, so they choose accomplished and wealthy gentlemen.
In some cases, relationships are supported by love and last for decades, while in others they end with the first significant “generation conflict.”
Personal and financial independence
It has long been proven that girls develop faster than boys, both physically and emotionally. When a 20-year-old girl dreams of professional fulfillment and strives for self-development, her male peers may only be interested in computer toys and carefree parties with friends. Often, it is at this age that girls become disillusioned with their peers, meet men 15–20 years older and even start a family with them. A successful, self-sufficient guy in his prime has already established himself in the profession and achieved a certain social status. He attracts the young nymph with his confidence, charisma, sense of humor, smart speeches and ability to support any conversation. As a rule, an adult who has established himself in the profession can already provide his half with a decent standard of living, comfort, financial independence, and the opportunity to travel and develop. The authority of such a partner is not questioned. A marriage can be strong and long-lasting as long as the lover gives the girl all the sensations and guarantees that she will not receive with boys of her own age.
Readiness for marriage
Ladies of traditional views who dream of getting married and having children are often faced with the reluctance of their peers to enter into serious relationships and bear responsibility. People accustomed to freedom are in no hurry to burden themselves with family ties, wanting to fully enjoy their bachelor status.
Being influenced by public opinion, some women are afraid that they will be left alone and will not be able to give birth to children due to their age. Motivated by such fears of loneliness, girls agree to marriage proposals from reliable, decent, but “mature” suitors. As a result, such “gestures of despair” can develop into happy and strong families based on harmony and respect. An adult and wise partner has most likely already been married and has learned from mistakes, knows how to build a life together, knows how to avoid conflicts and is capable of compromise. In addition, he will not put off having children until better times, but is already ready for such responsibility and can provide for his family.
Ability to care
If a guy is 10 years older, he already has some experience communicating with ladies and understands them better than a “green” student. Women, and especially inexperienced ladies, are able to be charmed by beautiful gestures, spontaneous dates and unusual actions. A mature boyfriend can choose an individual winning strategy for almost every woman; he knows how to attract attention and earn trust. On an intuitive level, the girl understands that in front of her is a confident male who knows what he wants, does not doubt his actions and does not “slow down.” Such masculine strength and confidence attracts many representatives of the fair sex, but not every young man knows how to look after beautifully. It is for this reason that some young ladies are attracted to experienced men 20 years older.
Stability
If there is a large discrepancy in age, there is a high probability that the spouse will not cheat. Years go by, the adult lover becomes even older, hormones subside, and priorities change towards a quiet family holiday at home or in the country. Some women see this as a guarantee of marital fidelity and stability, which is unlikely to be obtained with a young and active lover.
What are the disadvantages of such relationships?
- If a man wants to spend more time with friends, then a woman will not have enough attention from him, because with age women become more domestic. And this will interfere with the relationship.
- Problems can also arise with children. For example, such a situation - a woman will want a child and is in a hurry to get pregnant (after all, childbearing functions are not eternal), and the man may not be ready for this yet. And when he is ready, it may already be too late. Or another situation - a woman already has her own children and she doesn’t want any more children, but the man does. A lot of conflicts can arise because of children.
- Given the psychological nuance that women mature faster, a woman may not be interested in her partner.
- A man needs to be prepared for the fact that a woman is 10 years older than him, which means she will age before him, no matter how much she takes care of herself. Plus, menopause is just around the corner.
- As in the previous case, there is no need to get carried away with the roles of “mother” and “son”, this will very quickly lead to a breakup.
Disadvantages of Unequal Marriage
The saying “all ages are submissive to love” does not always work. Sincere love in the family helps to overcome any obstacles. But with a significant age difference, family problems become more obvious and require special efforts to solve them and preserve the marriage bond.
Different interests
A person with an age difference of 15 years or more is a representative of a different generation. You grew up with him on different films and fairy tales, read different books and listened to different music. You may not understand his humor and feel uncomfortable in the company of his older friends. When you want to go to a contemporary art exhibition or play mafia with friends, he dreams of going into the forest with a guitar and a barbecue grill. It is possible to overcome this gap in interests, but it is very problematic. If in the early stages of communication the difference in worldview is compensated by passion and new emotions, then in the future it will become more obvious. When, by the age of 40, the wife has built a successful career and wants to enjoy life, her 60-year-old husband is already practically a pensioner, preferring the sofa and a book. Such a difference in rhythms is a serious threat to marriage.
Problems in intimate life
When she is 25 and he is 40-something, they are still interested in being together even in the absence of mutual friends and a gap of an entire generation. The man has just entered a new stage of maturity, is in a hurry to enjoy life and see the world, plays sports and still looks good. The girl sees him as a mentor, teacher, friend and experienced lover. After 5 years, a woman enters her prime and the most productive period in her life. Some young ladies in their early 30s change their profession, set new goals for themselves, fall in love again, and feel an emotional and physical uplift. At this very time, her beloved is already 50, he increasingly refuses to go to friendly events, complains about his health and fatigue, and prefers to spend his free time watching TV. If a loving spouse does not stir up her beloved or does not come to terms with this state of affairs, most likely in a couple of years the situation will be irreparable. From 30 to 40, a woman becomes especially sensual and only opens up sexually; at this time, her 50–55-year-old half enters the stage of physical decline and cannot provide for the sexual needs of her wife. As a result, she may feel unsatisfied not only physically, but also emotionally. Such problems are usually inevitable in unequal unions.
Aging
A loved one has no age, and he even ages gracefully. Over time, spouses become similar to each other, and the environment no longer perceives the big difference so critically. When you are 20 and your spouse is 40, the difference is practically not felt, because he is still attractive and young, especially if he takes care of himself and plays sports. In 10 years, he will still see you as a little girl, and you will begin to notice how quickly your husband is aging and starting to resemble your father. His smell, voice and skin will change. The eyes become dull, and gestures and facial expressions are no longer as lively as before.
But things are not always so sad. The presence of a young muse nearby motivates a man to work hard on himself and keep himself in good shape even at 60+.
Husband's jealousy of young rivals
The age difference of 15 years not only pleases men’s pride and gives a feeling of renewed youth, but also often provokes a feeling of pathological jealousy towards guys. Such emotions arise after 44–50 years, and, as a rule, they are caused by fading sexual activity. To protect himself from potential betrayals, a man can prohibit his chosen one from wearing short skirts and dresses, attending friendly parties and corporate events where there are young guys who pose a threat to him.
What are the disadvantages of such relationships?
- A man, feeling like a girl’s father, can begin to teach and control her. On this basis, conflicts will certainly arise that will lead to a break.
- A woman, given her age, may not be ready for children yet, but a man, on the contrary, only thinks about it.
- A man gradually begins to lose ground sexually (but this is not necessary, it all depends on physiology and his lifestyle), and a woman may want variety and, accordingly, this will lead to the fact that she will have a lover, and maybe more than one.
- At some point, they may lose interest in each other - this is due to the fact that everyone around them will belong to their own age category.
What determines the man's choice?
The psychology of a man who is 20 years older than his wife is quite understandable. The older a representative of the stronger sex is, the stronger his interest in young ladies who give the energy of youth and ignite a sparkle in their eyes. The man feels cheerful again, falls in love as in his youth, is ready to move mountains and conquer any heights. Nothing increases self-esteem and motivates you to achieve heroic deeds like admiration and interest in the eyes of a young girl. Inspired by such emotions, mature men often leave their families and leave their aging wives, who no longer look at them with their former delight.
Simplicity and ease of relationships
The young lady is not yet burdened with the burden of long-term relationships and marriage bonds; she still easily trusts men, looking into their eyes, easily falls in love and indulges in emotional impulses. It is this kind of childish lightness and spontaneity that an adult who already has a marriage behind him (or even more than one) and the baggage of unsuccessful relationships can expect. A young girl is active and passionate about her own affairs, so most likely she will not complain about the lack of attention and scold her chosen one for every little thing.
Authority
A wife who is much younger indirectly confirms her husband’s wealth in many areas. In the eyes of the public, he looks like an accomplished, confident man, capable of winning the heart of a young lady with his status and experience.
Desire to have children
The desire to continue their family line can arise in men at any age, including after 45, especially if before that he was busy with a career and did not have time to start a family. In this case, he is looking for a wife of childbearing age - 10 or more years younger than himself. Youth here acts as a kind of guarantee of the ability to bear and give birth to more than one child.
"Raising" the Ideal Wife
Having gone through unsuccessful marriages and divorces, representatives of the stronger half of humanity either completely abandon the idea of another marriage, or are looking for a young girl who can be raised to suit their ideas of an ideal wife. A man is pessimistic about his own peers, considering them to be mature personalities who can no longer be changed and remade to suit themselves.
The youth and beauty of his wife
A husband 20 years older perceives his young wife as a source of youthful energy and beauty. It is much easier to feel attracted to this nymph than to someone of the same age. The desire to satisfy a young mistress in bed gives a man a second wind and additional strength, he feels younger and healthier than before. Neither a successful career nor a high income can give him such emotions. It has been proven that a midlife crisis with a young partner is less painful.
A man is 10 years older than a woman
Many psychologists note that 5–10 years is the optimal age difference between husband and wife. There are no special rules when building relationships with such an age difference. These are people from the same generation with similar interests and views. The husband in such a marriage is more mature and experienced than the wife, but he is not fit to be her father. When getting married after 30 years, you should be aware that your significant other already has experience in relationships, including family ones. Don’t be jealous and don’t show doubts - if a person got married again at such an advanced age, he has probably made his choice.
A man is 15 years older than a woman
The difference of 15 years between a man and a woman will sometimes make itself felt. In such a union, it is mainly the girl who will have to show humility and wisdom, since she will be the one who will be missing something. If your husband is 15 years or more older, consider several important nuances:
- Do not try to change your spouse - this will not lead to anything good and will most likely push him away from you.
- Do not provoke him to jealousy - this can cause complexes and self-doubt in him.
- Do not prohibit seeing children from previous marriages.
- Develop and surprise your lover - you won’t be able to retain the attention of a mature and wise man with just youth; after some time, your personality will still come first.
How to become his ideal companion
If a man is much older, difficulties may begin in the relationship. The age difference cannot but show itself. If you love the person next to you, learn to understand him and make concessions, even if you don’t want to do it:
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- If the age difference is about 20 years, do not try to change the man. He is already a mature personality, so he is unlikely to share your interests. If your companion is not interested in noisy companies and active entertainment, he wants to go home early, then you will have to look for a compromise.
- Don't try to make your loved one jealous. You need to behave more modestly. If a man sees that you communicate too freely with a peer, then he will be disappointed in the relationship and decide to end it.
- If your lover has children from a previous marriage, try to become a friend to them and sometimes spend time together and invite them to family holidays. When you can’t find a common language, at least don’t escalate the situation.
- If you fall in love with a man 20 years older, then remember that now your appearance should correspond to his status. Don't allow yourself to dress too revealingly or brightly. It would be inappropriate.
- Listen to the advice of your adult partner and emphasize that his opinion is important to you. He will definitely appreciate it and reciprocate with the same respect.
If a girl chooses a man ten or more years older for a serious relationship, this is beneficial for her. The union has advantages both financially and for other reasons. Of course, the couple will have to face problems. But if you fall in love, you can handle it. You need to work on relationships at any age.
A man is 20 years older than a woman
With such a difference, a strong marriage is possible only if there is true love and respect between the spouses. The young wife will have to come to terms with the age characteristics of her lover, protect him from stress and anxiety, and not risk his health for the sake of active recreation and dangerous hobbies. Listen to your man’s advice and take into account his opinion, while remaining the same little girl. Any representative of the stronger sex, regardless of age, wants his beloved to recognize his authority and not challenge the decisions he makes.
