10 psychological barriers to communication, their causes and ways to overcome them

A psychological barrier is a special mental state in which an individual cannot carry out certain actions. Such conditions occur due to inappropriately acute negative psychological experiences regarding current problems or specific situations. Subjectively, psychological barriers are experienced by a person as insurmountable difficulties in establishing relationships and communication connections and are accompanied by self-dissatisfaction, self-rejection, low self-esteem, and a low level of aspirations.

The presence of such characteristics leads to intrapersonal psychological conflicts, fear, guilt, anxiety, various complexes, in particular an inferiority complex.

Types of psychological barriers: communication barriers, individual psychological and socio-psychological personality barriers.

In communication, psychological barriers of communication and semantic barriers of personality are distinguished. Psychological barriers to communication are directly related to the difficulties a person encounters when organizing his communicative interaction.

A semantic psychological barrier occurs due to mutual misunderstanding between people who fill one event with different meanings. In every area of ​​human interaction there is the possibility of psychological semantic barriers arising. We can highlight those relationships in which they most often arise - this is a semantic psychological barrier in the relationship between children and parents, wife and husband, manager and subordinate.

Individual psychological barriers of a person are manifested in his lack of self-confidence, excessive shyness, tightness, fears, and anxiety.

Overcoming psychological barriers occurs with the help of a psychologist, special training or self-development.

Social and psychological barriers of an individual are a special condition that depends on the psychological characteristics of the individual himself, but to a greater extent on the specific situation of his life. Thus, a person’s bad mood, caused by a negative set of circumstances, can become a psychological barrier that deforms a person’s attention and understanding in a certain situation of communication with a partner.

Negative Attitude Barrier, or Prejudicial Attitude

Imagine: you are about to communicate with a person about whom you have only heard bad reviews. You go into a meeting with a negative attitude and a prejudiced attitude. This is the communication barrier. How does it show up at a meeting:

• instead of a smile and a positive greeting, you frown and greet in a stern voice;
• you take every word a person says with hostility;
• looking for a catch in everything.

But, perhaps, those people from whom you heard bad things were themselves to blame for the fact that communication did not work out, and in front of you is a completely adequate person. But the installation has done its job - your communication with him is also not going well. For example: the interlocutor is used to deciding everything quickly and only to the point, and you, under the influence of an attitude, take his direct statements as rudeness and already accuse him of this.

What to do: rely only on your idea of ​​people. If you are not yet familiar, then adhere to the belief: “All people are good. And if this is not so, then let a specific person himself convince me otherwise.” God himself bequeathed this: “The commandment that He left us says this: he who loves God must also love his brother” (RBO, I John 4:21). By brother here we mean any person - close or unfamiliar.

Definition and classification

A psychological barrier is a specific state of a person that prevents the implementation of his plans and prevents him from taking an active position in life. Every individual sooner or later encounters such barriers without even realizing it, since they arise on a subconscious level.

There are these types of psychological barriers.

1. "Barrier of Opposites" It occurs in the case of contact between individuals who have contrasting temperaments, for example, communication between a choleric person and a melancholic person, an optimist with a pessimist, and this can also include the interaction between a boss and a subordinate. In all these pairs, there is a contrast in the tempo of speech and gestures; different social statuses are possible, leading to opposing views on life.
2. "First impression". This barrier is the internal fear of an individual who is unsure of himself, who worries that he will not be able to make the right impression with the necessary acquaintance.
3. "Moral barrier". A situation where an individual who does not tolerate rudeness, rude attitude, or deceit creates a protective barrier based on his moral principles. In essence, the individual protects himself from communicating with people who are unpleasant to him.
4. "Personal barrier" It is possible, for example, when during communication between two interlocutors a conflict situation arises due to different views on life. Each interlocutor remains with his own opinion. In such a situation, a personal barrier can be built between people, which often turns out to be difficult to overcome or even leads to a complete end to communication.
5. "Individual barrier". Is a character trait. A similar appearance can be observed in people with increased shyness and anxiety. This condition prevents self-realization. If you do not fight it, then over time it will affect the formation of stable personality traits, such as distrust, suspiciousness and wariness.

Communication barriers include the following types:

• semantic, which arises when two people have different perceptions of the same concept;
• logical, noted in the case of an individual’s inability to clearly and distinctly voice his thoughts (there may be jumping from one topic to another, inconsistent presentation of information);
• phonetic, which occurs when the individual conducting the dialogue has poorly delivered speech.

The emergence of psychological barriers is also possible in intimate life. In this case, a person may experience the following symptoms:

• feigned sexuality;
• stiffness of movements, fear of making sounds or moving during intimacy;
• lack of excitement;
• loss of sensation;
• tension;
• detachment.

A variant of the norm is considered to be a situation when a person, in very rare cases, encounters difficulties in voicing his desires, he has problems defending his point of view, he is unable to step over himself. However, if such difficulties are observed on an ongoing basis, then there is a serious problem. A person experiencing psychological barriers is in a state of stress, he is limited in his actions, constrained in his reasoning.

Barrier of stereotypes

It is similar to the psychological barrier of a negative attitude, but in this case the prejudiced attitude is formed not by reviews, but by stereotypes or secondary associations. Example: you communicate with a person and find out that he works for an organization about which you have only heard bad reviews. Your attitude towards this person immediately becomes negative.

Examples of other popular stereotypes:

• “Driving a car is not a woman’s job.”
• “All Germans are enemies, our grandfathers fought with them.”
• “Estonians are very slow.”
• “You can’t make money on the Internet. And those who say they have made money are charlatans.”
• "All athletes are stupid."
• “You can’t earn a lot of money honestly,” etc.

All these are erroneous beliefs that not only interfere with communication and hinder personal development, but also incite wars and conflicts.

What to do: Develop flexible thinking. Don’t repeat after someone, but gain your own experience - this will help overcome the barrier in communication. Destroy stereotypes by communicating with different people, observing them and drawing your own conclusions. For example, at the online marathon “I’m rich, happy and making money online,” we teach you how to earn money honestly on the Internet. It's possible. If you accept this, you will get rid of psychological barriers in communicating with those who also know how to make money online and are ready to share their proven methods. And as long as you think in stereotypes, you won’t even listen to it. And it takes you away from your dream life.

What is a psychological barrier

A psychological barrier is a person’s condition that prevents him from performing desired actions and becomes an obstacle to the manifestation of his personality qualities.

For example, even if he wants to, he cannot talk freely in the company of a new person, limiting himself to a short “yes-no.” At the same time, among old acquaintances he is usually open and relaxed.

If a psychological barrier leads to negative experiences, then it is worth thinking about the reasons for their occurrence. This will help you figure out how to overcome this condition.

Barrier of psychological defense

“I don’t understand why I answered so rudely,” “I wanted to say a lot, but then it was like I swallowed my tongue”—familiar expressions? It's good if not. Some people in communication adhere to the principles “The best defense is an attack” or “Pretend that you are not there.” They are rude or silent to protect themselves. Behind this are hidden internal problems: uncertainty, complexes, fears. Common fears include:

• “What if I get rejected?”
• “What if I’m misunderstood?”
• “I will definitely be criticized.”
• “They will laugh at me” and the like.

Some people are fundamentally afraid of social contacts. They can't even accurately articulate their fear. And this also becomes a barrier in communication between people.

What to do: observe yourself and track the thoughts that appear before inappropriate reactions in communication. It is important to understand what internal problem is bothering you and work through it.

Motivational barrier

This barrier occurs in cases where people have different motives for entering into a conversation. For example, you want to talk with your husband about going on vacation, and he wants to discuss with you the problem of buying a new car. In this case, people will not only not understand each other, it can lead to conflict in the family. In order to avoid troubles, before starting a conversation, voice the topic you want to talk about.

Character barrier

Every person is unique. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages, features. All this, of course, affects communication. If you have pointed, pronounced individual character traits, such as theatricality in behavior and speech, then this can become a barrier between you and other people. Not everyone likes to communicate with someone who always “plays to the crowd.” And there are also characteristics of temperament that also become psychological barriers, for example, the hot temper of a melancholic person or the thoughtfulness and emotionlessness of a phlegmatic person.

What to do: understand yourself, accept all your characteristics, advantages and disadvantages. Think about which of them interfere with communication, and how this can be corrected. Within the framework of this article, it is impossible to give a universal algorithm - you need to develop an individual plan. If you want to develop your best sides, then sign up for the course “How to Identify Your Talents and Personal Strengths.” With its help, you will get to know yourself and understand how to manage your characteristics.

Causes of psychological barriers

People are so self-obsessed that they think they and their problems are unique. Meanwhile, more than 30% of them regularly experience problems in communication, and, therefore, face psychological barriers. Most often this is expressed in anxiety, discomfort and unreasonable fear:

• fear of being misunderstood;
• anxiety that it will not be possible to do something new, in which there is no practical experience;
• stress caused by unfamiliar surroundings and people;
• anxiety and uncertainty when communicating with strangers.

These signs will be found in people who have low self-esteem, internal disharmony, a severe closed character, immaturity and worries about the unknown of the future.

When communicating with other people, they perceive and transmit information through the prism of their own experience. This is what causes psychological barriers to arise.

Barrier to selective hearing

“You only hear what you want to hear,” one person accuses another. And perhaps he is right if the interlocutor has a selective listening barrier. People tend to seek confirmation of what they say or refutation of what they cannot accept. Some people refuse to accept any new information. Others are ready to accept some things, but not others. For example, they do not know how to admit their mistakes and therefore ignore any information indicating them. In any case, this is another protective mechanism of the psyche. This is how the brain tries to keep a person in his comfort zone, to maintain his sense of security and self-confidence.

What to do: Be open to new experiences. Behind psychological inflexibility there are often fears and complexes. For example, as we have already said, the inability to admit one’s mistakes and the fear of making mistakes. Determine what limits your perception. Why are you not ready to hear different opinions and perceive the world holistically? This is what we need to work with.

Communication reasons for barriers

A communication barrier is a consequence of a mismatch in the vocabulary of the interlocutors. It arises due to differences in education, incorrect reading of the text, lack of adequate translation and other errors in the interpretation of individual terms. Barriers of this type can be divided into three types, which are fundamentally different from each other.

Communication barriers are:

1. Logical. They arise in a situation where one person cannot express his thoughts. His statements are chaotic and devoid of logic, making it difficult for others to understand his opinion. If everyone involved in an interpersonal interaction has difficulty expressing their thoughts, communication becomes almost impossible.
2. Phonetic. Appears in people who have diction problems. They cannot clearly pronounce sounds and the meaning of what is said is distorted. Incorrect placement of semantic stresses can also complicate communication. As a rule, this difficulty does not have much impact on the conversation between native speakers, but when communicating with a foreigner it causes serious misunderstandings.
3. Semantic. They arise when people understand different things under the same term. This difference in perception depends on the level of education, interests and constant circle of contacts. Depending on the type of personality, a person selects his own interpretation of the thesis, and it may not coincide with the opinions of other participants in the discussion. With a high level of intelligence, interlocutors identify inconsistencies and choose different terminology.

Communication barriers are more common than psychological barriers, but have a lesser impact. Thus, a person who suffers from a stutter or an inability to pronounce certain sounds, but has not encountered condemnation, will speak freely. But a person with normal diction, who has a fear of being judged for his opinion, will not even try to defend it and will take a passive role in the discussion.

Barrier of age/status/experience

Some people prefer to see doctors only with extensive experience. If they go to novice specialists, they communicate with them somewhat biasedly and distrustfully. Some may even say directly: “What can this psychologist teach me! I’m 20 years older than him, so I probably understand more in life.” This is an example of a psychological barrier of experience.

Other similar types of communication barriers work similarly:

But in reality, status, age, experience or anything else doesn’t mean that much and says almost nothing about a person. The younger generation can teach the older generation something new, useful and interesting. If a person lives modestly, but at the same time offers courses on making money, this does not mean that his courses are useless. Perhaps material wealth is not of such value to him; he does charity work and invests in his spiritual development.

What to do: try to evaluate yourself and others less, be unbiased, and work with facts. For example, everyday psychology and scientific psychology are different things. Yes, a psychologist’s client may be wiser from the point of view of everyday philosophy, but the psychologist knows all the intricacies of psychology from the point of view of science. It is important to remember this in all such controversial issues. And remember that someone can judge you the same way. Therefore, rely on the wisdom of Spiritual Economy: “Judge not, lest you be judged. Just as you judge others, you will also be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (NRT Matt. 7:1-2).

The word “barrier” is quite ambiguous and most often implies an obstacle on the way (in sports - hurdling), but it can also mean the threshold value of some characteristic (overcoming the sound barrier) and even a prohibition (the incest barrier in psychoanalysis).

A psychological barrier is an internal obstacle of a mental nature that prevents a person from successfully performing certain actions. It consists of strengthening negative experiences and attitudes: fear, anxiety, low self-esteem, shame, guilt, etc.

It often happens that over time, a psychological barrier takes on the character of a complex due to the combination of various kinds of ideas, attitudes and developed habits, and anxiety can develop into a phobia .

Modern psychologists classify fear of any undertaking They began to be diagnosed in a person’s professional activity. This includes people who are afraid of changing their usual ways of doing things and who are usually called conservative. The risk group includes people who have a relatively long work experience in one field. There are studies that show that the possibility of neophobia increases especially in people after 40–45 years of age.

Indeed, quite a large number of people have a psychological barrier to starting anything important in their lives : getting into a relationship, getting another education/profession, organizing career growth, changing jobs, organizing their own business from scratch, changing apartments, moving to another city ​​or country, change your environment, take up a new hobby (hobby), etc. In everyday life you can hear a complaint: we need to start all over again, but it’s too late! Linguistically, this phrase contains “toxic” attitudes : everything should be changed at once, you will have to return to the “zero” state, there is a period after which it makes no sense to do anything.

Just don’t change everything at once! All the most important changes should be carried out comfortably and gradually. You should use your experience correctly: there is no zero in experience! At any age you can change your life and become effective! There are many examples in the history of mankind when people in adulthood radically changed their lives, reaching heights and making themselves and their surroundings happy!

Of course, in each specific case, the attitudes that are hidden behind the psychological barrier are individual in nature. It is important for a consultant to be able to diagnose them correctly and then select the necessary means of assistance. In my author’s method “Coaching a Personality’s Life Path,” a whole range of tools has been developed aimed at developing this competence. And a whole series of consulting sessions has been created for clients, allowing them to quickly and effectively cope with such difficulties.

What is hidden behind the type of psychological barrier being discussed? Most often these are the following symptoms:

• Fear of uncertainty.
• Lack of motivation to leave the achieved comfort zone.
• Low level of development of initiative independence (subjectivity).
• A developed life scenario that does not create the proper focus on the future and is not focused on transforming oneself, one’s path, or achieving something new.

Most often, the first two symptoms from this list predominate. That is why we will focus on them. In addition, the other two have already been the subject of a number of articles by the author, available for reading online.

So, in order for the article to become a practical tool for the reader right now, perform a simple diagnosis. To do this, follow the following steps of the intelligent algorithm that I offer my clients in such cases:

• Assess which type of changes from the above (relationships with loved ones, social environment, work, education, career growth, own business, place of residence, financial well-being, etc.) cause the greatest difficulties?
• Formulate a possible desired outcome of the changes.
• Begin to imagine the desired outcome in the chosen context in detail, as if it had already happened, and notice what thoughts and feelings arise.
• Imagine in more detail the progress and process of achievement (your activity, system of actions).
• Note for yourself the differences between presenting the result and the progress of implementation.

If something doesn’t work out right away, then repeat this step or even the entire algorithm several times. As a result, evaluate for yourself what the difficulty is: is it more in negative states (worry, anxiety, fear, etc.) or lack of motivation due to the achieved comfort zone? In addition, another aspect of the difficulty will immediately become obvious to you: it is the quality of the changes themselves or your activity (it is difficult for you to imagine yourself implementing the changes). What is not at all the same thing should be clearly distinguished. After all , the better you know your “enemies,” the greater the chances of finding options to cope with them. The most common difference will be the following: “fear” has a more pronounced sensory connotation, and emotions prevail over thoughts, and the manifestation of a comfort zone is more often, on the contrary, associated with many “background thoughts”, excuses, which occurs in a relatively neutral state (the emotional background is insignificant and most often associated with regrets from lost profits). Fear of uncertainty is also characterized by a lack of clear ideas (internal images) about the result and process of change.

Now let's look in more detail at each of the symptoms .

When talking about the symptom “fear of uncertainty ,” it is important to initially distinguish between anxiety and phobia .

By the word “fear” people tend to understand one of the types of sensory psychological barriers. For example, you can often hear: I am afraid to speak in front of an audience. This often does not mean that a person has a phobia of the auditorium. Most likely, he is experiencing anxiety.

If we simplistically highlight the main thing, they can be distinguished as a manifestation of fear of varying intensity. Without going into many professional subtleties of the difference between fear and phobia, it can be noted that

Anxiety is a manifestation of negative emotions associated with inconsistency with expectations and the usual state of affairs, a premonition of a negative outcome or danger.

It is not a pathological condition, but, on the contrary, is associated with the subconscious mobilization of the body’s mental forces to overcome a potentially negative, dangerous situation. People tend to be anxious, otherwise human beings would be deprived of vital information from our biological indicators, which are always “on alert”. For example, as soon as you smell smoke or household gas, a person begins to worry about his safety. Sometimes anxiety is defined as a mild (low intensity) manifestation of fear. A phobia is a strongly expressed (very high intensity), pathological fear that cannot be explained logically, a persistent experience of excessive, uncontrollable anxiety. It is accompanied by a powerful physiological reaction: numbness, muscle tension, holding your breath, sweating hands, etc. In addition, uncertainty phobia tends to cover a wide range of situations. In other words, if a person is afraid of any new circumstances, then he has a phobia! For example, he is very afraid to call a new organization, go to an unfamiliar place, take a different road, make an appointment with an unfamiliar doctor, etc. In the West, neophobia is effectively treated with the help of psychopharmacology, but it is not so dangerous to resort to only this method of struggle; Psychotherapeutic practices also work well.

It is useful for the reader to immediately decide whether he is showing anxiety in relation to new beginnings or whether he is really “panickily afraid” of everything unknown . To do this, it is useful to return to the diagnostic results.

It is enough to assess the intensity of the emotional state and remember the typical physiological manifestations. In the case of neophobia, which is extremely rare, you should consult a psychotherapist.

In a situation of anxiety, it makes sense to understand what it is associated with. Below is a checklist of the most common reasons:

• Anxiety about lack of experience.
• Anxiety about experiencing a complete collapse, not being able to cope with the “big thing.”
• Anxiety about the lack of starting resources (money, health, time).
• Anxiety about making a mistake.
• Anxiety of too much responsibility, not achieving the “ideal” quality of the result, not being perfect (perfectionism).
• Anxiety about losing what you have.
• Age limit anxiety.
• Anxiety about wasting oneself (strength, energy, etc.).
• Anxiety is about looking bad in your own eyes.
• Anxiety about looking bad in other people's eyes.

The first eight options show the actual content of the reasons - what anxiety states arise around, and the last two - the localization of a possible negative assessment (“I” - “other”).

Knowing what exactly is causing concern is already part of the solution to complexity. In addition, anxiety (fear) provides additional energy that can be used! How can this be done? One of the general mechanisms for transforming anxiety is quite simple, it is associated with a change in meaning and attitude, first to the condition itself, and then to its cause, after which it is useful to clarify everything related to uncertainty, since uncertainty should be “treated” with clarity.

To do this, you can use the author’s coaching technique “Anxiety Management” , presented here in the form of a case:

1. Determine your personal positive intention for this state. To do this, think about what is important and useful in anxiety? Find (write down) several answers. For example, at a minimum, it does not leave you indifferent and encourages you to look for a way out of the situation. Helps you focus your attention on the cause of your anxiety so you don't miss a possible problem. Could it be that anxiety is your unconscious mind's way of warning you in time and allowing you to be well prepared before making any changes? Then the degree of anxiety (intensity) is a criterion of your internal readiness? As a result, anxiety does not stop you so much as calls you to even greater activity at the stage of preparing for change?
2. Find new meaning to the cause of anxiety. To do this, think about the opposite cases, situations where the cause brought positivity. For example, in relation to “fear of error”. Errors show progress. Is there at least one person who has mastered the triple toe loop in figure skating without a single fall? An experienced coach will tell you that changing the type of error shows the level of skill! Then perhaps mistakes and missteps are the primary accompaniments of experience? And vice versa, the following statement is true: if you didn’t make mistakes, does that mean you didn’t learn anything fundamentally new?
3. Identify your own “control lever” for anxiety, determine the “sensitivity threshold” . Realize what exactly will reduce the intensity of anxiety? What influences your emotionality the most in this situation? If the positive meaning of anxiety was readiness for change, what mistakes does this experience protect you from? So what exactly should you consider? What mistakes to avoid? Make a list of steps that will minimize this type of error. For example, if you were afraid of losing money, what should you consider in your planned changes? What risks will be minimal? Who and what will help you get financial security for everything you undertake? Find the "sensitivity threshold". In this case: how much money is it critical for you to lose? Create a scale of “a lot” - “a little” anxiety: 1000 rubles, 5000, 10000, 20000, etc.? Find an individual criterion. After this, evaluate in what situations the planned changes will be completely acceptable (safe). Develop several options for managing the intensity of your condition. For example, if the change was in the “stock” game, how much money can be invested relatively easily to begin with and for what period? Define precise boundaries.
4. Find the positive results and effects of overcoming anxiety. Think about specific positive things that will happen when you deal with your anxiety. What will this mean for you and your life? Also find some “broader” enriching meanings. For example, in the case of finance: how will the positive outcome of receiving passive income from investing in stocks change your well-being? What can you buy with this money in 3–5 years? How will this experience of coping with anxiety affect your personality? What more will you get?
5. Strengthen your self-esteem and enrich your understanding of your personal identity. When you overcome your anxiety and make changes, who will you be in the eyes of other people (meaningful environment)? Who will you become in your own eyes? How will your personal identity expand? What roles will be updated? For example, would you consider yourself an effective manager of your own wealth? Or maybe the master of life? Who you are?
6. Conduct an environmental audit . Answer the question: If you start managing your anxiety this way, will it make anything else in your life worse? Is everything appropriate and environmentally friendly? If not, then think about what you can do to realize your ecology.
7. Create a clear plan for implementing change.
8. Determine the trigger , the starting action, after which you will definitely move in the right direction!

If you had several reasons for concern, then perform this algorithm with each of them separately.

Of course, it is better to carry out this psychotechnics together with an experienced consultant, but its steps are specifically described so that the basic techniques for managing “fear of uncertainty” : searching for a positive intention, step-by-step redefinition of meaning, finding a “state control lever,” creating a positive result and its effects ( certainty), strengthening self-esteem - could be relatively easily understood and implemented independently. Unlike many other tools, it represents a conscious level of regulation by human experience, when the client understands what he is doing and receives the keys to the “secrets” of transformation (acts as a subject). Practicing its implementation usually increases motivation for change in general!

Having received the tools to overcome anxiety, it is useful to move on to working with the next symptom - lack of motivation to leave the “comfort zone” .

Everyone has long known that each person tends to fall into his own comfort zone , stay in it for years, get out of it with great difficulty, or even not part with it at all. One of the qualities of high achievers is the ability to quickly discover their comfort zone and easily leave it. We can say metaphorically that they even have psychological immunity from getting stuck in it, therefore they show special flexibility and are not conservatives!

What is hidden behind the comfort zone? The most common answer you hear from most people is laziness . But is this really so? Why then did people do something to achieve comfort, and then suddenly became lazy? This concept is an abstraction, behind which something more concrete is always hidden. Here an analogy suggests itself about another abstraction that M.A. ridiculed. Bulgakov, in the words of his character Professor Preobrazhensky:

“What is this destruction of yours? Old woman with a stick? The witch who broke all the windows and put out all the lamps? Yes, it doesn’t exist at all. What do you mean by this word? This is this: if, instead of operating every evening, I start singing in chorus in my apartment, I will be in ruins. If, entering the restroom, I start, excuse the expression, urinating past the toilet, and Zina and Daria Petrovna do the same, devastation will begin in the restroom. Consequently, the devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads .”

Behind laziness lies an energy-saving mode of operation, in which possible higher results seem either unrealistic or too overwhelming, when the investment of effort does not justify what is achieved .
Comfort zone is a living space in which a person feels confident and protected. This zone has “virtual boundaries” - spatial, temporal , social. By building them, a person realizes the intention to make his existence predictable and familiar, and ultimately comfortable. The main reason for falling into this zone is a low level of need for achievement or a significant decrease in aspirations after what was previously achieved.

A person seems to inhibit his ability to actively work in the direction of self-realization. Everything that has been achieved begins to seem to him like a successful “bird in the hand”, which is much better than the “pie in the sky” that still needs to be chased! People usually say, I could achieve more, but I'm lazy, I've already achieved a lot . Sounds like self-justification for one's own inaction. The main manifestation of the symptom of being stuck in the comfort zone is precisely excuses for achieving more.

What to do in this case? By the way, if a person is looking for an answer to this question and has found a similar article, this means that the inner voice of positive doubt exists and two states periodically struggle in a person: the desire to move forward and the energy-saving comfort mode.

Most articles and various publications boil down to primitive advice: take up sports, cook, go to the theater or an exhibition, organize a trip, find a club of similar interests, etc. Perhaps they will brighten up your existence, but, unfortunately, they will not change anything fundamental in life. Most likely, after some time, the steps taken will simply complement the existing comfort zone!

My many years of consulting practice show a number of cases where people seek coaching in similar situations. Among them are the following:

• A significant decrease in usual comfort (for example, during the crisis, wages fell by half).
• The threat of losing what has been achieved in the future (for example, there is a serious tendency that this business will either cease to generate significant income or will cease to be relevant at all).
• A positive, individually significant (reference) example of someone you know who, even with less starting capabilities, achieved significant results with relatively adequate investments of resources (effort, money, time, etc.)!

According to my observations, there are significantly more negatively motivated people on this list than positively motivated ones. This corresponds to the conclusions of A. Maslow that there are approximately 2% of people striving for self-improvement (self-actualization). Let's think about why people naturally step out of their comfort zone for the reasons mentioned above.

As you know, you quickly get used to good things, and when a crisis occurs, a person is not ready to put up with the losses that have arisen or the impending threat that could deprive him of everything. In this case, he quite easily turns on the internal mechanism of access to long-existing psychological resources to perform the next “miracle”. Indeed, a person stuck in a comfort zone has significant experience of certain achievements, around which this “blessed” environment, as a rule, has been unconsciously built for him. The third considered case of spontaneous options for leaving the comfort zone is associated with positive motivation. The good news is that everyone tends to want to be better. The only question is whether the charge of motivation will be so strong that a person will stop being “lazy” and begin to act actively. Analysis of spontaneous ways of getting out of one’s own “quiet backwater” can serve as the basis for building an effective strategy for overcoming this symptom. The reader has a chance to use two tools at the same time: to slightly scare himself with the possibility of losing everything and then to create a powerful “magnet” that attracts you beyond the horizon of your own achievements.

A study of the “comfort zone” state itself among clients showed that its structure contains the following components:

• Lack of a clear idea of ​​the desired results at a higher level (the presence of only sketches of possible progress) and a detailed plan for their implementation.
• Periodic “weighing” of the significance of potential achievements with the expenditure of available resources (effort, time, money, etc.), which does not occur in favor of active actions.
• Stereotypes that stop you from moving forward (limiting beliefs), for example: “I’m not old enough to run around like crazy again!”
• Stabilizers of the current state (secondary benefits), making it sufficiently durable in relation to change.

A number of special techniques in the Personal Life Path Coaching technology are devoted to working with limiting stereotypes (beliefs and unconscious attitudes); they represent a linguistically finely tuned work of a psychotherapist, so it is not discussed in detail in this article.
Thus, to summarize all of the above,

in the strategy for leaving the comfort zone, the following should happen: updating negative motives, overcoming stereotypes, finding higher meanings of self-development (special attractiveness), formulating a new stage of self-realization that does not require too much cost, satisfying the benefits from a state of inaction.

Of course, it is better to do all this under the guidance of a professional coach who can implement an individual approach. But at the same time, the reader can be offered a universal tool for independently achieving certain progress.

To get out of the comfort zone, I suggest my clients follow the steps of the technology described below:

1. Make a list of your most significant life achievements in different contexts. As you review your experiences, think about what you truly value in your comfort zone. If we sum up everything acquired and accumulated, what is the meaning of the years lived and the accomplishments achieved? What could become the meaning of your life, your purpose in the next 5–10 years?
2. Play the “As If” game. Answer the question in as much detail as possible (write an essay): if investing resources were relatively easy to “lift,” what would be the next step in your self-realization? Engage your dreamer and create a blueprint for a possible ambitious advancement. Select 3–5 most significant contexts of life and answer what would be a “new level” of existence for you in profession, family relationships, health, education/self-development, etc. Remember that we are talking about vital achievements here that can really change something radically.
3. Use SMART (or Well-Articulated Outcome) models to clarify ambitious goals for your desired future.
4. Create a version of the implementation plan for the imagined project of your new future. Write it down as an algorithm of relatively simple actions.
5. Assess what specific resources will actually be needed? Think about how they can be optimized, so that investments are significantly lower than the moral and material dividends received. To do this, remember your experience in implementing the most ambitious plans and identify internal and external resources that led to success.
6. Find 2–3 people in your immediate circle who have solved similar problems. Ask them in detail about the action strategy. Summarize everything you found and optimize your resources.
7. Think about what will happen if you lose what you have achieved in your comfort zone? How will your life change? List what you will lose. Consider under what circumstances this might happen. What external and internal crises can lead to a negative outcome?
8. Determine which values ​​will be violated in a crisis (family, self-realization, status, money, etc.)? Answer the question, what will be the best protection of these values, what will be the “safety cushion” for your life as a whole? How can stepping out of your comfort zone provide personal protection from these threats and various risks?
9. Formulate what values ​​you personally hold higher than those indicated in the previous paragraph? For example, these could be values ​​of the highest order: legacy to other generations, raising children, development of any field (science, art, sports), etc. How can they be implemented in the project of your desired future? If the connection is not obvious, make it as specific as possible by linking the value and possible achievements.
10. Enrich your personal identity. Answer the questions: having realized a new level of your existence, who will you become? How will your professional role change? What will your loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances say about you? What materializes your best version of yourself?
11. Make a list of the benefits of your current state. These include comfort, stability, cost savings, etc.
12. Determine how each of them can be best satisfied. For example, what is the most comfortable way to step out of your comfort zone? What will further enhance your stability in future achievements? What is the most economical way to invest resources in a new future? Etc.

Of course, this technology is designed for those who are willing to devote due attention, time and effort to it. For a person who has never undergone coaching sessions, it may seem voluminous and not too easy to implement. That is why training and coaching programs were created at one time.

Those who do not want and do not like to go to the gym usually turn to a trainer who competently accompanies the process of improving physical fitness. He knows how to achieve results correctly and most easily. Combinations are possible though. For example, get a one-time consultation with a detailed description of everything that needs to be done, and then independently implement what is proposed. There is also an option when you can experiment yourself in the gym, simply by reading various articles on this topic. True, most people do not have such a high level of self-organization in order to do everything correctly and with the necessary regularity. With psychological difficulties, the situation is even more complex, since even the presence of effective technology does not guarantee that the causes of the problems do not lie much deeper than the symptoms discussed. In this case, an experienced professional consultant who can truly help deeply is very important.

Within the framework of this article, a serious attempt has been made to talk in a rather practical way about the most common difficulties encountered by people. The responsibility for managing the knowledge gained lies with you. In what form and how you will act further is your own choice. I am sure that knowing yourself, you will be able to choose the most comfortable and effective option for moving forward. You may find my “Job Satisfaction Test” useful, video lessons on the following topics: “Finding your passion” and “Achieving ambitious goals”, as well as articles: “Why do people put off the most important things in life “for later”, and how to do it be?”, “Be happy at work: three factors influencing satisfaction in professional activity and quality of life”, “At the behest of the pike”: why people envy Emelya.”

I wish you impressive achievements and pleasure on the path of further self-development!

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Barrier to substitution of facts and feelings

Sometimes in communication people react not to the facts and words of their opponent, but to the feelings that these words aroused. For example, one person made an appropriate remark to another, but he does not know how to accept criticism, so he instantly became offended and angry (this reminded him of how his mother often criticized him as a child). Objective criticism is a neutral fact. But the man succumbed to his feelings and answers his interlocutor: “If you don’t like it, do it yourself.” The conversation is over, cooperation has reached a dead end. And if a person responded not to feelings, but to the words of the interlocutor, then it would look like this: “Yes, a fair point. Thanks for noticing. Please tell me how to fix this."

What to do: develop the skill of managing emotions. Learn to manage your feelings and separate them from the essence. Do a psychological exercise right now: remember a recent situation in which you responded to feelings rather than facts, and figure it out. Get to the facts and answer them for yourself. Repeat this exercise every day.

Logical barrier

A logical obstacle in a conversation is the inability to formulate phrases and then express them through verbal communication. These are people who cannot find the words to express a certain situation or are unable to cope with the flow of thoughts and emotions flying through their brain. The reasons for such manifestations may be the following factors:

Lack of education; Stiffness and shyness.

When faced with such a person, be patient, listen to him with Olympian calm, and ask. Only in this case will you be able to wait for the “rational grain” of everything you hear. If you are such a person yourself, follow these rules:

Listen carefully to those people who know how to speak beautifully. Surely, among your friends there are such people; Buy educational literature. This could be a textbook on logic or a master class on the art of public speaking; Take a public speaking course.

Ask your friends to help you overcome the logic barrier through “feedback” and their recommendations.

Barrier of emotional state

Think about how you communicate when you feel unwell physically or mentally. For example, when sick or mentally tired, many people become irritable. Some, in a state of anger or grief, lash out at the first person who comes to hand. People in a state of shame or guilt tend to agree with the interlocutor, suppress themselves and give in. And it happens that a person simply got off on the wrong foot and, due to a bad mood, is rude to others or does not make contact. These are all examples of an emotional state barrier. That is, something or someone unsettled a person, and this is reflected in communication.

What to do: Try not to engage in important discussions when you are in a vulnerable state. If a conversation cannot be avoided, then warn the other person that you are not feeling well. And ask not to take possible inappropriate reactions personally. But don't use this as an excuse. Work on yourself. If you understand that you cannot maintain composure, then say: “Let's reschedule the conversation? I don’t have the strength for this now.” And, of course, it is important to process negative states in a timely manner, to express emotions, and not to suppress and accumulate them.

If you are now in a vulnerable state, then master the practice of the “Bird” resource state. You will learn to relax and restore strength in 15 minutes.

Ways to overcome psychological barriers

If you understand that you have symptoms of psychological barriers and they interfere with establishing contacts with your interlocutor, then you need to work on yourself. If you ignore this problem, then soon other manifestations will be added to: lack of initiative, willingness to give in in everything, inability to express and defend one’s opinion.

To overcome psychological barriers, you need to work on the following aspects.

1. Learn to listen to yourself and identify your feelings. At a moment when something is confusing, it is worth slowing down and asking yourself the question: “How am I feeling now?” Then further communication will become a little easier.
2. Try active therapy: individual or group trainings. With a specialist who is able to objectively assess the situation from the outside, it will be much easier to find and eliminate the root cause of psychological pressures. The main types of therapy include: dancing, rhythmic motor gymnastics, art classes, bodily therapy, practicing practical communication skills (asking for directions, taking a turn, calling customer support, etc.)
3. Practice universal phrases that can be used to eliminate an awkward pause in a conversation. It’s good if they are not closely related to a specific topic.
4. Train yourself to ask questions to your interlocutor. By doing this, you will not only support the conversation, but also show your interest in the conversation, and also learn more information about the subject of the conversation. It’s good if these are open questions that require a detailed answer, and not a dry “yes-no”.
5. Engage in self-development and broadening your horizons. This way you will raise your self-esteem and learn a lot of new things to start a conversation about. For example, you can subscribe to interesting personalities, public pages and channels on social networks. This will help you obtain new information spontaneously, rather than by searching for it on special resources.

Barrier of contempt/disgust/disgust

Reason for occurrence: the person is unpleasant in appearance. For example, some people talk arrogantly and with disgust to those who, in their opinion, look unkempt. Some people despise people with tattoos. Someone is capable of insulting a disabled person, etc. The essence of the psychological barrier is that a person judges by appearance and does not even have time to discern the content of the interlocutor.

Why is this happening:

• Some people, in principle, cannot accept the characteristics of others, because they do not accept something in themselves;
• others are biased towards a specific feature, for example, they despise alcoholics - they do not see them as sick, but as weak and lazy people, and instead of showing understanding and support, they criticize, blame, and insult.

This attitude towards someone or something is associated with personal beliefs and worldview. And sometimes with personal problems. For example, a negative attitude towards alcohol may be associated with childhood memories of an alcoholic father and resentment towards him.

What to do: determine what specifically you do not accept and despise. Think: maybe this is in you or someone close to you, but you transfer it to other people. Or maybe your parents instilled in you the wrong idea, for example, that all homeless people are bad people. Or fear is hidden behind disgust. For example, some people who are afraid of gaining weight have negative attitudes towards fat people. And also do not forget that all this comes down to the assessment of others and their condemnation. But can people judge someone, much less condemn them? No. Let us remember the words from Spiritual Economics: “Judge not, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned” (RBV, Luke 6:37). This means being kinder not only to others, but also to yourself.

How to eliminate the psychological barrier in communication

If you feel tension in a conversation with your interlocutor, then you can try to eliminate this psychological barrier in universal ways.

Communicate in a similar language

Use in conversation those phrases and expressions that are familiar to your interlocutor. Try to “mirror” his speech: repeat the tempo, intonation, construction of phrases (but this should not look forced).

Listen to the other person

Learn to listen to other people, don't interrupt them. This will not only show respect for them, but will also help you establish a deeper emotional connection.

Maintain chain of command

In a conversation, you should not put yourself above your interlocutors or, conversely, humiliate yourself in front of them. This behavior will only make you think about unpleasant thoughts that are not worth wasting your time and energy on.

Learn to find compromises

Having a clear position and strong moral principles is wonderful. But if you mindlessly insist on your own and do not agree to make concessions in order to competently resolve issues and disagreements, then you can give the impression of an infantile or absurd person. It is unlikely that anyone is drawn to communicate with such people.

Be positive

A positive attitude makes it easier to cope with any troubles and overcome psychological barriers. And an appropriate joke in a conversation can radically turn it in your favor. A person who knows how to treat everything with humor gives the impression of an intellectually developed person prone to introspection.

Minimize contact with unpleasant people

If possible, it is better to end the conversation with an irritated or aggressive person as quickly as possible. Being in this state, he is not ready for constructive dialogue.

Motivation barrier

Let's look at an example from life. One person pursues only personal goals and is interested in personal gain, while the other wants to efficiently complete a work task and advance the project itself. At some point, the first interlocutor says to the second: “Honestly, I don’t care what happens to this office. Tell me this: is my part of the job finished?” And every time he communicates, he emphasizes this.

What to do: Be frank and immediately communicate your true intentions. Avoid understatement, do not think in the spirit: “I could have guessed.” The motivation barrier is one of the few that is better to bypass rather than remove. If you and someone have different motivations, then you are simply not on the same path.

The peculiarity of psychological barriers to communication is that many people do not notice them. The first and main step in the fight against them is awareness of the problem. If people around you are increasingly saying that it is difficult to communicate with you, or you notice that they are communicating with you less, then this is a reason to think about it. If you can't build a personal life or advance your career, then perhaps it's a matter of barriers. It doesn’t happen that everyone and everything around is bad and a person is perfect. If life is not going well, then you need to look inside yourself. And if there is a problem, then you need to work on it. And if it’s hard for you to do this on your own, then sign up for the course “Your own psychologist 2.0. Diagnosis of life using the method of people from the Forbes top 100.” With its help, you will understand yourself, find and eliminate negative attitudes and barriers, set priorities in life and understand where to move. As a result of this, you will become a successful and happy person.

What are the features of communication barriers?

A special mental state that prevents a person from performing a certain action is called a psychological barrier. When faced with a barrier situation, people experience sharply negative emotions. The barrier is experienced by a person as an insurmountable obstacle. As a result, he is unable to create and maintain communicative connections and experiences strong negative experiences during attempts. This leads to low self-esteem, lack of ambition, dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life, anxiety, feelings of guilt and the emergence of an inferiority complex.

Individual personality barriers appear in early childhood or as a result of living in a stressful situation. They affect the development of personality, manifesting themselves as shyness, self-doubt, doubts and tightness. A person can overcome a psychological barrier on his own, but this will require serious work on himself. Most people need the help of a psychotherapist and personal growth training.

The social psychological barrier does not depend on the internal state of a person or his psychological characteristics. The state of the barrier is caused by an external situation. It influences his emotional state, distracts attention and distorts his perception of reality. A person loses the ability to adequately evaluate the actions of other people. Often the result of a social barrier is the inability to reach mutual understanding and the impossibility of working together.

Communication barriers are psychological and semantic. Psychological occurs at the moment of communication, when a person experiences difficulty establishing a communication connection. It is difficult for him to make contact and maintain contact at the initiative of the interlocutor. Semantic arises in the process of communication. Since each person has an individual vision of a particular situation, his subjective opinion may not coincide with the opinions of other people. Differences in perception lead to the development of conflicts. In some cases, conflicts are useful: they stimulate the search for an optimal solution. But often the result of conflict is a breakdown in communication. It can occur in any social situation. Most often, this occurs during interactions between family members or colleagues.

How to overcome?

I described in detail the main ways in which it is possible to establish communication in an article on the development of communication skills. Here I will add a little directly about how to overcome the obstacles that have arisen.

1. Don't be afraid to be why. If something is not entirely clear or illogical to you, ask a question. Remember, everyone has different concepts of the simplest things? Also keep track of how easy you are to understand. If you formulate overly complex sentences, just think about why you need to be confusing and difficult for others to understand? What does this give you? Please clarify whether you are understood at the moment? When asking questions, add that you want to hear him correctly, so you ask again.
2. If semantics and slang are different, use the same words and expressions; this technique will help to establish contact and win you over.
3. If you notice obstacles on the part of your interlocutor, use the active listening technique, which I wrote about in this article.
4. Train your empathy and learn to accept otherness. For many, it is important to simply feel support and acceptance, and not advice or recommendations for action. The ability to empathize and put yourself in the place of another greatly simplifies the process of interaction. Respect the opinion of another person, it has the right to be, because in the same situation everyone has their own truth.
5. Don't expect much from your partners, and also allow yourself to be yourself. After all, the fear of not meeting expectations provokes anger and anxiety, which subsequently causes disappointment, and all these feelings do not at all contribute to lively and close relationships.
6. When receiving information, one should sometimes make distinctions, that is, separate emotions from facts, leaving emotions and evaluation aside, then it is possible to achieve objectivity and a correct interpretation of what was said.
7. Regarding modality, address your partner depending on his type, for example: “listen”, “look”, “do you feel?”. It’s not difficult to understand his affiliation, just listen carefully to what words he uses most often in his speech and what he pays more attention to.

Types of subjects of communication

Psychological barriers to interaction arise as a result of differences in people's temperaments. When two individuals meet with different types of nervous systems, reactions to the environment and manner of upbringing, an indescribable obstacle will certainly arise that will harm their communication. Psychologists recommend figuring out what type the person himself and his interlocutor belong to. This definition will help you correctly build further dialogue or make a decision to terminate communication.

Regular type

This personality type is slow and distrustful. He enters into a conversation only when he takes a closer look and evaluates his interlocutor. This type slowly and thoroughly formulates his thoughts and does not allow himself to be interrupted or inserted into comments. When communicating with him, it is recommended to avoid haste and inattention. For people with a more active temperament, this communication is difficult, therefore, in order to overcome the psychological barrier, it is necessary to first develop interaction tactics (if this interaction is important).

The language barrier

A language barrier arises not only between speakers of different languages, but also between people with different levels of competence in any field.

Problem

If the interlocutor uses unfamiliar words in his speech, you are unlikely to be able to understand him. Using jargon when talking to interns will not ensure understanding on their part and will instill in them uncertainty about their own suitability. If you explain the solution to a problem to a child the same way you would tell an adult, this will also lead to a sad result: the child will not be able to solve a similar problem again, his ability to think and get to the truth gradually will suffer.

Solution

Simplify your speech to the level of the interlocutor, without showing the condescension characteristic of people with high self-esteem.

Perceptual barrier

Perceptual barrier - barrier of perception. The mood in which we are spoken to directly affects the effectiveness of communication.

Problem

An indifferent tone and disinterest conveyed by body language make the interlocutor skeptical about the success of the conversation and discourage him from having a conversation with you. The same goes for people who explain their point of view without respect or with hard-to-conceal or not-at-all hostility.

Solution

Start the conversation on a positive note and try to maintain it throughout the conversation. Use appropriate gestures, smile, and remember to make eye contact with your interlocutor.

Behavioral barrier

The opinion of others about us directly affects the level of assimilation of our words and the likelihood of effective dialogue. Based on his attitude towards you, the interlocutor may abstract himself from the topic of the conversation or partially ignore the information.

Problem

A pompous tone is the cause of hostility on the part of the interlocutor. If all information is passed through the lens of condescension, it harms communication and spoils the impression of the speaker. Low self-esteem can also cause a barrier.

Solution

Treat your interlocutor as your equal. Be sure to praise the person for a job well done, even if you think you could have done it better yourself. Don't forget about eye contact and a smile.