- October 6, 2018
- Psychology of communication
- Anna Mallaalieva
What categories of people have communication problems? Unfortunately, it is impossible to single out just one group of people for whom it would be difficult to talk with others. This problem can occur for many reasons. The main ones are fears, misunderstandings, disgust and problems of interests.
Communication model
You won't be able to communicate with everyone the same way. Each person needs his own approach. Dialogue with subordinates should be conducted according to one algorithm, with a boss - in a different way, with a loved one - in a third way. If communication problems do not disappear in a person’s life, then after a while he begins to get confused about how and with whom to talk.
In this case, a person may demand too much from others and behave closer to those people with whom he needs to maintain formal relationships. In such situations, the behavior of a person with communication problems is very noticeable.
Techniques for self-regulation of behavior
Self-regulation is the control of one’s own psycho-emotional state using certain thinking, images, body and breathing control.
Natural techniques are the simplest group of techniques that do not require additional effort or concentration. This may include:
- humor, laughter,
- positive perception (reproduction of pleasant images, events, scenarios, etc. in the head),
- relaxing movements (stretching, current control of muscle tone, etc.),
- contemplation (observation of paintings, nature, interior elements, etc.),
- compliments to the interlocutor.
Self-regulation through breathing control is the use of special breathing techniques .
Nonverbal signs and hints
Problems in communicating with people may also lie in discussing a topic too enthusiastically. Everyone loves to discuss different issues, but some may seem too strange or disgusting to others. You need to be able to understand hints and non-verbal signs that make it clear that “it’s time to change the topic of conversation.” If a person does not recognize them once, twice, three times, then over time no one will want to talk to him.
Interpersonal relationships and communication
Communication is a multifaceted process of developing contacts between individuals, which are generated by the needs of joint activities. Let's consider communication in the system of interpersonal relationships, as well as the interactions of individuals. Let us determine the place of communication in the structure of interpersonal interaction, as well as the interaction of individuals.
In interpersonal interaction, three main tasks are considered: first, interpersonal perception; second, understanding a person; third, the formation of interpersonal relationships, as well as the provision of psychological influence. The concept of “man's perception by man” is insufficient for the final knowledge of people. Subsequently, the concept of “understanding a person” is added to it, which includes connecting to the process of human perception and other cognitive processes. The effectiveness of perception is directly related to a personality trait (socio-psychological observation), which will allow one to detect subtle, but very important for understanding, features in an individual’s behavior.
Features of interpersonal communication are noted in the perception of speech and depend on the state of health, age, gender, nationality, temperament, attitudes, communication experience, personal and professional characteristics. With age, a person’s emotional states differentiate; the individual begins to perceive the world around him through the prism of his personal national way of life.
Individuals with a high level of social intelligence are more effective and successful in determining various mental states, as well as interpersonal relationships, and the object of cognition is both the social and physical appearance of a person.
Initially, a person’s perception is fixed on his physical appearance, which includes functional, physiological, and paralinguistic characteristics. Physiological characteristics include sweating, breathing, and blood circulation. Functional features include posture, posture, gait, non-verbal communication features (facial expressions, body movements, gestures). Clearly, emotions are easy to differentiate, but unexpressed and mixed mental states are much more difficult to recognize. Social appearance includes the social design of appearance (a person’s clothing, shoes, accessories), paralinguistic, speech, proxemic and activity characteristics.
Proxemic features include the state between the communicaters, as well as their relative position. Extralinguistic features of speech include the originality of the voice, pitch, and timbre. When perceiving an individual, social characteristics in comparison with physical appearance are the most informative. The process of cognition of an individual consists of mechanisms that distort ideas about the perceived person. Mechanisms that distort the image of what is perceived limit the possibility of objective knowledge of people. Significant of them are the mechanisms of primacy or novelty, which boil down to the fact that the first impression of what is perceived influences the subsequent formation of the image of the cognizable object.
When perceiving an individual, as well as his understanding, the subject unconsciously selects various mechanisms of interpersonal cognition. The main mechanism is the correlation (interpretation) of personal experience of knowing people with the perception of a given individual.
Identification in interpersonal cognition appears as identification with another individual. The subject also uses the mechanism of causal attribution, when certain reasons and motives are attributed to the perceived object that explain its characteristics and actions. The mechanism of reflection of another individual in interpersonal cognition is marked by the subject’s awareness of how he is perceived by the object.
Interpersonal understanding and perception of an object is carried out under a fairly strict order of functioning of the mechanisms of interpersonal cognition, namely from simple to complex. In the process of interpersonal cognition, the subject takes into account all the information received by him, which indicates a change in the state of the partner during communication. The conditions of an individual’s perception include time, situations, and place of communication. Reducing the time at the moment of perception of an object reduces the ability of the perceiver to obtain sufficient information about it. With close and prolonged contact, evaluators show favoritism and condescension.
Interpersonal relationships are an integral part of interaction and are also considered in its context.
The psychology of interpersonal relationships is the relationships between individuals experienced and perceived to varying degrees. They are based on the various emotional states of interacting individuals, as well as their psychological characteristics. Sometimes interpersonal connections are called emotional, expressive. The development of interpersonal relationships is determined by age, gender, nationality and other factors. Women have a much smaller social circle than men. They need interpersonal communication for self-disclosure, to convey personal information about themselves to others. Women also complain more often of loneliness. For them, the most significant features are those noted in interpersonal relationships, and for men, business qualities are important.
Interpersonal relationships dynamically develop according to the following pattern: they are born, consolidated, and also reach a certain maturity, then they can gradually weaken. The dynamics of the development of interpersonal relationships consists of the following stages: acquaintance, companionship, friendly and friendly relations. The mechanism of development in interpersonal relationships is empathy, which is the response of one person to the experiences of another. Compared to rural areas, in urban conditions, interpersonal contacts are most numerous, quickly established and quickly interrupted.
Emotions
Misunderstanding of emotions is a serious problem. The same topic can cause a positive reaction in some and a negative reaction in others. A person must be able to recognize emotions, otherwise the interlocutor may completely break off contact.
Such problems in communicating with people are common. You can often notice how someone in a company is very fond of dark jokes. If the interlocutor experienced similar feelings, then his emotions and facial expression will change. Many do not notice this, continuing to tell a “funny” incident. This causes further problematic relationships between people.
Informal associations
Such groups help teenagers fully express their inner world. The availability of information in our time greatly facilitates the self-identification of young people. Belonging to any informal association helps to establish understanding between its participants.
It becomes much easier to express your inner world, moods and feelings. Each informal organization has its own ideals and values. For example, for emo, these are emotions and feelings put on display. Goths cultivate a depressive view of the world, romanticize death, and dress gloomily. Young people choose exactly what is closest to them at the moment. Interpersonal communication and interaction is built on the principle of expressing one’s individuality and accepting the opponent’s point of view.
The language of communication
The most common problems in communicating with people arise when people speak different languages. However, due to the existence of a large number of dialects, representatives of the same nation cannot always talk to each other. Therefore, many prefer to start a dialogue with the person whom they understand 100%.
In addition, it is difficult to communicate with those who are far from certain terminology. You should monitor your speech, making it as clear as possible to your interlocutor.
Causes of communication problems
Psychologists divide the causes of communication barriers into two groups. The first cluster is based on incorrect perception of information. It appears in the background:
- discrepancies in the views of the interlocutors;
- conflict of interest;
- inconsistencies in life experiences;
- different emotional mood;
- personal hostility.
The other group is associated with inability to hear and poor feedback. Both of these factors cause a misunderstanding of what the other side wants to convey. Difficulties arise when interlocutors:
- misinterpret information;
- do not know the language of the interlocutor, do not know special terminology;
- misinterpret non-verbal information (facial expressions, gestures, postures).
Finding himself in situations where communication is impossible or is too difficult, a person begins to view himself as inept, unable to communicate. This further perpetuates self-doubt and contributes to the formation of psychological defense. For example, some try to avoid situations where intensive personal communication is required, replacing it with online correspondence and chats. Others try to overcome their fear of socializing through alcohol in an attempt to relax.
Values
Problems in communicating with people can arise due to different life values and experiences. Before sharing some entertaining story (in your opinion), you need to find out the person’s attitude to the topic of conversation. Only then can you decide whether to talk about it.
For some, one topic will seem fun, for others it may be taboo. If you do not pay attention to the value system of your interlocutor, he may consider that he is being spoken to by a boring, rude, cynical person.
Persistent shade aversion
Youth is characterized by extreme maximalism. It is worth paying attention to how passionately teenagers discuss topics that worry them. How furiously the eyes of the interlocutors burn at this. Guys and girls are ready to take any statement at face value. The main condition for this is that it correlates with their inner world and receives a certain energetic resonance in the process of comprehension. Sometimes you can notice how much teenagers do not accept the average point of view. For them, everything exists in black and white: one is good and the other is bad. It is for this reason that it can be difficult for them to understand adults who are ready to seek compromises. The psychology of interpersonal communication in youth involves immersion in one’s own emotions and an unconscious search for a reflection of one’s own feelings in the opponent.
Presentation
Some people are afraid to express their emotions, feelings, thoughts. As a rule, fear of presentation arises when it is not clear how the interlocutor will react. This factor affects social contacts much more seriously than the misunderstanding described above. Often people with such fears cannot start a dialogue at all. Why is this happening? On the one hand, a person wants to avoid misunderstanding and express his emotions, but on the other hand, he is afraid to do this. Due to the fact that he cannot gain experience, it is difficult to start communication.
What to do in such cases? It is obvious that misunderstanding is a much smaller problem than fear. The only way to get rid of it is to try. Only in this case there is a chance to gain a positive experience. Generally speaking, when trying to establish a dialogue, a person receives certain information that will help him deal with the problem.
How to overcome communication problems
You can get rid of problems, learn to communicate easily, and get pleasure from it. To do this, you should listen to the advice of a psychologist.
- Always talk about yourself, not the other person. “It hurts me” instead of “you’re evil”, “I don’t like it” instead of “what kind of nonsense are you offering me.” When talking about yourself, you keep an open position, inviting your interlocutor to dialogue. When you focus on someone else, you try to attack or blame. And an attack always provokes a desire to respond with a blow.
- Examine your weak points. For example, sensitivity to criticism. If you want to hide in a corner and become invisible when you hear criticism directed at you, you perceive it as rejection. In response, there is a desire to stop contact and run away. In fact, the interlocutor did not necessarily want to offend. But this is often how criticism is perceived by the psyche. To understand what is behind criticism, it is important to understand (it is best to ask directly) why a person criticizes, what he wants to convey with his message. Think about whether there is a rational grain in his words or whether it is missing. Then innocent statements will not cause the destruction of contacts, and you will be able to immediately recognize and block insults expressed under the guise of criticism, attempts to blame or instill a feeling of guilt.
- Be clear about why you are saying something. Everything that is voiced is said for a specific purpose. Even the chatter of two girlfriends about dresses, children or new recipes is intended to obtain advice or emotional support. When expressing an grievance or a claim, you need to understand what you want to achieve from your interlocutor. The communication option, when information is poured out on another simply because it hurts, you want to drain the accumulated negativity, is not environmentally friendly. It is a manifestation of emotional promiscuity and leads to the destruction of trust.
- Make your messages as clear as possible. You shouldn’t tell your friend: “Is it okay that you haven’t called me for two weeks?” This is a variant of manipulation; it provokes tension and ambiguity. Much more effective, and most importantly safe for friendship, is a statement structured differently: “We haven’t talked on the phone for two weeks. I miss you. Can meet?" Such a message conveys respect and trust. There is no need to speak clearly.
- Remember - no one can read minds. Therefore, you should not hope that your partner will guess your wishes and understand the reason for the offense. The “you have to figure it out yourself” option is the most ineffective.
- Listen to your feelings. It is important not to ignore what is happening at a particular moment. Anger is a signal of a violation of your boundaries, values, or safety. Anger gives you the energy to act actively. Envy is a sign that you have an unmet need. Don't be afraid to look at your feelings honestly and acknowledge them, no matter how ugly they may seem. Relying on feelings makes it possible to create relationships filled with satisfaction and joy.
- Ask. If you think you can guess what the other person is thinking, ask. Don't speculate. Most likely, they are completely wrong.
- Don't be afraid to conflict. It is to conflict, not to quarrel. In deep relationships, controversial situations always arise that require clarification of the opinions and positions of both parties. This is normal and necessary to move to the next level. Quality conflict is expressing and listening to opinions without insults or raising your voice. It leads to compromise and builds trust.
Do not despair if you cannot immediately change your behavior style and completely get rid of communication problems. Remember that change takes skill training and time.
Irina Sherbul
Rejection
Like any other fear, this one appears in the absence of positive experience. For example, a person wanted to chat, but was rejected. In this case, there is no need to isolate yourself. We need to find a society where, even if a person does not show his best side, they will listen to him and support dialogue. If finding such a team is problematic, you can contact a psychologist.
Youth slang
The use of slang in communication between teenagers is considered the norm today. The one who uses more harsh words tends to be very popular in the group. Youth slang has a strong expressive-negative connotation. People resort to using slang in order to quickly join a new team, gain the trust of classmates, and show their best side.
Also, the use of jargon in speech helps teenagers significantly save time in conversation and at the same time remain confident that all their surrounding peers will understand them correctly. Modern youth language is replete with critical words. As a rule, the use of slang among young men allows them to feel relaxed in a new company.
