6 tips on how to develop your self-sufficiency and become independent

Any addiction has a detrimental effect on a person’s life and personality. And the most dangerous thing is often not tobacco, alcohol or food (we won’t touch on drugs, because this topic is very specific), but dependence on other people. It generates not only a constant need for society, but also a fear of loneliness, the inability to independently solve problems and cope with problems, self-doubt, uncertainty, inability to make decisions, etc.

But it is possible to overcome these and many other problems by developing a special quality in yourself. It's called self-sufficiency, and we want to tell you about how to become a self-sufficient person.

What is self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency can be called a person’s ability to live and manage everything absolutely independently, without fear of being left alone, without turning to the support of other people. Today, the development of self-sufficiency is very important; a huge number of trainings, seminars, articles and books are devoted to this topic (you can read books such as “Solo Life” by Eric Kleinenberg and “The Culture of Sublimation” by Ananda Atma). You have probably also come across quotes and aphorisms on this topic, among the authors of which there are truly outstanding people, for example, Bruce Lee, Coco Chanel, Osho, Vadim Zeland, Fazil Iskander and others. All of them experienced the benefits of this personality trait from their own experience.

But to make it clearer what this means and what the benefits of self-sufficiency are, we need to consider this phenomenon from different angles. There are three of them in total, which is why there are three types of personal self-sufficiency:

Social self-sufficiency . It is expressed in the fact that a person easily adapts to the rules of life, has hobbies and hobbies, strives in every possible way to develop his talents and abilities, and does what he loves. Such a person is able to provide for his life exactly as he sees fit.
Economic self-sufficiency . It is inherent in most adults and independent people. It is expressed in the fact that a person has the skills of cooking, arranging and cleaning housing, and housekeeping. Such a person is able to organize his life at the everyday level without any problems.
Psychological self-sufficiency . This is what is most often meant when talking about self-sufficiency. It is expressed in the fact that a person can make his own decisions, does not depend on public opinion, knows what to do alone with himself, and does not get bored when there is no one around. But the main thing is that such a person can develop and grow personally thanks to the characteristics of his inner world.

To some extent we will touch on all types, but we will still talk mainly about psychological self-sufficiency. Also, do not confuse self-sufficiency with withdrawing into oneself, hermitism or asceticism, when a person abstracts himself from the outside world for some reason or for the sake of some goal.

A self-sufficient person is not just one who knows how and can survive, but one who makes decisions himself, makes life choices, regardless of the opinions of others; who is independent from people either on a chemical or emotional level.

A self-sufficient person gets along normally without outside help and support and can even maintain himself in a state of psychological comfort. He may be interested in being alone with himself, no less than with others. He is not afraid of loneliness, and he uses it to his maximum benefit - reads books, learns something new, develops, and masters interesting skills. But with all this, he does not lose the ability to communicate and enjoy this communication.

To a certain extent, self-sufficiency resembles responsibility - a person’s responsibility for himself, because he never gives up, takes care of himself, can dress, put on shoes and feed himself; he takes care of his health, seeks the meaning of his life and achieves his goals, and all he needs for this is only himself.

A self-sufficient person never shifts responsibility for his failures and failures onto others, because he himself makes decisions and chooses courses of action, realizing that in any case only he will be held accountable for everything. In addition, such people can do what is important to them, wear what they like, get carried away by what interests them - without any regard for social assessments, the approval of loved ones and acquaintances, etc. In our world, not everyone can afford such luxury.

But we repeat again: a person who is self-sufficient does not ignore others, does not hide from them and does not shy away from anyone. He respects himself and those around him, does not impose his opinion on anyone, does not take offense at people, does not give in to manipulation, and is not subject to provocations.

No less interesting is the fact that such a position and even the courage to live without wearing masks and without needing anyone, like a magnet, attracts others and delights them. And if someone is indignant, afraid or labels such a person as “not like everyone else,” he has nothing to do with this, because his authority is within him - it is himself.

To confirm some of our words, we suggest watching this short video.

Qualities of a self-sufficient person

The development of self-sufficiency is available to each of us, but first you need to find out what qualities any self-sufficient person has, and which you need to develop in yourself. These include:

Self-confidence, allowing you to achieve goals and develop without outside help;
The determination necessary to achieve goals and development;
Inner strength that helps you take full responsibility for your decisions and actions;
Distance, without which it is impossible to keep some distance from people and prevent them from crossing their own boundaries;
Tolerance of loneliness, expressed in the absence of fear of being alone.

For an independent person, it is important to develop such qualities, but it is equally important to strive for material independence from people, because otherwise it will simply not be possible to not depend on anyone. This, of course, is not the main condition, but it needs to be kept in mind.

To become a self-sufficient person, you need to learn to treat your freedom and independence with special reverence, value them and cultivate them in every possible way, stop looking back at authorities, worry about other people’s opinions, seek help, grieve about the past and condemn yourself.

American life management consultant Stephen Covey said this very well. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he says that individual independence is expressed by the self-paradigm, which means:

I can do it
I'm responsible
I rely on myself
I can choose

If a person is independent in social terms, he can do everything himself; if in an intellectual sense, he is free to think independently; if in an emotional sense, all his actions and words come from his internal state. An independent person controls his own actions, and his self-esteem is not affected by how other people treat him.

True independence is expressed in self-motivation to act, but is opposed to being under the influence of someone from the outside. And only thanks to it can you free yourself from the power of circumstances and those around you. Again, this does not in any way contradict such concepts as mutually beneficial cooperation, joint achievement of goals or collective intellectual work, mutual assistance and support.

The desire for complete independence should be the first goal, and this itself can serve as the basis of self-sufficiency on which all its other components will be built. But, of course, this is not the only way to develop this quality.

Relationships with people

Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be used. Everything you do from now on must be necessary for you first of all. Do you think this is selfishness? Not at all, who said that a person should live in order to satisfy other people's interests and thirsts? Everyone lives for themselves. In addition, you must learn to be independent both emotionally and financially. In addition, if you do not have time to work (small children), there are many options for income at home, if you wish. Forget about pride, and start, it eats you from the inside, not allowing you to build harmonious relationships with others. Always be prepared to compromise in disputes.

Learn to make decisions that are responsible for you with a cool head, from time to time haste and feelings are your worst enemy, remember this. You have the opportunity to listen to the advice of your family and friends, but you make the choice in solving this or that problem yourself. Under no circumstances should you blame anyone for your failures.

How to become a self-sufficient person?

You can start developing self-sufficiency with the recommendations of psychologists:

Learn to treat any situation as simply as possible - both when you are praised and admired, and when you are reprimanded for something, reproached for something, or expressed dissatisfaction.
When you have to be alone, accept this state by cultivating the perception of personal space and time free from everything and everyone as a serious value.
Train yourself: spend your days alone with yourself, knocking out all your gadgets, not turning on the TV, not going online, not communicating with relatives, friends and acquaintances.
Project in your mind situations where you are left without the support of people dear to you in order to gain the experience of loneliness and independence and develop in yourself the strong-willed qualities inherent in self-sufficient people.
Mentally recreate pleasant memories and emotions in your memory, think about whether there is some way to get the same sensations without the participation of other people - being just alone.
Analyze your life and the people from your social circle, and approach it critically: what and who do you really need, is there a spiritual connection with someone, and what and who is just taking up time?
Practice independent decision-making as often as possible, turn to other people for advice and tips less often - this will form a new habit and develop the skill of taking responsibility for everything that happens.
Analyze yourself and make a list of all the qualities and skills that may be useful to you in a completely independent life; think about what goals will lead you to complete independence.
Read books, quotes and aphorisms of famous people and outstanding personalities on the topic of self-sufficiency, self-confidence, independence and other qualities necessary for an independent person.
Stop demanding and expecting anything from other people, hoping for someone’s help, looking for support and sympathy from others - start thinking, behaving and living like an adult.
Get used to serving yourself and your needs yourself. This applies to everything: from getting up in the morning, cooking, washing clothes and cleaning the house to earning money, choosing a place to work, setting goals and objectives.
Take care of yourself and your body, eat right, exercise, start leading a healthy lifestyle - all this will allow you to stay young and healthy, and enjoy every day you live.
Set goals. They must cover different time periods, i.e. you need to set goals for the day, week, month, year and even more, but the most important thing is to do at least something on your own every day to achieve them.

Along with these recommendations, take note of the rules of self-sufficient people. In general, there are not many of them, but they are of particular value.

I don't reveal all my secrets and problems.

The ability to keep something silent also increases interest and desire to get to know you more deeply. When a woman shares too openly the details of her life - her pains and problems, the flair of mystery and romanticism is lost. At such moments, a man begins to feel like a pathologist, in front of whom all his insides are being turned out. It is not surprising that after this not only sexual attraction disappears, but also simply the desire to communicate. The feeling that there is a stranger next to you, even if you have been living with him for twenty years, does not allow you to let go. And the very thought that you have little secrets excites and excites.

Self-sufficiency rules

These rules will help you better understand what motivates self-sufficient people, what values occupy the most important place in their minds, and how to interact correctly with the world around them.

These are the rules (you can use this list as a summary):

No blind trust in authorities, check everything from personal experience.
The absence of idols and idols and the constant desire to reach heights ourselves.
Understanding the difference between self-confidence and overconfidence.
Leaving all negative events in the past.
Replacing negative emotions with positive ones.
Refusal of self-pity and the position of a victim of circumstances.
Full acceptance of responsibility for every action taken.
Honesty and frankness with yourself.
Constant self-development and self-improvement.
Development of self-discipline, willpower and character.

As you can see, by and large there is nothing complicated here. However, developing self-sufficiency can sometimes seem difficult and even somewhat painful, but there is no need to be fanatical about it.

Remember that you do not become a hermit, and no one is forcing you to go to a cave for many years. If you feel tired, tense and need communication, no one is stopping you from satisfying it, having fun, having fun in the company of friends.

Any serious skill and quality requires training for its development, and therefore achieve results step by step and measuredly, gradually raising the bar, expanding your comfort zone and mastering new skills. This way you can become the person you want to be without compromising yourself.

In fact, this could be the end of the article, but there is one more issue that we would like to cover. In thematic literature it is often presented separately and concerns the fair half of humanity - lovely ladies.

I don't throw tantrums for any reason.

Wise and self-sufficient women are characterized by composure and the ability to control their emotions. This does not mean that she is always smooth and calm. She can throw a tantrum when she is absolutely calm inside and remain outwardly calm when a storm of emotions is raging inside. It is this contrast that gives it piquancy, and the relationship - sharpness. But her performances are precisely controlled and thoughtful, and this is what gives them such power and makes them memorable. When a woman is hysterical too often, this only speaks of her lack of self-confidence and inner promiscuity.

Self-sufficiency of a woman

In the lives of, albeit not every, but many women, sooner or later there comes a time when the need for self-sufficiency appears. This includes self-confidence, independence, the ability to provide for oneself independently, the ability to win people over, complete self-acceptance, and generally a prosperous life in harmony with the world and oneself.

Some may say that a woman needs to be self-sufficient only in order to effectively achieve her goals, but this is a primitive view. In fact, this quality helps to overcome any dependence, in particular on men, to manage one’s internal reserves, to transform disadvantages into advantages, and to be independent in solving any problems and issues.

Of particular importance is the issue of emotional dependence as the desire to live at the expense of other people’s resources, and not only material ones, because every woman needs support, care, and love. And the best way to get rid of this addiction is to arrange your own life and make yourself better.

Here are some useful tips that every woman can use along with what has already been discussed. These tips are aimed at both overcoming emotional dependence and developing self-sufficiency:

When receiving support from your environment, concentrate on your sensations in your body - in the future you can remember these sensations, feeling the same emotions, but without an external stimulus.
Realize and accept the fact that people cannot be with you always and everywhere, and the way you want, because everyone has their own desires and needs, affairs and responsibilities, rhythms of intimacy and alienation.
People leaving the area of close contacts does not mean that they have become bad or have begun to love you less, it’s just life, and everyone has the right to this very self-sufficiency.
Never stop loving yourself and taking care of yourself, your health and beauty, and remember that a self-sufficient woman is always happy with her appearance, hairstyle, makeup, manicure, outfit.
You should not envy someone and underestimate yourself and your abilities - at a given moment in time, each person goes through his own stage of development, and if something doesn’t work out for you today, it’s not a fact that it won’t work out tomorrow.
At the same time, you should not turn up your nose, treat others with disrespect, be overly proud of your successes and achievements, or think that others are worse than you - a self-sufficient woman respects both herself and others, and she has no rivals.
Leave behind all past grievances, tears, sorrows and partings, unjustified expectations and regrets - they consume a lot of energy, and it would be better spent on developing self-sufficiency and creating a wonderful future.
Develop your intuition and listen to your inner voice more often, because it is not without reason that they say that a woman’s instinct is much better developed than a man’s, and this instinct will help you avoid troubles and achieve what you want.
Make your life easier: give up people who don’t need you and who are unpleasant to you, change your boring job to something that will bring joy and satisfaction, don’t pay attention to minor troubles and trifles.

A self-sufficient woman is a happy woman, because for her to be happy, the company of the only most charming, attractive and beloved person is enough for her - herself. We think that about this

I have my own interests, hobbies, things that I am not ready to give up for a man.

There is such a beautiful metaphor: when two drops merge into one, they dissolve into each other and lose themselves, and when two lit candles begin to burn together, the flame becomes larger, but each of them can carry its own light. Our passion for our favorite hobbies, sports, and personal development allows us to maintain individuality and uniqueness without becoming a shadow of a man, but on the contrary, opening up new facets of life for him. It is important to find a balance: not to give up everything for a man and not to give up a man for everything. The famous psychologist, coach and writer Marilyn Atkinson says that a couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to something else. And then your life will be full and rich, and not boring and monotonous.