A self-sufficient woman does not run to her friends or her mother for advice. She does not expect a man to provide for her or allow her to do anything. She does not worry about the lack of a relationship and does not cling to the first person she meets. She is able to provide for herself and clearly knows where she is going, what she is doing and why. A woman’s self-sufficiency is the ability to satisfy all her needs independently, independence in material, psychological and physical terms. How to become self-sufficient?
What is a woman's self-sufficiency
What is a woman's self-sufficiency? Self-sufficiency is a personality trait consisting of autonomy and independence. This manifests itself not in one particular area, but in all areas of life and activities. A self-sufficient person does not depend on the opinions of society, including relatives and friends. He does not need public approval or advice. He has enough inner confidence and determination. He knows that he can cope with any circumstances.
In psychology, it is customary to distinguish social, psychological and everyday self-sufficiency. In the first case, we are talking about education, employment and social activity. In the second case, it’s about the ability to be in solitude, spend time usefully and communicate for the sake of quality, and not for the sake of quantity. Household self-sufficiency means the ability to take care of oneself: taking care of one’s health, body and psyche, the ability to buy groceries and prepare food, create comfort at home, and provide for oneself.
Content:
A self-sufficient woman is financially and psychologically independent
Its independence can be either complete or partial. But if you try really hard, every representative of the fair sex, if she wants, can earn money for blouses and cookies. So as not to ask a man for an extra 18 kopecks and not feel obligated. It is the latter that forces you to agree with his point of view when you don’t want to. Live by his rules when they disgust you. Save relationships if they have outlived their usefulness.
Yes, most of us understand a woman’s self-sufficiency, including in a relationship with a man, as the ability to earn her own living and to be able to proudly proclaim in the words of the heroine of one bad song: “Get out, I’ll decide everything myself.” However, take a look at your surroundings. Surely, among close friends and distant acquaintances there will be those who are cowardly after a man, having sufficient funds. Because habit, status, some kind of relationship. And what is self-sufficiency here?
At the same time, in the crowd of these same women there is one who, having no idea what this very money looks like, does not give in in the face of financial difficulties. And he does not agree to a relationship with the first one at the end of the list, because the choice of applicants is limited. So which one is more self-sufficient?
A woman's self-sufficiency implies the absence of fear of being alone
Overcoming it completely is difficult, if not impossible. But it is quite possible to reduce the manifestations of this destructive feeling.
You shouldn’t completely lose yourself in a man’s interests, limit your social circle and convince yourself that “he’s bad, but mine.” Retain the right to meet friends, go out together, work and creative self-realization. It is the presence of communication, even of narrow interests in a knitting circle, that will help reduce the number of bad thoughts.
A woman’s self-sufficiency lies in the ability to occupy herself
And feel comfortable being alone. So subtly we approached the topic of how important it is to develop and improve your skills and abilities in different areas of life. Read books, watch good films, follow changes in the world and news in order to be an interlocutor whom you want to hear and listen to.
You cannot be interesting to others until you are interesting to yourself and do not know what to do alone with yourself. This is an axiom.
A woman’s self-sufficiency is hidden in the ability to manage self-pity
Most of us believe we deserve more and spend a huge amount of time bemoaning missed opportunities. Is it worth saying once again how destructive and useless it is to regret what happened and passed or did not happen, but also passed? Is it much more constructive to spend your free time acquiring new knowledge that will lead to new acquaintances?
A confident woman has already learned to make decisions and not blame herself for the consequences, because they can be different. She is able to control emotions, analyze the situation, remain true to her principles, not lie to herself and not entertain vain hopes. She is a realist who understands that, in principle, everything is possible, but you need to try very hard.
Such a woman does not envy her more successful friends, hiding behind the excuse: “But I’m smarter and more beautiful, and this one is just lucky.” She realizes that envy is normal, accepts it, and begins to work even harder.
Self-sufficient woman works on her appearance
Unfortunately, in our society, which has partially grown out of Soviet pants, there is an erroneous opinion that a well-groomed and well-dressed representative of the fair sex takes care of herself and dresses well solely to attract the attention of men. That’s why we still see chicken legs in nylon on the streets at minus 40, war paint at 8 am and homeless style after marriage. Well, when everything is already done and photos from the wedding are on the nightstand, then you can wear leggings.
In fact, our appearance is a reflection of our inner state. A woman must take care of herself, play sports and choose beautiful clothes in order to like herself. When you like yourself, you will like others. At the same time, you don’t need 12-centimeter killer shoes to feel comfortable and confident. A wide, calm smile on a relaxed face is enough.
A self-sufficient woman will not create idols for herself
She doesn’t try to be like Dita von Teese or Vera Brezhneva. Dress like Jacqueline Kennedy. Live by Coco Chanel's rules. She has her own rules. She does not depend on the opinions of her environment, and by the time she forms herself as an individual, she understands that each person has his own path. And that there will always be stronger and luckier ones nearby. This is the healthy competition of the world, which can be endured by those who treat it with dignity and philosophical patience.
And finally, a self-sufficient woman is a woman who understands what she wants from life
If you build a career, then build a career. She calmly reacts to the cries of peroxided buns: “What about the family, when will the children be?”
If she is fixated on the family and is not going to waste herself sitting in the office , she stops reflecting on the topic of self-realization. She simply gives all of herself to her husband and children without a trace or remorse about missed opportunities.
If her plans include both points, she looks for a middle ground. She learns to combine everything again without constant whining. This path is optimal because it allows you to change areas of activity and not get stuck in your emotions.
The relationship market today diligently imposes on us the image of a young lady holding her fate in her fist. She is successful at work, looks great, has an apartment and a car, extraordinary mental abilities, a cat, a wine cabinet and a weekend man. But is she happy? Is such self-sufficiency a prerequisite for internal comfort? Is it possible (and is it necessary) to be completely independent? You decide.
The only thing that matters is how you feel. And if you are satisfied with your life, this is your female self-sufficiency.
Sources used:
- https://vplate.ru/samoocenka/samodostatochnaya-zhenshchina/
- https://pate.in.ua/samodostatochnost-zhenshchiny/
How does it express itself?
How is a woman’s self-sufficiency expressed? First of all, the strength of man is noticeable. It manifests itself in the ability to admit one’s mistakes and learn from them, to listen and accept constructive criticism and not to pay attention to unfair remarks and insults.
A woman’s independence is noticeable in her behavior, words, thoughts, and actions. She knows and accepts herself, knows how to work on her shortcomings, clearly understands her desires, emotions, needs and always follows them. A self-sufficient woman has her own path, a goal in life and a plan to achieve it; nothing and no one can interfere with the path to personal happiness.
What does the phrase “self-sufficient woman” mean? This means strong and independent, and this can be expressed in different ways.
Signs of a self-sufficient woman:
- total self-acceptance, self-love, awareness of the strengths and weaknesses of one’s personality;
- developed self-regulation skills;
- low level of anxiety and high level of stress resistance;
- harmony with oneself and the outside world, focus on maintaining such relationships;
- developed skills of organization and planning both throughout life and individual areas and tasks;
- the ability to earn money and manage finances wisely;
- accepting responsibility for your life, an adequate attitude towards your own mistakes;
- realistic view of the world;
- independence from other people's opinions;
- clearly defined personal boundaries and the ability to maintain and protect them, respect for other people’s boundaries;
- the ability to defend one’s point of view combined with psychological flexibility;
- focus on continuous development and learning, including self-development and self-training;
- lack of self-pity.
A self-sufficient woman does not chase fashion or someone’s approval or communication. She is comfortable both alone with herself and in company with someone. And when choosing clothes, leisure time, and other things, she relies on personal preferences, convenience, and the characteristics of her character and body. In everything and always, she chooses what suits her mood, temperament, and desires. She always knows what is best for her.
Self-sufficiency - what does it mean for a woman in a relationship? Such girls enter into relationships with special caution. They are not exchanged for short novels or destructive relationships. They provide freedom to their chosen one, trust him and respect him. They demand the same attitude towards themselves. Self-sufficient women have a developed and adequate sense of self-esteem and self-worth. They do not allow others to profit or rise at their expense, and they do not do so themselves.
Do you know what kind of man can be next to you? It's time to create a complete portrait and learn to choose, and not wait until they choose you.
Important! A self-sufficient woman does not gossip and does not have her head in the clouds, does not discuss the lives of neighbors or stars. She is concerned about her life. And only sometimes she looks at those from whom, in her opinion, she can learn something useful.
How do you become “strong and independent”?
Fee for feminism
The problems of women's loneliness go back centuries. Women fought for their rights to wear pants, pay for themselves in restaurants, and hold leadership positions. And in Europe, equality has long been the norm. Moreover, if a man asks a lady to pay for her, she will be mortally offended. You communicate with such “Amazons”, adopt their lifestyle - and you also become strong, enter the “I Myself” program.
Now think: what does a man see when he gets to know you better? That you will perfectly carry heavy bags, earn money for your cravings, and make repairs. And then the question arises: “Why does she need me? After all, she does a great job herself!” And the most offensive thing: with your behavior you make him feel that his place is on the sidelines. The man does not want to put up with this and leaves.
Parental Settings
You automatically adopt the strong woman program from your mother if she raised you alone or was the head of the family against the backdrop of a weak man. Due to circumstances, she had to work three jobs, carrying children and a weak-willed husband. And, watching her, you realized: you can’t rely on men, it’s better to do everything yourself. Because “that’s life” and “if you want to do it well, do it yourself.”
Meeting a man on her way, such a woman already transmits to him the following message: “I know that all men are assholes. But try, convince me!” Why should a man try to convince and prove something? After all, he came to love and be loved, and not to fight your fears and complexes.
He doesn’t even know that you have them, you don’t show it, you try to seem unsinkable. A man feels that something is wrong in the relationship, that he is missing something, and leaves. And you stay and become even more convinced that mom was right.
Traumatic relationships
What are they, traumatic relationships? Not necessarily those in which a man beats or physically offends, no. This is a relationship in which a partner has betrayed, offended or hurt. What happens to a woman who has been traumatized? She closes herself off from the whole world. Because it was then, in that painful situation, that basic trust in others suffered.
Self-sufficiency in this case is only a tool for protecting one’s borders. The woman who was wounded decides to be independent rather than go through this state of crushing again. She is afraid to let someone into her life again and get another stab in the back.
And you know, subconsciously men feel this mistrust, which is why relationships do not last long. You literally “reek” with this mistrust, but he cannot understand why he feels cold next to you? After all, in fact, he didn’t do anything bad to you, didn’t offend you in any way, and hasn’t really had time to mess up yet, and you’re already looking at him with prejudice.
Why self-sufficiency is so important for a woman
Independence is important for any person, not just women. This is a trait of a mature personality. Why is self-sufficiency important? Because it allows you to build healthy relationships, find a decent job that matches a person’s interests and abilities, become happy and maximize your personal potential. After all, self-sufficient women are better able to cope with stress and difficult times in life. If something happens, they can take care not only of themselves, but also of their children and parents. However, they will not help lazy people and those who are stuck in the role of a victim.
Important! Self-sufficient people differ from others in that they are not afraid to be themselves. A self-sufficient woman does not lose her uniqueness and individuality, and does not dissolve into thousands of copies. This is how she attracts the attention of men and causes the envy of women.
Signs and qualities of a self-sufficient person
A self-sufficient person can be recognized by the signs that she demonstrates to others. We say first of all:
- about adequate self-esteem, confidence in one’s strengths and abilities;
- about developed pride and self-respect;
- about emotional stability (the person is in a neutral, calm mood);
- about the ability to use temporary loneliness;
- about reluctance to impose your society on others;
- about the ability to respect one’s own and others’ boundaries;
- about a low threshold of anxiety;
- about the ability to adapt to new social conditions;
- about the desire to make independent decisions and look for a way out of any difficult situation;
- about a responsible attitude towards your words and deeds;
- about the love of freedom and the desire for independence;
- about accepting people as they are;
- about the ability to analyze past experience and learn from the mistakes of others and one’s own;
- about refusing to listen to moralizing and unsolicited advice.
Self-sufficiency presupposes that a person has:
- stress resistance;
- generosity;
- psychological maturity;
- ability to think rationally;
- courage and straightforwardness;
- determination;
- independence.
How to become a self-sufficient woman
What does self-sufficiency mean for a woman? Awareness and responsibility are the basis of the life of a self-sufficient person. It is impossible to become independent if you do not know or accept yourself, are fixated on the past, are constantly tormented by doubts, do not understand your needs and feelings, do not know what you want and what you are capable of.
How to become a self-sufficient woman:
- Take care of your body, health and psyche.
- Set personal boundaries and learn to say “No.”
- Find an interesting job.
- Get your own housing (this means renting an apartment and moving out from your parents or getting out of a destructive relationship and buying an apartment in the future).
- Start helping people or animals in need and learn to ask for help yourself.
A strong and self-sufficient woman should not be confused with a “man in a skirt.” On the contrary, such girls look feminine, they know how to be affectionate and flexible, they will gladly accept the help and support of a man, but they need support, a partner. The main thing is not to arrange “sparring” at home, because a man wants to come home and relax.
A self-sufficient woman constantly develops her femininity and knows how to competently combine this with masculine character traits. This is what a self-sufficient woman looks like through the eyes of men.
How not to be helpless
There is a concept called “learned helplessness.” It appeared as a result of experiments with dogs. The test subjects were divided into three groups and placed in boxes with a partition that opened under certain conditions:
- in the first group, during electric shock;
- in the second, when the partition of the first is opened in the first group;
- the third had a free exit.
All individuals equally tried to find a way out, but then realized the rules of the game. When they were moved to a common box with a low partition, the first and third group jumped over it. The second one continued to wait. They were accustomed to helplessness and did not try.
Unfortunately, the phenomenon is also observed in humans. If in the past an individual tried to do something several times, but did not get the expected result, then in the future he will refuse to complete the task. He does not try to change the situation for the better, although there is such an opportunity.
We need to fight this. Remember if you ever refused to do anything because you were sure that nothing would work out?
There is a whole system for getting out of this state and changing your way of thinking. It helps you become more self-confident and self-sufficient.
- Stage 1 - leaving the toxic environment. Poor ecology negatively affects our well-being. There are also people who “poison” the lives of others with their actions. Scientists have proven that 50–60% of any personal success depends on the environment. “Toxic” people constantly complain, are always dissatisfied, and do not believe in themselves. Is it contagious. After communicating with them, your mood worsens, you don’t want to do anything and let new things into your life.
The only way out is to run away from them. They will not change and will drag you down.
- Stage 2 - getting rid of the internal accuser. The feeling of guilt is ingrained in us from childhood, then school, work and strangers are added. The situation is aggravated by growing internal experiences. Daily reproaches of professional incompetence, laziness, cowardice, and lack of harmony have a destructive effect. And no one else can do it so quickly and effectively. Stop! Talk to your inner self. Didn't you do a thorough cleaning of your apartment over the weekend? Maybe you've had a really hard week at work and you just need to recharge. Try to find reasons, find a compromise. The main thing for you is to stop blaming yourself. Remember, this is not beneficial and has a negative impact on your mental health.
- Stage 3 - analysis of accumulated grievances. Everyone has a virtual “suitcase”. It doesn’t store grandma’s outfits, but a bunch of accumulated negativity. You don’t go through it every year and don’t throw away what you don’t need, but just report and report. What will happen? It will burst. Conduct an audit. Forgive and wish happiness to your offenders. This is an effective way to leave all the bad things in the past. Stop sulking at the teacher who failed you in an exam, or the colleague who spoke unflatteringly about you. Let them live their lives, and you – yours.
- Stage 4 - changing behavioral stereotypes. The main thing to understand here is that as long as we do everything as before, we will get an identical result. By preparing a dish strictly according to the recipe, we always get the same taste. You set your own barriers. Don't be afraid to experiment. To begin with, you can try to change your image, diet, and way of communicating with relatives (switch from communicating in instant messengers to phone calls, to face-to-face meetings). A big journey begins with small things. By allowing changes into life, we become better, our stereotypes and ways of achieving goals change.
- Stage 5 - constantly overcome yourself. Have you set a goal for yourself and achieved it? Fine. Don't rest on your laurels for long. A lot of discoveries await you. Set new ambitious goals, develop plans for their implementation, overcome fears and uncertainty. This should happen constantly. Do not be afraid. It will be scary at first, but then it will bring real pleasure.
It is important
Still thinking? What are you afraid of, getting rid of uncertainty, becoming self-sufficient, living by your own rules? Yes, it's a big responsibility. It's hard to stop blaming the whole world and start working. If you want to change and start living instead of complaining, act.
My tips
To become a self-sufficient woman, you need to evaluate your current condition. Go through the criteria we have considered again, determine what you currently lack, and write it down. Now think about how you can achieve what is missing. For example, if you are not happy with your figure, then sign up for a gym right now and consult a nutritionist.
If you are worried about lack of work or you don’t like what you do, then think about what in your case can combine three main components:
- want (your desires);
- can (your abilities and skills or what you can potentially learn);
- necessary (what is in demand in the market as a whole and in your city).
Now you can master many professions remotely or conquer one of the Internet professions. Or you can take courses in the beauty field and start seeing clients at home.
If you suffer from complexes and low self-esteem, uncertainty and understand that this is due to past traumas, then it is appropriate to visit a psychologist. Study each component of independence in even more detail, unravel it like a ball of thread, move from the general to the specific.
The path to independence is never simple and short - it takes a lifetime. Therefore, take your time, learn to set goals and plan, break large tasks into small subtasks, and do not take on everything at once.
Important! Not all women want to be independent; some, due to their personality, are comfortable being under the care of their husband and doing housework. If this option is closer to you, then you should not judge yourself, consider yourself inferior, etc.
Healthy Self Expression
Strangers don't know about your personality traits. A couple of minutes of communication can tell more about you than you do yourself. Look at the table, you will see striking differences that allow you to “calculate” the character before the start of communication.
| Unsure woman | Confident woman |
| Occasional touching, stroking and scratching of different parts of the body. This could be the palms, wrists, neck, nose, forehead, hair | Static posture and hand position |
| Covering part of the face or mouth with the palm of the hand | The hands are relaxed and do not make unnecessary movements |
| Avoiding eye to eye contact. | Looking directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, but without threat or hatred |
| Leg swinging or nervous shaking (sitting position) | Feet placed on the ground, posture straight, no crossed arms or legs |
| Fussiness, unnecessary movements, sudden and frequent changes of posture | Calm confident movements, static |
| Shifting from foot to foot | Stands firmly on his feet, straight and open posture |
To understand how to become confident, you need to know these characteristic signs. Parasitic words also betray uncertainty. These include: unlikely, generally, usually, I suspect, impossible, worries me, I doubt, necessary, difficult, difficult, probably.
Confident communication and social behavior skills can be trained. Having mastered them, you will change the opinion of others about you.
How to become self-confident - advice from a psychologist
- Make a regular list of your small and big victories. This will help you realize that your efforts are not in vain.
- Practice in front of a mirror. No matter how stupid and funny it may look from the outside, do it.
- Learn to present yourself. You must clearly understand your advantages and merits and talk about them without shyness. In most situations, this will help strangers get the right impression of you as a professional.
Mistakes and defeats
Their number in the past and future is not important. Are circumstances capable of undermining self-confidence, breaking you, or will you persevere through this lesson?
Turning to the biographies of successful people, we see that their life path was not paved with a red carpet. Millionaires found themselves on the verge of bankruptcy, actors experienced periods of long oblivion. They never stopped believing in their own strengths and continued to act.
Reconsider your attitude towards defeats. This is just a stage of life. What happens after it depends on you. If you act and achieve your goal, you will get the desired result. Give up and give up - dreams will remain dreams.
Traits of an independent woman
- She doesn't care about your opinion about her appearance.Most self-sufficient women take very good care of their appearance: they wear stylish clothes, control their diet, and take care of their figure. But there are also those who are not at all interested in this. They prefer ordinary, but comfortable clothes, they do not like to wear makeup, and the last time they played sports was in physical education class.
However, there is one thing that unites all these women: they absolutely do not care what anyone has to say about how they look. Whether they are beautiful models or ordinary girls in simple clothes, they don't care. They do this primarily for themselves and do not need to attract anyone's attention. - She does not judge people with stereotypes and does not like it when people say that about her. An independent woman will always try to gain new skills, knowledge and experience.
She will not become what society wants her to be: an exemplary daughter, a good wife, a caring mother. Such a girl will accept herself completely as she is, without imposed stereotypes. Her dreams, goals, talents will be unique. - She knows what she wants and will do anything to make it happen. If a person has no goals, then he stands still.
A self-sufficient girl clearly understands what she needs for life and what she wants to achieve. This woman will make a plan for herself and will follow it. Going with the flow is not her thing. 3 steps towards limitless possibilities! - If it’s hard for her, she will not sit idly by, suffer and be inactive.Each of us has failures in life, and some people do not treat us the way we would like. Let's be honest, we've all at one time or another felt the urge to hide from everyone and cry.
But self-sufficient women know that this will not do any good.They know that being a victim will result in them losing control of their lives. Yes, they experience disappointment, sadness, and anger inside, but they will never turn into whiners and will work on solving the problem.
