You don't have to wait any longer than necessary: why you should be the first to ask a guy out on a date

In most cases, society is accustomed to the fact that the initiative in relationships should come from the male sex, and lovely ladies can only graciously accept courtship, luxurious bouquets of flowers and sweet souvenirs.

However, you often have to be present even when the initiative to invite a guy on a date comes from the fair half of humanity. So when does the responsibility of inviting someone on a first date fall on fragile female shoulders?

Everything will become easier

People are used to complicating things. But why, if you can just ask the guy if he wants to go somewhere to get to know each other better in a private setting. Perhaps in the end you will be able to find someone with whom you can build a strong relationship!

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And don't be afraid of refusals. It may be awkward at first, but over time, asking guys out will become a normal part of your life.

What phrases to use

You can invite a guy on a date or for a walk:

via SMS;

using social networks;

personally.

When talking or texting, don't rant for too long. It is recommended to use the following phrases:

1. “I have an extra movie ticket, we could go together.”
2. “There will be an interesting exhibition (or concert) soon, I think you would be interested in visiting it.”
3. “You and I have a lot of topics to talk about, I suggest we chat in a restaurant over a glass of wine.”
4. “My friend’s wedding is coming this weekend, I need a gentleman.”
5. “I want to go out of town, you love nature, so we could go together.”
6. “I read on the Internet that very rare animals were brought to the zoo.”
7. “I want to do a photo shoot, I’m sure you could take a photo of me.”
8. “I dream of going on a bike ride, but I don’t have no.” Don't forget about this, and only then get ready for the invitation. This will help you withstand the pain if this happens.
Find the right place and time to invite.
You need to find an opportunity to meet him in a casual setting without too much pressure. Maybe in the hallway, near the coffee machine, on the sports field after practice, or wherever you usually run into him. Choose a place where you will not be disturbed, and a time when he is most likely to be relaxed and not stressed. Here's what to consider when you choose a place and time:

A little privacy will do you good. You don't have to be completely alone, but you will both be more comfortable if the conversation takes place in a place that isn't too crowded. People don't always answer honestly when their friends are around and they feel pressured, so some privacy will help you get a sincere answer.
Don't make it a problem to catch him the first second you're alone. If you're in a group together, lower your voice a little and say, "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" – and take a couple of steps back.
Don't wait for him. Every morning, silently waiting for him at the entrance to the classroom, constantly calling him and hanging up, constantly asking friends about him - this is how stalkers behave. This will probably scare him away.
Don't bother him in real life or on the Internet. It's normal to be generally aware of his life, but following his every move is already an unhealthy obsession.
Choose a reasonable place and time. It’s normal to talk about a date after classes at the theater club, but sending an SMS at half past one in the morning is, to put it mildly, not so good.

Come up with the content of the date.
If you're asking a guy out for the first time, you'll feel much more confident if you have a concrete plan of where to go and what to do. This will save you the stress of trying to figure out something to do when you're already on the date, and you won't have to say, "Um... I don't know" when he asks about your plans. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Don't dwell on negative thoughts like "he will laugh at me", "he will reject me", "he will say that he just wants to be friends" and so on. Remember that guys suffer and think the same way when they approach a girl, and that is why many of them remain just friends. You won't know the truth until you ask, so gather your courage and invite him. You can do it! You might be surprised by his reaction: in fact, most guys are much easier to talk about such things with than girls.

Invite him to the school dance (if you're in high school). Many schools have evenings where girls invite guys. It all depends on your school, so find out if you have a similar event - maybe in the spring, for Valentine's Day, or for some fall holiday. This is a great occasion!

Plan a classic date night. Or, if you already know this guy quite well and just want to spend more time with him, invite him to a casual night out together. Plan a dinner in a restaurant or at home - order food or cook something yourself, and after that you can, for example, watch a movie, go to a concert or show, a museum or another place that interests both of you.
Choose an activity that this guy especially likes. If he enjoys biking, jazz concerts, or sushi, take him on a bike ride, to a jazz club, or to a Japanese restaurant. He will feel more at ease and be more likely to agree.

Prepare an escape strategy.

Although you need to focus on the favorable outcome of the situation (yes, yes, yes!), and not on the worst, you need to realize that there is still a minimal chance of failure. Maybe he likes someone else, maybe he only sees you as a friend - either way, you will get over it. But if you want to make the best of the situation without losing your composure, then come up with a backup plan in case something goes wrong.

Come up with a reason to leave in advance. You can say that you need to study for a test, go to a lesson with a tutor, or that you are late for a meeting with a friend - the reason will sound better if you prepare it in advance.

Think of something to ask him if you see that he is not in the mood. If you approach him and he's clearly not in the mood for a date, figure out what else you could ask him so that it doesn't seem weird that you approached him. Ask about math homework or what time today's football game starts.

Part 2

Other Strategies for Asking a Guy Out on a Date

Use the extra ticket trick.
Buy two tickets to a movie, concert, variety show, or anything else that might be of interest to this guy. And then, when you start talking to him, casually mention this event and add: “Oh, my girlfriend left me alone...” If the guy doesn’t fall for it, ask directly - just say: “Maybe you want to go? I've been dying to see this show, it should be fun." Let your words sound casual, as if you just thought about it.
- This is the perfect way to ask a guy out without the pressure.
Invite him on a group date.
A group date is another easy way to see if a spark will fly between you. If you and your boyfriend hang out with a few couples or just hanging out with friends, it will feel less like a date and more like a get-together. Just tell your guy that you and your friends are going bowling, to the movies, to dinner, or wherever, and invite him to join.
- He'll understand that you're asking him out, but neither of you will feel the same pressure as if you were spending the evening alone.
Try not to be too vague about your intentions. A guy might mistake a group date for a regular party of friends. It will be awkward if during the date he does not realize that this is a date.
Invite him to do what guys like.
Choose something interesting that the guy you like and his friends like to do, and invite the guy to join you. Maybe he's into basketball, or likes to cheer for his favorite team on the football field, or just watches games at a local bar or restaurant, or likes to hike and get outdoors. An invitation to do something more masculine will sound more attractive and casual than the prospect of a candlelit dinner.
- First, find out what he
  likes to do. Perhaps what most guys like is not very interesting to him.
Invite him to a movie or a concert.
This is a slight variation of the “extra ticket” strategy. According to this strategy, you should first start a casual conversation with the guy. Then mention a movie that is playing in theaters or a band that is coming to perform, trying to find out his preferences. Wait for him to react - how much he likes this group or movie, and if he doesn’t catch your hint, say: “I really wanted to see this movie too. Would you like to go this weekend?”
- If you really want to keep it casual, you can add, “No one else comes to mind who would want to go with me,” or “None of my friends like this group...”
Invite him with a note.
Leave a note in his locker, textbook, bag, guitar case, or anywhere else that may be considered important to him. Just write: “Would you like to go somewhere?” – and leave him your phone number. Works great with guys you barely know and no one feels pressured. The method is not only effective, but it will also make the guy think that you are cute and a little creative.
- If you want more romance, you can even invite him by letter, the main thing is not to overdo it and not to scare him.
Invite a guy over the phone.
If you really want to ask a guy out on a date, but you're afraid to do it in person, just call him and ask if he wants to go somewhere this weekend. You can even call him in front of a close friend or two for moral support - as long as they don't ruin everything with their giggling and squealing, their presence will help you calm down and gain confidence. And if he refuses, all you have to do is say goodbye and hang up.
Let him know how you feel about him.
- Don't worry, just talk a little first and then move on to your question.
Give him reasons why you like him, and then tell him that you like him. You will increase his self-confidence and, possibly, the likelihood of getting consent.
The best thing to do is ask if he is free on a particular day. If yes, share your plans, and if he likes them, he will most likely say yes.
Let him know that if the date doesn't work out, you're still willing to be friends with him, and if it works out, you're still ready to go on to the next one. He needs to know that you won't get angry. Say, for example: “You know, you are smart, kind, cool, and I like you. If you're free on Friday night, let's go to the cinema and have dinner together. We can go alone or call someone else. If nothing works out, don’t worry, we’ll remain friends.” You may not initially suggest inviting someone else, but clarify when he agrees: “Just you and me, or shall we invite one of our friends?” This way he will see that his opinion is important to you.
Another way is to say, “My friend and I are going out to dinner and she invited her boyfriend. Maybe you'll come with me? I like you, you're cool, smart and very sweet. What do you say? Are you free on Friday evening? Wait for his response.

Always listen to what the guy says and react accordingly.
First, try to get to know him a little better.
Think about his feelings. Even if you feel awkward, be yourself.
Invite calmly so he doesn't feel pressured or anxious.
Wait patiently for a response. If a guy says he needs time to think, let him think. It's better to give him time and not rush him into making a decision, otherwise, if he likes you too, he might get scared.
If he says no, don't be upset! There are a lot of other guys in the world. Don't show how sad you are so he doesn't feel guilty. Just humble yourself and smile.
Be friends first and when the time comes, tell him how you feel and how much he means to you.
Try to talk in private. If he has his friends with him, he might want to play the tough guy and turn you down.
If a guy is going through a breakup with his previous girlfriend, he may not be ready for a date or, on the contrary, he may simply be looking for a replacement.
Make sure you interpret his signals correctly. If you are mistaken, you may find yourself in an awkward position.
Don't expect a guy to necessarily demonstrate his feelings for you (if he has any). He may be nervous or unsure of your reciprocity.

You will get an advantage

Believe me, not many girls ask guys out on a date. Due to embarrassment, fear of rejection and other reasons. And the guy you like may not have decided yet, and therefore chooses among several girls he likes whom to invite on a date.

And then you appear! The one who took the first step. Chances are very high that if he likes you, he will stop his search.

The guy will stop being nervous

For obvious reasons. After all, the girl he had his eye on for a long time invited him on a date! Just think how impressed he will be with your courage. The main thing is that he does not turn out to be as shy on a date.

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You will break stereotypes

Of course, all the framework is in our heads. So are traditional gender norms. Of course, most of them are logical and correct, but no one forbids girls from inviting guys on dates. It’s just that young ladies don’t do this because once upon a time, back in childhood, society instilled in them that this is not right.

However, it is not. That's right - don't be shy about your feelings and follow your impulses. If you don't do this, you might miss your chance.

Social media

The next stage is monitoring social networks and starting correspondence. In order to establish meaningful communication via the Internet, you need to avoid platitudes: “hello” and “how are you?” Such messages are answered rarely and without enthusiasm.

We need to come up with something more original and definitely personal. Standard phrase: “Have you had a hard day today too?” - also, in principle, a banal, but quite personal question, as a result of which a lively conversation can begin.

How to invite a guy to go out via text? The safest option for a shy girl is to find out about some street events and celebrations and ask her crush if he will go to them? If the answer is yes, you can ask if they will meet there. You definitely need to clarify what kind of company he will be in: it is one thing if he is with a couple of friends, and completely different if he is with a new passion.

More confident girls can afford to simply invite a guy for a chat - if he answers in the affirmative, then this is considered a full-fledged date.

You don't have to wait

You don't want to sit back and dream about when the object of your affection will finally ask you out on a date? Of course that would be nice. A guy who really likes a girl shouldn't hesitate. But maybe he's just shy? Or does he think you don't need him?

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Don't waste time. Take a risk and invite him to take your friendship to the next level.

Ways to date a man

To be the first to ask a man out on a date, you need to overcome the fear of the first step . Assess the situation, the presence of reciprocal sympathy on the part of the potential partner. There are several options for scheduling an appointment.

Invitation methods:

Verbal: conversation in person, phone call.
Written: note, postcard, SMS.
Remote: message on a social network or through a third party.

How to talk about a date out loud

An option for the most courageous and confident girls. If there is no pressure or psychological barriers, then it is better to choose this one. A personal conversation leaves virtually no omissions. In addition, an attentive person will feel how the interlocutor is configured, his emotions in relation to the situation. If a guy agrees to a meeting through force, not wanting to offend the lady, then this will be noticeable.

Invite a man on a private date. Extra witnesses will confuse both. Will cause gossip among friends or colleagues. Take a moment when your chosen one is alone.

The good thing about a telephone call is that the interlocutor will not see you, and therefore will not notice your embarrassment. It is worth stopping at the call if you are prone to vegetative manifestations of emotions, such as redness of the skin, the appearance of perspiration, involuntary movements, and neurotic manifestations.

A written invitation for the shy

The option in the form of notes and letters is convenient if a woman is afraid of refusal. Or in the case when a girl expresses her thoughts better in writing, but when they meet, she is afraid of getting confused and telling the man something wrong.

A message on a social network also refers to a written invitation to a date, unless, of course, you decide to go with the voice option. Pre-established contact on the Internet with your interlocutor will make the task easier.

In any case, messengers provide an opportunity for rehearsal. The message can be rewritten many times, even edited after sending. The text is balanced and verified. But there is no need to delay . After numerous revisions, you will lose the desire to send it at all. The method is also convenient because a written refusal of a date is perceived less painfully. And in a personal meeting it is better not to return to this topic again.

If you decide to involve a third party, then choose a reliable person whom you trust. Ideally, the candidate himself expresses a desire to help. Discuss in advance what will be said to the object of your affection, so as not to get into an embarrassing situation or be misunderstood.

You will receive answers to your questions

Let's say you've been in love with a guy for a long time, but things don't go beyond friendly communication. Why torment yourself? You can invite him on a date and get answers to your questions. Maybe he likes you too, but he's afraid to take the first step.

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Of course, this will be an exciting meeting, because there is always a chance of hearing sad words of non-reciprocity. But this is better than continuing to indulge yourself with rosy dreams and hopes! You will know the truth and accept it. Over time, the pain will be forgotten.

And if it turns out that the sympathy is mutual, then you will become the happiest girl in the Universe who made the right choice.

Important points and preliminary preparation

There are several things to consider when deciding to take a guy on your first romantic date.

Family status. It is worth finding out in advance whether the young man is in a long-term relationship. There is a possibility that the chosen one is married or has been dating another woman for a long time. This is one of the reasons why a man doesn’t ask him out on a date himself.

Preliminary communication . Not everyone easily makes contact with unfamiliar people. Moreover, not everyone will agree to a private meeting with a stranger. You will have to try to establish friendly communication with the gentleman, inspire trust, and inquire about his interests. This will help you decide on the location and theme of your date in the future.

It may happen that a girl, having gotten to know the guy better, will completely abandon the idea of meeting alone. You should also not delay your friendships, otherwise you risk staying in the camp of friends forever.

Readiness for failure . The moment is unpleasant. But it is worth remembering that no matter how competently and originally the invitation is made, a man can refuse a date. The reasons are different. And the guy doesn't have to voice them.

Probably, the object of attention is in love with someone, has not recovered from a painful breakup of a previous relationship, or does not consider the inviting woman in a romantic way. Therefore, you will have to mentally prepare for a possible refusal.

Careful preparation . At the cherished hour, you need to look perfect and feel comfortable. This will give you confidence and help you charm your chosen one to a greater extent. Take care of the little things. A neat manicure and hairstyle play an important role.

During a date, think about good things and smile naturally. Maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to. In order not to be embarrassed, not to forget important words, or, on the contrary, not to say too much, you should rehearse your speech at home in front of the mirror. Do not be upset if in the process you had to deviate from the previously planned scheme. The result is important.

His feelings will intensify

If the one you decide to invite on a date is actually in love with you, then this act will simply knock him off his feet and carry him into the abyss of emotions.

The guy realizes that you have been thinking about him, dreaming and wondering if it would be right to ask him out. This greatly affects self-esteem and awakens respect. Being impressed by what happened, he will certainly try to surprise you on the upcoming date.

Intrigue with an original invitation

In addition to the examples of standard invitations given, you can also surprise with an original approach. Ask for help , knowing what exactly your chosen one is good at - checking the computer for a virus, nailing a shelf, or walking the dog. Come up with a quest , intriguing the guy and awakening his hunter's instinct. Leave a note with an invitation or a ticket to a movie show without leaving a signature. Let him be interested in finding out who exactly is interested in him. And you can start a conversation and turn it into a date format even after watching the movie. In addition, if something goes wrong, you can always say that you also received an anonymous invitation and are completely unaware of who it was who arranged your date with this person. Become his secret admirer by leaving smiley notes on the table or small gifts. As a result, you can leave an invitation to a football match and surprise them with your meeting at it. The main thing is to try to be sincere and unobtrusive. Find that fine line by showing your interest in continuing the relationship, but at the same time being intriguing and forcing the guy to pursue your feelings. And yet, there is no need to strive to surprise with an overly romantic date. So you can scare off a guy by raising the bar for organizing your meetings and showing too clearly the strength of your feelings. In addition, it would be wrong to suggest spending time in an expensive restaurant or on a yacht. The guy may well be embarrassed by the upcoming expenses and the risk of not meeting your desires.