What is sentimentality and should we fight it?

Sentimentality is a special type of sensual mood, when external events and impressions affect a person’s feelings and emotions to a greater extent, practically without affecting the mental sphere, the tendency of the psyche towards increased receptivity and daydreaming. A feeling of sentimentality can manifest itself as touch, tenderness, delight or empathy in moments that do not cause such reactions in the majority of others, and in its extreme manifestations it can be expressed in increased tearfulness or cloying enthusiasm, bordering on ignoring shortcomings.

The presence of such a worldview does not negate the fact that a person can be aggressive, angry, cynical and skeptical, since sentimentality has a selective meaning and does not apply to all life events. A person can be overly touched by animals and empathize with them, while hating people; he can be moved by a film, but remain indifferent to the events in the store line. Most often, this feeling and sentimental character lends itself to criticism, both in society and in literature, and in the perception of society borders on weakness, recklessness and stupidity.

Definition

The word sentimentality comes from the French sentiment and is translated as “feeling.” Wikipedia refers to it as a mental property in which external impressions act not on the mind, but on the feelings. This mood manifests itself in the form of receptivity, enthusiasm, daydreaming, tenderness, touch and empathy for reasons that do not cause all of the above in other people.

An example that is probably familiar to many: when two people are watching a film, one is in tears, and the other sits with a stony face and does not understand what there is to cry about. This is an extreme manifestation of sentimentality, giving a person tearfulness and cloying sensitivity.

In simple words, a sentimental person is one who experiences positive and negative feelings more acutely than others. He is easy to please, surprise, impress. And it’s just as easy to hurt and offend.

Sentimentality can also be selective. For example, apply only to animals, but not to affect stories about people. In addition, this quality often coexists with cynicism and aggressiveness. Therefore, impressionable and sensitive does not always mean kind and compassionate.

Manifestation in women and men

Sentimentality is considered to be the prerogative of women. And in vain. Representatives of the fairer sex indeed have a slightly greater mobility of the nervous system and have a different direction of thinking from men. But in fact, the biggest role here is played by a person’s temperament, and, as is known, it does not depend on gender.

Sanguine and choleric people are most susceptible to sentiment. In addition, sensitivity is affected by instability of the nervous system. Based on this, melancholic people also fall into the group with increased susceptibility.

You may be wondering how a person's temperament differs from their character.

The only reason that can explain why women are more emotional and vulnerable is their testosterone level. The higher its level in the body, the less sentimental the person is. Men have tens of times more testosterone. But over the years, this hormone decreases in both sexes. This is one of the reasons why older people become more sensitive.

Let's see what are the characteristics of the manifestation of sentimentality in men and women.

In men

From childhood, boys are told that real men don't cry. Most people learn to suppress emotions and develop neuroses. There are creative people who are not shy about their feelings and boldly express them in public. But among representatives of other professions there are many sentimental men who are susceptible to strong emotions regarding a certain area.

For example, they can admire the successes of their children, empathize with the hardships of loved ones, feel delighted about their hobbies, etc. In addition, men perceive their own illnesses, problems at work, and failures in business much more keenly.

There are men who beautifully look after girls: they give flowers, arrange candlelit dinners, come up with surprises. This is also a manifestation of sentimentality, which is called romance.

Among women

Society gives the weaker sex more freedom to express their emotions. And often girls use this for selfish purposes: they pout, throw hysterics, and cry. Some try to manipulate a partner or child in this way, others seek pity and sympathy, others seek concessions at work, etc.

But, as we have already found out, men can be no less sensitive. Only in their case, sentimentality is most often noticed in the context of positive events, and female sensitivity manifests itself in negative ones.

Who is a sentimental person?

A sentimental person is one who is subject to emotions. They guide his behavior and serve as a motive for his actions. Such a person is controlled by feelings. Sentimental people are considered subtle, gentle natures. They are characterized by tearfulness. They know how to empathize with others, feel their mood and indulge in it themselves.

Sentimentality and empathy in this case are terms with similar meanings. Mental qualities determine a person’s attitude to current events. But empaths, as a rule, really acutely sense the emotions of other people; they know how to “read” someone else’s mood. Some of them even use their ability for personal gain. Empaths maintain a cool head, despite the fact that other people's emotions are close and understandable to them. Dreaminess is unusual for them.

Sentimental people are moved and tearful even about circumstances that have nothing to do with them. They empathize with the characters of works of art, heroes of films, and are greatly delighted when they see a fluffy kitten or a blooming flower.

But they may not notice someone else's grief. Psychologists say that sentimentality is easy to imitate in order to create the impression of a sensitive and vulnerable person.

Even in the literature there is such a term. Women read sentimental novels. They immerse themselves in the world of fictional characters and live life with them. Perhaps in this way they are trying to make up for the lack of emotions in reality.

A sentimental person is susceptible to the outside world, he reacts sharply to all events. But at the same time, he tends to be in dreams. Often he does not notice the cruel reality.

Some psychologists argue that the reason for sentimentality lies in a person’s ability to imagine himself in the place of another individual. It’s as if he’s trying the situation on himself. At this moment the person is not aware of reality. It may be dangerous. Everything should be in moderation, and sentimentality too.

Sentimentality in men

A sentimental man evokes ambivalent feelings among those around him. Some people are impressed by his ability to empathize. Such representatives of the stronger sex are often considered romantic in nature. They will cry with their significant other when watching melodrama. But the thing is that in reality it is difficult to expect support from them. As a rule, such men have a weak character, do not know how to make decisions and bear responsibility.

Someone else's story of unhappy love can plunge them into despair. However, they are unlikely to suffer over their own child’s worn-out shoes. Rarely sentimental men have strong-willed qualities. They are in dreams, “crying” over the imperfections of the world.

Sentimentality and immaturity in this case go hand in hand. The reason most often lies in childhood. Most likely, the man was raised by women and did not know his father. However, the terms cannot be called synonyms. An infantile person is not capable of independent life. He is an adult child to whom everyday problems are alien.

Sentimentality is a property of the psyche. It does not affect the ability to act. Another thing is that hypersensitive people simply have no time to do anything. For them, emotions are more important than the result of activity.

But at a certain age, men really do become sentimental. Over the years, the body stops producing the male hormone testosterone. The result is obvious: a person remembers the past, plunges into dreams, and acutely perceives the outside world.

Some psychologists believe that sentimentality is a sign of aging in a man. This is a feature of the body associated with withering. It is the presence of sentimentality that smoothes out the rigidity of character. After all, an absolutely insensitive man, incapable of empathy, is also bad. But, as I said, everything should be in moderation.

Sentimentality in women

A sentimental girl is practically the norm. No one will judge a representative of the fair sex if she bursts into tears at a wedding.

Moreover, the ability to empathize, sympathize, and express emotions is inherent in nature. But excessive sentimentality also prevents women from realistically assessing events, raising children, and running a household.

If, for example, a mother cries with happiness, rejoicing at her son’s success at school, then there is nothing wrong with that. But if this same person cries while watching a story about an orphanage, at a time when the apartment is in disarray and there is nothing to feed the children, this is a pathology.

A sentimental woman is, first of all, an emotional, vulnerable person in need of protection and care. It’s good if she also has strong-willed qualities, like, for example, the heroine of the novel “Gone with the Wind.” Melanie admired the picturesque views, cried over romance novels, but when the time came to protect her home and loved ones, not a trace remained of her sentimentality.

It is worth considering that at certain periods of life, a woman becomes overly sentimental. Again, hormones are to blame. Tearfulness and mood swings are typical for many representatives of the fair sex during menstruation.

No one is surprised by sentimentality during pregnancy. During this period, the expectant mother is acutely aware of everything that is happening around her. Every little thing touches her and upsets her. But it normal. She is preparing to become a parent. Raising a child requires hypersensitivity.

Sentimentality in love is typical for young girls. Mature women tend to be more pragmatic. Sometimes excessive emotionality spoils relationships. A man cannot stand stormy delight or tears for no apparent or incomprehensible reason.

Sentimental feelings are clearly manifested when falling in love. I want to surround my companion with care and warmth, create a romantic atmosphere and immerse myself in dreams. Returning to reality is not painless for everyone. Everyday life requires calculation. Feelings have no place here. Therefore, if one of the partners cannot cope with sentimentality and continues to live only by emotions, the union more often falls apart. A sentimental nature will not understand how one can demand breakfast when it is such a wonderful morning outside.

Thus, sentimentality can play a cruel joke. This is exactly the case when they say that the family boat crashed into everyday life.

Causes

We have already partially explained why some people are more sentimental than others. Let’s briefly summarize the main aspects and find out what else makes us cry without serious reasons:

• Feature of the psyche. This includes representatives of certain types of temperament, as well as creative individuals who subtly sense the world around them and other people.
• Hormones . This is not only a decreased level of testosterone, but also a change in hormonal levels that occurs, for example, during pregnancy. This is why women become very sensitive and whiny during pregnancy. In addition, increased emotional excitability is caused by periods of menstruation, menopause, and certain diseases.
• Age. Again, this is due to changes in hormonal levels and a decrease in testosterone levels. In addition, older people often remember their youth, sometimes the experience they live causes regret or nostalgia, which adds reasons for longing and sentimentality.
• Upbringing. Hysterical character traits can be provoked by a lack of attention, double, contradictory and unfair instructions, despotic upbringing or the absence of it at all.

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Older sister (brother) complex.

The order in which children are born affects their upbringing. As a result, personality formation

The first child grew up on his own, he got everything: a separate room, new things, a lot of toys, all the attention, parental care

When the second child appears, all these things and aspects are divided in half, unless an even larger share is given to the baby. And as a rule, this happens because they require more care. Therefore, the elder is deprived.

This situation creates a feeling of deprivation and anger. And also, high responsibility over the younger child means a lot of work. Such conditions of upbringing and family life form certain personality traits with which a person enters adulthood.

Main features.

Young men and mature people often display character traits behind which one can easily see a sister (brother) complex:

• suffer from perfectionism;
• authoritative;
• according to statistics, they have a high level of intelligence;
• responsible;
• strive for perfection, which can result in both success and an inferiority complex;
• overly caring;
• tendency to punish, censure for infantile behavior;
• heightened sense of injustice;
• seriousness, severity;
• going headlong into work;
• raising people around as if they don’t understand anything;
• trying to find a partner who will need control and care, like a younger brother or sister.

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How to get rid of it?

To get rid of the sister (brother) complex, you need to realize that adult life has begun. There is no need to educate anyone anymore. There are the same independent people around with their own point of view. If they need help, I can ask them myself. Excessive care can only worsen the relationship between each other.

You no longer need to constantly work or be busy. That is, you need to learn to rest and relax. After all, if you constantly take on the burden of responsibility and pile on many tasks, chronic fatigue develops. Because of which people become irritable, cognitive functions suffer.

Seriousness and rigor are good qualities for doing the same work. But you shouldn’t transfer these character traits into everyday life. After all, they create an atmosphere of tension. You can always laugh at something, sometimes look ridiculous or even childish - let out a child that you didn’t have time to play with enough in childhood.

Advantages and disadvantages

It is impossible to say for sure whether sentimentality is a positive or negative property. Everything is good in moderation.

Inconvenience can only come from excessive sensitivity, when a person begins to cry and get offended for any reason. It is difficult to live and work with such people. At the same time, it is worth noting that callousness and soullessness also do not bring joy in communication.

So, about the disadvantages:

• Sentimental people are less practical, they are daydreamer and often have their head in the clouds. The modern pace and conditions of life are such that those who are more stable in emotions and look at problems soberly win.
• Excessive tearfulness is emotionally draining and threatens burnout.
• Many people begin to feel guilty because they cannot help everyone. And this is also a very destructive state. By the way, we have a separate publication on how to get rid of guilt.
• An overly sentimental person risks becoming a subject of manipulation by others.
• Extreme sensitivity spoils love, friendship and work relationships.
• Overly sensitive and dreamy people tend to idealize when it comes to positive emotions. Conversely, they can overwhelm themselves by experiencing negative experiences.

Now about the advantages:

• Moderate sentimentality helps to build friendly, trusting relationships with people around you.
• Sensitive people are more capable of empathy, compassion and support than others. They subtly sense the moods and states of other people.

Healthy sentimentality is the expression of emotions on occasion and the ability to quickly return to reality. For example, if a father is moved at his son’s wedding or a girl wipes away tears while reading a romance novel with a sad ending. This quality does not harm anyone - neither those around him, nor the person himself.

A large list of a person’s emotions and feelings/experiences. 257 emotions in alphabetical order

Excitement Apathy Serenity Hopelessness Harmlessness Safety Indifference Hopelessness Anxiety Helplessness Incoherence Powerlessness Fury Reverence Gratitude Bliss Vigor Soreness Pain Fear Rebellion Inspiration Generosity Faith Mutual assistance Excitement Guilt Falling in love Excitement Indignation Belligerence Excitement Receptivity Delight Delight theft Sensitivity Temperance Arrogance Stupidity Anger Pride Arrogance Bitterness Willingness Sadness Disorientation Depression Insolence Kindness Trust Contentment Annoyance Drive Friendliness Competitive spirit Heartache Pity Liveliness Funniness Caring Envy Surrender Interested Ingratiation Confusion Arrogance Confusion Shyness Schadenfreude Anger Identity Isolation Amazement Interest Irony Sincerity Fear Hysteria Exhaustion Comfort Laziness Jubilation Cunning Admiration Love Self-love Curiosity Dream peacefulness Peacefulness Plea Gloominess Vengefulness Hope Arrogance Tension Alertness Equanimity Indignation Tenderness Awkwardness Unsociability Hatred Disobedience Dislike Nervousness Impatience Inconvenience Discouragement Concern Resentment Relief Relief Adoration Doom Loneliness Spirituality Liveliness Waiting Concern Puzzle Mischief Disgust Fear Optimism Devastation Liberation Insult Stunned Caution Disgust O haste Detachment Retardation Detachment Despair Alienation Appreciation Numbness Fascination Fascination Dazed Dazed Feeling trapped Feeling stuck Feeling threatened Sadness Tearfulness Dejection Obsessiveness Trick Suspicion Suspiciousness Abandonment Submissiveness Patronizing Insanity Defeat Impulse Lost Shock Superiority Anticipation Contempt Disregard Affection Appreciation Acceptance Elation Forgiveness Inquisitive Joy Irritation Frustration Vulnerability Disposition Absent-mindedness Relaxation Frustration Confusion Jealousy Reflection Determination Zeal Self-righteousness Self-worth Sarcasm Grumpiness Restraint Sentimentality Angry Seriousness Strong desire Sympathy Sorrow Boredom Weakness Brokenness Laughter Humility Confusion Confusion Composure Regret Doubt Resistance Sympathy Calm Shyness Suffering Passion Fear Longing Stress Shame Happiness Firm confidence Warmth Longing Anxiety Trembling Three umf Heaviness Respect Self-confidence Passion Passion Dejection Sullenness Luck Surprise Satisfaction Pleasure Dejection Horror Remorse Tenderness Peaceful Humiliation Humiliation Despondency Loss of strength Persistence Fatigue Injured Vulnerability Blues Royalty Cynicism Feeling of lack of love for you Shock Euphoria Exaltation Ecstasy Energy Enthusiasm Rage

How to deal with excessive sentimentality

It’s worth getting rid of impressionability when it begins to be emotionally exhausting and interferes with building business or personal relationships. To become less whiny, psychologists advise using the anchoring method:

1. Choose a “safe word” for yourself, an object that you can carry with you, or a smell or sound. For example, as soon as tears begin to roll up and a lump forms in your throat, snap your fingers and say the safe word “enough.”
2. Now we need training so that a stable association is developed between the chosen anchor and the state of calm. To do this, you should also decide on the state that you want to feel at the moment the signal arrives: stability, restraint, rationality, etc. You can remember the situation during which you felt this. Record it in your memory so you can recreate it in time.
3. Perform such training not only in highly emotional moments, but also when you are at home in peace. After a couple of weeks, you will already be able to feel lasting results.

Such practices will help rebuild neural connections and respond to the same circumstances in a new way.

Learn more about how to control your emotions.

Sentimentality Test

Want to test yourself for sensitivity? I suggest answering a few simple questions and counting the number of “yes”:

1. Do you have things in your home that you can't throw away because of the memories associated with them?
2. Does it happen that you cannot hold back your tears when saying goodbye to loved ones?
3. Are you familiar with such conditions when “your heart bleeds”, “your soul hurts”, “heaviness in your heart”?
4. Can you forget about business and responsibilities for the sake of your loved one?
5. Do you like diminutive love addresses such as “bunny”, “cat”, etc.?
6. Do you have any memories that can make you cry?
7. Do you get upset easily when you hear someone's love story?
8. Do you consider yourself a compassionate person?

The more affirmative answers you get, the more sentimental you can be considered.

Is sentimentality a good or bad trait?

Like any other character trait, sentimentality should be viewed from different perspectives. How is it perceived by society and how important and necessary is this character trait for a person’s life:

1. In the modern world, everyone is focused on their own needs and problems, so they are closed to others.
2. Sincerity and sympathy, shown with particular acuteness, are considered something rare and amazing.
3. Perhaps the sentimental person is an unusual example of a kind and heartless inner world.

However, it is nice to have a friend who is happy or sympathizes with you, and this will be fully reflected in their facial expressions and eyes. Especially if such tears of happiness were shed at your wedding or at the birth of your child.

Don't take this trait as a sign of personality weakness. This is only a small part of your character, which, moreover, can be selectively applied in practice.

Why is crying good for you?

At the end of this article, I would like to say a few words in support of sentimental people. Psychologists and doctors agree that tear therapy is beneficial for health and psyche. And it doesn’t matter at all whether you cry from happiness or grief.

Here are the arguments they give to support their assertion:

1. Protection from stress. Restraining emotions provokes a whole bunch of different ailments - from migraines to neurosis. During crying, joy hormones - endorphins - are released, so moral relief occurs. In other words, tears are an excellent antidepressant.
2. Cleansing the body. Just like sweat, tears remove toxins. But this is only relevant for emotional tears. If you cry from an onion or squeeze out crying on purpose, the effect will not be as effective.
3. About pain relief. In addition to endorphin, enkephalin is released during crying, which is very similar in properties to morphine. Therefore, while crying, mild pain may not be felt. But, of course, the effect does not last long, and it is better to relieve severe pain in more effective ways.
4. Strengthening relationships. This is not about manipulation for personal gain, which can only ruin relationships. The point is that tears expose the soul, make a person sincere and vulnerable. This allows you to better understand him, to penetrate into the very depths of his soul.