Self-affirmation is “an individual’s desire to achieve and maintain a certain social status” (definition from the Dictionary of a Practical Psychologist, author - S.Yu. Golovin, 1998). The need for self-expression belongs to the fifth level of needs in Maslow's pyramid, spiritual needs. Not every person reaches this level of development, and among those who do, not all assert themselves in a healthy way. Let us examine in more detail what personal self-affirmation is in simple words.
What is self-affirmation
Self-affirmation in psychology is a person’s desire for social recognition and respect. You can assert yourself both in practical activities with the help of real achievements, and at the verbal level - by talking about real or fictitious achievements.
Self-affirmation is closely related to self-esteem. A self-affirming person wants to receive high praise from society and himself.
As a rule, they choose one area for self-affirmation, for example, work, family (motherhood, fatherhood) or creativity. But some people try to be the best at everything. And some even assert themselves at the expense of other people. The latter method cannot be called constructive and healthy. This is a psychological defense mechanism behind which a person hides his pain.
In psychology, the following judgments about self-affirmation are taken as a basis:
- self-affirmation is the desire to feel the value and significance of one’s own personality;
- there are different models of behavior within the framework of self-affirmation;
- One of the destructive models is self-affirmation at the expense of others.
Interesting! The need for self-affirmation can be ordinary or dominant. Sometimes it becomes the goal and meaning of a person’s life and determines the make-up of his personality. Such people are self-centered.
Peculiarities
Let's analyze the features of self-affirmation through its components:
- Social interaction. Self-affirmation is impossible outside of society.
- Interaction with oneself and the formation of self-concept. Self-affirmation is connected with the rest of the “self”: self-realization, self-esteem, self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-knowledge, self-actualization, self-determination (professional and in life) and so on. Sometimes a conflict arises at the junction of the first and second elements. For example, it may be difficult for a person to achieve self-esteem and respect from other people.
- Hierarchy of motives and needs, value system. In the process of self-affirmation, these elements can be transformed (the person himself can change his values when necessary), but at the same time, the initial base determines the specifics of self-affirmation.
- Behavior. The need for self-affirmation dictates to a person what to do and how to live. However, there are different tactics: defensive, compensatory, dominant, constructive.
In addition, self-affirmation is associated with self-esteem. Self-affirmation is the desire to declare oneself, one’s individuality, and uniqueness.
Awareness of your own uniqueness
We always have a conflict of two needs: not to be a “black sheep” and, at the same time, not to be like everyone else. In different situations, one motive wins, then another. And from this point of view, self-affirmation can be considered as the implementation of both the first and second motives.
First, we assert ourselves in order to “keep up” with the others, not to be an outsider. Have time to start a family, get an education, have a decent job, have your own home.
Then we assert ourselves to show that I am not like the others. I am an indispensable specialist in my field, I am a modern, understanding mother, I am a creative person who does something unique.
Signs
A sign of healthy, constructive self-affirmation is continuous self-development and self-improvement of the individual. With this approach, a person compares himself only with himself and becomes the best version of himself. He overcomes difficulties by working on himself, and not by belittling other people.
If for some reason a person considers himself worse than others, has problems with self-esteem and self-perception, then he chooses destructive ways of self-affirmation. For example, he asserts himself at someone else’s expense. We will talk about this in another article, but for now we will consider the main manifestations (signs) of self-affirmation at the expense of others:
- insults;
- humiliation;
- intimidation;
- destructive disputes (to argue, not to find the truth);
- provocations;
- organization of “bases”;
- unfounded criticism;
- gossip and discussing a person behind a person’s back;
- condemnation;
- focusing on a person’s shortcomings and failures;
- authoritarianism;
- demonstrative importance.
A person devalues, humiliates, suppresses others in order to appear better against their background, instead of working on himself and actually outperforming other people in something or adjusting his self-esteem, developing and establishing himself on an equal footing with someone. Such people are rude and aggressive. Sometimes they appear outwardly confident, but in reality they are not.
Constructive strategy
This path of personal self-affirmation is typical for people with adequate self-esteem. It may be lower or higher depending on the situation. It is absolutely normal if a person suffers a fiasco, which provokes a temporary decrease in self-esteem, or if he wins and increases his opinion of himself.
Minimal fluctuations in self-esteem are not deviations. It is important how a person brings his mental state back to normal. Adherents of a constructive strategy achieve what they want through their own efforts.
All that they themselves have achieved is a “fireproof” level, below which it is difficult to fall. It's possible, but it's worth the effort.
These people often live in strict discipline, in constant effort, in search of new methods of self-expression.
Causes
If we are talking about healthy self-affirmation, then the reason is the natural need for acceptance by society and the desire for internal harmony. If a person does not find a healthy way of self-realization, then he will find himself cut off from society.
A person who asserts himself at the expense of others does so for reasons of self-defense. It seems to him that there are only enemies around him. To prevent others from attacking, reproaching, or criticizing him, he strikes first. The reasons for this attitude towards the world: lack of love, attention, acceptance, security in childhood. At first the parents did not accept the child, later this turned into the child not accepting himself.
The appearance of desire
The desire to assert oneself appears early. This is first noticeable in early childhood - about three years. At the age of three, a child experiences an age-related crisis, which in psychology is called “I myself.” It is at this age that the child first realizes his significance, value, independence and tries to defend all this, to declare himself. He wants his opinions and desires to be listened to and respected. In general, he strives for self-expression and self-affirmation. However, the peak of the craving for self-affirmation occurs in adolescence.
Healthy self-affirmation involves the gradual disclosure of personal potential, interaction with society through existing abilities and opportunities. However, sometimes people use other strategies.
Self-suppression
This is a blocking of personal potential and abilities, a ban on self-expression. This is based on fears, anxieties, doubts, complexes, and conflicts. For example, self-suppression often occurs against a background of fear of failure, uncertainty, low self-esteem, distrust of society, fear of criticism and public condemnation.
This behavior can hardly be called a self-affirmation strategy. This is a failure to assert yourself and an unhealthy response. You need to get rid of this, that is, look for the root cause of uncertainty, complexes and other problems, and then get rid of them. It is necessary to eliminate all blocks that impede self-realization.
Self-denial
This is self-affirmation for the sake of society. That is, a person gives up his individuality, desires and interests. He doesn't live his own life. Instead, he becomes what society accepts him to be.
This model also cannot be called healthy, since it triggers the development of intrapersonal conflict. A person’s denial of himself leads to the development of neuroses, depression and other mental disorders.
An alternative to self-denial is imitation of someone. Moreover, a person gets used to someone else’s image so much that he takes over the merits of the idol. He himself begins to believe that he has something to do with what his chosen subject is known for.
Compensatory strategy
This is a person’s self-affirmation in an area that may not be very interesting to him, but is accessible. That is, he would like to do one thing, but he manages (has the ability and opportunity) to do something else. This approach can be called healthy, but it is important to understand that the person still remains dissatisfied.
Why does it occur
Self-affirmation at the expense of others is a protective mechanism of the psyche that helps a person protect himself from unresolved problems. It is based on the need to constantly seek confirmation of one’s own superiority and importance. If a person can prove that everyone around him is bad, then the attitude “I am good” automatically appears in his head. With this comes a feeling of confidence, security, and comfort.
Why do some people need regular confirmation of their worth? Because they live with the belief “I am bad.” Where did this attitude come from? Parents suggested. They did not accept the child, criticized him, insulted him, humiliated him, suppressed him, beat him, punished him, intimidated him, compared him with others, etc.
What is it for
Self-affirmation is important for the internal harmony of the individual. We have already said that a person’s attitude towards himself depends on this. In addition, public recognition and self-affirmation makes life meaningful and motivates for further accomplishments.
Without self-affirmation, self-development and self-realization are impossible. Otherwise, intrapersonal conflicts, depression, addiction, and aggression arise, which is directed either at the person himself or at other people (sometimes taking passive forms).
Important! Refusal of self-affirmation, the absence of such a need indicate that a person does not accept himself and (or) has difficulties with socialization.
Need for recognition
Photo by Jorge Fakhouri Filho: Pexels
Recognition is what every person needs. From childhood, a child craves recognition. While he does not identify himself as a separate person, he longs for complete recognition through his mother's love and attention.
Then he wants recognition from his father, other significant adults, teachers, friends. A child brings a drawing to his mother not so much so that she gives an objective assessment, but so that his mother recognizes his merits.
How to assert yourself
As we have already noted, healthy self-affirmation is the disclosure of personal potential. That is, a person must understand what he is capable of and what he wants. It is also important to understand what the subject wants to do in life, what he is ready to give to the world and how the world is ready to help him.
How to understand yourself? A good place to start is by identifying your interests, values, and abilities. If you cannot make a list yourself through self-analysis, then use diagnostic techniques. For example, you can use the following tests:
- Diagnostics of personal creativity, author – E.E. Tunic. The technique allows you to determine the degree of development of curiosity, imagination, complexity (craving for solving complex but interesting problems), and propensity to take risks.
- All kinds of intelligence tests. That is, not only the well-known Eysenck IQ test, but also a test of social intelligence, musical, physical, etc.
- Methodology of M. Rokeach “Value orientations”. Helps determine the presence and expression of basic human values.
Terminal values determined by Rokeach’s technique:
- active active life;
- life wisdom;
- health;
- interesting job;
- the beauty of nature and art;
- Love;
- financially secure life;
- having good and loyal friends;
- public acceptance;
- cognition;
- productive life;
- development;
- entertainment;
- Liberty;
- happy family life;
- happiness of others;
- creation;
- self confidence.
Instrumental values that Rokeach’s methodology defines:
- accuracy;
- good manners;
- high demands;
- cheerfulness;
- diligence;
- independence;
- intolerance to shortcomings;
- education;
- responsibility;
- rationalism;
- self-control;
- courage;
- strong will;
- tolerance;
- honesty;
- sensitivity;
- open-mindedness;
- efficiency in business.
You can use several tests or just one. For example, you can use the Cattell Multidimensional Personality Inventory. With its help, you will create your portrait based on 16 factors:
- isolation - sociability;
- properties of intelligence (intellectual abilities);
- emotional stability – emotional instability;
- subordination - dominance;
- restraint - expressiveness;
- high compliance with general norms in behavior – low compliance of behavior with norms;
- timidity - courage;
- cruelty - sensitivity;
- gullibility - suspicion;
- practicality - dreaminess;
- straightforwardness - diplomacy;
- calm – anxiety;
- conservatism - radicalism;
- conformism - nonconformism;
- high level of self-control – low level of self-control;
- relaxation - tension.
You need to get to know yourself, know, understand and accept yourself. Remember what you once wanted to do. Think about what your soul is reaching out to now. Think about what can reconcile you with society, become a bridge between your individuality and the norms of the world around you. Many people find themselves in some profession and assert themselves in their work, becoming masters of their craft.
Developing your self while maintaining interest in others
Constructive type of self-affirmation. A person strives for self-discovery through the development of his own personality. Such self-affirmation is a natural process for a person seeking to realize himself in society. Constructive self-affirmation is important for the individual, as it is a motivating factor for self-realization. Self-realization is one of the main tasks of personality development. This means that a person is doing what he loves, he has succeeded in his profession and family. I found love and discovered my creative abilities.
The concept of self-realization is sometimes confused with the concept of social success, although they are not the same thing. In the public consciousness, the understanding of success is determined by material security, popularity, and power. Self-realization is the disclosure of natural data, one’s purpose.
Self-disclosure of personality is not always successful in all areas of activity. At each age it has its own characteristics. For example, there are cases where physically weak teenagers achieved high results in sports. This age is especially characterized by the need for self-affirmation. And his best side is his hard work on himself. Adults assert themselves in their profession. In this case, a person reveals his abilities without denying other personalities; the essence of his self-affirmation is the ascent to higher levels of development. Finding oneself in a new quality, a new role at each specific time (age) stage.
With the constructive type of self-affirmation, a person himself determines how to establish himself in society and gain confidence in the value of his self. Women are characterized by self-affirmation in the role of mother, wife, and housewife. Male wealth is determined by success in social and professional activities.
A successful person can do a lot for others, but his success may not bring him a sense of self-satisfaction. A self-realized person is a happy person. These two concepts are not at all mutually exclusive. Some people manage to combine both social success and personal fulfillment.
Denial of self
At first glance, self-denial is the opposite concept of self-affirmation. After all, this is a kind of renunciation of oneself, alienation from one’s own individuality. A person considers himself weak, and in order to overcome this, he mentally joins someone else, stronger, and ultimately transfers his qualities to himself.
In this situation, he lives not his own life, but someone else’s, and identifies himself with his idol. As a result, he develops those personality traits that are characteristic of the hero he has chosen. Behavior strategies change accordingly. This is how fans of famous people behave, fans of celebrities who are ready to change both their appearance and character, losing their individuality. Self-denial is typical for teenagers who strive to imitate some famous actor, athlete, or musician.
According to psychologists, each person, asserting himself, has in his arsenal options for behavioral strategies. They are studied in order to classify personality types in the process of self-affirmation, determine the reasons for choosing a particular strategy, and understand the mechanisms of self-affirmation. If a person adheres to only one strategy of self-affirmation, then he feels certain psychological problems, which can be difficult to understand. But for the most part, their essence comes down to the inability to communicate and build relationships with people.
Observing people's behavior, psychologists note the ability to refuse as one of the mechanisms of self-affirmation. People with different behavioral strategies say “no” differently. A person of the first type of behavior says “no” peremptorily, not allowing the free expression of the will of another person. A person of the constructive type of self-affirmation justifies his refusal, gives arguments, explains why things are this way and not otherwise. A person prone to self-denial cannot say “no.” He experiences psychological problems because he is often forced to do things he doesn't want to do.
