Greetings to all! When visiting women's forums, I often come across questions: why don't I fall in love? Where can you read about the psychology of love? I want to love and be loved. What surprises me most at the present time is that very beautiful girls, who stand out for their wisdom and seriousness of thought, are preoccupied with such questions. Men are ready to run after such ladies throughout their lives. I remember the proverb: don’t be born beautiful, but be born happy, you see, it’s very relevant in this example.
There is some truth in the proverb. I agree that external attractiveness will help a person less in life, unlike happiness. Plus, you can be born with a beautiful appearance, and people strive for this to be happy. For many people, happiness equals a state of love.
Reason 1. There are more interesting things to do
This sounds especially counterintuitive to those who view romantic relationships as incredibly valuable.
Is there really anything more exciting in the world than hugs and suffering? A survey by the British Pregnancy Advisory Service found that among British 16-18 year olds, family and education are much more important than sex and romantic relationships. 82% consider a career and higher education to be the greatest value, and not all this worldly stuff. If you are good-looking and intellectually gifted, why waste your energy on mental torment? Expertise and professionalism may be more attractive. If you want to build a rocket or make millions, then it’s understandable why you have no time for dating - you just have another leading activity. Nowhere is it written that we should devote our lives to the race for other people's genitals and spiritual unity, if there is writing, airplanes and anime.
Does non-reciprocal love mean that a person is bad?
If you fall in love but are not reciprocated, the thought that you are not good enough often arises. In fact, the lack of mutual love does not indicate how good you are at all. You simply do not meet the criteria of the person you liked. This is neither good nor bad, it just happens that way. However, there are probably people for whom you will be the most ideal, even if you don’t change anything about yourself.
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In other words, there will always be people in this world who like you, who are ready to fall in love with you, who will be indifferent and even unpleasant to you. This happens to all people. If you want reciprocity, you have only one behavior left - to look for a person who will like you and who will like you. Otherwise there will be no reciprocity.
Reason 2. Still not over the previous romance
It is very difficult to be charmed by a new person when your former passion is in front of your eyes. Here you are going to a party, and here you are being treated together for another autumn cold. The soul is torn like nylon tights on a drunk woman. You can try to meet someone on Tinder, but every swipe feels like a slight betrayal. It’s like you’re stuck between two worlds: just yesterday you were happy, but you no longer hope for a call at night.
After a breakup, it can be so scary and difficult that the psyche uses all its strength to prevent this from happening again. As soon as a curious object appears on the horizon, an alarm starts blaring in your head at the highest frequencies.
When the boundaries of contact are burned, it is very difficult to trust again: what if they leave you again or reject you, or even worse?
Data from the American Psychological Association confirms that the breakup of a relationship that could develop into marriage has a critical impact on partners and reduces adaptation to later life. The simpler and more unambiguous the relationship, the easier it is to return to the starting point, but sometimes getting used to life without a partner can take more than one year.
Example from Hollywood
