Open relationships: should you embark on this adventure?

, relationships without obligations are especially popular.

, requiring less responsibility and making the lives of partners brighter. This type of relationship is relevant both for married couples and for single unmarried people. The younger and older generations are getting married less often; instead, they prefer to live together without stamps in their passports. The article will talk about the features of open relationships, their positive and negative aspects, as well as how this type of relationship can preserve love for each other or even marriage.

What is an open relationship

Let's figure out what an open relationship means . This is the name for a type of relationship between a man and a woman that does not involve any obligations to each other. In such a relationship, it is acceptable to date different people at the same time and engage in flirtation or sexual intercourse with them. For some, such relationships are beyond moral standards, but for others they can save a marriage.

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In a relationship without commitment, the couple does not think about marriage and children. Members of a relationship can go on a date with another person at any time. For example, a guy in the presence of his girlfriend can call another and flirt with her, but there should be no jealousy or scandals. Two partners are allowed to meet with the opposite sex.

The idea of ​​independence from a partner may arise during a period of difficulties or misunderstandings. The decision to enter into a relationship without commitment usually occurs among married couples or among the younger generation who are not able to understand the value of relationships. Independence between a couple can be both positive and negative. There are several types of open relationships, which will be discussed below.

When the problems start

Freedom in marriage is the opportunity to go beyond the generally accepted framework of relationships. But this does not mean at all that this opportunity will be used. As long as the spouses strictly follow their rules, there are no problems in their relationship.

Problems sometimes begin before a scandal breaks out. It often happens that one of the spouses makes concessions to his other half and in his heart does not at all approve of this format of family life. Discontent is brewing, reaching its climax at one fine moment.

Thus, the first reason for the breakdown of a marriage is the unpreparedness of one of the spouses for this format of living together. Other reasons include:

• uncontrollable jealousy: you seem to have agreed and are using this freedom yourself, but jealousy gnaws at you from the inside;
• violation of agreements and rules;
• the emergence of feelings for another;
• feeling of relationship instability;
• neglect of contraception;
• pressure from relatives and society - this format of relationships cannot be called generally accepted;
• interference of a lover or mistress in your relationship - they may not believe that you allow each other to cheat;
• the emergence of new circumstances, for example, serious illness, injury, birth of a child.

As an example of successful experience of open relationships, perhaps, we can cite the traditional family model in Islam. This is not an entirely free relationship between husband and wife, but it would be a stretch to call it that. A man has the right to have several wives and many concubines. But behind this right is the responsibility to provide every woman with a decent standard of living. He cannot single out one of his wives and spend time with her; it is prohibited to deprive others.

But women do not have such rights. A wife can only create comfort at home, give birth to children from her husband and raise them.

And one more thing - in such families, girls are initially raised in such a way that they should become good wives when they grow up. However, they will not be the only ones with their husbands.

Despite such an uneven distribution of freedoms, women are protected. And this protection more than compensates for the lack of opportunity to even communicate with other men. For example, if a husband dies, the husband’s family takes care of the woman and her children.

Types of relationships without obligations

Open relationships are divided into two main types: full and partial. Their difference lies in the conditions imposed. Thus, complete free relationships imply absolute freedom of action. Partial ones involve prohibitions, for example, it is allowed to meet others, but it is forbidden to have sexual intercourse with them. The main condition for such a relationship is the absence of feelings of jealousy.

There are also other types of relationships without obligations, which will be discussed below. Guest marriage involves meetings of married people based on sex. Also, free people who have common goals can participate in a guest marriage. The next type is friendly sex. In order not to waste time looking for a stable relationship, you can have sexual intercourse with a close person - a friend.

There is another type - polyamory . This type of open relationship is that spouses jointly enter into intimate relationships with other people. In other words, in such a relationship, a married couple is looking for another couple or person to have sex with them and get new sensations.

What types of it exist 2

In addition to the officially recognized and registered marriage in the registry office, historians and specialists identify several types of marriage.

1. The very first is a church union held and consecrated by a representative of the religion approved in the country. In a number of countries it is recognized at the legislative level and given legal force.
2. A civil union is a union formalized by government authorities; this is the legal marriage they are accustomed to. It should not be confused with cohabitation.
3. Temporary - it is determined by a specific period of time, strictly prescribed in the marriage contract. It also states the amount of the bride price, and other points, including the fact that after a certain period, the relationship between husband and wife ends.
4. A guest union is a registered union when the spouses themselves do not maintain a common household and live separately, often in different countries. It is often signed by acquaintances living in different countries for travel without obstacles. Read in detail what a guest marriage is here.
5. Snack marriage. Taking into account the considerable lack of time, many do not particularly want to build close relationships with their chosen one or chosen one. But the couple meets 1-2 times a week, a month for the sake of good time and sex.
6. A virtual union is a form of relationship that is formalized via the Internet, registered on a special website. It is not equated to official relations, but with all this, it is accepted and recognized in society.

And the last one is a free or open union itself, when a partner has a lover on his side, and such a connection is not particularly hidden. And that’s exactly what we’ll talk about next.

Read everything you need to know about how to live in a civil marriage and not turn into an eternal bride in the article at the link.

Principles and conditions of open relationships

The principles are mainly about not violating personal boundaries. In such relationships there is no control over the partner, there are no resentments in case of betrayal. In this type of relationship, it is acceptable to flirt with the opposite sex and schedule dates with a partner. Let's look at the basic principles of independent relationships.

• Freedom. You don't have to be faithful to each other, you can date multiple people and do whatever you want.
• Less interaction. In an open relationship, it is not necessary to see each other and communicate every day; meetings occur at the request of both parties.
• There is no need to attend events together. Shopping, going to the cinema, meeting friends is done without a partner.
• There is no need to think about each other's feelings. Both partners can do whatever they want, including cheating and kissing the other person in front of their partner.
• No control. In an open relationship, there are no constant calls and messages; the partner does not care about the state of the opposite sex and is not interested in his affairs.

The conditions for a no-strings-attached relationship are that the man and woman should not control or be jealous of each other. Usually the couple agrees on the days on which they will spend time together. For such a relationship to exist, both partners must fulfill the rights established by them, and if they are violated, separation is possible. Open relationships in psychology are considered as a way of avoiding responsibility for current events.

Women's point of view

Women are more monogamous than the stronger sex. Of course, the feminist movement has been gaining popularity recently, however, it has not been able to curb the desire of girls to get married. What does this term mean for beautiful young ladies? Why do they agree to this? Psychology identifies several main reasons:

1. The man cheated. One day a girl meets a handsome prince, falls in love with him, and accepts all his words as truth. Here the sly man begins to start talking about the delights of an open relationship, giving a bunch of arguments in their favor. Having trusted him, she herself does not notice how she falls into their network.
2. The woman is cheating. This is the reverse of the first case. The lady herself gives freedom without making any claims. But a wise woman will only first give imaginary freedom, and then she will envelop him in deceit and drag him into the registry office.
3. I was deceived in my expectations. This happens too. The wife herself is thinking about a serious relationship and decided to conduct an experiment to see if she likes this format more than the traditional one. Moreover, usually such ladies were disappointed more than once. In reality, such freedom becomes a cage for a representative of the fair half of humanity who dreams of mutual love.

Signs

Relationships without obligations are visible from the outside. Looking at a person, you can understand whether he is in a free relationship with the opposite sex or not. Signs of an open relationship are expressed in the fact that someone is caring for a person, but not on an ongoing basis, the partner does not try to cement the relationship and does not think about the future. This type of relationship can also be recognized by the following signs:

• The opposite sex does not think about the future, does not make joint plans.
• You appear in public places with different people.
• The partner does not try to seal the relationship with marriage.
• In relationships, cheating and communicating with girls or men are acceptable.
• Your partner will not rush to introduce you to family and friends.
• Talking about family and the future provokes negativity or is postponed until later.
• Agreement. A man and a woman agree that they can date others, do whatever they want, and not be reproached.

Questions to ask each other if you decide to choose freedom in a relationship:

№1

Is it allowed to be with the same person twice?

№2

Is it possible to communicate with your lover later as with a friend? Or is only physical intimacy allowed?

№3

How will we protect ourselves? Is this necessary?

№4

Is it permissible for a partner to meet the object of affection? If yes, under what circumstances? Is it possible to bring a third person into the house?

№5

What to do if your lover/mistress starts showing their complaints? What should I say?

And much more... Without discussing every important nuance that interests you, it will be difficult to protect yourself from conflicts.

pros

Relationships without commitment cause two reactions: some people believe that they are completely acceptable, while others are categorically against such relationships. As mentioned above, the main advantage is that partners do not owe each other anything. If problems arise between a couple, it means that the relationship goes beyond free. An open relationship between a man and a woman has its positive aspects:

• There is no need to make excuses for being late from work and asking for time off to sit with friends at the bar.
• You don’t have to worry about meeting your other half’s family, since such an event will not happen.
• An open relationship is an experience that will change your understanding of relationships.
• A no-strings-attached relationship will allow you to understand what you want from your partner. In other words, you will be able to understand that you need love and care, and not rare meetings.
• You don't have to be in a serious relationship to get communication and intimacy.
• Freedom of action, you can date several people at the same time.
• The beginning of an open relationship causes a storm of emotions, that is, such relationships are a kind of game.
• You will be able to gain new feelings by being able to date multiple partners.
• You are not dependent on your significant other.
• There is no need to worry about everyday problems, since there are none in an open relationship.
• There is no need to cook food for two every day and think about how to spend time together.
• You can do any business without being judged by your man (woman).
• Freedom is limitless.
• There is no dependence on each other.
• If you understand the essence of an open relationship, there will be no pain from betrayal.

Where to begin

Any open relationship must begin with honesty and openness. Partners must express their own desires and needs as accurately and concisely as possible. This will save the man and woman from unnecessary conflicts and unforeseen situations. It is mutual and complete trust that is the key component of communication without obligations.

Strict rules will help avoid quarrels and misunderstandings

Partners should talk about even the most unpleasant things, since deliberately hushing up problems will lead to the collapse of the romance. Under no circumstances should you adhere to such a model of behavior solely in the interests of your other half.

Minuses

The desire to have an open relationship is often not true, especially among men. In a relationship without commitment, the male sex may experience jealousy, as a sense of ownership arises. Women can also feel discomfort, which causes conflicts between partners. The disadvantages of independent relationships are:

• The pride of one of the partners, which can cause jealousy towards other people.
• If a woman dreams of starting a family, then such a relationship will not allow her to achieve what she wants.
• An open relationship can end at any time.
• Partners have the right to date several people in front of their significant other.
• Sexually transmitted diseases are possible, since your partner has sexual intercourse not only with you.
• Condemnation from loved ones.
• You cannot trust your partner and hope for help in any matter.
• For a woman in an open relationship, there is a threat of becoming a single mother.
• If you develop serious feelings for your partner, you will not be able to create a marriage.
• In an open relationship, you can fall in love with your partner, but a strong relationship will not work out, since the opposite sex does not count on them.
• People become further apart, common interests disappear.

Swing: many partners, but one love

Swing is a whole lifestyle, according to its adherents.
People from the circle do not accept the phrase “partner exchange.” This is not a sales transaction, but an open dialogue between both parties about a variety of sexual activities. Proponents of the position argue that the approach can satisfy everyone without undermining relationships. Unlike the betrayal we talked about earlier. Swingers have a negative view of her - there should be no secrets in a couple. They choose partners together and discuss all the details. The process itself takes place in different ways: with the participation of couples, as well as singles and triplets. In short, experiment as you wish, the main thing is that your boyfriend or girlfriend participates in the act. Swinging is about sex, not relationships. However, not everyone is able to join this club. Psychological barriers are the main obstacle, so you should offer such initiatives only when you are sure that everything is fine in your couple. However, even after receiving consent, do not lose your vigilance. It is possible that the approving nod is made from the position of the victim. Like, if he wants it, then he can try it, I’ll endure it. If such a situation arises, then both of you will probably not get a positive experience from swinging, and besides, it could change your relationship forever - not for the better. If you feel that this is not for you, then there is no need to insist. Most psychologists are neutral about swinging, but sometimes the practice is mistaken for a deviation - if a person is not able to get excited otherwise. In fact, it is a combination of voyeurism and exhibitionism. However, if a person does not reject traditional forms of sex, then he is healthy. By the way, not all deviations are worth treating.

Who is an open relationship suitable for?

Relationships of this type are suitable for young people who want to understand what kind of partner they need for a serious relationship. By meeting different people, you can understand which human qualities are the most valuable, and what kind of attitude towards an individual is acceptable. Also, a relationship without obligations may be suitable for a married couple in which there is an understanding that feelings for each other have begun to fade. Open relationships in the family can not only destroy it, but also strengthen the marriage. Partners will be able to compare each other with other people and understand that the spouse is better.

Relationships without commitment may be suitable for people who are deprived of attention and who do not have the opportunity to have sexual intercourse with a regular partner. For people who are constantly busy with work, open relationships are a lifesaver in obtaining sexual needs, since short-term meetings without obligations significantly save time. Open relationships are suitable for people who are not ready to start a family, bear responsibility and have certain obligations.

Sologamy and marriage with a tree

While some strive to surround themselves with a large number of partners, others practice sexual and marital asceticism. Why waste money, energy and emotions when you can trust the one who knows you best - yourself. Single marriage is called sologamy. If it seems to you that this is the highest form of selfishness, then you are mistaken. American writer Sasha Kagen loudly declares:

“It’s terrible when people think that deciding to marry yourself is selfish and abandoning the relationship. Sologamy is the opposite of narcissism. When you take the time to truly love yourself, you begin to treat others with love."

This can be disputed as much as you like, but one thing is clear: these people are quite happy alone with themselves. However, it is very difficult for them to find a place where the union will be officially registered. In Russia, the practice is not legalized, which means you will have to live in a civil marriage with your reflection. If this does not suit you and you want to ring yourself, then you will have to wait for the Constitution to be changed.

By the way, if you can’t find your person, and you feel nauseous from yourself, then here’s an idea: marry the subject. Is that possible? Legally, no, but in fact, everything is permitted. This is how Peruvian activist Richard Torres married trees. Log jokes aside! The guy thus draws attention to environmental problems. Torres, in addition, practices polyamory - an extremely progressive man. The idea of ​​relationships with inanimate objects was especially active after the film “Her”, where in the plot Joaquin Phoenix built a relationship with the operating system. You can try it too - Siri and Alice from Yandex are always at your disposal.

Can an open relationship help save a marriage?

Open relationships in marriage usually cause negative reactions, since in such relationships cheating occurs. However, this type of relationship can save a family. Many psychologists argue that a strong marriage is not possible without cheating. This is explained by the fact that sexual interest is fading, and in order to awaken it, it is worth experiencing new sensations with another person. Basically, marriage relationships begin with mutual sympathy, but everyday life can destroy old feelings.

Men who are married and have children do not receive intimacy, so entering into a relationship without obligations will help avoid divorce. Married women, having started a relationship with another person in agreement with their husband, will be able to realize the value of their marriage partner or, on the contrary, understand that this is not their person.

The first point of view is that open relationships can save a marriage, thanks to new experiences and sensations. Let's move on to the second negative side of open relationships in marriage. Not all married people are ready to share their partner with others, which can cause the relationship to be dissolved. The partner may not tolerate constant betrayal and communication with the opposite sex, which will bring suffering. Most women, having heard from their husband about an offer to enter into a relationship without obligations, leave him.

If you start to doubt your partner and want to check his social networks, use profile analysis on social networks. You will certainly learn useful information for yourself.

People aged 35 to 50 years old in most cases get divorced after finding out that their spouse has another partner on the side. The topic of open relationships is popular in modern times. Some categories of people approve of such relationships, and some condemn this type of relationship. Having entered into a relationship without obligations, you need to know about its rules and consequences so as not to be disappointed in the future. It is worth remembering that such relationships have their positive and negative sides. Whether or not to create an open relationship is everyone’s choice.

Pros and cons of relationships “without fetters”

Any form of relationship between people has its advantages and disadvantages. Even if both participants in a “no strings” relationship find it ideal, it is not ideal and carries hidden threats to the marriage.

The advantages of liberal relations include the following:

• diversity in communication and intimate relationships. Traditional marriage involves monogamy, whereas man is essentially polygamous. Cheating in marriage is burdened with pangs of conscience and fear of exposure. An open marriage ensures the realization of hidden desires with complete psychological comfort;
• freedom of partners. Classic marriage is often compared to shackles, a cage, and nets. Transformation of relationships helps to avoid feelings of limitation, isolation and allows you to combine a sense of freedom with family comfort;
• There are no misunderstandings, secrets or deception between partners; there is no need to “spy”, read messages on phones, or invent imaginary business trips.

The disadvantages of an open marriage are:

• Often the desire for freedom is expressed by one of the partners, and the other is forced to accept these conditions and experience the situation in the hope that one day everything will change. It is difficult to call these relationships harmonious; they are associated with suffering and conflicts, which often leads to divorce;
• abuse of freedom. A situation is possible when a feeling of excessive freedom forces a spouse to violate established restrictions, and they plunge headlong into casual romances, forgetting about family obligations. Often there are also love relationships with permanent intimate partners on the side, leading to a break in marriage;
• negative assessment of this kind of unions from society. Even if partners are satisfied with everything and they find their union ideal, they often encounter interference from parents, friends and acquaintances. Constant reproaches can even lead to the separation of people who love each other.

It is an undeniable fact that a free model of behavior carries hidden threats to the union. The couple must understand this and be willing to risk their relationship to a certain extent.

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