In this article we will tell you:
- Signs of a relationship crisis
- Crises by years of marriage
- Solving Relationship Problems
- Tips on how to improve your relationship with your husband after a quarrel
- 10 tips for strengthening family relationships
Marriage is a union built on mutual understanding, respect and love. To become truly family, it is not enough to visit the registry office and register your family. You need to go through a difficult path, full of not only romance and happiness, but also difficulties. No couple is perfect. Each has its own story. Those who have been together for decades are admired.
How did they manage to maintain warmth in the family and increase their love? Is this really that rare type of couple where there is nothing to quarrel about? This only happens in films. It is impossible to avoid conflicts: they were, are and will always be as long as human relationships exist. Problems in a relationship with your husband are absolutely normal. And every loving, caring and wise woman can solve them.
Reasons why relationships deteriorate
Have you ever been disappointed that your husband turned out to be an uninteresting conversationalist, earns little, loves fishing or football too much, etc.? Many people think that any of these reasons can be called destructive for relationships. And few people conduct a somewhat deeper analysis. After all, all this is actually not a cause, but a consequence.
Let's dig deeper.
- The first reason is psychological. The selfish child in us awakens and we begin to demand unconditional love. My parents gave it to me. The partner cannot give this. We feel discomfort from this and look for reasons: he gives the wrong gifts, is irresponsible, spends a lot of time outside the home...
- In principle, any problems in a relationship begin with omissions. Or, conversely, too harsh statements. Lost trust leads to a major crack. Incomprehensible calls, mysterious messages, strangers in your partner’s life - if you don’t discuss this, a whole bunch of needles accumulates, poking holes in your relationship.
- Excessive desire to please everyone. One day, the wife, looking at herself in the mirror, will note that she looks, to put it mildly, unimportant. Is it the husband's fault? Most likely not, because either she took upon herself all these worries only after getting married.
- Jealousy and lack of intimacy or variety in it. By constantly showing jealousy, you create an invisible cage from which you want to escape. Not necessarily in bed with someone else. Maybe at first just to ease the soul. Well, if the listener is of the opposite sex, and even shows obvious sympathy, and your intimate life is completely “not ice”... Is it worth continuing?
We fight all the time!
Quarrels arise in any relationship. In a way, this is even good. Such shocks encourage us to change and improve ourselves. But when arguing becomes a daily ritual, something needs to change.
Try to understand what pushes you to quarrel. Is this exactly what you are fighting about? Maybe the fact is that you are tired or there are problems at work, your boss scolded you. And now you come home and throw out negative emotions on the first person you come across?
If your answer is yes, then you need to work on yourself. Learn to rebuff your boss if the boss is outright wrong. If you are tired, then say so: “Honey, I’m endlessly tired. Today was just a crazy day at work. Let me not wash the dirty dishes, but just lie around with you and watch a movie?” Such words of yours motivate your husband much more strongly to help you with the housework than another reproach that he does nothing. Just compare: “Oh, how tired I am of this! Every day the same thing! I'm already tired of these endless dirty dishes. Don’t you have any hands to help me?” Believe me, your husband doesn’t always please his boss and gets tired at work.
And if your answer is no, then please think about whether the subject of your quarrel is worth the conflict itself? Maybe it’s better to lower your emotions and talk calmly? It is unlikely that your husband hates you so much that he deliberately litters or dirty dishes. You just put things in order and spend time and effort on it, but disorder appears by itself. Take care of yourself, if you are tired, then you should not do spring cleaning now, it will wait.
Women's mistakes
I love being in the park and watching couples. For example, I recently saw the magical transformation of a pretty girl into an evil fury when her boyfriend stopped looking at another for a second. To me, a wise woman knows when to pick up a conversation, when to make a little joke, and when it’s better to just pretend that nothing happened.
But really, what happened? For a split second, the man showed his characteristic quality as a hunter - he assessed the potential prey. A violent negative reaction to a man’s fleeting glance at another is an indicator of your lack of self-confidence. Have you noticed this trait in yourself? So it's time to work on your self-esteem! Men rarely cheat on women who are confident in themselves and in him.
Common mistake No. 2 leading to a crisis is limiting his personal space. If a man is not in the mood to talk, give him the right to enjoy being alone. And then realize how lucky he is to have you, so understanding.
Another common typical female mistake is relaxation. This is when “everything is fine, the period of romance has passed, why shave your legs or get a manicure again?” You do all the self-care procedures for yourself, and then for him. By forgetting about them, you make it clear: honey, I stopped loving myself, and you can do that with me.
And a few more points from the rating of female mistakes:
- Lack of social life outside of relationships.
- Quiet demonstrative resentment with the answer “Nothing” to the question “What happened?”
- Grumbling and constant negativity.
- Constant attempts to change it.
A wise woman will never remind you of a man's shortcomings. But the phrase “I love it when you...” works wonders. Do not skimp on praise - this is the only way you will arouse in him the desire to do what you like.
None of us have changed
Living together requires constant work on yourself. This is a long, complex, and most importantly never-ending process. There is a misconception that men marry with the belief that “she will never change.” And women, in turn, get married with the thought that “I will definitely change him.”
But we are who we are. Some character and behavior flaws can be corrected, but this requires desire and effort. But some aspects of behavior cannot be corrected by anything. The most common example is men who leave their dirty socks on the floor for decades instead of taking them to the laundry basket for washing. And how many scandals have been re-scandalized, how many quarrels have been exchanged, but the socks remain in their illegal place.
Therefore, we should have thought earlier. Now we only have what we have. And all that remains is to honestly and sincerely decide for yourself: are you ready to put up with such a shortcoming? The aggravating circumstance for you is that you knew about it before the wedding.
How to improve relationships
Start by eliminating unnecessary emotional stress. By accumulating negativity and concentrating attention on it, we block access to positive events. Break out of the vicious circle. Did your husband come in in a bad mood and did it rub off on you?
Don’t give in, act unexpectedly: take pity on him if he’s tired, feed him a heartily cooked dinner, give him a relaxing foot massage, give him aromatic tea with relaxing additives - there are a lot of options, choose the one that suits you. Learn to enjoy it. Believe me, your spouse will not remain in debt and will want to do something nice for you too.
Is it difficult to cross the threshold of grievances? Turn on cheerful music while preparing dinner or a room for romance, eat chocolate or citrus, which also helps change your mood towards the positive.
What do we have to do
If you have forgotten about yourself, then why do you demand that your husband continue to admire you as before? The best time to take care of yourself is now. It’s a benefit for you, it’s a pleasure for him. Take off your washed robe, put away your worn sweatpants and a T-shirt with a cool inscription, undo the bun on your head and feel like a luxurious woman.
A beautiful fairy can inspire a man to greater feats than a displeased, snorting, tired horse. This is also useful because you will shift your focus from family problems to something beautiful.
By the way, about inspiration. Inspiring a man is a woman’s direct responsibility. This is one of the surest ways to give him the opportunity to feel like a man and see a fragile woman in you. After all, only a weak woman next to him makes a man strong. This is inherent in us by nature; when the balance is disturbed, relationships begin to sway from side to side.
Helping your spouse row does not mean taking the oars yourself. Don't pinch off pieces of his self-confidence with caustic criticism. You just have to give him strength, demonstrating your unshakable confidence: what and how he does is the best that could be thought of in this situation.
I suggest watching a video on the topic:
What not to do
How many sayings exist about the creative and destructive power of words. And for good reason. For example, constant repetition of phrases like “I told you so” can ultimately destroy a marriage. What else you shouldn't do if you want to improve your relationship:
- Remind about mistakes.
- Ask single friends for advice.
- Complain and blame him for things you knew about before marriage (spends a lot, doesn’t show imagination in bed, doesn’t have a sense of humor, etc.)
- Forget about romance, especially if there are children.
- Compare with Katyukha’s husband, who, as always, did a great job: he arranged shopping for his beloved, and sat with the children, and pleased her with a new necklace.
In addition, stories about the daily mischief of children contribute to cooling. This is not about serious things that both parents should pay attention to. But when he comes home from work tired, you shouldn’t finish off by saying that Dimka broke the plate again, and Masha took out the lipstick again and painted on the wall. If you need to vent, call a friend who also has children. She will understand better, and maybe even give good advice.
And one more thing: never, hear, never say the phrase “You don’t love me at all.” Replace it with the more neutral words of a defenseless woman: “Darling, I feel lonely now. I know that you are very busy at work, but I miss your attention, your touches, our walks in our park and frank conversations.”
The goose is not a friend to the pig
Sometimes you can meet couples who, at first glance, are completely unsuitable for each other. People get married and start a family under the influence of passion, falling in love, or unexpected pregnancy. But at these moments they are not guided by reason.
If you are too different people in terms of upbringing, education, and temperament, then it will be difficult for you to get along, but possible. This requires a tremendous effort. Let's imagine the situation and decide how the heroes should act.
Katya came from the village to the regional center. Her goal is to do her best to gain a foothold in the city and marry a wealthy man. She finds a job and meets a suitable person, whose name is Peter. At this moment, she views him as a sponsor, a benefactor, but not as a man with his own character and his characteristics.
Katya is young and attractive, she laughs loudly. easy to climb. Of course, she attracts Peter's attention, and they begin a relationship. Katya is not a fool, she understands that Peter is blinded by her beauty and does not notice or does not want to notice her low level of knowledge. She realizes that she doesn't measure up to him. But nevertheless, she decided to try her luck and, as if by accident, became pregnant. Peter marries her, and soon a charming baby Vika is born.
What should she do next? She has nothing to talk about with her husband except about the achievements of her little daughter. Katya understands that getting married is half the battle; you need to preserve the family hearth.
How can she be better than hundreds of other girls in the eyes of her husband? How do you think? Let's ignore the fact that she is the mother of his child; this is not an achievement that can keep a man. First, she makes the house clean and comfortable, she knows how to do this very well. She cooks well and constantly surfs the Internet in search of new and interesting recipes. That is, even sitting at home with the child, she grows up like a housewife.
But this is not enough for Peter. His wife must periodically appear with him in society. And then Katya realizes that she has neither a prestigious education nor a secular upbringing. And Katya uses the Internet again. She finds lists of books that are required reading for an educated person, and she definitely reads them in order to at least be aware of the plot. She is learning the basics of etiquette.
She watches TV, like most housewives. But she prefers business channels. She not only carefully follows the speech of the presenters and follows the news in order to understand what her husband is discussing.
That is, as you see, she is reaching out to his level with all her might. But if she thinks that it is enough that she gave birth to a child for her husband, then he will see how limited she is and does not strive for more.
Advice from psychologists
Experts advise talking less in a fit of anger, but be sure to discuss unpleasant situations after both partners have cooled down. The words that “if you had known (insert as appropriate), you would never have married him” is a painful blow to a man’s vanity. Just like women. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes: how would you like to be presented with information that something is bothering your partner about you?
Many psychologists say: no matter how much we deny it, we always need a little time alone. Not a single man wants to lose his wife, who will greet him with a tender kiss at the door, hug him warmly, and then give him 20 minutes to rest without overloading him with news, and during this time she will set the table. Be more attentive to your man (just without fanaticism) and you can be sure: soon pleasant surprises from your husband will await you!
What do you think, how can relationships between spouses be improved? Leave comments, share with friends, and subscribe for updates!
Misunderstanding with parents
All mothers love their sons. They put all their love and care into them. The beloved boy grows up, and his mother becomes second place for him. The son begins to take care of his family and listen to the advice of another woman. Against this background, problems may arise with the husband and his parents. The most common mistake many women make is trying to attract their husband’s attention. But under no circumstances should you come between mother and son.
It’s worth having a heart-to-heart talk with your mother-in-law, letting her know that you will love and care for her son no less than she does. It is also recommended to ask the secrets of cooking your spouse’s favorite dishes or ask her to help with choosing a gift for the next holiday; this act will definitely create a feeling of trust in your daughter-in-law.
Dilemma
One way or another, whatever the reasons for the desire of the fair half to leave her spouse, she always faces a dilemma at such moments: to fight for the marriage or start a new life by breaking the union. A choice will have to be made in any case - whether it was a temporary sensory-emotional clouding, or a desire to return to an ex suddenly appeared. “I don’t want to live with my husband” - such a statement by a woman requires a decision; it cannot remain without taking appropriate measures. She will have to either stop encouraging her husband and file for divorce, or leave her prejudices and try to improve relations with him.
Aggressive husband
The following question is often asked on women’s forums: “What to do if your husband is aggressive?” In some families, after marriage, the spouse becomes constantly angry and dissatisfied, and sometimes there is a feeling that the husband has problems with his head: he begins to make scandals out of nowhere or is always in tension. This is a rather complex problem that requires the intervention of a psychologist or psychotherapist.
But before you send your loved one to the hospital, it is worth understanding the reason for his aggressiveness. This may be due to overwork at work, or a lack or excess of testosterone in the body. Accordingly, in order to cope with this problem, you need:
- Give him full rest after a hard day. Do not burden him with household chores and endless conversations. Does your husband not talk about family problems? Save this conversation for the weekend.
- Create a cozy and calm environment in your home so that your spouse feels good in it. A man who comes home from work to a dirty apartment cannot help but be aggressive.
- Pamper your loved one with feminine affection. This will allow him to always maintain composure and feel great.
But there are several causes of aggression for which you need to see a doctor. For example, such are alcohol or drug abuse, male irritability syndrome.
Falling in love with another man
In the case when a woman is attracted to someone on the side and utters phrases like “I don’t want to live with my husband anymore,” the civil or legal marriage will most likely come to an end. Today we can often observe situations where men leave their wives, their children, their families. Many men live on two fronts: they love their family, but they seek joy in the bed of another woman. A different trend can be seen in the behavior of representatives of the fairer sex: if a woman falls in love with another, she will most likely leave her husband without hesitation. In such cases, there is no need to contact a psychologist - inspired by a new wave of feelings and fresh sensations, a girl in love will not stand on ceremony for long. And it’s completely in vain: often, without fully understanding their feelings, women subsequently regret what they did. Fleeting hobbies with other men can turn into just a temporary whim that you wanted to satisfy, and nothing more. Meanwhile, the marriage has already been destroyed.
Everyday problems
Since ancient times, there has been an opinion that a man is obliged to support his family, and his woman is obliged to keep the home. But the modern world has changed the existing stereotypes. Now representatives of the fair half of humanity work on equal terms with their spouses. But in addition, many of them are responsible for maintaining a home, raising children and preparing meals.
What to do with a problem with your husband of a domestic nature? Of course, it’s worth giving him an ultimatum, explaining that you work together and should also do household chores together, explaining to him that you get as tired as he does.
An effective method is to create a schedule. For example, a husband's responsibilities include washing dishes, and a woman's responsibility is to cook. Or the husband does all household chores on even days, and the wife on odd days; this method is especially effective with a shift work schedule.
Where has the love gone?
When there are a lot of conflicts in a relationship, and the relationship is mired in mutual criticism, mockery, insults and discontent, then it seems that there is no more love. But it often happens that love is simply hidden behind criticism. She became invisible because you began to perceive the person as an absolute aggressor or hysterical, and behind all this nightmare you stopped seeing the person himself and what you loved him for.
Take a closer look. It's still him. Perhaps the reason you fell in love with him is still with him. Try to see it again. Try to see these qualities in each other together, and then you are likely to see and feel love again.
Ex-husband
Unfortunately, divorce statistics in our country are growing. Many women and men are unable to cope with all the trials of marriage and prefer to remain single. In this case, another problem arises - the ex-husband. How to communicate with him after a divorce and how to move on? Experienced psychologists offer several recommendations on this matter:
- In the first stages of separation, if the divorce has not yet been stamped, it is worth trying to save the relationship. Family is a lot of work, mutual understanding and respect for each other accumulates over the years. Is it worth breaking down so quickly what took a long time to build?
- If there is no possibility of saving the marriage, then you need to stop communicating with your ex-husband. You should delete his phone number and stop viewing his personal page. The past must be crossed out so that it does not interfere with building the future.
- Of course, if you have common children, it will be impossible to reduce communication to a minimum. What to do about the problem with your husband in this case? It is recommended to communicate calmly with him, but only on topics that concern children. After all, this is their father, and there is no point in making him an enemy and preventing communication.
It is not recommended to throw hysterics and scenes of jealousy at your ex-husband. In this case, you can only evoke in him a feeling of pity.
