In this article we will tell you:
- Is a family obligatory for an adult?
- Who better not to start a family?
The question “How to start a family?” Usually asked by people who do not have a life partner, are looking for new acquaintances and dream of finding love. In some cases, one of the partners (usually a man) may not be ready for a serious family relationship
When both people in a couple love and respect each other, have similar views and priorities, the question of how to start a family does not arise. You can think seriously about marriage and children only after you meet a suitable partner. Psychologists do not advise making creating a family the meaning and purpose of life, since in this case a person becomes obsessed with the idea, which usually does not lead to anything good.
What is family - its importance in human life
Have you ever thought about what a family is?
What is its meaning and what significance does it have in your life? From the school curriculum we remember that “the family is the social unit of society.” It is intuitively clear that a person is a social being, which means he always strives to be part of a group (class, team, friends, interest group, party). Few people are able to enjoy constant solitude. Probably only avid introverts.
Most are afraid of being alone in life and build close connections with people - this is due to the structure of our psyche at the level of instincts - what is it? It turns out that family is one of the ways to “be with someone, someone’s” in this world? Let's take a closer look.
Confidence
Family is where a person expects to trust and be trusted.
From childhood we are taught not to trust anyone: unfamiliar uncles, unfamiliar aunts, Santa Clauses and Snow Maidens, as well as the local police officer, who is not a local police officer at all and is not a policeman at all.
But that's not the point. From childhood we learn the model that we cannot trust anyone, even if we really want to. Therefore, life will definitely give us situations where we will become even more confirmed in this belief...
But inside we still want to at least trust someone. Of course, not everyone, but there must be someone who will not betray us and whom we will not betray. This is trust.
You get tired of seeing competitors, enemies, rivals and potential envious people everywhere. You want to trust another person and not make a mistake. You want to trust and be confident. This is what a good family can give us.
Photo: Depositphotos
History of the concept
According to scientists, initially wild people, descended from monkeys, lived in communities. The instinct of procreation prompted men (males) to fight among themselves for the right to own a woman (female), i.e. for having sexual relations with her. The latter allowed only the strongest and most active ones near them in order to have healthy offspring.
Mental evolution allowed men to understand that if they bring a “mammoth” to their chosen one and protect her from wild animals, then they can become her permanent partner. And while others were measuring their strength, the most cunning were hunting.
Women also changed their priorities: a permanent partner provided stability, protection, food, shelter and protection in return for her favor. This is how the first families began to appear, which over time changed their appearance and organization, acquired new conditions of existence, and internal responsibilities.
What is a family, from the point of view of Russian legislation
The main legal act regulating the situation of Russian families is the Family Code (FC) of the Russian Federation. It was adopted in 1995, but is regularly updated and supplemented with new provisions. The latest amendments to it date back to February 6, 2021.
A family is a circle of persons who are interconnected by certain rights and obligations arising from marriage, family ties, adoption or other forms of fostering children.
In the Russian updated Constitution, marriage relations were established exclusively as a union of a man and a woman (without options), and raising a child in the family became a priority direction of state policy.
Who is a family member
The concept of a family member is interpreted ambiguously by Russian legislation. So, according to paragraph 1 of Art. 31 of the Housing Code (LC) of the Russian Federation, family members include all persons living in the same territory as the owner, his children, spouse and parents. Based on Art. 2 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the family includes:
- spouses;
- parents and children (including adopted children).
The fact that you live together does not matter. At the same time, for example, the grandmother is not a family member for her grandson, although she belongs to his close relatives.
Children remain family members even after they reach adulthood. But there are some nuances: for example, children in a military family over 18 years of age, for the most part, according to the law “On the Status of Military Personnel,” are no longer part of the family.
Brothers and sisters are part of the family, but are recognized as close relatives.
Ex-wife or husband, cohabitants (so-called common-law spouses) are not family members.
Characteristic features of family legal relations
Characteristic features of family relationships are:
- Voluntariness.
- Gratuitous basis.
- Lasting character.
- Based on law and legal norms. In Russia, only marriages concluded in the civil registry office are recognized. The termination of a marriage occurs through the registry office or court.
- Inalienability: family rights are not transferable to third parties. The law defines the subject composition of the family: spouses, children and parents.
What is a family: interpretations of different sciences
Nowadays, there are several scientific movements that interpret differently what a family is. I would like to highlight three main interpretations that can more accurately convey the meaning of the term family:
- All sociologists are inclined to believe that by the concept of “family” they mean the union of two (marriage) or more people who are related by ordinary blood or they have legalized the relationship. Based on this, we can say that the spouses are already a family. If the newlyweds and their children live with mom and dad, then this is also a family.
- Psychologists have a slightly different concept of “family” from sociologists, because they argue that the term means a group of people who are connected not only by personal relationships, but also by common traditions (read about family traditions in the article), as well as interests. This view of what a family is is closer to most people, because in our time, legalized relationships in the registry office can be fictitious.
- For lawyers, everything is banal and simple, because people who live together and are connected by legal relations are a family, but on the condition that their marriage is formalized. In subsequent articles we will talk about the marriage contract, which is so important in elite social circles or simply the rich. If we take into account all the interpretations together, then we will get the most accurate answer to the question of what a family is. So it turns out that the term “family” means separate, but at the same time confirmed by the state. level of a cell of a civilized society, where partners are connected by similar interests (but not always), worldview (in some important points), some common goals, as well as a common way of life.
There are certain signs of a family:
- there are legal relations between the spouses, because the marriage must be registered in the registry office;
- cohabitation and common life;
- the presence in the family of common material assets that were acquired during their life together;
- there must be healthy relationships, as well as intimate relationships;
- the presence of children, but this sign does not apply to all families, because there are couples who fundamentally do not want to have offspring.
Karmic dependence
Upon reaching a certain age, a person’s worldview is formed in accordance with the standards of modern society. From the earliest years, almost everyone observes the development of the family institution, thanks to which a scheme for building their own life is gradually created in their subconscious. It would be great if any child had the opportunity to observe home comfort and warm relationships between parents from the very beginning of their journey. Perhaps then the most common problems among young people today would not arise, including the fear of starting a family, a hasty decision in choosing a partner, an irresponsible attitude towards already formed ties, and so on.
It is important to note that there is another opinion: often unfavorable conditions within the family give the child special motivation and the desire to overcome all this “darkness”, thanks to which he continues to build a life purely at his own discretion.
However, regardless of the circumstances presented, every person sooner or later falls in love, and often more than once. If the relationship brings comfort and a feeling of happiness to both partners (and it is different for everyone), the couple decides to seal it through marriage. Now the spouses have to work together to build their beautiful future. Now the two have a common goal - to be happy. This is why it is so important that energy relations know no boundaries. The stronger they are, the more satisfaction each spouse will receive from life.
What is family in simple words?
In everyday terms, a family represents people who live in the same territory. And in pre-revolutionary Russia, the number of family members was determined by the number of “eaters” dining at the same table.
The institution of family in our country has almost always been under close scrutiny. Marriage has historically been determined by secular and ecclesiastical law. In the modern system of family law, the definition of the word “family” looks like this - it is a circle of persons who are bound by rights and responsibilities on the basis of kinship, marriage and adoption.
What types of families are there?
There are a great many types of families, so scientists have combined them into a classification:
- By the number of partners - polygamous and monogamous.
- The first assume an unlimited number of partners, for example, Swedish families, where there are several women and men, or Eastern harems - there is one husband, but there can be many wives.
- In the second option there are always two people - a man and a woman. This type is considered traditional in our society; polygamy causes wild feelings and rejection in a Russian person, although the West is full of such happy families;
- Simple and nuclear:
- A simple family consists of a mother, father and children.
- Nuclear are those where several generations live, leading a common life. For example, mom, dad, their parents, grandparents and children. These are large clans that prefer to be together;
- The number of children divides families into childless, small (two children) and large (three or more children);
- By type of cohabitation: if a husband and wife live with the wife’s parents, then this is a matrilocal family. With the husband's parents - a patrilocal family. The neolocal type is a family living separately;
- Depending on the form of internal governance, families are divided into three types: matriarchy (the woman is in charge), patriarchy (the man runs everything) and democracy, where partners have equal freedom and responsibility;
- Social status of the family: young, established, adopted;
- According to the psychological climate in the family - prosperous and dysfunctional;
- In terms of financial wealth – wealthy and poor (needy).
A woman’s purpose is to give her energy
Why and why do people start a family? This can be explained with particular ease by the purpose of the male and female half of the population. Thus, it is inherent in nature: a woman is happy when she feels her man and fruitfully develops relationships in depth by giving him an excess of her energy. The fact is that all women have an innate ability to love, although there are no specific recipes for this. Nevertheless, any representative of the fair sex who has set herself the goal of achieving an extremely comfortable relationship will definitely find a solution to all issues and obstacles along the way. Real feeling is different in that a woman does not require anything in return - she only needs the acceptance of her own energy by the man she has chosen. And then, like a sorceress, she will be able to give happiness to both. A woman will support her man in any situation, which is very important for him. She is unlikely to let her passion fade and will remain faithful.
Main functions of the family
1. Reproductive. An important function of the family is procreation - procreation and raising children.
2. Educational. The family educates new members of society, contributes to the transfer of experience, norms and knowledge to them. The elders in the family pass on their life philosophy and wisdom to new generations. From an early age, in his family, a person assimilates real life values and learns moral standards. A long family life contributes to the development of the personality of each of its members throughout time.
3. Emotional. A person at any age finds peace and relaxation in his home, where loved ones can understand, help and support. Experts place the emotional and psychological importance of the family in first place.
4. Economic. From an economic point of view, a family is a “piggy bank” where material values are jointly accumulated and a person’s personal well-being is improved and his financial needs are met. For disabled and minor members, family is the main material support.
5. Developmental (leisure). A harmonious healthy family develops a person. Parents and children spend time together, travel, study and become familiar with aesthetic values.
6. Sexy. The significance of this function is to satisfy sexual needs between husband and wife.
The above functions can be satisfied without being in a family relationship. But only a family can unite all functions.
Convenience
One obvious and very utilitarian feature is convenience. It is more convenient for a person to live in a well-functioning family mechanism than outside it.
When people connect their lives, then not all responsibilities fall on the shoulders of one person. He ceases to be a loner, and the main value lies in mutual assistance, as well as in the division of affairs between spouses (and subsequently between children).
In contrast to “emotional refuge,” comfort, as a function of the family, can be conditionally classified as “old.” After all, if previously people had few opportunities to make their life and housekeeping easier, over the past decades a huge technological leap has been made, allowing even avid singles to live comfortably.
Of course, it would be unreasonable to talk about the complete disappearance of this function, but its influence has become less than before.
Photo: Depositphotos
What does family mean for children?
For the baby, this place occupies a significant position, it is there that he pronounces his word “mom”, makes his achievements - the first steps, the fully learned alphabet. Parents try with all their might to give him everything he needs - care, love, support, understanding, affection. They instill in him moral principles, tell him about traditions, and promote knowledge of the world around him.
Children cannot appreciate the full value of having a full-fledged family until they grow up. Adults should describe to him the importance of family relationships so that the child understands where he can turn for support in difficult times.
Why start a family and who better not to do it?
The question “How to start a family?” Usually asked by people who do not have a life partner, are looking for new acquaintances and dream of finding love. In some cases, one of the partners (usually a man) may not be ready for a serious family relationship
When both people in a couple love and respect each other, have similar views and priorities, the question of how to start a family does not arise. You can think seriously about marriage and children only after you meet a suitable partner. Psychologists do not advise making creating a family the meaning and purpose of life, since in this case a person becomes obsessed with the idea, which usually does not lead to anything good.
The most common reasons why people start families:
- they do “like everyone else,” even if in fact they didn’t really strive for it
- get married or marry for love, plan to continue the family line in the near future
- form a union due to pregnancy
- agree to a loveless marriage, afraid of missing the “last chance” and not meeting anyone else
- out of convenience or because it is more profitable to live together
Since times, life, society and norms have changed a lot and continue to transform, a modern person in a secular state is free to choose with whom to live and whether this relationship should be formalized in the registry office.
An adult who knows his desires and needs and understands himself as an individual will not succumb to the influence of others, but will listen only to his inner voice.
Is a family obligatory for an adult?
Why start a family? There are several common reasons why living with a partner and children seems more profitable and safer to many:
- people are simply afraid and cannot remain alone for long
- they want to have support in life, they make the family their “fortress”, fencing themselves off from the rest of the world
- see the goal in raising children and procreation in order to leave something behind
- they want to have some kind of safety net, to create a family similar to their parents’, where you will always be accepted, forgiven and understood no matter what (most often men do this, while they continue to have their own separate personal life, and perceive the family as a given, a necessity and in in some cases status).
Who better not to start a family?
Typically, psychologists advise not to rush into starting a family for people who:
- too young, recently graduated from school
- do not have their own income, continue to receive education, are unable to support themselves and their family, are financially dependent on their parents or partner
- not sure of their own feelings for the chosen one
- too busy with work or constantly traveling, and the partner is dissatisfied with this lifestyle
- are not yet ready to start a family and are under pressure from relatives who are rushing to get married and have children.
Many women and men, having created a family under the pressure of circumstances or other people, soon begin to regret, get tired and disappointed, but are forced to continue living in unlove because of children, housing, fear, etc.
Only by truly meeting your person, close in spirit, thinking and goals, can you create a truly strong union. In this case, questions like “Is it worth starting a family and children, at what age should I do this?” don't even arise.
“It’s good for me and alone”
Sometimes even adults, accomplished and intelligent people who seem to be happy with their lonely bachelor life, under the influence of their environment, begin to doubt their own normality. Parents are perplexed why their daughter or son does not want to start a family, not realizing that with such questions and persistence they are making their child’s life worse. Family friends, friends and colleagues are gradually moving away, there are fewer common interests, and a person begins to doubt: maybe by a certain age it is really necessary to have a family and children?..
A single adult in our society is still looked at with distrust: they begin to suspect him of being gay, having some kind of illness, mental disorder, or having a disgusting, quarrelsome character. Such people are attributed to a riotous lifestyle or reclusiveness, accused of selfishness, furtively laugh at them and feel sorry for them.
A person who is truly happy, who has found his purpose, knows how to enjoy life, cannot be inferior just because of the absence of a family. It is important to always listen to your inner voice. If a man or woman is really uncomfortable with loneliness and wants to find his soulmate, this is a reason to think. But if a person lives a full life without having a family, and this does not bring him problems or worries, he should not look at the opinions of other (even close) people and change to please their views and desires.
How to change everything right now - some tips from psychologists
Family happiness is work. And if a woman is not satisfied with everything in a relationship, then a lot can be changed right now. To do this, do the following:
✔ Make a spontaneous decision that your spouse does not expect. The goal is not to shock, but to pleasantly surprise your loved one.
✔ A week without criticism with politeness and care. Consciously give yourself a directive - not to criticize or make comments to your loved one for a week. Instead, say nice words and make your partner happy. Give a nice gift.
✔ Try to imagine that today is the last day you live. There will be no chance to fix the situation, ask for forgiveness or start over tomorrow. Exists only today. How would your behavior change?
These are the effective secrets that will help a woman keep her family happy. A single recipe for family happiness has not yet been invented. What is important is the desire of both partners to live together and happily. Well, the desire to work so that the husband/wife and children are happy.