What is the name of the person who loves order in everything?

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About petty people, or How they become unbearable
“A picky, petty person” is a sentence?
What kind of petty person is this? Someone who needs sympathy

There are people in the world who are difficult to please. Moreover, their dissatisfaction is a constant personality trait, and they constantly cling to their spouses, colleagues, and neighbors. And one of the latter exclaims in their hearts: “Woohoo! petty man! This is the one who pesters others. But is the problem of human obsession really that simple?

What exactly is “pettiness”? It is difficult to define this concept right away, because everyone understands something different by “pettiness.” An incident that seems trivial to an outside observer is anything but so to those on the front lines.

My wife doesn't brush crumbs off the table. Trifle? Not if you look at it from her husband's point of view. Spouses even have daily scandals over a dirty table. The matter came to the psychologist. And it turned out that the husband is a visual person. People of this type trust primarily their eyes. Example: a person is read aloud, and he cannot really understand the meaning of what he heard, he needs to see the text - he is a visual learner. And my wife is a kinesthetic learner. She communicates with the world mainly through feelings, experiences, and bodily sensations. And it turns out: the husband’s eyes were “scratched” by these crumbs on the table, but for the wife it was a trifle. The psychologist, quickly realizing what was going on, said to the girl: “Now imagine that these crumbs are not on the kitchen table, but in your nightgown.” Problem solved.

Such a long prelude is needed in order to show: “pettiness” does not always equal “harmfulness”; sometimes offensive obsession hides a non-illusory insult. A petty person is someone who constantly finds fault with others. And people who endure attacks from “harmful men” believe that there is no reason to worry.

About petty people, or How they become unbearable

There are two ways:

Bad character from early childhood. Long gone are the days when children were considered heavenly angels; after Z. Freud it is already difficult to think so. And it’s not just about sexual desire (sexuality), which awakens early, but is not realized by the child in its true quality until adolescence. In the context of the topic, something else is important: the foundation of personality is laid in childhood (up to 5 years). And sometimes it happens that by this age a person has already been spoiled by his parents or environment (mothers, nannies, grandmothers, grandfathers). In the future, the child will grow into a person who blames his parents for all his failures or finds fault with them over trifles, reproaching them for not writing the best life scenario for his fate. Life has turned a joyful man into a petty tyrant. The first path of transformation into someone who is dissatisfied with everything and everyone is difficult to prove in practice. Because it is impossible to say with great certainty whether a child is predisposed to petty grievances, or whether a person has become like this over the course of his life. But on earth there live millions of gloomy people who previously exuded inner light, and now sad existence has turned them into petty and harmful subjects. The entire human race is at risk. Life can ruin anyone's character. When a person hears about petty people, he usually grimaces and shakes his head, and in the future he joins the ranks of dissatisfied picky people. Life is not without a sense of humor.

What do you call a person who loves order?

Most often, a person who loves order, accuracy, and ideality is called a pedant or perfectionist. If we mean a personality type, then it is characterized by a desire for accuracy in all areas of life. Sometimes such a person is suspected of pettiness because he pays attention to even minor nuances.

Experts note that the need for order and the desire for ideality in the environment are often combined in one person. Such individuals perceive their every day as a challenge to others, taking everything to the extreme and absurdity. A person obsessed with order will not be able to pass by a picture hanging crookedly, and napkins laid out in the wrong order can cause a panic attack.

People with OCD need a feeling of total control. Since they cannot influence the big world, they create their own, in which their rules reign. Most often, this space is limited to your own home. Therefore, a person with neurosis is reluctant to leave his usual habitat, where he feels safe. Here, all things are in inviolable order, and cleaning can last 6 hours a day.

The diametrically opposite manifestation of the same disorder is Plyushkin syndrome. In this case, the person acts exactly the opposite, although the incentives are the same. In an effort to fill the emptiness in their souls and create the illusion of control, they take home all the items that seem useful to them. Some people fill their home with new things from the store that have been sitting in packaging for decades, while others collect trash.

Psychologists note a phenomenon: with parents suffering from a fanatical love for cleanliness and order, children sometimes acquire the diametrically opposite disorder - they wallow in garbage and turn their homes into a dump of unnecessary things that they cannot part with. Any attempt to remove at least something or restore order causes the same attack of panic as those who love perfect cleanliness and germaphobes.

“A picky, petty person” is a sentence?

Whether we are talking about a serious mental disorder or a “mild ailment” in the form of a bad character, whatever one may say, the person is a victim. Because he cannot see his shortcomings (exception: psychologists and psychiatrists, but this rule does not always work either).

It was said just above: anyone under unfavorable conditions can become a picky, petty person, so let’s focus only on notable cases of harmfulness:

Petty boss. Work is 80% of a person's time. As sad as it may be, people need to work to live. Therefore, it is doubly unpleasant when the boss pesters you about minor issues. The eternal Russian question: “what to do?” The boss’s function is this: he must stimulate his subordinates. The boss is afraid that otherwise the employees will not perform their duties. However, conflicts at work with your boss are not such a trivial matter. In this case, unfortunately, there is only one way out - change jobs. As a rule, you cannot have a heart-to-heart talk with a manager and ask him, like a relative or friend: “What’s bothering you?” Petty husband. If your spouse suddenly changes his character and finds fault with little things, then something is wrong in the Danish kingdom. In this case, unlike problems at work, you can call the dissatisfied party for a frank conversation and ask what’s the matter. The relationship between husband and wife usually changes greatly when the first child arrives. The reasons are known: the husband is not given as much attention as before, he gets angry and takes out the accumulated aggression not directly, but indirectly - in everyday life. A man, if he is sane, understands that he is behaving immaturely, but the nature of emotions is such that they cannot be dealt with at the moment they arise. Constantly clingy parents. In a situation of hidden or obvious conflict with parents, you should also not believe your eyes. Parents may be offended by their grown child for not meeting their expectations. In some cases, pettiness arises as a result of a clash of opposing ideas about the structure of everyday life: the mother wants the child (no matter how old he is) to put the towel in its place, but the child forgets, which greatly irritates the mother. Don’t rush and say: “Empty! Is that a problem?!"

A picky, petty person is not a death sentence. But only if the person himself suffers from his character directly or indirectly. I don’t want to remind you, but evil people live in the world and they like to torture others. If a person recognizes a mental sadist in his parents, sexual partner or boss, then there is only one way out - to run away and not look back from his ancestors, bedmate and boss.

Characteristic manifestations

A picky person is characterized by: reproaches, reproaches, criticism, reproaches, discussions.

You can understand that a picky person is next to you by the presence of certain manifestations:

putting forward high demands on one’s person, increased self-criticism;
constant dissatisfaction with the partner, manifested in nit-picking about his behavior, words, appearance;
pedantry is a possible manifestation of pickiness (a pedant constantly monitors order, even the slightest inaccuracies and shortcomings catch his eye);
such a person often resorts to criticism, and does not notice his shortcomings at all;
a picky individual can discuss the behavior and actions of other people, moreover, he will not refuse to judge if someone behaves incorrectly (by his standards);
the appearance of irritability and sometimes aggressive behavior in a situation when something does not go as the person intended or imagined in his head.

Picky people are usually touchy and complex. Their nagging is a manifestation of their own weakness. The exception is people who have extensive life experience or serious knowledge in a certain field. Their nagging is necessary for students and the younger generation.

Pickiness in relationships

Examples of pickiness: a husband reproaching his wife for wasting money; a wife expressing her dissatisfaction with her husband about scattered socks or the toilet lid not being lowered.

Let's look at what signs may indicate that a person is being picky in a relationship.

You obsess over little things. And many of these things don't matter when it comes to long-term compatibility and relationship success. Whether they are superficial preferences such as hair color or the types of movies someone likes, you become focused on small differences or things you would like to change in a potential partner. Although you understand in your head that these things do not create or destroy relationships, you still struggle unsuccessfully to overcome them. Your mind is constantly on alert for new cons or reasons not to date this person.
You can easily determine that something is wrong with your partner. Your mind has the ability to focus on details and find flaws, big and small, in anyone. You have the ability to make a mountain out of a mountain by clinging to small flaws, concentrating and obsessing over them.
You rarely feel a strong connection. You're bored on dates. It's almost impossible to feel the spark because your standards are too high for others to meet. After a date, you tend to overanalyze and often feel neutral or uninterested.
You have strict requirements and you do not want to compromise them. There is an image of an ideal person in your head. You may think you know what you want, but often the ideals we create don't match the people who actually come into our lives.

Now you know who picky people are. Remember that this character trait, as a rule, has a certain background; there are certainly some predisposing factors hidden behind it. If you notice that you have become picky or someone has started pointing out to you the presence of such an unpleasant trait, be sure to determine what in your particular case led to the development of pickiness and correct the situation. If you can’t cope on your own, seek help from a psychologist. The specialist will identify the cause and select the most suitable option for getting rid of pickiness.

What kind of petty person is this? Someone who needs sympathy

The world is not without evil people. Can't argue with that. But in most cases, a neighbor’s grumbling is based on psychological problems. The task of those who care: to help a person free himself from internal bile and let in the light. How to do it?

Straight Talk. People don't trust words. There is too much noise around. But sincere communication between people is a luxury that is still available to everyone. If people could talk to each other without hiding behind masks, then many problems in the family or at work would not arise. But they are afraid. Fear remains the main human emotion. Attentive attitude towards the “petty person”. If a parent or spouse is rapidly “harmful”, then you can pull them back and point out to them an undesirable transformation.

How effective the mentioned methods will be depends, not least of all, on the will of the potential “grump”, whether he will choose light or darkness.

People often wonder what a petty person is? According to the dictionary, this is someone who finds fault over trifles. But in addition to linguistic reality, this phrase also hides psychological problems. Perhaps “pettiness” is a sign of a serious internal personality conflict that a person is experiencing; it is an SOS signal for loved ones.

Possible reasons

Picky behavior can be observed in a person who has a wealth of knowledge or extensive life experience.
Pickiness is a negative character trait, which is manifested by presenting excessive demands to someone for any reason, sometimes insignificant, elevating the mistakes of other people to the level of a general personal quality, giving them unnecessarily great importance .

Pickiness can be determined by the presence of certain factors, life experiences, and psychological problems in a person’s life. We will look at the main reasons.

Consequences of suppressed emotions. A person who suppresses anger, fear, shame or sadness is bound to become picky.
The presence of unsatisfied feelings, and sometimes even basic needs.
Cheating on your partner will also lead to pickiness. For example, a man who has a mistress will definitely find fault with his wife’s every move, pointing out to her that she doesn’t know how to cook or doesn’t clean well.
Narcissism. Narcissists have very large egos and with their pickiness they try to show superiority over others. Based on the desire to maintain this superior identity, narcissists always seek partners who are perfect, at least according to their own perception. This is why narcissists become extremely picky when they enter into a relationship or purchase anything.
Availability of many options. When a person has not one, but several options, he automatically becomes more selective. It's part of human nature. For example, when a woman has many fans who like her, she becomes very picky in choosing a life partner, clinging to the shortcomings of gentlemen who are unworthy of her.
High level of knowledge. An ideal example is a situation where you have a picky mentor. There is a person nearby who has a certain amount of knowledge and experience. As a student, you will often listen to criticism about the work you do. Your mistakes or shortcomings will seem ridiculous and unacceptable to your mentor, so he will find fault.
Stubbornness and perseverance. The more stubborn and persistent a person is, the more likely it is that he will continue to look for the chosen item and will not settle for analogues. Here we can give an example: a woman wants to buy a red coat, always with oval buttons, and only the right length.
Concept of high self-awareness. People who have high self-awareness or high self-esteem may become overly picky due to the belief that they deserve an ideal partner.

How can I help my husband cope with the situation on his own?

Of course, if he has had such a character trait since birth, if he has been grumpy all his life, it is unlikely that he will now be able to change anything on his own. But if the complaints lie in specific reasons, everything can be fixed. And the loved one can easily cope with himself.

Often the reasons for such behavior lie in the wife. The husband is dissatisfied with the attitude towards him. For example, a wife is immersed in her work or her favorite pastime, all her love and care is given to the children. In such a situation, the husband begins to grumble only in order to somehow attract the attention of his wife.

But sometimes such behavior is provoked by unfulfilled professional goals and unfulfilled dreams and plans. You can help in this situation. According to the advice of psychologists, you can apply the following actions:

Let him realize himself in a different way. For example, compensate for an unloved job with a favorite activity at home (gardening, kitchen, renovation, design). It is important to support his endeavors, to encourage him in the presence of difficulties;
Make general plans and strive to implement them;
Let everyone have personal space;
It is important to be able to have a heart-to-heart talk, to talk through all unpleasant situations and dissatisfaction.