A love-candy period of meetings, a beautiful marriage proposal, a cheerful wedding and a happy family life.
This is how men and women begin close relationships and create a family.
Over time, passionate love gradually reduces its momentum and if two loving people cannot come to a “single” model of family existence, crises occur.
When one of the partners withdraws into himself, it is more difficult to overcome such a period.
Let's talk about possible reasons why a husband does not want to communicate with his dear and once beloved woman.
Role play or why the husband doesn’t want to communicate?
If you have lost communication with your loved one, “don’t ring the bell”: “he stopped loving me,” “he found a mistress,” “he’s not interested in me.” Start looking for reasons with yourself. What did I do wrong? Where is my mistake? Maybe you need to change yourself - then everything around you will change. And your partner will begin to pay attention to you and want to communicate!
Since ancient times, a man was the breadwinner in the family, providing shelter and obtaining essential products. The woman was assigned the role of mistress and keeper of the hearth. She took care of the children and made the house more comfortable. I didn’t think about the daily tomorrow; the head of the family took care of that. Times have changed, today equality flourishes in society. Women willingly take on men's affairs and occupy leadership positions, while men give up their positions, often without realizing it. All this is projected onto family life.
One of the modern problems in relationships between the stronger and weaker sex is the inability to switch to the right roles.
A woman at work must have masculine character traits - take responsibility, make decisions, lead. If, when she came home, she did not switch to the role of a loving wife and mother, then she continues to play the male role.
A man in the working field is a conqueror, warrior and diplomat. If at home he has not switched to the role of a caring husband and father, he continues to be a warrior. So gradually two people appear in the family, claiming to be the man. As a result, one of them loses ground. Unfortunately, it is often the man who becomes this “inferior.” A woman unknowingly takes on most of the responsibilities and begins to “carry” everything on herself. The husband remains in a weak position, withdraws, and stops communicating.
Should I try to establish communication with my ex-spouse? Psychologist's advice
So, the divorce is over. But, at the same time, you have children, a common business that cannot be divided even if you wish. How to behave in such a situation? Advice from professional psychologists will help you maintain, if not good, then neutral relationships after a breakup.
Time-out
“Amicable” divorce is very rare. Unfortunately, usually one cannot do without breaking dishes, constant scandals, mutual accusations, attempts to win children over to one’s side and other “charms” of this difficult period.
The first desire in such a situation is to never meet the one who became the ex again. Sooner or later, passions will undoubtedly subside, but at first it is better not to force yourself.
If you don't want to meet, you don't need to. Emotional recovery also takes time. This way, you take a kind of time out to take the next steps, consciously and intelligently, without unnecessary emotions. This is especially true for families with children. One way or another, communication between spouses will continue.
Where to start communication?
From a constructive conversation.
Practice shows that this is the most difficult moment. The resentment still makes itself felt, and the attempt at civilized communication ends in nothing. Virtual conversations help: messaging via email, Skype or ICQ .
You cannot throw accusations in the face of your opponent; you have the opportunity not just to write a text, but to think about it and, if necessary, edit it.
The most unpleasant information in text form looks more restrained. Only after you are mentally ready to move on to “real” communication, arrange a meeting.
Relationships are neutral-business
According to psychologists, this is the best option for ex-spouses. Don't try to establish "friendship", you have other tasks.
Much more reasonable is the format of “peaceful coexistence”, in which the child will be at least relatively comfortable . Leave in the past all the good and bad that happened between you. Divorce does not mean that a child should be deprived of one of his parents and other relatives.
Look at the situation in such a way that the “ex” is your business partner, who for some reason “framed” you. You haven’t stopped collaborating, so you need to abstract yourself from the past. Naturally, having drawn conclusions.
You cannot manipulate a child!
Under no circumstances should you turn a child into an instrument of revenge or turn him against the “ex” and his relatives. Divorce of parents is already a great stress for a child, and there is no need to aggravate a situation that is already difficult.
It is best to try to explain that it was the parents who had the problems, and the attitude towards the baby on neither side has changed in any way.
My husband doesn't want to communicate! Are you really a woman?
Every day a woman plays many roles: “wife”, “mother”, “housewife”, “friend”, “nanny”, “teacher”, “worker”... Under such workload it is very difficult to discern the true weak nature with a sparkle in the eyes, a blush on the cheeks , passionate, affectionate and tender.
We no longer have enough time and energy to be a woman.
After work, we rush to the store for groceries, pick up the child from kindergarten or school and rush home. The whole evening is scheduled minute by minute - prepare dinner, learn homework with your child, still have time to create comfort and cleanliness, and please your husband. As a result, we fall exhausted. There is not enough time not only for banal communication with family, there is no time for tenderness and sex. We leave personal care - manicure, pedicure, face mask - for the weekend. But this is not enough for proper rest and return to your “I”. Why is this happening? Who puts so many burdens on us, burying our true beauty and purpose as women?
Our whole life is a series of scenarios. As children, we watch our mother play many roles, watch how she drives herself into chronic fatigue and irritability. From an early age, our memory records how our mother manages to take care of the household, cook, clean, study with us... We get married and begin to live according to a similar scenario - we do the same. Especially if you found a man as your life partner who was raised in a family where a woman did everything. So we continue the dynasty of “pulling”, following the saying: “Woman” ... how much horsepower does she have?”
A woman is a graceful fluttering butterfly, small but with enormous energy. By flapping her wings, she sends energy to her beloved, which he absorbs and transforms into incentive and strength for action. As soon as the partner hangs a ball of weights on herself, she spends her strength on overcoming them. Transforms from a butterfly into a horse. But a horse does not know how to flutter, be light and give energy. Her character is strength, endurance, patience. Doesn't it remind you of a man?
Complete mismatch
Long-term relationships mean being “on the same page.” Partners very often begin to live together on a wave of enthusiasm for each other. Passion always passes. And then it matters how much you have a common view of this life, common interests, hobbies, and pastimes. If there is none of this, then most likely your relationship will become significantly more complicated and silence will be a statement of the fact that you have nothing in common.
These are not all cases, but they are quite common and typical for many partners, significantly affecting the problem of understanding and interaction.
Two - me and my self-esteem
If your husband doesn’t want to communicate, let him! Don't lose the world of a true woman
In most families, a woman not only takes care of household chores and raising children, but also earns on an equal basis with a man, and often even more. At the same time, the majority of male representatives remain only “breadwinners” as much as possible. By bringing home a certain amount of money, usually fixed monthly, they consider their duty fulfilled. The average head of the family is sure that this is where his responsibilities are exhausted.
There come periods when we get tired of all this, we begin to take it out on our husband and children. We cry on a friend’s shoulder, telling how hard it is for us to carry such a burden. Sympathizers support us with words, and family members say that everyone lives like this. The husband may shout back and say that it is not easy for him to provide for his family.
Over time, a strong woman gradually “becomes a man.” Fragility, tenderness, weak character traits disappear along with the former beauty. Our eyes stop shining, we become always preoccupied and often thoughtful - we need to think about what to cook for lunch, calculate the family budget so that it will last until the next paycheck. As a rule, we save on ourselves so that our child has enough for entertainment, and our husband has enough for new wheels for his car.
By infringing on our feminine side, we stop radiating energy, become unsexual, and lose attractiveness. The nature of the stronger sex is such that they want to see a radiant, gentle, well-groomed and passionate woman next to them. Therefore, it is vital for lovely ladies to look for the opportunity, time and desire to take care of themselves. Otherwise, your partner will find such a woman on the side.
It may also happen that a woman gets tired of “carrying” the entire household life on herself and not receiving attention from her husband. There will be a person who will appreciate her true purpose and make her happy. In this state, she will admire her man, inspire and support her. The partner will feel strength and energy, and will be ready to move mountains.
To return your loved one’s former interest in you, take care of yourself . Become feminine and attractive, and your husband will want to communicate with you.
Are you sure you are loved?
Engin_Akyurt / Pixabay
Very often people have the illusion that if they love someone, it will certainly be mutual. Ah, that's not always the case. The second partner does not necessarily love you. He may be with you for various reasons. Maybe he is not very bored, or he is lazy, and could not find anyone more suitable for him. It is clear that if there is no love and some kind of sympathy or friendly behavior has not developed, then silence can become a natural result of such a relationship, which only one of the partners thinks that they exist. In addition, there are partners who do not consider love at all as an argument for starting a family.
Is there a way out if the husband does not want to communicate?
Gradually, the relationship between loving people is “eaten up” by everyday life. Think about whether it’s worth letting him absorb what makes you feel good together ? In a series of daily chores and household responsibilities, a woman not only forgets about herself, but no longer admires her man as much, does not support, does not inspire. Irritation towards him grows: “he scattered things,” “he didn’t clean up the dishes,” “he didn’t take out the trash.” Conflicts arise, grievances appear, the husband does not want to communicate.
Try not to “nag” your loved one, but rather encourage his good behavior, deed, action. Ignoring is the worst thing for the stronger sex. Men love emotions and get energy from them. Therefore, all his positive actions need to be “reinforced”, admired and complimented. Soon you yourself will not notice how you will receive the same thing in response - delight and praise. Remember, as much as we give ourselves, we receive in return. When in a relationship, think about what you can give to your partner, and only then take. Feeling the return, the partner will also try to give.
Therefore, when a husband comes home from work and his wife greets him in a bad mood - dissatisfied, silent and with complaints, what will she get in return? The same stream of accumulated statements! The result is tension, scandal, and lack of mood for both. If, nevertheless, something does not suit you in your husband’s behavior, use the “sandwich principle” to express dissatisfaction. First, tell the man good words, praise him, then put some “tar” on him - express your complaints, and with the last layer - encourage him again! When discussing problematic issues, do not criticize him, but express dissatisfaction through the formula “I am a statement.”
Don’t blame your husband: “You didn’t make the bed!”, but say: “I’m upset that you forgot to clean the bed.” Put yourself as the first pronoun - “I” (“I think”, “I feel”, “I want”), and not him - “YOU”. Express your complaints against him through the prism of yourself: it’s not that HE is like this...and like that, but YOU just don’t like it, that such and such happened...or that such and such happened.
We haven’t spoken to my husband for two months—what should we do?
We haven’t talked to our husband for 2 months.
When you had a fight at home with your husband and there has been no communication for two months, it seems that the relationship has already been completely destroyed and the man wants to leave. Understand that if he wanted this, he would have left. In this case, he's just getting on your nerves.
This behavior is bad for relationships. When he is calm, talk to him and offer to set a deadline for when you can communicate normally. First of all, you should try to find a compromise, but if nothing works out, then think about whether you need to constantly be a hostage to his mood? After all, he’s not afraid of losing you, he’s sure that it will be as he said, because you don’t want to break up. Monitor the situation carefully and make your final decision. You shouldn’t follow his lead, because we are all human and should respect ourselves.
More about the event
Southern Japanese couple Otu and Yumi Katayama have three children. One day, the husband stopped communicating with his wife and answered her questions only with grumbling or inarticulate sounds. This was not due to a violation of the speech apparatus, he simply made a similar vow to himself. Just imagine: the couple’s 18-year-old son, Yoshiki, has never heard his parents communicate with each other.
Trying to solve the situation, the now adult child wrote to a popular television show asking for help to overcome this problem. The organizers took the couple for a walk in the park, where they also had caring and worried children with them. Here, for the first time in many years, Otu finally spoke to his wife. In his short speech, he asked for forgiveness for his behavior. He said that it was hard for him too, but it was much harder for his wife. The main reason for the silence was that Otu was very jealous of his wife’s children and simply went crazy about it. But now everything will be different, at least I want to believe so.
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