Anger is part of the self-preservation instinct. He is our internal border guard, protects the territory, defends and defines borders. One of the most highly charged feelings. Do not confuse anger and aggression, anger is a feeling, aggression is a behavior, i.e. manifested feeling.
Anger, like any other feeling, has a functional attribute (a message to act for us) - “take action to stop attacks on our well-being.” Who violates a woman’s internal boundaries and her well-being?
Anger becomes a problem when it is inadequate to the situation and clearly excessive, when it gives rise to more and more new problems and affects a person’s health and well-being.
Consequences of excess anger: muscle strain, hypertension, stomach ulcers, eczema, psoriasis, headaches, asthma (psychosomatic symptoms), depression, endless conflicts, social isolation, anxiety, psychosis.
Let's now talk about the underlying causes and processes, about secondary feelings. When someone hurt you or made you feel unpleasant and you swore only about this, this is normal and natural, but when a child or a cat “mischieves” and you yell at him for twenty minutes “for everything in the world,” it’s time to figure it out reasons. Let's look at some models of anger.
Family anger
Some children grow up in families where feelings of anger dominate and aggression becomes the norm. At first, children are afraid of their parents and their aggressive manifestations, then they learn and internalize this type of reaction to certain events in life, and already in adulthood they consider anger and aggressive behavior an integral part of their personality. Mechanism of identification with the aggressor. Sometimes, even a short period of time is enough when mom or dad were “out of order” (divorced, seriously ill, depressed, completely without work or money), anger towards the child became excessive and disproportionate to the specific situation.
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There are many everyday things that piss everyone off. Troubles or coolness in a relationship can cause a woman to be in a bad mood. Men should be aware of what causes female irritability and avoid it in relationships in order to protect their significant other from negative emotions.
The man doesn't want to communicate
He doesn’t ask her questions like “how are you?”, “how can I help?”, “how are you feeling?” Many men in long-term relationships simply close themselves off from their other half, which makes a woman justifiably angry, because she wants to communicate with her loved one. You need to talk about more than just household chores.
A man doesn't admire a woman
When the man he loves stops complimenting a woman, she fades away. As soon as he stops saying “you are beautiful”, “I like this about you”, it makes the woman give up trying to become more beautiful. She is dissatisfied with herself, and therefore with the whole world.
A woman does everything, a man does nothing
She cooks, washes and cleans, but the man does not respect her work and does not offer his help. In this case, the woman becomes dissatisfied and aggressive. It is necessary to understand that housework is hard work that must be divided between partners.
The woman takes care of the children herself
A man is always at work, and then meets with friends or minds his own business, and the children are always with the woman. This is absolutely wrong: a woman should be given the opportunity to rest, see her friends, and be alone.
A woman does not feel cared for by a man
It is very important for a man to be interested in what his spouse or partner loves and desires. A woman needs attention. She wants people to look after her and try to make her happy.
A man wants to be the winner in all disputes
If a man constantly stands his ground until the last moment, then the woman will not stand aside. There will be no limit to her irritation, because love is the ability to make concessions. You can't make your significant other your enemy.
The woman is just tired
Tired of endless tasks and worries, of children, of work, of routine. Many women are emotional people who need to be nourished with new feelings and bright emotions. Without this, they wither and begin to get angry at everything.
Men often do strange things that irritate women, but you shouldn’t think that nothing irritates men themselves. There are at least seven very annoying behaviors of women that the stronger sex cannot tolerate.
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12.12.2020 01:49
Anger as a way to achieve a goal
Sometimes anger is a motivator to achieve a goal, but in most situations you can do without it.
Many parents are convinced that only shouting and physical force can get what they want from their child. “That’s why when you speak calmly and kindly, no one does anything, but as soon as you start shouting or getting angry, everyone immediately obeys and fulfills all demands.” Both husband and children))) But when in a family parents fulfill their desires through shouting and aggression, children quickly “grab” this model and successfully use it in their lives. Most often, this parental aggression hides self-doubt, accumulated irritation and the inability to express one’s demands without attack.
Why does a drunk person become aggressive?
Alcohol is a drug that literally causes fog . Under the influence of the “green serpent,” even the most calm, good-natured person can turn into a strong aggressor, tyrant, or monster. He behaves inappropriately, aggressively, starts fights, swears, constantly argues, pesters others.
It is worth noting! Aggression when drinking alcohol can occur in anyone, both light drinkers and those who constantly drink alcohol.
Why can a person become aggressive after drinking alcohol? Psychologists identify several causes of this condition that need to be known and understood.
Consequences of intoxication
Aggression after alcohol in men often occurs due to severe intoxication. This may occur as a result of the effects of ethanol on certain parts of the brain. During this process, primal instincts are released and decreases . All this leads to profound changes in habitual behavior.
It has been established that aggressiveness and behavioral reactions may differ, depending on the stage of dependence on alcohol. Namely:
- The first stage of addiction. At this stage, the longest period of the intoxication phase is in a state of euphoria and relaxation. However, all this can quickly develop into a feeling of irritability and dissatisfaction;
- Second and third stages of addiction. These stages of intoxication are constantly accompanied by aggressiveness and bad behavior of the alcoholic. It is important to remember that ethanol at these stages no longer brings a feeling of pleasure and relaxation. A person drinks alcohol not for relaxation, but because he needs it.
Based on this, it is possible to determine at what stage the alcoholic is. If at the first stage aggressiveness is not very pronounced, then at the second stage irritability and anger can arise almost immediately and for no reason.
Impact of external factors
The aggressive state that occurs after drinking alcohol can often be caused by other, extraneous circumstances. For example, a drunk person may experience anger, dissatisfaction with groundless jealousy , he may feel threatened or in danger.
In most cases, discontent, fear, reproaches, and reproaches on the part of the alcoholic appear due to the activity inflamed brain under the influence of alcohol. But in fact, there are no provoking factors; his intoxicated brain invents and imposes them on its own.
Presence of psychosomatic diseases
The manifestation of aggression after consuming drinks containing alcohol occurs due to existing pathologies. Reasons for inappropriate behavior include:
- Head injuries;
- Pathological personality traits;
- The presence of mental illnesses. They can be congenital or acquired due to prolonged alcohol consumption.
It is these reasons that are considered pathologies that are psychosomatic in nature. In this case, aggression can occur even when drinking alcohol in a small dose .
Protracted separation processes
During pregnancy and in the first years of the baby’s life, the mother is in a symbiotic fusion with him, since for the child it is a matter of survival. It is unnatural for an adult healthy person to be in such a total fusion with another person, which is why nature designed the hormone oxytocin and its increased production in women during pregnancy and infancy. The hormone is responsible for acceptance, emotional attachment, harmony and calm. But when children grow up and become more independent, the woman’s hormones return to normal. She is no longer ready for the level of intimacy and fusion that she had before. Women have a need for their own personal space and a part of life separate from children. If this does not happen in reality, the child does not start the mechanism of gradual separation, separation from the mother, the woman begins to experience a strong and powerful feeling of anger. She realizes it through minor scandals with her husband, irritation with children and others, if of course she knows how to show this anger, or she restrains herself, accumulates anger and gradually unloads it into her body - muscle strain, armor, pain in the back, spine and chest. There is another process when a woman’s body does not have enough of the hormone “oxytocin” and there is virtually no parental instinct; in the first years, pregnancy and maternity leave are incredibly difficult. Those. there are two directions here - acceptance, love and merging in the first years with the child and further gradual separation in subsequent years. Where there is movement with slipping, we work in that direction.
And yet, why are women so angry?
Hello, Creative Cat here. I maintain my creative profile on Instagram, create unusual images, do cosplay, talk about cosmetics, and write about things that inspire me.
Today I wanted to talk about women's solidarity, which, unfortunately, simply does not exist. I had been planning this article for a long time; I had several drafts on my phone, but I never got around to turning them into a full-fledged text.
For the first time I wanted to talk about this, perhaps, after one of the women pointed out to me the rings of Venus
. Then the first thought was “What? Woman, what are you talking about? About planets? About Roman mythology? Well, fortunately, I’m friends with Google. It turned out that we were talking about folds of skin on the neck, which, by the way, are not only due to age-related changes.
I noticed that women pay too much attention to such moments, trying to reproach others, convicting them of early aging. Although such folds are most often just a feature of the skin, I personally have had them since I was 14-15 years old. Aging, well, well.
The most interesting thing is that no man will ever notice these folds. And even if he notices, he will think that everything is normal, because we are all human, and almost everyone has such folds. But women came up with the idea of getting rid of them with the help of fillers (judging by the reviews, this does not help, but it costs a lot of money).
And yes, in the end, it is because of women that 90% of us retouch these very folds in Photoshop. Otherwise, they will think that we are old and don’t take care of ourselves.
But this is only a special case and just one single example. In reality, everything is much more extensive.
Different forms of manifestation for both men and women
When talking about attacks of aggressiveness, it is important to identify female and male aggression. In men, signs of aggressiveness begin to appear in attempts to control everyone and everything. In the early stages they can be touchy, but if they deviate from their opinion, they immediately use their hands, obscene language, and screams.
In women, an emotional outburst is usually accompanied by everyday problems. Psychologists note that powerlessness and the inability to correct the situation are frequent causes of aggressive impulses against others. Sometimes they can be caused by personal problems, sometimes by problems with money, illness, and more.
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Sixth stage. Loser husband and wife's fears
At this stage, the family usually loses everything - friends, jobs, money, property. The man is completely trampled, he feels like a failure. He develops deep depression and begins to have serious problems with alcohol. At this same stage he may die suddenly.
The wife is also deteriorating. Now she doesn’t even have the strength to dream of a different life. She is afraid that without her husband it will be even worse. And even if now they live very poorly - for example, he drinks and beats her, she does not leave. At this stage, she will also start drinking with him. Alcohol has an even more destructive effect on a woman - her regression occurs faster. She may become easily accessible out of fear of being left alone.
From this stage they are most often not selected. This pit is already so deep that even the white light above is not visible.
But since you're here, chances are you're not doing so bad. And perhaps now you have problems at the level of the first four stages. We'll talk about how to get out of there in my new book. How to develop relationships, how to trust, how to open your heart to your husband.
The sooner we begin to realize our responsibility for what is happening and change ourselves on our own, the easier it is for us to return love and joy to family relationships.
Symptoms of Mood Swings
The main sign of mood swings is an inadequate reaction to circumstances. In other words, a situation in which a calm person would act rationally will cause an inappropriately intense or, conversely, passive reaction in a person with sudden mood swings. Emotional instability manifests itself:
- decreased concentration;
- appetite disorders;
- tearfulness;
- hysterical;
- drowsiness;
- sleep disorders, insomnia;
- nervousness;
- apathy;
- decreased performance.
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You don't communicate with her much.
A mandatory point for a good family relationship between a man and a woman is communication. No matter how many years you live together, you must communicate.
If this communication does not happen or only the woman initiates it, then she will be angry with the man. It may seem to her that the man simply doesn’t care about her.
Therefore, always try to communicate, ask about her affairs, mood, desires, interests, and so on. Then the woman will feel needed in marriage and will love the man even more.
Author: Sergey Tumanov
Treatment
Group behavioral psychotherapy
The main goal of group trainings is to change the patient’s behavior, get rid of feelings of dissatisfaction, and teach constructive ways of expressing grievances, claims, and comments. During classes, participants recreate conflict situations, try to use techniques for switching emotions, and take the position of an interlocutor. After the main training, there is a collective discussion of experiences, including irritation.
Individual consultations with a psychotherapist
In addition to behavioral methods, sessions are conducted aimed at mastering relaxation and distraction skills. The psychotherapist discusses with the patient possible causes of irritability - stress, nervous exhaustion, problems in family life and at work. Of the practical skills that help relieve tension, the most effective are breathing techniques and auto-training.
First stage. Mutual irritation
Severe anxiety, everything irritates. The wife becomes nervous and begins to explode with or without reason. All pairs go through this stage during the grinding-in period.
Where does irritation come from? Since in such families the man has no faith, there is no goal in life. His life becomes a monotonous routine - work-home-work-home-fishing. This irritates a woman, because any woman always wants development (but for someone to do it for her, and she will tell you how). The man doesn’t understand why his wife is unhappy - I do everything for her, I work, I don’t go out...
A vicious circle of the first level - he does not believe in anything and does not strive for anything. She stops trusting him and gets annoyed. Her disbelief reinforces his disbelief. What can a woman do at this stage? Learn to trust your husband, no matter what path he chooses.
And then they have three paths. Someone begins to develop relationships - and restores harmony. And some will immediately run away, frightened by difficulties. And they will continue to look for happiness and a prince. There are those who understand that divorce is not an option. But they don’t know how to develop relationships. That's why they stay and endure. But if they do not develop, then they move on to the second stage of family destruction.
