You can guess about problems in the family by how a man behaves after cheating: the mechanisms of behavior both with his wife and with others in general change. There are no “accidental” betrayals, there are poorly prepared ones.
If a man is satisfied with his family life and his psychological state, he is unlikely to make special acquaintances, arrange dates, walks, restaurants and other surroundings for the sake of one sex scene.
What does a cheating man think about?
Mood swings occur
Mood swings are caused by stress and conflicting feelings: a man understands that cheating can lead to painful consequences, so he urgently rebuilds his internal motivation.
He convinces himself that he has every right to try new relationships, gain additional experience, and relax properly. To justify his actions he uses such common truths as:
- “Men don’t cheat, they hunt”;
- “Everyone condemns me because they envy me”;
- "I cannot resist natural wisdom."
But no one has canceled family, social norms and responsibilities, so pleasant memories of forbidden pleasure collide with feelings of guilt and the need to observe home rituals.
After all, men are accustomed to acting “with an open visor” and feeling confident next to their chosen one; they want to parade together along the boardwalk, and not hide in random rooms.
In addition, regular infidelity is a serious symptom of family instability, this means that a man, for moral or material reasons, is not ready to part with his wife, is unable to overcome family disagreements, and is also experiencing various negative factors:
- own doubts, conflicting thoughts and feelings;
- wife's suspicions, scenes of jealousy;
- the pressure of a constant mistress who claims a more significant status;
- reproaches, condemnation of others, interference from relatives.
Psychologists' opinion!
Indeed, the process of betrayal affects both moral and physiological components, which are not always interrelated. But in any case, it is condemned by society, so happy lovers, after a dose of adrenaline, feel disappointment and the need for someone else’s approval.
Men often share details with friends, who will praise them and suggest better organizational methods. At least 20% of patients tell psychologists that they would like to get rid of the traumatic consequences after betrayal or family conflict on this basis.
We recommend reading: 8 reasons why the husband lost interest in his wife and what to do about it.
Adultery from a scientific point of view
This is a kind of crime of fidelity in married life, failure to fulfill certain duties that are assigned to us by marriage. But not everything is so simple, because the definition of treason itself and the possibility of allowing it in each individual cell of society vary greatly.
If you believe the statistics, about 90% of marriages in Russia are broken due to infidelity. According to this indicator, our country is on par with world leaders in this area.
Men are still the leaders in this area - 59% of infidelity occurs among the stronger half of humanity. However, recently, women have not lost the opportunity to have an affair on the side, stepping on the heels of men - 41% are behind them.
It is necessary to take into account the fact that in most states, monogamy in relationships is socially conditioned by traditions, norms and rules. But scientists say the opposite - people, by their genetics, tend to cheat. The human brain includes entire systems that are responsible for our attraction, desires and attachments.
Science understands the following as treason:
- The effects of dopamine. This is a “pleasure hormone” that is produced during lovemaking, thereby allowing lovers to receive a powerful positive charge as a result of the release of this substance. The hormone captures dopamine receptors, there are 5 types in total. Of all the types - D1, D2, D3, D4 and D5 - D4 is responsible for the tendency towards polygamy. If this receptor has a long form of the gene value, the desire for affairs on the side doubles. But in the weaker half of humanity, the craving for infidelity is provoked by the hormone vasopressin. A finer line is felt, based on a feeling of affection and empathy for the opposite sex.
- Instincts. Here we are talking about the need to continue the race - survival and reproduction. A mechanism is launched to determine a healthier partner for this purpose. Meanwhile, the opposite sexes have developed different methods for searching and choosing a partner. A woman (female) is as selective as possible, pursuing the goal of finding a genetically suitable soul mate. A man (male) does not push himself into limits at all, since he can, in principle, continue his family an unlimited number of times.
To put it another way, women have to cheat because of their beliefs to get the healthiest offspring possible. Men tend to collect their sexual victories, because at the biological level he is not ready to leave his women. Thus, the degree of polygamy among men and women is quite similar.
Performs unusual actions
If a man has not worked out the algorithm for his adventures, he is not sure how best to behave and what the possible consequences are. Therefore, he tries to get his bearings and check his wife’s reaction in various cases. Receives “unexpected” orders or additional tasks at work, tries to earn his wife’s trust with gifts or long-awaited help with housework.
Since a man spends his energy on his rival, he is not always able to maintain the same pace of intimate relationships. He tries to veil it with excessive care and attention, pleasant memories of the past.
Changes in a man’s behavior after betrayal also affect his appearance, the way he dresses, he wants to look younger, more modern. After all, they usually find younger mistresses than their wife, especially since they want to make a lasting impression.
A man tries out new haircuts and, under the influence of a secret companion, acquires a different perfume. Begins to get involved in speleology or historical reconstruction in order to distance himself from his wife and previous social circle.
Gets rougher
A nervous, irritated state can always be explained by problems at work and other difficulties, but in this case the man reacts dissatisfied to his previous relationship. He aggressively perceives the usual offer to go on a visit as another obstacle to his plans, and tries to come up with excuses.
Read Does a guy need you: how to check your real feelings
A man behaves rudely after cheating because he is unusual and uncomfortable in feeling like a potential victim who can be “identified” by his wife and make fair demands regarding unbridled morality and extraordinary actions.
It seems to him that he is being persecuted and condemned by those around him, that he is forced to justify himself for a “crime” that he did not commit. After all, in his opinion, this does not cause damage to family relationships if everything is organized correctly and “culturally”.
You may be interested in: How to improve your relationship with your husband and save your family.
What absolutely should not be done when you find out that your husband is cheating
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Suffer
You should not pretend to be a victim and constantly keep silent about the fact that you are aware of the betrayal. Having, for example, a weak psyche, you can torment yourself to such an extent that health problems may even begin, including prolonged depression.
Complain
If you start complaining to everyone, then your relatives, friends and other “well-wishers” may advise you of various nonsense, for example, to cut off from the shoulder and file for divorce without finding out all the circumstances and reasons. After all, you need to take into account that the people to whom you complain will definitely be on your side, which means they will not be able to assess this situation objectively.
Shows secrecy
Secret affairs, passwords and appearances arise, you need to block your phone, promptly “clean up” social networks and perform many other “underground” actions. The level of secrecy is simply off the charts, the phone number of his mistress is signed only as “plumber Nikifor Filimonovich,” although messages from him come with a rather vague meaning.
And most importantly, you have to hide your state of mind, when a man, after betrayal, feels euphoria and a feeling of flight from a successful rendezvous, you have to put on a face exhausted by back-breaking work.
It seems to him that he can be identified by the aroma of other people's perfume - he needs to immediately run to wash himself, by after-hours calls and messages - he needs to hide the phone under the mattress.
The rudeness that has already been mentioned also arises in connection with the need to “defend” one’s autonomous territory. After all, a man is sure that he has the right to an existence independent from others and is not obliged to account for his actions.
If a man finds out about his wife’s infidelity, he will try to hide it from others. He is sure that this will discredit him as the head of the family, which means that he could not hold the woman and cope with the critical situation. And if a wife finds out about her husband’s infidelity, she will rush to tell about it everywhere, blaming him or his “slut”, anyone, but not herself.
How to restore a relationship
It will take a lot of time to improve relations with your husband after betrayal and remain a full-fledged family, because the heart wound is deep, which means it will leave a scar.
But you should strictly remember that remembering and, of course, reproaching your husband for treason is strictly prohibited. Since you have decided to restore your family, this topic should be closed once and for all. Plunge into the world of your children, it will help you cope with the pain easier. Don’t make hysterics and scenes, wisdom should be above all, sometimes silence helps you understand how big a mistake your spouse made by exchanging you for a dummy. Love yourself and don't let yourself be bullied like that anymore. Let him now seek your affection and love.
Tries to be alone
Even in the process of spending time together, a cheating man periodically tries to be alone: he needs to communicate with his mistress, make a new date, talk about feelings and, of course, control her location, otherwise he suddenly decides to sneak away.
Therefore, he will urgently need to go buy milk at midnight or help a friend water the houseplants. Regular meetings with his mistress require great resourcefulness, which must be squeezed into a busy schedule between work and family matters.
It is the natural sense of ownership that creates the most problems in such situations: a man wants to dominate both his wife and his mistress, he wants to keep both.
He is always afraid to “let go” of his wife or mistress, so that she does not have the opportunity to compare his merits with subsequent males, in case he is left with not the best impressions. He must feel like an alpha carrier, after which no one will dare to encroach on the coveted female.
We recommend reading: What is a love triangle and how to get out of it.
Starts to deceive
You can deceive once, you can deceive one person, but you cannot always deceive everyone! Truth, like water, will make its way through any stones and obstacles.
When a man begins to lead a parallel existence, he has to “encrypt” himself from his wife, and from friends, and from relatives, and possibly from mutual acquaintances on the part of his new passion. Of course, you have to figure out a lot about where and when you went, where you spent the premium, why you were “out of reach,” and various other things.
Read How to motivate and inspire a man to succeed
In addition, the new lover has to come up with many versions for his mistress, who asks “uncomfortable” questions: how do you feel about your wife? When will you tell others about our relationship? Lying becomes a habitual way of thinking, a man begins to lie even unnecessarily, “just in case.”
Usually people living in the same environment somehow intersect at work or in public places, so it is almost impossible to hide your romance for a long time. You have to deceive even when irrefutable evidence and proof arise.
Here are the most ridiculous “excuses” after exposure, which show how strange men think and behave after cheating (according to the site pikabu.ru):
- “In fact, this is not cheating, I don’t feel anything towards her”;
- “I was just trying to improve my self-esteem”;
- “At first it happened by chance, and then it was awkward for me to refuse”;
- “I had an alcoholic father and an evil stepmother, so I need more attention”;
- “I always returned to you after that and brought expensive gifts”;
- “Why do you suspect me? We were just warming ourselves under the blanket!”
