30 Signs of a Narcissistic Man in a Relationship with a Woman

Such men arouse interest even at the first meeting. They can be witty jokers or philosophers - it depends on what role they play today. Men - narcissists expect special treatment of themselves, as if they were chosen ones. They like to be in the spotlight and take leadership positions.

It is important to distinguish between narcissism and high self-esteem. The second may be a completely healthy quality of a successful person. The first is always a deviation from the norm. In the world of the narcissistic man, there is only one “hero.” All the rest are just replaceable supporting figures. Even if you sacrifice everything for a narcissist, you will not get him forever. He will be there as long as it is convenient for him.

Here you can read: How a girl can love herself and increase her self-esteem

Types of narcissism

Construction type . The phenomenon is quite healthy. A person realizes his strengths. Uses skills and experience to benefit others. Rejoices in his achievements.
Destructive type. It is considered a pathology. A man idealizes himself and focuses only on his needs. There is unhealthy narcissism. In critical situations, he can despise himself, but does not change his outlook on life.
Perverse type. Dangerous deviation. Tendency to violence. Aggression and pressure on loved ones. Blatant manipulation. Parasitizing on someone else's life.

Is selfishness so terrible?

Before we talk about “why are men so selfish?”, let’s understand a simple truth. This trait is innate in every person. In moderation, selfishness is necessary. This is important to be able to take care of yourself and simply survive.

It’s a different matter when we talk about an exaggerated quality that prevents us from building full-fledged relationships with others. People with this quality are also called “narcissists.” They have difficulty getting along with colleagues, friends and family because they put their needs first.

Narcissistic men are focused on their feelings. They may feel deep affection or passion for a woman. But they are incapable of sincere love and care. Therefore, they often remain lonely. If they do get married, their wife, as a rule, is a girl with low self-esteem, who indulges all the whims of her chosen one.

Of course, no woman voluntarily chooses the role of victim. Everyone wants to be loved and surrounded by attention. But it is not always possible to immediately “see through” a pathological egoist. The reason is the inability to build a proper conversation with a gentleman. Girls don’t know what to ask, what points in a guy’s behavior to pay attention to. I tell you what is important to remember.

Signs by which you can identify a narcissistic man

How to recognize a narcissist in time? Here are 30 signs of a big problem:

He talks a lot. Reduces more than half of the conversations to himself.
Reacts sharply to criticism. Doesn't accept advice.
Does not like to communicate with emotional people and be in their company.
Blames others for his mistakes. He denies his guilt.
Having created a relationship, he begins to control his partner even in small things. Constantly wants to know where you were, who you saw and why you were one minute late.
Constantly lies (for unknown reasons, for no apparent benefit).
Neglects loved ones. Refuses help. Forgets important dates.
Changes masks frequently. Constantly pretending to be someone else.
A born manipulator. Easily achieves what he wants from colleagues and loved ones. Often to the detriment of the interests of others.
Plays the role of the victim. Seeks to evoke sympathy. Needs praise.
Creates an image of a good person. Helps for appearance. Donates change to charity.
Focuses attention on your smallest mistakes. Requires complete obedience. Inappropriately makes fun of any woman's mistake.
Has a negative attitude towards children and the elderly. The narcissist needs to be the center of attention and care.
Manic about his health.
Difficulties in relationships = change of partner. It is easier for a narcissist to find a new lady than to compromise.
Economical in everyday life, but ready to pay a fortune for a new watch or cufflinks.
Seeks easy recognition and everyone's attention. Often speaks with pathos. Gestures actively. Laughs loudly.
A narcissist never feels guilty. Even if he hits his partner, he will consider her a provocateur.
Does not like to hear about other people's difficulties and emotional problems.
The manifestation of feelings results in a performance. The narcissist often “overacts.” It's too theatrical.
Everything turns into a competition. He shows how he hammers a nail more effectively than his neighbor and drinks beer faster than his friend.
Constantly talks about his achievements and successes. Refuses to discuss mistakes.
Gives advice easily. Even if he doesn’t understand the topic, he still “knows what’s best.” Gets irritated if advice is not taken.
Doesn't let you into your personal space. Allows only admiration from the outside.
Loves “quick pleasures” and one-night stands. Can get carried away easily and also cool down quickly.
Infallibility of opinion. It is useless to argue with such a man. He is unable to hear your arguments. There is only his “correct point of view.”
A condescending tone when discussing your successes. After all, there is only one recognized genius here.
In the event of a breakup, he makes every effort to make the girl suffer. It inspires the idea that there will be no more good things in life.
Speaks rudely about ex-girlfriends. Even if he himself broke off the relationship.
He loves only himself. Incapable of becoming attached to other people.

Read about: Toxic relationship with a man

Possible reasons for the appearance of this character trait

There are three theories about the reasons for the development of narcissism:

The first is an excess of love . The child is praised for the most minor successes. He begins to believe in his “superpowers.” Too carried away by the idea of exclusivity.
The second is lack of love . Lack of proper care on the part of parents. The desire to receive love turns into the need to be the perfect person.
The third is outside influence . False role models from TV or books. Lack of critical evaluation of these characters. Acceptance of their behavior as the only correct one.

These three theories are united by one statement from Erich Fromm:

Narcissism, like selfishness, is an excessive compensation for a lack of self-love.

Continuing the topic - a psychological portrait of a narcissist man:

Narcissists - what do they want from loved ones, acquaintances and strangers?

Any narcissist is an insecure and vulnerable person with extremely fragile self-esteem. Such people need constant feeding of their sense of exclusivity. It is vital for them to receive constant proof of their superiority, stand out from the crowd and attract admiring glances.

It is important to understand that the narcissist is alien to such qualities as:

philanthropy,
humanity,
sincerity,
kindness,
empathy.

He behaves quite harshly with his loved ones, stubbornly convincing his family that all his failures are their fault, and all their achievements are his merit. And he succeeds, since constant psychological (and sometimes also physical) violence can break anyone.

A narcissist feels truly comfortable only when his loved ones are confident in their insignificance and his exclusivity. Therefore, he diligently breaks off all connections between his relatives and the outside world with the help of slander, quarrels and similar techniques. At the same time, loved ones do not consider the narcissist a tyrant, because he skillfully focuses attention on, albeit rare, manifestations of kindness and care.

Those with whom the narcissist does not have a close relationship, the “domestic tyrant” captivates with his kindness, honesty, responsiveness or skillful flattery. For unfamiliar and unfamiliar people, he will always be the embodiment of charm, philanthropy and determination.

To enhance the effect, he can also, for example, complain about difficult relationships with loved ones, who are constantly trying to sit on the “poor guy’s” neck. Thus, rays of perseverance, devotion and fidelity are added to his image in the eyes of strangers.

Well, the narcissist simply divides the people he knows into those who can be admired and those at whose expense he can assert himself. At the same time, there are often cases when the same person becomes a victim of slander and flattery at the same time: a two-faced narcissist easily evokes admiration from the victim, whom he boldly confuses with dirt when communicating with other people.

Rules of conduct during forced communication

Dealing with a narcissist can be compared to voluntarily visiting a cage with a wild lion. For this person, people are divided into only two categories: potential victims and potential threats. And regardless of what type of person he classifies you as, you should not expect pleasant consequences from communicating with a narcissist. But sometimes it is not possible to avoid meeting with a narcissist. And in order to minimize the possible negative consequences of such communication, it is worth remembering the following 10 “don’ts”:

Don’t argue if you don’t want to move from exchanging arguments to clarifying your imaginary shortcomings that have nothing to do with the subject of the dispute.
Do not share emotions , because they will definitely be used against you.
Don't try to prove yourself right by being criticized . If the narcissist has already taken off his mask and stopped flattering or disguising his attacks as jokes, then he is eager to assert himself in an argument. It is better to ignore such attempts.
Don't be fooled by changing the topic . “That’s not what we’re talking about now” is a proven way to bring the narcissist back to the original topic of conversation. And this phrase should be used every time you notice an attempt to reduce the conversation to a discussion of your shortcomings.
Don't fall for slander . By badmouthing people, the narcissist eliminates a potential threat and forces his victims to become fixated on making excuses. You should not give in to provocations. It is necessary to verify or refute the words of the narcissist using facts.
Do not trust manifestations of friendship, love or sympathy . Believing in the manifestations of such feelings, it is easy to lose objectivity.
Do not allow outsiders to be involved in the discussion . Even if their participation is limited to the narcissist voicing their opinion. When talking with this person, you should constantly stop his attempts to attract another participant to the topic of dialogue.
Do not allow personal boundaries to be violated . By ingratiating oneself or getting personal in an argument, the narcissist pursues his own goals. Therefore, it is better to immediately show him what line should not be crossed.
Don't ignore offensive jokes . This is not a joke, but a full-fledged attack. And in order not to lose self-confidence, it is better to stop such aggressive influence. Alternatively, you can tell the narcissist to keep his opinions to himself.
Don't forget about self-esteem . You are not a toy in the hands of a manipulator. Therefore, there is no need to turn into his reflection, stoop to his methods and helplessly huddle in a corner.

Types of Narcissistic Men

Not all men with narcissistic personality disorder are the same. In the psychological and medical literature there is no division into types, but for convenience and a better understanding of the problem, 4 types of behavior can be distinguished:

hypersensitive narcissist - insecure, tries not to show himself anywhere so as not to look stupid, easily vulnerable, painfully in love with himself, but afraid of everything;
an amorous narcissist - asserts himself more by attracting the attention of women, constantly and richly lies, loves to dramatize life situations;
inverted narcissist - one of the subtypes of narcissist who does not want recognition from society, he prefers to remain in the shadow of some very bright character;
an unprincipled narcissist is a narcissistic sociopath, often violates generally accepted moral boundaries, prefers to manipulate other people, and strives for dominance.

How does he behave in a relationship with a woman?

There is no one kinder than a narcissist as long as you live by his rules.

Elizabeth Bowen, writer

Charming, sweet, sensitive, affectionate... It is difficult not to succumb to the positive emotions that this man evokes in women who have not yet managed to get caught in his network.

In the first stages of dating, a narcissist:

strives to show maximum positive qualities that are guaranteed to please a woman,
will shower you with compliments, repeatedly emphasizing how charming his chosen one is,
will not forget about flowers, joint visits to a restaurant or pleasant walks in the park,
if necessary, he will even temporarily become interested in the same activities that a woman likes.

But it won't last long. Exactly until the narcissist feels that his chosen one has already been caught in the net. From this moment on, he will gradually begin to show his true essence.

At first, it may be ridiculing some minor shortcomings of a woman. Moreover, being offended by such “jokes” is perceived as a weakness, which is also ridiculed. And the narcissist responds to any attempts to respond with the same “joke” with undisguised aggression.

If a serious relationship is built with a woman, then she will be surrounded by care. The narcissist will try to provide her with maximum comfort with a minimum of obligations. He will do everything to make the woman feel safe, renounce communication with friends and even quit her job, just to devote more time to her beloved.

Well, having achieved what he wanted, he changes tactics, forcing his companion to focus on her weakness and helplessness. Like, she is nothing without such a strong man. And he loves her, despite the fact that she is a nonentity.

The idyll in such relationships comes only when the woman gives up and stops resisting. As long as she admires her man, agrees with him and shows sufficient (according to the narcissist) care, he will be calm and kind. But as soon as she focuses even a little on her own desires, she can forget about peace and quiet.

You can also read: Qualities of a man that women value

Is it possible to recognize an egoist on the first date?

The surest sign of a true narcissist is the so-called “bombardment” of love. Imitating falling in love at first sight is a proven tool in the hands of an egoist. Therefore, all kinds of emphasis on the strength of suddenly flared up feelings should be alarming. As well as attempts to emphasize how similar you are to him.

Consequences of such a relationship

A narcissist is capable of giving bright emotions. Any other man against his background will seem gray and boring. However, having decided to have a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to understand that the impressions (pleasant and not so pleasant) will end immediately after he gets tired of the woman.

Signs of how to recognize a narcissist

It is almost impossible to change the behavior and character of a manipulator . To do this, you need persistent and long-term work with a psychologist. You can try to adapt to the cunning narcissist.

The first step is to clearly identify that the other half is a person with narcissistic disorder. The presence of pathology can be detected by some clear signs.

Heightened self-esteem

An important character trait that distinguishes narcissists is inflated self-esteem.

It is almost impossible to change the behavior and character of the manipulator

If a controversial situation arises, the narcissist considers anyone to be guilty, but not himself. When trying to point out to the manipulator that he caused pain or offended, the person does not admit that he is to blame.

Narcissists do not allow the idea that they might be wrong about anything. At the same time, behind the mask of a bright personality hides emptiness, depression, complexes, and a feeling of insignificance.

Waiting for admiration

Communication with the person continues while he showers the narcissist with a bunch of compliments. Narcissistic individuals crave admiration and praise. Lack of admiration provokes feelings of panic, anxiety, dissatisfaction and aggression in narcissists.

They constantly suspect their other half of betrayal, while they themselves cheat and do not consider it reprehensible. Infidelity confirms confidence in uniqueness and beauty. The feeling of admiration they evoke in the opposite sex gives a feeling of superiority.

Ignoring criticism

Individuals prone to narcissism do not accept criticism. This is perceived as a sign of envy. The person ceases to exist for the narcissist. The main reaction to reproaches is distancing.

How to build a relationship with a narcissist and not lose yourself due to his attacks?

Trying to get adequate behavior or any form of humanity or empathy from a narcissist is like banging your head against a wall. If he suddenly begins to show these qualities, he probably has a selfish motive. The narcissist only behaves like a worthy person when he needs something.

Tina Sweetin, writer

When deciding to have a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to understand that he is a manipulator with a fragile inner world, dependent on the opinions of others and able to manage this opinion. He is able to give an unforgettable range of enchanting emotions. But he has the power to destroy a woman, devastating, devaluing and abandoning her.

If narcissism is pronounced and visible from the very first minutes of meeting a person, it is better to refrain from a serious relationship with him. In those cases where the problem could not be discerned from the very beginning, there are only two normal scenarios:

When a person does not realize that he is a narcissist and categorically refuses to accept the facts confirming this, a woman can only be saved by a decisive break in relations with him.
If narcissism is not so clearly expressed, a man can be persuaded to psychotherapy sessions. An experienced psychologist will help you cope with moderate manifestations of selfishness, which will give you a chance to save your relationship without becoming a victim.

When in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to maintain some distance without completely dissolving into the man. When he surrounds his chosen one with care, she needs to maintain sanity, not succumbing to the temptation to leave only him alone in her world. And in those moments when he moves away, it is important to understand that this is a stage of depreciation, but not the result of women’s mistakes.

Alternating bursts of interest and detachment on the part of the narcissist are a normal phenomenon for him. By accepting this as a character trait of her companion, it will be easier for a woman to maintain her self-esteem.

An additional help can be the understanding that the weaker the reaction to “suddenly cooled feelings”, the sooner the narcissist will return to the tactics of “love bombing”.

Madam, defend yourself!

The best way to protect yourself from these types is to stay away from them. But if you've already fallen in love:

Do not allow caustic criticism towards you. Either criticize him in response, or sharply rebuke him: “I don’t like communicating in this tone.”
Don't sacrifice your interests for him.
Don't allow yourself to be used. You are a person, not a machine to endlessly satisfy his desires.
Communicate with him as equals. After all, narcissists parasitize only those who do not value themselves.

Male narcissism: how to overcome

Coping with this task is quite difficult if a woman has a soft and compliant character. But still, a narcissist can be pushed to work on himself if:

talk about your desires and achieve their fulfillment,
push him to talk about personal things and not use it against him,
create situations in which you are the person in charge of the situation,
do not succumb to manipulation, ignore his attempts to hurt and devalue,
show your strength and self-sufficiency by stopping his attempts to take care of you,
soften his categoricalness with praise for his real achievements.

Yes, all of the above is a tactic of playing on the weaknesses of the “narcissistic egoist.” However, it helps to push the narcissist to the idea that the world does not revolve only around him. To the idea that maybe it’s worth changing something in yourself and starting to be sincerely interested in at least the opinions of your family and friends. And this is already a lot, because such thoughts often lead the narcissist to understand that he has psychological problems.

The center of the world

Surely, a narcissist man knows how to impress.
Smart, successful, charismatic - next to someone like that, you sometimes wonder why he chose you. And he chose for the only reason - so that you would love him. Narcissists are not capable of deep feelings for a woman. The only passion in their life is themselves. And all other people should revolve around them, live for them, love only them. In short, they are egoists the likes of which the world has never seen. Related Article Narcissistic Person: What to do if your partner is a “narcissistic peacock”?

Advice for men on how to get rid of narcissism on their own

Only by recognizing the problem can you deal with it. By sincerely agreeing that he is a narcissist, a man takes the first and most important step towards finding harmony with himself. Having coped with this difficult task, you can move on.

There are four time-tested techniques for successfully managing your narcissism.

Compliance with the 50/50 communication formula

You just need to observe yourself and notice how your conversations are usually structured. If the people you talk to usually only act as listeners, then something is going wrong and needs to change.

To begin with, it is advisable to find topics that are interesting to both interlocutors. Sports, weather, work – it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that the person you are talking to can also express their point of view. And if the interlocutor spoke for about half the time spent on communication, the goal has been achieved.

You should gradually change your usual communication style to an optimal one. At first, two days a week is enough, during which you will try to conduct the right dialogues, choosing topics that are interesting not only to you.

Finding balance

Narcissists tend to overestimate their contribution to the common good. For example, an employed husband is often confident that he is more tired at work than his wife, and therefore daily household chores fall entirely on her shoulders.

To sensibly evaluate your contribution, you can go in two ways. The first is to ask your friends to tell you how important your contribution to the common cause is from their point of view. The second is to feel the burden placed on your partner.

An objective third-party assessment helps you understand how far you are from balance. But this may not help narcissists because they tend to look for the “right” answer and become complacent when they receive it.

Therefore, the second way to assess the weight of your contribution is better. In the case of household chores, you can simply spend your day off and try to complete all your spouse’s daily tasks. As a result, you will be able to sensibly assess how much strength and energy they take from her and whether this is comparable to your daily workload.

Assessing the situation from different points of view

Trying to understand what the situation looks like can help you develop a less selfish position:

from your point of view;
from the point of view of the person involved;
from the point of view of an outside observer.

If you cannot independently imagine all three options, you can use the “help of the audience” - ask the opinion of the person involved and an acquaintance who has nothing to do with the situation.

Adequate self-perception

Narcissists tend to consider themselves better than everyone else, which is why they seek recognition of their own exclusivity. Therefore, the most difficult stage of getting rid of narcissism is learning the art of adequately assessing yourself.

Analysis of your spontaneous impulses helps you cope with this task. For example, you suddenly want to quit because someone took a step up the career ladder while you remain in your current position. You need to consider whether this is due to the fact that the promoted person has more experience, and you have only been in your position for two weeks.

A technique that evaluates the situation from different points of view helps to facilitate the analysis of spontaneous impulses.

Prevention of narcissism

People don't suddenly become narcissists. They grow up with them. It is important for parents who understand this and do not want their son to turn into a narcissistic egoist to learn:

stop being led by children's whims;
praise the child only for real achievements;
express admiration for the child’s achievements to strangers only if his successes seriously exceed generally accepted standards;
explain to your son how much weight someone else’s opinion has and why it needs to be respected;
prevent the indulgence of the child’s whims on the part of older relatives.

Reasons for male narcissism - why does he love only himself?

Everyone wants to be respected, appreciated, loved, etc.

But one of the first rules is love and respect for yourself. After all, who will love and respect us if we don’t do it ourselves? Do you allow yourself to be spanked? You will be spanked. Do you allow household members to sit on your neck? They will sit on your neck. Etc.

That is, how we treat ourselves is how they will treat us. But self-love should not cross the line of adequacy and turn into pleasing one’s own “I”.

Unfortunately, some men (and women too) simply do not see this line, and narcissism begins to manifest itself in all areas of life. And the hardest thing is when it pops up in family life.

What is this narcissism - part of the personality, or is it a mental disorder?