Inferiority complex in psychology - what it is, how to get rid of it

Surely everyone once felt insecure, was nervous before making an important decision or going out in public, and doubted their abilities. However, if this happens regularly, a person’s self-esteem gradually drops and an inferiority complex is formed: I will tell you further about what it is, what is the definition of the concept in psychology and how to get rid of this feeling.

What is an inferiority complex

What does inferiority complex mean? This is a set of negative emotions that manifest themselves as anxiety, a feeling of shame, and confidence in one’s inferiority. All of them are based on the results of comparing oneself with other people.

Most often, an inferiority complex develops in people with physical disabilities. They just hate their appearance. Development can also be affected by social status, intelligence, character, and personal qualities.

Some people have been struggling with the complex for several years. Others suffer from it for the rest of their lives. This leads to serious problems, ranging from depression to the destruction of relationships with family and friends.

The concept of “inferiority complex” was introduced by the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler. He initially applied it to children. In his opinion, every child suffers from such a complex to one degree or another. But this happens due to psychophysiological characteristics.

Remember how, as a child, you also said what you would do when you grow up. In childhood, this attitude towards oneself encourages one to change for the better and grow. But sometimes, under the influence of a number of negative factors, the situation only gets worse.

Many adults are small, resentful children inside. They do not know what safety is, do not believe in themselves and their strengths, and acutely feel helpless. At the same time, they really want to feel love and happiness. And they receive them, but in some perverted way. They show aggression, constantly fight for power and prove personal superiority.

In childhood

Children often develop self-doubt. However, parents who engage in proper upbringing can help get rid of the complex. It is important to know for what reasons this condition can develop in children.

Lack of parental attention and support significantly reduces self-confidence. The child cannot reach his potential, which leads to the formation of a complex. When parents are indifferent to their baby, he grows up handicapped.
Presence of physical disabilities. Often this reason is typical for adolescents with an inferiority complex. This may be due to short stature, unattractive appearance, dysfunction of one of the limbs, or cruelty of peers.
Parental overprotection. Because of this, the baby cannot make decisions on his own; he is afraid of responsibility. This type of parenting can also lead to alcohol addiction.

Signs of an inferiority complex

An inferiority complex has pronounced signs. The appearance of at least one of them should alarm. People suffering from this problem live with fear. They are afraid of making mistakes, they try to please others and meet their expectations. Sometimes they completely forget about their desires and needs.

Diffidence

A person has such low self-esteem that he does not allow himself to make plans, fulfill desires and dreams, or strive for meaningful results. And first of all, this affects the psycho-emotional sphere. The individual does not know how to make decisions, is afraid to act, and feels constant tension.

People with an inferiority complex do not know in which area they would like to realize themselves. They may be dreaming about something, but they constantly push the dream into the background. At the same time, they consider themselves not smart or capable enough.

Voltage

It's about emotional stress. It deprives a person of a full life, joy, and freedom. He simply does not allow himself to be happy.

An inferiority complex causes anxiety due to the fact that one cannot cope with problems. Dejection and apathy become constant companions. As a result, in addition to psychological tension, muscle tension develops. Devastation follows.

Excessive self-criticism

Another symptom of an inferiority complex. Man is in a constant search for his shortcomings. He believes that in all situations he is worse than others. Constantly compares himself with others and, of course, does not win in comparison.

As a result, the individual withdraws into himself and refuses to do anything. And, what is especially sad, this can continue for many years.

Disparagement

People with an inferiority complex will never feel like a self-sufficient person. They stubbornly ignore their strengths and character traits. Before their eyes there are only shortcomings. They try to please others by any means possible, while forgetting about their own needs.

According to Freud

This concept was first introduced by Carl Jung. Freud developed several types of this complex, some of which are still considered relevant.

An unrecognized genius. A person with high self-esteem. Such a person is not able to come to terms with the fact that she must obey someone.
Cain. It manifests itself as envy of one brother, who is the eldest, in relation to the other, especially often observed in adolescents.
Polycrates. It manifests itself as a feeling of anxiety, fear that the white stripe will be followed by a black one. A person has fears that retribution for a quiet life will soon come.
Marilyn Monroe. The presence of low self-esteem, a feeling of self-worth only in moments of sexual intimacy, in particular with frequent changes of sexual partners.
Ions. Fear of something good, a person thinks that he is not worthy of being happy and successful.
Napoleon. The emergence of a strong sense of purpose in short men.

Reasons for the complex

According to Adler, the inferiority complex is a consequence of the fear of loneliness, the fear of feeling superfluous, useless, rejected. Also, according to the scientist, most often the complex arises in childhood. It is then that the child experiences a number of restrictions, which, as stated above, are associated with his age characteristics.

Other causes of an inferiority complex are:

physical or cosmetic defects;
lack of independence skills and conditions for their formation;
overprotection, excessive control, suppression of personality on the part of parents;
lack of parental attention in childhood;
psychological trauma, for example, divorce, life in an orphanage, various types of violence;
discrimination;
failures that resulted in unnecessary criticism from others.

It is worth noting that both excessive and insufficient attention from parents can lead to the development of an inferiority complex in a child. In both cases, he does not have the opportunity to become independent, self-confident, and self-sufficient.

In simple terms, suppression of a child’s individuality in childhood leads to an inferiority complex.

It is noteworthy that a number of others develop simultaneously with this condition. Most often it is a superiority complex. It is easy to define: a person behaves extremely arrogantly, constantly brags, and tries to increase low self-esteem by humiliating others.

On the verge of hypocrisy

— Let's move on to the feeling of guilt - this would seem to be the usual state of an Orthodox person...

— The guilt complex is much deeper than the inferiority complex and has a clearer religious connotation. Suffice it to say that to overcome inferiority, competition, improvement, and compensation are necessary. And to overcome feelings of guilt - atonement and forgiveness.

— Does the Orthodox tradition of repentance really provoke a guilt complex?

- In a sense, it provokes. But this does not mean that the Orthodox understanding of repentance is obviously incorrect. After all, the first words in the Gospel are spoken not by Christ, but by John the Baptist, and these are words about repentance: Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! The need for repentance stems from the feeling of the nearness of Christ.

Awareness of one's personal sinfulness is the starting point of spiritual growth. Christianity is not at all a religion of the self-satisfied and self-confident. And, so to speak, the style of our spiritual life is aimed at overcoming our imperfections with the help of God. But you need to know what exactly you are overcoming? Conscience is a delicate instrument that must be properly tuned. Here is Orthodox asceticism, prayer is a kind of tuner of the soul.

In daily prayers and subsequent services, our sinfulness and guilt before God are constantly emphasized. We read the penitential 50th Psalm daily: Behold, I was conceived in iniquity, and in sin my mother gave birth to me...

In prayer before Communion, we call ourselves first from sinners. And what about the text of the Great Penitential Canon of Andrew of Crete, in which our soul is equated with the souls of all biblical sinners and villains, including Lamech, who boasted of murdering his wives?

In prayers when reading the Psalter, self-accusations are pronounced on behalf of the deceased for such sins that the deceased, perhaps, did not know... And there is also the famous “Scenic Repentance.” This very poetic prayer, which, in my opinion, was circulated mainly among the Old Believers, contains such a list of sins that you are surprised how inhalation and exhalation were not included in it.

— It turns out that it is normal for an Orthodox Christian to consider himself the most sinful, to believe that he is nothing, just a tool, that he is really the worst of all?

— I would not call such an attitude towards myself truly Orthodox. What scope for hypocrisy here! I remember Kuprin’s story “Peaceful Life”, in which a vile man listens with pleasure to the canon of Andrei Kritsky. He presents himself as humble and very Orthodox, but at the same time he ponders the denunciation while listening to the penitential canon. And he doesn’t feel any contradiction.

This is, in a sense, a very familiar type to me.

— That is, the danger of putting on a “mask of humility” concerns everyone who goes through repentance...

- Yes, and a person who is emphatically “humble” in reality can easily turn out to be tough, inflexible, and even unkind. I have dealt with people like this several times. Example. Some time ago I formally directed the Orthodox mercy center. Formally, because my “deputy” was distinguished by rare willfulness and blocked any of my initiatives, not forgetting to ask for forgiveness every time with her eyes downcast... Naturally, she received forgiveness as formal as the request for it. I believe that the business we were doing suffered greatly from this...

From a psychological point of view, a mask is the norm. And from a spiritual point of view, what could be worse than hypocrisy? Woe to you, hypocrite Pharisees! - this is the most frequent invective that we hear from the lips of the Savior.

— If a person doesn’t really consider himself the worst, but continues to say “I’m a sinner, I’m worse than everyone else,” does this necessarily lead to internal conflict and hypocrisy?

- Not really. Paradoxically, the hypocrite does not experience internal conflict and, from his point of view, is completely healthy. And, therefore, he will never turn to a psychologist. His psychological defense mechanisms work perfectly. In a sense, life for such a person is a masquerade; he can rejoice in the fact that the mask suits him, that it is better than other masks. Psychologists talk about “masks”, about the “false self”. Just recently I read an article by the famous child psychologist Donald Winnecott on this topic. He considers the dominance of false ideas about oneself to be a very dangerous condition. It's not like a person will get sick from it. He just won't live his life...

— In what sense?

“He will constantly chase a non-existent ideal, try to correspond to a certain image of himself that has formed in his head and which he considers worthy of the approval of the people around him.

— Can self-blame - unhypocritical - even be considered a normal, healthy human state?

— Self-accusation is the usual state of mind of one who delves into the meaning of liturgical texts and strives in prayer to identify himself with a completely fallen sinner. But it often happens that we overemphasize our sinfulness - this means that we either skim the surface of our prayers of repentance, not understanding or listening, or this is some kind of internal protest...

Everything needs moderation. Getting bogged down in thoughts about sins is just as dangerous as getting bogged down in sins. Only the dangers are different.

— But how, in this case, should you treat the words of prayers of repentance if you sincerely cannot take them personally?

“Sometimes you need to feel it deeply.” To call from the depths. But this is far from psychological topics; I would leave these questions to my confessor.

Humility and/or dignity?

— What is humility in the language of psychology?

“It seems to me that this is a calm state of mind, a willingness to accept any challenge. Psychologists will say “high frustration tolerance,” but it is not appropriate to answer questions about humility in our terms. In addition, humility presupposes a willingness to act calmly and correctly with other people, “without upsetting or embarrassing anyone,” as they say in the prayer of the last Optina elders.

Narcissism, painful resentment, irritability - all this contradicts the concept of humility. One can say almost the same thing about humility that the Apostle Paul says about love - it does not exalt itself, does not seek its own...

— From a psychological point of view, what positive aspect is there in humility and repentance?

— There is a serious element of reality in self-deprecation. We not only consider ourselves sinners. We really are. Our achievements are also not so great. And our world is not so perfect. And we are all powerless before the greatness of God and His creation. And the ability to see yourself in the world as you really are is a great thing. In the end, self-control and a sober view of oneself is exactly what a good psychologist should develop in his client.

There are, however, psychological trends that encourage a person to forget fear and reproaches of conscience, and openly express his hostility and aggression. But I don’t belong to these directions.

— By eradicating his shortcomings, belittling himself, a believer does not have the right to notice his merits and attach importance to his successes? We are worthless slaves, because we did what we had to do (Luke 17:10)…

— Rather, I shouldn’t focus on my successes, but, of course, every person notices his own successes. And really, a believer cannot appreciate what he does? Another thing is that a believer knows the value of these successes. And that we do not have the right to trumpet at all crossroads about the “good deeds” we have performed. We don’t carry our self-esteem around like a piece of cake. In a sense, ideally, faith should be a vaccine against narcissism.

That's what's important! Don't look for victories in your relationship with God. Here is the ending of Rilke's poem, translated by Pasternak:

Whom that Angel defeated, He rightly, not proud of himself, Comes out of such a battle In consciousness and in the prime of his strength. He will not seek victories. He waits for the higher principle to defeat Him more and more often, in order to grow in response to him.

— And the words: “Everything bad in me is from me, everything good is from God” - the position of a weak, passive person?

“You shouldn’t talk about this seriously.” In my opinion, such a formulation contradicts the famous words of Christ: the Kingdom of God is within you.

And the idea that a believer is obviously inferior, weak is offensive and does not correspond to reality. The list of great believers is so huge that there is no point in even discussing this issue.

— Doesn’t a person’s self-esteem and individuality suffer because he tries to humble himself and does not attach importance to his successes?

- Individuality - in no way! It is described by a thousand psychological characteristics, and narcissistically inflated self-esteem can only be called the leading one in pathology. Accuracy, pedantry, restraint, impulsiveness - do these traits depend on self-deprecation?

— What about self-esteem?

— Humility and recognition of one’s own sins and weaknesses does not diminish a person’s dignity, but simply removes this issue. Because, from the point of view of a believer, if God “made him a little lower than the angels, crowned him with glory and honor” - isn’t this the highest dignity of a person? Is it not in the indestructible image of God?

Inferiority complex in men

In men, an inferiority complex is a consequence of an excess or lack of maternal love. It manifests itself in unmotivated aggression, arrogance, and attachment to things that emphasize masculinity.

In psychology, there are several forms of inferiority complex in men:

King David syndrome. A man tries to “slow down” aging by choosing a young girl as a companion.
The boss syndrome is a constant emphasis on one’s virtues and masculinity.
Napoleon syndrome is ambition, vanity, a painful desire to always succeed in everything.
Fear of sexual problems.
Lost Energy Syndrome. It most often develops in men over 50 years of age.
Lot's syndrome - fear of giving one's daughter away in marriage.
Hercules syndrome - dependence on a woman in terms of finances, etc.
Kotovsky syndrome - shaving hair so that no one notices baldness.
Don Juan syndrome is a quick break in relationships with absolutely all girls.

In men, the formation of an inferiority complex most often occurs against the background of physical disabilities, poor financial situation, and impotence. Don't forget about appearance. In particular, representatives of the stronger sex attach great importance to height.

Defense mechanism and signs

The human brain will find an answer to everything, especially when it comes to survival and adaptation. The response to the conviction of one's own worthlessness, unattractiveness and inadequacy is an inflated Ego, or pride, arrogance.

So that no one notices the personality problem, an image is created based on overcompensation. That is, a person does not simply reproduce those traits that he lacks (in his opinion), but exaggerates them, as if masking a hole in his soul. From the outside it looks like:

like arrogance;
superiority over others;
absolute correctness and awareness always and in everything;
humiliation and insult of other people;
deliberate love for oneself and one’s appearance;
swagger and impudence;
demonstrativeness, boasting;
showing off;
inadequate attempts to assert oneself through the cultivation and demonstration of material achievements, the number of partners, and so on;
defiant behavior and the desire to earn the attention of others in any way;
arguing until you are hoarse in order to defend your rightness.

You can endlessly patch up a hole with money, cars, girls, men, humiliation of other people, outrageousness, you can create the illusion of a self-confident (and even too self-confident) person. But this will not solve the real reason and will not heal the wound, self-esteem will remain low, the fear of attention and evaluation from others will remain, and smart people around will sooner or later understand the real reason for this behavior.

“The best defense is an attack,” says the defense mechanism of the psyche. And a person, so that no one notices his shortcomings and imperfections, looks for in other people something that he can pay attention to and thereby distract him from himself. Therefore, those who have faced cruelty and humiliation in the future often humiliate and criticize others in defense of themselves.

But there is a second model of behavior caused by an inferiority complex. It is the opposite of the previous one. The person remains in the role of humiliated and insulted. Among the signs:

inadequate chronic feelings of shame and guilt;
self-humiliation, humiliation;
victim position;
the desire to evoke self-pity;
internal prohibitions on expressing emotions (aggression, discontent), defending one’s rights and personal boundaries, fulfilling desires and satisfying needs;
increased anxiety;
psychosomatic disorders;
wariness and suspiciousness;
avoiding traumatic conditions (depending on the individual case, for example, if a person is dissatisfied with his appearance, he refuses to be photographed, does not look in the mirror).

With this behavior, a person tries to get what he lacked and lacks: love, care, recognition and acceptance, support.

Inferiority complex in women

In women, one of the main reasons for the development of the complex is appearance. It has its own signs:

non-acceptance of external data, physique;
denial of being female;
non-acceptance of male representatives;
constant feeling of guilt;
fear of being alone;
worries that inner potential has never been revealed;
the certainty that no one loves a woman and cannot love her.

A woman who suffers from an inferiority complex is not confident in herself. She becomes withdrawn, too self-critical. She devalues everything she has achieved.

Put on a scarf, throw away the cigarette, stop wearing a short skirt3

And other statements in the same spirit from the lips of a beloved man. At first they seem like cute manifestations of concern, then you want to laugh, “Oh, hi mom! Well disguised!”, then they just start to get annoying. If you continue to follow these tips, you gradually begin to feel like you are returning to the state of an unreasonable baby. This baby, without the supervision of a wise mother, pokes his eye out with a fork and falls face down into a plate of semolina porridge.

Why is he doing this? It’s clear why, he feels uncomfortable next to an adult woman. After all, she can do a lot herself: from choosing clothes to a successful project. Therefore, it is necessary to turn her (the woman) into an infantile creature incapable of independent action.

Why is an inferiority complex dangerous?

An inferiority complex provokes the development of a number of mental disorders:

thoughts of suicide;
dependence on other people, living conditions, certain habits;
neuroses;
chronic depression;
degradation;
persistent feelings of guilt, self-pity, self-flagellation;
destruction of relationships, family breakdown;
loneliness, isolation, an attempt to completely exclude contact with the outside world.

As you can see, an inferiority complex entails very disastrous consequences. And the saddest thing is that many of them are irreversible.

How to get rid of an inferiority complex

You can treat an inferiority complex either independently or with the help of a specialist, for example, a psychoanalyst. The main thing is to understand and eradicate the reason why it appeared.

Self-treatment

The first and most important rule is to find out what led to the development of the problem. It's easy to do. First, you need to think again about situations where hurtful words were spoken to you. You don't necessarily really deserve them. The second step is to relive and let go of the grievances. Understand that all people can make mistakes.

There are other recommendations:

Learn to look at yourself through a positive lens. Find positive qualities and advantages in yourself. Remember all your successes and achievements. Write them down on a piece of paper and review them from time to time.
Work on your weaknesses. Remember, you can get rid of them. Find your motivation. This could be reading self-development books, attending seminars and trainings, listening to audio books, or meeting successful people. Take every opportunity to change for the better.
Take criticism less sensitively. Most often, it is not directed at you personally, but at your actions or the situation as a whole. Remember that in psychology, an inferiority complex is, first of all, not the remarks themselves, but how you react to them.
Learn to accept compliments adequately. Do not look for a catch in the words of the person speaking them. Thank you for your kind words. If you are sure of insincerity, simply move the conversation to another topic.
Keep a diary. Just don’t need to write down everything that happens to you. Let this be a diary of your successes and achievements. This is a good way to combat an inferiority complex, another proof that you have something to be proud of.
Love yourself. No, of course, you shouldn't become a narcissist. It's about healthy self-esteem. A simple exercise will help you raise it. Standing in front of the mirror, say something good about yourself, give compliments.
Don't compare yourself to other people. This is the biggest mistake. Remember, you are an individual. Under any circumstances, remain yourself.
Play sports, change your image. All this will give you self-confidence. Don't be afraid to change, even if the changes are drastic.

And one more piece of advice: talk to someone you trust. The support of your family and friends will help you find the strength to get rid of your inferiority complex. Perhaps these people will talk about their experience of dealing with it.

Working with a psychologist

The help of a psychologist is needed if the above-described methods of getting rid of an inferiority complex turned out to be ineffective. Most often, specialists use 4 methods in practice:

Psychological trainings. There are several types. One example: divide a blank sheet of paper into 2 parts with a vertical line. On the one hand, write down your good qualities, and on the other, your bad ones. Afterwards, the psychologist cuts the sheet in half. He gives a list of positive traits to the client. The negative ones need to be destroyed.
Family therapy. It is carried out in cases where the cause of the inferiority complex is psychological trauma from childhood. Family members, in particular parents, are involved in the work.
Personification. An effective way to get rid of an inferiority complex. The psychologist sets an interesting task for the client. He needs to talk to some inanimate object. In a conversation, you can express absolutely everything that worries you. We need to speak out. If desired, such exercises can be done at home, talking, for example, with pets.
"Protective field." An interesting way to overcome an inferiority complex. A person needs to mentally cover himself with a dome every time someone unjustifiably criticizes him or makes caustic remarks. This will help protect against negativity.

These are just some of the ways to overcome an inferiority complex. Which one will be used in a particular case depends on the situation. Complex therapy is often carried out.

How to deal with this?

If you find at least one such complex in your chosen one, then do not rush to sound the alarm. Psychologists believe that it is not always necessary to interfere in someone else’s life - a person must want it himself, otherwise there will be no point. It is possible that with the help of such a syndrome a man compensates for some of his other shortcomings, and at the moment the mental system is in a fragile balance. It is unknown what else will “crawl out” from the hidden corners of your soul if you now begin to actively “shatter” existing complexes.

However, if it is obvious that in this way a man is very much ruining his life, then something needs to be done about it. First, praise and support your man more often. This is the female function, and our insecure chosen ones especially need it. Emphasize what your partner does well and what he does great. Shortcomings must be reported carefully and correctly, preferably in the form of “I-statements”: “I feel sad when you…”.

Most men believe that they need to be like supermen, not afraid of anything or anyone. But this is impossible! Explain to your partner that it is normal for him to be worried or afraid about something. Fear performs a defensive function and helps a person go in the right direction. And those men who do not show it simply hide it deep inside themselves. Usually the situation is further complicated by the fact that a person begins to be afraid of his own fear, because it seems to him a manifestation of weakness.

You can even play a humorous game called “Conquer Your Complex.” When you have discovered what is stopping your partner from living happily ever after, make it your enemy. Every time the complex manifests itself, the man will not have to follow its lead. On the contrary, you will need to do something that will help him “click” the complex on the nose.

Do you think it’s easy to live in the world with such “purely male” problems? It seems to us that not very much. Men are our support and strength, but they also have their weaknesses. So let's not once again darken their already difficult life!