A selfish man: is it possible to build a happy relationship with him?

A narcissistic, egoistic man can clearly demonstrate his character traits precisely during family life. The tendency to selfishness is inherent in both men and women. This is not surprising, because the presence of traits of selfishness in individuals is quite justified, since, according to the interpretation in social psychology, selfishness is a person’s desire to put his goals and desires above others.

Selfish behavior of people, as a rule, manifests itself most strongly when alone, outside of a couple. When a person is in a relationship, selfishness fades into the background, since relationships in a couple or family are, first of all, a partnership. Women are not characterized by manifestations of selfishness in the family, which cannot be said about men.

Character traits and behavioral characteristics of a selfish man

Each man has an individual character.

Selfishness manifests itself in different ways. But this behavioral feature has a number of common characteristic features.

Among them are the following behavioral features:

An egoist very rarely asks a woman about her well-being, does not ask questions about her life, because he is simply not interested.
Such a man will not even think of asking his wife if she has eaten, if she has taken medication, or if she is tired of looking after the children all day. He would rather ask (or even demand) to be “fed, watered and put to bed” as soon as possible.
A selfish guy will not court a girl. He won't pick her up before the date, won't give her flowers, won't buy her a small gift. After all, he has, as it seems to him, much more serious reasons to spend time and money on himself. And “on oneself” is the key word here.
When the woman of a selfish man does household chores (cleaning, cooking, ironing), it will never even occur to him to offer help.
Without asking, without warning, he goes to have fun: to clubs, bars, on picnics with friends. He doesn’t invite his woman anywhere with him.
An egoist is always also a narcissistic man. He loves to listen to compliments and praise in order to be convinced of his attractiveness and exclusivity. Although he himself never makes reciprocal gestures of attention.
When a guy suffering from excessive selfishness is sick, he is always “almost on the verge of death” and is ready to write a will with a temperature of 37 degrees. However, if his beloved falls ill, he speaks very disparagingly about the fact that she, with a migraine, runny nose and cough, does not want to go to the kitchen and make him tea.

That is, male egocentrism in close relationships manifests itself in caring exclusively about oneself.

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Such a person is only interested in himself, but at the same time expects those around him to forget about their needs and desires for his sake.

What is male egoism?i

Selfishness is the achievement of set goals and satisfaction of one’s needs at the expense of other people. Often, selfishness is closely related to narcissism - this psychological disease, with its own characteristics and traits, is skillfully woven into a person’s character.

Unfortunately, the clinical picture of the disease is such that it cannot be treated, so a woman caught in the snare of a narcissistic egoist must either come to terms with her choice or leave this man forever and forget about him like a bad dream.

Narcissistic men, as a rule, do not grieve for a long time after breaking up with a previous passion. All they can worry about is the speedy or even immediate search for another simpleton to satisfy their needs and desires.

Why do men become selfish?

Most often, male selfish people are people spoiled by female attention in childhood. For example, their mother fulfilled their whims at the first request, and when they grew up, they began to expect the same attitude from other women in their lives.

Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes a self-centered man is a person deeply traumatized in childhood. He lacked attention, love and care at an early age. There is no clear framework in the matter of character formation; each case is exceptional and individual in its own way.

Who are egoists and where do they come from?

A man is an egoist
As a rule, egoism begins to develop from childhood. To figure out where your husband got this from, you need to find out what kind of people he lived with, whether they loved him, whether he has complexes, and so on.

Mom and Dad's favorite

This situation often occurs in families when children are raised alone. Everyone pampers him, gives him gifts, does not scold him and fulfills any requests. In other words, as our beloved son said, this is how we should do it. Accordingly, he gets used to it, and now, as an adult, he does not understand that not everything in life revolves around him. He believes that everyone owes him, his wishes should be fulfilled in an instant, and disobedience threatens a big scandal and hysteria. It is almost impossible to re-educate such a person.

Sissy

This option is something like the first, but only the man grows up not to be selfish, but also demanding. Moreover, his mother will climb everywhere and give advice, which he will definitely listen to. If you get such a husband, then get ready for his whims. He will also tell his mother everything, and she will support him. Besides, you will always be bad for her.

With complexes

If a man was brought up in a dysfunctional family and had to endure poking and bullying from his peers, then in adult life he can achieve good success. Over time, he will understand that he can be loved and will even learn to demand this from others. Of course, having met a woman, he will demand love from her. In this case, all is not lost and such a person can be corrected.

How to build a relationship with a selfish man

Male egocentrism can be defeated with the help of female cunning. It is unlikely that it will be possible to destroy it completely, but if you make some efforts, such manifestations in a man’s character will greatly decrease.

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A few examples of how to defeat male egoism:

For example, a girl bought something sweet for tea, but while she was preparing dinner, the gentleman ate the purchased sweets (every last crumb!). And he didn’t even think to ask if his beloved wanted to try this dessert! What to do in this case? Approach with a plaintive (but not reproachful) look, asking: “Why didn’t you share with me?” Then you can shed a tear, making yourself look more unhappy. A loving man will definitely be visited by the thought that he is doing something wrong.
If a man “participates and spends,” but does it alone, turning into a miser next to the woman he loves, the “knock it out with wedge” tactics can help. A woman should also go meet her friends, update her wardrobe, go to a couple of exhibitions, or, for example, leave her salary at the bar. That is, spend money only on yourself. And do it as ostentatiously as possible. When a man makes a complaint about this, you should remind him in a harsh manner that he behaves in exactly the same way!
If your husband refuses to help around the house even with basic things, you need to hint to him that, after all, his wife is not a dishwasher or a free cleaner. Then try to stop doing household chores for a while, taking time for yourself. And leave unwashed cups in the sink, don’t wipe crumbs from sandwiches off the table, etc. Of course, after a while the man will definitely ask what’s going on. Here it is necessary to make it clear to him: “Darling, we live here together! I don't have to serve you around the clock! Since you are my husband, be kind and help me!”
In the fight against male egoism, you can try to put pressure on the most important thing. On a man's love for himself. For example, not complimenting him for a long time, and then unexpectedly praising him, adding a small request or wish at the end. The likelihood that he will immediately run to do what he was asked to do is 80%.
Sometimes a conversation with an indication of his shortcomings and mistakes in relationships helps to correct a narcissistic man. But these are isolated cases, because no one likes to be criticized.
If a woman is already married to an egoist, it becomes much more difficult to fight this unpleasant character trait. After all, her husband has already got what he wanted, which means he thinks like this: “Why should I try? She's already mine! So I won’t change for her.” Here you need to very subtly, almost transparently, hint that this state of affairs does not suit the woman. As an illustrative example, you can go somewhere alone a couple of times, start wearing brighter makeup, and dress more revealingly. The partner, out of fear of losing his love, will come to his senses and begin to make efforts again.

Basically, all these examples of how to build a relationship with a selfish man are based on the fact that it is necessary to nip manifestations of self-centeredness in the bud. Be a little tough, don't make concessions.

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Living with a person who has all the signs of narcissism is very difficult, but love can conquer a lot. The main thing is not to be afraid! Don’t be shy to interrupt and communicate your desires! Hint about gifts (sometimes even insist and blackmail!), make comments, demand attention and care!

Self-centered behavior can be corrected, but not immediately.

What types of egoism are there?

Unhealthy (irrational) egoism can be classified into the following types:

Narcissism. Such a person loves exclusively himself. He considers himself perfect, having no flaws and doing only the right things. He is characterized by arrogance and narcissism, he is able to admire himself in the mirror for a long time and receives great pleasure from the admiration of others, considering this the only expected reaction to his person. Narcissists are characterized by the realization of only their desires, they are not capable of selfless acts, and they are also not distinguished by the ability to empathize. They do not know how to love; in relationships they allow themselves to be loved, believing that by doing so they are gifting their chosen one.
Inflated egoism. This type of egoism is characterized by a tendency to manipulate others and a sense of possessiveness. This type of egoist will not take into account the interests of others. He lives with the firm belief that everyone around him is obliged to satisfy his whims. An inflated egoist agrees to show benevolence only when it is required to achieve his goal.
Egocentrism. This type refers to the highest degree of egoism, since it includes the fixation of all life positions exclusively on one’s own personality. Psychologists classify egocentrism as a character trait rather than a behavioral flaw. Egocentrics are known for excessive suspiciousness, which can take the form of paranoia. They are not alien to self-criticism and the ability to admit mistakes made. But the need for approval and encouragement from others is alien to them.

Decision-making

This is the most difficult step and difficult decision.

No matter how much this person means, you have to question whether you are truly being used in the relationship. Learn to see the signs and, more importantly, learn to accept them.

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We recognize egoists in representatives of the stronger sex

Have you met a narcissistic egoist on your life's path? The main thing here is to immediately understand that this is him. Does he like to talk about himself? An egoist guy often talks about his successes already at the first meeting, looks at himself, and is very neat. He will order dinner at a restaurant or cafe, guided only by his own preferences or insisting on his choice. He will take you where he wants, completely uninterested in your desires. If you still couldn’t recognize male egoism right away or it didn’t seem like something frightening to you, you will have to either come to terms with it and move on with your life, or learn to identify the signs of a male egoist in order to decide whether you need such happiness ? And if it’s still necessary, then what can you play on, how to make an egoist fall in love with you?

Take action

When you feel that you have the strength to stand up for yourself, make a decision and communicate it. After breaking up, try to spend more time in nature, make it a habit to take an evening walk, sign up for a gym, or start learning a new language or profession.

Increasing activity will relieve sad thoughts and allow you to quickly start a new life.

If there is the slightest opportunity to change the situation and your partner, use it, only in critical cases take drastic measures. After all, your own well-being, well-being and happiness are no less important.

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Loss of illusions

So the wedding troubles are over. In the refrigerator are the remains of a multi-tiered festive cake, pieces of fried chicken, and in vases everywhere there are little by little fading flowers. In the center of this entire composition are the sleeping newlyweds. They are so tired that they cannot open their eyes. But nothing, adults just take pity on the young and rejoice, dreaming that this marriage will be the happiest.

Days pass. The newly-made husband and wife address each other only as “cat”, “fish”, “my Johnny Depp”, “my beauty”, etc. And here is the first quarrel. Usually it passes quickly (we are talking about normal families), then out of the blue a second quarrel arises. Here, words like “stupid”, “stupid”, pig”, “cow”, etc. are gradually entering the newlyweds’ vocabulary.

The vocabulary of quarreling young people is simply limitless. And at a certain moment, the wife calls her husband “selfish.” Why would this former “true man” suddenly turn into someone who, as it turns out, was not one at all? In fact, a woman sees in front of her someone who lives only for himself. In any case, she is sure of it. Although, to be honest, she is lying.

Signs

Communication with an egoistic man deprives a woman of mental strength and exhausts her mentally. Therefore, most ladies try to avoid them in every possible way. The main signs that a man is an egoist in a relationship with a woman:

Irresponsible attitude towards others. He does not fulfill requests, constantly ignores them, and tries in every possible way to refuse. But if he feels the benefit, he will definitely help.
Narcissistic, proud, unable to admit his own mistakes.
Emotional abuse. A partner with such a person is constantly subjected to moral and verbal humiliation.
Makes decisions alone, without listening or being interested in other people's opinions. In any situation, he relies only on himself.
He likes to be praised and does not tolerate criticism.
He keeps everything under control. When he loses control, he behaves inappropriately.
Wants to constantly feel cared for without giving anything in return.
He asserts himself at the expense of the girl, constantly pointing out her complexes.

Another sign of selfishness in men in relationships with women is that a narcissistic partner is not interested in the feelings of his partner, her health, personal affairs and life.

"Failing" tactics

If you ask your friends what to do if your husband is selfish, they will probably recommend that you “mirror” your husband’s behavior and act in similar situations the same way as him. At first glance, this is fair and should work, clearly showing your spouse that he is acting selfishly, but Sympaty.net warns you against such actions.

As a result, you risk getting more quarrels and one more selfish person in the family.

“Substantive conversation” should also be considered one of the wrong tactics.

Imagine: “Honey, I want to talk to you seriously. You are selfish." It is unlikely that a constructive conversation will move beyond this phrase. Likewise, you should not give an ultimatum and threaten divorce, although it is believed that selfish people are extremely afraid of being left alone.

But in this case, maybe it’s better to leave right away? Why then are you and I starting all this?

There are different types of egoists

Let's first figure out what type of egoist your beloved hubby can be classified as. After all, there are several varieties of this kind of navel of the earth.

Smart - this type is not capricious, does not get into the bottle, does not stick out itself. But he always comes first in everything.
Inveterate - with his egocentrism, he gives no rest to anyone - neither relatives nor friends.
Aggressive - you are unlikely to be able to cope with such a person. Not only does he consider himself the center of the universe, but there are no others around at all. And if you object to him even with a word, expect a violent, negative, one might even say, angry reaction. You absolutely cannot contradict him - you will be humiliated and insulted in return. You cannot connect your life with such a person. And if you happen to be his wife, run away before he completely ruins your life.

What should a woman do?

Loving wives always suffer when faced with such a problem.

After all, before the wedding, the husband seemed like a different person.

And now he has ceased to be interested in her desires , puts his needs above the needs of the children, can go on a visit or go fishing at any time, leaving his wife at home alone with a lot of problems and chores around the house.

Sooner or later, women who find themselves in a similar situation are faced with the question - what to do next?

Breaking off relationships and leaving the family is a last resort. First, it makes sense to talk with your husband about the pressing problem, take a number of actions and slightly change your own behavior pattern:

You should slowly begin to involve your husband in household chores .
You shouldn’t immediately put all the household chores on him. Responsibility for home comfort and hearth still lies on the fragile shoulders of the housewife. But the spouse should also make a contribution as much as possible, feeling involved in the housework.
You need to stop putting your husband's wishes above your own . Having turned into a gray mouse without the right to vote, the wife loses the chance to change something in family relationships.
If a man takes care of himself, keeps himself in good shape and looks impeccable, then this is very commendable. But a woman should not lag behind him , so she needs to worry about her own development. If your spouse completely rejects going to the movies, theaters or museums, this is not a reason to give up your favorite leisure time. You need to live a full life. Broadening your horizons, making new acquaintances and interests will have a positive impact on family relationships.
At certain moments you need to be able to show persistence and demand. You shouldn’t give up your point of view just because your husband doesn’t listen and constantly interrupts. Harmony in family relationships requires dialogue, not monologue. It is necessary to convey to the husband that his behavior is unacceptable.
There is no point in creating scandals . This is more likely to harm the relationship than help improve it. The home atmosphere should be calm, conducive to relaxation and intimate conversations.
There is no need to tell your spouse that he is wrong. You can offer him your own solution to the problem and lead him to the conclusion that it will be better.
In the company of friends and acquaintances, one should not allow a husband to belittle his dignity. If he really deserves it, he should be praised.
But groundlessly encouraging your man’s already inflated ego is highly discouraged. An egoist is dependent on the opinions of others. He wants people to admire him and adore him, taking it for granted. Therefore, it is necessary to stop the flight of his imagination, saying words of gratitude to him only for real deeds, and not those that he invented or attributed to himself.

Sometimes life with an egoist becomes simply unbearable . Loving women often make an effort and accept their husbands for who they are.

However, you still shouldn’t give up ahead of time. If you cannot rehabilitate a selfish man through your own efforts, you can always turn to experienced specialists for recommendations.

A few final words and tips

Now you know how to deal with selfishness, and you can make some efforts to teach your loved one to be different. Yes, it’s not easy to fight with your husband on this issue, but living with an egoist is never easy.

Finally, I will give advice to those who still doubt that they will be able to do something without a psychologist.

Every person wants to live happily, in harmony with his family, and be proud of it. Gradually convey to your spouse that if he stops being selfish, he will not lose reason to be proud, he will simply be different.
If you cannot determine whether your spouse is selfish or not, talk to your loved ones and listen to their opinions. Sometimes it’s much clearer from the outside. It is, of course, better to communicate without the “culprit of events.”
As soon as you notice signs of selfishness, be sure to put the person in his place. Every person - including you - has the right to live calmly and joyfully, for the sake of themselves and their loved ones, and not to please their husband.

And of course, don’t forget about yourself and your desires! I hope my advice will help you determine whether your spouse is selfish and re-educate him. Make an effort, think everything through well, and you will definitely achieve the desired result.

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Advice from psychologists

What to do if a man is an egoist in a relationship with a woman interests many. According to the advice of psychologists, it will be easier to communicate with a self-centered person if you use the following techniques:

If disagreements arise between partners, they are discussed immediately. The conversation is conducted calmly, without shouting. All arguments are stated clearly. You cannot criticize a narcissistic man, otherwise he will run away from the conversation.
Show more interest in your partner’s activities and hobbies. It’s worth checking in every day to see how he’s doing. Selfish natures love to hear praise from their beloved, when they are admired and idolized. Accept this desire and play by its rules.
A woman who is next to an egoist man must be completely ideal. It is not necessary to be a careerist, it is enough to be a good mother, a housewife and completely subordinate to your spouse.

A man’s selfishness towards a woman can be somewhat “smoothed out.” But you should not be under any illusions. Most likely, the partner will still love himself more than his soulmate.

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