Why doesn't a man want sex? Men's illnesses, overwork, stress

October 23, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Raisa Bogacheva

If a man doesn't want sex with you, it's not always a sign of illness, fatigue, or having an affair. Desire comes and goes. Of course, it's hard not to be upset if your partner doesn't want sex with you. We need to try to understand why this happens. Why doesn't a man want sex? There can be many reasons. We will consider a number of them further.

The husband has lost his desire. What to do?

There are several options that will help you get out of this delicate situation. However, first you need to figure out the reason.

Often family quarrels result in bed problems, and what happens is that your man doesn’t want you. In some cases, a man does not want sex if he believes that he cannot satisfy his woman. Sometimes a third extra appears, because of which the family collapses and sexual relationships come to naught.

To solve the problem that has arisen, the couple needs to sit down and talk, listen to each other and understand their other half. Still, conversation is a very important step to creating strong relationships. Don’t rush to conclusions; you don’t need to do something rashly without listening to your partner.

How to talk about this with your husband

Talk

The conversation, if the husband does not want his wife, should take place in a calm atmosphere. It is unacceptable to create scandals - this will only worsen the problem. The main condition is a friendly tone. You cannot take the position of both a prosecutor, a judge and a victim.

The spouse may refuse to have a serious conversation. If this happens, it is worth finding out the reason. You cannot set a condition before your husband: “I want to talk to you. Put down what you're doing and listen." It’s optimal to start a conversation with the words: “I would like to talk to you about a serious topic. When will you have free time?

You can increase the level of trust if you give your spouse a foot massage 2-3 times a week. The time of one procedure is 10-15 minutes. It is recommended to use creams and oils. It is allowed to add aphrodisiacs with a pleasant smell to them. After about 2-3 procedures, the level of trust will increase, and you will be able to talk normally with your husband.

Depressive state

The most common reason why a man does not want sex is the frequent depression into which the stronger sex plunges. If he is faced with a problem and does not try to solve it, then he provides himself with an even worse condition. A man wants sex less and less, and relationships with women in general.

If a spouse notices depression in her partner, you need to try to help him as quickly as possible. You should understand that this is not a weak character trait, it is a disease that can be overcome together by turning to the right specialists. With such a disease, the attention and patience of his other half is important for the partner. This becomes especially important if a man decides to undergo treatment in a specialized institution. He will be prescribed antidepressants to help improve his current condition. Some drugs can temporarily suppress sexual desire, which can frighten your partner. The wife should recommend that he consult a doctor to clarify the situation.

Grandma and children are behind the wall...

For new parents, sex takes on a festive coloring. Very often, after diapers, vests, and baths, there is simply no time or energy left for this. Especially if he actively helps you with this.

Even if you are taking care of the baby yourself, but the baby sleeps in the same bed with you, intimacy can be problematic for obvious reasons. Not to mention when you live with your parents, grandparents and aunts.

There is no room for romance here at all. No chance, no options.

That is why I insist: a worthy man provides his family with enough space for everyone to live a normal and healthy life. Both psychologically and physically. And this moment doesn’t fit in with the parents in the next bedroom.

Neither man nor woman should live with their parents. Turned 25? Find yourself an apartment!

Job

Does your partner often work, spend a lot of time at work, practically live there? Therefore, he is married to work.

Workaholic men spend days at work at work, devoting all their strength and energy to what they love. Maybe the reason for everything is the lack of promotion, climbing the career ladder. Or he just wants to prove his dedication to his work and his professionalism. And the first symptom of overwork is lack of sex. In order to help your partner, you need to try to show interest in his work, show that you care about his hobbies, and try to help him. Then the man will understand that you want to become a part of his life.

Plan a day for two. Think of a special place to visit. Make it a tradition to go to a cafe or to the cinema on weekends. Walking in the fresh air with your cell phones turned off will allow you to enjoy each other to the fullest. A park, theater, or trip out of town can bring you closer together, relieve symptoms of overwork or stress, and remove routine from family life. This will be a big plus; a man will be able to forget about work for a while and move away from professional problems. This way, work will fade into the background, and the woman you love will take a leading position.

He wanted to, but... overslept

Yes, this happens. Biorhythms, diet and sleep patterns affect desire. Sometimes a husband and wife are not a night owl and a lark. For example, you want it in the evenings, but it turns off at 21:00. He is excited in the morning, and at this time you are having your tenth dream.

Men are also susceptible to stress, and often they “fall asleep”. To gain energy for the next day and go fight the world, he needs a good night's sleep. Just give him maximum relaxation, for example, give him a massage.

Stress

Chronic fatigue or stress in men is more often a physical problem. Often the partner does not want sex due to health problems. As a result, fatigue, severe physical activity or illness are some of the reasons for refusing sex. Stress can lead to premature ejaculation or erection problems. To top it off, the man is afraid of not satisfying his partner. You can’t leave it like this, you need to get treatment, and not wait for it to go away on its own. The longer a man’s indecision drags on, the more advanced the disease it leads to.

Sit down and talk to the man and let him open up. Tell him how much you love him, show him that you need him. Give your partner your warmth and explain to him that you support him. Explain that you can tolerate without sex, give the man time to think. After all, stress can lead to many consequences in a man’s body. Because of it, hormonal levels may be disrupted. This often happens in men over 40 years of age, but it can also happen at a younger age. Of course, with age, the production of male hormone decreases. Therefore, sexual desire slowly but surely decreases. At an advanced age, it is recommended to monitor hormone levels and undergo periodic medical tests.

He doesn't see you as a woman

Girls, let's be honest! I very often observe a situation where married women simply stop taking care of themselves.

But in vain!

Ask yourself, are you in your best shape right now? Have you recently updated your wardrobe and looked sexy?

In addition to appearance, there is also communication.

If you nag him, make claims, reproach him, get offended, or are in a bad mood, you push him away.

The other extreme is the role of mom. You look after him like a little son. A NORMAL MAN DOESN'T WANT A MOM!

Well, in general, the lack of mutual understanding, trust, and respect in a couple does not add tenderness to the relationship.

Work on yourself, analyze the roles you play in relationships and finally become yourself. And then upgrade your femininity!

The lady of my heart is no longer attractive

One of the reasons why a man doesn't want sex is that a woman doesn't excite him. This may be due to perfumes that the partner associates with unpleasant memories, for example with an ex-girlfriend. Or I remember some event. Even strict notes in the voice, which are similar to the displeasure of an evil teacher, become a moral injury for a man. Who knows what the male prefers today, because he is so fickle. Here it is important to understand what holds a man back, what scares him or pushes him away from his other half. It is necessary to comprehend changes in the behavior or appearance of the spouse, which will subsequently help solve the problem before it leads to a breakup or scandals. A woman's job is to figure out how to please a man sexually.

Is your man avoiding sex? Useful tips for restoring intimacy.

Are you panicking? Your partner (spouse) has stopped looking at you with sparkling eyes, and every month sex in your couple becomes more and more rare? Just recently, did he stare at all the women around him or did he not take his eyes off your neckline? It seemed to you that he doesn’t think about anything else besides sex, but now everything has changed? You are used to the fact that it is you who control the amount of intimacy in your family, because he always wants it, and you can sometimes refer to a headache or “these days,” but now the situation has gotten out of control, and your beloved man has become malicious "truant"?

Statistics have long been saying that men refuse sex much more often than women, and sex 2 times a week suits 40% of men. What should you do to protect yourself and your spouse from betrayal, maintain the relationship, and enjoy the feelings as in the first months of your life together? It is worth understanding and identifying the cause of the problem. And choose the right way out of the situation.

Fatigue. This, unsurprisingly, may actually be the real reason. Perhaps your partner is opening a new business, trying to improve his and your marital status, and investing too much emotion in a new project. There is simply no energy left for home romance, and thoughts about successful investments and the fear of “burning out” simply crowd out all thoughts of beauty. Meet him halfway. Help you relax and let you rest. Don't strain him mentally and let him enjoy a full weekend. Prepare a relaxing bath or invite you to the sauna. You can wait patiently for your vacation. Enjoy your vacation to the fullest by agreeing in advance that you will leave your laptop at home and will not take all thoughts about your career and work with you. Full relax! When your man feels rested, everything will be restored. This reason is not the end of the world, and if you treat his problems with tenderness and understanding, then everything can work out on its own.
Health. Pay attention or ask your chosen one about his health. Perhaps the decline in your sex life lies precisely in some kind of illness. Men do not like to go to hospitals and put off this moment until the last minute. Take the initiative, sign him up to see a doctor and drag him, even if he resists. By the way, the reason may not only be urology or venereology. A man's sexual activity is greatly affected by heart problems, pressure surges, and excess weight.
Games. This means computer games. Any man is still a child at 45, so various “tanks”, arcades, races, or even online casinos attract the stronger sex, much more often than us. As a rule, they play all the way until their eyes begin to close, and your intimacy is endlessly postponed. Remove all games from the laptop, and instead of the game, offer yourself in “holiday packaging”. He will definitely agree, and after rough sex, invite him to forever replace that game with this one - bed. Jokes that this way you are saving his eyesight.
Age. One of the reasons for the change in sexual activity. Everything here is banal: with every ten years a man psychologically needs sex less than before, and even hysterics will not save the matter. Try to surprise him every time, maybe this will rock your partner and increase the number of his desires.

300 phrases during sex: what words to say to excite your partner

You. Yes Yes. Pay attention to yourself. As offensive as this may sound, perhaps the robe and eternal curlers simply don’t excite him? Take care of your appearance, tighten your abs, do your hair, go on a diet, change your makeup and wardrobe, and maybe he will want to go to bed with you every minute again?
Lack of intrigue. Bombard your partner all day with text messages saying that, for example, today or “Saturday evening” (choose a time when both are rested and no one will disturb you) an unforgettable surprise of an erotic nature awaits him. Believe me, he will be waiting. Men love intrigue.
The effect of surprise. Let your imagination run wild. Buy erotic lingerie, or go to a salon and get an intimate haircut. Visit a sex shop, and, putting aside all embarrassment, buy a few items for yourself and your partner, dress up as a nurse, or buy an erotic costume for role-playing games. Don't hold yourself back and stop being afraid of being judged. Experiment. Perhaps there have long been thoughts in your head about some kind of sexual “idea”, but you tried to hide them even from yourself? Your finest hour has come. Invite your partner to try everything that you have long wanted. Don't forget to clarify what he would like.
Place. Location also plays a role. A banal bed may no longer be of interest to both of you. Invite your partner to fantasize about this topic together. It can be anything. You can retire to the forest for a picnic, and after a romantic conversation and a bottle of wine, make love under the branches of trees, you can visit the beach at night together (both of you will only be excited by the thought of being seen), you can come to his bathroom when he is shaving and propose to him yourself while sitting on a washing machine. You can climb into the bathroom itself if its size allows you to do so. You can offer him sex before breakfast - on the kitchen table, as an aperitif. Use your imagination, come up with ideas and achieve your goal. It will become as interesting to your partner as it is to you, you just have to try it. Down with complexes and embarrassment, you want to be close and make love with the person closest to you, and there is absolutely nothing shameful in this.
Video. Yes Yes. 90 percent of men watch this, no matter how much you would like to convince yourself otherwise. Invite him to watch porn together. And let him choose which one. Light some candles, have a light romantic dinner, drink a bottle of wine and start watching. Don't wear a lot of clothes; it's better to wear something that can be easily removed. Snuggle up to your partner while watching and encourage them to repeat what they like from what they saw. You won't have to persuade him for long, believe me. Don't be complex! Perhaps next time, you will do without the TV, just once spurring your spouse to action.
And the main thing is dialogue. Just talk. You love each other and there should be no secrets in your couple. Perhaps something is tormenting him, perhaps you. Perhaps problems at work are stressful, and therefore have cooled the ardor of your chosen one. Ask him about what fantasies he would like to bring to life. Offer him the above options and listen to your partner’s suggestions. Perhaps he came up with something of his own for you that he had long dreamed of bringing to life, but was afraid to scare you with his unusual desires.

What does BDSM mean in sex and how to practice it correctly

If your relationship is serious, and the feeling between you can be called true love, everything should definitely work out. Don't be afraid to talk to each other about intimate things or bring up the topic of sex in your family. You are not living in the days of the Puritans.

Sex in the family is the key to the health of both, as well as a guarantee of family longevity.

Try to listen to your partner’s opinions and express yours to him, not to “nag,” but to understand the reason for the reduction in his sexual activity. Talk without pressuring. In early youth, men are ready to talk about sex all day long, since indeed, from 18 to 25 years old, sex occupies most of their thoughts. Over the years, later, at critical moments in your sexual life, you can develop a complex in him with one word, not carefully spoken. Love each other and find compromises.

The husband has been “searching for himself” for a long time, and the wife is carrying everything on her shoulders: what should a woman do when the situation has dragged on?

No sensations

Your partner doesn't feel you. It happens that a woman’s muscles are weakened. This may be one of the reasons why a man does not want sex. By the way, the muscles could have stretched due to labor or lost their former elasticity over time. Then the partner’s desire for a sexual nature disappears. And the fear of future failures haunts him. He just stops wanting you. Without any doubt, the worst thing for him could be a decrease in potency. The main thing is to talk, find a compromise and decide to change. To increase muscle elasticity, a woman can be recommended preventive or therapeutic exercises. Or simply engage in active sports that will help strengthen your pelvic muscles.

Got sick

Don't rush to run for Viagra. It’s just that a man may also be unwell. He won't tell you, of course. There will be no whining. Silently he will turn to the other side - and that’s it. At this time you will draw pictures of betrayal, think out vivid details... But in fact, everything is simple - his stomach hurts, for example.

Of course, this doesn't mean you should be relieved to fall asleep. Pay attention to your man. Does he have problems with alcohol or antidepressants, depression, or excess weight? These factors also affect libido. Don’t bother with advice: “Let’s go to the doctor.” Do it technically. As an option, leave a magazine with an article about his problem on the table or an open tab in the laptop.

Excess of aromas

Using strong odors kills male desire. Artificial scents are not that important. Many women forget about the natural body odor, which makes a partner more sexy than the best French perfume. It happens that strong and persistent odors clog the sense of smell, especially alcohol-containing substances. This turns a man off.

It is known that each person receives part of the information about his partner by inhaling the odors emitted through the nose. Perfume contains some of the necessary information that excites a man. At the physiological level, be it sexual intercourse or banal hugs, the nose reads information that is important to it. After using any perfume or cream, this part closes, the partner becomes confused and cannot do anything.

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Ridiculous excuses

A woman is not recommended to refer to migraines or fictitious health problems. Reluctance to fulfill marital duty can forever change a man's attitude towards you. Perhaps the partner will begin to look for the reason in himself or suspect the woman of cheating. Such factors will not lead to warm relationships in bed and will negatively affect mutual understanding in the family. Therefore, sex should become comfortable in everyday life and satisfy the needs of both in the couple.

He has sex. But not with you

Perhaps you miss tenderness and affection from him for a simple reason - he has another. Treason is a topic for a separate article. Cheating does not happen in a vacuum.

And one more thing: both are always to blame and both bear responsibility too. You need to look deeper for the cause and then solve the problem.

I talk in detail about how to learn to understand and hear a man, how to find out what he thinks and how to behave in a harmonious relationship in my author’s free online course “Man: Honest Instructions.”

No soul mate

Emotional intimacy is also very important in a relationship. It happens that a man does not see or feel emotions or moral support. A problem that arose in bed or in everyday life was not voiced in time. The woman showed no emotion once, then twice, and this developed into constant indifference. The easiest way is to start showing your emotions, even in small things. Then the man will feel morally satisfied and will be more confident in himself, which will lead to physical satisfaction.

We must not forget to praise and extol our man, to cultivate in him a sense of need for the family and superiority over other representatives of the stronger sex.

Perhaps your partner’s views on certain things or acceptable standards in bed have changed. Over time, the spouses have lost common interests; the man does not know what to talk about with his wife or what to do with her. He immediately begins to worry, be afraid, and then simply stops acting. Then sex becomes indifferent.

Who can this happen to?

They are so different, these men who are afraid of sexual contact. Oddly enough, it’s not just the plain-looking type who is ashamed of his unattractive appearance who can avoid intimacy. Sometimes real handsome people turn out to be asexuals. So who is afraid of sex? It’s good for a girl to know about this:

Victim of a strict upbringing .
The responsibility for the fact that a man is afraid and avoids sexual contact lies with the parents. Due to their Puritan views, they forbade their son to communicate with girls; they considered interest in the opposite sex “sinful.” This is how sexuality was gradually suppressed. The result is sad - an adult young man is indifferent to women, even afraid of them. But there is a risk of developing homosexual attraction.
Sissy. The main woman in his life is his mother, and most often such a parent protects her treasure from communication with the female sex. It’s unlikely that the mother talked to her son about sex. He is shy and afraid of this side of adult life.
It is likely that it is with his mother’s approval that he will choose a partner for intimate relationships, if he decides to take this step at all. The son does not want to upset his mother, which results in a basic fear of sex.
A man with weak sexual energy .
Here the reason for the lack of interest in sex is caused by the genetic program. Low levels of desire are observed in only a few percent of the entire male population. By the way, among such “weaklings” there are specimens of a very courageous appearance. But alas... They are not interested in sex.
Sensitive nature .
Belonging to the stronger sex does not mean that your partner is necessarily self-confident and used to achieving goals. There are overly impressionable, emotional types who painfully experience failures in the intimate sphere. If the poor fellow was repeatedly denied sex or was hopelessly in love, then the risk of hating the female sex and avoiding intimacy is very high.
Victim of failure in bed .
This is a colleague in misfortune of a too vulnerable man (see point above). But only here the matter concerns a purely physiological side. Failures in bed sometimes happen to everyone - the erection failed at the most crucial moment or the partner remained unsatisfied. But not everyone will focus on this. But someone who regularly experiences fiasco will be afraid of new sexual contact.

Useful information on the topic of relationships between a man and a woman:

Personal life as a diagnosis or why he doesn’t want sex?
Psychology: why does he ignore the lady he likes?
How to bring back your former passion - recommendations for action!
How to do something nice for your loved one?
Harmony between you - a list of the main mistakes of the weaker sex.

Doesn't live up to the level

A completely ordinary moment in a man’s life when he cannot maintain the high bar that he has set for himself. Perhaps he avoids sex because he has decided for himself that he is bad in bed and cannot satisfy his partner. Or the reason was that the woman had an orgasm every time she had intercourse, and then one or two times in a row this did not happen.

Without asking the woman, the man decided that the bed relationship had come to an end. After all, his crown fell in his own eyes, and the woman is not aware of the events. Or a banal decline in erection, and again the crown fell.

In such a situation, the partner can help by talking, support the spouse, and explain that nothing bad happened.

He may be worried about his low sex drive

Premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation can be common problems for men with erectile dysfunction, and this can definitely affect his confidence. Their common factors - a man's frustration, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy - can shut down a sexual relationship between you. Erectile dysfunction is treated with various medications and psychological counseling.

Diseases in men

It would take a long time to list them. The main thing is to understand that there is a problem and consult a doctor in time for help.

Andrology is a branch of urology that is responsible for the symptoms and treatment of men's health. After all, few men go to the doctor. Therefore, the disease often progresses, and against the background of this, a man loses the ability to satisfy a woman, and then to have sex in general. Frequent stress, environmental problems, bad habits, poor or irrational nutrition, advanced or frequent sexually transmitted infections - all this leads to a decrease in sexual desire.

Prostate adenoma develops with age. But in order to avoid the development of such a disease, it is advisable to start thinking about the prevention of prostate adenoma at a younger age.
If a man does not want sex every day, this could be menopause - disturbances or changes that occur over time in the male body, during which there is a gradual transition from puberty to a slow decline in erectile function.
Deficiency of testosterone in a man's body. This problem most often occurs after 50 years, when the hormone in the male body becomes very low. Although the deficiency may begin to manifest itself much earlier than this age.
The problem with the veins is varicocele. A male disease that begins in adolescence. Unfortunately, most often this leads to male infertility.
Prostatitis - most of the population suffers from this disease, since a man does not consult a doctor, the disease progresses, and inaction leads to infertility.
Narrowing of the foreskin – phimosis. Treatment is prescribed by a specialist in a hospital setting.
Inflammation of the head and foreskin - a man will be bothered by itching, pain, redness and swelling. With such symptoms, he will not be able to fulfill his marital duty.
Curvature of the penis, inflammation in the seminal vesicle, hydrocele and other male diseases.

There are many diseases, the list of them can be endless. If your partner has any symptoms or complaints, you need to sound the alarm and run immediately to the doctor. Then the man will be grateful to you not only in words, but also in bed.

There are a great many ways to give a man pleasure during sex. And they need to be used depending on the reason for the lack of desire. First of all, don’t nag your husband, since he is already emotionally stressed. It is best to arrange a joint vacation, preferably without children. Then the couple will be more likely to restore their intimate relationship.

How to win a man's interest after having a baby

Pregnancy, childbirth and a child greatly influence the bed life of a married couple. The fading of a husband’s sexual desire after his wife gives birth is a common situation. A man himself may not be aware of his fear of hurting his wife.

Due to childbirth, a new reason for the disappearance of sex arises - the appearance and physiology of the wife. Stretch marks often appear, breasts swell, and there is practically no time left to take care of your own body.

Due to the fact that a woman devotes a significant part of her time to a newborn or young child, there is no time or attention left for her husband. A woman may not notice her own indifference to her partner, as a result of which he moves away.

This obstacle is best resolved through psychological counseling and sincere, open conversations.