12 tips: how to stop being a bore

What is tediousness

In psychology, what is tediousness? This is a character trait that makes a person uninteresting, unpleasant, tiresome with his opinion and imposition of his life position. Boring is considered a negative quality. It is inherent in pessimists - people who really look at the world, but note only shortcomings and negative aspects in it.

A person of a boring character approaches certain issues thoroughly, seriously and without a sense of humor. He does not compromise, because he reasons a lot and considers his opinion to be the only correct one. At the same time, he imposes his opinion on others, without perceiving someone else’s. Such a person is self-confident due to his position, but he causes irritation and boredom among others. It is difficult to communicate with him because he only hears himself.

Men are often boring. However, such persons can also be found among women. A boring person in a family will take on all the responsibilities, or rather manage and lead other members. He will tell everyone how to do laundry, manage the family budget, cook, clean the house, etc. In all matters, he will give his advice, insisting that they must be followed.

This behavior is often observed in wives who constantly nag their husbands and blow their minds. These wives don't like everything. They constantly talk about the shortcomings of their husbands. They spend time every day teaching them.

Boring is a character trait that develops in those who consider themselves superior to others, the chosen one. Often such people work under the leadership of influential people or have subordinates. However, often such persons occupy ordinary positions, while in the family circle they try to manage, command and give instructions to everyone.

You can identify a bore by the following manifestations:

Sticks his nose into other people's affairs.
Gets underfoot.
It fits under your arm.

The bore gives everyone advice on how to live or act in various situations. Advice is given even when others do not ask for it. Beneath tediousness lies despotism - when a person openly tyrannies those around him with his advice and presence.

A boring person has no sense of humor. The reason for this is the fear of changes and problems in life, deviation from some rules, guidelines, and violation of procedures.

A boring person believes that everyone should show genuine interest in his thoughts and desires, especially if he has them

If people shut themselves off, then he begins to press on them, attracting attention in various ways. Over the years, tediousness gains strength: a person becomes less cheerful and more aggressive

Boring does not attract and forces people to occupy positions where they can command someone, give advice or adhere to certain rules.

How to stop being boring

When the causes and psychology of a phenomenon are clear, it is easier to eradicate it. If you want to stop being a bore, then first you should ask yourself: why are you avoiding responsibility? Perhaps as a child, one of your overbearing parents determined everything for you. As a result of such upbringing, a passive life position is often formed, when a person simply gets used to the fact that everything will be resolved by itself. He doesn't know how to take responsibility.

Some are afraid to do something because of negative past experiences. And in general, boring passivity is very convenient

After all, it’s enough to just stall for time, come up with excuses, focus on unimportant details - and now someone else takes matters into their own hands, convinced of your uselessness. Alas, you cannot build harmonious relationships with others this way.

And there is also little joy in the fact that all your difficulties are resolved the way others want, and not the way you need. What to do? First of all, you need to take responsibility for getting rid of your own boringness.

Do not rush to reproach yourself or your parents: this way you will only waste time again. And it will take a lot to acquire the necessary skills and overcome the fear of responsibility. Start with small things: inflated demands on yourself will only aggravate the situation. Firmly decide to complete some important but small task - cleaning your desk, for example. The main thing is not to give in to the temptation to delay time and collect information. Get started right away! Sweep aside any attempts of your mind to evade your plans: even if today is not the right day, even if you lack some data or tools - work with what you have

It is very important!

Then you can gradually set yourself more and more ambitious tasks. Each previous success will fuel you with optimism and excitement. Just don’t expect that absolutely everything will work out. Mistakes happen in the life of any person. As you know, only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Failures are part of invaluable experience; you should not underestimate them or be afraid. By training yourself to act instead of reasoning and figuring things out, you will see that an imperfect decision made in the absence of information is better than no decision. This is how the quality of efficiency develops, and a person who possesses it a priori cannot be a bore, because he is used to acting.

You may never become the life of the party or the president of a large corporation without being boring. But one thing is guaranteed: your life will become easier, more enjoyable and will flow in the direction that you yourself designate for it, without getting hung up on unimportant details.

How to get rid of boredom

To stop being a bore, you will have to make an effort. New habits need to be formed. Character qualities will help you achieve what you want. Difficulties are possible for the reason that a bore woman or man rarely notices his shortcoming or considers it such.

You need to get rid of the habit of talking too much. You need to control the amount of what is said, get into arguments less often, and philosophize. To understand when to stop, you need to monitor the reactions of others: when they become bored, irritated, try to move the conversation to another topic, it is better to end the monologue

It is important to listen more to those around you, during a dialogue, try to hear your interlocutor, and not wait for your turn to speak.

Living with a bore is often difficult due to excessive pickiness in everyday matters. You should scold other people less and reduce the number of demands. It is better to refrain from criticism, especially in cases where a sensitive person is very upset by harsh words addressed to him.

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How to get rid of boredom

A bore will probably be able to work on himself, since his character has the scrupulousness and determination necessary for this.
But the problem is that a bore rarely sees his shortcomings. The main problem is excessiveness, they have too many unnecessary words (reasoning, complaints, questions, and so on). Therefore, first of all, such people need to learn to notice this shortcoming of theirs and stop it, that is, be able to stop in time.

To do this, you need to be attentive, notice the reactions of others, seize the moment when they become bored and unpleasant, and not be offended by such a reaction.

Depending on what type of bore you are, you need to get rid of the following bad habits that manifest themselves when communicating with people around you:

complain about life, “infect” others with pessimism, anxiety, panic, sadness;
to find fault with trifles and minor inaccuracies, to demand absolute order everywhere and in everything;
teach, instruct, advise, criticize others when it is unpleasant for them or is not asked for it;
asking too many questions, annoying with requests for help, shifting responsibility to others.

In addition, you need to try and work on yourself in the following areas:

get rid of existing complexes, fears, prejudices, patterns, stereotypes of thinking;
in a company, listen more than talk, be interested in the opinions of others and take them into account, develop the skill of active listening;
perform familiar actions in a new way (change the route, daily routine, old habits, and so on);
develop creativity and creativity;
be interested in and learn something new and unusual;
develop a sense of humor, learn to understand jokes and laugh heartily;
become an optimist, learn to enjoy life, notice the positive;
allow yourself recklessness and risk, fun and childishness, have fun and relax more often.

Type Palette

Regular-aggressive bore

– has an epileptoid character, prone to stubbornness and self-centeredness. He gets his way no matter what. They say about such people - “it’s easier to give in to him than to explain that you don’t want to.”

Typical situation:

he is eager to watch football, talks about the new team, about the Champions League, does not let go of the remote control... and does not hear your request to let you watch the series.

Positive traits:

his determination, it gives him an additional chance for rapid career growth. Be patient for a couple of years, and your husband, having climbed the corporate ladder, will be able to buy you a fur coat or pamper you with another expensive gift. Besides, straightforwardness is not so bad in family life. At any moment you know what your husband wants.

How to live with him?

It's better for this guy to give up right away or hit him on the head with something heavy.

Or you can turn his attention to himself: “Why don’t you...” Perhaps such a castling will force him to change his goal. You can offer barter - I will give in to you, but you will do this and that

Sometimes the prospect of washing a mountain of dishes or taking your mother-in-law to the dacha stops even bores.

Bore melancholic

– has a psychoasthenic character. At the heart of his tediousness is anxiety. He unconsciously demands attention to himself, wants to be reassured. But it is impossible to calm him down with real arguments.

Typical situation:

you are going on vacation, there are four hours before the train departs. Considering that it takes you half an hour to get to the station and all your suitcases are at the door, you still have time to take a shower, drink tea and have a final chat with your friend. But will your boring husband let you do this? Since the morning he has been hovering around the collected things, forcing us to unpack and repack our suitcases. “Did you take my razor? Please check”, “What about the medicine for motion sickness? Look..." And now he just pushes you out the door. “It’s difficult to get a taxi in our area...”, “There may be traffic jams in the center...”, “What if the car breaks down on the road?”

Positive traits:

he will never prove something to you by force, it’s easier for him to whine in your ear for an hour or two

And, most importantly, he is a faithful person. He has so many worries and worries with you that he can’t even think about having an affair on the side.

If any woman decides to flirt with him, he simply will not notice it.

How to live with him?

Humor is the best cure for anxiety. Laugh at his fears. But not over himself! Melancholic people are very vulnerable people.

Hidden nerd

– a closed person who does not know how to express a problem directly. The basis of his tediousness is dissatisfaction with his wife, the situation at work, the weather or politics. And the first person he comes across, most often his wife, becomes a scapegoat. Internal dissatisfaction is expressed in endless nagging.

Typical situation:

Have you noticed that you often leave cups of unfinished tea all over your apartment? "When it was?" – you ask in bewilderment. “The day before yesterday, on the coffee table, and, by the way, there were traces of polishing,” the boring husband will clarify.

Positive traits:

this person is attentive to detail, and not only your shortcomings, but also your preferences and desires do not escape his attention. Did you mention that you love cornflowers and daisies? For your birthday, he will definitely give you a bouquet of wildflowers.

How to live with him?

First of all, understand what he is really dissatisfied with. If he is unhappy that you are paying little attention to him, take note of this. If the reason for his suffering is the weather or politics, scold the government with him - let him let off some steam - or reassure him with a favorable forecast for the weekend. At least, at least for a while, the nagging over the smallest reasons will stop.

When can tediousness come in handy?

The desire to get to the root cause of the problem and bring the result to perfection, strict adherence to instructions, meticulousness, scrupulousness - all these qualities can irritate others. But they are also in demand in many professions where an impatient person will never succeed. Perhaps one of the professions that requires pedantry will suit you:

Accountant.
Safety Engineer.
Controller or instructor of standard control.
Statistical control specialist.
Editor.
Neurosurgeon.
Software tester.
Flaw detection engineer.

A profession that suits your personality will help reduce the degree of pedantry in everyday life. And also - to build a successful career where others are even afraid to approach. Famous perfectionists have worked in professions that require attention and clarity: American entrepreneur Bill Gates, actors Meryl Streep and Harrison Ford, 33rd US President Harry Truman, Japanese writer Haruki Murakami.

Conclusions:

A bore is a person prone to pessimism who bores others with his arguments, specific humor and stories that are interesting to him alone.
It is impossible to re-educate a bore, but you can learn to coexist with him.
A simple but effective way to recognize a bore in yourself is to directly ask your friends about it.
Boredom is annoying in everyday communication, but it helps to achieve success in professions that require attention to detail.

How to recognize the bore in yourself

It is worth noting that there is not a single sensible test on the Internet on the topic “How to recognize the bore in yourself.” There are no specific methods for determining boringness. So let’s try to describe the bore, and also apply this information to ourselves:

There are only 2 opinions: mine and the wrong one.

A bore has his own opinion on everything. There is no way to convince an argumentative person, because the bore is right in everything. Boring individuals have a powerful insistence on convincing others that they are making the wrong career choices, clothing choices, friends choices, significant other choices, and moral values. There is no point in wasting your nerves on discussion. The bore is distinguished by powerful patience and perseverance. Promise to do everything he advises you.

Search for the guilty.

Who forgot to turn off the lights again? No, there is a difference

Who didn't throw away the candy papers again? How many times can you remind people to turn off the computer? It is important for a bore to find the culprit. No, not to punish, but to find him, show him the traces of the crime

The main goal of a bore is to keep order in the world.

Endless stories.

There is an opinion that it is easy to identify a bore by the first phrases. If, when asked “How are you,” a person begins to tell in detail how things are going with him, then he is a bore. Such personalities love to tell stories. Even a retelling of a short video in the mouth of a bore is accompanied by a huge number of plot twists and descriptions of minor characters.

Orders and laws.

See if you have endless respect for rules and restrictions. If yes, you are at risk. Bores observe prohibitions in everything, because this is a guarantee of the stability of the world. A boring person is a coward by nature, which is why he comes up with so many rules. This does not mean that you need to climb into a transformer or drive in the opposite direction, but sometimes it is recommended to prevent tediousness with a certain amount of hooliganism.

Attachment to things.

Boring people are very attached to things, they hate it if someone disturbs the order. There is nothing negative about this, and accuracy is a positive trait. But for nerds, following the rules is an obsession. Everything should be according to plan, and every thing should have its place. If something is broken, it causes anxiety in the bore.

Smarter than everyone else.

The more educated a person is, the more likely he is to be a bore. Researchers have proven that among those with two or more higher educations, the percentage of bores is higher than among less enlightened people. This is easy to explain. It is difficult for smart people to put up with the imperfections of the world order. An educated person knows exactly what needs to be done to change for the better.

Everyone will become boring.

It is worth noting that you cannot be born a bore, you can become one. After 20 years, the human nervous system stops developing, and therefore the activity of processes decreases. Over the years, damage accumulates in the body at the cellular level. Over the years, it becomes more and more difficult to make a person laugh, but easy to anger. So sometimes conduct an internal audit.

Forget about the limitations of stereotypes

Throughout your life, you have accumulated various beliefs that hold you back. You may feel like you can't handle something or that something shouldn't be done. Think about all these stereotypes that you hold and try to forget about them.

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Main signs

Firstly, a boring person is someone who has serious communication problems. He does not feel (and in some cases does not want to understand this) that the interlocutor is bored and uninteresting, that he is annoying the interlocutor. It is worth noting that this concept is quite subjective. For example, for a young womanizer, a boring person is anyone who does not adhere to a riotous lifestyle, and in this regard he will consider 99% of the population as such. However, it is still possible to identify several criteria by which real bores differ from others:

They try to find hidden logic in everything and everywhere. They are constantly fixated on some subject and can talk about it for hours. In his conversation, the bore gives an endless number of different details, always going into detail. He is also inclined to correct his interlocutor, and often does this in the presence of other people. He does not notice that his interlocutor has been feeling bored by the conversation for a long time and would like to stop it or at least somehow revive it. A bore has a passion for teaching others how they think they should live. Often uses the phrases “but here we have...”, “in my time...” in conversation. He loves to shock his unfortunate interlocutor with some foreign word or scientific term, and when he sees misunderstanding in his eyes, he launches into detailed explanations. Even during a romantic date, he will not hesitate to take out a adding machine and divide the amount between two people, accurate to the penny. If the interlocutor had the imprudence to joke or somehow show irony, the bore will still strive to convey the truth to him. A boring person tries to attach a negative connotation to any question, even the most innocent one. For example, in response to a compliment, “You look great today,” he or she will respond, “What, did I look terrible yesterday?”

A boring object of desire. Why are girls so afraid of bores?

█ During the conversation, you shock the girl with some mysterious word like “shuruz” and, seeing the confusion in her eyes, you try to eliminate this criminal, in your opinion, illiteracy. It’s cool, of course, that you know everything about ball joints and what’s his name, a driveshaft. But what do we have to do with it? And please don't be fooled by our interested look. While you are gushing about your screws, we are mentally mourning our failed romance of the century.

█ You calculate the amount of tips during dates down to the ruble. How much should be left there - 13 percent? So you start calculating (God forbid, even in the literal sense - for example, using a calculator on your phone). No matter how economical we may be at heart, our feminine essence requires broad gestures (including towards crooked waiters). The logic is simple: if you are so lenient and generous towards this imbecile in an apron, who could not distinguish “carbonara” from “marinara”, then you will also treat us like that.

█ During foreplay, you throw your and our things out of nowhere (on the floor, a chandelier, a neighbor’s balcony, etc.), but manage to carefully hang them on a chair or, even worse, put them away in neat little piles in the closet. We would be glad that the guy, in all likelihood a direct descendant of Julius Caesar, is able to massage our G-spot and at the same time collect clothes from the floor. But, sorry, no. Because all this materialism somehow does not fit with our ideas about unearthly passion, which in the classical version should turn you into a primitive creature, thinking in the format “I see a goal. I don’t see any obstacles.” And you shouldn’t even notice a wrinkled jacket.

█ After each time, in the sense of an act of love, you rush into the shower with the energy of a dachshund. By the way, I didn’t say this about the times for the sake of words: you’ve probably heard that we grant the status of sexual giants only to those who can do it several times a night? That's how it is. Only these times should be easy and relaxed for you (that is, do not require an hour-long session of oral sex and other stimulating activities from your partner). Not given? No problem. Retreat with dignity, lie down next to us and talk to us about how bad you were. And there, against the backdrop of all these erotic conversations, you see, and an erection appears. So, about the shower. With all our love for cleanliness, men's excessive scrupulousness in matters of hygiene looks depressing. It’s as if we had just made not love, sorry, sex, but some nasty things, after which disinfection is urgently required. No germs is good. But there is no romance either. And this is no good anymore.

█ For breakfast, you feed yourself and us something balanced and rich in fiber. What, do you have low-fat yoghurts in your household?! Then don’t be surprised if this most healthy dairy product gets in our throats. Yes, I realize that I am speaking like a complete sexist, but spit on this muck. Of course, it's great that you care about your health. Well, what about the image? We are supposed to count calories, and you are supposed to eat some fried eggs and bacon oozing with fat, a mountain of sandwiches and wash down all this disgrace with sweet tea. Women's stereotypical thinking tells us that muesli, low-fat cottage cheese, bran and other “girls' best friends” are all from the evil one. That is, they should not be found in guys' houses. And the question is stark: either us or them.

Additional categories

What does a boring person mean and are there additional types of boring people within this category? All whiners have one main feature in common - they are constantly fixated on one thought, and in communication they do not know how to compromise. They are practically impossible to re-educate, but scientists believe that it is quite possible to get along with them. Psychologists distinguish the following types of bores:

Rigid-aggressive - they are too stubborn and prone to displays of aggression. If you want to finish watching a series, but you're bored with football, all attempts to change the channel for a few minutes will be doomed to failure. However, this stubbornness gives them significant advantages in the career field. Melancholic people - the basis of their tediousness is anxiety. He demands attention to himself in order to be calmed down. If, for example, you are going on vacation and there are still five hours before departure, he will already be worried about the possibility of being late to the airport, simultaneously asking questions about whether you forgot to take medicine, a razor or other items. The positive quality of such bores is loyalty. They are so preoccupied with worries that they simply will not notice that someone is flirting with them. Hidden bores - they are not inclined to express the problem directly. They are dissatisfied with their whole life - the state, salary, weather, and take this out on loved ones

The positive quality of such a bore is his attention to detail.

He's boring, you...

…phlegmatic person.

Your couple is lucky. You know how to abstract yourself and not react to everyday negativity. But the danger lies in the fact that the lack of reaction can cause even greater aggression in an aggressive bore and even greater despair in a melancholic person.

Sometimes pay attention to your husband or at least pretend that you care about his problems

...sanguine.

You will look for compromises with the same persistence with which your husband pesters you. The process can drag on for a long time, and the outcome will depend on who is more stubborn. But your marriage will be long in any case.

...choleric.

You explode immediately. This is for the best. A violent reaction can frighten a bore, and he will forget about his claims for a while, consoling you. Letting off steam is a good way out of a conflict, but don’t forget that the reason remains.

...melancholic.

It will be difficult for you. To an aggressive person you are ready to surrender immediately. With a secretive one, you will fall into despair from your imperfection. And a melancholic bore will infect you with his anxiety. Only a sense of humor will save you.

How to change the situation

Once you change your schedule and give up bad habits, there are several very specific actions you can take that will transform your life. Even if you've been a boring person for years, it's never too late to start changing. Get started now! By following the steps in order, you can become a much more joyful person without much difficulty.

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What a bore is like

These are not just one type of people. There are different types of bores. There are 4 types of such personalities:

pedants;
melancholic;
smart guys;
gossipers.

The first type of people adheres to the principles they have invented. This means that such a bore follows them strictly and demands the same from others. Any deviation from the principles of boring pedants is perceived with hostility by them. Such people like to impose their opinion, considering it the only correct one.

Boring pedants are picky about everything

Melancholic bores are constantly depressed. They consider themselves the most unfortunate people. They are characterized by frequent complaints about a difficult life. Such a person constantly expects pity and support from his interlocutors. Not receiving them, he plunges even more into a depressive state.

Nerd smart guys think they know everything about everything, as shown in the photo.

Nerd smart guys are sure that they know more than others

They consider themselves smarter than those around them. Such individuals can spend hours proving that they are right. They don't listen to other people's opinions. For them, only their own is authoritative.

Often, nerdy brainiacs achieve success in a particular field and believe that they have achieved perfection in it. They constantly emphasize their superiority in this. Boring smart people are incapable of making compromises.

How to recognize a bore in yourself

Tests to determine whether you are boring are not very popular. Still, there are few people who want to recognize the bore in themselves. To be honest, in a bad mood or after a hard day, many of us become not very pleasant people. But if you are avoided too often, accused of being intrusive, or called a boring person, try answering 15 questions. Perhaps a certain amount of tediousness is still present.

In conversation, do you use the words “I think/I don’t understand”, “I always/I never”, “I hate”, “I insist” too often?
Your jokes only make you laugh, but does other people's humor seem primitive?
Are you convinced that only frivolous people are capable of spontaneous actions?
Until you express your point of view to the end, is it impossible to interrupt you?
When meeting with an acquaintance, do you prefer a detailed conversation to a short dialogue?
Are you trying to explain obvious things to others?
Do you always prove that you are right?
For each argument of your interlocutor, do you have several counterarguments?
Do you listen to your interlocutor with half an ear, don’t let him finish, and don’t try to understand his thoughts?
Do you condemn what others admire?
Do you prefer to talk rather than listen?
Do you care whether your interlocutors are interested in the conversation?
Do you prefer to control everything, even the fun?
Are people around you reluctant to accept your help?
Are you rarely called upon in company or are they completely ignored?

Try to answer these questions truthfully and only to yourself. Even better, answer in front of a mirror and watch your facial expression, posture, and gestures. Later, in society, you can play any role. But be honest with yourself. The more positive answers you have, the higher the likelihood that you are not the most pleasant person to talk to.

There is another way to find out the degree of tediousness: directly ask your friends about it. Ask them to speak out, but make it clear that you won't be offended. The method is tough, but effective. If the answers bother you, then it's time to work on yourself.

Do what you're afraid of

Spontaneity involves the ability to leave your comfort zone. So go ahead and try what you're afraid of. For example, if heights scare you, invite a friend and go skydiving together. You will forget about your fear and get an indescribable experience. Becoming a spontaneous person does not mean forgetting about all your responsibilities and planning. You will simply learn to make a plan according to which you can realize yourself, and at the same time have time to do what you want. Routine is not your enemy, the only problem is boredom. So face what scares you, develop new habits, and transform your life the way you deserve.

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Signs of tediousness

Boredom has certain signs by which it can be recognized:

The use of categorical words and expressions: “never”, “always”, “love”, “hate”. The desire to attach importance to what is valuable to a person. The desire to be different from others. This is not the preservation of individuality, but the desire to show one’s superiority over others. Inability to “read between the lines,” that is, to perceive the hidden meaning of words. Lack of sense of humor

A bore only laughs at his own jokes. At the same time, he tries to find a philosophical meaning in other people's jokes, which he then discusses. Transforming something small into something important and meaningful. The desire to teach others about life. A person is constantly looking for examples of how others should not act. Inability to hear other people's opinions, since a person has many arguments in favor of his own point of view.

Often boring people remain lonely because they do not know how to build relationships with others. Their beloved partners and friends leave them.

It is difficult to stir up such a person, to encourage him to do something unusual. He is usually inquisitive and meticulous, but with high anxiety and slowness he becomes even more fixated.

From childhood, tediousness develops under the influence of certain circumstances. Over the years, a person acquires more and more fears, complexes, and prejudices. His thinking is stereotyped, and his actions are habitual. He is not able to show emotions, fun, take risks, or be spontaneous.

Bores are excellent complainers who always sit on someone's ears. How to avoid becoming a bore’s “favorite”? Everything is simple here: you need to show the person that you are not going to waste your time listening to his problems. He, of course, will seem like a good person who you don’t want to offend. However, otherwise, if you do not set a boundary between yourself and him, you will have to devote all your time to being a bore. Gently or roughly “send” the bore, showing that you value your time and are not going to waste it listening to other people’s complaints or boring stories.

Signs of tediousness vary, depending on the person’s life position. This is why there are many manifestations of nerdiness:

A victim is a person who blames the whole world and people for his own troubles. He is always ready to talk about his failures.
A smart guy is a person who likes to talk about “smart” topics, because he wants to show that he knows everything, can do it, etc.
An envious person is a person who feels good only when others feel bad.

What psychologists say

A person who seeks to humiliate his neighbors, to make a remark, thereby convicting him of negligence or stupidity is a child at heart. In this childishness there is some psychological infantilism, or mental trauma from childhood, when the baby did not receive enough attention and affection. Indeed: children cry and scream when they need attention or are in danger. Nature has designed it so that a child has a piercing, heart-rending cry, to which adults cannot remain indifferent. As children grow older, they intuitively understand that they receive more attention if they cry or scream.

Manipulation by adults begins: when a child is bored or wants communication, he begins to be capricious, cry, climb and attract attention to himself so that adults will leave their business and take care of him. By the way, children sometimes experience a lack of attention so acutely that they can get sick just from having their parents around them.

When a child grows up, he is left with subconscious resentment and dissatisfaction. He becomes a capricious teenager, demanding attention with screams and tantrums. And as they grow up, hysterics develop into grumbling and whining. He simply does not know how to express even the good feelings that take possession of him. For example, missing his family after a working day, he would like to get together at the table, have dinner and chat. But it turns out that the daughter went on a date, and the wife started pickling cucumbers, so dinner turned out to be a hasty meal. The picture that emerged so vividly in my imagination did not work out. It turned out that each of the family members was busy with something that evening. And I really wanted attention and communication... Dissatisfaction gave way to irritability and now there was a scandal over improper sterilization of jars and neglect of a child who went for a walk...

This is how little children live inside adults and turn into grumps and mischief-makers!

How to get rid of the boring status

Attention to detail, the desire to thoroughly understand the issue of interest, deep knowledge, and a calculating mind are undoubtedly excellent qualities. If they become the main ones, the person loses communication skills

After all, communicating with a boring, even erudite interlocutor is tiring. If you notice a similar sin in yourself and want to change, the advice of psychologists will help you:

Adhere to the “one time principle”, but do not force your communication. An obsessive person violates the boundaries of the interlocutor, so at best they begin to avoid him. At worst, they are openly ignored. Learn to offer help or ask for something only once. If people are interested in you, that will be enough.
Your problems are your problems. Yes, you can discuss difficulties with friends or family, but otherwise keep them to yourself. Learn to cope with your difficulties on your own and do not rush to save others until they ask for it.
Strike a balance between seriousness and recklessness. Growing up is the normal logic of life. But sometimes we lack the imagination, creativity, spontaneity that is characteristic of the inner child. Listen to your teenage self. Perhaps this is a chance to make life a little more joyful.
Get rid of the habit of commenting and correcting other people's mistakes. Even if a person puts the accent incorrectly or pronounces a foreign word, do not rush to correct him right away. Nobody likes to be lectured to, especially in front of strangers.
Don't teach other people's lives. Even if a friend steps on the same rake over and over again, he offers his forehead. All people have the right to make mistakes and make bad decisions.
Control your erudition. It is not always appropriate to sprinkle in historical facts or quote classics. Sometimes it's better to tell a funny story. In addition, the interlocutor may understand the issue better than you. Yes, this happens too.
Learn to listen and hear people. Let your interlocutor finish, but don’t get distracted by your own thoughts. Try to remain patient, watch your non-verbal communication: look directly at your counterpart, in case of hesitation, nod or make an encouraging gesture to encourage him to continue speaking.
Learn to respect other people's opinions. Reluctance to listen to other people's opinions, the inability to look at the situation through the eyes of the interlocutor reduces the number of friends and breaks up families. The more you allow the other person to do as he or she wishes, the sooner you will learn to control your ego and tediousness.
Practice art therapy. It is difficult to know one’s own “I” through logical reasoning or analysis. But the psychotherapeutic practice of art therapy copes well with this. Exercises under the supervision of a therapist help you escape from looped thoughts and completely immerse yourself in the unconscious.
Learn to have a casual conversation. You may think that a non-committal conversation is pointless, but this is where most business and intimate relationships begin. “Small Talk” is the art of communication. To master this you will need all your erudition and patience.

Boring is in many ways a bad habit that can be replaced with a useful one. If you find it difficult to take care of yourself, ask a friend about it. Come up with a conventional signal known only to the two of you. When a friend notices the first glimpses of tediousness on your part, he will be able to discreetly tell you about it.

Tip 3. Don't want to be boring? Stop correcting people

I’ll tell you one simple truth: no one likes to be corrected, especially in a large company.
Memorize this rule as an axiom and stop arguing with people.

If you are told a joke, it is better to laugh with everyone, rather than criticize the narrator for twisting the facts.

By the way, graduates of philological faculties often suffer from tediousness.

Apparently at the philology department they study it as a separate subject.

Learning to get rid of complexes

For example, one of my friends from the philology department, who was also a bore, loved to loudly and publicly correct the speech mistakes of other people, sometimes even strangers.

She could say loudly on the street:

“Julia, aren’t you ashamed?! You put the wrong emphasis on the word agreement. But it’s okay, I’ll teach you now how to do it right.”

I don't think you even have to tell me that she ended up losing all her friends and moving away.

Who is a bore, what is bore

A bore is a person who tends to dwell on one topic for a long time and stubbornly return to it in conversation, which greatly annoys his interlocutors. He can impose his position on others, argue, prove. Other people may find it unpleasant, quickly get tired of the interaction, and avoid contact. Boring individuals have pessimistic or realistic views of the world and prefer to focus on the negative aspects of any phenomenon. They are often overly self-confident, not inclined to compromise, and do not listen to other people's opinions.

More often than not, men suffer from tediousness. In the family, the bore husband assumes leadership in everything: manages the family budget, resolves issues of division of responsibilities, determines travel destinations, can choose types of family leisure or sections for children, without taking into account the wishes of other family members. In women, this more often manifests itself in excessive pickiness towards their spouse, a tendency to blame him for all troubles, and a desire to point out every shortcoming, even a minor offense.

However, there are also advantages to this phenomenon: a boring person brings any started task to completion, does his job well, finds out any details that may affect the matter. He is a good performer, a goal-oriented, responsible employee, although sometimes he can be too slow.

Disappointed Man Syndrome

Sometimes it seems that such behavior is simply a character trait, a specific personality trait. On the one hand, this cannot be denied, but on the other hand, tediousness is a symptom of an interesting psychological mechanism. It is a signal that a person has experienced a collapse of illusions in one or more areas of life and is now psychologically stuck with this regret. A boring person is, first of all, one who, for some reason, is disappointed in his life.

He is constantly in a state of deep disappointment and all he can do is constantly whine. After all, he can’t change anything. For those who are wondering: “What is a boring person?” — we can offer a rather original version of the explanation for this phenomenon. This is, first of all, someone who does not want to take responsibility for their condition and life in general. He is literally bursting with a feeling of disappointment in the whole world, and therefore he expresses his condition in whining and tediousness.

See the world through a child's eyes

What distinguishes a child from an adult is natural curiosity. Try to awaken it in yourself. You'll be surprised how much more you notice when you look at the world through the eyes of a five-year-old—sure, you're different from your life experiences, but there's still a lot of things around that will be new to you. The only way to discover something is to trustfully explore life, like a small child.

Types of tediousness

Not all nerds are the same. It all depends on what a person fixates on most often and to what extent he experiences difficulties from it.

Types:

Pessimist

A person who is always not satisfied with everything, so that everything bad and wrong does not happen. A pessimistic bore loves to complain about life, talks about problems for a long time and tediously, he is always in a bad mood, he is passive and lazy.

Pedant

For such a subject, everything should always be known, clearly, and thought out. A bore loves order in everything; spontaneity and impulsiveness are something terrifying for him. Surprises and unpredictable situations disturb, anger, and cause other negative emotions.

Professor

This is a man who endlessly “lectures.” The “professor” is smart, well-read, erudite. He always begins the story from afar, delving into details, making lyrical digressions. His speech is a monologue, he speaks as if he is reading a book. Such a smart bore loves to cling to words, correct, supplement, interrupt his interlocutor.

Dependent

Such a bore is dependent, helpless, inexperienced. He pesters those around him with requests for help, likes to ask unnecessary clarifying questions, and gets offended if he is not given enough attention and participation.

This is a “tail” person; he will not lag behind until he receives the desired help or shifts responsibility to the “guardian,” although he can handle many things on his own.

A bore can be a wonderful person, but with his annoyingness and arrogance he can push people away. How to eliminate excessive intrusiveness, which makes others bored? How not to be boring?

Use chance

If you find yourself in a situation where you can't decide between two different options, let chance determine the outcome. For example, you are thinking about which of three films to watch. Turn on the random number generator and get the answer in just a couple of seconds. You can just flip a coin. This way you will make decisions much faster - and not at all boring.

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Origins and causes of the problem

The answer to this question depends on the nature of the origin of this negative personality trait in a particular person: either it is due to innate characteristics of temperament, or it is developed as a character trait.

Anxious melancholic people and serious phlegmatic people are more often boring than explosive choleric people and cheerful sanguine people. The combination of individual characteristics of these two temperaments can give rise to the desire to get hung up and be overly intrusive in communication.
For example, a love of detail, curiosity, and meticulousness combined with anxiety and procrastination are likely to give rise to excessive attention to detail.
The tendency to get hung up on something, as a character trait, can be formed in the process of education, self-education, developed under the influence of certain environmental factors and living conditions.
A bore is often a person who, with age, has developed certain complexes, fears, prejudices; he thinks in stereotyped ways and acts in a habitual way. A person who has forgotten about the manifestation of momentary emotions, creativity, spontaneity, dreams, fun, risk and freedom is also a bore.
A person can become boring and intrusive in communication due to professional deformation. For example, teachers and professors with extensive experience, accustomed to teaching and teaching, often become bores.
People who become boring become people who are too serious, accustomed to thinking and making decisions based only on logic, who love to plan and carefully organize their living space. These are often conservative, moralizing, philosophizing people who like to condemn innovation and originality.
A bore can “wake up” in a person at moments of strong passion for something or someone. This looks like a short-term fixation on a favorite activity or person, which is often observed when there is passion and adoration.

Sociable, energetic, cheerful, frivolous people have difficulty communicating with bores. It is difficult for a person who is accustomed to making a decision based on a momentary idea to understand someone who can spend hours thinking about a problem, weighing the pros and cons, thinking about and discussing all possible consequences.

A bore looks at those around him who are too different from him as too emotional, unpredictable, frivolous and even stupid subjects. Without close people who understand and accept him, a bore may suffer from loneliness and forced isolation.

How to get rid of boredom

Psychologists recommend getting rid of your tediousness if this quality manifests itself in you. It interferes with normal existence and building relationships. The only advice that applies in any case is to change your usual behavior. Since everyone manifests tediousness in their own way, to get rid of it, you just need to change your usual actions to the opposite:

If you like to give advice to everyone, then train yourself to help others only when they themselves ask for it.
If you like to complain about your problems, then learn to communicate with people about other, more fun and interesting topics.
If you prefer to sit at home in front of the TV in the evenings, then diversify your life by going to new places and meeting new people.
If you like to insist on your opinion without hearing someone else’s, then you should accustom yourself to hear other people and see the reasonable grain in their opinions.

A boring person needs to make his life more varied, active, free and positive. It is necessary to develop a sense of humor. Start to perceive the world around you more positively.

Give freedom to those around you. If you want to lecture and reproach them, then it is better to shut up and keep your mouth shut for a few minutes. You should learn to allow others to be different, different from yourself. If you want to express your reproach, then it is better to do it alone with the person and express your opinion once, and not many times in several different phrases. They said and fell silent - let the person decide what to do with your opinion. At the same time, calmly react to the fact that a person does not want to listen to him and continues to behave in a way that is convenient for him.

Use simple rules to get rid of boredom:

Break the system of rules by which you are used to living.
Bring some fun into life.
Stop correcting and teaching people.
Don't impose on other people.
Get rid of your fears and complexes.
Think big and be flexible.
Don't teach others about life.

In getting rid of boredom, giving up the desire to surpass others in everything will help. Do you know and can do a lot? Focus all this on transforming your own life, and not on teaching other people.

Try not to impose yourself on people. Notice when other people are bored around you, they are already tired. Complete the communication or meeting yourself, devoting less time to it than before. Communicate with people as equals. If you are not asked about something, then there is no need to say it. If they are not interested in your problems, then you should not disclose them.

Allow people to be different from you. Let them live the way they want, even if they do it wrong!

At the same time, develop big-picture thinking, when you see the world in all its diversity, and not just from one side. The opinions of other people who have reasons for their occurrence will help with this: if people think differently, it means they see something in the world that you do not see.

Doctors of science are not liked

So, you tried to be witty - everyone realized that you were smart. I corrected my poor, illiterate speech once and everyone understood everything. Therefore, there is no need to demonstrate your awareness and education with or without reason. In any case, there is no need to supplement your colleague who told a joke about a plumber with a story about the sewer system in Ancient Rome. Add only if it is appropriate, witty, does not take much time and relates directly to you. If you suddenly hear someone in the crowd discussing Mad Max, you don’t need to get into the conversation with facts about Mel Gibson’s alcoholic episodes and the energy crisis.