What causes self-doubt and how to overcome it

Self-doubt is the presence of doubts in one’s skills, choices, strengths and the execution of one’s plans, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even a refusal to take active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea that some aspect of life is defective.

A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed based on the response of others. And if in emotional and active contact with the world there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and which should be punished or rejected, then in the future there will be no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority of external assessment of one’s own existence left over from childhood (people’s words, priorities proclaimed in culture) that leads to an increase in uncertainty.

The problem of self-doubt is due to the impossibility of different people reacting in the same way to one event, which means that the idea of ​​​​the constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and only leads to increased anxious uncertainty and exhaustion.

Diffidence. Signs

The main signal of a loss of self-confidence is that a person does not try to achieve his goal only because he is afraid to try.
Perhaps he has convinced himself of failure in advance and fears ridicule, insults and defeat. If you belong to the category of such people, remember: everyone has made mistakes, but it takes character to take a decisive step. It's better to fail than to do nothing. Overly cautious people lose self-confidence simply because they have no achievements. The second sign that you have been visited by the virus of uncertainty is embellishing reality. The desire to tell a lie is due to the fact that the individual is trying to make a good impression on other people and allegedly shows himself from the positive side. The thing is that he has no other way to make others respect him, but self-respect is lost from such lies.

The third signal is low self-esteem. This problem is common among teenagers. In this case, you should understand that every person has many shortcomings, but if you constantly look for them in yourself, you will constantly belittle yourself. We need to stop this urgently, otherwise the ancient problem of self-doubt will never be solved!

The fourth sign is the desire to be like everyone else, because the arguments of others seem more convincing than your own. Gaining self-confidence requires approval from other people. This entails the development of bad habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol and even drugs. Conclusion: weak character can be harmful to health.

The fifth signal indicating a negative emotional state is the desire to be like another person (demeanor, image, appearance). Here's what psychology says about this: self-doubt arises when a person seeks to compare himself with others. Thus, she gives more importance to others than to herself. If you constantly look for an idol, the individual will change all the time and be perplexed, as standards change. For this reason, a person will forever remain insecure! Self-respect is only possible when we realize that each of us is unique.

Comfort zone

We often lose confidence when we leave the so-called. comfort zones. For example, when we find ourselves in a new team, we begin to live independently and lose our usual social circle. A huge number of people experience stress when speaking in public. Let's figure it out: what scares us so much? First of all, you find yourself in a new situation for you and have lost your usual “rear areas”. What should I do? Master a new space and get used to the situation. Remember what you liked so much about your friends and try to find these traits in your new environment. Find a like-minded person in a new team who has common interests with you. Or the same beginner who finds it difficult to get used to it alone. Bring your favorite things to your new place, buy comfortable furniture or surround yourself with cozy details. In a new relationship, try to repeat what you remember most in your previous ones. In a word, fill someone else’s space with yourself.

Signs

Sometimes insecure people hide their feelings behind a mask that does not correspond to their vulnerable soul. An aggressive state often indicates a belief in one’s inability to influence the situation and indicates an existing inferiority complex and internal helplessness. They cannot find adequate ways to defend their interests, so they choose the tactics of running away or attacking.

An indecisive person does not want to attract the attention of others to his own person. He prefers to live inconspicuously, as if aloof from society

Outdoor activities are replaced by reading books and watching various TV shows. An insecure personality reduces communication to a minimum and rarely makes new friends, since it is difficult for him to get to know someone and build friendly relationships.

Such individuals are afraid of any changes in life, as they fear that their life situation may worsen. Insecure people are embarrassed to loudly ask others about something or ask them for help. They agree to any relationship with the opposite sex, even if they don’t like the partner at all. We are ready to receive the lowest salary, just not to cross the internal barrier by asking management for an increase. The cost of their services is always noticeably underestimated.

The manifestation of numerous fears leads to their development into phobias. People who are not confident in their own abilities are characterized by the following symptoms: fear, anxiety, depression, indecisiveness, shyness, timidity, helplessness, powerlessness, despondency, frustration, irritation, nervousness, loss of strength, depression, communication problems, reluctance to be the center of attention , dissatisfaction with oneself, rejection of one’s appearance, a dull or anxious look.

In speech

Most often, insecure people are boring and uninteresting interlocutors because they are afraid to say an extra word, make a mistake, or accidentally offend their opponent. Incoherent, inexpressive speech arises from the inability to cope with one’s own excitement:

• the voice may sound very quiet;
• the subject seems to apologize to everyone;
• sometimes stuttering occurs;
• For some, a defensive reaction is triggered - in this case, the notorious individual begins to chat a lot, gossip, and use obscene language.

In behavior

Most indecisive individuals have a desire to underestimate their own merits. Others, on the contrary, begin to behave arrogantly. In this way they strive to overcome their inferiority complex. Attempts to assert themselves at the expense of others are their defensive reaction.

In gestures

An insecure personality is often indicated by stiff movements, slightly drooping shoulders, stooping or hunching. From the outside it may seem that a person is carrying a heavy load. A timid gait, a timid look, periodic rubbing of various parts of the body immediately betray an indecisive personality. Sometimes the subject begins to fuss for no reason, shift from foot to foot, and make sudden and rapid movements. He can finger something in his hands and tap his fingers.

Spiritual Conceit

I am not really authorized to talk about this stage of transformation, since I am far from sure that I myself am even approaching it, so I am writing briefly and with a bold disclaimer that this is all just a hypothesis. Beware!

When the entire world of human values ​​is destroyed, there are still at least a couple of steps left that can be seen and passed, remaining within the framework of ordinary personal perception - the ruins and foundation of the personality that were preserved after the raging hurricane. At this level there is no longer a clear sequence of discoveries - everything happens simultaneously.

The most painful thing is the remnants of personal attachments. Tastes, preferences, hopes, dreams and other emotional clues that still allow the personality to maintain its contours. At this level there are no longer any judgments about right or wrong, only one’s own subjective assessments remain, which, however, keep the almost disappeared individuality from completely dissolving.

Another milestone is a still living conviction in free will and one’s ability to act autonomously. On a conceptual level, it is not that difficult to come to the conclusion that personal will is an extremely dubious concept. But only direct knowledge is taken into account, which is acquired when the person has almost faded away and cannot maintain the illusion of his participation in decision-making with the same efficiency. The glitches of the “Matrix”, through which the structure of universal existence is visible, become more and more obvious, and the words that God’s will for everything cease to seem like mystical nonsense, robbing a barely living person of the last crumbs of faith in his autonomy.

Another plane and one of the last strongholds of individuality is the belief in the value of conceptual thinking and the “knowledge” built on its basis about the nature of reality. Just as any human values ​​fall apart upon close examination, conceptual ideas dissipate, it is worth looking at them with an open mind and tracing them to their source - the belief in the existence of reality as such. Examine more closely your idea that the Earth is round and you will understand what we are talking about.

The key concept, and probably the final frontier beyond which the very concept of “personality” loses all meaning, is the belief in the existence of boundaries between individual objects and, most importantly, between object and subject. The root and core of human conceit is the claim and complete conviction of one’s own separateness from the rest of the universe. The primary opposition and distinction - "I" and "World" - from which the personality begins with all its more primitive ambitions.

All in your hands!

We urgently need to get rid of the role of the victim, because the victim is always scared, because she is helpless! You need to understand that everything is only in your hands, and entirely!

You, of course, cannot be responsible for everything that happens in your life. You just need to understand that the cause of your experiences is solely yourself.

When you realize that you are responsible for what goes on in your head, you can take control of your life.

So, your task is to learn the following truths:

1 . Accepting responsibility and blaming yourself are two different things

Yes, you accept responsibility for your life, but there is no need to blame yourself for the past, today or future. Moreover, there is no need to be upset. View the obstacles that prevent you from reaching your goal as a learning process that will free you from fear.

How do you understand where in your life you are not taking responsibility? Analyze in what situations you feel angry or upset, blame others, feel sorry for yourself. It is in these moments that you shirk responsibility. Other signs of shirking responsibility may include:

• absent-mindedness,
• fatigue,
• impatience,
• feelings of envy or jealousy,
• feeling of disappointment
• helplessness,
• constant uncertainty
• desire to control others.

Do you notice such things behind you? Think about where they come from - it’s in these moments that you need to take responsibility.

2. The inner talker needs to know its place

The Inner Talker is the voice in your head that constantly leads you to negative thoughts, doubts and worries. By putting it in place in time, you will find the key to all your fears. However, we still cannot do without him: The Talker allows us to realize the need for change, he will always accompany you as you work on yourself.

3. By accepting responsibility, we realize the hidden benefits

What is hidden benefit? There are people who always complain about their health, but never fix it.

Why? Because it benefits them! So attention is always drawn to them, and they themselves have a “weighty” reason to play the role of the victim. They can attribute any failure to the fact that they are in poor health.

But you just need to realize these “hidden” benefits and take responsibility for this part of your life.

4 . We formulate goals and set out to achieve them.

Once you determine what you want to achieve in life, you can take on the work that will lead you to your goal. A clear goal, perseverance and decisive action will turn the problem of achieving the goal into just a matter of time. Here our article How to write down goals correctly and why you need it will help you.

5 . Every situation has several solutions

In any situation, you have a choice: you can do it this way or something else. Only you can make yourself happy or unhappy - you make this choice! You need to choose the option that will make you better and promote personal growth.

Trying to be the center of attention

Oddly enough, yes - there is such an extreme. Perhaps you also know these people - they are literally radio people, they almost never stop talking! Being in silence or switching attention to another object is mortal torture for them, because it seems that as long as they are broadcasting and people are looking at them, the situation is under control. As soon as another object of interest appears in the company, such people, as a rule, begin to experience terrible discomfort.

Photo: American crime story

How to fight? Adviсe

What is self-doubt? This is an internal struggle, a protest against making any changes in life. As M.E. Litvak said, our enemy is in the reflection, and once we deal with it, other problems will go away on their own

To combat uncertainty, it is important to understand and realize the fact that the problem lies not in the world around us, but inside a person, in his attitude towards himself and his life

How to overcome fear and self-doubt? Just follow the simple tips below:

• Try to praise yourself as often as possible, even for the smallest successes. Record on paper things that ended in your favor - this will help raise your self-esteem.
• Don't be afraid to refuse people. Consider not only other people's interests and needs, but also your own desires.
• Do not reproach yourself for misdeeds and failures, conduct an internal dialogue with yourself. When you think that you don’t have enough strength to implement your plans, ask yourself the question, is everything really that difficult?
• Concentrate on positive thoughts. There is no need to plunge headlong into problems - this takes both time and energy.

In the fight against an inferiority complex, the most important thing is a sincere desire to overcome it and gain confidence in your abilities.

Discussing other people's appearance

If a person is very concerned about something in his own appearance, he first of all pays attention to similar things in other people. Roughly speaking, if a woman has gained weight, she will notice the excess weight of other women. It’s the same with other parts of the body: a crooked nose - but what about other people’s noses? Such “surveillance” can drive crazy, especially for those who are constantly scanning those around them. As a rule, a person also speaks unflatteringly about other people who - oh, my God! - have the same imperfections as himself, but do not hide it.

Signs

In order to promptly prevent the further development of an inferiority complex, you need to listen to yourself and identify the first alarm bells from the subconscious.

The main “symptoms” of uncertainty:

• Inexplicable fear of new tasks and communication with people.
• Constant bustle, being in which, an insecure person escapes from internal discomfort.
• Dependence on the approval and opinions of others, unwillingness to be oneself.
• Attempts to assert oneself at the expense of others.

In addition, it is worth noting that uncertainty makes a person driven, agreeing to any desire and decision of a stronger person. The leader receives almost complete power over such a person.

Positive Traits of Insecurity

But psychologists say that being timid is not such a bad thing. There is also a positive side to this trait, because it is what protects a person from unpleasant collisions with the environment.

A little later, timidity can turn into a high level of anxiety, and will build an excellent barrier where the individual will feel protected.

How to overcome self-doubt

Uncertainty in Life is a very common companion for most people in Russia. What are the reasons for this:

• State of chronic stress
• Failures in personal life and business
• Psychological childhood traumas and traumas in adulthood
• “Unfulfilled” goals and desires, debts to oneself
• Diseases, especially chronic ones
• Idealization that “this is the only way it should be, but it doesn’t happen”
• "The Unknown Future"

And the first thing a woman thinks about herself is that “she’s somehow not like that...”.

Signs of an “unconfident person”

• There is no peace in life, only vanity
• Having opened your closet, you have no idea what clothes suit you or suit you.
• You worry about everything, that someone will notice your mistake, that you will do something wrong, and this applies to everything.
• Afraid of becoming a laughing stock
• Are you afraid of new companies and new people?
• You're afraid you won't be able to handle it
• Be silent almost always because you are afraid of saying something wrong
• You are afraid of new things; starting is always very difficult for you
• Afraid of change and leaving your “comfort zone”

Fear is the companion of a person who is unsure of life

We are born with a set of certain fears that were passed on to us from our most distant relatives, when it was necessary to “survive” and fight for “a place in the sun.” Fear always drives us either “to fight or to run.” This is how it was in ancient times. This is our “deepest fear”.

For some, nothing has changed since ancient times

“Deep fear” is an inner feeling

Now everything is completely different. We understand that if we touch a hot iron, there will be a burn. But there are situations when we don’t know what could happen, but our body is very intelligent and it protects us in advance and an “inner feeling” tells us not to do this, although we don’t know how it might turn out.

Some people ignore this “deep fear” and move on, while others it stops, “paralyzes,” thereby instilling uncertainty in us. How to overcome self-doubt and get rid of fear?

Insecurity is the lot of very sensitive and emotional people. They, in themselves, are like this from birth: shy, always responsive to help, kind, susceptible to insults, they are afraid of causing harm to other people and it is very difficult to refuse someone, but at the same time they are idealists in Life.

Everything should be perfect for them, in relationships, in money, in work, everywhere. And if this is not the case, then accordingly they are very worried and this is their motto that “you shouldn’t stick your neck out.” This is their inherent “duality”.

It should be noted that these people are very talented in life, they have the ability to study everything deeply, know a lot and read a lot, fantasize and invent, they “feel” creativity in everything that they like and what they undertake, and, most importantly, that they do a lot of things.

A creative person will always find a use for himself in life.

And if they don’t undertake to do something or something doesn’t work out for them, then very often they begin to ANALYZE everything. Usually the words “if only I had said or done that, then everything could have been completely different.”

This is how self-esteem falls and self-doubt arises.

The main argument of this is that EVERYTHING WE DO AND HOW WE DO AT CERTAIN MOMENTS OF LIFE is the only correct option at that moment.

Not life, but an endless series of unjustified fears

Every time you have to double-check everything, calculate the steps, sort through a bunch of information in order to do, act, wear, etc. correctly. This causes endless stress and dissatisfaction with oneself, and, most importantly, fatigue. And all the time Life is “in the past” and “in the future.”

Social conceit

This layer should be well known to everyone who has gone beyond reading glossy magazines in the study of psychology. We have already discussed the first half-step in the right direction - the transition in the formation of self-esteem from fantasies and fairy tales about oneself to real measurable achievements. A simple illustration would be the difference between the positions “I deserve a lot of money” and “I deserve as much as I earn.” The transition from one point of view to another is accompanied by a decrease in claims, and it is here that we get a positive effect - a decrease in false personal volume.

But moving toward realistic self-esteem at the level of practical achievement is too small a victory to be meaningful. The bulk of social conceit lies in the sphere of moral consistency. In part, this also manifests itself through deeds and actions: if a person does not do anything “bad” and sometimes does “good”, then on a practical level he can be considered “good”. But we know that restraining evil intent is not the same as not having it, and doing something demonstrably good is not the same as having good intentions.

Therefore, the next obvious step in adjusting self-esteem is to take into account not only real deeds, but also real feelings and intentions. This is what depth psychology does - grappling with the Shadow and the Persona - with the two main self-deceptions that allow a person to have a false embellished picture of himself.

Working at this level, a person discovers that deep down he is not at all the same as he is used to seeing himself. Discovering your own personal Mr. Hyde, the beast, inside you is a profound shock from which it is not easy to recover. But this is precisely what marks the first step towards real growing up - recognizing your dark side, tearing off false masks, a leap forward towards the truth.

This work, if done sincerely, has the same effect - devaluation of personality, reduction of claims, and this large-scale defeat, being extremely painful, reduces tension on the most important mental front - in the war between lies and the truth about oneself.

With each such victorious retreat, a person loses part of his former dignity, his importance, his significance. But when the pain passes and the dust settles, the person finds that in a strange way it becomes easier for him to breathe. The feeling of self-doubt that tormented him becomes less painful, and life begins to play with new, hitherto unprecedented colors. Defeat leads to victory.

But along with the reduction of borders, the defense capability of the mental state also improves, and the next stage of adjusting self-esteem turns out to be even more difficult. A sharp decrease in the intensity of internal conflict naturally leads to a decrease in motivation to continue self-exploration. Many people get stuck at this stage, believing that this is the pinnacle of psychological development. Adulthood never becomes Maturity.

How to overcome self-doubt

1) Learn to keep your head high and your back straight when walking. You don't have to always look at your feet. A bent body position exacerbates insecurity. Liberated, straightened, on the contrary, contributes to the development of confidence.

2) Learn to look people in the eyes - believe me, it’s not that scary.

3) Smile often. You can start by practicing in front of a mirror.

4) Tune in to good thoughts. A positive mind will attract good events into your life.

5) Finish the job to the end and never think about its outcome in advance. Remember, any defeat is also a small victory. Victory over yourself first.

6) Don't be shy when people give you compliments. Learn to reciprocate.

7) Never compare yourself to others, especially to the most successful and prosperous ones.

And finally, set yourself the mindset that you can do anything.

Symptoms of an insecure person

Recognizing someone who does not feel confident in themselves is as easy as shelling pears: their manner of behavior, speech, gaze, posture, and gestures give them away. Insecure people usually behave quite timidly in society; they are constrained in their movements, slouch, afraid to look their interlocutor in the eyes, and speak quietly.

Or they rush to the other extreme - they begin to jabber indiscriminately, fidget nervously in their chair and constantly fuss. This is their difference from truly self-confident people - the latter always behave calmly and measuredly, and are not in a hurry.

What other signs indicate lack of self-confidence ?

• fear of mistakes, failures;
• pessimism in expectations;
• poor social behavior skills;
• difficulties with communication (especially with strangers);
• passivity when making decisions;
• dependence on the opinions of other people;
• desire to shift responsibility.

If you find the listed symptoms in yourself or a loved one, then start working on yourself as soon as possible - make an appointment with an experienced psychologist. After all, over the years this will only become more difficult.

How to get rid

Uncertainty leads to a person constantly experiencing psychological discomfort. He feels dependent on various situations and public opinion. To get rid of this, you need to recognize and acknowledge the problem. This is a long process, as habits, character traits and self-perception have been formed and consolidated in the mind over the years.

Often people who are insecure about themselves eat away their inner discomfort with sweets. This leads to excess weight gain and a person becoming indifferent to himself and his appearance. In this case, playing sports will help increase self-esteem. Leave your comfort zone and start exercising regularly. And over time you will like the reflection in the mirror.

To achieve your goals, break the “path” to them into several stages. In this way, the seemingly unattainable dream will become closer, and the plan to bring it to life is quite realistic. Be positive and don't take failures to heart. Even if something didn’t work out for you, it’s a valuable lesson. Analyze your mistakes and, when starting a new business, try not to make them again. Every day instill in yourself faith in your strength and optimism.

Stop analyzing your actions from other people's point of view. Don't let other people's opinions manipulate you. Listen to what others advise, but do it your own way. To become a successful and self-confident person, learn not to depend on the opinions of society and defend your opinion.

Stop being afraid of everything unknown and unknown. Expanding your boundaries will help you not be afraid of change and look at the world more broadly. Make new acquaintances with people in whose company you will feel comfortable and cozy. As much as possible, stop communicating with those who are unpleasant to you. The sphere of social communication has a strong influence on thoughts and worldview.

If a situation seems unrealistic and daunting to you, find someone who has dealt with it in practice. Your fear will dissipate when you see that the problem is solvable. Being aware of the issue (whether it's an exam or a new job) will help you get rid of uncertainty. After all, why be afraid if you know and can do everything?

Love yourself. Self-esteem is the first step in the fight against embarrassment and uncertainty. Tell your loved ones about your thoughts and ideas, do nice little things for them, and don’t be afraid to be misunderstood. Take serious things easier. Stop constantly wondering what will happen if I do wrong.

To overcome self-doubt, come up with a variety of tasks and complete them. Examples of tasks:

• In a cafe, go up to a stranger you like and make an acquaintance with him, offer him a cup of coffee or invite him to the cinema.
• Walk up to someone on the street and ask for some information.
• Go to the store, ask the seller in detail about the product, thank him, and leave without buying anything.

Regularly doing things that currently make you feel shy and afraid will help you overcome self-doubt. Fight your inner fears. They make you susceptible to negativity and vulnerable to the world around you.

What it is?

Most people associate the word “insecurity” with the concept of “inferiority complex” because an insecure person doubts his abilities, skills and abilities.
Most people with complexes have difficulty communicating with the opposite sex, are embarrassed by their appearance, and cannot defend their own opinions at work. Feelings of insecurity arise as a result of low self-esteem. A person does not believe in his own strength and is afraid to move forward to achieve any goal. The fear of being rejected, misunderstood, and unaccepted gives rise to indecision. As a result, there is a desire to blend in with the crowd and not stick out.

In psychology, uncertainty is correlated with internal fear, fear of taking responsibility and making decisions. There is such a definition: self-doubt is the fear of expressing real feelings, showing individuality in various areas of life, and realizing your full potential. Therefore, this concept means the fear of being oneself.

This feeling is a big obstacle on the path to self-realization and success.

Correction of violations of one’s own perception

How to get rid of self-doubt or how to get rid of an inferiority complex is a difficult question, since effective correction of such mental deviation requires an individual approach to each specific patient. The best way of correction would be to conduct a course of psychotherapy with a psychotherapist or psychoanalyst.

How to get rid of fear and uncertainty? First you need to conduct introspection and find out all your fears and worries. You should not run away from them, since sooner or later you will still have to face them, but the result of their elimination will be much less effective. How to get rid of the self-doubt complex? It’s simple, it’s necessary, despite the fear, to go beyond comfort, which leads to inevitable development and personal growth. You should not avoid things and tasks that you cannot immediately cope with; it is better to methodically solve the existing problem in small steps, only then will your self-esteem begin to rise.

If self-esteem is below par, you should not engage in correcting your own condition on your own, since the effectiveness of self-analysis in such a complex form cannot be effective. In such a situation, it is better to immediately contact a specialist for advice.

It is also very important to realize that there are things that can be corrected, and others that do not depend on our actions. Independent complexes include all the physical parameters of the patient’s body, nationality and other appearance features

Corrected complexes include posture, body weight, physique, level of intelligence and others.

How to overcome self-doubt without outside help? To do this, it is only necessary to correct the factors described above, since they are often the ones that lead to the development of the complex.

To overcome your own problems and negative aspects of your character, keeping a diary is highly effective. Write down in your diary all the positive moments that happen in your life.

In order to understand how to overcome shyness and self-doubt, you do not need to mask problems behind expensive purchases and aggressiveness; a rational look at your own problems and failures will be much more productive.

In conclusion, it is important to say once again that only analysis and assessment of one’s own thoughts, actions and plans can lead to a resolution of the current situation. In severe cases, you can consult a psychotherapist, but in most cases, low self-esteem can be dealt with on your own, and this will only strengthen your self-awareness and give you confidence in your own actions

“Alternative medicine”

It's impossible to cure self-doubt... just like you can't cure sanity, although the Cuckoo's Nest department does everything possible to achieve this.

Nevertheless, traditional medicine, from which, as they joke, no one leaves healthy, sometimes still loses patients from its tenacious clutches. What saves them is that they understand where they are before their case and body are sent to the biological waste disposal service.

And if we manage to elude numerous well-wishers while the gunpowder is still wet, we find ourselves in the territory of serious psychological self-examination and finally move from merciless treatment to a careful study of the problem.

Earlier we suggested that the root of evil is a false conceit, opposed to a sense of intuitive anxiety about one's place in this world, and if this is so, then this is where the main attention should be directed.

Conceit is a multi-level system of psychological defense that we build from the bottom up and strengthen throughout our lives. The most primitive and easily observed level of defense is social conceit, an assessment of one’s worth within the framework of a moral frame of reference. A deeper and more subtle level is existential conceit, an attempt to determine and affirm the meaning of one’s existence. The last and subtle level can be conditionally called universal or spiritual conceit - the declaration of one’s autonomy from the universal ocean of existence.

How to overcome uncertainty?

Asking a simple question of how to overcome self-doubt, people try to find answers in any way: they go to shamans, psychics, sorcerers, without thinking that the most effective way is the practical help of a psychologist, since uncertainty is a psychological problem and can be removed by only a qualified specialist.

Insecurity and its side effect, shyness, always cause problems. Most people read books on self-development, learn to live again, listen to hundreds of trainings and a thousand pieces of advice, but no one sees the root cause of the problem. But knowing it, it is easy to eliminate the uncertainty and subconscious fear that contributes to this. This is exactly what a psychologist is needed for.

Fear, uncertainty and shyness can be overcome on your own, the main thing is to show initiative and willpower yourself.

Don't be afraid to take action and be decisive

1. Learn self-control and psychological endurance: your fears and emotions should not control you. Control yourself in any stressful situation.
2. Mentally create a comfort zone for yourself and keep it with you always and everywhere.
3. Work through your internal personal conflict by breaking it down into its components (an indecisive person always conflicts with himself) and look at everything from the outside, so you can determine the main criteria of the problem and understand where and how to move forward.
4. Remove the feeling of guilt: mentally discard your behavior (uncertainty, indecisiveness) and begin a new stage of life.
5. Give yourself the mindset to live a new life without fears, uncertainty, embarrassment and confidently move forward. Tell yourself without fear: “now I am a completely different person, without fear and complexes.” Feel free.
6. Don’t be afraid to give feedback to yourself, your actions and actions, looking at everything from the outside.
7. When communicating, be open and honest about your thoughts and opinions, especially if you are knowledgeable about the topic.
8. And most importantly, show a real, keen interest in your interlocutors, so the dialogue and communication will be interesting to both.

Don’t be afraid to change your life, control yourself and move forward confidently, you will succeed!

Tags: Uncertainty

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The main causes of fear and self-doubt

These reasons, of course, lie within the person himself. Moreover, no one is born with them; they are acquired during life. What causes them to appear? There can be many such reasons. Let's talk about the main ones.

1. From childhood, a person was condemned, criticized, frightened with punishments, and forbidden to do something on his own. Of course, all these prohibitions and condemnations were deposited in children’s consciousness and influenced child psychology. And then the child grew up and became an adult. But his childhood fears remained in his soul. Well, where could they have gone? It is known that the main, so to speak, contours of human psychology are formed precisely in childhood. What was instilled into a person as a child is what he will carry throughout his entire life. Well, here it is: there was an insecure child, but he became an insecure adult. Of course, the reason for everything is improper parenting. The child should not be criticized, but rather encouraged. It’s a well-known truth, but parents don’t always follow it.
2. And more about childhood. Excessive guardianship of a child can also kill all the shoots of self-confidence in him. Why strain and strive to achieve goals when there is a super-caring mother always ready to help? And now the child grows up, the mother is no longer around, and the grown-up child himself has never learned to achieve any goals on his own. And the man swam “by the will of the elements of life.” Or - he found himself a wife, whom he will perceive as a second super-caring mother. How many such cases - either in life or in literature?
3. But even as an adult, a person often becomes unsure of himself. For example, when he is constantly criticized by his spouse, or friends, or superiors at work. And if, moreover, a person has a subtle mental organization, then... In general, it’s understandable.
4. You can also be unsure of yourself due to all sorts of external factors. For example, religious ones, when a person thinks that he is a notorious sinner. Or – because of social factors. It was these factors that once prompted the well-known saying: “If you haven’t lived richly, you don’t have anything to start with.” What, like self-doubt and fear, is the basis of this saying? Another factor that often determines self-doubt is sexual. It seems to a person that he is ugly, unattractive, and incapable of anything “in this regard.” And how can you maintain self-confidence and not be afraid of the opposite sex?
5. But it happens that a person was simply born that way. Either genetics is the reason for this, or something else... But self-doubt is innate in him, and fighting with oneself is the most difficult type of struggle.

So what should we do?

What should I do? Fight! Try in every possible way to eradicate fear and uncertainty from yourself! At least partly. Again, there are many ways to fight this.

1. Talk to a psychologist. By the way, for greater confidence, listen to a lecture by a psychologist on this topic. Here's a video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w30cOzeY__Q

1. Another effective way to gain self-confidence is hypnosis. They say it helps. But this, of course, is not for everyone.

Special exercises. Yes, there are some. And, by the way, they help a lot:

• fight with imagination. Its essence is simple: you need to try to draw a picture (or plan) in your imagination of how best to cope with this or that possible situation: think about and choose your most optimal solution, choose the right words, etc. And when the real situation comes, act in in accordance with a pre-conceived picture;
• using the proverb: “I’m not like that, life is like that.” That is, it’s not about the person himself and his lack of self-confidence, but the situation just happened that way. Or - the person talked to the wrong people. But next time... Of course, this is self-hypnosis, but it adds confidence for the next time.

Separately, it should be said about the communication of an insecure person with people close to him. For example, husband and wife or wife and husband. The main thing here is to try to live in the interests of your loved one and strive to fulfill his wishes. In every sense - from everyday issues to intimate ones. Of course, sooner or later a loved one will thank you for this, and this will inspire an insecure person and give him confidence. We repeat: the praise of others is the best way to drive fear and uncertainty out of the soul.

This video will also tell you how to cope with self-doubt and start communicating normally.

And, to sum up all that has been said, here is one more video: how to overcome self-doubt and stop being afraid of change. Here it is.

Where does uncertainty come from?

Why might a person be unsure of himself? What are the reasons for this?

Self-doubt is not an innate feeling. It is acquired over the years and depends on many factors:

• education;
• childhood;
• environment;
• appearance;
• failures.

Or a person may simply lose confidence due to some incident in life. Let's take a closer look at all these reasons.

Parenting

Parents are the first people a child meets when he is born. It is they who, from birth, lay down the qualities that will help or hinder the baby on the path of life. Parents shape his personality. It depends on them what kind of person he grows up to be.

Therefore, it is important to raise children correctly so that they become happy, cheerful, self-confident members of society.

Confidence or uncertainty most often appears in childhood, when the child’s self-perception system is formed. It is based on the reactions of others:

• parents;
• grandparents;
• aunt, uncle;
• brothers, sisters.

If the environment constantly scolds the child and expresses dissatisfaction with his actions, then this has a bad effect on the development of his personality and self-confidence.

If you constantly criticize a child for his endeavors, the desire to try something new, he will lose the desire to study the unknown and achieve his goals. If you often scold your child as a child, as an adult he will be afraid to make mistakes. We need to explain to children that it is okay to make mistakes. We all go through different stages of ups and downs.

Mistakes are an integral part of our journey. Without them it would have been impossible to achieve results. But when a person is not confident in himself, for him to make a mistake is like the end of the world.

Every baby needs warm words, approval from parents, and praise. This gives him confidence in himself and his abilities. Inspires new achievements and forms adequate self-esteem. Tell your child that he draws trees, houses and mountains very beautifully. Or he manages to run as fast as Lightning McQueen from the cartoon Cars. Praise your children often to build their self-confidence.

Failures from childhood

Everyone has failures. And we don’t always endure them steadfastly. And what can we say about the child’s psyche? Childhood failures create self-doubt and low self-esteem. They can be painful and traumatic:

• fell off the stage in front of the whole class, the guys laughed;
• forgot the words to a song at a performance;
• lost in a running competition;
• got the first two.

In the future, such children are even more afraid of slipping up and making at least some decision. They constantly doubt themselves. This affects the child’s fragile self-esteem, so he grows up insecure.

Sometimes a child perceives even small troubles as a tragedy on a global scale. Especially when parents do not take into account the child’s experiences and do not think that it is important. They don't pay enough attention. After all, for them this is nonsense.

You need to understand that the psyche of children is more fragile and does not resemble an adult. It is more difficult for them to experience failures and stressful situations. And this affects the development of their personality and is reflected in their entire future life.

Environment

Our environment also influences our personality. If friends, relatives or colleagues are constantly whining and negative, seeing life only in bad colors, you become infected with it. Bad thoughts appear in your head, which shape the reality around you and influence your actions.

If you are surrounded only by insecure people who constantly doubt themselves, chances are you are the same.

If the majority of people around are successful individuals with adequate self-esteem, a person begins to reach out for them. He has a desire to grow, develop, improve. He reads more, attends various trainings and seminars, studies, develops old skills or acquires new ones.

We are the arithmetic mean of our surroundings.

If you want to be satisfied with your life, it is important to surround yourself with supportive and cheerful people. Don't waste your energy and strength on manipulators and whiners. They're not worth it. Your friends shouldn't squeeze all the juice out of you. On the contrary, it is important that they inspire, increase the level of internal energy and self-confidence.

Appearance

You are greeted by your clothes, but seen off by your mind.

In our world, appearance plays an important role. Especially for women. They are under the greatest pressure by modern beauty standards.

The ideal girl should have a neat, chiseled nose, plump lips, thick eyebrows and clearly defined cheekbones. She looks exactly like Angelina Jolie.

In pursuit of such standards, the weaker sex goes under the knife and gets their nose fixed. It pricks the lips to make them fuller. Permanent eyebrow makeup to make them thicker. Colitis hyaluronic acid to outline the cheekbones and correct the oval of the face. And all the girls become similar to each other. Natural beauty and individuality are lost.

And such frameworks drive depression. Since you are not Angelina, either live with low self-esteem or reinvent yourself. But there is a third way. Love yourself. Just the way you are. With your nose. With your lips. With your eyebrows. With your body.

Each person is individual and beautiful in their own way. Beauty standards are constantly changing. And all people have different tastes. The main thing is to like yourself. Then the feeling of confidence will also increase.

Past success

Oddly enough, success in the past can either boost self-confidence or undermine it.

Success usually motivates us to take further action. We feel on top of the world, our self-esteem skyrockets. It seems to us that the sea is knee-deep.

But after a while, questions arise in my head: “Can I repeat such success? What if I never do anything better? This fear undermines our confidence.

But you don’t need to repeat your own success. Just strive to improve and surpass yourself. Even if you already know how to do something well, there is always room for improvement. Develop and never stop there.