The thought of sharing your partner with another person is unfathomable to most of us. But for some couples, this is what keeps them together. And although there is a persistent stereotype that men are owners, there are cases when a husband likes his wife’s infidelity and he himself pushes her to do it.
Are there 100% signs that your wife is cheating?
Yes, if there is another man in your bed next to her.
In other cases, everything, alas, is not so obvious. Let's say more - if the infidelity was one-time and accidental, then it is almost impossible to find out that the wife cheated.
But if she started an affair on the side, and it has been going on for some time, that’s a different matter. We have collected for you the first signs that may be warning signs of adultery for your other half.
And for each they remembered a logical explanation that had nothing to do with betrayal. Therefore, read, compare, but do not rush to draw conclusions.
“Second wind”: a sexologist explained why husbands allow their wives to cheat
Sexologist and psychologist Ekaterina Kiseleva told 5-tv.ru why, in her opinion, some men forgive their women for infidelity and sometimes even contribute to their going “to the left.” The expert believes that the range of possible reasons for such non-standard relationships in a couple is very wide, and each specific case has its own nuances. However, there are a few common scenarios. The first of them presupposes a certain experience experienced by a representative of the stronger sex in his youth.
Childhood trauma?
“You can start from teenage fixation, when a man in adolescence recorded such a relationship in his memory, he observed such a couple in a circle, for example, with his loved ones or parents. And he brings similar relationships into his family,” says Kiseleva.
In such a situation, infidelity as a characteristic of sexual behavior becomes the norm for a man, although it is possible that it is very painful. Another story is a banal desire to awaken fading feelings, to fill joint existence with a refreshing drama.
“It seems to me that in 80% of cases it’s just a desire to diversify your life, to bring the so-called spice into your sex life, when a man purposefully sends his woman to cheat on her lover, he’s waiting for her at home, she returns, such a pseudo-scandal begins, sexual arousal heats up,” - explains the expert.
So that it’s like in a novel about love!
This often happens unconsciously, Kiseleva continues. Sometimes partners are not ready to accept that freedom in a relationship excites them. They try to lead a traditional lifestyle, but from time to time connections on the side arise. A man may “need” a woman’s infidelity, and she may need quarrels and a subsequent “return” to her beloved and passionate reconciliation.
“There are cases when a man tries to keep his woman in this way. “He consciously allows her to go for a walk, to let out all her sexual desires and needs, but at the same time she will return home,” notes the psychologist.
According to Kiseleva, in such stories, the sincere suffering of the head of the family regarding the presence of his chosen one in the arms of strangers is not excluded. But he is ready to pay such a price if his beloved remains close.
“If in a relationship there is a desire for so-called MFM, then we can only talk about the desire to satisfy one’s sexual needs, to diversify them again - this happens when both in a couple want this. Does love exist in such couples? I will say yes, it is peculiar, but it exists. Maybe we don’t understand her, but when it’s mutual in a couple, then such a relationship will be long and strong,” Ekaterina is sure.
What kind of man will give a woman freedom?
As for the psychological portrait of a man who is capable of letting his girlfriend go to bed with his rival, it depends on the reasons for such behavior. This could be a person who has already tried a lot in sex, and he simply lacks the thrill.
If this is a conscious permission to cheat, so that the woman does not leave for sex with another gentleman, most likely the partner is either unable to resist the impulses of his beloved, or is hiding his own complexes. Moreover, such a “generous” man has a subtle mental organization and increased sensitivity.
“If everything is mutual, everything is by common agreement, then why not? This greatly strengthens some families and gives a second wind to relationships,” the sexologist concluded.
Previously, 5-tv.ru published Ekaterina Kiseleva’s opinion on how to determine a man’s potential in bed on a first date.
Three sure ways to find out that a wife has cheated on her husband
Do you want to detect your wife’s infidelity with 100% accuracy, and no or/ands suit you? Well, here are three ways that will give you the answer.
Good old surveillance
Follow her movements yourself or hire a detective. In the first case, you will have to sacrifice time, in the second, money. And in both - with pride.
Call on technology for help
Hack the password on her accounts, take her dirty panties to the laboratory, or take your wife to take a lie detector test. All these options will not only give you the exact answer, but will almost certainly lead to divorce. Because, regardless of whether your spouse cheated or not, your behavior will anger her, and maybe even scare her.
What to do when your husband suggests sex on the side
Of course, it also happens that the views of the spouses do not coincide. But the woman, afraid of disappointing her husband, follows his desires. Imagine your husband suggests you have a partner on the side. It is assumed that for now this is just treason. You cheat on your husband, tell him all the details of your meetings with your lover and everyone is happy. But, most likely, after a while the husband will want much more. He will ask you to film everything or let him spy. How to behave in such situations? Do you have to agree if you don’t want to?
Remember that the situation is entirely up to you. Think about it: would you be comfortable having sex with another man? Therefore, first of all, you need to sit down with your husband and talk about it. After all, a future sexual relationship can have many consequences. Perhaps your husband is simply triple checking you. Or maybe, after what happened, he will regret his request. Yes, and besides, you need to take into account that you really need and like it. You both need to have a positive attitude towards this so that you both continue to have a happy marriage after this event. If you feel that your family life will suffer, it is better to refuse.
Don't let one partner pressure you into having sex with someone else. Also, if you decide to be in an open relationship, you both should talk about what you liked or didn't like during and after the infidelity, and whether you want to repeat the experience.
What to do?
If (God forbid!) you realize that there is a dangerous madman next to you, run without looking back. (True, it’s somehow hard to believe that a spouse who was normal during all the previous years of their marriage could turn into a madman.)
Heart attack from jealousy
To study the reaction of higher animals to a partner’s betrayal, scientists conducted a rather cruel experiment on monkeys. The male was taken away from his female and placed in the next cage with another male. The first was forced to watch as his girlfriend shamelessly frolicked with the other before his eyes. The situation caused him such strong feelings that the poor man ended in baldness and a heart attack. In people, by the way, heart problems also often arise precisely because of jealousy. The same men who, out of excessive fear, provoke betrayal or constantly expect it, are thus, as it were, protected from a heart attack.
Children instead of lovers?
Feelings, appearance, mood
A wife who cheats changes in her appearance, feelings and mood. She no longer says the words “I love” to her husband. By and large, she may not pay any attention to him at all. And if the husband takes the initiative to spend time with her or confesses his love to her, then she will react to this in silence or very dryly.
However, there are ladies who try to make up for their adventures by stopping arguing with their husbands. This is very suspicious if your wife has not previously allowed herself not to express her opinion.
Pay attention to the woman's mood. It may also have changed recently (that is, since she started dating her lover). Some women become thoughtful, silent, immersed in their thoughts, while others seem to float with happiness, although nothing preceded this state, according to your opinion.
Don't forget that falling in love makes a woman become more beautiful. When she fell in love with you, she tried to look beautiful, put on makeup, put on beautiful outfits, etc. If this has not been observed in the wife for a long time, it means that she does not burden herself with jewelry for the sake of her husband. However, start thinking about what happened if your wife recently started wearing makeup again, dressing nicely, updating her wardrobe, starting going to the gym, or going on a diet. If nothing has changed in your relationship, she may not be trying for you.
A woman’s interests may also change. What she previously considered uninteresting and unattractive may suddenly interest her. Why did it happen?
Pay attention to 10 more of these signs:
- The wife stopped spending time with her husband. She stopped being interested in family problems altogether.
- Compares her husband with other men. Often the wife names specific people whom she admires. Perhaps her lover is among them.
- The wife began to visit guests and friends more often, something she had never noticed before.
- She became indifferent to her husband: she stopped nagging him and asking him for something. If before the wife was often offended by her husband, then after the appearance of her lover she may completely stop relating to him in any way.
- Often does not answer phone calls, citing the fact that it is disconnected or the phone is faulty.
- Chat with your friend, especially if she is a little jealous of your wife.
- Avoids direct gaze. Typically, women who cheat stop making eye contact with their husbands.
- I started taking frequent courses and trainings that I had previously neglected.
- Offers to spend time together are met with refusal or reluctance from the wife.
- Sex disappeared altogether or became torture.
Personal opinion
Aziza
– Based on my own experience, I can say that if I happened to cheat on a person with whom I lived in a civil marriage, and I understood that it was just a whim, a whim, my own weakness, then I felt bad after that. Women by nature tend to worry about this. Although there are also cats among them that walk on their own and don’t care about it. But women who become attached to a person sooner or later come to the conclusion that betrayal is betrayal, destruction of oneself. Such a woman looks worse, ages faster, and her family has problem after problem.
I understand male nature less well. It seems to me that men, no matter how much they lament the betrayal that happened, as soon as the corresponding object appears, they are inclined to repeat it. But now, in my opinion, everyone is so busy solving their problems and making money that no one has the time or desire to do this anymore.
Complexes are to blame
We can say that the syndrome of provoked betrayal is a type of psychological masochism, but this masochism is of a secondary nature. It is based on a deep inferiority complex and excessive self-doubt. This applies to all pathological jealous people in general and to provocateurs of betrayal in particular. (An independent and self-confident person is self-sufficient and certainly does not need to imagine being deceived or savoring his experiences if this actually happened.) However, it is interesting that psychological problems usually do not affect sexual function, no matter what complexes the jealous person did not suffer. Moreover, his sexual talents may be much higher than those of his rivals, but for some reason this does not add confidence to him.
Should we forgive a woman's infidelity?
This question arises among men who love their wife, but are tormented by the fact of betrayal. It is difficult to find a single answer for every situation. But let's consider it from the point of view of the psychological state of a man.
The husband is confused, embittered, depressed. If the infidelity is forgotten and the family tries to return to their usual way of life, it is unlikely that everything will be the same as before. Forgiveness for betrayal is difficult to achieve. In most cases, a man who has forgiven his wife becomes weak and pliable in the woman’s eyes. Such men are not respected, they wipe their feet on them and continue to cheat on them.
Thus, to the question of whether it is worth forgiving, the answer is unequivocal - it is impossible. Why to preserve your inner peace and dignity.
How a woman behaves after cheating on her husband
Unfortunately, it is difficult to identify obvious signs of a wife’s infidelity in the early stages. This is why a woman can hide infidelity for a long period of time.
She will also not give any hints about betrayal by her behavior. Unlike male infidelity, the husband will not be able to find someone else’s hair or a trace of lipstick on his wife’s clothes. Perhaps someone else's aroma of men's perfume may seem suspicious, but often women manage to hide this from their husbands.
What then should a husband do if he intuitively feels that his wife is not faithful to him, but has no right to accuse him directly without evidence? To determine for sure that his wife is unfaithful, the husband will have to be patient and carefully observe his wife’s actions and emotional state.
She can become sharply aloof and detached, but at the same time she is unusually nice to communicate and obsessively interested in the affairs of her husband.
Rules of open relationships
Contrary to popular opinion, if the husband wanted his wife to cheat on him. This does not mean debauchery and debauchery. In an open relationship there are a number of specific rules and requirements:
- clearly understand why you are doing this;
- take into account the interests of your partner;
- each partner has the right to choose;
- you need to be able to cope with jealousy;
- it is necessary to protect yourself;
- intimate meetings should take place on neutral territory;
- you need to remember that you or your partner may fall in love with another person;
- you can set rules and dictate terms;
- always talk about what you like or don’t like;
- You can always cancel all the rules.
The most important thing is that both you and your partner should be comfortable in such a relationship. You must be frank with each other. If you cheated at your husband's request, but you didn't like it, admit it. Also, do not take your husband’s requests with hostility as deviant behavior. You should be pleased that your husband trusts you and speaks honestly about his sexual fantasies.
The rest is all up to you. The decision, whatever it may be, is made in the family by both spouses. This is just your relationship, which you can build according to any scenario.
The main essence of female infidelity
Some psychologists believe that for men, cheating is a natural process. Simply put, they follow nature, often striving to conquer as many representatives of the opposite sex as possible. A woman by nature does not have such a desire. They have another desire - to choose the best man. Simply put, in men's adventures the decisive factor is quantity, for women it is quality that matters.
If a woman meets a man on her way who is superior to her current lover, then she will give her heart to the successful representative.
Moreover, her husband can be a worthy person - he provides for the family, devotes time to her, takes care of the children. But the female sex is missing something, she is looking for this unknown something on the side, among other men.
Situations often occur when a wife cheats on a decent man, but does not leave him. What motivates her, why does she choose this path? What are the motives for female infidelity? Let's look into this rhetorical question.
How to make your wife cheat?
Most women do not want to cheat on their spouse when they get married. Nature endowed girls with monogamy, making raising offspring a priority. Pregnancy, childbirth, raising a child to a more or less independent age is a long process, without the support of a man (breadwinner, breadwinner, guard) in ancient times it was impossible to complete the task.
Centuries-old upbringing, which condemns the wife’s infidelity, added to the fidelity. Traitors in many countries faced death and serious injury. Modern society is loyal to husbands who walk to the left, but a lady who has a lover will hear unpleasant epithets to her face and behind her back.
However, with effort, even the most faithful, loving, exemplary spouse can be driven to adultery, you will need:
- Firmly realize that the wife is the property of her husband, she will not go anywhere. Try to convey the fact by any available means, including in direct text (look in the mirror, who needs you, be glad that I married you at all).
- Compare her with other women (Dimina Olya is more beautiful, slimmer, more successful, Our accountant, Verochka, is so smart, not like you. Mom’s borscht has nothing in common with your slop).
- Ignore your spouse's needs. Need boots? Let her earn money and buy it herself. Which salons, this case cannot be corrected.
- Stop paying attention. Flowers, snacks, trips to the park, a restaurant, a movie – these are forbidden areas. In a hopeless situation, you need to mention (come up with) details of independently visiting interesting places for official reasons.
- Frankly admire the ladies passing by, provoke flirtation, give out compliments.
- Refuse intimacy under any pretext , declare that the wife has lost her attractiveness, has ceased to excite her, focus on physical defects (excess or lack of weight, stretch marks, cellulite, sagging skin). When it was not possible to avoid sex, you should ignore foreplay, care only about personal satisfaction, and after the process silently turn away and leave. No kisses, hugs, tender words.
- Share children. When a child brings good grades or takes a prize at the Olympics, be sure to say: “My son!” When grades leave much to be desired, emphasize the wife’s failure as a mother and teacher, reminding that this is “her son!”
- Show constant unreasonable jealousy , suspicion, checking your phone, email;
- Appearance. Loungewear is not a reason to spend money; we wear out everything that is lying around in the closet: the notorious sweatpants, stretched T-shirts, alcoholic T-shirts, holey socks and panties (an excellent reason to reproach a cross-armed slacker). Shower, shaving, deodorants should be left for going out.
- Irritating factors. Loud music in the evenings, friends with beer, baking bread until the morning will speed up the process.
- Protected area. Home is not a place for girlfriends and in-laws; let him meet them outside. A good way to “get on with” your friends is to flirt with them, shower Masha and Katya with praise after leaving.
You can’t participate in your spouse’s life, let him spend his free time where he wants, learn to solve problems on his own, and don’t “blow your mind” with everyday issues. Is the faucet leaking? Call a plumber! No money to pay an employee? Get it, no one canceled the second job! When to take care of children and home? At night!
